Examples from the main retsupurae channel (slowbeef and Diabetus)
Examples from retsupurae spinoff channels
- Aliens and Dinos are DEAD is a basic RP... until the 3:20 mark when Chip's Skype bugs out and loses Ironicus on his side.ChipCheezum: Oh no! Oh no, Ironicus is gone! UH OOOOOH!
[Ironicus continues to riff on the LP]
ChipCheezum: I'm the one that's bad at technology!
[ChipCheezum manages to reconnect with Ironicus]
ChipCheezum: Ahh! You're back!
General Ironicus: Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for minutes.
- ALLHHHH with barely legible subtitles and... well...DDDDDDDDDDDDKKKKKKKKKKKKK
- AMY ROOOOOOSE: Chip and Ironicus encounter a veritable goldmine of comedy. Who seems to have an innate hatred for Amy Rose.DannyXX39: Oh brother, Amy Rose in Sonic Colors... Good God! When will this eternal nightmare ever end for Sonic?! [...] anybody got an AK-47 rifle? [...] So unless Sonic has something to say about Amy being in Sonic Colors...
[DannyXX39 shows his fan character flipping the bird at the screen, and Chip and Ironicus break down in hysterics.]
DannyXX39: Fuck yoooouuuuuuu!!
General Ironicus: Dude, Sonic is high as hell right now; he doesn't even know what he's saying!
ChipCheezum: Oh, Sonic... Sonic!
General Ironicus: Sonic, strike her with your holy vengeance! [beat] Wha- what did he say about an AK-47? I'm gonna rewatch this!
ChipCheezum: I think he just said it would be great to have an AK-47 to shoot Amy Rose with!
General Ironicus: Yes! That- [they crack up again] ...anybody who got an AK-47 rifle, that is the...
ChipCheezum: [imitates the goldmine] It just goes to show you that I hate Amy Rose's guts! It just makes me feel completely irate, you guys! It just does!
General Ironicus: [laughing] Let this eternal nightmare for Sonic the Hedgehog end!
- The following video they watch opens with Danny admitting he accidentally deleted 19 of his past videos. Cue more laughter.
- The Annotated Snakes, in which Chip & Ironicus riff on an attempted Abridged Series of Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, with jokes that extend the footage rather than abridge it, along with noticeable technical issues and terrible voice acting:ChipCheezum: "Help I can't stop vibrating!"
General Ironicus: Now Campbell's gettin' shakey with it!
ChipCheezum: "Campbell I can vibrate more than you let's go! Naomi you aren't even vibrating you're not even playing the game right get outta here! Campbell get back here let's vibrate each other!" [motorboating]
Terrible Otacon Voice: Snake! I just remembered...
General Ironicus: Oh yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like, good job.
ChipCheezum: "HELLO THIS IS OTACON."
General Ironicus: You're like the spitting audio image, congratulations.
ChipCheezum: "SNAKE LET'S TALK ABOUT MY FAVOURITE ANIMES. SNAKE. I'M OTACON."
- Another Announcement takes another jab at the Elemental Goddesses fans after their original videos mocking it were reported for "copyright infringement"... by showing Chip tracing over Goku and declaring it a completely original character.
- Colonel, I didn't manage to avoid drowning! ChipCheezum teams up with slowbeef to take on DarksydePhil, who prefaces his Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty video with a rant about how much "the controls suck." He then proceeds to demonstrate such staggering ineptitude at the game that it leaves the duo audibly flabbergasted. The first minute of the video has him Fail a Spot Check in a comically obvious manner:[DarksydePhil runs over an ammo item, gets the message "M9 Bullet Full," and opens the weapon menu]
DarksydePhil: How is my M9 bullet full? I don't have an M9!
[The M9 is clearly visible in the weapon menu]
DarksydePhil: What the fuck? [scrolls up past the M9]
ChipCheezum: It's right there! ... Right there!
slowbeef: Right there! Right under you!
DarksydePhil: What? [switches to the stun grenade, with the M9 one slot below]
slowbeef: What do you mean, "what?" It's right there!
ChipCheezum: Down! Down! Those are grenades! Down! Pistols!
DarksydePhil: I don't have the M9, but it says my M9 bullets are full. That's good... [closes weapon menu]
slowbeef: You do have an M9, it's right there!
[DarksydePhil leaves the room]
slowbeef: Come on, Raiden!
ChipCheezum: "I don't know how to find my gun, but I can avoid drowning!"
- Soon after, he shoots the power box for a laser trap — using an unsilenced SOCOM, raising the alarm and forcing him to hide. When the coast is clear, he decides to wait out the entire "caution" phase — and only then does he find the M9, without acknowledging his earlier gaffe.ChipCheezum: Oh, look! You found it! ...Nothing to say about the magic M9 that just appeared?
- It eventually turns out he's (somehow) at the point in the game where the player has to disguise as a core guard and infiltrate the Shell 1 core to find the President. It takes him four attempts to successfully enter the core in the first place because he continuously makes glaringly-obvious mistakes. On his first attempt, he runs straight into the very first guard he finds, causing him to lose his disguise. On his second he attempts to bandage himself after he starts bleeding from the previous alert - but not knowing how the inventory system works, ends up taking off his disguise in full view of a security camera. On his third he decides not to bandage himself again and just bleeds all over the place, which makes the guards suspicious again, which leads to another alert that gets him killed.
- Soon after, he shoots the power box for a laser trap — using an unsilenced SOCOM, raising the alarm and forcing him to hide. When the coast is clear, he decides to wait out the entire "caution" phase — and only then does he find the M9, without acknowledging his earlier gaffe.
- The colors, Duke, the colors. An Uncharted 2 camcorder LP with an overdose of saturation.General Ironicus: The pixels in his TV are forming a waterfall of color!
ChipCheezum: Oh my god, look at the sky; it's changing colors; oh, shit! I really am tripping!
General Ironicus: Is everybody at home seein' this, or am I just high as fuck?
- The player seems to have no clue what he's doing, and messes up constantly despite using cheat codes for unlimited ammo and grenades.ChipCheezum: No, you're throwing grenades so bad! Just go on the side of the train; you can shoot him from there, and he won't even know you're there. Go on the side of the-- you j-- um-- ohh, I'm so angry at video games now!
- In addition, the player frequently blames the game for his troubles, once referring to it as "bootlegged"— which Chip and Ironicus spin into a joke about him LPing the Chinese version of the game:General Ironicus: It's called Off the Map 2: Between Robbers.
General Ironicus: In the bootleg version, Drake is a member of the American Communist Party, trying to regain the ideological ground in the fight against American imperialism.
ChipCheezum: [laughs] Instead of trying to rescue Chloe in this level, he's trying to kill the President.
General Ironicus: He's trying to rescue Soviet ideals.
- The player seems to have no clue what he's doing, and messes up constantly despite using cheat codes for unlimited ammo and grenades.
- Credits is titled such due to the LPer being inexplicably concerned over the lack of credits in Mega Man 2 until they show up, to the point were Ironicus actually counts the number of times she mentions it.
- The Death of Mega Man. After finding nothing but scare cams and YouTube personalities, Chip finally finds a good old-fashioned, save state-abusing, terrible Mega Man LP. A player that takes six minutes to get past the Big Eyes at the beginning of Dr. Wily's first stage. The original video is 35 minutes long, but Chip and Ironicus break it off at the start of the Yellow Devil fight.
- Deekee. After the LPer mispronounces "DK" as "Deekee", Chip and Ironicus go into a minutes-long spiel about 'deekee torches' and 'deekee heads on Easter Island'.
- Draculur's Curse opens up with loud anime music playing over clips of what looks like a Mexican guy with a mustache and then halfway through the video loses all sound, leaving Chip and Ironicus in shock. Granted the portions that did have sound still managed to achieve that same effect:ChipCheezum: I don't think any of them are forgotten.
General Ironicus: Well Draculur's Curse is. I know a lot of people talk about Dracula's Curse, but nobody gives any love to Draculur's Curse.
- Magus also seemed to really really like the game's Mode 7 effects which lead to some interesting comments.
- Pretty much the entirety of the Drunk Mario Kart Trilogy, especially whenever the LPer goes completely ballistic:[video starts, robdamanii is gently passed by Mario]
robdamanii: YOU GODDAMNED DAGO FUCKING PLUMBER!
ChipCheezum: [laughing] What?
General Ironicus: That's... that's the best opening to a video...
robdamanii: AND YOU STUPID CUNT WOMAN PRINCESS, I HOPE YOU GET YOUR GODDAMNED HEAD CHOPPED OFF!
robdamnaii: I'm not usually this angry.
General Ironicus: I find that hard to believe.
robdamanii: [gets passed] You cunt!
General Ironicus: Nobody, nobody who gets this upset at Mario Kart...
ChipCheezum: "GRRRRR... PEACH!"
General Ironicus: They can't possibly be a calm person in other areas of their life.
ChipCheezum: "TOAD! RRRRRRGGGH!"
General Ironicus: "Don't cut in line in front of me at the bank you DAGO CUNT!"
[robdamanii finishes the cup in 2nd to Luigi]
robdamanii: You know what?
General Ironicus: Here comes my favorite line!
robdamanii: Fuck that dago wop son of a bitch. Die. Sorry if you're Italian, I fucking hate Luigi. He's a douchebag. And I hope his life ends, painfully, with rectal cancer in his mouth!
General Ironicus: How do you get rectal cancer of the mouth?
ChipCheezum: [covering his mouth] A to M.
- Elemental Goddess: , , , in which Chip and Ironicus take on material that is barely even salvageable by pointing out the terrible writing and animation whenever possible:Raphiel: I hate people! I just can't bear them! My name is Raphiel!
General Ironicus: Hello, Raphiel, how are you doing?
ChipCheezum: What a wonderful introduction! That's how I introduce myself to people.
General Ironicus: First you share your opinion on all of humanity, and then give your name!
ChipCheezum: "I hate Jews a whole lot! My name is Chip, hello."
General Ironicus: We're not doing that episode yet!
ChipCheezum: Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm sorry, I'll hold back my hatred for Jews until that episode.
[two episodes later:]
Christian Woman: Jewish people have been worthless throughout history!!
- Finally, It is Batman Time has a confused Valley Girl LPer.NewYorkDefenderTalon: [arriving in a hallway with holes] This part always made me nervous with the holes in the wall...
ChipCheezum: The holes make you nervous?
General Ironicus: Are you afraid you'll slip out?
NewYorkDefenderTalon: Mainly because it reminds me of a gas chamber...
General Ironicus: What?
NewYorkDefenderTalon: From uh... which World War was it?
General Ironicus: Which World War had the gas chambers?!
NewYorkDefenderTalon: You know with Hitler and all that.
ChipCheezum: Which war was it that had Hitler and the Holocaust... I can't remember.
General Ironicus: You've got two to choose from it's kind of a coin flip for which World War it was!
- GAK, in which Chip and Ironicus see a literally unwatchable LP of Batman: Arkham Asylum and has 2 minutes of a still picture at the end.General Ironicus: He spent so much time putting in the linked annotations in all four corners. Did he not see what he was linking over?
ChipCheezum: [Stammers] Yeah, but wait, what?! I didn't even think of that, oh my god! I usually turn the annotations off immediately but. [beat] How do you not. Oh...
- Game Gear Game Tip #35: Don't Buy a Game Gear: Chip and Ironicus tackle an over-the-top ad for a hotel whose sole selling point is giving Game Gears and game tips to kids, providing this gem:Narrator: In Ristarnote , catch a-
ChipCheezum/General Ironicus (simultaneously): RISTAR?! WHAT THE FUCK?!/FUCK YOU!
- Gamer Wipes: Chip and Ironicus watch two ads for gamer cleaning products. While the first one is pretty funny, the second one is hilarious thanks to the strong amount of Ho Yay present.Gamer 1: So, how'd it go?
Gamer 2: [with a satisfied grin on his face] We destroyed them.
[Chip and Ironicus burst into laughter.]
ChipCheezum: Oh, he looked so satisfied!
- Gaming Journalism: Chip and Ironicus take on a REALLY creepy guy "reviewing" a deluxe package of Otomedius Excellent for Kotaku, commenting both on the low video standards of the site and how the reviewer himself is terrible at a simple Gradius-style game, leaving only ONE reason why he bought the game in the first place.ChipCheezum: [upon viewing the intro to the game] I feel like this is No More Heroes 2 except it's not a joke!!!
- happy birthday general ironicus: Ironicus rips into a Marvel vs. Capcom 3 video. Whilst acting like M.O.D.O.K.General Ironicus: If your tactics are not working perhaps you should change them. This is simple. M.O.D.O.K learned this when he was a Mental Organism Designed Only for Crawling!
- The player goes on a bit of a rant about how Taskmasker's apparent lack of a face (he doesn't seem to realize that's a mask) would make it hard to pick up women.General Ironicus: I somehow suspect that even with a face, you are equally unsuccessful with women.
- The player goes on a bit of a rant about how Taskmasker's apparent lack of a face (he doesn't seem to realize that's a mask) would make it hard to pick up women.
- Holy crap, Louie. Chip & Ironicus witness a Super Mario RPG LP done like an episode of Family Guy. Chip outright loses it."Holy crap Lois, Super Mario World was a bullshit game where I rode a Japanese dinosaur with a yellow, piss-colored cape. Holy crap Lois, do you remember that time I played Chrono Trigger and I pressed the button and a thing happened? Holy crap, Lois! Holy crap! LOIS, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME I DID A LET'S PLAY PRETENDING TO BE PETER GODDAMN GRIFFIN?! DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I DID THAT? DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I MADE THAT LIFE CHOICE TO PRETEND TO BE PETER GRIFFIN AND DO A LET'S PLAY OF SUPER MARIO RPG DO YOU REMEMBER, LOIS?!"
- I need 500 units of Scare Cam Technology. Bombs for hands!
- Chip checks the comments.ChipCheezum "You like a little bitch in the thumbnail." His response; "I'm actually Big Bitch."
General Ironicus: [laughs] Not a big bitch, just Big Bitch.
ChipCheezum: "I am, the big bitch."
General Ironicus: Like he's part of the Big Bitch, Little Bitch Program. Where he mentors troubled little bitches in the city.
- Chip checks the comments.
- I'm going to make my own girl. The duo take on a video of a guy using 3D Custom Girl, in a creepy way.Player: What is this wondrous world... a place where I can do whatever I want?
General Ironicus: I'm kinda afraid of whatever you want.
General Ironicus: Why is she sticking her ass out like that?
ChipCheezum: ''IT'S SEXY!''
General Ironicus: And what can make her stop?
ChipCheezum: NOTHING! SHE'S SEXY ALL THE TIME!
General Ironicus: I'm kinda more worried about the icon up in the top corner that looks like some dude puking over a pommel horse.
- Jeff Albertson: A Super Mario World player expresses disdain for the "young'ums" that play modern video games and have difficulty with old ones, yet abuses savestates starting from the first level and gets killed by the easiest boss in the game (possibly explained by his mention of setting rewind on the D-pad, giving the duo the implication he's controlling Mario with the thumbstick of a 360 controller). He also mucks around with ZSNES' sound settings despite not knowing what the labels mean and then wonders why the audio sounds strange, among other technical mishaps. Chip and Ironicus are audibly stunned by the fiasco unfolding in front of them.AchmeZe: And why is it showing that clock? I don't know why it's showing that clock. It's not too obstructive, I guess... [opens "Sound" menu]
ChipCheezum: No, this is "Sound." This is "Sound," not "Time." This is "Sound." Don't click on these, you're gonna mess up the sound even more.
AchmeZe: I don't know what any of this is... [switches "Interpolation" setting from "Gaussian" to "None"]
Chip and Ironicus: No!
General Ironicus: Don't touch it!
ChipCheezum: Don't go away from Gaussian, it's gonna sound weird!
[AchmeZe starts the game; the music sounds off]
AchmeZe: The water's green. I don't remember it being green.
ChipCheezum: The horn sounds like it has a cold now!
[AchmeZe pauses the game, opens the ZSNES menu briefly, then closes it]
AchmeZe: So you might be wondering why...
[The game remains paused]
AchmeZe: ...what the hell did I press to do this... Oh, fuck.
ChipCheezum: "What's an emulator!?"
General Ironicus: How can you be this technically incompetent!? And then, at the end of the day, say, "Yep, cut, print, upload, that's what I'm gonna do"!?
[AchmeZe continues to fiddle with the emulator]
AchmeZe:...Okay this is...
General Ironicus: Hello?
AchmeZe:...Bu-bugging the living shit out of me...
General Ironicus: Hello sir, are you there?
[AchmeZe loads a state and exits out of the ZSNES menu, upon state load the game sky becomes black and Mario is nowhere to be seen.]
ChipCheezum: What have you done!?
[AchmeZe resets the game]
General Ironicus: Are we ever going to see the end of the first level of Super Mario World?
General Ironicus: Yeah? Is that a promise?
AchmeZe: (Forlorn sounding) No...
General Ironicus: No? It's not? We might not?
ChipCheezum: My god he's talking to us through the video!
[AchmeZe speeds through the title screen of the game]
General Ironicus: Well that looks... standard.
ChipCheezum: (talking as AchmeZe) "That was some in-emulator editing. It's a new part of my rig."
[AchmeZe presses one of the shoulder buttons to scroll the screen, leading to a distorted, glitchy noise instead of the standard sound.]
ChipCheezum: Oh, what did you do to the pause sound?!
AchmeZe: And now the water's blue!
General Ironicus: It was blue all the time!
ChipCheezum: No, he's complaining-the video turned out fine, but he was complaining earlier that the water's green for him. How do you do- h... [Ironicus laughs] You don't have to touch anything with that emulator to make this game run fine! Some of the sounds'll be weird, 'cause it's not perfect emulation, but it'll be fine! How'd you make the ocean green?!
AchmeZe: I don't remember the lag, nor the green water. But that's what you get with an emulator. I don't know why. I mean, for fuck's sake, we have computers that can do things a hundred times...
General Ironicus: A hundred times!
AchmeZe: ...more sophisticated than what our old things could do, and yet for some reason, it's still too advanced for us to emulate this properly!
ChipCheezum: No, you don't get it. One, emulation's actually pretty complicated, because they have to have a processor emulate lots of actual physical hardware instead of just, y'know... it doesn't run on a normal computer, and also, you fucked it up yourself! You keep touching things! And now your game's running at backwards-660 frames per second!
General Ironicus: [laughing] How does that happen!?
- The Legend Of Sweat:
- Let's Recommend :-), also known as Let's Giggle Like Schoolgirls Over Sir Ron Lionheart!
- Mario Party. Alone. AGAIN. includes the following exchange where Chip and Ironicus imagine what an exchange between Catboy12000 and his therapist might be like:General Ironicus: [as CatBoy12000's therapist] "So tell me about this Wario character, we had a lot of work with him last week."
ChipCheezum: [as CatBoy12000] "Well, y'see, any time I play Mario Party, he - uh, I'm on the Mini-Game Island, and he comes up and he gets in my way, and he's really mean, and...sometimes he tells me that nobody likes me, and I know that, y-you told me that, th-that anytime I think that nobody likes me it's just because I don't like myself before I can have any real friends I have to learn to like myself, but I've been doing pretty good at that lately, I mean, when I play Mario Party I don't yell at myself as much..."
General Ironicus: [as CatBoy12000's therapist] "I think you're making great progress, Catboy12000, but... I'd just like to inform you that I don't like you either, and you pay me. Just think about that for a second."
ChipCheezum: [as CatBoy12000] "If I pay you extra, will you tell me that I'm a cool person and that you would high-five me any day of the week?"
General Ironicus: [as CatBoy12000's therapist] "I'm sorry, I have ethics."
ChipCheezum: [as CatBoy12000] "Oh... W-Wario and Yoshi still like me!"
General Ironicus: [as CatBoy12000's therapist] "I've been meaning to tell you."
ChipCheezum: [as CatBoy12000] "What?"
General Ironicus: [as CatBoy12000's therapist] "Yoshi is not a sexual object."
ChipCheezum: [as CatBoy12000] "Y-You're just jealous about Yoshi and I's love! Nothing can get in between me and Yoshi."
General Ironicus: [as CatBoy12000's therapist] "I'm pretty sure that Koopa Trooper can."
ChipCheezum: [as CatBoy12000] "Not for long when I win the mini-game! I will-I'll use save states to preserve our love."
- The MEGA MAC DADDY OF ECOLOGY has their reaction to the new Captain Planet intro:Inexplicable pair of green lips: Captain Planet, he's our man...
General Ironicus: [clearly amused] What is this bullshit?!
ChipCheezum: I know, I j— when I downloaded this, I just took a peek at this and I saw this and immediately I went [Captain Planet looms over a sleeping woman, dressed as a vampire] — WHY IS HE DRACULA? — I just went "this is fucking bullshit". What the hell are these lips?! This is not the theme song I remember at all.
- MINECRAFT, spoofing the LPer's temporally-challenged narrative:ChipCheezum: Remember when we were talking about this video, when I first sent it to you, and the entire time I was just thinking, that the reason why she's doing this is just because it's just a really easy gimmick to do to make people watch your shitty little videos, and it's just always hilarious to watch somebody play a video game they've never played before for the first time.
General Ironicus: But then I thought, is it the first time anymore? Episode 45! At a point, isn't there a point where you have to start being skilled? I thought at the time, is what I said then, in the past.
ChipCheezum: (I don't know how long I can keep doing this! I'm dying! ...I said in the past.)
General Ironicus: I also had a hard time keeping straight the timeline of events! On the one hand, there was, at the time, her speaking in black and white, and then there was her speaking in color, which happened before that, and also before I was taking about it originally, which is before I'm talking about it now. And in the colored part, she's talking about an even further back time.
General Ironicus: A question I wanted to pose, when I first saw this, was why— [both corpse for about 10 seconds] —was why am I watching Minecraft Chick, at this point in my life? Why is there a Minecraft Chick? Why can't we just all be Minecraft players? Why can't, w, wh— [more laughter] it's my bedtime, or something; I need some more popcorn, I thought at the time. What the hell is the point of this game, I wondered to myself at a temporal location different than this one. I need to make a chart, so I said then, last week.
General Ironicus: Why is she making that face? This one is a current observation that I didn't make at the time; I would've remembered it.
- nacho has Chip and Ironicus going bonkers when the LPer completes a mission on Super Mario Sunshine in three minutes, then spends the next seven running around a stage like a complete nut and striking up a conversation.
- Night Trap will be an awesome time.: "You idiot! You never told me you did a Let's Play of Night Trap! That means you have Super-AIDS!"
- No Comment: The bouncy intro and outro make the video.
- NUCLEAR FISSION HOBBY CENTER: Fleeting Demographic Rule at its very finest, coupled with some of the most obnoxious hosts and unnecessary video editing you've ever seen:Jerry: We'll be doing a Retro Review. Which is something we haven't done in weeks.
ChipCheezum: What retro game is this? Sonic? Mega Man?
General Ironicus: They must have gone way back to find a good retro game! Like something off the Commodore, maybe! To prove their cred!
Jerry: It's very underrated. So Josh, tell the good people what game it is!
Josh: We have Ōkami!
General Ironicus: Oh man! I remember when Okami came out for the Atari 2600!
ChipCheezum: Yeah, I know! What the... [gibbering] ...This game came out five years ago, you idiots! Five years doesn't count as "retro"!
General Ironicus: Let me see how "underrated" Okami is. ...a "very underrated" game with a Metascore of 93 out of 100 and a User Score of 9.2! Not a lot of people like this!
Hugh: Oh wow, guys! The proper word I'd say to describe Okami would be 'innovative', I'd say...
ChipCheezum: I hate your voice.
General Ironicus: I got a feeling he went through the entire dictionary word-by-word until he came upon 'innovativuuuggh'.
ChipCheezum: Look. Look, Hugh. It's a video game, it's not fine wine, okay? You're not eating cheese and wine and talking about Helter Skelter, okay?
General Ironicus: 'I'm a connoisseur of retro video games from five years ago!'
ChipCheezum: 'Mmm, yes! I was only born in 2000!'
General Ironicus: Hugh is a pod-person who was specifically developed for reviewing video games. His birthdate was the release of MGS4, this is retro as all hell, man.
ChipCheezum: Look, look, kid, just record yourself talking if you really have to! Don't throw it into After Effects and color-correct it so it's in, like, 300-vision, and don't put a shitty fake vignette over it, 'cuz I know you're using Magic Bullet!
General Ironicus: Yeah, I really like the soft focus, it's like he's really a 45-year-old actress trying to play attractive.
- Chip & Ironicus' grilling of Fusion Media Network was so thorough (up to and including a complete and constructive list of things that could be improved) that the channel went on indefinite hiatus as a result of the backlash.
- the pokemon don't stop, featuring a guy who records and uploads five episodes of Pokémon Black and White on its release date, has commentary consisting of sick-sounding groaning, and just randomly fast-forwarding through several battles.
General Ironicus: You are literally in a kindergarten beating up children's pets!
- Our player pays a visit to the daycare.
General Ironicus: Your Pokemon don't seem to be healthy, they're suffering from an acute case of bloodlust.
- Pong? Pong. A ten year old LPs Pong.General Ironicus: Let's Play... Powerpoint?
ChipCheezum: No, let's just have an intro with no music.
[The video cuts to the LPers TV, with a camcorder at a terrible angle.]
LPer: Hello, people of Youtube!
slowbeef: [incredulous] What?
slowbeef: It's like this kid was trapped in a time capsule from 1976.
General Ironicus: Is Brendan Fraser doing Lets Plays now?
slowbeef: We're in some kind of a time vortex; his grandfather's going to be Let's Playing Resident Evil 5. 'Just load your Atari into my hovercraft, Jimmy!'
[The LPer starts making beeping noises.]
General Ironicus: [laughing] Oh god...how do you go back to the Youtube standby of singing the music when there is no music? [Everyone laughs] 'I'LL JUST BEEP LIKE THE PADDLE!'
- Ret's Rurf is so titled because DeceasedCrab is doing commentary with a mouth stuffed full of gauze after wisdom tooth removal — for his opening video of the Game Boy Advance title based on Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus. Since he's too unintelligible to riff on for very long, Chip and Ironicus turn to the comments:General Ironicus: "They gave you a little too much laughing gas didn't they?" I don't think they gave enough, 'cause he's still conscious enough to actually do a Let's Play.
- Retsupurae Mario Party has Cauchemar 89 going on with how he hates Mario and Peach in Skateboard Scamper and the reveal of Cauchemar having over 500 videos in an entire year, half of which were just first videos on Let's Plays that he never finished, but the best moment is pretending he owns an unreleased beta of the minigame
"Skateboard Scamper""Skaetbord Skampurr", which isn't nearly as "tauffer" as the original. His incomprehensible Swiss accent is the cherry on top.
- Retsupurae Mario Statistics starts off like a very bland LP with boring commentary. Then at the three minute fifteen second mark:LPer: That's uuh... that's enough of that.
General Ironicus: Yes, you're right that's enough.
LPer: Right now I think it's time to get up close and personal with my viewers. Whadda ya think?
General Ironicus: NO! NO! NO! Plea- NO!
ChipCheezum: GOD NO!
General Ironicus:' NO! NO! NO! N-
[The screen fades out from the Super Mario Bros 3 Let's Play and reveals the obese, neckbearded let's player]
ChipCheezum: Oh- [screams in fear for a few seconds] OH GOD!
General Ironicus: NO! [laughs] Oh, look at you.
- Retsupurae Megaman 1 features audio and video that become progressively more out of sync over time, to the point where the gameplay video lasts a full 45 seconds after the audio cuts off! Sometimes the juxtaposition is unexpectedly appropriate:[In the video, whiplash308 starts his attempt at fighting Iceman with Rolling Cutter.]
[In the audio, Mega Man has already died while using Rolling Cutter, forcing whiplash308 to reload his save state.]
whiplash308: Oh well, guess we're gonna have to do this the slow way.
General Ironicus: WHAT!?
ChipCheezum: He's gonna take him out the slow way by using a completely ineffective weapon for this boss.
General Ironicus: A weapon that does less damage than his Mega Buster shots... and has no range. Against Iceman who is range; that's all he's got.
General Ironicus: The more he plays, I think the audio and video are gonna sync back up again, 'cause it's the same thing over and over again.
ChipCheezum: It's just gonna loop all the way back.
General Ironicus: Eventually it's gonna match, just one loss early.
ChipCheezum: Right, and it'll be in sync for a little bit and then it'll just go right back out of sync. Which really upsets me.
General Ironicus: It's like your blinker and the guy's blinker in front of you. It matches for a while, and then it's alternating, and then it matches for a while.
ChipCheezum: That's what I was thinking too.
- Really, the whole video is funny as all hell, thanks to the LPers complete and total incompetence. He sounds like a robot thanks to audio issues, is so bad at Mega Man it's not even funny, and his commentary is horrible. Chip and Ironicus have a great time picking the idiot apart.
- Retsupurae Sly Co-SQUIRRELS. The LPer in question mentions a squirrel once at the beginning of the video—in addition to his username being 'BUCYTHESQUIRREL'—and Chip and Ironicus run with it.
- "I called it the Squirrel-caust because that's really what it is!"
- Retsupurae Sonic 3D, which features the end of a badly tacked on vore story and Chip deciding that he has a fetish for bored looking women.
General Ironicus: [[after being interrupted again]] Ahhhh! Let us get out a sentence you inconsiderate...poorly-leveled audio...
- The two can barely finish a thought throughout the LP because the LPer's voiceover becomes very loud and heavily echoed when voicing other characters.
ChipCheezum: I'm sure he was excited...I don't know. I just saw belly. He likes vore. I don't know what I was going for...
- Retsupurae Sonic Advance 2 starts off as a generic bad LP, but at the 3-minute mark it veers into uncomfortable as the LPer says that he thinks one of the game's points is a rape fantasy. As an aside.General Ironicus: And he just goes on with the video like it ain't no thing. Yeah. "I...I just talked about a very very fat robot expert kidnapping a woman and raping her." Yeah, yeah that's normal. This is a kids game, what do you expect? C'mon!
- Retsupurae Sonic the Squish-Hog is so titled because the LPer took the term 'video compression' very literally.ChipCheezum: "I blame compressing my DS vids before this why the vid is so small and I don't feel like fixing it". When you compress a video, you... reduce the quality of the picture, you don't...
General Ironicus: ...actually compress it.
ChipCheezum: You don't squish it. [Ironicus chuckles] Why'd you squish Sonic into like a theatrical release ratio?
General Ironicus: Preview, this LP not approved for any audience by the MPAA. It's rated T for "Terrible".
[megamike reloads a save state at the top of a half-pipe after failing to ascend the other side]
- He's also frustratingly inept at the game, despite claiming familiarity with Sonic 2:
ChipCheezum and General Ironicus: You just drop and—
[Sonic falls down one side but loses his momentum due to megamike not pressing any buttons and is stuck at the bottom again]
General Ironicus: —now you hold right. No...
ChipCheezum: No, you turn into a ball so that you get more speed; you're dumb!
[megamike struggles in vain to get Sonic up the platforms in the middle of the half-pipe]
megamike: If only you had the damn Spin Dash I could get up there easily!
ChipCheezum: [whispering] You can't Spin Dash in the first Sonic game!
- The other half of the video's humor comes from Chip doing impressions of megamike in a high, floaty voice. These moments frequently imply Furry Fandom:ChipCheezum: "Can animals consent to make love? I'm just saying this because I have some blue dye and my friend has a hedgehog, and I bought some red and white colored sneakers that are very tiny because I am a small person."
General Ironicus: All you have to do is put it in a box with a fox who's wearing an extra tail strapped to it that you borrowed from your furry friend and let nature take its course.
ChipCheezum: "I will get a hedgehog kitsune. It will be born with nine tails."
General Ironicus: All of them incredibly fast.
ChipCheezum: "They will- all the tails will have feet, and they have little sneakers on them the second they are born."
General Ironicus: Well, you gotta make the sneakers custom. That's what makes it your baby.
ChipCheezum: "I even got a certificate."
ChipCheezum: Why do an LP? Why do an LP of something that's been LPed a million times if other people have done it better?
General Ironicus: I imagine what happened is he found like, a Cybershell video, and that "inspired" him to make a Let's Play... but he kind of missed point of like, "y'know, I could do any game, not just Sonic!"
ChipCheezum: "Cybers-hell you are my Let's Play role model! And I'm going to make a video tribute to you and I'm gonna reply it to your videos on YouTube and I hope you see them because I want to kiss you!"
- Retsupurae Super Mario Sixty-Story is just a goldmine for comedy for Chip Cheezum.
- Retsupurae w/ The Afrin Nose went into there the moment that "Shut up, Joe!" arrived.
- R.I.P.: Ironicus accidentally breaking his watch while reacting to a camcorder Lets Play of Pac-Man World 2.General Ironicus: He does widescreen, he does 4 by 3, he does... Pac-Man... [beat] Pac-Man?
[amazingly loud Wakka-Wakka-Wakka noise]
ChipCheezum: An unending hell of Wakka-Wakka-Wakka.
- Even better, Ironicus' reaction to the phone ringing in the background:General Ironicus: It's-it's a sound effect-it's the boss life bar-it really is a phone. It's a phone. You're answering the goddamn phone!
- Even better, Ironicus' reaction to the phone ringing in the background:
- Sorry about the birthday, General Ironicus. features a child playing a Club Penguin DS game and struggling to get through the naming screen. The cause of this is later revealed as the kid using a hilariously convoluted style of recording — holding the system up to a mirror in such a way that he can't see anything on the screen.Annotation: [after he accidentally exits out of the screen a second time] DANGET!!
ChipCheezum: (laughs) Dang it, Norbert!
- The annotations also cause quite a bit of humor, as does Chip and Ironicus donning a Mundane Made Awesome nature over a simple children's game.ChipCheezum: CUSTOMIZE YOUR PENGUIN!
- The annotations also cause quite a bit of humor, as does Chip and Ironicus donning a Mundane Made Awesome nature over a simple children's game.
- Super Sonic Sunday: Chip and Ironicus take on the recent Sonic fan made movie, mocking everything from the graphics to the fact that the movie was filled to the brim with cameos from popular Internet commentators.General Ironicus: [About a group of Egg Carriers] It looks like they're there for a birthday party!
- "Knuckles! Start rapping, please! Anything—Pumpkin Hill Zone! Get me out of here!"
- A Tale of Demons, You Might Say: Where Chip spends the entire episode dissecting the "symbolism" of the animation:ChipCheezum: Here's a golem wearing a face mask, it's very deep! It's so sad... but the water will purify this man... and he will turn into a fag.
General Ironicus: For everyone who wants to know, Chip's name on Newgrounds is BadgerMasada.
- The ending tops it all off, where the duo find a user review that makes the exact same observations about the Flash movie as Chip did, up to and including the "floating baloney slices".
- This is What You've Been Missing: Chip finds an RP he thought he had lost and decides to show us what we missed. Quack.ChipCheezum: You'd think an LP done by The Penguin would be more entertaining.
- While watching a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon LP, they get bored and start making up their own story. It's called Tokemon. note The boredom comes from the LPer in question being a bland Sir Ron Lionheart clone.General Ironicus: You're not SirRon, stop being SirRon.
- Top 10 Shakespeare Video Game Moments. Two guys make a list of what they consider the saddest video game moments. Their over-dramatic attitudes make for some riffing gold.ChipCheezum: They showed a whole bunch of random games in that intro, but I really hope Super Paper Mario is in this list somewhere [Number 5 appears]
General Ironicus: I hope so.
ChipCheezum: Cause I don't know what you can even say is said in Super Paper Mario [Super Paper Mario appears] excep- SUPER PAPER MARIO!
Autarch of Flame: [quoting Count Bleck] "Hundreds of thousands of years from now, that fact will not have changed..." Remind me to say those words at my wedding.
Both: [Spit Take]
General Ironicus: I was just going to say that I would love to see these guys in a relationship if they think this is like timeless romance.
Autarch of Flame: As Gamma lays on the ground malfunctioning, Beta explodes and reveals the bird inside him.
[Chip and Ironicus burst into laughter]
General Ironicus: That is a serious sentence that someone said about emotionally moving moments.
Autarch of Flame: Picture this:
ChipCheezum: Picture this: You're a bird!
Autarch of Flame: This death really hit home with us because of how real a character Gamma seemed.
ChipCheezum: Don't even say it! If you quote that- [Kirk's Eulogy Scene plays] NO! YOU'RE DOING IT! YOU'RE DOING IT!
GeneralIronicus: You... you don't get to do that.
- Six Months Later, they finally cover Part 2, and it is glorious.Autarch of Flame: ... Numbers 2 and 1 are entire games that are sad moments.
GeneralIronicus: What a cop-out!
ChipCheezum: That is a cop-out! What is number 2? What is number 2? It can't possibly be anything sad. [the game's title appears] Metal Gear Solid 4?!
Autarch of Flame: All of it.
GeneralIronicus: Inclu-especially the part where you break the penis off a statue.
- Chip and Ironicus' abridged version of the pre-number 1 countdown.#10: Imagine you're a bird.
#9: Imagine you're a JRPG character and you die.
#8: Imagine you're in a Western game and you die.
#7: Imagine you had to wait a long time.
#6: Imagine your horse fell into a hole.
#5: No, no, get this off my screen.
#4: Imagine you're a JRPG character. And it never ends.
#3: Imagine you're a JRPG character.
#2: You're Snake.
- The Stinger playsGamma: Give me the bird.
Yakko Warner: We'd love to really, but the Fox censors won't allow us.
ChipCheezum: IMAGINE YOU'RE A BIRD! IMAGINE YOU'RE A BIRD! IMAGINE YOU'RE A BIRD!
GeneralIronicus: Imagine you're Yakko Warner.
- Chip and Ironicus' abridged version of the pre-number 1 countdown.
- A Valentine's Day LP (Part 1) features a camcorder LP of Pokemon Yellow, while the LPer grinds levels and talks to his girlfriend on the phone about bowling. Chip and Ironicus react about as well as expected, with Chip going ballistic over several Jeff Dunham references. Bonus points for the second part, which features the LPer announcing the end of said LP, with the duo speculating that his girlfriend broke up with him.
- VIDEO WITH JOKES ABOUT VIDEOGAMES [FUNNY (LAUGH)] : Chip Cheezum and slowbeef suffer through a "funny" highlight reel by someone with a sketchy grasp of humor.
- WHO IS A POKEMON IN THIS CRAZY WORLD: From ChipCheezum and General Ironicus' retsupuraes, where the two take the partially obscured phrases from the game and run with it.General Ironicus: 'hoose a Pokemon' indeed.
ChipCheezum: Who is a Pokemon in this crazy world?
General Ironicus: Probably Pikachu, but I'm not—
ChipCheezum: No, excuse me, the screen clearly stated that it was Pikac!
General Ironicus: ...That just doesn't get old! Are you a Pokemon? Are you a poke—
ChipCheezum: I don't know! I don't know who's a Pokemon anymore! We're all going to have to take a DNA sample and I have to torch the DNA samples to see which one's the Pokemon! Oh my god, he's a Pokemon! Get your flamethrowers out!
- When the player takes control of Red/Ash/whomever, the player clocks up the program, making him move way faster.General Ironicus: When did... how... when did Ash get... time shift powers?
ChipCheezum: He merged with the Speed Force!
- When the player's attempt to catch a Pidgey goes horribly awry:ChipCheezum: Your Pikac is about to die!
General Ironicus: [incredulous] It-it-it got knocked out! The Pi...
ChipCheezum: You lost at Pokemon! It's like at the beginning of the game! You got owned by a Pidge! [Ironicus just busts out laughing] Now, go select your Pok.
- When the player takes control of Red/Ash/whomever, the player clocks up the program, making him move way faster.
- Who Retsupuraes the Retsupuraers?: Before he uploads his next LP... I just want to go to his house and try and stop him. But for all I know he probably uploaded it 35 minutes ago.
- The fact that Ironicus spent a good portion of the video making Watchmen references was pretty impressive and funny in and of itself.
- WiiFatChipCheezum: Wait, stop. Look what's behind him... to the left of him.
[Ironicus starts cracking up]
ChipCheezum: Look at all those pop bottles! They're still sealed! What is going on in there!
General Ironicus: As soon as this hits a thousand views, he is gonna crack all those open at once and bathe in it.
ChipCheezum: Why would you have so much pop?
General Ironicus: It's so sticky, but it's so good!
- Wolverine's Special Home Remedy. Within the first thirty seconds of the video, the LPer suddenly blurts out that he somehow managed to get soap in his urethra. Chip and Ironicus spend the rest of the video making soap-in-dick jokes, culminating with an hilarious rant about how Wolverine is addicted to cutting off his own dick and puts soup in it as a "soothing" natural remedy:TheSlyKy: Oh so...I got off the shower a few hours ago and yo when I was washing...mah dick... I got some soap in that motherfucka and that shit stung like a fuckin' bitch! Stung worse than a needle or a pinch...or like a bee sting...oh actually I dunno how that feels like 'cuz I've never got stung 'cuz I'm a lucky ass. But anyway, we're going to play...
[Ironicus bursts into giggles.]
General Ironicus: I love it already!
[TheSlyKy types in his name in the profile screen]
General Ironicus: "Thehzzleeky"! "The Sleeky!"
ChipCheezum: "It's leaky! Help! My dick! Help! It won't stop! I think the soap started something!"
General Ironicus: It activated the X-Gene in his dick. It's now a super prehensile dick. His dick is Reed Richards.
General Ironicus: I probably would call my dick Mr. Fantastic if I could get away with it.
Sabertooth: [looking at Wolverine] I knew I smelled something rotten!
ChipCheezum: [as Wolverine] "If you smell something rotten it ain't me because I got soap ALL UP in my dick! No, that smell isn't coming from me, must be you."
General Ironicus: Man, one time Wolverine got shot in the head and he was like really hurting. Almost as if he got soap in his dick.
ChipCheezum: Not much you can do to regenerate soap out of your dick. You're just going to have to live with it, Wolverine. I mean, you could cut your dick off and regenerate your dick I guess. "AAH! Don't want a soapy dick any more! GET OFF! GET OFF ME!"
General Ironicus: The problem is he does it all the time. Like he just can't not do it!. Basically next time Wolverine cuts his dick off you can look at it and it's like the rings of a tree!
ChipCheezum: "Wolverine! You're on your twelfth dick ALREADY?"
General Ironicus: "I'm the best at what I do! And what I do is slice off my own dick! Into little bite size hot dogs what with the several claws!"
ChipCheezum: [cries with laughter]
- "Soup's for eating, Wolverine!"
- While not a Retsupurae of an LP, much of Chip and Ironicus' Retsufrash of the Xin series is pure hilarity. Especially when Ironicus breaks out his smug tough guy voice.General Ironicus: It's a very tasty cylinder. I kicked it. Myself. And it became cake. Through the power of my violence.
- YABBA. The two riff on a promotional video for a pinball machine based off of the 1994 Flintstones movie, which comes across as noisy, with lots of multiballs and screen gimmicks. Not helping is the announcer's caveman pun addiction.Announcer: Not impressed?
Chip and Ironicus, in unison: No.
- This gem right at the end.Announcer: Everybody from Teen-stoneagers to Pre-fossilized adults will want to Yabba-Dabba-Do it every chance they get.
General Ironicus: [laughs] That's the dirtiest thing I've heard in this game all about slapping your balls!
- This gem right at the end.
- ZeldaAAaaAAAGH, a riff on an Ocarina of Time video whose footage gets suddenly corrupted to the point that a Ben Drowned reference is even in the video tags, all while the Let's Player is busy arguing with his mother over going to bed early.ChipCheezum: "You got the KRRHHRRHRBBBLRLBRBRGGGH"
- FUCK YOU PROTON JON bashes ProtonJon for his infamous Super Mario TKO LP, focusing on the terrible videos that it spawned.LesBeardly: I don't have anything against Proton Jon, but he did something in this video that's...pretty unforgivable.
ProtonJon: This time I'm gonna let you guys play along... simply because I want to try something different.
- Mega Man 7: The Most Pathetic Annotations Ever: YouTube once had a feature where people could permit viewers to add their own annotations. Les demonstrates why there's a good reason this feature was removed: it causes an absolutely unreadable mess.[video shows two annotations that read "<3"]
LesBeardly: [echoing] Less than three!
- A Misogynist's Foam Adventure. LesBeardly tries to prove that he's not a misogynist by watching two incredibly annoying, immature girls. He suffers. Greatly.
- Rock Mario X: Bommer Climbing ChaosLesBeardly: Pause, save state, unpause.
- Super Mario World: Kirsten Land Lesbeardly offers a classy retsupurae. note
- Super Mario World: Pipe Patch It starts normal until...LesBeardly: (mocking the LPer) Oh God what should I say what should I say? I just got a 30 day trial of Camstudio and didn't put any thought into...
[very loud music plays]
LesBeardly: OH MY GOD MY FUCKING EARS! WHY IS YOUR VOLUME SO HIGH? TURN IT DOWN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
- Untamed Mario World: Kirsten Land 2 has mrhonk123's green apple incident where the ROM hacker discovers what the green apples he added to Yoshi's House do.LesBeardly: Upon the discovery that the green apples add to his time limit, he quickly devises a strategy to avoid them, and then just as quickly abandons it.
- What happens when Mike Dawson roleplays as a Half-Life character? You get Ardy Freeman.
- The Audacity of Metroid, a video done by a Jerkass LPer whose commentary consists entirely of mocking the enemies and whining about how terrible his life is.Mel 14986: My mom ran some freaking errands, okay? She got some groceries. She comes home, she knows I'm upstairs recording, she knows how long I record, usually an hour and a half, and then, she has the audacity to call me down there and go 'Hey, why didn't you help me bring the groceries in?'
- Horses, Horses, Horses. A brony LPs an old My Little Pony DS game complete with Friendship is Magic border, despite the game being pre-FiM.
- I Wanna End It All riffs a moron playing I Wanna Be The Boshy. Everyone suffers.
- In Related News..., LMB was notified of a bizarrely titled video in the Related Videos section. "Asian Jizzcakes" by "inuyashamaroku" (sic). After viewing the racist, sexist, perverted, and offensive in every way video, he proceeded to give a through thrashing of his channel.
- Kids These Days...-_-;: A riff on a twelve year old who posted a video trashing his dad, after said dad found his Youtube page and chewed him out for bad language. He then goes off on bizarre tangents about school and shows the audience his yearbook, all while apparently forgetting he's not allowed to cuss.
- Let's Play with Stupid Rainbows: A terrible 'LP' of Robot Unicorn Attack.
- Metranoid; a kid with the world's worst camcorder ineptly 'reviews' Metroi-sorry, Metranoid Prime.
- Painful Player Podcast, a riff on David from 4Player Podcast.
- After the ensuing backlash from angry 4PP fans, one of the guys made an 'apology' video. It must be seen to be believed.
- Pants Hadoken starts with an incredibly long anime intro, then cuts to Street Fighter on the 3DS with a mumbling LPer. Winston potato chips.
- Rage Against The Machinima: A riff on a Zelda ROM Hack LP by Exploding Rabbit. Well, a riff on half of it.
- Shuffle and "Ooaw!", a video of a seventeen-year-old getting a little too excited over his Pokemon cards.
- Unthinkable: a bizarre 'music video' made by playing Alicia Keyes over Metroid: Other M footage, recorded on a terrible camcorder.
- What It Takes To Be The Guy, a seventeen minute long riff on an atrocious video. Much to the RPers amusement, the LPer keeps screeching and babbling incoherently, interspersed with technical difficulties and Skype calls.
- Jeezy Cries EPIC EMULATED FAAAAAIL: the LPer plays Metal Gear Solid with an untested emulator which lags in various spots and glitches up Gray Fox's camouflage, and at one point Fox seems to jump out of the game. Then the LPer realizes halfway through the video that maybe something's wrong with his emulator and starts changing settings while still recording. The absolute crowning moment though is when the LPer declares "epic win" after depleting Gray Fox's lifebar only to immediately walk into the boss's Kaizo Trap. The final four minutes of the video consist exclusively of Mugiwara Yoshi laughing his ass off, barely able to speak coherent sentences for over a minute, and ThornBrain verbally face-palming It has to be watched to be believed.
- ThornBrain and Mugiwara Yoshi present the Let's Play Pokemon Black & White BEFORE IT COMES OUT Trilogy. Three videos of idiots playing a leaked ROM of the game before it came out IN JAPAN. Meaning it's all in Japanese text they can't read. The first video consists of a douchebag making extremely unfunny racist and sexist jokes, made even worse when ThornBrain learns they live in the same town. The second video has worse visual quality and he didn't patch the game, making him unable to gain experience points. The third video was a female LPer with a similar voice to QueenieZ and a similar Gamer Chick attitude.
- Retsupurae Cut or Speed Up for Dummies: While the video itself is pretty uneventful they did notice the LPer's sister, and make gold in the after video.
- TheStrawhatNO!'s Retsupuraes of n00b22222's Super Mario Bros. 2 videos, due to n00b making mistakes that sometimes get between the cracks of the game's logic. Often results in the commentators choking with laughter.
- N00b has trouble with bombs throughout his LP.
- He has trouble with keys.
- He threads the needle in a strange way with another bomb.
- He attempts to rush to the next exit with a key.Mugiwara Yoshi: I'm just waiting for spikes to be on the floor.
[screen scrolls down, revealing spikes. N00b lands on said spikes]
Mugiwara Yoshi laughs so hard he barely can breathe.
- He doesn't realize that a cloud is in the background.
- He climbs up a ladder, gets hit and dies immediately.
- He encounters a glitch with another ladder.
- And finally, you're not going to believe what happens when he tries using a shell.Mugiwara Yoshi: [hysterical laughter] How does he do it?! How does he do this?! [beat] He just defies Mario logic altogether!
- LargeMentalBlock, ProtagonistRP and TheStrawhatNO! witness an abysmal Final Fantasy XIII LP done on a camera with a broken zoom switch. Yes, hilarity ensues.
Slowbeef: (after reading a comment that the video was already done by 3 other retsupurae accounts) Somebody pass this video to Chip Cheezum for an even 5.
- And now, the main Retsupurae duo has given their insight on the video as well. The commentaries on all 4 have been compiled into one video. Be warned, it's difficult to hear anyone clearly besides slowbeef, Diabetus, and ThornBrain.
- Fireman/Flameman/Whateverman (retsupurae) by ProtagonistRP. "Save state abuse" doesn't begin to describe it. The LPer's emulator queues recent messages, and at one point there are literally ten "GAME SAVED IN SLOT 0" messages which cover a quarter of the screen."I've seen Kaizo Mario World LPs that don't use save states as much as this."
- Jucaprost's Let's All Play Robot Unicorn Attack! and Let's Literally Tease Everyone are short and sweet pieces of hilarity.
- Let's Play Bush Throwing Simulator: Joats and JadeStar's RP of an unbelievably inept Let's Play of Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past. It literally takes the player three videos to find the first dungeon (something which would take even a newcomer to the Zelda series no more than three minutes to accomplish). Not only does it take him three videos to find the dungeon, he actually had to consult GameFAQs (while still recording. He also left his computer at this point to answer the phone) then proceeded to go to the wrong location anyway.Jade Star: Part 3 of Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past. Part 2 was interrupted by a phone call from the LPer's dad. And no surprise, he still didn't find the dungeon during part 2.
Joats: It's here somewhere.
[The LPer runs back to the first area of the game]
Joats: It's in front of Link's house.
- Summed up nicely here.
- lets play super mario bros 2 nostalgically, a video where Psychedelic Eyeball mocks the Nostalgia Critic and his fans (as well as slowbeef in a throwaway line that mocks his Jurassic Park video). Has to be seen to be believed.
- let's play another mario romhack, where he mocks ProtonJon and his endless romhack videos. Worth watching just to hear Eyeball try to imitate Jon's voice.
- RP Sonic Adventure Trailer: Research Indicates took this video and did nothing more than remove the annotations that covered most of the screen and replaced the annoying kid's voice with himself saying the horribly broken english from the original video, word for word. The result is hilarious.
- Then for a later video, RI actually got the same kid who did the sonic video to help him retsupurae the finale to the Survival Kids LP which Diabetus originally mocked for two videos through the main Retsupurae account (see the first folder for those videos).
- The strange, sad case of Bubsy B. Bobcat puts ProtagonistRP in the unlikely situation of defending the Bubsy games, even Bubsy 3D.
- Super savestate Mario Loadstate brothers by IMSUPERLPER with co-commentator captinjingles. The title gag ("save state" and "load state" Verbal Tics) is just the appetizer. How about technical difficulties forcing a jump-cut halfway through that introduces game lag and random eruptions of audio static, when the LPer's video and audio were unimpressive to begin with? Also the Running Gag of "State 7" being a great place to hang out.captinjingles: He titled the video "mic sucks" so you know he was aware of it — load state — and he uploaded it anyway. Load state.
- From the same two, we get Top five list as done by a pedophile. There are no words. (Don't worry, the video doesn't actually contain any pedophilia—they're just making fun of the guy, since they don't know he's just acting.)
- Proteus and Psychedelic Eyeball team up in Thanks for sharing, champ. The LPer abuses save states and complains about being tired in order to excuse not showing even the slightest bit of skill at Super Mario World ROM hacks. And then he parks Mario right in the middle of a stomping column's path and doesn't move an inch.Psychedelic Eyeball: [giggles uncontrollably] Did you see—? [degenerates into another giggling fit]
Proteus: What the fuck, he just stands there?
Psychedelic Eyeball: Yeah, he's so tired.
Proteus: Oh, god. [mocking] So tired. I can't press— right on the d-pad, oh— fuck.
- ForeverPandering did a commentary (this links to a mirror) over iJustine's infamous Portal 2 LP. Though she initially seems to be decent at the game, it progressively becomes an Apocalyptic Log for FP, as he sits confounded about how she can't solve the second puzzle in the game.iJustine: I whip my portal back and forth, I whip my portal back and forth...
ForeverPandering: SHUT! UP!
- This viewer comment, posted to the first part of the Nocturnal Letters Retsufrash, contains a hurricane of memes and in-jokes hilarious to any long-time Retsupurae fan:"I was walking to my bedroom to play this game, and I slipped on a glooey rod and knocked my head on a grotty, piss-stained toilet. I woke up and had a vision of the Flux Capacitor. I went back in time and stopped the author from NOT making this game. After I tried to go back to the present, I ran out of plutonium, so I had to wait another 5 years for this piece of shit to come out. Finally I got a chance to play it. To my dismay, I couldn't find the play button.10/10" — RReviews
- Apropos of the Arise 3 video, user Zakuzelo writes: "My horrible, virus-induced death will not take any longer than 10 minutes because that is the YouTube limit."
- There's just some things you shouldn't try out, as AcetheGolden learned the hard way in his comment on the video Kirby: "I said xxthornxx 3 times at my monitor, and an insane man with a clown suit jumped out of my screen, loudly exclaimed "GREASED LIGHTNIN'!", stole all my hot dogs, and ran down the street. Thanks guys."
- Bladedlightning suggests that megamike of Retsupurae Sonic the Squish-Hog is actually an innovator of cinematography:Don't be fooled. It may seem that he compressed the video because he's a technologically incompetent moron, but it isn't.
He altered the dimensions of the video to create an elaborate illusion of enhanced lateral velocity. This isn't moronic. This is sheer brilliance.
- At the end of the Arise 4 retsufrash, Cooliespy345 invoked slowbeef and Betus's making fun of the forced Title Drops in the Trapped series to create a mishmash with various flash titles they had made fun of:"I feel Trapped in this Pursuit and I need to Escape the Horror of this Death Trap so I can Arise to the Satanorium so I can apply my Elements to my Arrival in Hell....10/10"
- In response to the Star Strike (1995) RP: Star Strike Rave!
- Myrmidon51, on the Let's Play presented in Holy crap, Louie.:
- From part 11 of the Dark Seed II longplay, CSB gives us possibly the funniest variation of NAVGTR's Tomb Raider 3 suggestion:Navgtr: "We have a challenge to Cyberdreams."
"In Dark Seed II, create a storyline in which Mike Dawson develops adult autism. Imagine the drama of a vulnerable Mike Dawson still persisting in his Dark World adventures, despite his illness.
It may sound retarded, no pun intended, but we guarantee the gaming world would be shocked, stunned, and moved at the effort to make Mike's character more meaningful."
Cyberdreams: "Challenge accepted."
"I think that the carnival was a product of Mike's imagination, to be honest. It's literally all free, the people are incredibly weird, Minnie and Daisy actually like him, and he uses Dark World items at the carnival, but not in other places around town.
- A sadly ignored YouTube commenter wondered who is the ultimate Unsympathetic Adventure Game Protagonist: Mike Dawson or Curtis Craig.
- If your name's Mike Dawson, and you've posted a video on YouTube, expect to be asked a few questions in your comments.
- Part 5 of the long version has this interpretation of the carnival:
In other words, Mike couldn't beat a ring toss he was making with his mind. He's that pathetic.
- Elly."It legitimately angers me that none of these people realize that Slowbeef started LP."
- From Yowie wowie!!:"Due to the confusion over this video, I live in a state of perpetual arousal and non-arousal at the same time. I have Schrodinger's hard-on."
- One of the comments on the Arise games' videos expresses horror at seeing one of the Halloween masks that one of the games' many Jump Scare JPEGs ripped off - not at the mask itself, but the idea that something from the internet found him in Real Life.YouTube comment: The entire Arise series is like my cat. It likes to jump and startle me, and has a distinct love for drawers and keys.
- The top YouTube comments on Arise 3: "I feel that Slowbeef is running down a hallway dragging Diabeetus after him" and "Slowbeef has evolved into Fastbeef."
peaceandlovegaming: Slowbeef's playthrough of Arise 3 will not take more than 10 minutes cause that IS the game's time limit.
- And, more recently:
- Dawson Man- Ring Toss Extraordinaire
- From Part 2 of the Dark Seed longplay:Thomal9: The house is drafty and creaky, half the windows are missing, the garage is only accessible via climbing down the balcony, and there's a portal to hell in the living room filled with aliens who want to destroy humanity. 10/10
- From the "Gaming Journalism" video on Chip's channel:ThisIsCertainlyExile: Perhaps this is what Xin would look like with more titty-mmm-bop-bop-tittays.
- This .GIF◊.
- "A Look at Ancient LP Technology" has none other than Quadraxis14 showing that he has a sense of humor:Quadraxis14: I can't lie; every time I see a Retsupurae with Super Mario World I get nervous that it's going to involve SNES9X going to involve SNES9X going to involve SNES9X going to involve SNES9X
- These two comments for the main account's Metroid: Other M Wrongpurae. The first is a rant against the entire game, especially Sakamoto's influence, while the second is a count of various events, such as saying the word baby, authorizations, and slowbeef's getting pissed.
This game is a cancer on an otherwise superb franchise. Sakamoto comes off as a bitter old man who is pouting because Miyamoto and Retro made a better Metroid game than him, so he has proclaimed himself the godking of the franchise and says "Yeah, those Prime games...really didn't happen." FUCK YOU Sakamoto, Prime's fucking readable lore gave more backstory to the Metroid universe and the Chozo than ALL of this games atrocious, Samus character raping cutscenes. Thanks for fucking up Metroid...
- First comment:
- Second comment:-Final Count(down)-
"Baby" count - 42
Slowbeef getting pissed count - 35
Misogyny count - 55
General Adam's authorizations - 12
Diabetus going southern - 2
Dead to Rights - 2
- From the "Tasting Menu" for the Other M wrongpurae, first is this:TheThreadWeaver: That scene where Anthony saves Samus from Ridley encapsulates everything I hate about Other M. The iconic, badass Samus having to be saved from an enemy she's fought, like 5 times now by a cookie cutter military FPS soldier with a giant gun.
- Then, there's these responses to one of Diabetus' lines about "the baby":Ruʀfs: 1:06 Diabetus foretells the future.
Crimea: Slowbeef's wife hands him his newly born child. Showbeef cradles the weeping infant in his arms and shouts "IT WAS AS IF THE BABY WAS CRYING SPECIFICALLY FOR ME DOT DOT DOT..."
cartmann94: Then the doctor tells the lucky parents: "She's a girl! She shall be named Ridley".
- Horror! ... No, that's really the game's name. brings us a shocking revelation by The Shadow CookieToday I woke up, happily starting into the day. However, downstairs a mirriror was broken. And I realized the horrible truth... Somebody got murdered in my house. I never spoke to my parents again. I just sat in a corner, thinking about that they could get me too. I realized, that my futur was a dark one.
- The top comment from Throne High Part NineAlexander would later come to regret the hasty marriage as he realized he only became King over a half-dozen infertile islands with no sense of economy and around three dog-headed knights, a pot-bellied genie, and a clown to protect him from the annual viking pillagers. When petitioning his father Graham for help and soldiers, he merely retorted "Why don't you pull out your magic map?" and left him for dead, trollface.
- The top comment for their RP of Bioshock:"I am Retsupurae, and I'm here to ask you a question: is a man not entitled to watch a decent LP?
"No," says the AVGN-wannabe. "He must watch me turn blue, reference dead memes, and rant about the SRS BZNS of Transformers canon."
"No," says thehof. "I need to finish planting the new rosebush before my mom will buy me a better camcorder."
"NO, OKAY?" says Rijno, the sound of his voice driving us all to stick knives in our ears and miss the rest of what he says.
- The top comment on "Let's Play Half Blind I mean Life":ZoomingDakota: When [thehof] put on fullbright it was like he opened the Ark of the fucking Covenant; I know my face melted, sorry if I made any typos but my eyes are kinda on the keyboard.
- A notorious bit of speculation from a top comment on "True Shit":mysterioso2006: The main character is Trip's great great great grandfather.
- The top comment on Let's Play... What the hell is this?:Shadow78954: Man, Slenderman has REALLY hit rock bottom since the fame got to him.
- Some of the top comments on the "No Comment" video took the Insane Troll Logic within it (saying more would spoil the punchline) and ran with it:DelzaArmy: I decided to try that and am now Batman, true story
Crazy56U: I think I did this wrong. I somehow ended up becoming Jesus.
- Part 5 of "Resident Seavil"'s highlight is John Mayor catching a key card in the dorkiest fashion imaginable◊. Now that John Mayor is forever associated with catching things, Stainbreak poses the obvious question:
- SNES9X - "SNES9X" + Piano Concerto No. 1 = A Nervous Slowbeef Reads "On Liberty"
- ImmortalHDFilms took his Retsupurae in very good humor:ImmortalHDFilms: But, like, did you like, [buy] my shirts?
slowbeef: Did you buy one of ours? [posts a link to their Etsy shop] If you buy one, I'll draw a picture of Asura.
ImmortalHDFilms: OH MY GOD. ASURA??
- After watching OH HELL YES I AM DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS, a couple of fans imagined what would happen if the duo started making references to Anime."I don't think we can get through this in One Piece."
"If I watch this thing any longer, I'm going to go Berserk!"
"If this guy was any more lifeless, we'd be hearing a Ghost in the Shell!"
"Hold on, he's put up annotations. Now we have to Read or Die!"
"Ah! My Goddess! This is awful!"
"After watching this, I may leave a Death Note behind."
"Man, I'm sick of this metal soundtrack; can't we put on some Cowboy Bebop?"
"I'm gonna need some Bleach for my eyes after watching that."
"I wish this Let's Player had been Spirited Away before making this video."
"How can you forget something this awful? Trigun."
"You know what, fuck this video. I'm gonna go get some gumbo, with extra Paprika."
"After making this, the developer became a Vagabond!"
"What kind of Monster made this?"
"This was so Narutarded."
"Gun-dam this was bad."
"This video sucks Dragon Balls."
"Now we'll see who's the real Shaman King."
"Who does he think he is? The Prince of Tennis?"
"Even Sherlock Hound can figure out why this LP is so bad..."
"Case Closed. This video is horrendous."
"Man, the guy who uploaded this is such a Bastard!!"
"This guy needs a good Fist of the North Star."
"This is less a Lets Play and more a Bizarre Adventure."
"This Let's Player ain't no Lucky Star, that's for sure."
"I think we may be running out of puns, to be completely Franken Fran with you."
"Just saying, High School Of The Dead sucks!"
- After Beef n Betus spend most of Move Over Unregistered Hypercam 2! making a few jokes about EZVid, the program the LPer used to record the gameplay, the product's official Youtube channel commented on the video, making a few jokes at their own expense.ezvidinc: If you are baked, Ezvid will automatically end your video at 4:20 minutes. As a safety precaution.
ezvidinc: This is the best Ezvid review ever.
- The Real Golden Gamer leaves response to the riff of his guest appearance in a Mario Kart LP, wherein he spends the video mocking Tingle, the host player.Golden Gamer: You'll all be happy to know that me and Mr. Tingle got a divorce.
- This comment from Retsufrash: Metroid Beginings [sic] :howdareyou66: No seriously, beam upgrades that do nothing, pointless first person pixel hunts, overt and unnecessary sexualisation of Samus, bizarre plot, game breaking bugs.
This game predicted Other M.
- After Ambition Babies features a plot thread about one kid posting a video online, someone made the obvious gimmick account, complete with a mostly in-character comment thread.
Of course! Duke was actually two children in a trench coat all along! It all makes sense now! Oh wait, no it doesn't. WTF?!
- Someone also comments on the bizarre reappearance of Duke and his twin Luke:
- A comment on how the Mortal Konversations part 3 video ended:Amatsu777: No Sonya! Don't hit them with your aunt's precious violin!
- A comment from Part 9 of Harvester that pokes fun at creepypastas:CrushedMGS: I'm a huge adventure game fan, so I was excited when I found an old copy of Harvester. The only strange thing was that the CD had "H4rv3st3r" written on it. When I booted it up, I didn't know what was going on. The Lodge wasn't a sinister temple, but some regular building where bored middle aged guys drank cocktails. Nobody talked about meat or chronic masturbation. The baby's eyes didn't pop out, and when Steve got a papercut, the blood wasn't hyperrealistic. I'm too scared to continue.
- A Youtube user named notEisiger took the song Combine Harvester from The Wurzels and sung to an instramental version, giving us A Messed Up Game Called Harvester. It sings about how messed up the game is and it is as awesome as it sounds. You can even sing along with the lyrics at the bottom of the video!
- In Tower of Horrible Voices, Slowbeef points out a comment by rafigirl123 criticizing Lijik's awful shtick. Some years later, on the Retsupurae video:rafigirl123: Two years later, and this is still the most proud I have ever been of anything I've done on the internet. God bless.
- The comments for WHO IS A POKEMON IN THIS CRAZY WORLD gives us this gem of a short exchange:PlasmaBossColress: What baffles me is that someone recorded this, rewatched it later, and said to himself, "YEAH, THIS IS TOP-QUALITY MATERIAL. I THINK I'LL UPLOAD THIS."
P.A. Master Gaming: You assume he rewatched it later. But no, he just fast forwarded through it. It was easier.
- From the comments for Sonic the Hedgehog - Horrifically Unfunny Edition:
- Mr. DJB comments on apparent fan-backlash to a comment he made during Mass Erect:Mr. DJB: Every time I guest on this channel I manage offend a particular group. First I riled up the dangan ronpa fans on tumblr by shittalking their dumb anime game. Then the neo-nazi holocaust deniers had a go at me over the Pokemon streams. Now with one glancing comment, I've pissed off a ton of guys who think I'm a social justice feminist whatever because I don't like rape hentai. Next time I'll breathe irregularly, because fuck asthmatics.
- Super Jeenius called out the man in the IndieNoGo: I will openly weep if it will help me buy a Vita capture card video:SuperJeenius: I bought the Vita capture card before the Vita TV came out, and it does do great work... but it's not $519. Assuming he already has his own Vita, it's only $219. What's the extra $300 for? Even if he didn't have a Vita it's only $414 for the bundle of system + card... $100+ is just for his wallet I suppose. All that being said, the fact that this was even a thing is staggering to me.
- Meanwhile, someone else points out some Fridge Logic:Alex Golembeski: So since only one guy donated $1 that means he automatically won that $25 gift card. Meaning the guy who made this video actually lost money on his Indiegogo campaign, which makes me happy.
- Meanwhile, someone else points out some Fridge Logic:
- Many comments in Where's My Family?Triela: this is my fav meet n' #faget ever and my hand is huge
Bloodrunsclear: So was this an 'escape the room' game, a horror game, or a dating sim?
Hellbent: Only one person i know writes like that. Xxx420blazeitfagetxxX47 is the killer!
natsfan1137: Maybe those kids are the murderer from that shitty flash you played last week.
- Even better is the callback to it in part 3 of the Quiet Falls retsufrash:
Cactusman129: no, then they would be calling dale a #faget, not a queer
- Story recaps in part 22 of the Sonic 06 wrongpurae:Felix Logographic: Recap of Silver's story so far:
Mephiles the Obviously Evil: Go back in time and kill Sonic!
Amy: No! Don't kill Sonic!
Blaze: Maybe we should go kill Sonic.
Shadow: Don't kill Sonic! Follow me!
Oakreef: Still better than Sonic's story which is: Elise is kidnapped, save her! Elise is kidnapped again, save her! Elise is kidnapped again, save her!
ProtonJon: ...I don't like to talk about my time in the ministry.
- From part 24, following a Running Gag about a priest NPC bearing a passing resemblance to a fellow LPer:
calvinjluther: 50 Shades of Fast
- Part 40 has possibly the greatest piece of fiction ever written.
Sonic waddled his way to Mrs. Rogue's house at the speed of light or sound, whichever one's faster.
"MRS. ROGUE!" he said. "DID YOU MURDERKILL PRINCESS ELISE?"
Mrs. Rogue, who was religiuos (because her house was covered in Davids stars and crosses and those Islam things, the moon and the star) said, "Oh my Buddha! Young freak, how dare thou throw such accusations at me! The only man I murdered was mine own husband!"
"KAY BYE!" said Sonic, who zoomed away. "I HAVE AN IDEA!" he said to no one in particular. "LET'S TALK TO MIKE! HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO!"
Sonic ran to his porch. Soon, Mike's moped went clicketyclacktack down the road, and Mike got off, removing his protective helmet like a cool guy and making sure to properly shut the motor off. He walked stiffly to the porch.
"Well, li'l buddy," Mike said, trying to affect something like a cool attitude, "looks like you're in a lot of trouble."
"IF I HAVE TIME TO HAVE TROUBLE," Sonic said, "I HAVE TIME TO RUN! WHICH IS ALWAYS!"
"Have you tried using that key—" Mike said.
"ON THE LOCKED MIRROR?" Sonic fairly exploded at the thought. "FUCK YES! LET'S DO THAT! THANKS MIKE, YOU'RE THE GREA—" but the universe wouldn't let Sonic finish that sentence, and Sonic choked to death, using up another life.
"—on my heart," Mike finished. He looked down at the ground, and pretended it was rain that was running down his face on this clear, sunny day.
"SOMEBODY CALL A WAAAAMBULANCE!" screeched Mama Ridley from inside the house.
slowbeef: Hey all, sorry about today's Sonic video.note There was a mix-up and I guess a pre-edited version was uploaded instead.
- A Twitter conversation related to the series:
Tyler James: No problem, Sega's developers did the same thing with that game.
- Lady Wanderer explains why Dahir Insaat is able to stay in business despite every video of theirs that has been shown on Retsupurae misses glaringly-obvious issues with the technology they're presenting.Dahir Insaat is a vision of a world where cheat codes exist.
DeathBed: NoClip through mattress to get supplies.
Artery drill: Godmode
Vertical Greenhouse: Toggle collission - float up to harvest crops.
Quadcopter: Physics off
Death Quadcopter: Turn enemy AI off
- If you thought Slowbeef asking about the point of the trucks was a big enough plot hole, behold this:
- Felix Logographic, already quoted above, seems to be pretty good at both funny comments and making/inspiring even funnier responses. From part 9 of RoomBreak:Felix Logographic: yes, stupid shit happened but the biggest plot twist is still that Agent Baby managed to tap that at any point in time
Nick Farmer: Breastfeeding?
Felix Logographic: well, if that's what you're into, more power to you
- One comment from The Abominable Snowjob series has someone mistaking Damehasclass for slowbeef's wife (even though their voices are completely different) and accusing beef of forcing his wife into Retsupurae projects. Other Retsupurae fans were quick to tear this guy a new asshole, including Damehasclass herself mockingly going along with his idiot mistake.
- In Part 2 of Ambition: Gaiden, a comment mocks the amount of Contrived Coincidences and characters stuffed with horrible excuses and actions.we should call the police"we can't i've got a criminal record"then at least leave everything be"we can't i've lied to my gf about being rich and now i'm penniless and a druglord's out for my head"can we please just drive away"we can't i don't have a driver's license and i'm actually a serial killer from the next state over, they'll catch me"jesus christ are you waiting for death's sweet embrace"i can't die i already pissed off god by sleeping with his wife and i still owe satan $50,000"
- In Retsupurae Kids! Mackey Mouse Pee Party With Golfy, commenter AceAttorny gives TieTuesday an affectionate Take That! for accidentally mixing up Mickey Mouse's laugh with another classic Disney character.
- Someone in Part 8 of Jack Orlando got fed up with the title character:[On Jack Orlando trying to clear his name]: I was going to comment on how I have no idea what's going on, but at this point I noticed that Jack's accumulated a laundry list of crimes:
I feel like there's a little bit of fraud in here
Possibly three counts of murder
Impersonation of an army official
Being the most obnoxious and stupid Wrongpurae protagonist up to this point
- A graphical glitch during the finale of "Hey You Missed, Tomodachi!"note causes a few commentators to engage in a discussion about how Stands would work in the Darkseed universe."My Stand, 「And the Law Won」 allows me to arrest you twice as hard!"
- The Busco Quadary nonstarter is a goldmine of these:Well damn, Moss fell on real hard times after The IT Crowd got cancelled.There are 10 kinds of people in this world, and this dude is both of them.You mean my laptop could hold twice as much cum?!