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"Are you kidding me?! I'm blind!"
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  • Galen says his wife had died. So once she shows up holding a blaster, Krennic's completely deadpan response is "Oh, here comes Lyra back from the dead... It's a miracle!"
  • After Saw Gererra's forces ambush an Imperial patrol on Jedha, they take Jyn, Cassian, Baze, and Chirrut (who were all involved in the fighting) captive, and put bags over their heads. Yes, including Chirrut. It's one of the very few times he ever gets so angry. He sounds downright offended.
    Chirrut: Are you kidding me? I'm blind!
    • Better yet - that line was actually improvised by Donnie Yen.
  • Chirrut continues the unintentional running gag in Star Wars that stormtrooper armor is completely worthless. He knocked out multiple stormtroopers by hitting them in their helmets... with a stick. Sure he hits them pretty hard but... it's a freaking stick. What is even the point of their helmets? Granted, it only stopped direct impact, but the point remains that he defeated an entire squad armed with rifles with just a Simple Staff.
    • As a follow up, when Chirrut uses a stormtrooper as a human shield, another stormtrooper recklessly fires at Chirrut and hits his own comrade... about eight or nine times. Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy at its finest. Made even funnier because it looks like during the course of the shooting that poor sap got hit several times in the groin. Chirrut also made sure to stab a nearby trooper in the foot for good measure, eliciting an audible groan of pain:
    Chirrut: Is your foot alright?
  • Calm and collected Chirrut shouting at Baze after the latter shoots dead a bunch of Stormtroopers surrounding him:
  • Then there's their banter after Cassian asks if Chirrut is a Jedi:
    Baze: There are no Jedi here, only dreamers like this fool.
    Chirrut: The Force did protect me.
    Baze: I protected you!
  • When Baze, Chirrut, and Cassian are in a prison cell together, and Cassian hears Chirrut chanting "I am one with the force and the force is with me..."
  • Really, much of Baze and Chirrut's dialog. Later, on Eadu, when Chirrut leaves the ship:
    Baze: Good luck.
    Chirrut: I don't need luck, I have you.
    Baze: (Scowls, but gets up and follows him like Chirrut expected.)
  • A Rebel team attack the transport carrying Jyn and one of them breaks her out of her cuffs... only for her to promptly smack him with a shovel and run like heck.
  • Cassian seeing Chirrut's prayer apparently go unanswered: "I'm beginning to think that the Force and I have different priorities."
  • When Jyn reaches the top of the landing deck at Eadu, she looks up surprised to see a Stormtrooper who looks as equally surprised down at her, before Jyn pulls his leg and sends him falling over the edge to his death.
  • Darth Vader.
    • True to form, he gets in a few darkly humorous zingers during his meeting with Krennic, who he clearly finds quite aggravating.
      Vader: [after emerging from his chambers in blinding light] You seem unsettled.
      Krennic: No, just... pressed for time. There's a great many things to attend to—
      Vader: [mock scandalized] My apologies.
    • Krennic tries to press on the power the Death Star possess.
      Vader: Its power to create problems has certainly been confirmed.
    • When Krennic goes that bit too far, Vader puts him in his place with a Force-choke and lets fly with this one:
      Vader: Be careful not to choke on your aspirations, Director.
    • The context behind that scene makes it even funnier; the reason why Vader finds Krennic so annoying is that Krennic flew all the way to Mustafar, forced Vader to get out of his bacta tank and get dressed... to whine about a coworker. It's a testament to how important he is that Vader didn't feed him a lightsaber right then and there.
    • Vader is also choking him with one finger and thumb.
      • Vader has a freaking butler in his evil lava castle. Or possibly an Igor. Either way, what is that job even like?
      • Vader has an evil lava castle. Further, instead of avoiding Mustafar, he built an Evil Tower of Ominousness in the planet that almost killed him!
      • Even better when you realize that it may be not too far from where Obi-Wan severed his arm and legs. Who's got the high ground now, Obi-Wan?
      • Plus, it's the planet where he believes he murdered his wife and unborn baby. He's just doing it for drama at this point.
      • If you stop and think about it, the "choke on your aspirations" line is a rare example of a double-layered pun. First, he's telling Krennic not to choke on his ambitions (as in, what he aspires to). But what's another definition of the word "aspiration?" The action or process of drawing breath. He's telling him not to choke *literally*...as he is literally choking. One has to wonder if some remnant of Anakin Skywalker is emerging from that line.
      • Medically, to "aspirate" can mean "to inhale something other than air". Aspiration, to a doctor, is the cause of choking.
  • When Krennic arrives on Scarif, ego still bruised from his dressing-down by Vader, he demands to see every communication Galen Erso made while stationed there. The Imperial officer in command turns white and stammers, "All of them?!". He was probably secretly grateful when the Rebels attacked seconds later.
  • The Rebels' initial attack is to set off timed bombs at the far end of the Imperial installation. Krennic is in the control room when they see a wide view out the window of one explosion after another going off in the distance. All conversation stops as everyone stares like it's a fireworks show, Krennic turning to face them all.
    Krennic: Are we BLIND?! DEPLOY THE GARRISON! MOVE!
    • There's a moment where everyone seems to be looking at him before he starts shouting, presumably wondering if this is some sort of power play or test.
    • It's also ironic that Krennic, who is himself a REMF, is the first to tell dozens of officers what to do, because (in the lore) the base was supposed to be a cushy detail and they let standards slip.
  • Baze fires a rocket-propelled grenade at the front of an AT-ACT, knocking its "head" to the side and seemingly stopping it from continuing its advance... only for the super-protected vehicle to adjust course after a few seconds, aiming straight at Baze. Cue an Oh, Crap! from the Rebels before an X-wing blasts that AT-ACT.
  • Before going to Jedha's capital, K-2SO is dismissed from the mission being possibly too conspicuous — Jyn even calls him "target practice" as she gives him her pack, with Cassian having nothing to do but shrug. After Jyn and Cassian have left, he just dumps Jyn's pack on the ground.
    K-2: I can blend in. I'm an Imperial droid. This city is under Imperial occupation.
    Jyn: Half the people here want to reprogram you. The other half want to put a hole in your head.
    K-2: I'm surprised you're so concerned with my safety.
    Jyn: I'm not. I'm just worried they might miss you — and hit me.
    K-2: (once Jyn is out of earshot) Doesn't sound so bad to me.
  • As the Deadpan Snarker (when not The Comically Serious), K-2SO gets a funny moment practically every time he speaks.
    • Jyn and K-2SO's first meeting — he stops her from escaping from her rescue by picking her up and slamming her to the ground.
      K-2SO: Congratulations: you are being rescued. Please do not resist.
    • During the departure to Jedha:
      K-2SO: Why does she get a blaster and I don't?
      Cassian: What?!
      [later]
      Cassian: Where'd you get it?
      Jyn: I found it.
      K-2SO: I find that answer vague and unconvincing.
      [later]
      K-2SO: You're letting her keep it? Do you want to know the odds of her using it on you? [pause] It's high.
      Cassian: Let's get going.
      K-2SO: It's very high.
    • The above gets a payoff as Jyn gives K2 her blaster before she retreats into the archives ("You wanted one, right?").
    • During the intense fight scene on Jedha, Jyn finishes off her beatdown of a bunch of stormtroopers by spinning and reflexively shooting a KX unit. It shorts out, falls over, Jyn makes an "Oh, Crap!" face... then the friendly K2 comes around a corner, confusedly looks at his counterpart, and says this:
      K-2SO: Did you know that wasn't me?
      Jyn: Oh... of course!
    • When Jyn is beating up an entire squad of stormtroopers single-handedly, Cassian lowers his blaster and looks majorly turned on.
    • After the fight in Jedha is over.
      K-2SO: Clear of hostiles.
      [Baze aims his BFG at him]
      K-2SO: [quickly raises hands in surrender] ONE HOSTILE!
    • K-2SO, Jyn, and Cassian are cornered by several Stormtroopers, and they assume that they are the droid's prisoners. Kaytoo's Bad Liar attempts are priceless.
    Stormtrooper: Where are you taking these prisoners?
    K-2SO: ...These are prisoners.
    Stormtrooper: [wearily] Yes. Where are you taking them?
    K-2SO: I am...taking them, to imprison them...in-- prison.
    • And as part of his act, he backhands Cassian across the face when he tries to speak.
    K-2SO: [SMACK] QUIET! And there's a fresh one if you mouth off again.
    • And according to Diego Luna, this was improvised by Alan Tudyk.
    • This makes the Stormtroopers suspicious, so they announce that they need to look at Kaytoo's diagnostics.
      K-2SO: [outraged] Diagnostics?! I'm capable of running my OWN diagnostics, thank you very much!
    • On Eadu, when he turns to look at everyone from his seat but sees that he is now alone on the ship:
      K-2SO: If Cassian comes back, we're leaving without them...
    • As people are being recruited for the final attack.
      K-2SO: Jyn — I'll be there for you. [beat] Cassian said I had to.
    • K-2SO catches a live grenade thrown by a stormtrooper with one hand and then casually throws it behind himself at another group of Stormtroopers. Made funnier because Jyn can be heard cutting off her cry to get rid of it because K2 is still holding it while talking to them. To make it even funnier, K2 tosses it at the stormtroopers behind him right as one of them says "Hold it right there!" When asked why he's there, K-2 replies that he was bored first and they were in danger second, and having just saved them with the grenade, snarks that he should have just stayed on the ship.
    • As the Death Star makes its mark by blowing up a part of Jedha and creating an absolutely enormous shockwave of the earth, K-2SO relays to Cassian:
      K-2SO: I'm standing by as you requested, although there's a problem on the horizon. There's no horizon.
      in the novelization; On the bright side, I seem to have found our planet killer!
    • K-2SO tries saying "I have a bad feeling about this" only to get cut off.
    • And just a bit later...
    • While infiltrating Scarif, K-2SO watches the vault door when stormtroopers find and confront him.
    K2: The Rebels, they went...over there.
    Cassian: (over comm) K2, what's going on down there?
    K2: There's one. (beat) Oh, well. (Picks up one stormtrooper and uses him to beat up the other two)
    • When Cassian is having trouble using a hand scanner with an unconscious Imperial soldier's left hand, K-2 impatiently barks "RIGHT hand!" It works.
    • After killing several troopers, K2 is typing at the console and chatting with Cassian on the radio. We hear the door slide open, and K2 casually whips up his blaster with one hand and pegs the trooper without glancing up. He doesn't even miss a beat in his conversation.
    • When they enter the data vault and encounter an officer on guard duty:
      Lieutenant Putna: Can I help you?
      K-2SO: That won't be necessary. [knocks Putna out]
    • Jyn is wearing a rather intimidating black Imperial uniform with visored helmet. But the effect is somewhat ruined with her being about a foot shorter than everyone else - and then the visor opening to reveal Felicity Jones' long-lashed big soft eyes.
  • While searching through Jedha, Jyn happens to bump into Dr. Evazan and his friend Pondo Baba, the guy who'll soon be getting his arm cut off by Obi-Wan at Mos Eisley.
  • The cameo from C-3PO and R2, grousing that none of the rebels ever tell them anything.
  • It's Black Comedy at best, but as the Rebel fleet is jumping into hyperspace to escape Scarif, Vader's Star Destroyer suddenly drops out of hyperspace, and several ships crash into it, bouncing off in pieces without doing any damage themselves.
  • Another moment of Black Comedy during the test firing of the Death Star on Jedha is Tarkin's mild, "We want to make a statement, not a manifesto." when questioned about whether they were going to try to destroy the whole planet.
  • At the end we see Princess Leia escaping from Vader and Scarif with the Death Star plans, making her whole "Plans, what plans? I'm just on a diplomatic mission!" gambit and Vader refusing to have any of her shit at the beginning of A New Hope HILARIOUS.
    • The levels of audacity shown by Leia here is ridiculous, but it's even better from Vader's point of view. From his point of view, he watches the assault on Scarif, watches the plans transfer onto the Tantive IV, watches as the ship fires at him and then gets attacked the second he walks onboard. Leia, knowing all of this, attempts to boldfacedly lie to him. It makes Vader's uncharacteristic anger come off as complete disbelief somebody would lie to him this badly.
  • Let's talk about Scarif for a second. All through the Star Wars saga, we've seen bases on Mountains, Forests, Ice Worlds, Fire Worlds, Space Stations, built into cliffs, everything. For once, when given the choice of what planet to put their base on, somebody finally said "Let's put it on the Tropical Beach Planet!"
    • And in a meta sense, somebody actually got away with putting a Tropical Beach Planet in the Star Wars universe.
    • And then they blew it up with the Death Star. This is why we can't have nice things.
  • Bodhi realizes, after gunning down stormtroopers in the hijacked cargo ship while escaping Eadu, that he just killed people for the first time. K2's witty remark? "Congratulations. You're a real rebel now."
  • Tarkin is always formal when ordering the Death Star's firing sequence, "you may fire when ready". As for Krennic:
    Officer: We're in range...
    Krennic:(Impatiently) Fire!
  • The first seconds of the movie are actually pretty funny for lifelong fans of the series. Why? At first, Rogue One seems to follow established Star Wars tradition, with those immortal opening words "A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away..." slowly fading into view as the movie begins. But then, just when we're all expecting the classic bombastic John Williams fanfare to fill the theater as the famous Opening Scroll introduces the plot...we get a single screeching string chord as the movie cuts straight to the opening scene with nary a word of exposition. It's like the filmmakers wanted to say "That's all the introduction you get. Now just watch the freakin' movie."

    Novelization 
  • When Tarkin sends Krennic a message to remind him that the Death Star being functional is more important than it being a technological marvel, said message ends up becoming a dissertation which includes the declaration that "crude but functional" is acceptable. Krennic's short response can be summarized as "One, please confirm that the Wall of Text I just read was the Emperor's opinion and not just yours. Two, don't call the Emperor's pet project 'crude'."
  • That blaster Jyn claims she "found"? She actually nicked it from Cassian's bag.
  • It's hysterical reading how Krennic has absolutely no idea how completely out of his league he is dealing with Vader. He openly thinks "if a Senator from Naboo could tame Vader," he can handle the Dark Lord just as easily. Nothing sums up Krennic's inflated sense of his own importance than how he honestly thinks he's the one who can impress Darth Vader.
    • Who else was a senator from Naboo? That's right, Krennic might be thinking disdainfully of the Emperor. Too Dumb to Live, much?
  • The novelization shows us how Galen managed to work the weak spot into the Death Star plans. Did he subtly sneak it in so no one would notice? Alter the plans as it was being built? No - he drove Krennic mad with bureaucracy until Krennic agreed to sign off on the plans even with the flaw, just so Galen would leave him alone.
    • In a moment mixed with awesome, just as Krennic is about to die, he starts thinking of the Death Star, all of its parts and components... including that exhaust port Galen insisted on. And then the realization sinks in, leaving Krennic to spend his last minute raging at Galen's last laugh.
      Orson Krennic, advanced weapons research director and father of the Death Star, died alone on Scarif, screaming in fury at Galen Erso, at Jyn Erso, at Wilhuff Tarkin, and at all the galaxy.

    Pre-Release/Meta 
  • From the second trailer:
    K-2SO: There is a 97.6% chance of failure.
    Cassian Andor: [to Bodhi Rook] He means well.
    [cut to Oh, Crap! expression on Bodhi's face]
  • This exchange between K-2SO and Jyn:
    K-2SO: The Captain says that you are a friend. I will not kill you.
    Jyn Erso: ...Thanks!
  • Standing in between Diego Luna's Cassian and the hulking droid Kaytoo, Jyn (played by 5'3" Felicity Jones) looks positively tiny since both of her comrades tower over her. It's kind of adorable how small she is compared to them.
    • From this same scene as the three of them are standing there in their Imperial disguises:
      K-2SO: That is a bad idea.
      Cassian: Hey.
      Jyn: Quiet.
    • Funnier in the film itself, where his line is changed to an interrupted "I have a bad feeling about this."
  • K-2SO gets his own Twitter account! (Cassian said he had to.)
  • Before the film was released, a couple of online hate-groups declared that they would boycott the film for having a cast with a female lead and rebels played by non-white actors. The film earned the then-second highest North American December opening on record... and the members of these groups are actually declaring the film a failure due to their online complaining just because it isn't the most financially successful film in history, and that it didn't make as much money as The Force Awakens. Never mind the fact that the producers totally expected the film to do less than TFA due to its different nature.note 
  • Alan Tudyk tells of a meeting with Anthony Daniels who, upon being informed that Tudyk's role was motion capture when Daniels has always been screwed into a tight and uncomfortable suit, called him "you shit." At the premiere after the film Tudyk wanted to know if Daniels had any notes for him and was told "Fuck you," which he considers the highest praise possible.
  • The alternate Rogue One soundtrack titles by Michael Giacchino, who even points out he and his crew had to employ their usual Hurricane of Puns in some way.
  • A barista messes up Gareth Edwards' first name on his coffee cup, and a Star Wars planet is born...
  • In the making of features, Alan Tudyk expressing disgust at the paper K-2 face affixated above his head for height reference.. followed by him and Diego Luna mocking the thing on-set ("It's like we were doing a science fiction movie done in primary school." "I have no respect [while] wearing this thing!")
  • The shield over Scarif got more than a few fans thinking about Spaceballs.
  • It's Vader, bitch.
  • In a publicity video from WIRED, some of the cast members answer questions about the film from the most popular Google searches. When they get to "Does Rogue One die?", Riz Ahhmed (Bodhi) bursts into uproarious laughter at the question, knowing full well that they do. All of them.
  • Everything that happened in Rogue One could have been avoided or prevented if Krennic and Tarkin could just put aside their differences and work together. The Empire got screwed over because two of their highest ranking officers were too self-absorbed and cared more about their pride then about getting things done efficiently.

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