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Funny / Return to Castle Wolfenstein

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  • While the intro reel of the second mission's first level is playing out, two Nazis can be heard chatting about the disadvantages of cold weather at their post:
    Nazi 1: Hoooh, it's freezing out here.
    Nazi 2: Heh. It's going to be even colder than last night. I hope we get some new blankets soon.
    Nazi 1: I just hope we get some hot water soon. I haven't bathed in over two weeks.
    Nazi 2: Ja, ja, I know, I know. (chuckles)
    • And then right afterwards, when the player ducks into the cellar of the bar adjacent from Kessler's house, they'll find a drunken Nazi higher-up stumbling around at the bottom of the stairs. Most of the time, he just wobbles around, drunkenly singing, but eventually he'll quip up with some funny lines, such as:
    Ssshhhut your filthy hole, you ssslovenly swine...
    Stand at attention, soldier! You're a disgrace to the Reich!
    Bring me another beer, you dog! Schnell, schnell!
    Hey, Fräulein. Fräulein! Kommen sie hier! I'm thirsty!
    Get back to your post, you malingering kraut. I'll have you shot!
    • It's entirely possible that he's been down there as a impromptu drunk tank by his companions. He can't even detect you as all the other enemies could, so you could sprint at him or even past him and he probably wouldn't even care.
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  • In the second mission's third level, one room has a pair of Nazis recovering from a chase...
    Nazi 1: phew ...I think we lost them...
    Nazi 2: Oh, thank God.
    Nazi 1: ...Hey, where are we?
    Nazi 2: Hmm... I think we lost us too.
  • Several amusing safety notes can be found scattered around, particularly one describing a typo in the cable car maintenance manualNote  (that resulted in several deaths) and a stern warning not to brew coffee in the rocket-plane's fuel mixing system.
    • One in the X-Labs mention that an epidemic of cholera broke out because someone disposed of the X-creatures' waste into the water supply and that anyone caught doing it again will be punished severely.
  • An amusing conversation with an exasperated driver trying to get a guard to let him enter the occupied village with a truckload of food for the General's mansion, mostly cases of cheese. It ends with him being refused, and the following:
    Driver: Then what am I supposed to do with all this cheese?
    Guard: I don't know. Find some crackers?
  • At the start of the mission to infiltrate the missile base, there are some German soldiers near from your starting position who noticed your supplies were dropped near to their position, whose Allied origins would give away the whole stealth mission. They are arguing if they should investigate, but decide against it, thinking they might have been part of an exercise by nearby stationed Fallschirmjägers. And just like that, you've received a bit of foreshadowing of what you can expect later in the mission, revealing the other elite unit that's in this area.
    • One of the soldiers is listening to a broken record playing Beethoven's 'Fur Elise' as well.
  • During Blazkowicz's infiltration into the X-Labs at Norway, two Nazi troops can be found with a defunct generator that's frozen over in the cold. A gem of hilarity and character ensues.
    Nazi 1: (trying to start the frozen generator and failing) Argh, this worthless pile of junk still won't start!
    Nazi 2: Are you still trying to start the generator?
    Nazi 1: *weary sigh* No, I'm working on my upper body strength, one arm at a time.
    Nazi 2: I'll bet it's because of the cold.
    Nazi 1: *irritated sigh* Tell me, do you often make such shrewd observations? You should seriously consider offices' training!
    Nazi 1: Look, are you acting stupid just to annoy me?! Don't you see here I'm practically tearing my arm off?! The gottverdammt thing won't start because the gottverdammt thing is FROZEN SOLID!
    Nazi 2: Hey, relax, will you? I was just trying to be helpful.
    Nazi 1: You want to helpful? Well, go look for some antifreeze, then! Don't just stand there making idiotic comments!
    • Once you've made it to the garage (hopefully undetected), then you hear another distressed Nazi venting to his colleague:
    Nazi Engineer 1: I have had it. I've absolutely had it with this place! Another day like today and I'll be ready for the insane asylum!
    Nazi Engineer 2: What is it this time?
    Nazi Engineer 1: It's that stinking rocket plane again.
    Nazi Engineer 2: Oh dear...
    Nazi Engineer 1: Remember the cracked O-rings on the reserve thrusters? You know, the ones we've known about since last August? The same ones that Leutmann never gave a damn about?
    Nazi Engineer 2: Ja, ja.
    Nazi Engineer 1: Well, now I have to go out in this filthy weather and change both sets because "someone" in their infinite wisdom decided to hold standby for two hours!
    Nazi Engineer 2: I bet that was Deathshead himself. He came storming through here a while ago, looking none too pleased.
    Nazi Engineer 1: Oh. I didn't even know he was back. What the-? I don't believe it! I do not believe it!
    Nazi Engineer 2: Now what?
    Nazi Engineer 1: Where in bloody hell is my splined torque wrench?!
    Nazi Engineer 2: Don't look at me. These are my tools.
    • What makes this extra funny is that the conversation doesn't usually occur until a couple seconds after you enter, making it seem like the first engineer is upset about too many people coming in and out of the garage.

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