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"Well, hello there."

Episode 1: Prologue

  • The beginning of the episode is full of funny moments during the new girl's tour. Highlights include,
    • The man in charge threating any slights against him with 'dog shit in your pillowcase'.
    • Him telling the newbie to never turn off her radio, only for someone else to immediately say they couldn't find him, because his radio was turned off.
    • The girl mentioning she's studying to be a botanist, which the other guy responds with, "I've never been much into robots, being from the South and all."
  • Dylan gets into a secure military facility by using 'confusing acronyms', which start out sounding official, but end up devolving into well known ones such as AOL and FUBAR.
  • Near the end when the cameraman, who has remained silent the whole time, is questioned, Dylan responds he's French and speaks no English. Cameraman's response? "Oui."
  • Dylan's Leaning on the Fourth Wall debate with Carlos about how people are getting bored with the Reds and Blues, and that Dylan should do a story on "those monster-fighting sexy teenagers". It sounds like a typical argument between two fans. Made even better by how many viewers instead took it as a reference to the recently released Power Rangers film.
    • Dylan's caller ID apparently has her supervisor Carlos listed as "Grouchy McBossypants".
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    • Dylan asks Carlos for two weeks to write a story on the Reds and Blues. This is what follows:
      Carlos: You want two? You got one. You want rope?
      Dylan: You'll give me enough to hang myself with. Thanks a million, honey bucket.note 

Episode 2: The Chronicle

Episode 3: The Mother of Destruction

Episode 4: Chorus Lessons

  • Andersmith's Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness now that he's a cop, which is getting on Bitters' last nerve. When Bitters tells Andersmith he doesn't even sound like a cop, Andersmith insists he's going by the book:
    Bitters: What book?
    Andersmith: Law & Order. Dun dun.
    Bitters: Ugh gross. CSI: Miami for life.
  • A major factor in Jax continuing to help Dylan now that they're going rogue? Once he gets back home, his student loans kick in.
  • Dylan finally reaching the Reds and Blues is played as a Shout-Out to the end of The Force Awakens, with Caboose standing in for Luke. And then he's freaked out to see Dylan behind him and falls over the cliff.
    Dylan: ...Fuck.

Episode 5: Previously On

  • When Dylan tries telling the other Reds and Blues about Caboose falling off a cliff, she finds everyone's a little... distracted. Sarge is driving his jeep off of cliffs, Grif and Tucker are arguing over band names, and Simmons is running around babbling.
    Dylan: Listen, everyone! I have no idea what the fuck you're all doing, but you need to know your man Caboose is terribly injured and possibly dead!
    Caboose: (Off-Screen) Oh no! Not Caboose! (Camera pans to show he's right next to Dylan) We need to go rescue him!
    Dylan: You— you're okay?
    Caboose: Oh, yeah. You know, I fell down and stuff, but, you know, I landed on my head and that's okay because that's the part that's most used to it. So, yeah, I'm fine, things are good now. I'm gonna go lie down now.
  • Donut is naked half of the episode. Thankfully, he's off-screen until he puts his armor back on.
  • The entire episode is essentially a recap of all the hilarious shit the Blood Gulch Crew went through after having saved Chorus. To wit:
    • After capturing Hargrove, Tucker activated the Temple of Procreation to celebrate. Apparently, Grif and Simmons were trapped in a closet together during that time. Furthermore, they both refuse to talk about before refusing to meet each other's eyes. During the whole time, the only one who didn't feel different was Tucker. Wash wasn't surprised.
      • The video comments also point out the unmentioned hilarity of sex crazed Carolina and Caboose.
    • Sarge was hopelessly depressed after not having died heroically on Chorus (he definitely did not say so verbatim), and started looking for a new enemy.
    • Carolina had a difficult time getting used to inaction, so she tried to get help from Grif in a Shout-Out to The Empire Strikes Back.
    • They found out that their new island was home to dinosaurs. While they debated on whether being eaten by dinosaurs was ironic, Caboose managed to make friends with them. "Because of course he did."
    • Donut accidentally burned down their new bases with his vanilla-scented candles.
    • Due to having lost nearly all of their food, Grif started looking for native plants to eat. The mushrooms he found were essentially, as described by Simmons, "crystal meth on crystal meth".
    • Simmons spent his summer learning Esperanto, a dead language, thinking that it was Spanish for "Spanish".
    • Freckles has a new body! Except it's a literal toy. Freckles' voice is appropriately high pitched and he occasionally goes on "rampages" where the only "casualty" is Caboose playing dead.
    • After selling their movie rights, they built the galaxy's greatest water park. Wash joined in with the others as they jumped in happiness while Carolina simply gave a deadpan "Yay." And Donut later burned it down, much to Grif's great dismay and confusion.
      • What makes it even better is Donut's following explanation:
      Donut: One, lube isn't normally flammable! And B, I didn't burn down the whole water park, just the park part!
    • Tucker, Caboose and Grif tried to form a band, but couldn't agree on a band name (all of which were punny versions of real-world bands with "blue" or "red" thrown in). Carolina tried to join in. Apparently, she's a terrible singer, though no one dares tell her out of fear.
      Grif: Can you sing, though?
      Carolina: [with dramatic closeup] Can I sing?
      [Back to the present]
      Tucker: [unenthused] Carolina sings... so good.
      Carolina: [pleased] Thank you!
      Simmons: [laughs nervously] Oh, and we're definitely not just saying that 'cause she could kill us!
      Grif: [pained] So... good!
    • Sarge tried to build his own enemy and made a robot army, but it malfunctioned and attacked the dinosaurs. Wash says it was the greatest thing he ever saw.
    • Grif convinced Simmons that Game of Thrones really happened.
      Simmons: That's...awesome! Man, I'm gonna go visit!
    • Desperately in search of a new enemy, Sarge tried to take the fight to gravity itself. It resulted in the Reds losing their jeep after Sarge drove it over a ledge.
      Sarge: Suck it, Newton!
    • They tried to put in place a new form of government. Proposals included: Anarchynote , monarchy-through-swordnote , military dictatorshipnote , matriarchynote  and malarkeynote . When Simmons tried to explain that Malarkey wasn't a form of government, but a term for meaningless talk and nonsense, he trailed off as everyone realized that summed up the Blood Gulch Crew just fine.
    • Caboose somehow ended up in the Upside-Down from Stranger Things. The gang tried to communicate with him through the same alphabet-and-Christmas-lights method... but since it's Caboose, it didn't really work.
      Washington: "Neat." He just keeps saying "Neat."
    • After finding Donut apparently dead, Grif, Simmons and Tucker buried him in an unmarked shallow grave. Except he wasn't dead, and was just skinny dipping not far away. Everyone reacted to seeing Donut naked the same way they reacted to killer dinosaurs.
    • invoked "Wash. Grew. A beard." Carolina (and quite a few commenters) makes it sound like the greatest thing ever, while Wash just thought it was itchy. And we, the audience, of course can't see any difference because of the 24-Hour Armor. This also shows that Carolina has finally succumbed and become just as crazy as the rest of them. Doubles as heartwarming.
    • That very morning, Grif spiked Simmons' food with his "meth-meth shrooms" For the Lulz.
  • The punchline to all of the above is great too. Dylan asks Jax if he got all of that. He assures her that he did, and only then does he start recording.
  • Grif's reaction to the message from Church, knowing that this is the start of another adventure:
    "God fucking dammit."
    • Though it's considerably less funny after it becomes one of the main reasons he temporarily leaves the Blood Gulch Crew in the following episode.

Episode 6: Reacts

Episode 7: Nightmare on Planet Evil

  • Caboose at one point had a Bop-It. He bopped it against a rock and now it's "sleeping". In teeny tiny pieces.
  • Sarge has gone without sleep for about five days, a reference to another Rooster Teeth production. Jax calls the premise of "sleep is death" weak. Becomes even funnier if you know that Burnie was the one who came up with the premise.
  • Jax attempting to scare Tucker by running around the abandoned city - which is depicted as "Deadite cam." Tucker casually trips him and knocks him unconscious - which Jax describes as "Groovy."
  • While Caboose and Simmons' talk about death is initially pretty sad, it does give us this golden line from Caboose after Simmons claims that ghosts and resurrection are scientifically impossible:
    Caboose: Here's your science, Simmons - Dead friend plus love equals Church!
    Simmons: (confused) I...guess that's...math?
  • We cut to the FOTUS Soldier standing over what appears to be the dead bodies of Sarge, Simmons, and Caboose after getting a distressing call from Caboose, and you assume the worst. Turns out Sarge had finally passed out from lack of sleep, Simmons saw a snake (a small one at that) and fainted, and Caboose got scared and decided to play dead ("Is the bad man gone yet?"). Our heroes, everybody!
  • Y'know that ultra-scary soldier the reporters met in Episode 3? The guy who's looking for Tucker? He's actually just a Chorusan civil servant named Spencer Porkensenson. What he was really trying to do is serve Tucker a class action suit for child-support payments. Turns out activating the Temple of Procreation on Chorus resulted in a lot of illegitimate kids that Tucker's the father of. Tucker appropriately seems very upset, giving off a Big "NO!" afterwards. At the episode's end, he's just lying around the ship, no longer enthused about finding Church.
  • After the FOTUS Soldier leaves, Jax reveals that he edited some clips to make an title sequence for himnote ;
    Jax: So, constructive feedback! I'm thinking of pitching this to the network when he get back!
    Dylan: How did you get him [the FOTUS Soldier] to sign a release form?
    Jax: ...A what-now?

Episode 8: A Fistful of Colors

  • Turns out the impostors are more sim Troopers, who are a Similar Squad to the Reds and Blues, and at least as quirky as they are, if not more.
    • A particular highlight is when Surge and Sarge debate who's in charge (Turns out Surge is also a Colonel, somehow.) and settle it with Rock Paper Scissors (Or as they call it, "Procedure".
    • Simmons's equivalent is named Gene
    • Moreso, Caboose's equivalent is named Loconote , Tucker's is named Buckynote , Donut's is Cronutnote , and Lopez's is called Lorenzonote .
    • Caboose interacting with Loco is hilarious in that they practically share the same mind.
    • Additionally, both Simmons and Gene agree that "err" is a real word, with Tucker and Bucky both insisting that it's not at the exact same time.
  • After the Reds and Blues and the Blues and Reds have collectively taken down the fighter crafts sent by the UNSC, Surge reports that Lopez and Lorenzo were dismembered during the fight, with the two robots once again reduced to heads.

Episode 9: Rigged

  • Dylan's attempt to interview Sarge fails horribly, partially because of Sarge's own ridiculous paranoia but also because he spills that Temple told him to find out what she knew in a screw up of an I Know You Know I Know moment.
  • Tucker getting annoyed by the Similar Squad routine. When he tries to angrily storm off, he ends up mistaking Gene for Simmons, and when corrected, grumbles, "Just help me with my dramatic exit." He also complains that having Gene and Simmons close by means that "I have to hear this shit in stereo now!"
  • Loco turns out to be a serious Genius Ditz with engineering, and gives a stream of incomprehensible Technobabble that confuses even Simmons.
  • Donut and Cronut's innuendo-laden conversation about Russian novelists and philosophers.
  • Doc is back...and he immediately makes a hurricane of analogies about how superior the Blues and Reds are to the Reds and Blues. Donut even joins in. Jax also compares the Blood Gulch Crew to Turkish Spider-Man
    Doc: They are the ding-dongs, and you are the dildos!

Episode 10: Battlescars

  • Wash comes up with a plan to lure the people killing Freelancers into a trap by activating Carolina's recovery beacon. How does he express this to her? By telling her to take off her armor. Seeing as how this came after a tender moment, Carolina is appropriately shocked. Even better, after his explanation, Carolina agrees to remove her armor. But Wash continues to stare at her forcing her to make him turn around.
  • When the Blues and Reds shows up with the Blood Gulch Crew, Wash describes it as the worst possible that could happen, beating the likes of mercs and space pirates.
  • Wash's idea of what the doubles mean is that Sarge created robotic duplicates of themselves. Carolina sounds exasperated when she wants to know what's going on.
  • Remember how Carolina had a horrible singing voice and the guys were too afraid to tell her? Turns out she's well aware, she just liked watching them squirm. When she admits it, Wash jokingly tells her that she is really evil.
  • Apparently ever since the Reds and Blues have joined the Blues and Reds in their underwater lair-- er, base, they've been having fish for every meal. The Blood Gulch Crew are understandably fed up.

Episode 11: Belly of the Beast

  • When Dylan's hiding spot is nearly found by Temple and Loco, she leaves a small green spartan teddy. Loco asks Temple if he should arrest it.
  • The Blues and Reds distracted Tucker by having him play Halo Wars, claiming that it's a military simulator. When Dylan tells him it's a video game, he simply says that it explains all the micro-transactions.
  • Part of the reason Tucker doesn't suspect the many locked doors is because he thinks people could steal his possessions, or walk into his "masturbatorium".
  • Everything about Sarge's "audition", which eventually degrades (even further) from a bunch of random action movie dialouge to him shouting random movie titles... Including Lazer Team 2, which Jax dosen't think is real.
  • The files on Temple's computer include a folder named "Buckey PRIVATE", and his most recent internet hits include "metafores", "Shakesphere monologues", "evil lairs for dummies" and "How to villain".

Episode 12: Blue vs. Red

  • When Gene and Cronut run out of ammo, they resort to taunting to defeat the enemy. They're not very good at it.
    Gene: You suck! You're- bad at math!
    Cronut: You have table manners that leave much to be desired!
    Gene: You smell like maybe you forgot to wear deodorant today!
    Cronut: Your mother's lasagna is mediocre!
  • Temple and his men capture Lorenzo, his threat attempts keep coming off as unintentionally racist such as threatening to stomp the Goomba, you know like Mario.
  • Temple and Biff discussing what place to shoot Biff so he can leave with a medical discharge.
    Biff: The butt? Are you insane? That's right next to my jingo jangos, okay? Bullets splinter.
    Temple: How about the arm?
    Biff: Arteries.
    Temple: Ooh, the ear.
    Biff: "What? Yeah, I can't hear you because some idiot shot my ear off." No way! *grr* There's got to be some part of the body that's expendable.
    Temple: You just need to get shot in the appendix.
    Biff: If only I was a book.

Episode 13: Blue vs. Red - Part 2

  • When told she's going on a mission with the simulation troopers, Carolina vehemently insists she would never be on a mission with those simulation idiots.
  • When she gets to Blue Base, Carolina finds that to keep the Reds from finding their flag, the Blue Team buried it, then lost the map. Since they need both flags to win the "war", Loco made a new flag from a stick and blue briefs.
  • The Blues and Reds watch the fight between Tex and Carolina they decide to put their own soundtrack to it. Things like high action music, Bruce Springsteen, and a Harry Potter audio book of all things.
  • There's also the fact that when the fight begins, the background music shuts off. And we mean completely. Then, this exchange happens while the Blues and Reds watch the fight:
    Biff: Holy mother of awesome. Look at them.
    Buckey: Yo, Reds! Are we still fighting, or- oh, holy shit!
    Surge: All right, men, new plan! Let those two pummel each other to death!
    Temple: The only thing that would make this better is some music!
    Biff: Oh! I got it. I just upgraded the base's sound system. Okay, Shelly, play "Action Mix"!
    • Even better, their change in soundtrack actually affects the fight, with the two combatants noticeably changing speed and fighting style to fit the soundtrack to the point where Carolina tells them to cut it out. Then Loco has the base play his Harry Potter audiobook.

Episode 14: True Colors

Episode 15: Objects in Space

  • Episode 15's opening scene is a massive spoof of the opening stinger to Star Trek: The Next Generation, with Lopez starring as both the narrator and the ship in question.
    Lopez: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Lopez. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out life and new civilizations, to boldly go... where no robot has gone before.
    Starring LOPEZ THE HEAVY as Lopez La Pesado
  • Immediately after that, Lopez is caught in a bright light and pulled into a ship. He asks what happened and who's there. Locus then deactivates his camo right next to him. Lopez's response?
    Lopez: Ayuda.
  • Grif has gone full Cast Away, painting several balls with the helmets of the Reds and Blues and doing impressions of them to play out their typical drama. He even taught himself Spanish for Lopez's lines, which comes in handy when Locus arrives with Lopez.
    • Special mention goes to Grif's lines for Caboose, which almost sound even more ridiculous than what he would actually say.
      Grif!Caboose: He's dead! My best friend is dead! Purple pineapple random nonsense bahahgaghahah...
      Grif!Caboose: It's too late, it's over. I'm sad now and forever. There's nothing you can do about it, kangaroo banana kangaroo, my heart's in a pouch!
  • Granted, it doubles as Nightmare Fuel somewhat, but Locus makes his presence known by saying point blank what Grif currently is.
    Grif: (to the volleyballs) Shut up, and listen to me! Everyone, I am so, so...
    Locus: Completely insane. (Grif turns to look at a newly parked spaceship... whereupon Locus deactivates his camo) I would know.
  • Part of realizing Locus is real involves Grif grabbing him by the helmet. The fact that it's Locus on the receiving end makes it even more hilarious.
  • Later when he's trying to prove he's not crazy, he turns around to ask the Doc volleyball, only to find it's gone.
    Grif: Well, that's Doc for you, am I right?
  • When mentioning how long he's been alone, Grif spouts out various measurements... including "fifteen seasons".
  • Grif's incessant chatter once he finally has someone to talk to. You can tell Locus is finding the situation rather trying.
    Grif: Cool ship, by the way. I bet that's an awesome side story. Does it have a name? How about the Locus Pocus?
    Grif: Do you have any brothers and sisters? Did you kill any of your brothers and sisters?
    Grif: I thought I was going to go crazy for a while there, but I'm sane as a fiddle. (in a completely serious voice) How many people have you killed? (back to chipper) Where did you grow up?
    • As the fandom has noticed, Locus has gone from having a guy in orange who talked too much as his partner to having to partner up with... another guy in orange who talks too much. Poor guy just can't catch a break, can he?

Episode 16: Grif Does a Rescue

  • Grif infiltrating the Blues and Reds' base Metal Gear style! Highlights include:
    • Quoting "This is Snake to Big Boss. No sign of surveillance" (unaware that he's already been spotted on the security monitors).
    • The Exclamation Point hovering over Grif's head as he spots a plate of fish.
    • Him attempting to crawl through the ventilation shaft, only to get stuck with only his legs sticking out and kicking like he's Winnie-the-Pooh.
  • Even though it was a cruel trick on the part of Temple, hearing Church send a distress signal about Caboose and Tucker blowing up an overflowing toilet was funny while it lasted.
    • And while the rest of the scene is heartbreaking, there's something amusing about Caboose managing to send Temple into a minor Villainous Breakdown just from his continued inability to accept that Church is dead, robbing Temple of any potential satisfaction over it.
  • At the end of the episode, we see a still-frozen Wash and Carolina, complaining for all the right reasons - respectively, Wash not being able to scratch his nose and Carolina being stuck in a "yoga pose".
    • Even better when you remember that a different Freelancer apparently ended up frozen mid-attack... which left him standing on one foot. Wash and Carolina probably got off easy compared to him.

Episode 17: Quicksave

Episode 18: Desolation

  • The reunion between the Reds and Blues and Vic.
    Dylan: Promise you won't kill me. Or him.
  • Vic's description of the new UNSC headquarters' defenses.
    Vic: Oh, this place is decked down like you wouldn't believe! Half a dozen checkpoints, shields, a battalion of troops stationed there, an entire fleet in orbit on the overhead! And... two hot tubs.
  • How they figure out Temple's plan: they try thinking like "idiots" (a.k.a. the Blues and Reds). Cue everyone looking at Sarge and Caboose.
    Sarge: Why is everybody looking over here?

Episode 19: Red vs. Red

Episode 20: Blue vs Blue

Episode 21: Epilogues


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