Funny / Property Damage

• Zelretch deliberately manipulates the Grail system due to boredom.
• Berserker's first action is to kill Illya's abusive grandfather with a chainsaw. Then, he kills the homunculi, the magi, the familiars, and then sets the place on fire, chanting at the top of his lungs. Illya immediately latches on to her new Servant, believing the crazy bastard to be "effing awesome."
• Kieri finds the current Lancer to be even stranger than the Rider, Archer, and Berserker of the previous war.
• This time around, Shirou notes that several odd things have been happening in his neighborhood:
  • Illya hopes that Khone will "allow her to keep Shirou's skull."
  • Sakura desperately tries to make up an excuse for Rider's presence and Shinji's disappearance.
• Shortly after Illya tries to have Berserker kill Shirou, Rin, Saber and Archer, things end up in a tense stand off. Then, Caster, Rider, and Assassin show up as well. As the age-old foes start trading insults and battle cries, Shirou fully believes that he is going to die, but then Lancer shows up to remind the other Servants that the Holy Grail War is supposed to be a secret. The Servants all leave in annoyance, giving each other parting insults and death glares.
  • Archer also bemoans the fact that One-Eyed Yarrik wasn't summoned.
• Rider misunderstands the relationship between Sakura and Shirou. Rider points out her attraction to her fellow Master, asks if Shirou is a slave, then assumes that Sakura wants to kill Shirou and take his place. When Sakura tries to convince Rider otherwise, Rider then assumes that Sakura is trying to take Shirou's place so she can turn him into her slave. Rider then cheefuly points out that humans can survive without skin, courtesy of Shinji.

• To speed things up, Archer challenges the other Servants on LIVE TELEVISION, much to Rin's annoyance. Archer points out that they couldn't fight because they were supposed to be discreet, and now that they are not discreet, they can fight to their heart's content.
  Rin: "I hate when things that don't make sense make sense."
  Archer: "I beat you with LOGIC!"
• Archer gushes over a red bike that belongs to Taiga.
  • Rin tries to show Archer that something painted red isn't necessarily faster than something painted another way by dropping a normal coin and one painted red. Cue the red one repeatedly falling three times faster, much to Rin's frustration. Even better, Archer appears to be doing this ON PURPOSE.

• When the battle between Saber and Berserker starts to go out of control, Kirei practically has to beg Shirou and Illya to rein in their destructive Servants, promising to give them replacement Command Seals afterwards. Kirei complains about explaining things to the Association, the property damage, and his desire for Mapo Tofu.
  • The resulting conversation between Shirou, Illya and Kirei is also a hoot. Kirei states that the best case scenario is that the Church and the Association will be too busy fighting each other to kill the hapless Masters and their overpowered Servants.
  • Saber sees Khorne as demonic monster. Illya sees Khorne as a true hero who likes kittens and acts as a benevolent father figure to little girls with dead fathers and abusive grandfathers.

• Avenger's continued Epic Fails.
  Avenger: "You wanted me to do something! I did!"
  Caster: "I wanted you to beat them, not to annihilate my HQ! Do you know how much time I spent in fortifying it? Now I am both Masterless and homeless!"
  Avenger: "If you had fortified it better, none of this would have happened."
  Caster: "And you know what is worse? How could you MISS? How could you miss a human girl, a giant Ork and a Necron with a weapon made for planets?"
  Khorne: "That is what I call one hell of a failed luck roll."
  Nurgle: I am pretty sure his luck score is so bad it's gone in the negatives...
• Lancer once wanted to add Orks to his collection, but changed his mind when he tried to add Bluddflagg, an Ork Freeboter, and the Ork not only ran away but stole all the hats in his collection.
  • That calms Archer when Lancer refuses to get in a fight with him to add him to his collection. He can understand how he feels, after that time he tried to keep a Bloodthirster as a pet.
• The Reveal of Caster's alignment as Lawful Evil.
• The Omake in which Shirou summons Nurgle the Plague Lord.
  Shirou: "I'm not a superhero, I'm a superzero."
• The Omake in which One-Eyed Yarrik actually does gets summoned, much to the delight of Archer.
• The Omake in which Sakura summons a different Rider: Ursarkar E. Creed. Courtesy of Zelretch tricking Tzeentch.
  Wait.
  What was that Titan doing there?
  Caster stared dumbly at his enemy, as a second giant mecha emerged from behind... Bushes
  [...]
  "I thought you said that was a scouting mission." Rider's Master pointed out shyly.
  "Yes. That is a scouting Titan." Creed shrugged.
  [...]
  At this moment, Caster realized a third Titan had popped out of nowhere, threatening the Sorcerer with a monstruous missile launcher.
  [...]
  Afterward, a roar of pure rage and spite echoed through the Warp, driving thousands insane and terrifying the rest.
  The roar of a tricked god.
  " ZELREEEETCH!