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Funny / Riverdale

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Season One

     Chapter 1: The River's Edge  

  • The constant lampshading about Archie's incredible abs are pretty amusing.
    Kevin: [to Betty] Six more reasons for you to take that ginger bull by the horns tonight!
  • When Veronica asks if Archie's single, Betty replies that he's just a friend and Kevin replies that he's straight—both in the same dismayed tone.
  • Even Kevin admits that Cheryl's dismissal of Betty when she tried out for the River Vixens last year was a good burn:
    Betty: Cheryl said I was too fat...
    Kevin: ...too season five Betty Draper. It was a great line.
  • Betty failing miserably to ask Archie to the dance.
    Betty: I was wondering if you wanted to come...with the both of us.
    Archie: Huh?
    Veronica: What?
  • While Betty and Archie awkwardly share a dance, you can see Veronica and Kevin in the background egging her on.
  • The entirety of Kevin and Moose's flirtation.
    • First Kevin rushes up to Betty to tell her who propositioned him in the bathroom.
    Kevin: Give you a hint. His name may be Moose, but a I'd describe a certain appendage of his as horse-like.
    Betty: *stunned silence*
    • Then Veronica drags Kevin onto the floor to dance, while he tries to stare longingly at Moose (who just grimaces and takes a swig from his snuck-in flask).
    • Finally, when they get away from the dance.
    Moose: Just to be clear—I'm not gay.
    Kevin: Obviously not Moose, you're on the football team!
  • Cheryl honors Jason's memory at the school dance... By having Josie and the Pussycats play the song she claims her and her brother were conceived to.


     Chapter 2: A Touch Of Evil  

  • As Sheriff Keller is telling the school (over the PA) that Jason was murdered and that the investigation is ongoing, Cheryl cuts in that her family will not rest until the killer is brought to justice. In the trailers it was dark and dramatic, but in the episode it's made hilarious by Keller and Principal Weatherby looking at her like she's crazy. The trailers also leave out the fact that she ends her message by saying "#RiverdaleStrong"
  • Kevin to Moose: "Are you hot? Yes. Are you my type? Definitely. But you have more demons than The Exorcist."
  • This gem from Jughead, when he and Archie make up.
    Jughead: We're not gonna hug in front of this whole town. So why don't we both just do that bro thing, where we nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions?
  • Some of Reggie's nicknames for Jughead are pretty funny. Especially "Suicide Squad."
  • Betty's mother doing a sage smudging on Betty's room after Cheryl was there.
  • Somehow, Jughead yelling "A kid is dead, Archie!" is extremely funny because someone is finally reminding our ginger haired hero what's actually happening in the plot.

     Chapter 3: Body Double  

  • When Cheryl shows up while the team is hunting for the football "scorebook," Betty and Veronica demand to know what she's doing there. Kevin demands to know where she got her amazing thigh-high boots.
  • Jughead interrogating Dilton's scout. Yes, it's a serious scene, but the awkward way he's crouched and the way he casually steals the sundae is still fun.
  • Betty's squeamish discomfort in the men's locker room. She's surrounded by half-naked guys and is trying so hard to pretend she doesn't notice that fact.
  • Dilton running his boy scout troupe like it's a military unit, complete with hissing at them "Fail and you. Are. Dead." They just exchange glances of "this guy is taking this waaaaay too seriously..."

     Chapter 4: The Last Picture Show  

  • The unsubtle symbolism of the Drive-In sign dropping the "C" from a billboard, turning "closing soon" into "losing soon".
  • Veronica referring to Grundy as Archie's "booty tutor".
  • When Veronica rhetorically asked who would still go to the drive in, Kevin suggested someone who was looking to buy crack.
  • Cheryl forcing her way into Veronica and Kevin's truck. She never gives a reason why, just shoves them to the side and starts eating their popcorn.

     Chapter 5 - Heart of Darkness  

  • Fred's incredible awkwardness upon discovering Archie and Valerie hanging out in Archie's room.
  • The looks of everyone when they watch Mrs. Blossom caress Archie's face. Valerie and Betty look quite concerned, and Jughead and Kevin look freaked the hell out.
    Kevin:*incredulous* Did she just touch your hair?
  • When Cheryl walks into Jason's memorial service wearing the white dress she wore on their boat ride, the other characters all react with varying levels of Oh, Crap!....except for Kevin, who appears to be thoroughly enjoying the drama
    Kevin: Yes!!
  • When Jughead and Betty go snooping through Jason's bedroom, Grandma Rose appears from absolute nowhere to say hello. Jughead, who has so far been The Stoic Deadpan Snarker, is so scared he hides behind Betty.
    Jughead: The horror. The horror.
  • Veronica's sly remarks about Grundy in the Cold Open are delicious in their sheer inappropriateness.

     Chapter 6 - Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!  

  • Any time Alice says the word "Jughead," like she can't believe such a silly nickname even exists.
  • There's something darkly funny about Alice cackling heartily at the idea of her husband being accused of killing any one, never mind Jason.
  • After Jughead and Betty kiss for the first time Betty's next immediate thought is a clue about Jason Blossom's murder, leading Jughead -who 20 seconds before was so nervous he choked on his words- to go right back into his default Deadpan Snarker mode:
    Jughead: Wow, that's what you're thinking about in the middle of our moment?


     Chapter 7 - In a Lonely Place  

  • Jughead's dream, with everyone dressed exactly like the comic characters (and possibly a sly Take That! to complaints that they don't look the same, showing how ridiculous that would be).
  • When Betty is upset over Polly's situation, Jughead wraps an arm around her shoulders. Archie and Veronica both make expressions like "Wait, what?"
  • When Jughead is being interrogated:
    Sheriff Keller: You've had a tough life, Mr. Jones. You've been bullied a lot.
    Jughead:...Yeah, my name is Jughead.
  • When Betty is recounting her sister's disappearance and the possibility that her and Jughead had been followed around, Veronica immediately has a beautiful, Lampshade Hanging moment:
    Veronica: [shaking her head] Oh my God. Honestly guys, we...we should just move.
  • When Jughead is walking Betty home and realizes she seems kind of down, he employs some of his deadpan humour to cheer her up:
    Jughead: [concerned] What is it? I mean, besides everything.

     Chapter 8: The Outsiders  

  • Archie and Jughead's banter over playing video games
  • When Archie gets a bunch of his friends from school to help his dad out since his regular workers walked off, Kevin takes a moment to silently point out Hermione's lovely boots before getting to work.
  • "Nana has dementia and gypsy blood."
  • Amongst the otherwise melancholic and serious flashbacks to Jason and Polly’s relationship, Cheryl is in the background of one scene, wearing a shirt that says “bitchy.” Oh, Cheryl!

     Chapter 9: La Grande Illusion  

  • Jughead and Cheryl are both at their snarkiest in a Black Comedy manner when interacting.
    Jughead: Yeah, hostages don't often get to make phonecalls.
    • And when Jughead calls her out on something he interprets as her usual bitchiness:
    Cheryl: Oh it's a joke, you hobo.
  • Cheryl's visit to the Andrews household.
    Cheryl: Mr Andrews! Nice haircut. Looking extremely DILFy today.
    • When Jughead sees her walk in, he gets in another good jab.
    Jughead: [deadpan] The ice-woman cometh.

     Chapter 10: The Lost Weekend  

  • In the midst of an otherwise heartbreaking tangent, Jughead lets loose this line.
    Jughead: I am weird. [...] Have you ever seen me without my hat? That is weird.
  • FP walking in on Kevin and Joaquin making out in the kitchen:
    FP: Mm-mm-mm. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife. What's up, Joaquin?
    Joaquin: [awkward] Nothing ... Kevin, you know FP, Jughead's dad.
    Kevin: [awkward] Yeah, we met. Kicked me out of the White Wyrm.
    FP: Good times.
  • During Cheryl's Secrets and Sins game, in which Veronica rips into Cheryl about her and Jason's Twincest-implied relationship, Kevin turns to Joaquin.
    Kevin: This is riveting. I can't breathe.
  • When Archie comes downstairs the morning after the party. Archie finds Jughead taking a page from his comic counterpart and chowing down on his birthday cake. His entire birthday cake. With a fork.
  • Cheryl's "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Tina and Ginger is hysterical. The Vixens were to have a vote on who deserves the front spot, Cheryl or Veronica - Tina and Ginger not only do not vote for Cheryl, but they also don't vote for Veronica, which seems to anger Cheryl even further..
    You catatonic bimbos didn't even vote. So you stuttering sapheads are too dim to exercise your own rights and you've got the combined vocabulary of a baked potato. Consider this your last practice as River Vixens and your last week as my social handmaidens. You're fired, on all fronts. That's all. Shoo, bitches.

     Chapter 11: To Riverdale and Back Again  

  • Fred walking into the Homecoming dance with Mary on one arm and Hermione on the other. Clearly, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.


     Chapter 12: Anatomy of a Murder  

  • Betty's absolutely incredible WTF faces, particularly when Archie makes a suggestion.
  • At home, late at night, Betty hears a loud noise and coming from downstairs; only to have a pistol shakily shoved in her face by her mother, investigating the same thing. Even funnier, after everything that's gone on in the season, and everything she's seen, Betty seems more annoyed than anything at Alice due to her waving the gun around so recklessly.
  • Sorry to interrupt the witching hour at Thornhill.
  • While it's an otherwise tense scene, there's the non-reaction from Clifford and Penelope Blossom after the Coopers charge into Thornhill and reveal that their families are related by blood, meaning Polly and Jason basically committed incest.
    Hal: ...What is wrong with you people?!

     Chapter 13: The Sweet Hereafter  

  • Jughead's opening narration:
    Jughead: It was the ultimate cliffhanger. (cut to Clifford Blossom after hanging himself)
  • Veronica hangs a deluxe-sized lampshade while talking with Betty. Easy on the meta, there, Riverdale!
    Veronica: At the risk of us not passing The Bechdel Test, are you legitimately okay with me and Archie together?
  • While Betty's locker being vandalized is definitely not funny, Archie expressing his outrage over it to Fred is.
    Archie: It was pig's blood, Dad. Where do you even get pig's blood? I wanna slam whoever did this through a wall!
  • Betty sneaking Polly to school against their Mother's wishes.....only to find Polly babbling about it to Alice when she got home.
    Betty: Jeez, Pol. Is there anything you didn't tell her?

Season Two:

     Chapter 14: A Kiss Before Dying  

  • Cheryl's incredible nonchalance after everything that happened at Thornhill in the Season 1 finale. She serenely relates a made-up version of the events to Betty and Kevin at the hospital, both of them being too creeped out by her demeanor to even challenge her on anything she says.
  • When Betty tells her mother that she and Jughead headed back to FP's trailer the previous night, Alice almost stumbles, as whimsical music starts playing in the background of the scene.
  • Kevin and Betty's conversation in the hospital is pure comedy gold, at least initially.
    Kevin: What? Jughead Jones said 'I love you'? Mr. 'I'm weird, I'm a weirdo'?
  • Jughead cracks jokes to Betty throughout the episode about everything, from Alice's objections to their relationship, to his own ravenous appetite. Betty isn't having any of it, and the faces she pulls in response to his attempts to lighten up the mood are priceless.

     Chapter 15 - Nighthawks  

  • The return of Cheryl's patented inappropriate nicknames/insults, this time directed toward Betty and Jughead:
    Cheryl: [to Jughead] Hobo. [to Betty] Bride of Hobo!
  • When Hiram shows up at the school to see Veronica, Betty and Kevin are both shocked, but Kevin has a look of absolute glee.

     Chapter 16 - The Watcher in the Woods  

  • It seems to be unintentional, but the last shot of Archie and the Red Circle making a recording, challenging the Hood, is hilarious. Some have noted that a bunch of young men with shirts off wearing masks looks a lot like, well, gay porn.

     Chapter 17 - The Town That Dreaded Sundown  

  • Archie strutting down the hallway of Riverdale High while fellow students eye him apprehensively and part like the Red Sea wherever he goes as a dubstep remix of his threatening words to the Black Hood in the video he made in the previous episode plays in the background qualifies as this.

     Chapter 18 - When A Stranger Calls  

  • Jughead's initiation to the Serpents begins with other members waking him up in the middle of the night wearing serpent masks, and dramatically announce his first trial will be "Assuming guardianship of the Beast!" Which turns out to be a big friendly fluffy dog.
  • Even though this is arguably the most heartbreaking Riverdale episode to date, one cannot help but feel slight amusement at Betty's ringtone, which is Chordette's "Lollipop". The cheery tune blaring in the middle of emotionally charged moments gives the overall episode a certain amount of bizarre Mood Whiplash.

     Chapter 19 - Death Proof  

  • When Betty goes to chat with Cheryl, she finds the redhead in a pool chair, sunbathing next to a fountain, and generally looking like she's about to be in a Vogue photoshoot. Even when she's all alone at home, Cheryl still acts as dramatic as possible.
  • When the Mayor decides to crack down on the Serpents at Southside High, Archie finds Jughead and drags him off seconds before the Mayor and Chief Keller burst through the front doors like they're storming the beaches at Normandy. Robin Givens really sells the Mayor's fury. And yet, it's a tad overdramatic, and thus a little funny.

     Chapter 20 - Tales From The Darkside  

  • In the school hallway, Cheryl shoves Jughead and Archie out of her way without skipping a beat or sparing them a look as she struts past.
    Cheryl: Out of the way, Bert and Ernie.

     Chapter 22 - Silent Night, Deadly Night  

  • After telling Cheryl they have no money, Penelope comes home to find her daughter has decked the place out like old times and brushing off how they can afford it.
    Nana Rose: You should have drowned them at birth. Like a basket of kittens.

     Chapter 31 - A Night To Remember  

Season Three:

     Chapter 40 - The Great Escape  
  • Finding out that everyone's parents played G&G back in highschool.
    Josie: Hold up. You're telling me that my mother was a rule-breaking, anti-apartheid activist in high school?
    Kevin: And that she and my dad were together back then?
    Reggie: I don't buy it. There's no way my old man hung out and did, like, cosplay with a group of lame-ass nerds.
    • Plus, the wonderful touch of the cast playing the younger versions of their parents. Seeing Cheryl as the tightly-wound, glasses-wearing and prim Penelope or Veronica as her more timid mother is hysterical.

     Chapter 41 - Manhunter  

  • During an otherwise tense scene involving a potential invasion of the Cooper home, F.P. shows up by climbing through a second-floor window. Not funny on its own, but when you remember that Skeet Ulrich famously did the same thing in his breakout role, it becomes hilarious.

     Chapter 42 - The Man In Black  
  • Betty's inner monologue is revealed to be a Deadpan Snarker that can rival Jughead or Cheryl on their best days.
    Ethel: I don't think Jughead's into you anymore. We connected when we played the game, and things got hot and heavy down in the bunker.
    Betty (thinking): This psycho bitch...

     Chapter 45 - The Stranger  

  • In school the locker room, Reggie tries to express his concern for everyone's favorite prodigal redhead in the only way he can; being kind of a dick about it.

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