- "Friends don't let Jackasses drink and drive."
- When Ebert really doesn't like a movie, expect an epic beatdown.
- His announcement that he had created a Twitter page: "This Just In!: I am a Twit."
- Behold! The best of Roger Ebert.
- Ebert expected to drive a Bias Steamroller over the film of Atlas Shrugged. It didn't quite end up like that.
- "I hated this movie! Hated hated hated hated hated this movie! Hated it! Hated every simpering, stupid, vacant, audience-insulting moment of it!" He once read it out loud.
- The entire Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo saga. "Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."
- The "bottom of the barrel" monologue in his review of Freddy Got Fingered.
- His outright refusal to give The Human Centipede a rating."I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine."
- His entire Your Movie Sucks book.
- This bit from his review of Anatomy of Hell:Breillat is the bold French director whose specialty is female sexuality. [..] But sometimes she is just plain goofy, as in "Anatomy of Hell," which plays like porn dubbed by bitter deconstructionist theoreticians.
- When Vincent Gallo retaliated to Ebert's extremely negative review of The Brown Bunny by calling him a "fat pig", Ebert replied with "One day I will be thin, but Gallo will always be the director of ''The Brown Bunny''."
- Gallo then declared that he had put a hex on Ebert's colon. Ebert's response was that he'd just gone in for a colonoscopy, his colon was fine, and watching the procedure was still more interesting than The Brown Bunny.
- The foreword to "Your Movie Sucks" talks about Ebert and Gallo finally meeting face-to-face. Gallo said he was being sarcastic and his words were taken out of context. Ebert replied he missed in any case, because he got cancer in his saliva glands.
- Outtakes from a 1987 promo shoot for the episode reviewing No Way Out, The Big Easy and The Fourth Protocol.
Funny / Roger Ebert