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Funny / Psychonauts

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.
You mean, like, kiss?
  • This conversation in the game's opening, after the camp counselors unsuccessfully try to read Raz's mind:
    Raz: My name...
    Coach Oleander: Starts with a 'D'!
    Raz: Razputin.
    Coach Oleander: Grr...
    Raz: But everyone calls me...Raz.
    • Which is also a subtle reference to the original main character of the game, who was named D'Artagan.
  • Oleander's Drill Sergeant Nasty persona when giving the game's opening speech to the campers, who the players don't find out are actually children until afterwards. Even an adult psychic would balk at his speech, much less children barely past 10.
    Dogan: *sobbing* They told me this was a summer camp...
  • The music which plays whenever you reunite emotional baggage with its tag.
  • In Basic Braining:
    Oleander: Is your name Joey?
    Raz: No!
    Oleander: 'Cause I'm gonna call you "Slowey Joey!"
    Raz: That's not my name.
    Oleander: What was that, Slowey?! I can't hear you, you're talkin' too slow!
  • Oleander's full of them:
    Oleander: You're like molasses going uphill in January ... with crutches!
    Oleander: Dang, my bowels move more than you do, Pokey!
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  • This little bit, which you can find after Basic Braining, after Mikhail asks Raz if Lili is his girlfriend:
    Mikhail: Is okay. Girls only good for one thing, anyway. Wrestling.
  • After Basic Braining, go to the lake and talk with Elton Fir, who will explain that he can telekinetically talk to fish. Hang around long enough, and they'll stop talking to him about the Hulking Lungfish and start teasing him about wanting to "spawn" with Lili. He gets annoyed and says humans don't technically do that.
  • This conversation with Elka, a girl who is trying to get Nils' attention by dating JT.
    Raz: I found this in Nils' bunk. It looks like it came off a girl's dress!
    Elka: (gasp) ...I don't care!
    Raz: It looks like it was pulled off by force!
    Elka: ...I don't care!
    Raz: It's got little teethmarks in it!
    • And immediately after, Dogen's brain and mouth line up long enough for him to make a contribution:
      Dogen: Nils kisses girls on the mouth and likes it.
  • Raz tries talking with the birds:
    Raz: Why don't you come alight on my shoulder? (bird flies away) ... Jerk.
  • If you use Pyrokinesis on the birds in the main campground, they burst into flames and leave behind a roast chicken which Raz can eat to regain health.
    • Not to mention roast squirrel.
    • Even more pyrokinetic fun: if you use it on Sasha Nein, he'll deadpan "I'm sure you can find a more productive use for that skill, Razputin".
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    • Milla will tell you: "Please, Razputin this is polyester I'm already hot enough."
    • Try using it on the giant tree timeline in the camp parking lot. Raz will groan "Aw, they don't trust us with anything!". The devs of the game fully expected people to try and burn everything they could, including the very large piece of wood (the timeline) in the parking lot.
      G-Man on Fire: I am on fire. I am uncomfortable.
    • And if you shoot a bird with psy-blasts, Raz will follow it up with a cheery "See 'ya in hell!"
  • If you interact with the weaver in Ford's sanctuary prior to getting the Cobweb Duster:
    Raz: Ford says that this machine can be used to weave pine needles into delicious taffy...
    Ford: No I didn't! I said that you can weave Mental Cobwebs into PSI Cards!
    Raz: Just testing your hearing! Geez, he's like a bat...
    Ford: I'll bat your head in, punk.
  • And then there's this scene:
    Raz: No, not yet.
    Ford: (slaps Raz) How 'bout now?
  • It's classic when you hit Sasha with a normal palm strike. The effect is even funnier with the way he wobbles back and forth, completely stiff as he's hit.
    Sasha: Yes. Ouch.
  • Wait around long enough in the static egg at the beginning of the brain tumbler experiment, and Sasha will all but tell you to try punching your way out. Wait a little longer, and...
    Sasha: Punch your way out, Razputin!
    Sasha: Now! Hurry!
    Sasha: This test is costing the taxpayers a lot of money!
  • The mental vault "The World Shall Taste My Eggs". It shows a chick hatching from an egg, walking over to a pier where it meets a fish, then rides the fish across water apparently to an amusement park where the chick rides a spinning teacup. The final slide shows the chick riding the teacup, which is now somehow flying in the sky and firing a Death Ray.
    • What's funny is on Rewatch Bonus, that vault is spoiling Oleander's entire plan.
  • This exchange:
    Dogen: What do you think's wrong with my brain, doctor?
    Dr. Loboto: How should I know? I'm a dentist!
  • Dr. Loboto soothes an agitated patient:
    Loboto: Don't worry, this will only hurt until YOUR BRAINS COME FLYING OUT!
  • Sasha, before giving you a target to practice with, describes the most horrendous thing imaginable and out pops... an enamel-glass lamp. Also, his wonderful "And the world is a better place." after PSI blasting said lamp out of existence. And his disgusted noises at the new lamps appearing. Well, let's just say the entire scene up to when the Censor Machine flips to overdrive.
    Sasha: Excellent. A victory for good taste.
    • After shutting off all the Censor valves, Raz and Sasha have the following exchange:
      Sasha: Young man, I hope you've learned a lesson here today.
      Raz: Yes, I have: that shooting things is fun and useful!
    • And after defeating the giant boss censor, we get this great exchange:
      Raz: So, is this where I get a speech and learn another lesson?
      Sasha: No. Here's your merit badge. Let Us Never Speak of This Again.
    • This becomes even funnier upon returning to Sasha's mind after his brain has been stolen where he offers to let Raz use the course again revealing that the whole incident was intentional meant to push Raz to his limits. Sasha already knew Raz well enough to predict he'd overload the Censors so he staged the whole thing... except for the Mega-Censor that part was complete real and entirely accidental.
  • If you get stamped by the Mega-Censor enough in "Sasha's Shooting Gallery", Agent Nein will eventually stop giving advice and instead mutter things like "My name is Yan Yanssen, I live in Wisconsin, I work in the lumberyard there..."
    • "Razputin, see if you can reach into my pocket and hand me my cigarettes."
  • One line that seems to stick out, from when Raz tries to warn Lili about the villains' evil plot:
    Raz: Lili! A deranged madman is building an army of psychic death tanks to take over the world, and there's no one who can stop him except for you and me!
    Lili: Oh my God! Let's make out!
    • "...Make out? You mean, like, kiss?"
    • Becomes an Overly Long Gag. Raz is professional and goal-oriented the whole game, but the moment he sees Lili after that moment, all he cares about is having her clarify that yes she wants to kiss. Including when she is tied to a chair next to her brainless teachers with the threat of losing her brain being dangerously close.
    • The joke reaches its hilarious conclusion before entering the final mind world:
      Lili (thinking): When are you going to shut up and kiss me?
      Raz: Uhm... I can hear that.
      Lili: "I know."
      Lili closes her eyes and kisses him
  • Vernon's ghost story, especially if you've been exploring the camp and know that a lot the general concepts are based in truth, even if the specific details are complete nonsense.
  • The various responses heard when demolishing Lungfishopolis:
    • "Ooooh! GOGGALOR!"
    • Apparently Raz crushes the puppy orphanage in his rampage.
    • "He's impervious to bullets! ...And love!"
    • "That was my school ...YAY!"
  • "Freedom! "FREEDOM!" "Free-duuum." "FREEDOM!"
    • Also from Lungfishopolis, some quotes of the TV announcer, including when he's waiting for the Navy to summon their most powerful weapon, what they're best known for - planes.
      • The camera zooms onto a destroyer ship as he says this and pauses for a few seconds before quickly cutting to circling planes.
    • A random lungfish celebrity is brought in to give his opinion. He derides Go- Raz for a bit, then starts to plug his own show.
      • Said lungfish sounds like Kochamera simply doing an impression, which makes it sound funnier. Also it's likely that said show was another means of hypnotizing lungfish, which is why he pushed it.
    • Also from Lungfishopolis:
      Lungfish Soldier: "The prison archives may have some information on your young girlfriend."
      Raz: "Well, I don't know if she's my girlfriend! I mean, I think we..."
      Lungfish Soldier: "I only meant she is your friend who is a girl, Goggalor."
    • Raz starts getting a little annoyed with the resistance:
      Lungfish: "There is no 'I' in 'Team,' Goggalor."
      Raz: "No, but there's an 'I' in 'Squish,' so watch it."
  • This exchange between "Goggalor" and "Kochamara":
    Oleander: Give up while you can, Goggalor!
    Raz: I know it's you in there, Coach! I don't know where you're broadcasting from, but I'm going to find out and make you show me what happened to Lili!
    Oleander: Kochamara does not speak giant monster boy language.
    Raz: The only word you're going to need is "Ouch".
  • The fight with Kochamera. Some people actually got hit with several of his attacks on purpose, just to hear lines such as:
    "MIGHTY... RAM!"
    • What about this?
      Kochamara: ...I've got the brain of a little girl back in my lab that's strong enough to power an entire army of Psychoblaster death tanks!
      Raz: (starts laughing)
      Kochamara: What's so funny?
      Raz: You've got the brain of a little girl?
      Kochamara: I said in my lab!
      Raz: I think you've got the muscles of a little girl too!
      Kochamara: Urgh. Good one.
  • Kochamara plummets, screaming and on fire, from the broadcast tower after accidentally flying directly into it. And behind his screaming you hear the distinct sound of a balloon deflating. It's ridiculous.
  • The mutated lungfish's real name. "Liiiindaaaaa..."
    Raz: What a magical lady.
  • Any line (or idle animation) by the G-Men in The Milkman Conspiracy. Made even funnier by the robotic monotone in which they say them.
    Telephone Repair G-Man: I can listen to any phone conversations I wish, but do not do so out of my sense of professional responsibility.
    Plant-watering G-Man: Plants need to have water poured on them because they have no hands to hold glasses of water.
    Sewer-working G-Man: Though I often smell of excrement, I deserve your respect because I provide a valuable service to the community. ...Feces.
    Housewife G-Man: Sooner or later my husband will desire me less sexually, but he will always love my pies.
    Assassin G-Man: Oh no, they got Freddy. Poor Freddy. He was such a good secret agent. I mean assassin.
    • How about every single thing the G-Men say or do? Especially "I am a grieving widow. These are my flowers," accompanied by the flowers in question being swung like a golf club.
      • Or, even better, being played as an air guitar.
    • "Why, God. Why."
    • It certainly doesn't hurt that they're played by the incomparable Steve Blum.
    • One of the Sewer-Working G-men is desperately trying to pull a plunger off his own face.
      • Another is trying to use his plunger as a trumpet.
    • Equip Raz with one of those such items and press Y/Triangle and he'll imitate them.
      • Even better, equip him with the rolling pin and hold still.
      • Get into a square without the right item and the G-Men will chastise you for being in a dangerous area. Have the right item and they react hilariously familiar.
        Raz: I am on the road crew! This is my stop sign!
        G-Man: Hello fellow road worker. Welcome to the road crew.
    • Hell, a lot of his Idle Animations are funny.
  • Raz: OK, your name isn't Boyd anymore. It's 'Roid. 'Cause you're such a big pain in my butt!
  • Boyd's randomly generated ranting before you finish his stage can cook up some comedy gold:
    ...And it's all the fault of... those eggheads in their ivory tower... who went to the prom with... all them haters...Have us all fooled!!
    • I see your prom, and raise you a cult. Looks like Dogen might've been onto something.
      ...A secret doomsday cult...with the full blessing of...the squirrels!
    • The best lines of that level come from using a cheat to get the confusion grenades early. Using them on the G-men makes them temporarily realize the ridiculousness of their situations. As for Boyd?
      Wait a minute, I think there might not be a conspiracy after all! It's possible I'm just suffering paranoid delusions linked to an entity I call The Milkman, who is in actuality... (grenade wears off) the mummified remains of Abraham Lincoln!
    • Here's one of the best ones from the G-men:
      "Okay, I have to this watering can and I have a history?”
    • "Oh my god, why am I holding a gun?"
      • "I hope I haven't killed again."
  • Though it doesn't serve any purpose, Boyd will react to any of the props you find in his mental world:
    Raz: (holding flowers) Are these a clue?
    Boyd: Flowers to put on the grave of the truth! For those who mourn the loss of democracy...
    Raz: (holding a phone) Hey, phone's for you!
    Boyd: GAH! GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! I never talk on the phone! That's how they get your location!
    Raz: (holding a plunger) Look at this plunger I found in the basement of the post office.
    Boyd: GAH! That's the exact model they used to kill the ambassador with in '63!
    Raz: (holding a stop sign) STOP...being crazy and tell me where the Milkman is.
    Boyd: Oh! You think I'm crazy? What if I'm the only one who's sane?
    Raz: (holding a rolling pin) Is this yours?
    Boyd: No. I don't trust...pies.
    Raz: (holding a fake rifle) Do you have a real one of these? Like, the kind that shoots bullets?
    Boyd: Give a loaded gun to a ten-year-old?! Do I look crazy to you?
  • Fighting the Evil Den Mother.
    Den Mother: And now I will PLUCK OUT YOUR EYES!
    Raz: Ha! You can't! That is the purpose of the goggles!
  • During the fighting betwixt the Censors and the Rainbow Squirts, you can see a Censor repeatedly slamming its stamp into a fallen Squirt's face, saying "no!" each time.
  • And then the most glorious line of them all:
    Boyd: I am the Milkman. My milk is delicious.
  • Talking to Bonita Soleil. You hear this crying noise all the way down the corridor and then finding her voice is extremely gruff and greasy, quite opposite to the wailing noises.
    Raz: So, who's that crying?
    Bonita: It was just a recording. It helps me relax.
  • This is the conversation you'll have if you ask Bonita if she's scared of the Phantom. The actual context is horrible, but the delivery makes it funny.
    Bonita: No, it's not him I'm frightened of. It's that fat one who clings to the side of the theater like a blood-swollen tick, sucking out its life.
    Raz: Ew.
    Bonita: He's always been there, but he wasn't always that big and loud. I couldn't hear him much at all, really. Not until Gloria's mother hit the stage.
    Raz: He didn't like her performance either?
    Bonita: No, I mean HIT the stage. Ker-splat. Jumped from the catwalks while Gloria was in Paris.
    Raz: Ew.
    Bonita: Yeah, that's what the janitor said, too.
  • The Stage Actors all have huge, gaping mouths that hang open when they aren't talking. Combined with their Bad "Bad Acting", it makes pretty much every scene they do hilarious to watch, especially when things go Off the Rails.
  • If you're into black comedy, the actors in Gloria's mindscape are invincible. And they're also not immune to Pyrokinesis. It gets even better if you upgraded it to affect multiple targets.
    Ooh, oww oww! TWEEEEET!
  • The fight with Gloria's inner critic.
    Raz: How can I say this and still sound cool... Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never... hurt me?
    • Right before that is the confrontation between Raz and Jasper.
    Raz: Okay, the jig is up, PHANTOM!
    Jasper: What? Why, I never! How dare you accuse me of being the rugged and romantic scoundrel that has thrilled and terrified audiences for years!
    Raz: Yeah, I guess you're right. He's so agile, and limber, and... thin. He could never be you.
  • Fred after using the Psycho-Portal on him:
    Napoleon!Fred: Sacre bleu! We have been hit!
  • When at the carpenter's door, trying to recruit him for (Fred) Napoleon's army:
    Carpenter: Go away, burglar!
    Raz: I'm not a burglar!
    Carpenter Yes you are! I can hear your feet on my roof. Why don't you go down through the chimney? I've got a nice, hot fire roaring just for you.
    Raz: If I was on the roof, how could I be talking to you down here?
    Carpenter: ...Maybe you're a ventriloquist!
    • And then once you finish his task:
    Carpenter: For a ventriloquist, you're pretty tough!
    • Even better; what's the first thing the villager who wants his gun say he's going to do once the war's done? Use his gun to rob the carpenter, since breaking in from the roof didn't work.
      • And then after bragging that he wouldn't die like the other soldier pieces, he dies because he forgot he needed to reload his gun.
  • If Raz tries to interact with any of Napoleon's pieces:
    Napoleon: Hey, don't touch my pieces! That is cheating!
  • The second soldier that Napoleon summons:
    Soldier: Mon dieu! I... HATE... BRIDGES!
    Soldier: Zat's for killing my father, BRIDGE!
    • When you return to Waterloo World after completing it, the game pieces are replaced with cow figures. When Raz talks to them about the previous battle none of them respond to him, which leads to this:
    Raz: Shame on you, ungrateful cow.
  • After their intense conversation during the first meeting of Raz and Edgar, this happens.
    Raz: (beat) Well, I'm gonna go downstairs. You good?
    Edgar: I'm good.
  • When Raz persuading a bulldog to paint a sign:
    Raz: Who wants to go for a walk?
  • When you first get the Confusion Grenades, try using one on the poster dog. The resulting cutscene is absolutely hilarious.
    "No, wait! cat...spelled backwards."
  • This exchange with The Eagle, which comes after a long series of dramatically introduced wrestlers.
    Eagle: Ca-caw!
    Raz: That's it? Ca- (gets punched in face)
    Eagle: Ca-caw!
    • And when you call Agent Cruller for help, he and Raz get into a debate over whether "Ca-caw!" is one word or two. ("Well, sure, if you're gonna use a hyphen...")
    • The subtitles get cut off by the hit vocalization, but they go on just long enough to throw you off when they DO get interrupted. The actual content of them, however, is essentially a script of Raz's line before, during AND after being hit, complete with written "Got hit" vocalization.
    • Using Invisibilty when fighting the Eagle will get him to go "CA-...caw?!"
  • After beating the luchadors, you can find them all tending to flowers in an area. Raz will say something to the effect of "good to see you're channeling me kicking you ass into something constructive". In response, a luchador will just make a dismissive grunt.
  • The post-bullfight scene in Black Velvetopia, in which it becomes painfully obvious to Edgar what and who Dingo and Lampita really are. It also counts as a Moment of Awesome.
    Raz: Oh, please. Edgar, look at them! They're too pathetic to hurt you anymore! Can't you just let it go?
    Edgar: How embarrassing. I can't believe I was hung up so long over these losers!
    Lampita: (Drops Dingo at Edgar's death glare) I, I um... I always... loved you more?
    Edgar: (Smirks.)
    Lampita: (Instantly swallowed up by a pitfall in the middle of the arena.) Aaaaaaaaaa-
    [Pitfall closes as Raz and Edgar turn around, Edgar looks back, reopening it.]
    Lampita: -aaaaaaaaaaaahh! (thud)
    • Dingo's exaggerated slack-jawed expression and Lampita trying to fix it make it even funnier.
    • This conversation just before Part 2 of the boss fight:
    Raz: You can't let the junior varsity pep squad ruin your life!
    Dingo: (suddenly switching to American accent) Um, what's up with the "junior"?
    Lampita: Yeah, we were full-on varsity! (Scoffs)
  • All seems lost, and Sheegor insists that her pet tortoise, Mr. Pokeylope, will be able to fix things... And then Mr. Pokeylope, in a deep, smooth voice, comes up with a plan.
    • Just watch Raz's face throughout this little scene. Just... watch.
  • If you "use" the cake meant for Pokeylope on Lili before you put it beside his cage, you will get this beautiful gem.
    Raz: Hey, if I shoved this cake in your face right now, you wouldn't be able to do anything as revenge!
    Lili: Not right away, no. But a revenge that painful would take lots of planning, anyway.
  • Near the end, when the asylum becomes extra-flammable due to an entirely ridiculous series of events:
    Edgar: Oh no, I spilled all my turpentine and acetone!
  • "The milkman has completed his route.... you guys wanna split a cab?"
  • The final objective in the game is, quoted verbatim: KILL THE TWO-HEADED DAD MONSTER!
  • The real Augustus' line after blasting mental Augustus into the meat grinder:
    "I have a lot more hair than that!"
  • In the ending scene we're told Lili's father has been kidnapped. Cut to Oleander immediately pointing out that it wasn't him, he has an alibi.
  • When you're learning telekinesis, Cruller is remarkably patient if you pick him up.
    • In fact, all of Cruller's reactions to using your powers on him count.
  • Most players won't see it, but if you ask Ford for advice on dealing with the Eagle wrestler, this exchange happens:
    Raz: Two words: "Ca-caw."
    Ford: Well, I mean, that's really one word, isn't it?
    Raz: How are you spelling it?
    Ford: C-A-hyphen-C-A-W.
    Raz: Oh, well, if you're gonna use a hyphen, I mean...
    Ford: It's a hyphenated word. ONE hyphenated word. Like, erm..."half-wit."
    Raz: Look, are you—?
    Ford: Watch his shadow, and when you see him comin' down, turn on your shield for a real back-breaking landing!
    Raz: Back, hyphen, breaking. Two words.
  • When you ask for advice on the knife throwers in the Meat Circus:
    Ford: Ah, youth. I remember the first time I asked that very question...
  • When you ask for advice on the mutant bunnies:
    Raz: Hellish bunnies spewed forth from meat grinders? Ring a bell?
    Ford: At this point, I'd just say beat the heck out of them. Something like that shouldn't even exist!
  • In the Vault entitled "Milla's Adventures," apparently Sasha sported a curly mustache and giant turban while undercover on a mission with her. And he's about as deadpan as he always is, which makes it even funnier.
  • "Sasha's Second Sight" starts as a cute and heartwarming story of Sasha using his second sight (hence the title) to read his father's mind years after Sasha's Mother died... up until until one of the mental images shows her naked (granted, you don't see anything below her shoulders) and seemingly aroused. Young!Sasha's face just adds to it.
  • In the SMK Speedrun of Psychonauts, the developers of Psychonauts watch a speedrunner exploit their game. The entire video is a minefield of comedy due to the (sometimes agonized) reactions of the devs. A few moments that stick out are...
    • Tim beginning the video by asking if it's technically illegal to be breaking their game.
    • At one point during Basic Braining, the game crashes and as the speedrunner goes to close the crash window, one developer hastily calls out, "Wait, debug, debug!" With the implication that he wants him to fix the game-breaking bugs while the game's being played.
    • The simultaneous laughter and You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me! reactions when he proceeded to skip the other three quarters of Black Velvetopia by floating up to the portal after telling them "this is why you don't put loading zones until the correct trigger is met".
  • During the ending cutscene, sharp eyes will notice thanks to Dogen's design, he's incapable of clapping.

    Official Comics 
  • From a comic titled "True Psychic Tales: The Screeching Bore of Someplace", used to promote the game in a magazine:
    Sasha: This confirms my suspicions: We're trapped in the hideous fantasy of a hardcore mainstream gamer! We'll defeat them with science, using these magic guns I invented.
    Raz: Yay!
  • Scott Campbell's official comics for the game were lost during a site redesign, but can still be found online elsewhere. As also seen in the Vault Viewer commentary folder below, he's quite funny in his own right.
    • "Eating Outdoors."
      Coach Oleander: Corn tastes better in the outdoors, you guys think? Yes, especially during a battle when you're in a foxhole with the shells ripping the ground apart around you.
      Sasha Nein: Corn is corn. The molecular structure does not change when exposed to fresh air.
      Coach Oleander: I am about to challenge you to a psychic duel, Nein. How does that sound?
    • "PARTIES are so awesome."
      Milla Vodello: [standing outside with eyes closed, humming]
      Ranger Cruller: Miss Vodello, you having one o' them mind parties?
      Milla Vodello: Yes, darling. I'm preparing the classroom for the children.
      Ranger Cruller: Kids love pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.
      Milla Vodello: Yeah, we won't be playing that game I don't think.
      Ranger Cruller: Then the kids will miss out on a valuable lesson.
      Milla Vodello: What lesson?
      Ranger Cruller: Pinning. Also donkeys.
    • "at peace."
      Admiral Cruller: [standing on the dock, staring blankly out at the lake]
      Sasha Nein: Admiral? Stealing a moment next to the lake, eh? Before the kids arrive? Yes. Lake Oblongata is quite beautiful. But do not worry. Even with children bombarding its shores, it shall still be our lake.
      Admiral Cruller [still standing in the same position]: Zzzzzzz...
      Sasha Nein: Ah yes, I see. Sorry for disturbing you. [levitates away]

    Vault Viewer Commentary 
  • Though technically not part of the game, the commentary that was released alongside the Vault Viewer in September 2011 was full of CMoF. It might not explain a lot about Psychonauts in and of itself, but in a way, it tells us about the mind behind Psychonauts. Which explains almost everything in the gamenote .
    • In the intro of the commentary:
      Tim: Well, [Psychonauts] was made from 2000... zero. To 2005.
    • For example, "Oleander's Pride":
      Scott: That's a flag
      Tim: It's a flag for Country! [laughs] Cause we never said where this game is set.

      Tim: Is he stepping into a vanishing point?

      Tim: Now he's jumping out of an airplane, all guns a-blazing... I think those are guns. Or else he's carrying... sparklers.
      Scott: Heh... yeah, he's here for the fireworks show.

      Tim: ...but he's [Oleander] not a pin-up girl. He's king of the army. And the navy.

      Scott: That child is... he's in need to that box of crosses. Or math.
      Tim: A box of math.

      Tim: That's the nurse's body, not the coach's assless chaps.

      Scott: Go ahead and say it, bro, say what you think is going on there.
      Tim: I think- Maybe he has his thumb up his butt.
    • "Oleander's Shame":
      Tim: And there's that framed star... is that the president of Country?

      Tim: And why are those boats on the land?
      Scott: They've gotta park 'em somewhere.

    • "Sasha's First Loss":
      Tim: I think that's his hand, though. That's not a pile of mashed potatoes, that's his hand.
      Scott: Oh yeah it is!
      Tim: Who drew this?

      Scott: Oh, did you notice the lamp, dude?
      Tim: They should make a German western... note 
    • "Sasha's Second Sight":
      Tim: Why is Sasha wearing a beret in this one?
      Scott: It's perspective.
      Tim: You already used that one.
      Scott: It's foreshortening.
    • "Milla's Adventures":
      Tim: And then Sasha is uh... lifting some microfilm. Or is it a candy bar?
      Scott: Uh...

      Tim: And now Milla is dropping down Mission: Impossible style into a pit of seals.
      Scott: Dude, those are alligators, bro.
      Tim: Oh. I was misled by the fact that they look like seals.

      Tim: And she's not scared by the fact that the pedestal says 'No touch' (later) If the note had said 'Please don't touch' Milla probably would have listened to it, but instead is says 'No Touch."

      Tim: Milla looks happier here, happier than she ever looks in the game. Cause their clothes were blown off.
      Scott: I can paint those out.
      Tim: We'll fix it in post.
      Tim: I can't wait to see what happens after this sliiide!
      Scott: I think the fans would like to know, have they ever made out?
      Tim: I'm not gonna say! Spoilers. Someday we'll make a game about it. Sasha and Milla Kissing Game.
    • "Milla's Children":
      Scott: Goths probably love this.
    • "Razputin's Getaway":
      Scott: Razputin's Getaway!
      Tim: Now what is Razputin getting away from, here?

      Tim: That would be like.. a kind of boring psychic skill. The power of memory.
      Scott: I'm going to use memory on that!
    • Fan favorite, "The World Shall Taste My Eggs":
      Tim: The World Shall Taste My Eggs. This was... it kinda confused some people. Which I... don't know why.
      Scott: No wonder people were confused! I'm confused!

      Tim: It's actually getting air. That teacup is flying!

      Tim: Oh, I see what you're saying. It would contain your vomit if you threw up.
      Scott: That's the great thing about teacups.

      Tim: The coach's evil plan was to throw up on some skeletons. I don't know why Raz was so dead set on stopping him.

      Tim: Well I think we've explained this one really well. If there was any confusion before, now people will understand that this is about a cashew that barfs on skeletons from a teacup.
    • "Lungfish and Loboto":
      Scott: Yeah, that's a classic Frankenstein design.
      Tim: I don't think Frankenstein had sheet metal stapled to his head.

      Scott: I bet she has her own class!
      Tim: Yeah, like knitting or watching TV or... how to breathe air... actually, her skills aren't that in-demand.
    • "Lungfishopolis Under Siege!":
      Scott: [As Kochamara] Then one by one, come up and give me five!
      Tim: Noble, noble Kochamara.

      Tim: Is there such a thing as happy tyranny, Scott? That's, like, a discussion question for later. Pause this and discuss it among yourselves.
      Scott: Yeah, because they're using this as a text book, right?
    • "Boyd: Fired Again!":
      Scott: See? He's sitting on the moon.
      Tim: ...That's really unlikely.

      Scott: You get to apologize for him a lot, though.
    • "Boyd: Hired Again!"
      Tim: The coach is giving him some milk... really threateningly.
      Scott: I know, dude. Really threateningly.
      Tim: Boyd does not know what to make of it.

      Tim: He's drinking milk and he's drooling, 'cause he's being hypnotized by cookies with some sort of crazy hypnotic pattern on them.
      Scott: No, that's just a peanut butter cookie. That's the international sign for peanut butter cookie. ... It matches his eyes. He must have peanut butter eyes.
    • "Gloria’s Cruel Training":
      Scott: This orphanage is all about Flintstones plays.

      Scott: Maybe she’s jealous that she’s not getting whipped as much as the other kids.
      Tim: Yeah! She doesn’t get any of the whipping.

      Tim: She gets a good part, you can see in this next one, she gets the part of Rapunz- uh, Romeo and Juliet. She gets the Juliet part. Wait, what is this play about?
      Scott: It’s one of those Shakespeare ones with the dogs.
    • "Gloria’s Fallen Star":
      Scott: That one guy has a real creepy mustache. Not sure if I needed to mention that, but there it is.

      Tim: It’s like the logo for our company, but with bad hair!

      Scott: And she loses her nose when she’s angry.
      Tim: Don’t we all?
    • "Fred vs. Crispin":
      Tim: [as Crispin] I am at a baby asylum! There’s no crazy people my own age to talk to!

      Scott: What do you think is up with the little rabbit on Crispin’s back?
      Tim: I was wondering what that little rabbit was for!
    • "Fred vs. Napoleon":
      Tim: That would be a good movie – Napoleon with a time travel machine.

      Tim: I like this last picture that shows how happy he is now that he’s gone crazy.

    • "Edgar’s Lament":
      Tim: I think it’s obvious that she’s going for the glamour and clean-cutness of Mr. Butt-chin here.

      Tim: It’s like a combover, but for eyebrows.
    • "Edgar’s Love":
      Tim: He’s talking about all his hopes and dreams for life, which is, he wants to be some kind of Sasquatch imitator.

      Tim:[as Lana] Oh, I’ll put this snail shell on my head.
      Scott: Yeah, that’s a much better place for it.
    • "The Big Top":
      Tim: This is unique, in that Meat Circus had only one vault. Why is that? Were we getting tired by the end?

      Tim: And he’s in the middle of a meadow full of tiny, tiny, little vacation houses.
      Scott: And a bunch of fried eggs.

      Tim: He’s so mean, he’s like, “I’m going to pick this bunny up by its ears, and take it away from you, take it to my kidney bean store.”
      Tim: [as Little Oly] Ahh, I want to scream, but I’ve got this huge stick of butter in my mouth!


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