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Episode 301: The Penal Zone

  • As Sam speaks to the commissioner over the phone:
    Sam: What's that? (commissioner speaks) A sudden wave of lawfulness and goodwill spreading throughout the city? (commissioner speaks again) No, we didn't have anything to do with that.
  • Girl Stinky's newest nicknames for Sam and Max...
    Max: "Barnaby and Jug-Jug"? You're not even trying with the names anymore, aren't you?
  • And when using your gun on Skun-ka'pe's guards.
    Sam: Hey monkey, I'll give you this cool gun if you let us through.
    Space Gorilla: Scram.
    Max: Really, Sam? That's the best you could come up with for "use GUN with GORILLA?"
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  • Picking up the jumper cables nets you this conversation:
    Sam: Why do we have jumper cables? Neither of us knows how to use them.
    Max: It's simple, Sam. The red cable goes on the right nipple, and the black cable clamps to the b-
    Sam: Neither of us knows how to use them LEGALLY, Max.
  • Almost the entire conversation with Momma Bosco.
    Momma Bosco: But I gotta get my body back. I miss touching things.
    Max: Yeah! Touching is my third favorite thing to do to things.
    [long pause as both Sam and Momma Bosco look at Max with slightly disturbed expressions]
    Max: In case you were curious, second is licking.
  • When asking Gordon about how Skun-ka'pe managed to get his brain, we get this gem.
    Max: So you just went with him?
    Gordon: He said he had candy!
  • The cutscene when Max learns to use the teleport power for the first time.
    Max: Enjoying the ride, Sam?! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!
    Sam: Note to self: when travelling through Max's brain, keep your eyes shut!
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  • Using the wedding ring with Max.
  • When trying to dispose of the guard in front of the pawn shop. Sam opens a manhole cover and places a banana peel by it, leading one to expect the gorilla to slip on the peel and fall down the manhole. However, when Sam tries to lure the guard over by insulting General Skun-ka'pe, the guard immediately notices the banana peel and only approaches to scold Sam for littering. Then Max appears behind the ape with two garbage can lids and slams them against his head, knocking the guard unconscious and kicking him down the manhole.
    • "Oldest trick in the book!"
    • Near the halfway point, as Sam & Max try to convince Girl Stinky that Skun-ka'pe isn't actually evil, just misunderstood:
    Girl Stinky: Oh yeah? Did I "misunderstand" this picture he sent me? (pulls out her phone and shows the aforementioned picture)
    Sam: GOOD HEAVENS!!
    Max: (mortified) I think I should put on some clothes now.

Episode 302: The Tomb of Sammun-Mak

  • This exchange, after Sameth and Maximus witness an altercation between Christmas elves and mole people.
    Maximus: Why can't we all get along, Sameth?
    Sameth: Because most of us are (bicycle horn), little buddy.
  • Try giving the elf in Reel 1 the toy idea of "Adventure games", and watch the reaction.
  • When you unsuccesfully try to convince Benny that Neferitti is totally in love with you a few times.
    Sammeth: She just can't keep her hands off of us.
    Maximus: The things she did to my ears. Whoo! I'm still blushing.
    Nefertitti: (offscreen) You are such liars! I hate you! I wish you were dead!
  • Noticing the state of Jurgen's room.
    Sameth: Garlic, crosses and wolfsbane. What do you make of that, little buddy?
    Maximus: Jesus pesto?
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    • And bringing it up to him.
    Sameth: What's with the garlic, crosses and wolfsbane?
    Jurgen: Zey are...merely for decoration, okay? I find zem very soothing. If you are implying zat I have zese zings because I'm afraid of being bitten by a vampire because I am under a curse or somesuch silly nonsense like zat zen I have nozzing for you but mocking laughter! (hysterical giggling)
    • After looking in Jurgen's closet and in Kringle's chest, you can pretend to be a member of the brotherhood of Yog-Soggoth to Jurgen. The conversation that ensues covers cult rituals, tenor singing and bocce.
  • Maximus' fun moment using the ventriloquist dummy on everyone, including Sammeth.
    • Using the ventriloquist's dummy on Nefertiti while she's talking to Jurgen? Necessary. Using the ventriloquist's dummy on Jurgen while he's talking to Nefertiti? Hilarious.
    Jurgen: (in unspeakably awful German accent) Ach, liebeskind! I long for you to remove your mask and show your true identity!
    Nefertiti: ...uh...?
    • If Nefertiti leaves and comes back, you get this.
    Jurgen: Oh. You're back. Like ze plague.
    Nefertiti: Oh, Jurgen...how poetic you are!
  • Preparing to show Nefertiti's love letter to her father, Sammeth states, "Being mature adults..." causing Maximus to giggle childishly.
    • Sameth reads from Nefertiti's love letter aloud, obviously uncomfortable. Maximus is more enthusiastic.
    Sameth: "My dearest Jurgen. What is this itch that spreads over my dewey moleskin whenever you are near? It is love, and only your long, pale fingers can scratch it. Do you itch for me too?"
    Maximus: Bwa hah hah!
    Sameth: "There's no use concealing it. I know you do. I can see the tortured agony in your eyes whenever I'm around."
    Maximus: I bet!
  • "NO! NO! NO! COWS DON'T EAT COOKIES!"
    • (completely deadpan) "No, no, for the love of God, no."
    • "IT'S NO USE! COWS CAN'T READ!"
    • "...use BUST with COW? Am I CRACKING UP!?"

Episode 303: They Stole Max's Brain

  • Pretty dang near anything involving Noir!Sam. The cold-hearted grimness and unmitigated fury ensure everything gets more melodramatic than it ought to, and since the world of Sam and Max is naturally silly...
    Tourist: So I left, empty-handed and ippelskippered...
    Sam: WHAT?!
    Tourist: Ippelskipper! It's a word us Europeans use to describe a blend of confusion and distress much like I was experiencing! Honestly, what do they teach you Americans in school?
    Sam: VIDEO POKER!
    • Abuse of the 'Noir' option is heartily recommended.
    Sam: Sometimes it feels like the whole world's after me, and someone's tied my shoelaces together with regrets and betrayals.
    Minion: ...yeah, um, that's pretty sad. So anyway...
    • Heartily.
    Minion: As they left, the general dropped this!
    Sam: I dropped something once. I think it was my innocence. Then I dropped my compassion. Now I just drop punks.
    Minion: ...Was that supposed to be dark? It doesn't even make sense.
    Sam: Sue me.
    • "You have a very depressing worldview."
  • Max trying to bargain with General Skun-ka'pe to spare Sam:
    Max: Could you not kill Sam. He's my designated driver when I'm in the sauce like this.
    Skun-ka'pe: Oh, my minions are under strict orders not to kill him.
    Max: That's a relief.
    Skun-ka'pe: They are to bring him, beaten and bloodied, to my feet so he can see my ascension to ruler of the galaxy!
    Max: Just as long as he can still drive.

Episode 304: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls

  • When you have to help Flint interrogate Stinky, the Interrogation System wheel from "They Stole Max' Brain" makes a hilarious re-appearance.
  • If you use mind reading on Girl Stinky after finding her hidden passage, she starts to catch on to that ability and start thinking of things to horrify Max.
    Stinky: If I don't get out of here, I'll never be able to meet... and how'd Skippy and Bam-Bam find out about my back-up tunnel anyway? Are they reading my mind?
    Max: Uh oh.
    Stinky: Golly gee! I hope Flint lets me go so I can buy some shoes today. Maybe some nice black pumps with-
    Max: Ack! Evil!
  • When you head into the Museum of Mostly Natural History, Papierwaite's office is locked. Obviously you have to solve a puzzle to get through, but you can also just knock on the door. Quite a few times. With Sam giving different responses each time.
    Papierwaite: Who is it?!
    Sam: It's the vindow viper! I've come to vipe your vindows!
    Sam: The restless spirit of Ed McMahon, standing here with a giant novelty check!
    Sam: (dances like a ballet dancer)
  • Check the window in Papierwaite's office.
    Sam: Ah cripes, a buncha Sam clones are ghost-riding the DeSoto in the parking lot!
    Max: When were they cloned? 2005?
  • The mere fact that the most powerful of the Elder Gods, whose birthing cries caused the breakup of Pangaea is named Junior.
    • Even better, Max is so flabbergasted by this revelation, that's all he can say throughout the whole conversation. He can't even be bothered with any of his usual snarky, off-topic comments because he's just that bewildered!
  • During the seance:
    Harry: Uncle Morty? Is that really you? Your voice sounds funny.
    Max, Impersonating Morty: I'VE GOT A COLD.
    Harry: In Heaven?!
    "Morty": And WHO said I was in HEAVEN?!
    Harry: Uncle Morty, if that's really you, then tell me the secret you took to your grave!
    "Morty": Harry...my stamp collection is hidden...
    Harry: Yes?
    "Morty": In the attic...
    Harry: YES?
    "Morty": OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY! (Lightning crashes)
  • Use Future Vision on Bluster Blaster, and get a totally random cutscene of him floating through space, screaming "THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME!" See it here.
  • This exchange:
    Sam: Do you know anything about these Sam clones running around?
    Bluster Blaster: THOSE ARE REAL?!?!
    Sam: Uh...Yeah?
    Bluster Blaster: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!
    Max: I'll take that as a no.
  • Using the ventriloquist dummy on the jukebox at Stinky's.
    Max: (singing off-key) I remember my childhood in Brighton...note 
    Sam: Max, no!
  • Reading Sal's mind when he's enthralled by the Clone Master.
    Sal: la de daa, waiting for the master's orders, la de daa...
  • This gag.

Episode 305: The City that Dares Not Sleep

  • Sybil's character freeze, where the list of her previous occupations goes completely off-camera.
    • Abe Lincoln: Four score and seven ton of raw power.
  • When Sybil tells Sam how she and Abe consummated their marriage, Sam's mind (and the screen) literally shuts down in order to avoid permanent psychological trauma.
  • When you get rid of Satan and Jurgen near the beginning.
    Satan: I can tell when I'm not wanted. Come on, Jurgen.
    Jurgen: Thank wickedness THAT nightmare is finally over.
    Satan: Let's go back to hell.
    Jurgen: Oh. Right.
  • Junior Max's Sailor Moon pose.
    • What makes this even better was that it was supposed to be Voltron based. The developers wanted to do an 'anime' pose (anime being used loosely) and one mentioned Sailor Moon. This somehow got heard by another employee and thus they decided to Throw It In!.
  • When Sam makes it into Max's inventory, he tries to pick up some spare cables that are lying around, and is promptly transformed into a Roomba.
    Roomba!Sam: (As he runs over the cables, trying in vain to pick them up) Well, that's about the worst thing that could've happened.
  • The Reveal was funny in its own way. As Sam goes for the door, the action freezes and the scene transits to the Narrator, who begins to recap the mystery of who the true Big Bad is. As he's doing this, a door suddenly opens in the background, revealing Sam coming into the room.
    Narrator: Do you mind? I'm right in the middle of... oh, now you've ruined it.
  • This conversation:
    Sam: You're lying!
    Narrator: Oh, very well. I suppose you've forced me to come clean. Sam, I am actually an agent of a much higher power, appearing only to you and Max, to guide you in times of crisis. I believe you mortals would refer to me...as an angel.
    Sam: Wait...really?
    Narrator: Of course not! That would be stupid! I am the manifestation of the superego of a psychic rabbit detective mutated into a gigantic beast by a toybox filled with powerful toys from another dimension! Sometimes, the simplest answer is the correct one.
    • As well as this one:
      Sam: I didn't think Max had a superego.
      Narrator: Yes, well, you're fat. It seems neither of us get the respect we deserve.
      Sam:...You don't have to be a jerk about it.
      Narrator: Forgive me, I'm lashing out.
  • When Sam tries to get the Cthunic destroyer from Skun-ka'pe, one of the options is telling him to hand it over and not make things any harder for himself.
    Skun-ka'pe: Since coming to this miserable planet, I've been pulled through rock, shot at, attacked by mole men, pummeled by clones, and shot at by an overzealous pulp detective. How could things possibly get ''harder''?
    Sam: Uh, you turn off the hints?
  • When Sybil goes into labor:
    [Sam and Papierwaite/Norrington stare at her, wide-eyed].
    Norrington: Pennies?!

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