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Funny / Professor Arc

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Professor Arc

  • Ruby, of all people pranking Cinder after she plants an unwanted kiss on Jaune.
  • There is something vaguely amusing about Cinder imagining Jaune to be more epic and badass then he really is. As the story progresses, she engages in some really impressive mental gymnastics to make sense of Jaune's actions, eventually going into a full denial mode.
    Cinder: You planned all of this. Me framing you, the arrest, you being placed on Ironwood's ship. You fully intended to be stuck beside Roman, to sway him to your side. You're the one who deactivated Atlas' Paladins. You let me think I tricked you. You wanted to draw me out... to make me commit. You planned this from the start. You planned this, didn't you!?
    Jaune: Sure. Why not.
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  • In Chapter 18, Beacon's staff all celebrate Jaune getting one over on Winter and getting the Dust for the Vytal Festival by all getting mind-numbingly drunk, resulting in this gem as Jaune attempts to guide Glynda back to her room;
    With a short sigh he pushed open the staffroom door.
    "Chug – chug – chug!" Peter chanted, standing topless on a table as he held an industrial-sized kettle over the Headmaster, who was on his knees, his mouth below the spout. Bartholomew was cheering them both on, waving his tie around his head like some kind of bola.
    The door closed slowly.
  • Mercury explaining his stalking of Jaune as being a form of a homosexual crush on the guy. He's treated In-Universe as a hopeless romantic by all the girls.
  • Jaune's internal monologue's can be quite hilarious at times:
    (about Tsune) How had someone like that gotten a career in medicine, especially around children? Did no one do the required background che- o wait... yeah...

    (about Zwei) That bastard... Jaune's eye twitched, coincidentally the same one that had nearly been gouged out, as the three girls cooed and cuddled with the little monster, rubbing their hands all over it. He had nearly been killed! It was he, who deserved to have the belly ru- Okay, maybe his mind still hadn't caught up with the fact that he was still alive.

    If he had 50-50 chance of surviving Cinder, and perhaps a 50-50 chance of surviving Glynda (...), then Jaune felt fairly confident in saying that he had 100-0 chance of defeating Winter. No prizes awarded for figuring out on which side of the odds he stood.

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  • This story plays with the idea of Jaune's innate manliness as evident in the omake of chapter 36. An alternate take of his fight with Winter sees him taking her on himself rather than Neo disguised as Jaune, which for the most part starts pretty similarly, up until the part where he casts his shield aside.
    Winter: What are youuuuu- (trails off)
    ** Rather unsurprisingly, Jaune himself doesn't realise the implications of his 'strategy'.
    Now if only he could figure out why everyone looked so horrified. Or why Bran was laughing so hard.
  • Yang riling up Adam during their fight is extremely funny, not to mention pretty satisfying when contrasted against how the confrontation went in canon.
    Yang: You realise you're turning into the stereotypical jealous boyfriend here, right? First sign is seeing every male in her life as a potential affair. Last step is invading your ex's school with an army and trying to kill her. Actually, never mind. Looks like you've already got it down.
    Adam: Watch your mouth, human.
    Yang:And there you go again, always with the human thing. You know, if you want to insult me, you might want to use something actually considered insulting. Then again, I don't think bulls have ever been famed for their intelligence. Shouldn't you be off filling a burger?
    Adam: (attacks)
    Yang: Oops. Did I hit a nerve? Let me guess, you're more of a steak kind of guy?
    Adam: Rarghh! (swings wildly)
    Yang: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Oh wait, no. She has someone else's.
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  • Chapter 33's omake reveals the true source of Beacon's Coffee: the Fall Maiden.
    Jaune: You can't take advantage of a magical girl for coffee. Do you have any idea how irresponsible, how immoral, this is? It's just plain wrong!
    Ozpin: Another?
    Jaune: Please.

Professor Arc II

  • After deciding to use the Atlas battleship that was crashed into Beacon as a new dorm wing, Jaune replies to Ironwood's demands for it to be returned with, "Battleship? What battleship?"
  • In an omake in the sequel, Penny smuggles Weiss letters from her team via a storage compartment in her butt. While Weiss is retrieving them, Winter walks in and sees her sister apparently fisting another girl. Better yet, it is implied later that this scene was canon.
  • In another omake in the sequel, Jaune denies Winter's claims that the dorm wing is an Atlas battleship, even when she proves it's made of metal and one of its cannons go off. When she uses historic records to prove it's a battleship and not a building that's always been there, she finds that the records have all been hacked and there's photos of the "dorm wing" dating back twenty years. Winter tries to accuse Roman of hacking the records, only for Glynda to insist he is a respected member of Beacon and she will not stand to hear him slandered.
  • Glynda is utterly furious at Blake going over Jaune's head and inviting her team to the fundraised hosted by Jacques Schnee - not because of her sabotaging an extremely important event just to see Weiss (or at least not just because of that) but because she added Torchwick to the guest list.
    • Jaune and Glynda's Cool and Unusual Punishment for Team RBY, which consists of Glynda drilling them on upper-class etiquette by launching cutlery at them while quizzing them. Glynda adds to Blake's punishment, as the one who forged the invitation, by forcing her to be Torchwick's chaperone for the night.
    • When Blake argues against having to be Torchwicks' chaperone with the justification that he's a criminal, Jaune responds that so is she - not because of her White Fang past, but because going through other peoples' files and forging signatures is a crime.
  • Jaune decides to troll Winter by pretending she has feelings for him while talking to Jacques. Winter pays him back by playing along and upping the ante. It culminates with Jaune accusing Winter of being into handcuffs, resulting in Glynda doing a Spit Take and Ironwood choking on air.
  • Ruby is utterly dumbfounded at the idea of an eleven course meal and the idea of having a shot glass worth of soup for one. Whitley, having no idea why eleven courses is unusual or why someone would want fewer, flounders when trying to explain it.
  • In the omakes, Zwei and Neo are at war with each other. Zwei's first move is shooting her and Jaune's room with a cannon. Neo retaliates by filling his bed with flour and glitter.
  • When shoved into giving an on-the-spot speech, Jaune manages to sound like he's giving a normal speech about repairing Beacon, insult Winter and Ironwood three times, and make a reference to Ozpin's Resurrective Immortality without actually cueing anyone in. Whitley is in awe.
  • In admiration for Jaune getting Ironwood to punch him to force a public apology, Roman offers him a diamond encrusted gold watch. When Jaune remarks it's a woman's watch, Roman takes it back and reveals he stole several more, including Ironwood's.
  • Ever since the charity dinner, there's rumors flying around that Roman and Blake are dating, which has also resulted in several girls asking Yang out.
  • In Patch, Teams RWBY and CRDL run into Taiyang who asks if any of them are dating Yang. Blake realizes too late that all of Team CRDL stepped back and pointed at her.
  • The chapter 9 omake has Salem accidentally spying on Jaune and Neo while they having sex and they are doing something that causes both her and Cinder (who walks in a moment later) to tilt their heads.
  • When Jaune suggests contacting Raven for information, Qrow lists several reasons why it's a bad idea, each of which is dismissed until his last one, which is that Raven's "a twat".
  • Sienna Khan has a lot of trouble with people who want her to demand Blake's return as her "negotiations" with Beacon.
    Sienna: (Upon her office door opening) If you ask for anything about Blake, I swear I will throw this fucking desk at you!
    Guard: Who the hell is Blake?
    (Sienna tries to sit down but falls because she'd already thrown her chair at Kali)
    Guard: Long day?
    Sienna: Once upon a time I believed the White Fang existed because of a desire for equality, to fight the cruelty of the humans that have oppressed us. I had not realized we'd become the official Blake Belladonna Fan Club, or that our main purpose for invading Beacon was to get some pussy!
    Guard: Uh, literal or metaphorical?
    Sienna: BOTH!
  • In Chapter 12 Qrow (in crow form) goes to dive into Raven's tent only to splat into a pane of glass being held up by Raven who he says did it on purpose to which she says that she has no idea what he is talking about.
  • In Chapter 13, Jaune gets sick on a Bullhead and the smell is bad enough that Yang wonders if it's some sort of horrific Semblance.
  • From the same chapter, Jaune, Qrow, Neo, and Neo's Nevermore all get so drunk they pass out on top of each other in the middle of the street.
  • In Chapter 15, when Cinder "realizes" Jaune doesn't have enough information to put his strategic genius to use and that if she doesn't hurry, he'll "create a plan from which there is no escape", Jinn utters Jaune's Catchphrase.
    Jinn: Sure, why not?
  • Also in Chapter 15, Yang deliberately wastes the Relic of Knowledge's final question by asking if Jaune thinks she's hot.
  • In Chapter 16, after Cinder accidentally knocks herself out, Jinn cheekily states that it was clearly all Jaune's "master plan".
  • Upon arriving to pick up the captured Cinder Fall, Roman reveals he made a banner mocking her on the way there. When he realizes she's unconscious, he suggests they hang her upside down and take a picture like she's a fish they caught.
  • In the Chapter 18 omake, Jaune sticks Jinn, Ozpin, Cinder, and Sienna together on a team. Jinn endlessly trolls Cinder into trying to figure out Jaune's plan.
  • In Chapter 19, when Ozpin decides to go with Jaune's idea to enroll in Beacon as a student and refuses to take on any of his headmaster duties again, Jaune places him on Team RWBY, now Team ROBY, and Glynda makes sure to tell Ruby how shy "Oscar" is and that he'll need plenty of guidance in the coming weeks. Ozpin nearly suffers a nervous breakdown as he pleads to be put on literally any other team, and it is hysterical.
  • While imprisoned, Cinder thinks to herself that making prisoners eat with a spork is a cruelty beyond even Salem.
    • Jaune arranges for Cinder to be able to watch tv while imprisoned but she can't have a remote so she doesn't try to harm herself or others with it. As a result, she's stuck watching My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.
  • Yang, paranoid that Jinn might blame her for her teammates shenanigans, vocally washes her hands of it so Jinn knows and won't blame her for it.
  • When Jaune taunts the imprisoned Cinder, Ozpin tells him to let someone unbiased speak to her then promptly starts taunting Cinder himself. When called out on it, Ozpin points out that he never claimed to be unbaised.
  • When she awakens, Sienna is overjoyed to hear no one in Beacon is obsessed with Blake and going to nag her about capturing the girl.
  • After Oscar comes to him looking for training, Jaune offers to let him go through the same training he did. Oscar is initially eager and remarks that Neo "looks nice". The next morning Oscar can barely sit up under his own power and screams in horror when he sees the color pink.
  • When Winter and her forces arrive at Beacon, the Bullhead opens to show her already standing on the other side of the door. Rather than be impressed, everyone comments on how ridiculous it looks since it'd mean she spent the entire ride standing there rather than comfortably (and safely) seated.
  • Jaune and Winter's Snark-to-Snark Combat. And just when Team RWBY thinks Glynda is going to stop it, she instead joins in.
    Jaune: I'm surprised daddy-dearest let you out of Atlas.
    Winter: I do not answer to Jacques Schnee.
    Jaune: I was referring to Ironwood. ... Did I get it wrong? My apologies. I forgot Ironwood is just the one you wish you could call "daddy".
    Winter: Beacon. For a moment I forgot how asinine you can all be. Still using stolen equipment as a dormitory I see. You should get your affairs in order before criticizing ours.
    Jaune: Yeah, sorry about that. What with capturing Cinder, stopping an attack on Haven, dealing with the White Fang and holding off an incursion of Grimm in our Kingdom, we've been a little busy. Oh, but I'm sure Atlas has accomplished just as much in that time. I mean, with the world's largest military you guys must be on top of things.
    Glynda: Jaune. It is unbecoming to act in such a manner. After all, you shouldn't pick fights with those weaker than you.
  • Kali's second scene in the series amounts to giving all of Team RWBY The Glomp at once and telling all of them (and Jaune) to call her "Mom".
  • According to Kali, Blake embodies every cat stereotype, including sitting in boxes.
  • Cinder proves to be so delusional that she's convinced herself Jaune desires her and wants to rule the world together with her.
  • After Cinder's 180 in her attitude in general and towards Jaune in particular, Winter and Ironwood decide Jaune somehow sent her a coded message in the smut book that Winter provided her. Ironwood insists Winter get her book and read through it carefully to decipher the hidden message.
    • In the following chapter, Winter comes to the conclusion that the bondage themed smut amounts to Jaune playing on Cinder's intelligence and lust to convince her to submit to him and help him take control of Atlas: specifically translating the female protagonist having a "phallus hard as steel" placed in her hand to mean Cinder having "Iron wood" in her grasp.
    • It's later shown that Ironwood has assigned an entire team to crack the code in the newest book in the series.
  • After capturing Ilia with her own tent, Neo takes to hitting her repeatedly with her umbrella. But between the fact it's an umbrella and how thick the tent is, Jaune compares it to being beaten to death with a foam bat.
  • In chapter 36, Jaune asks Ozpin for advice on how to deal with Cinder. Ozpin suggests firing her out of a cannon and into the sun. Yes, he's still a little bitter about her killing him.
  • Ilia is interrogated by Blake expounding exactly how disappointed she is with the chameleon Faunus.
  • In the chapter 36 omake, Raven asks for Summer's help collecting her pay from her part time job. Summer learns the hard way that Raven is running a protection racket in Vale.
  • Chapter 56 has Ironwood have a breakdown over how much Jaune gained over his stay in Atlas, raving about how he made cucks of them all and how he could probably get Ironwood fired, forcing him to also collect a contract at Beacon as if Jaune was trying to get everyone influential into his employ.
  • While planning the midterms, Glynda says they need all the help they can get. When Willow offers to help, Glynda immediately hires her. She also gets Neo on board by offering to let her expose and humiliate anyone she catches cheating.
  • Chapter 59 sees a callback to chapter 36 from the preceding story, where Jaune's innate manliness is once again called upon during desperate times. Salem's approach is halted by Jaune's presence upon an elevated stage, and once Jaune gets going...
    Hazel: Ma'am, should I attack?
    Salem: Oh yesss. I-I mean no, don't attack. That's what they want you to do.
    Hazel: He's trying to distract us.
    Salem: Worry not Hazel, it is having no effect on me. The trousers! Take the trousers off! No effect whatsoever.
    • This time it seems to have worked too well...
    Qrow: Do we sneak in now?
    Glynda: Not yet. (bites her lip) Not yet...
  • Chapter 60 has Yang have a Bedmate Reveal with Jinn after the exams. After making sure that they didn't sleep together (Oscar would have watched), Jinn responds to Blake's despair over her parent's PDA by revealing that she was conceived during doggy style... which implies that they all already knew that since Jinn can't communicate unless everyone liable to understand already knows what she's going to say.
  • Chapter 66: Jaune is summoned to explain exactly how Salem's latest invasion was front of several important politicians, and several television cameras. Being no expert on Grimm, it seems as though there is nothing that sounds remotely plausible for Jaune to say this he brings in the one man who can tell the absolute truth and it would still sound completely unbelievable...Professor Port. Everyone, including the councilmen and everyone watching TV zone out because he's just so BORING.
    Bar patron, watching the live broadcast: Oh bloody hell! He's still alive? He's still teaching!? Gah. Get it off!
    2nd Bar patron: Peter Port. I still hear his voice in my nightmares, you know? How did I graduate?
  • During the siege on Vale, we get a glimpse into Salem's mind... and it immediately establishes her as a Foil to Jaune in a hilarious manner. They're both the respected leaders of their own factions and are seen as intimidating masterminds... when they're both barely proficient at combat, getting thrown into situations they don't want to be in because of a single trait that they often use when faced with hardship; Salem has her Grimm Army, and Jaune has his bluffing and cheap tricks. They're also both very aware of their weaknesses, and prefer to surround themselves with people who can do things for them to cover up their lack of skill.
    • Hilariously, this also puts Cinder and Ozma as foils, being the hilariously incomprehensible primary opponent they face, who presumes that every single thing they do is All According to Plan.
  • Jaune challenges Salem to a duel to buy more time, with her staying overnight at Beacon - or rather, Ozma Sucks Academy, as it has been officially renamed for the duration of the siege - if she loses, and her staying the night with Nicholas Arc if she wins. The winner wins through ring-out or the loser getting knocked out. Due to Salem's inhuman stamina, he can't knock her out, so Jaune does what any headmaster does when initiating someone into the academy - using the launch pads at the cliff to launch her into the Emerald Forest.
  • Chapter 82: To briefly summarize, everything. Jaune's plan to get Salem to spare humanity is to convince her they're too entertaining to kill. To that end, he holds a party where the general rule is "throw everything at the wall and see what sticks":
    • Oobleck's gift is books on almost every subject known to man, which Salem genuinely appreciates. Port follows it up with hours of movies and sitcoms, but with the endings and finales removed so that Salem would have to spare them to see how everything ends.
    • Roman and Neo's contribution is every drug they could get their hands on, with Roman defending himself by swearing that only most of them are Class-A.
    • Coco's idea, meanwhile, is to have every able man she could find perform a strip show for her - "every man" comes down to Taiyang, Qrow, and Clover. Naturally, Taiyang turns on the charm as normal, and Salem, Kali, and Willow all get incredibly into it while Glynda puts her head in her hands in shame.
  • Chapter 83:
    • Continuing his idea from last chapter, Jaune takes Salem to his room and introduces her to video games. She gets especially excited by the concept of RPGs.
    • Meanwhile, RWBY and Cinder finally discover where the Relic of Destruction is located, but before Cinder can turn on them, Blake gives her a letter from Jaune wherein he perfectly predicted her actions as always, convincing her to spare RWBY's lives. Later that night, Yang catches Blake burning somewhere around fifty identical letters filled with every possible action Cinder could've taken, including settling down as a farmer and attempting to kill Salem. Blake's only response is to say that Jaune truly predicted everything and then ask Yang to help her burn the rest.
  • Chapter 84: The opening scene is Salem, drunk off her ass, watching a stand up comedian talking about the dangers of meeting your potential, all while Hazel attempts to get her to pay attention. When she finally talks to him, she reveals that she's seeing four of him and calls one of them sus, leaving Hazel saddened that she's now discovered memes.