Funny / Scrooged

• When Grace protests against working late because of a doctor's appointment for her son, Frank demonstrates the most hilarious possible way to say "I absolutely don't give a shit":
  Grace: "But I booked that appointment two months ago!"
  Frank: "I CARE!!"
• When Frank's getting his Jacob Marley Warning from his zombie boss, he comes up with an elaborate rationalization.
  Frank Cross: You're a hallucination... brought on by alcohol. Russian vodka... poisoned by Chernobyl!
  • Lew doesn't mind Frank shooting him but tells him to take it easy on the rum he's mixing. When he drinks it, it pours out of the gunshot holes.
  • Lew talking about his supposed status.
  Lew: I had it all. I was a captain of industry; feared by men, adored by women.
  Frank: Ah—Adored! Let's be honest, Lew: You paid for the women!
• The entire restaurant scene.
  • "Ah-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh...!"
  • After Frank douses the waiter he thought was on fire: "I'm sorry. You know, I thought you were Richard Pryor."
  • Frank starts Screaming Like A Little Girl when he hallucinates that there is an eyeball at the bottom of his drink. The best part has to be Robert Mitchum's and John Glover's utterly perplexed facial expressions at the spectacle.
• "It's a TOASTER!"
  • "IT'S A BONE!!"
    • "IT'S A BONE, YOU LUCKY DAWG!!"
• "All day long I get excuses about why people can't work: 'My back hurts!', 'My legs ache!'... 'I'm only FOUR!'" Mr. Cross must've gotten that last excuse quite a bit at the slaughterhouse.
• "The bitch hit me with a toaster!"
• Elliot Loudermilk's phone conversation with Rhinelander during his and Frank's hijacking of the Scrooge special:
  Rhinlander: I want to talk to the IDIOT who put that MORON on the air!!
  Elliot: Oh, uh, Bryce Cummings is the idiot sir, but uh... (turns to face tied and gagged Bryce Cummings) he can't talk to you right now because he's sorta tied up. Uh-huh. Oh, in fact, he just said that you were a flatulating butthead?
  Rhinelander: A butt-head?!
  Elliot: He said he never felt that way about a man before, but he really likes you in a certain way...
  • Just before that, when Frank and Elliot reconcile near the end of the film.
  Frank: Hey. Are you glad to see me, or is this a shotgun in your pocket? (toss gun away; it fires)
  Elliot: (meeps in confusion as Frank grabs him by the arms and swings him around the room)
  Frank: Here's the deal. I'll rehire you at twice your original salary, and make you my vice president of programming. And I'll give you an office up here. Would you like my office?
  Elliot: (smiles) No, I don't like your office.
  Frank: Ha! That's SO YOU!
  • Frank finally throws Elliot into the elevator so the both of them can proceed to the taping of the Scrooge special, and Elliot hastily crosses himself as the doors close.
  • Frank tossing Elliot into the elevator.
  Frank: Are you alone in there?
  Elliot: (looks around the elevator, totally confused)
• The plaques of the word "cross" being defined as "A thing they nail people on".
• The trio of homeless people at Operation Reachout who mistake Frank for Richard Burton (actually kind of an in-joke, as Bill Murray strongly resembles Burton), Frank's impersonation of Burton, and the line, "Now beat it before I beat you!"
  • Just before that, Frank loudly and increasingly pitying himself so much that, despite his expensive clothes, the workers at the shelter immediately assume him to be a mentally ill homeless person upon entering the building and give him a blanket.
• Stressed from the day he's been having, Frank tries to fix himself a drink with vodka and cola. He ends up with a few little droplets of Tab in a glass full of vodka.
• All the parody commercials in the beginning! The best probably being Frank's "improved" commercial for Scrooge which naturally has nothing to do with the special.
  • Elliot's horrified reaction to said Scrooge commercial: "That thing looked like The Manson Family Christmas Special!"
  • Father Loves Beaver
• Frank stealing a cab from an old lady on the way to the "Humanitarian Of The Year" awards.
  • And also right before that scene and to add some more Irony to the situation, there's a brief moment which is both funny and a Rewatch Bonus; we see Frank pushing a random man out of his way. Why? Because he was walking too slowly in front of him.
  • As the icing on the cake, Frank forgets (or deliberately leaves) the trophy in the back of a cab, having realized that it's solid plastic (rather than gold-plated). Minutes after claiming that he would "treasure this [trophy] for the rest of [his] life" during his acceptance speech.
• Anything involving the Ghost of Christmas Present, who has been described as a cross between Glinda the Good Witch and Moe Howard.
• The Ghost of Christmas Past's attitude to Frank and his claims of a good childhood.
  Ghost: Frank, you still spent the next fifteen years of your life on your ass, watchin' television.
  Frank: Check the records, Joe - I did some stuff; I was a baseball player - one year I hit the home run that won the big game.
  Ghost: That was the kid on The Courtship Of Eddie's Father.
  (Frank concedes with a shrug)
  Frank: There was another time, though - I was running down a hillside covered with flowers, and there was a beautiful girl - like fifteen - with pigtails, and she was waiting for me an—
  Ghost: (interrupting) You are so pathetic. YOU ARE SO PATHETIC! THAT WAS THE LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE!
  Frank: ...Was it the homecoming episode of Little House?
  Ghost: (interrupting again and totally derisive) Yes, it was the homecoming episode of Little House. Let's face it, Frank—garden slugs got more outta life than you did.
  • Then comes Frank's brilliant riposte to that last zinger:
  Frank: "Ha, name one!"
• Buddy Hackett of all people is cast as Ebenezer Scrooge in a parody of celebrity casting. It's impossible to hear his rendition of a Cockney accent without laughing and/or cringing.
• Frank looking under the Ghost of Christmas Future's giant robe and seeing the little imp things - horrifying. Frank checking again to make sure that, yes, that's exactly what he saw - hilarious.
• The scene of the stagehand who's trying to get antlers on a small mouse's head without success, even after using crazy glue:
  Frank: Have you tried staples?
  Stagehand: (horrified) Staples?!
  Claire: Don't you dare! If you use staples, I'll call the Humane Society! I'm not kidding.
  Stagehand: I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt this little fella.
  Frank: Hey, Marlon Perkins. Beat it.
  Stagehand: I have three dogs—
  Frank: (pushing him away) Oh, beautiful story! Tell Reader's Digest, will ya?
• While in his brother's house with the Ghost of Christmas Present, they are playing a trivia game:
  Wendie: In The Addams Family, what instrument did Lurch play?
  Ghost of Christmas Present: In The Addams Family, what instrument did Lurch play?
  Frank: I'm invisible but I'm NOT DEAF!

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