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Funny / Salute Your Shorts

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Season One

  • In "Michael Comes to Camp":
    • Budnick and Donkeylips bully Michael and Sponge into sneaking into the girls' cabin and stealing their valuables.
      Michael: What if Ug catches us?
      Budnick: You'll get thrown out of camp.
      Sponge: What if the girls catch up to us?
      Budnick: They'll beat you up.
      Michael: And what if we refuse to go at all?
      Budnick: Donkeylips sits on your head and farts.
      (Michael and Sponge look behind to see Donkeylips smiling smugly.)
      Michael: We'll do it!
      Sponge: We'll do it, we'll do it!
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    • Sponge throwing up, after seeing Michael accidentally stepped on Telly's glasses:
      Donkeylips: Whoa, power puke!
    • Sponge squirts ketchup on Budnick while recommending T-shirts for their so-called Secret Society.
      Sponge: It should say "I am a member of the Secret Society, that I, Budnick, am the biggest idiot!"
  • "Zeke the Plumber":
    • The gang tries to scare Budnick but fails with hilarious results. What they thought was Budnick was a dummy with a melon for a head, with a face drawn on it. The girls scream in horror when it fell.
      Telly: (picks up the melon) I always knew he was a melon head. This just proves it.
      Z.Z.: He's probably somewhere out there. Watching, and laughing at how stupid we look.
      Telly: Budnick, you're such an idiot! You should know that you can't scare us with your stupid little tricks!
      (A hand comes out of a trash can and grabs Dina. The girls run scared and screaming.)
      Budnick: (coming out of the trash can) HA HA HA! I'm the master of the universe! Nobody can scare me!
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    • Michael and Sponge try to scare Budnick with fake ghosts, only to trip on his soda trap.
      Sponge: I should have seen it coming!
      Michael: Budnick, you idiot!
      Budnick: HA HA HA HA! The winner and still champion! I'm not afraid! Nobody can scare me! HA HA HA HA! Come on out. Everybody. Oh, its the big parade of losers! Loser, loser, loser, loser... and loser!note 
    • Donkeylips wanders through the woods at night wearing a pumpkin mask and keeps running into trees and branches because the mask doesn't have eye-holes.
  • "The Treasure of Sarah Madre":
    • Dina's dialogue: "C'mon Budnick, you're our friend! And you can't put money over friendship! Oh, listen to me!"
    • Donkeylips's shovel hits metal, and Budnick thinks it is the treasure after all. He continues to dig until it turns out to be a water main, which starts spraying water everywhere. The other kids run away, leaving Budnick to face the wrath of Ug, who has spent the entire previous day trimming the grass in the infield with a ruler and a pair of scissors so that it looks perfect when he poses for a photograph for the camp brochure, and has just found out that there is a large hole in the middle of the infield...
      Ug: There is a very deep hole in the middle of my infield. Eventually, the hole will fill up with water and the scum will float to the top! Then, Bobby Budnick - heh - you will be mine!
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    • "This is Dr. Kahn.... would the wise-guy who turned off the water please turn it back on... I'm trying to brush my teeth!"
  • "Bunk Chief Elections":
    • Dina annoys Telly by clipping her toe nails.
    • Dina and Telly get into an argument, which escalates into a pie fight. They accidentally throw a pie at Ug, so they quickly leave just as the boys, who have spent the entire episode being punished for an incident involving a goat, return to find the kitchen a mess.
      Michael: What happened here?
      Ug: (a pie on his face) I'll tell you what happened!
      Budnick: Ug! You don't think we did this, do you Ug?
      Ug: Of course....I do. Do you got your toothbrushes? (the boys pull out their toothbrushes) Now, I want you all to scrub the floors. (hands them towels) Scrubs. (throws another towel on the kitchen table and walks off)
  • In "The Radio Call-In Contest":
    • "No, sorry honey, I can't see you tonight. Because I'm blue. No, not sad blue. Blue blue. Toilet bowl blue!"
    • Ug demands to know who got out of their bunks during curfew. Everyone stands up, except for Sponge who fell asleep for staying up all night.
      Ug: Oh, so Sponge is the only one who didn't get out his bunk?
    • "He's just as dumb as me."
  • "Brownies for Thud Mackie":
  • “Ug’s Girlfriend Is Gone”:
    • Budnick convincing Ug to dress like a Hell’s Angel to impress his girlfriend Rachel. Especially the song Ug writes for her.
      Ug: Rachel!!!! ... Pass the mustard!
  • "Donkeylips and Sponge Weigh-In":
    • Another terrible lunch at Camp Anawanna.
      Z.Z.: Maybe it's a species of lima bean.
      Michael: I don't think lima beans have little twitching legs.
      Dina: Either this is some kind of sauce or my bratwurst is sweating.
      Budnick: Hi guys. I come bearing good news.
      Z.Z.: They hung the chef?
    • The gang (minus Donkeylips, Sponge and Telly) picking up trash as punishment for trying to order burgers, made funnier by the background music.
      Z.Z.: Look at it this way: cleaning up camp helps the environment!
      Budnick: Look at it this way: zip it!
    • On the floor looking for the missing change.
      Sponge: How could you be so dumb?
      Donkeylips: It's not my fault, it's my pocket's fault!
      Sponge: You owned the pants, you own your pocket, it's your fault!
      Donkeylips: No! My mom brought the pants, it's her fault!
    • Donkeylips and Sponge are taking out the garbage when a branch rips Donkeylips's bag and garbage gets flown all over by the wind, accompanied by dramatic music.
      Donkeylips: Great! Just when things are going good, I get this! Garbage! All my life is garbage!
      Sponge: So pick up your life and stuff it back into this trash bag. Come on!
    • At the end:
      Donkeylips: About that claw cracker I gave you....I'd like it back!
      Sponge: (runs away)But you said I could keep it!
      Donkeylips: (chases after Sponge) No. I don't want you to have it anymore! I like it back!
      Sponge: But you gave it to me and I'm gonna keep it!
      Donkeylips: Just give it back to me, please!
      Sponge: NO!
  • "Cinderella Play":
    • The cast list is posted, and the campers are reading who has been given which roles:
      Donkeylips: I'm a rapping mouse.
      Michael: Well, congratulations fair mouse. For I am 'Prince Charming,' and I bow to your success!
      Donkeylips: And I to yours!
      (they bow toward each other... and hit their heads against each other)
      Michael, Donkeylips: OW!
    • Donkeylips, while beatboxing and rapping his lines:
      At first I'm a mouse! And I live in the house! And they think I'm a louse! And then I turn into a... horse? Of course, of course, of course... Hey Ug: "Mouse" and "Horse" do not rhyme.
  • Anytime a food fight starts up, it typically involves several background characters getting involved and it all ends with Ug showing up, blowing his whistle, and getting perfectly bullseyed by the last piece of food.

Season Two

  • In "Goodbye Michael, Hello Pinsky," Pinksy nonchalantly asks to borrow Budnick's Dartboard of Hate for use in one of his own pranks... which is to say, he borrows the ridden-with-little-holes bit of paper with his own name written on it, while acting as though he were completely unaware of what it signified. Then it actually does work quite perfectly in in his plan to convince Ug he's come down with chicken pox. You half expect to see steam coming out of Budnick's ears.
  • Budnick’s love song/rap for Dina in “Budnick Loves Dina - Part 1”
  • In "Budnick Loves Dina - Part 2", while probably borders on Nightmare Fuel, Budnick imagines getting a haircut in an electric chair, and the entrance is replaced with a jail cell occupied by Pinsky playing a harmonica.
  • "Sponge's Night Out":
    • Sponge and Pinsky, sole members of the computer club (Sponge's poor attempt to advertise the club results in Pinsky, who has fallen asleep during club recruitment, being the only camper who stays behind when the campers disperse to join the other clubs), come up with a revolutionary way to communicate with another nearby summer camp using cutting edge early 90s technology... and it's a phone line run through the computer (camp rules forbid phone activity by a camper without a counselor's consent). Sponge steps out for a bit, and Pinsky goes nuts with it. But then...
      Dina: (entering) What are you doing?!
      (Pinsky doesn't take his eyes off the computer)
      Pinsky: I'm just talking on the— (looks toward the door and promptly realizes the horrible mistake he's made)
      Dina: A PHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! (cue montage of other campers stampeding towards the cabin)
    • Sponge's attempt to dissuade a caller of the public phone whose booth he's trying to hide in:
      Sponge: TheyDon'tLiveHereAnymore, stop calling! They're all dead! (slams receiver)
    • The Bavarian Fire Drill levels of hiding from Ug they try to pull off. Such as ducking into the bathrooms...
      (Donkeylips panics and runs into the ladies room, just after Dina)
      Dina: EWWWWWW!!!
      Donkeylips: Dina? Wow! (SLAP) Ow!
    • And then when Ug has to use the men's room...
      Ug: (failing to notice Budnick run out beforehand) Hey! There's no towels in here!
      Budnick: Ug!
      (Donkeylips darts back into the women's room with Dina; Budnick's entrance is barred)
      Donkeylips: Sorry, occupied!
      Dina: EW! (SLAP)
      Donkeylips: Ow!
  • In "Citizen Pinsky":
    • Ug made a tower of coffee tins which took him three days, and placed a sign saying "You Touch, You Die - Your Friend, Ug." As Ug was about to pose for a magazine, the gang runs around the room playing ball and Ug tries to get them out before they could knock his tower down. Relieved, he back up and accidentally knocks them out.
    • As Sponge passes out the newspapers:
      Sponge: Hey Ug, wanna copy? It's free.
      Ug: Headaches are free too. No thanks.
      Sponge: Hey Budnick, want one of these?
      Budnick: Thanks. (grabs one and blows his nose on it)
      Sponge: Hey Dina, wanna copy?
      Dina: Not unless there's a story about Paris in it. That's where my new boyfriend lives. Oh, he just adores me!
      Budnick: French people adore Jerry Lewis too, but what do they know? Ha ha!
    • During the newspaper montage, Ug keeps getting his face hit on the ink machine.
    • Donkeylips tries to play Mysterious Informant, calling himself "Deep Trout", to tell Dina that her secret is gonna be in the papers. She runs off to stop it and says "Thanks, Donkeylips!".
      "Deep Trout": How'd she know it was me?
  • In "They Call Me Ms. Tibbs":
    Donkeylips: Are you gonna eat your cocktail onion? We could use it for our sculptures.
    Dina: Food is not art, Donkeylips!
    Donkeylips: What about The Last Supper?
    • Ug and Mona's fight in the cafeteria.
      Mona: A fine evening to you, campers.
      Everyone (except Ug): Good evening, Ranger Tibbs.
      Mona: I'm off duty, it's Mona.
      Telly: Have a seat, Mona.
      Mona: Alright. (takes a seat, making the campers push until Ug falls off his seat) There, that's quite comfortable.
      Ug: (get up) Sponge, please tell Ranger Tibbs that she probably won't enjoy eating here (Mona is visibly angry) because the corn beef patty isn't up to CODE! (pushes Mona out)
      Mona: (gets up) Z.Z., please tell Counselor Lee he has 43 hours get his camp up to code or he can kiss his sweet Anawanna goodbye! (pushing, while Ug pushes back, crushing the campers between them) Well, I believe I've lost my appetite. (leaves)
      Ug: Yeah? Well I lost mine as soon as you came in here!
  • In "Anawanna Inc.", while the kids are going through mail sent by their parents:
    Z.Z.: Well what does your letter say, Pinsky?
    Pinsky: Actually... nothing. This is the letter that I sent them. It says "moved, no forwarding address." ...Should I worry about this?
  • The whole outcome for the guys in “The Cursed Skull.” First, they're outsmarted when the girls plant a fake skull under wraps. Then they have their nose hairs painfully trimmed off by Ug in retaliation for trimming his during their club initiation.
    Donkeylips: Stupid skull!
    Sponge: Stupid Budnick!


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