Shows With Their Own Pages
Mr. Plinkett Reviews
- From the Star Trek: Nemesis review: "Now I'll tell you what really bothers me: It's dem green plastic drum cymbals!! Why do they have to have 'space' cymbals?" and so on.
- *slurred* "Riker even played a fucking trumpet!" (Note: in the clip he shows, Riker is actually playing a trombone)
- "That's ok, I'm a coward too"
- Plinkett's way of cutting through the Lucas Romantic Plot Tumor bullshit. Such as when Padma asks Anakin if Jedi are allowed to love, Plinkett lays this hilarious line:Plinkett: So Padme does a little feeler to see if Anakin and her can fuck in the bathroom.
- "Having a creepy Skeletor hand."
- "Before we start,mark h let's recap a little on the whole prequel thing and how it ruined six years of everyone's lives. Even starving African children in Cambodia." Let that sink in. Starving African children in Cambodia (which is next to Vietnam).
- "Star Wars Episode I is the most disappointing thing since my son."
- "SHE LIED TO ME."
- "Sometimes a cigar is just a giant vagina in the desert that swallows men whole"
- "OH MY GOD! What's wrong with your faaaace?!"
- The progression of relationship advice that Plinkett gives during Anakin and Padme's courtship. Some of it's actually not bad... but it escalates rather quickly when Anakin starts doing things like "Supporting Fascism," "Killing Women and Children," "Bringing a Corpse Home," and "Going on a Psychotic Megalomaniacal Rant."
- Mr Plinkett: [on Star Trek: First Contact] Heck, I would have taken any 2-parter TNG episode over this piece of shit. [shows image of Armus from "0]".
- Fifty nine minutes!
- TIME TO GO IN THE REFRIGERATOOOOOOOORRRRRR
- George Lucas Ruins the Lightsaber and the Force All In One Scene (from Attack of the Clones)
- "But when you establish a multi-racial Jedi Order that all use the same universal weapon it becomes impractical! Each Jedi should really have their own unique weapon suited for them personally."
- "For example, that one guy that looks like a squid. Y'know, with all dem tentacles swingin' about? A lightsaber could really pose serious injury to his head. Be CAREEE-FUULLLL!"
- "Or that guy in the background with the really tall, thin, neck. I know what I'd swing at if I were fightin' him!"
- "Or what about this clumsy, fat asshole? What if he just happened to be a Jedi? His big, fat hands and his slow, lumbering ass would fucking get killed by Darth Maul!" (Even funnier since Dark Jedi Pong Krell, who's the same species as Dexter Jettser, is an incredibly proficient fighter.)
- "But when you establish a multi-racial Jedi Order that all use the same universal weapon it becomes impractical! Each Jedi should really have their own unique weapon suited for them personally."
- Attack of the Clones: What does a woman look for in a relationship?"He needs to be family oriented and good with kids."
(cut to the children Anakin killed in Revenge of the Sith)
- From the Star Trek (2009) review: LET'S BREAK IT DOOOOWWN: (accompanied by pictures of MC Hammer) "Ohh, ohhh, I got my parachute pants on, oohhh, ohh-ohhh, I got my cat pregnant-"
- "ThE bESt PArt of waAAkING UP, is ACiD in YoUR CUuu...."
- "If I wanted a message I would go listen to my answering machine"Answering Machine: Hi Mr. Plinkett, Bob Foster here from the Department of Cultural Guilt, uh, just a friendly courtesy call to remind you about the horrible things that you did to the Native Americans. Uh, please continue to feel guilty about this, and, uh, if you have any questions, give me a call back, the number's 202-(Plinkett proceeds to pour coffee on the answering machine, shorting it out)
- Even better, it later cuts back to him smashing the machine with a hammer.
- "GET OUUUT!!!! GET OUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
- "GET OUTTA MY POPCORN TUUUB!!! WRAAAaaaAAAaaAARRR!!!!"
- Essentially every time Plinkett raises (and reverbs) his voice is memorable for...various reasons...
- [Referring to the TF Blockade from The Phantom Menace] "You see, we once set up a Naval Blockade around Cuba, to stop the Russians from setting up missile launchers there. It was a little event you might have heard of. It wasn't a big deal, you know, but you might have heard of it, it was called WORLD WAR I. Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right."
- [showing picture of an overweight cat] "Hey anyone wanna help me milk my cat? 's time to make breakfassht..."
- "My cat ain't gonna milk itself!"
- "At last! We get to the big dumb ending, where we see the excitement and the passion... that thousands of computer animators have for getting paychecks!"
- "And don't say it was the Will of the Force, unless you don't want me to send you a Pizza Roll... aaan' whennnI sennit to you, 'm gonna shovvit up yer ass..." [shows image of Kit Fisto]
- When the hooker he kidnaps in his Episode II review winds up falling for him after he forces her to sit through the movie and she realizes how bad it is.
- The "That's what he said!" Running Gag in the Episode II review.
- When a Laugh Track plays during the scene where Jar Jar is pressured into giving Palpatine emergency powers in the Episode II review.
- Mr. Plinkett imagining what Padme must be thinking when Anakin is complaining about Obi Wan:
- HOLY SHIT! This guy is a fucking annoying whiner! I really cant see myself with him. If hes bitching about THIS, imagine how hell act when I want him to go see Wicked with me.
- "Shinzon had a passing interest in Troi 'cos she had a vagina, and he probably never did it with a chick. Uh, maybe he fucked a Reman in the ass... [shows image of a Reman grimacing]
- "Aw, he's accidentally flying the spaceship, how cute! I hope he fucking dies."
- (dragging woman by the ankle) GEDDIN MY LIVING ROOM!!"
- (deleted scene: Still dragging woman) CoME WIth mEEE aND yoU'll BEe in A woRLd of PUrE imagiATiOn!!"
- Fuck the Pain Away...
- Plinkett's phone call.
- Him slowly going insane at the end of the Baby's Day Out review."My cat stole my merkins!"
"You want to help me milk my cock?" (picture of a rooster)
"Maybe they're trying to make a statement about the Gerber corporation and their anti-Union practices!"
"They don't tell jokes in the circus!"
"Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) x5
- Plinkett's description of what should've happened in the scene where a gorilla throws Joe Mantegna, especially when he gets to the part involving decapitation and hungry chimpanzees.
- "What could've been the greatest lesbian sex scene ever in a children's movie":"Servant sex is just something I'm into now..."
- (A comparative picture of Guinan and baby Bink in his photo outfit) WHAT?!!!
- Star Wars: Attack of the Clones is the worst thing ever made by a human. Except for the bagpipes...
- (on Anakin and Padme's 'love story')
- A more subtle example is in the Phantom Menace review; he talks about how the hero arc works, and how the hero often gets the girl at the end as icing on the cake, and he plays several such scenes from various movies together as an example...including Willy Wonka hugging Charlie Bucket.
- OH NO the timeline changed and Bambi's alive again except now she's my first cat!
- After listing practically everything that happens in the new Star Trek movie. "I think I need to go see a therapist after this..." *clip of Deanna Troi* "NO NOT HER--!"
- Spock saying "Go to hell."
- In response to Qui-Gon Jinn's plan for him and Obi-Wan to stow aboard separate Trade Federation ships:"Is this guy a fuckin' retard? Maybe that's why they call him Qui-Gon Jinn...'cuz he's always drinkin' gin.
- "So meanwhile Qui-Gon Booze and Obi-Wan are in the underwater city..."
- "So they free the Naboo air force and then they get on a silver jet-thing to run through the blockade, which again I remind you the point of a blockade is to stop ships from getting through. So Qui-Gon Jinn could've very easily gotten everyone killed. Does anyone smell gin? Hey! It's eleven-thirty in the morning, who's been drinking?!"
- "The two most effective, clear-minded logical guys stay on the ship and wait while the clumsy idiot, the slow-moving droid, a vulnerable, attractive young woman, and a drunk go wandering around a dangerous city."
- "Zoe Saldana's there for one obvious reason... (Shows footage of Uhura undressing) She's entirely believable as a Xenolinguistics expert."
- This is what they call filler, and its nowhere near as good as the filler they put in Twinkies... Mmmmmm... I like to fuck my cat. (cut to Plinkett fucking his cat)
- (clip of Anakin kneeling before Palpatine) "And so Anakin kneels before Monster Mash, and pledges his loyalty to the graveyard smash."
- Plinkett referring to Palpatine as "Monster Mash" for the entirety of his Episode IV commentary is also sure to make you snicker.
- "So anyway, he [Palpatine] tells the Senate that the Jedi - an organization of monks who have been the guardians of peace and justice for over a thousand generations - have suddenly decided to take over the world. Oh, and I also happen to look and sound like a monster who wants to take over the world. Don't mind my creepy black cloak, my horribly evil-sounding voice or my terrifying face. Also don't mind the fact that I'm yelling about creating a galactic empire run exclusively by me. No no, you see its the Jedi who are the ones that tried to take over. That warranted them all being executed by the army that I control by myself without any kind of trial in the courts to prove what I'm saying is true. And then we burned down their temple, and you're all just gonna have to take my word for it. Trust me, look at my face. Would this face lie to you?'"
- "With these fucking Star Wars prequels, I'm always forced to go back to Screenwriting 101, and a big four-letter word that comes to mind: FUCK. No, I'm just kidding. The word is CRAP. No, I'm just kidding. The word is SHIT. I'm just kidding. The word is PISS. I'm just kidding. The word is POOP. I'm just kidding. The word is GARBAGE. Naw, I'm just kidding, the word is TONE!"
- Plinkett melting a Star Wars Episode I VHS tape in the oven and urinating on it.
- "I dunno, now I guess hes Darth Vader, and since Darth Vader technically appeared in this film for 10 seconds we can put him on cereal boxes, cartoons, candy boxes, posters, and whatever."
- "So Yoda gives up, Obi-Wan gives up, and then so does Vader."
- "He [Vader] is not even gonna look into the whole Padme thing and what happened to her. He's just gonna trust Monster Mash, who just got away with lying to the whole universe."
- George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood. Fucking polio did.
- Mr. Plinkett freaking out about the similarities between the prequels and the original Star Wars films.
- "After all, these are just simple movies made for kids and not adults at all, which is why they have: Assassination attempts. Sexual innuendo. Decapitations. Kidnap, torture, and suggested rape. Hookers. Boring political dialogue. Forced amputations. Drug-dealing. Mass murder." (cut to sounds of screaming) "Don't try to escape like the other one!"
- The trailers. Just...the trailers:
- "GET YER FINGER OUT OF MY ASS WALLET!"
- "The Urban Market stole my TV once, so I know they like movies."
- "They don't call him "Kit Fisto" because he's into chicks, if you know what I mean."
- His attempt to save time on Cop Dog. Bonus points for realizing it was a bad idea, not because he was completely incomprehensible, but because he forgot to mention a few films. He then tries again only to continue as normal.
- "Who was his trainer, Mike Vick? Did you get the joke?"
- Fuck Off, Ghost!
- "So instead of getting her metrosexual son a haircut and slapping him across the face..."
- This is worse than Star Trek: Nemesis.
- His ill-fated Kodak promo."What?! After fucking ten years, that's all I saved?! YOU PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP!"
- He then proceeds to total the Kodak while shouting with his...unique voice.
- The random guy in the background who picks apart Picard's plan to puncture the plasma coolant tanks.Random Guy: Oh, puncture it. Okaaay... but it seems like it's highly pressurized...
(Data gets sprayed with flesh-melting gas)
Random Guy: Oh my God...!
- Cleaning up cat shit to the tune of La Danse Macabre.
- Re-releasing the Phantom Menace review in 3D with added special effects.
- The entire commentary for Episode 1. Plinkett rambles about the movie, his cats, his life, laundry, Bambi, and so much more, getting interrupted by his cats, Gold Shirt Guy, and Not-Darth-Sidious. It's amazing.
- After ranting about how if he were in the movie he'd consider Padme "expendable," thinking that she was just a handmaiden who "does the Queen's laundry," Plinkett goes off on this tangent:"When I was 58 I learned how to do my own laundry. They say the clothes make the man. You know what else they say? 'Indonesians make the clothes.' Both statements are kinda true statements. But I really like doin' laundry "
- Plinkett urging people to "occupy George Lucas's front lawn" because he's one of the 1%.
- Plinkett giving the people he presumes are listening to his commentary while sitting in a theater watching Episode 1 in 3D instructions to do things like raise their hand or talk to the person next to them.
- "Get off that, Mr. Tiny, that ain't a lover!"
- After ranting about how if he were in the movie he'd consider Padme "expendable," thinking that she was just a handmaiden who "does the Queen's laundry," Plinkett goes off on this tangent:
- How bad could [Episode III] really be? (picture of Darth Vader's infamous scene) Oh...
- [On reviews praising Revenge of the Sith for being Darker and Edgier] MY STOOL IS DARK! And doctor says that's bad! ...I dunno why he thinks he knows so much about interior decorating though (Rim Shot)
- An update starts with Jay and Mike talking about merchandise... and then this happens:Plinkett: Enough of this sell-out crap! When's the next Plinkett review-oh wait I'm me.
- From the Titanic (1997) review:
- "I gotta go, my cat's fucking my fleshlight".
- The close ups of Jack Dawson's sketchbook. Lots of crudely drawn naked women.
- "Sinatra, you fuck! You bought your rug at Gillman's Discount Wigs in Joisey! You cheapskate! I know it because I sold it to you!!"
- "When the Titanic was built, it was the largest moving object ever created by man. Other than president Taft."
- So who actually sank the Titanic? It was Plinkett, at the urging of his imaginary friend, Tony the pizza-roll. Then a UFO came and blasted the ship in half.
- "Let's move on to Catherine Zeta-Jones' character, Isabella. She's a lady that's a little disillusioned by show of high society, kinda like Kate Winslet. She's in kind of a boring, loveless marriage back home in the states, but she hooks back up with someone she used to be in love with. Someone who she's not supposed to be with, and that excites her vajins. And that excites her vajinoo. And I think that excited her vajo. And that excites her vajini. Vageeni. Vajona."
- "Kate Winslet was also disillusioned by the socialite crowd and lifestyle, and chose the allure of forbidden love. She was supposed to marry Cliff, so the idea of running off with Jack also excited her vajo. So the idea of running off with Jack also excited her vagon. Vageenzo. Valgo. Vagoogoo. Vajala. Vagoona. Squishbox."
- From one of his very first reviews (the Star Trek: Insurrection one), the very first line (delivered in his typical, completely deadpan style):Plinkett: Star Trek: Insurrection sucks my balls.
- The inexplicable shot of Worf farting about twenty seconds in.
- His comment on the boring costume design: "Ain't no one winning an Oscar for the JCPenney spring fashion look!"Plinkett: (in an exaggeratedly effeminate voice) Earth tones, people! Everyone wears earth tones! Browns and beige! And mother of pearl! And browns and beiges and dark browns and light browns and browns and beige! Browns and beiges and dark browns and light browns and browns and beige! Everyone's gonna be wearing earth tones 'cause they live on a planet.
- "Darth Vader should never say the word Padme, or Snuffleupagus."
- He then builds up to talking about the infamous Big "NO!" by saying that the funniest thing in the movie happens. He describes everything in the scene until it gets to the point where Vader is about to give his Big "NO!"...and then cuts to Yoda and Obi-Wan talking and says that the funniest thing is "Yoda tells Obi-Wan to talk to Qui-Gon's ghost!"
- "The entire Senate is filled with stupid idiots". *cuts to picture of the United States Senate* "Yeah, okay that's true".
- "Obi-Wan Kenobi is a stupid asshole idiot head."
- During the analysis of The Force Awakens teaser, Palpy wonders if he'll be in Star Wars Rebels. Plinkett doesn't care.Palpy: I think that takes place between Episode... whatwoulditbe... 3... and 6... I don't even know anymore. I can't keep track of this fucking shit.
Plinkett: I don't know if you're in the fucking cartoon show. I don't watch cartoons!
- Reviewing the Trade Federation's invasion of Naboo during the Phantom MenaceSio Bibble: Communications disruption can only mean one thing, invasion.
Plinkett: It could also mean you didn't pay your phone bill!
- Plinkett accidentally admitting to masturbating to Olsen Twins movies alongside the Indiana Jones, Star Wars and Star Trek series, followed by a ludicrous scene where he ejaculates large quantities of semen at a television showing one such Olsen Twins movie* ...and couldn't stop.
- Pointing out all the Plot Holes in General Grievous's assassination and cutting to a confused-looking Yoda every time he says "I'm so confused."
- The teaser for the Plinkett review of The Force Awakens.Plinkett: (pointing at Leia on the The Force Awakens poster) I recognize Chewbacca anywhere! Oh, wait, there's Chewbacca!
Plinkett: (on BB-8) What is that, R2-D2 got a beer belly?!
- In the review of The Force Awakens.
- "Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens is the most disappointing thing since my son...'s court-appointed lawyer Larry Gruber."
- Mr. Plinkett is taking solace in the fact that he's too old to have to live through much of a Star Wars cinematic universe, and that he'll soon be dead and comfortably happy in Hell, where he won't have to watch any more Star Wars films... until a screen is dragged in front of him saying, "Episode DCLXVI — ENDLESS LIGHTSABERS".Mr. Plinkett: Oh, no! OH, NO!!!! (screams)
- Rich Evans appears for the second time in a Plinkett review — as an Axe-Crazy George Lucas.
- On the subject of Star Wars getting a spin-off film every other year in addition to the series' main intallments:Plinkett: But in addition to the trilogies, on the off years there's gonna be a Star Wars standalone film. Maybe two each year, or three or four... WHY NNNNOOOOOOOOTTTTT?!?!
- Mr. Plinkett saying that Star Wars fans called Kylo Ren an "emu".
- The brilliant and hilarious juxtaposition of Kylo Ren, Leia and Han Solo during the Veruca Salt song from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.
Plinkett: We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oooooooooold!
- Advancing his own fan theory (that Snoke might just be Luke in disguise, like the Wizard of Oz), he cuts together another very on-the-nose comparison montage with shots and scenes from the 1939 movie.
- The volcanic diarrhoea Plinket spews at George Lucas and J.J. Abrams at the conclusion.I'm literally shitting on Star Wars!
- The title of chapter 1 of the review, read in Plinkett's typical deadpan:Star Wars has become a living nightmare that you can never wake up from until you're dead and even then I can't guarantee it.
- Plinkett's list of gay Star Wars characters (with "YMCA" playing in the background no less):Plinkett: I mean do we really need more gay characters in Star Wars?
C3PO: Thank the Maker, this oil bath is gtoing to feel so good!
- Biggs Darklight (Gay)
- A Mos Eisley Cantina alien (Gay)
- Luke (Gay)
- Conan Antonio Montti (Soooo gay)
- R2-D2 (Implied gay)
- Grand Moff Tarkin (Elderly gay)
- Bib Fortuna (Eastern European gay)
- Rebel watchman (Lonely gay)
- Lando Calrissian (Not gay at all)
- Mon Mothma (Probably lesbian)
- Jabba palace dancer (For sure lesbian)
- Sarlacc (Possibly asexual)
- Shmii Skywalker (For sure asexual)
- "Ah shaddup, shaddup, you know you laughed! ... had a coupla vodka gimlets tonight, so I might say a few weird things, but whatever..." (crash)
- The, ahem, deleted scene from the much more hard-edged original trilogy; "Bitches leave!"
- Mr. Plinkett saying that he was "triggered" by Han using the phrase "Mumbo Jumbo", describing the racist origins of that term, and then saying "That's racist! This whole movie is a racist NIGHTMARE!"
- The huge rising crescendo of fangasm over the Millennium Falcon builds drowning out Mr Plinkett "...ok, I see why they left it in."
- Mr. Plinkett's fake article about why the Back to the Future trilogy is better than the original Star Wars trilogy which spoofed the online articles that praised the prequels.Plinkett:: That's my article, thanks for clicking on it, you fuck!
- The "pizza phone sex" part.
- "As he left, (George Lucas) reportedly fell down the stairs, dusted himself off with embarrassment, and stepped on a rake!"
- I remember the first time I saw Darth Maul vs. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. It was beyond epic! I was 4!
- "Remember when Yoda-I- I mean Maz Cantina or as shes known on the streets, Butt-hole eyes"...
- Why didnt Finn get a horrible bacterial infection after drinking standing water with monster saliva in it?! Doesnt J.J. Abrams know about SCIENCE?!?!
- From his Rogue One review:
- "I'd like to talk very briefly about Disney's Marvel Star Wars Rogue One: A Star Wars Story by Disney! The conglomerate corporation...."
- "Here's the thing about opinions: they're all wrong unless they're mine!"
- "Humor and action is essentially this: you can just eat the icing on the cake, which is tasty, but you get real fat, you'll get cavities, and your teeth will rot out! And after eating too much, you'll start to get sick of it!"
- From his second Rogue One video where he responds to several comments on his Rogue One review:
- "Or maybe your brains don't work so well because there's a Darth Vader toy stuck in it!"
- Mr. Plinkett thinking that Naruto is a type of spicy noodle.
- Mr Plinkett's reaction to someone claiming the ending space battle made up for how bad the movie was:"OH MY GOD! I LOVE SPACE BATTLES WITH X-WINGS!"
(close up of a pilot's face) "Fuck me!"
- "(Kylo Ren) wanted to be a badass and evil. He wasn't quite there yet...HE WAS AN AMATEUR!"
- "Who's their military tactician? Ray Charles?"
- Mr Plinkett's reaction to a user telling him that they thought he wasn't a real Star Wars fan for not liking all the films, upon noticing that they wrote the word "your", instead of "you're":"And YOU'RE not gonna graduate high school!"
- After the Half in the Bag and re:View reviews of Transformers: The Last Knight, both of which were bait and switches, Mr. Plinkett decides to review the film. Unsurprisingly, this is also a bait and switch, as Plinkett pulls a Screw This, I'm Outta Here! 30 seconds into the review, causing the remaining 57 minutes to be a black screen with Transformers sound effects playing over it.
- The review of Ghostbusters (2016).
- "It's amazing how wrong this film is. It's like putting a Jackson Pollock painting in an art gallery, during a realism exhibit. If that reference is too cerebral for you, then it's like saying poo is pee."
- "Ghostbusters isn't the best place for a queef joke."
- "But the thing is I'm not sure what the point of this movie was, other than obviously being Sony's attempt to establish a Ghostbusters cinematic universe, which ended about as well as a Sonny Bono ski trip."
- Mr. Plinkett complains about the over-saturated colors, and imagines a Sony executive was responsible. He has hidden camera proof, with Rich Evans as the Sony exec.Sony Executive: Yeah, hey, Paul, I've been checking out those dailies, and it looks great, it does not look like barf. Uh, but I was thinking, maybe we can make the movie look more like barf. Yeah, I just wanna, you know, knock the saturation levels up, just a little bit so it looks like everybody has high blood pressure or maybe they're wearing, you know, way too much makeup, uh, yeah, my grand vision is like, alright, "Willy Wonka throwing up in a Skittles factory." Yeah, I know it'll look like hot garbage, but this movie is a giant turd, and you know, maybe if it's more colorful the movie will be funny.
- Jack's brief cameo, doing a dead-on, smarmy impression of Paul Feig chuckling on set during production.
- "Oh look, the soup only has one wonton in it. That's hilarious...FUCK YOU, FATSO!"
- "Ghostbusters 2016 is like a little kid in the backseat of your car yelling for your attention. A kid that you just might forget is in your backseat when you go to work on a hot day. Whoops!"
- "Now I will do my very best to avoid singing the praises of the original film. You know, to avoid sounding biased. We all know what they are. We all know it's one of the best movies ever made, with some of the best performances and characters. We all know it didn't need to be remade. So I'll avoid how saying how great it is, and how perfect. Just how absolutely perfect it is. I won't talk about how every line of dialogue is expertly written and delivered. And I certainly won't mention how unique and awesome it was. How perfect the villains were, and how great and well developed each character was. I will do my very best not to mention those things."
- "5. Too much dancing and pointless movie references."
- "Too much dancing. Stop dancing. Hey, remember Patrick Swayze movies?... Remember Dirty Dancing?...Remember Road House?...Stop dancing! Stop dancing!! Remember Jaws? Remember Jaws?...Remember Jaws? Remember Scarface? Remember Scarface? Remember Scarface? Remember Scarface? Enough with the dancing! Remember The Exorcist? Stop dancing! Stop dancing! Stop dancing! Remember Scarface? Enough with the dancing! Stop dancing! Remember Scarface? Stop dancing. Remember Scarface? Stop dancing!"
- "The casting of this movie isn't the problem. Only in rare cases is the casting of a movie so bad that it ruins the whole film. A good script and a good director could make anything work. Who would have thought that Mr. Mom could be Batman? Or that Charlton Heston could play a Mexican? Or that Lindsay Lohan could play a drug-addled stripper?"
- Mr. Plinkett goes off on a tangent about how he's sick of people trying to sell him convection ovens, then starts talking to a commercial.Narrator: Are you too busy to cook a wholesome meal for the family?
Mr. Plinkett: I don't got a family.
Narrator: Do you hate the hassle of waiting for your food to thaw?
Mr. Plinkett: No.
Narrator: Has fast food become a regular on your family's dinner table?
Mr. Plinkett: Why I love fast food.
Narrator: Are you concerned about gaining weight and high cholesterol—
Mr. Plinkett: No.
Narrator: —due to unhealthy eating habits?
Mr. Plinkett: No!
- "Problem is Ghostbusters isn't a movie where you point your camera at your actors and yell "Say funny things!" Those are called Judd Apatow movies, and usually they're about people, sex, relationships, virginity, farts, pussies, lesbians, shitting, hookers, drinking booze, swearing, sluts, dudebros, smoking pot, video games, taking dumps, tits, and so on."
- Mr. Plinkett's increasing annoyance at the constant ad-libbing and Lull Destruction.Mr. Plinkett: (during the hearse scene) Stop talking!...Stop talking!!...Stop talking! Stop talking! For the love of God, stop talking! Stop talking!
- "Ghostbusters shouldn't be a grade-school play filled with adults making jokes about poo."
- Plinkett's ever building rage at Paul Feig's seemingly complete inability to understand the movie he was building off of, his role as a director, or even the most basic tenets of comedy, finally culminating in...Mr. Plinkett: (almost choking on his anger) DO YOU GET THAT, PAUL FEEEEEIG?!!
- "So all I got here at the end of the film is that a man who is possibly retarded might be in danger, and that there are ghosts attacking New York City. A city filled with dimwitted FBI agents, lazy takeout guys, a mayor who doesn't give a shit, his cunty lying assistant, Erin's colleague or boyfriend that is embarrassed by her, a middle finger flipping dickwad dean, a snarky crippled skeptic, rude disbelieving Youtube commenters, people giving dirty looks, and a disobedient tagger. Wow, a cast of annoying, cartoonish stupid people! Yes, please save the city from the literal basement-dwelling misanthrope! Even the guy he works for is an asshole. This script is dumber than Kevin."
- Plinketts reaction to the part of the director commentary where Paul Feig not knowing where the Come out, come out, wherever you are... joke came from, and guessing it was from a Disney movie:Mr. Plinkett: Its from kind of a little obscure movie called THE WIZARD OF OZ?!?!?
(a clip of the song in the original movie where the line in question came from is shown)
Mr. Plinkett: THE MOST FAMOUS MOVIE EVER MADE?!?!? You know thats in your movie now, right? And you dont even know what it's from?
- Plinkett eventually places the blame for the whole thing ever happening in the first place on... the notoriously difficult to satisfy Bill Murray, who held out for decades on making another movie until Harold Ramis finally died, with his contract being what kept anything from ever materializing. Most of the shots involve Murray at the Jimmy Kimmel Live! reunion segment looking extremely depressed and regretful, being sat on by Jimmy's sidekick, Guillermo, dressed as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.Mr. Plinkett: I'm glad you spent all those precious years of your life voicing Garfield movies. Fuck y—
- From the The Last Jedi review:
"He used to mow my fucking lawn! One time he added fertilizer to my overgrown grass and made it worse, he told me he was subverting my expectations. I told him to go fuck himself! I fired him, and I didn't let him mow another lawn again. *coughs, clears throat*"
- The Running Gag of Mr. Plinkett's OTHER son. Not the son who hung himself in a gas station bathroom, but the son he is so ashamed and embarrassed of, he never previously mentioned him before: Rian Johnson.
- Plinkett repeatedly mocks director Rian Johnson's insistence on — and pride in — "subverting audience expectations" as though it were always an inherently and manifestly great thing to do in storytelling. For instance, here's a short film he shows of Johnson's called "The Wine Tasting" (with Johnson played by Rich Evans):(Johnson is served a bottle of wine; he opens it, and for brief moment he looks as though he will pour himself a glass of said wine; he goes on to ignore his glass, and pours the wine out onto the tablecloth)
Rian Johnson: HEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAAAA!!
- "Don't question her leadership! SHE HAS PURPLE HAIR!"
- Plinkett states that he doesn't buy Trojan condoms because 1) His wife is dead 2) He can't get an erection anymore and 3) His cat ripped his penis off 40 years ago. He even has audio that he plays
- He gets super offended that Poe calls the Millenium Falcon a "she"... decrying assuming that ships are female as "outdated, sexist sailor-talk", and that it has no place in a "progressive" film like The Last Jedi, and he goes to petition Antifa to protest against it.
- There are good places to put in a Dolemite reference, and there are perfect places to do it. Finn and Rose's side-plot is one of the perfect ones:"BITCH, ARE YOU FOR REAL?!"
- "I'm not suggesting a boycott... but boy... I do love cots."
The Nerd Crew:
- In the first episode, Mike, Jay, and Rich's absolutely vicious satire of "serious and analytical" "geek culture" podcasts and review shows, with them admitting up front that they were bought and sold by Disney reps into giving the movie a positive review, but that's not why they loved it — it's because it was ''Star Wars''.note
- The second episode of The Nerd Crew has Rich looking at the contents of the Star Wars Backpack Pack Nerd Box, and completely breaking character laughing his ass off at one of the items: a Ghostbusters (2016) action figure that has all of the writing magic markered to say it's a Rey action figure.
- Rich's introduction.Rich: I'm Rich Evans, and I was once kicked out of an all you can eat buffet.
- The trio giving a standing ovation over the Star Wars: The Last Jedi logo.Mike: YOU JUST KEEP HITTING THE FUCKING HOME-RUNS DISNEY!!!!!
- Jay breaks character and panics when Rich nearly knocks over expensive camera equipment while Rich pretends to pass out.
- Mike, while over-enthusiastically nodding in agreement with Rich, headbutts his microphone. He holds character for a second before nearly breaking and is visibly choking back his laughter while holding his newly aching head. The shot then quickly cuts to Jay who is just barely holding it together better.
- Rich's introduction.
- From the third episode:
- The discussion on Spider-Man: Homecoming:Rich: Did the check clear? Do I like it?note
- Two instances of Kayfabe getting broken. The first with Rich having a meltdown and turning back to normal after a jumpcut, and the other with Mike remembering the ending of Batman v Superman where Superman dies having forgotten about it, before correcting himself and pretending it was such a memorable scene and ending.
- The discussion on Spider-Man: Homecoming:
- From the fourth episode:
- Most the video is sponsorship shilling. A YouTube comment best summed it up as an episode of Black Mirror. Products include:
- Nerd Coffin, a decorated coffin that can also stream the latest movies to your grave and you can use it to store your Funko Pop and other nerd memorabilia.
- Nerd Life, life insurance for older nerds that allows you to see the biggest nerd movie of the year before it even premieres anywhere in case you have a terminal illness but requires you to sign an NDA and a DNR just in case you don't die after the movie comes out worldwide.note
- Rich getting quite excited when describing the Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer he just watched, praising the visuals, action and intrigue of the movie — but then bringing up the "iconic weapon" getting smashed, and gushing over Thor and the Hulk. When the guys correct him and mention the real trailer they're talking about (in which almost nothing happened), Rich looks absolutely crushed.
- Due to their endless shilling, the guys never actually get to discuss the trailer at all, ending with a promo code to get discounted tickets for Harrison Ford's Nerd Coffin-sponsored funeral (complete with a picture of a crashed small aircraft). Mike then ad-libs "a quick shout out to Stan Lee, who is [somehow] still alive". Jay and Rich lose it.
- Most the video is sponsorship shilling. A YouTube comment best summed it up as an episode of Black Mirror. Products include:
- From the fifth episode:
- Jay breaks character when Rich deliberately misapplies the butter on the Death Star Popcorn Maker, causing it to not only spill all over the table, but cause the appliance to catch fire.
- Rich's reaction to Chewbacca with an odd furry creature, wondering if they were crossing over Star Wars with Caddyshack. Another picture is suggested to be a crossover with Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Rich theorizes those creatures are the offspring of ET The Extraterrestrial and the Sadness Turtle from The Neverending Story.
- The crew feigning shock at the "bold" decision to make an Obi-Wan standalone story, then stating Darth Maul will return with each half having its own robot half, causing Mike to completely corpse. (One image has R2-D2's head on Darth Maul's legs.)Rich: Star Wars is really about having a top-half Darth Maul robot and bottom-half Darth Maul robot, fighting each other with twenty lightsabers while Obi-Wan is stuck in the middle.
- Mike's announcement of a Jabba the Hutt standalone film is met with stony silence until he reminds Jay and Rich that Disney's paying their salary. He then follows up with news about standalone films about minor characters from The Empire Strikes Back. Jay then wonders if Disney realizes the term "standalone film" may be offensive to paraplegics. They completely corpse reading the Wookieepedia entry for Lobot. Making it funnier is that Mike starts off reading the real thing but keeps making up an increasingly ridiculous backstory until Jay and Rich can barely hold it together.
- From the sixth episode:
- Jay teases the first word of Episode IX, saying "it's 'it's'." Rich and Mike think he's got Tourette's for a moment.
- The crew panic over them spoiling Star Wars: The Last Jedi before the embargo date of December 12, 2017. (The video aired on the 11th.)
- The many fake spoilers, such as describing the porgs' teamwork moment of making a ladder to reach the lightsaber, or Snoke getting off his throne and stepping on a porg so hard that "we could see its guts were purple".
- Return of the Jedi:
- The crew notice Harrison Ford's boredom in the role of Han Solo, and say he didn't want anything to do with the series anymore.Rich: (as Ford) I have to be second fiddle to Mark Hamill? Fuck that.
- Even more disinterested is Alec Guinness, and they laugh about how he puts no effort into the role, as Ben's ghost sits on a log while wearing slippers.
- When C3PO is recapping the events of the first two movies to the Ewoks.Mike: He explains how Lando made inappropriate sexual advances towards Princess Leia.
Mike: (as C3PO) Una Lando Calrissian ut-ah-taw-too-taw rapist!
- When the Rebels blow up the shield generator.Rich: (as Han Solo tells everyone to flee) Let's move! There's no way we can get far enough away to look like we survive this horrible blast we're going to see in a second!
(The dish explodes)
Rich, Mike, Jay: (screaming) OH MY GOD!!!
Rich: (gleefully) Han Solo is dead! (they all chortle) Oh, no, wait, he's fine! He's not even surrounded by fire, or debris!
Mike: He ran eleven feet away. That, that, oh my G—... that explosion was bigger than a continent.
Rich: They saw that explosion and they said, "Oh my God. We've got to cut to a shot of Han Solo standing up!"
- The crew notice Harrison Ford's boredom in the role of Han Solo, and say he didn't want anything to do with the series anymore.
- Justice League (2017):
- Mike is confused why Superman and the League seem to be fighting near a "Vietnam War memorial stone" with names listed on it.Mike: Are those the names of all the people killed by Superman? (beat)
(Rich and Jay burst out laughing)
- Later he comments after Superman punches the Flash through the stone that Superman can't even let them be honored in death.
- Mike and Jay learning about Gorilla Grodd.
- Their reaction to the post-credits scene, on how Lex Luther escaped Arkham and replaced him with another bald inmate.Rich: He escaped from jail because he placed a crazy man in his spot who is also bald. They didn't know the difference because all bald men look the same.
Mike: He just faced the wall the entire imprisonment?
Rich: Nobody took a closer look!
(Jay laughs even harder.)
Rich: That guy's been standing there for... for a whole month.
Mike: Rich... is that... is that really what just happened or are you joking?
Jay: I think that's what... we're obviously watching this without sound but that's what's going on.
Mike: Oh my god...
- Mike is confused why Superman and the League seem to be fighting near a "Vietnam War memorial stone" with names listed on it.
- Halloween (1978):
- In the trailer for the commentary:Jay: But most importantly, we talk about the original ending to Halloween 6, and how Michael Myers was stopped by Paul Rudd and some magic stones.
Mike: But wait, did that really happen?
Jay: That was the original ending, but they reshot it.
Mike: Hmmn. They should have reshot the whole fuckin' film!
- In the trailer for the commentary:
- Rogue One
- Mike: I'll tell you this real quick. Jim took his six-year-old [to the film]...
Jay: Canadian Jim?
Mike: ...And he asked him what his favorite part of the movie was, and he said "When the little girl was given the stuffed R2D2 in bed". (Jay laughs) And he later found out that it was a Duracell ad that played before the movie. (Jay and Rich laugh)
- When running the stream for December 9, 2012, the stream was shut down because of DMCA action after showing the chipmunks singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. If you hear anyone saying something about "Fuck DMCA and fuck the Chipmunks", now you know why.
- "101 Wacky Kid Jokes WITH KIDS!!!" They decide to test the titular book of jokes on actual kids and see if they laugh. The whole thing is pretty funny from the 1st kid's total disinterest to Rich treating the whole thing as Serious Business. But the funniest moment has to be the 2nd kid* found the jokes so stupid that in the middle of one joke, he just gets up and runs away without any warning or hesitation.
- In The Western Ore Musical, Flint Eastrock deciding to throw a rock at him and his gun away instead of just shooting Jones during a gun fight. It goes pretty much how you'd expect... kind of.
- Rich Evans' watching the teaser for The Force Awakens spoofing YouTube videos of fans going apeshit over the teaser - especially at the shot of the Millenium Falcon. He descends into a rabid caricature of fanboyism. Things go really downhill when he jerks off an R5-D4 at his crotch after seeing the Falcon, while wearing a Darth Vader helmet.Rich: STAR WARS!!! I FUCKING LOVE STAR WARS!!!
- The "Ten Things You Didn't Know About Darth Vader's Suit" video is a riot:
Rich: Because it's the first thing you're going to do!
- Mike and Rich crack up at the ridiculously named "Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center."
Mike: (Palpatine impression) I want a hospital named after me!
- They're also in stitches upon learning that the robots who built Vader's suit cut corners due to budget constraints at Palpatine's hospital.
- The April Fool's re:View of Horse Ninja, sending up both early '90's Image comics and the cheesy quickie superhero TV movies.
- Jay bashing◊ Lights Out on Twitter in response to a user wishing they filmed a HitB episode on it named David F. Sandberg. As in, the same David F. Sandberg who directed Lights Out. Both parties fortunately take it in stride, though.
- The parody of the Blade Runner 2049 trailer and its Dull Surprise lead.
- Rich and Mike Talk: Disney's Han Solo Terrible Movie Ideas has Rich and Mike predicting what terrible ideas the upcoming standalone Solo movie will feature. At one point, Rich predicts Han Solo will encounter mynocs and use them to win the Kessel Run later. Jay, who's manning the camera, pipes in, "I can visualize that whole sequence. I can see it in my brain. I've already seen the movie."
- All of the Contrived Coincidence ideas they come up with, like Han bumping into Luke at age five, or his original ship being Slave I, which is then stolen by Boba Fett.
- After all the insanely idiotic plot ideas they come up with Rich gushes, "I had no interest in the movie before we did this, and now it's my Movie of the Year! I gotta see it!"
- The ultimate crowner though? During the actual HitB for Solo, Rich was the one who unironically enjoyed it the most.