Shorty: Yo... that was the illest rhyme I've ever seen, son! (laughs hysterically)
The teacher pushes the annoying school-loving nerd girl and tells her to "Shut the fuck up!"
Buffy mocking the killer (similar to Tatum in Scream), EVEN getting stabbed in the gut, breaking her own leg, and getting decapitated! Buffy still won't stop talking, even after she was decapitated! Because she keeps running her mouth, the killer promptly punches himself in the head a couple of times and drops her into the lost and found bin.
Gail: I'm so scared...(snots start to drip)...I just wanna say...to the family of my cameraman...I'm so sorry...This was my interview...My story...It's all my fault...(snots intensify)
When one the heroes winds up dead, Buffy insists she saw it occur. Her friends disbelieve her... all while in the background the killer is very noisily and blatantly trying to shove the body into a trash can.
The after-credits tape that was recorded by Shorty saying that he might be dead by now. He lists a bunch of tips that sound like survival tips against the killer, but then it turns out him and his friends were just going to steal a bunch of snacks from a gas station and make a run for it.
Shorty: Yo, if y'all are watching this tape right now, that means I didn't make it. If I'm a prisoner or worse, dead. Anyhow, I'm gonna tell you the rules to survive this situation. Rule number 1: you gotta be quick. Rule number 2: DON'T fall down. And rule number 3: whatever you do, NEVER LOOK BACK! Y'all wish me luck... SNATCH AND RUN, Y'ALL! (Shorty and his friends proceed to rob a gas station of its snacks)
They were originally courting Marlon Brando for that part. Now imagine MARLON BRANDO saying that!
The entire sequence before the title, really. From the singing on through the exorcism, it's hilarious.
Scary Movie 3
Brenda and The Oracle face two characters from The Ring, Samara and her mother, respectively. The utter ridiculousness of the cat fight will make sure that you can never take The Ring seriously ever again.
The Architect: "My wife desperately wanted a child. But she couldn't get pregnant. Neither could I."
"We loved our daughter but she was evil. Made the horses crazy. Killed our puppies. Hid the remote. Really sick shit."
George: Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! Gone, gone, gone just like your dog!
Sue: My dog's dead?!
George: I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! Everyone you love around you is dying!
George's white hoodie resembles a Ku Klux Klan hood without him realizing it; hilarity ensures when he puts it on in triumph after a rap battle in front of a predominately black audience. He doesn't make matters any better when he does a gesture resembling the Nazi salute.
Even funnier since the Secret Service man is played by Ja Rule.
George recreating the vomit scene in 8 mile, only in a surprising twist, he throws up on a toilet with someone using it. He apologizes and the guy screams "Motherf--" before George closes the stall door. Later on a depressed George is accompanying his friends while they throw paint at people they drive pass. The same guy from the bathroom earlier gets hit with a paintroller full of yellow paint shouting the same word again before being cut off.
The girl from the video is on the phone telling Cindy "seven days," meaning that she's going to come to kill her in seven days. Cindy says "I'm gonna die next Monday" and the girl is all "Wait... that's seven business days." She then asks if she counts holidays and she says it depends on which one and when Cindy specifies Martin Luther King Day, she says "no." Cindy whines that everyone at work is taking it off and the killer retorts that if she's not happy with seven days, she could just come over and kill her right now.
Cindy arrives home to find George knocked out at the table. "Yahtzee!" (bangs head on shelf)
The janitor eventually manages to get a hold of the teleprompter, fending off Cindy and the boss...
I been cleanin' after this dumb-ass cracker Giggins for ten years, but I been hittin' it with his woman for twelve. Know what I'm sayin', nigga? She likes her some chocolate. Sharpton for President y'all. I'm outie.
Tabitha sees Cindy's love for Cody and it moves her... except not.
Tabitha: (turns into a beautiful young girl) Thank you all. Your love has freed my soul. I won't have to kill again.
Tabitha: (turns back into her original monstrous form, pulls out a knife) I'm just screwin' with ya!
"Cruel fate" keeps Tom from hearing his dying wife's words...
Tom: Oh, cruel fate to shroud my wife's dying words in mystery!
Annie: No sex!
Tom: Poor Annie. We hardly knew her. She'll be missed terribly.
Annie: Oh, Jesus.
Tom: That's right, honey. Go into the light.
Annie: Look! Just tell George, swing away.
Tom: Right. Swing away.
Annie: Oh, sure. That you understand.
"And now the killer video that kills you seven days after you watched it, we're the only station that has it and we are showing it all night."
The aliens using a reflective knife to look under Cindy's skirt and getting turned on.
The opening and Kate and Becca discussing how energy waves zipping through the air are supposedly making people dumber...
Kate: The cow says blank? Three letters?
Kate: (trying to fill this in) Dude! I don't know, magnetic waves, brain cells. I don't understand the connection between all that stuff.
Dr. Phil: NEVER! Who's the coward now momma! (starts sawing off his foot)
Shaquille: (grinning): Candy from a baby.
Some homies started smoking some Red Weed. Essentially they're getting high on blood.
The president accidentally using the alien ray gun to make his clothes disappear, sauntering around the stage butt-naked while the U.N. members watch in horror, and then accidentally making their clothes disappear too. See here.
Another group of homies ended up getting zapped by the rays of the Tripod, leaving nothing but their bling-bling.
The salesman beats up the creepy Asian boy so he can sell the house to Cindy.
The scene parodying the one from War of the Worlds where the people are fighting over the car. This one ends in some confusion over who gets what.
The scene where everything stops working because of the EMP. Probably the highlight has to be when a terrorist tries to blow himself up in the middle of a street, only to discover that his explosives are disabled. Cue every single person in the area running over to beat the crap out of him.
Tom Ryan's mid-sentence swerve when he gets punched in the face.
Tom: There's no way they can- (Pow!) -build a robot made of chocolate, but that's just common sense. Oh, waiter?
Cindy: I thought you were dead! Brenda:(casually, slinging her arm around Cindy) Oh, I thought you were dead too.
Scary Movie 5
After a car drives down the road a few times in identical shots, it randomly explodes.
The pool vacuum party.
Jody and Kendra drive out to the cabin in the woods. What makes it funny? The vehicle is an incredibly obvious remote control car driving through an incredibly obvious miniature set.
Say what you will about the movie, but "Mama" attacking as a wig was both hilarious and quite well executed.
Everything with the preist played by Katt Williams.
Priest: If a room turns on you, it's either a ghost or a demon.
Jody: Can a demon take over someone? Like, live within them?
Priest: Damn, that's some scary shit.
Jody: So a demon is about the worst thing you can have?
Priest: No, ma'am, an STD is the worst thing that you can have.
Who do you know who wants to hurt you? Do you have a jealous colleague at work? A Facebook friend you might have ignored? Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe, promising to feed this nigga for 25 cents a day BUT THEN HE NEEDS SOMTHING TO DRINK?!!
When last see Ceaser.
Ceaser:IDIOTS!...(realizes he can talk)I can talk!
Man's voice: Hey, Caesar.
(The man takes off his mask to reveal he's a monkey)
Ceaser:(gasps) Steve? Dan's got a mad demon in his house.