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Funny / ProJared

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Full Reviews

General

Two Worlds

  • The game's overarching evil energy is called "The Taint."
  • Jared riffing on the ridiculous voice acting. "Warri-YERS! HARRRHD ones!"
  • Jared's reaction to Gandohar saying about another character that "They call him Ho." has to be seen to be believed, the line's hilarious enough on it's own but his reaction to it really sells it.
  • Jared is a little too enthusiastic about the joke where the sword hits sound like bad Kung-Foley where he pretends to stab himself with the dagger. Joke's silly enough, only it's not pretend. As his commentary reveals, he actually ended up ruining his shirt and slashing himself with the dagger, enough to draw blood—this makes it equal parts suffering for one's art and the bladed equivalent of Reckless Gun Usage. It's funny because Jared's first reaction was apparently "That's weird, why am I feeling a breeze?" instead of anything painful.
  • Jared mocks the main character's captain obvious statements.
    Jared: Who does that? Who simply states whatever they're currently feeling out loud?
    [cut to Jared standing in front of his refrigerator with the freezer door open]
    Jared: Cold.
    [cut to Jared running his hands through his sink's water]
    Jared: Wet.
    [cut to Jared reading Maxim]
    Jared: Aroused.

Two Worlds II

  • A Running Gag in his review for Two Worlds II has Jared come up with different names for Cassara based on her rather... pronounced chest. Names like "Underboob", "Nips McHooter", and "Mammary McLovebuttons".
    Jared: Everyone escapes through teleports, and you meet their prophet, Cassara— breeeeeeeeeeeeasts.

Hydlide

Alone in the Dark (360)

  • "Oh my God, THERE'S NO WORLD HERE— oh, there we go."

Dragon Ball Z Sagas

  • Jared is disappointed that he can't play as any other characters right off the bat:
    "Goku is dumb."
  • After a lengthy rant about the camera, he takes a breath before talking about the combat:
    "Okay... The combat. It's boring and it's dumb."
  • Finding out that Broly is playable:
    "Oh, hey Krillin. What's up? (starts beating up Krillin) BAM! BAM! BAM! You're dead!"

Pocky & Rocky

  • Jared starts his review with a shot of him staring intently at the screen as he plays. He is wordlessly joined by PeanutButterGamer, also staring intently as they play. After a third cut, the silence is abruptly broken when Peeb startles Jared.
    PBG: [after ten seconds of silence] We're playing Pocky and—
    Jared: JESUS! [Smash Cut to Jared's opening song]
  • When discussing how the characters have actions to deflect bullets, with Pocky waving a wand and Rocky wagging his tail, which PBG calls a booty shake.
    PBG: Sexy.

Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest

  • The running gag with the main character's shrugging animation, which Jared thinks looks like an Italian used car salesman trying to make a sale.
    Jared: Ehhh, come on.
  • In regards to one of the bosses:
    Jared: Now I've heard of the headless horseman, but the headless horseman and the headless horse? ... How do they know where they're going?
  • One of the moments in the game has a road made of a rainbow appear for the heroes to cross.
    Jared: (completely deadpan) Mario Kart joke.

Super Hydlide

  • Jared trying to use the Sega games item in Super Hydlide. What do they do? IT'S A JOOOOKE!

Virtual Hydlide

  • His early reviews start with Jared playing a game, with shots of gameplay, and then saying "I'm playing [X]", with his tone foreshadowing his opinion of the game. In "Virtual Hydlide", he is collapsed back against the bookshelf in horror and only manages to let out a pained groan before the opening.
  • Similar to his review for Hydlide, he gives the same speech about the dragon "hibdjvbudjdeba-ing" and the princess exploding into fairies before coming to the realization that it's a remake of the original Hydlide.
  • "BEEEES!! AAAAHAHAAH!! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod RRAALGHGH... Jim/Portly Guy the Knight, killed by bees."
  • The Dark Sword that takes away...POINTS.
  • You know how Hydlide was accused of being a Zelda ripoff? Virtual Hydlide has a Master Sword.
  • Him showing a montage of his many deaths throughout his playthrough is funny enough as it is. Him setting said death montage to the Star power-up theme from Super Mario World makes it that much better.
  • Jared's interpretation of the vampire's last words.
    Vampire: Yes, that's enigmatic. Are you he? You're a pimp! (?)
  • The Freeze-Frame Bonus near the end of the review, showing the scoreholders of the game:

SimAnt

  • His advice for being a breeder ant:
    Jared: Basically, don't play as a breeder ant, it sucks. What's the point if you can't even breed? It doesn't matter if you see a cute lady ant and you're all like "Ayyy girl, whassup, d'you wanna fuck?"
  • Jared discovers that ants are a close relative of-
    Jared: BEEEEEEES!!!
  • At the end of the review, Jared reads a section of the game's ant glossary that encourages the player to go outside and observe ants. Jared does just that. And by that, we mean that he goes out and sprays the ground with bug spray and aims a magnifying glass at the ants.
    Jared: DIE, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, DIIIIIIIIE!!!

King's Knight

  • In his review, Jared can't stop saying how much he hates Toby whenever he brings the character up.
    • One of his recorded video clips of him playing/dying in Toby's stage is named ROT IN HELL TOBY.
  • He complains that the power-ups aren't very indicative of what they're supposed to do. The speed-up boots in particular don't have much effect unless the player collects three of them.
    Jared: They're not speed boots. They're just... normal boots. [goofy grin] Heh.
  • At one point, he dies in the final stage with a full party. It then cuts to him with a sour expression on his face while the game over jingle plays, followed by him wordlessly attaching a Game Genie to the cartridge and then saying "I don't care."
  • His final remarks about the game:
    Jared: We all know the story: Squaresoft was going bankrupt, so they created Final Fantasy as their last effort to be successful in the video game industry. And they were going bankrupt because they kept releasing crap like this. [whimsically tosses game cartridge, which then clatters loudly] Ow, my knee.
    • It's worth mentioning that this last line is said in the most deadpan way possible, which adds extra credit to the already funny part.

Super Bonk

Sonic Adventure 2

  • In his review, he's fighting the first boss, when he remembers (after previously praising the opening stage):
    Jared: This game sucks.
  • He notes the sexual tension between Knuckles and Rouge, anxiously asking, "They're gonna bang, right?" after the two split during the Hero's Story. Later on, during the game's credits...
    Rouge: Anyway, I've got something better than jewels that I'm thinking about right now.
    Jared: Yep! They're gonna bang. Enjoy, Rouge!
    [Jared puts on a poker face as a caption reading "Echidnas have four penises" appears.]

Tamagotchi

  • For his review, he does an experiment where he cares for one of his Tamagotchi normally, overfeeds one of his Tamagotchi, and completely neglects the last one. What does he name the one he neglects? PBG.
    PBG, in the comments: I knew. Somehow, I knew.
    • On top of that, PBG wasn't the first to die!
  • The game briefly glitching out just as PBG dies, changing his name to "PBG um".
  • JumJum, the sole surviving Tamagotchi, ends up evolving into Nyorotchi - one of the worst possible characters that vaguely resembles a wriggling sperm. Then Jared accidentally sends him to space.
    Jared: I shot a sperm into space!
  • Prior to becoming a sperm, JumJum was a white blob with little round hands and feet.
    Jared: Oh. He's a Kirby!
  • In the beauty contest, JumJum makes the same pose he makes when pooping.
    Jared: Oh, that's weird, JumJum! That didn't make you win!
  • Flashing the toilet.

Mega Man X7

  • While reviewing the game, he puts down the game for including old enemies from the first "Mega Man X" game to play on gamers' nostalgia. To illustrate this, he holds up a "Mega Man X" cartridge in front of the CD case for "Mega Man X7" and makes them dance.
    Jared: (sexy voice) Hey there baaaaby! Don't I look SEX-EEE? You wanna come over and plaaay? [drops the "Mega Man X" cartridge, revealing "Mega Man X7"] AAAAGH-I GOTCHA!!!
  • The silly whiny tone of voice and music Jared uses whenever X's Technical Pacifist tendencies comes off as Wangst, particularly given how said tendencies is the in-story justification as to why X is not playable from the start in his own game.
    Jared: And X is all like "MEH VIOLENCE..."
  • His Reaction to X's Legs armor in X7, which gives a slow as hell gliding ability instead of something cool like airdashing or flight.
    Jared: [tosses controller in rage] FUCK IT! If they gave up, so do I!
  • It's rare for an annotation asking to like/subscribe to be funny, but Jared manages well.
    "X, inside this capsule, you will find the Like button. Totes click it, dawg." ~Dr. Light
  • Jared pointing out how how telegraphed the plot twist is.

Chrono Trigger

Oscar

  • At the beginning of the review, the first line Jared says:
    Jared: WHAT... the F**K?!
  • The fact that he spends the entire review of Oscar lying down on his back, as the experience was so traumatic for him.
  • "It's cool though, guys. I got the CHECKPOINT ELEPHANT". It makes as much sense in context.
  • One of the game's sound effects causes Jared to spit up a bunch of water while having a small seizure.
  • At the beginning of a level, Oscar shouts something incomprehensible and leaves Jared confused.
    Jared: Excuse me?
    [the sound effect repeats]
    Uhhh...
    • And after Jared beats a level.
    Oscar: Exit!
    Jared: [looking annoyed] What'd you just say to me?
    Oscar: Exit! [EHHGG SZIT]

Donkey Kong Country Cartoon

High Seas Trader

  • "....aaaaand mutiny."
  • Jared figures out the fastest way to make money is to sell copious amounts of Opium.
    Jared: Oh my God, I've become a drug lord! ... Nice.
  • His "The Little Pirate Ship That Could" bit.
  • When his helmsman repeatedly runs the ship into rocks, Jared wonders why he isn't getting kicked off the ship. Cut to the mutiny screen with PeanutButterGamer's face pasted on top of the captain.
    • Cue PBG responding in the comments that he'd also mutiny a helmsman like that. Even if it's himself.
  • At the very end:
    Jared: Hey Liverpool... SUCK IT! [fires cannon]

Ride to Hell: Retribution

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within

  • The thumbnail for his review has him grimacing at the camera instead of his usual smile.
  • Pointing out that Hein is obviously the villain. "He wears all black, has evil eyebrows, and is voiced by James Woods...who I'm convinced is actually evil in real life."
  • Jared's reaction to the big "twist" that the Phantoms they've been fighting aren't invaders, but are actually ghosts of a previous planet, despite Phantoms essentially being another word for ghosts:
    Aki: They're not an invading army. They're ghosts.
    Jared: [incredulously] ...Well duh! Nobody realized this?! The phantoms we've been fighting are actually ghosts? They're the same thing! That'd be like if I said- "that's not an eagle, that's a bird!" They're the same thing!
  • Near the end, when Aki tries to convince Hein that the Phantoms aren't really evil and Hein shows his skepticism, Jared flips out.
    Hein: Oh, I see... and what have we been fighting all this time, Doctor? Ghosts?
    Jared: (beat) ... No f**king shit!
    Hein: Doctor, even if I believed in such nonsense...
    Jared: [angrily shaking the camera] YOU'VE LITERALLY BEEN CALLING THEM PHANTOMS THE ENTIRE TIIIIIIIIIMMEEE!!!
    Hein: Ghosts?
  • His complete and utter confusion at the ending of the film, summed up with one word.
    Jared: (a look of complete dumbfoundedness on his face) ......WHAT?!?!

Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero

  • Much like his Spirits Within review, the thumbnail for his review for this game has him glare angrily at the camera.
  • "It's familiar gameplay with a new twist and why can't I turn around? Why can't I turn around?! This monk is gonna mess me up, why can't I turn around?!"
  • Jared talks about how much fun he's having on the first level - until he encounters a VERY cheap death.
    Jared: ... And this entire first level, I was kinda enjoying myself! I beat up some monks, climbed around the stage, did combos and s-
    [Sub-Zero gets attacked by a sword-wielding monk, the recoil sends him into a crushing deathtrap]
    Jared: ... THAT'S FINE! [grips the controller harder in anger]
  • "WHERE ARE MY DANK WEEDS?"
  • Sub-Zero after Quan Chi steals the Amulet of Shinnok from him. "...and that makes Sub-Zero SAD." Complete with Sub-Zero slumping and turning away, literally looking sad.
  • Shinnok's speaking debut in a Mortal Kombat game...where he sounds like "your grandpa offering you something from his candy dish."
    • And the alternate version of that scene with Spectre!Scorpion. "I am a dead man, but somehow you have retained your mortality, which would mean you are VULNERABLE to DEATH."
  • Sub-Zero's plan to escape from the Prison of Souls is that...he just does. As in walks through a door which is closed but not locked for some reason. Good plan, Sub-Zero.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

Kid Klown in Crazy Chase

Final Fantasy I

  • In his review of Final Fantasy he starts describing the plot, then awkwardly admits he has no idea how to work in his usual Running Gag of comparing generic fantasy plots to Final Fantasy's.
  • Jared decides to bring along his friends for the adventure by naming the party after them. Unfortunately, the character names are limited to four characters. His solution? Shorten the names to Inherently Funny Words! Jerd, Peeb, and Joof. Ian's name stays the same, though.
  • When discussing the main theme of Final Fantasy, Jared emphasizes that it's so good, so memorable, and so indicative of the series that it appears in every single mainline entry after the original. Except II. And X. And XIII.
    Jared: Y'know what, nevermind.
  • Jared makes the point that having four white mages in your party is a bad idea, and shows a screen of four white mages as a visual gag. Their names? "SUB", "SCR", "IBE", and "PLZ".

Final Fantasy II

  • Jared does not hide how much this game irritates him. At all.
  • One of the best strategies for playing through the game is literally beating the shit out of yourself. Cue Jared doing just that.
    Jared: [punching himself] Ooohoho, THIS IS HELPING!
    • ... and then reality bites back.
    Jared: [holding his cheek in pain] Aaaagh... Why didn't I just fake it?
  • A much maligned feature of the game is several trap rooms that have high encounter rates, no treasure, and plant you in the dead center. Jared likens it to a birthday in which every present is empty because "HAHA, THAT'S SO FUNNY, DAD."

Final Fantasy III

  • The birthing scene in his Final Fantasy III review.
  • Jared's praise for the game's dungeon design and lack of grinding ends when his party gets curb-stomped by Zande.
    Jared: I was wrooooonnng.

Dungeons and Dragons

  • Jared's reaction to the Acrobat class being integral to the main character party in the show.
    Jared: Well, we've already got a thief, so maybe you can balance the party out by being a cleric, or maybe a druid, or something like a monk could be cool- Wait! Acrobat! That's the best class!
  • After finishing the intro to the D&D cartoon, we see Jared throw his D&D books in the trash.
    Jared: I'm throwing away my D&D books. Clearly, I don't need them; as the intro to this cartoon has taught me everything I need to know about Dungeons and Dragons.
  • Jared finds the characters' goal of leaving the D&D world to go back to the real world unbelievable.
    Jared: I want to live here... [slowly slides his hand off the D&D handbook]
  • Jared can't tell whether or not Dungeonmaster is the nicest DM ever, or the cruelest DM ever, citing that in the first episode, the protagonists end up against Tiamat within the first two minutes.
    Jared: Tiamat, what?! [falls off of his seat] Aren't they level one?! And three of them suck?!
  • During one of the episodes of the series, Jared notices an upskirt shot of Sheila and in another episode, one of the character's breasts pop out.
    Jared: Did I just see a boob?! That was some straight-up titty-nipple! Between this and Sheila's underwear, and there's definitely a part where Hank got a handful of Diana's butt, I didn't realize that this campaign was gonna be using so much material from the Book of Erotic Fantasy! (beat) Do not look that up.
  • In the closing segment, Jared wonders why the cartoon was considered as the most violent cartoon at the time.
    Jared: I don't really see how this was considered to be the most violent cartoon show on television at the time. Everything that I saw was pretty tame and- OH MY GOD! HIS FACE IS MELTING OFF! [cue Hank's face slowly melting off]

Final Fantasy IV

Final Fantasy V

  • Jared opens the video by explaining the confusing-as-hell release order of the original six Final Fantasy games in the US.
    Jared: There WILL be a test at the end.
  • The game starts standard enough. Introduce the main characters, they're all chilling out-
    Jared: JESUS CHRIST, A GODDAMN METEOR HITS THE PLANET!!
  • The cartridge he uses for the game has an outdated translation. Therefore, the main character, whose canonical name is Bartz, is named... Butz. He simply says that he doesn't want the video to be filled with butt jokes, as it's been done to death. And then he asks the audience not to be an ass about it.
  • "Gee, an epic RPG in which you have to collect- oh, SHIT!"
  • Jared's hysterical laughter at Ex-Death disguising himself as a splinter and fighting a turtle. Yeah.
  • The Running Gag of Jared trying, and failing, to play the piano in the game.
    • But then, at the end, he proudly states that he's mastered the piano! He plays the first few notes of Megalovania.

Final Fantasy VI

Final Fantasy VII

  • Jared opens the video by speaking to his copy of Final Fantasy Tactics (yes, actually talking to it) about how, one, he is not going to be covering it in his Final Fantasy review series due to it not being a mainline game, and two, because he is worried about it being unsecure online. Thus, the segue to the sponsorship for the episode.
  • Jared notes how Final Fantasy VII was the first game to be released worldwide as its actual numbered entry in the Final Fantasy series. So there would no longer be any confusing roman numerals-
    Jared: Oh, come on.
  • When discussing Aerith's death, Jared prefaces it by asking if he even needs to warn about spoilers, considering it's perhaps the most spoiled part of the game, if not the entire series, as everyone knows of it, before just saying "Screw it, spoiler warning."
  • Jared asks why, if the game itself is so fun and so well made... are there so. Many. FUCKING. MINIGAMES?!
  • Jared gives a bit of trivia. Namely, how Sephiroth used to be voiced by a member of N Sync. He even gives a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer.note 
  • At the end of the video, Jared states how he's grateful for Final Fantasy VII, for not for VII, we would not have gotten all of the other amazing Final Fantasy games. Nor would we have gotten Jared's least favorite one.
    Jared: Aw, y'know what, you MOTHERFU-

Marble Madness

  • The thumbnail has Jared with a ton of marbles in his mouth, several of which are falling out.
  • Jared realizes that, despite practically everyone owning marbles growing up, nobody actually knows how to play with them.
  • During the sponsorship for the episode, Jared looks for music that isn't the soundtrack for Marble Madness. He types into the search bar, "literally any other soundtrack that isn't marble madness".
    • He also listens to an affirmative podcast.
      Podcast: It's not you. It's the controls. Some of those levels are bullshit.

Eternal Darkness

Final Fantasy VIII

Final Fantasy IX

  • Jared, due to it releasing on a last-gen system after the next entry had already been announced, likens Final Fantasy IX to the forgotten middle child.
    Jared: Oh, no, Final Fantasy IX is me...!

Final Fantasy X

  • Jared points out how Tidus's name is never said, at all, throughout the whole game so players could still name him whatever they want. As such, most fans pronounced his canonical name "Tye-dis"... Only for it to eventually be confirmed that it's actually pronounced "Tee-dis". Jared sticks with the canonical pronunciation, but not before calling him "Titties" once for good measure.
  • Jared is bothered by the use of the fade-in cuts that dot the cutscenes, not because it's overused, but for its weird inconsistency. He then utilizes that same cut-in style in review in random places.
  • When he talks about how distracting certain camera angles are, particularly when it focuses on their breasts and asses, he suddenly breaks into song:
    Jared: Ass, Tidus, ass, ass, Tidus, Tidus, ass, Tidus.
  • In defense of the voice acting, Jared points out how the actual acting is usually really good. If anything, it's the directing and editing that's strange.
    Tidus: I wanted to see Yuna's statue, too. But I wanted to see it... WithYunabymyside.
    Jared: What the hell?

Spider-Man & X-Men in Arcade's Revenge

  • Jared opens up with how it was exciting to be a kid in the 90's with both X-Men: The Animated Series and Spider-Man: The Animated Series on TV. Mesh that up and you get the game, which Jared screams happily... and it turns into a scream of agony as he revealed who made the game: LJN.
    Jared: YeeeaaaaaaAAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!
  • Bringing up the incredibly awkward kick that Cyclops does, which looks more like he's reclining in a chair. He then goes on to say if you add a gaming computer set-up, it would be his pose when doing ProJared Plays.
  • His baffled reaction to Wolverine's stage.note 
  • During Gambit's second stage:
    "Why does the Queen card look like it wants to suck me off?! Does the King card look at me the same way? [notices that the King card has a perverted expression] Yup."

Final Fantasy XII

  • While setting the context for Final Fantasy XII, he opens the case to reveal...not the disc to the game, but a DVD for A New Hope.
  • After a very thoughtful review of the game, he come to one definitive conclusion: Balthier is hot.

The Bouncer

  • The video opens with Jared seemingly Laughing Mad at the game's dodgy quality. The end of the review reveals that, no the game didn't drive him mad. He's reveling in the ironic entertainment he got from it.
  • His views on Sion? He calls him every possible way to describe him as "bootleg Sora", and never by his proper name.

Final Fantasy XIV

  • He gives a well-thought review of the game that ends on a high note... which would've been a good spot to end the video if he didn't discuss the dismal 1.0 version. He turns to the camera, holding up his copy of the Legacy version with a huge shit-eating grin on his face, then it cuts to in-game footage backed with a Stylistic Suck soundtrack.
  • After giving a one-hour breakdown of the game while sidestepping all the heavy spoilers, he ends the video with the "Critically Acclaimed MMORPG" copypasta, a long-running meme among the playerbase.

Top Tens

  • Jared's thoughts on Day One: Garry's Incident in his Top 10 Worst Games of 2013
    Jared: [to the tune of "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves] Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One Garry's Incident is really really bad. Day One: Garry's Incident is really really bad. And I want to kill myself.
  • From his "Top 5 Games of 2015", he praises Final Fantasy XIV as the game he had the most enjoyment with that year, putting it at Number 1. Before quickly saying that he lied and that it's Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate. It's much like his One Minute Review of Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate, except only about 10 seconds long.
  • In "Top Ten WORST Things Final Fantasy Has Done", the number 3 spot (King's Knight being integrated into the Final Fantasy XV universe) takes the cake.
    Jared: WHY? WHY?! WWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?????
    • The end of the video is pretty heartwarming but then quickly switches to more desperate Tactics begging.

One-Minute and Extended Thoughts Reviews

  • At the start of his Extended Thoughts video for Aliens: Colonial Marines, Jared holds up the game's case and then flings it to the side without a word.
  • His One Minute Review of SimCity, all seventeen seconds of it.
    Jared: [trying to log in] Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! [game load glitches] Ah, what the hell?! [resumes logging in] Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit! Work... Dammit!" [finally logs in] Ah, there we go. [game fails to load] F*** it, I'm going to bed.
  • His one minute review of Sonic Boom which has him wearily singing the Sonic SatAM theme.
    Jared: (slurred and over footage of Sonic's jog-like speed and the game's many many glitches] Blue streak, speeds by. Sonic the Hedgehog. Too fast, for the naked eye. Ssssssssonic the Hedgehog. Sanic, he can really move. Sanic, he's got an attitude. Dankey Kang, he's the fastest thing alive. He's the fastest thing Ali-ahveugh. He's the fastest thing, alighiavehhave! It has bounce pads. 2/10!
  • His review of the remake of Final Fantasy VII The start of the video looks like a bleak beginning to the game review...until after the first minute, where it cuts to the bootleg NES Demake and start ripping into it for the wrong reasons, such as the "poor immersion" and "too much reading" in satire to general gaming journalism practices. This is all capped off with giving it a 7.7/10 in spite of complaining for the whole review. Happy April Fool's Day!
  • The very first thing Jared does for his One Minute Review on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows is let out a noise of disgust.

    D&December 

    Conventions and Assorted Videos 
Magfest 12 - These Guys Are Sick
  • You'll never take my octopus powers, Megaman!
    • You'll never take my seal powers, Megaman!

    ProJared Plays 
  • MONEY.
    • To a lesser degree, BULLETS.
  • In the Links Awakening remake one of Jared's runninggags is being addicted to the crane game. He brings Marin there, where she somehow gets the crane to grab the game owner. Upon saying "You must be a pro" Jared stares at the camera smugly for like 10 seconds, then is heartbroken immediately after when he says "Beat it. Pros aren't allowed in here."
  • In Resident Evil 7 his shotgun is called "Diplomacy" and is loaded with "aggressive conversations"
    • Also his desire to kill grandma is funny.
    • The fact that his aim sucks, to the point that he misses three times at point blank range at one point.
    • Jared has a "Mighty Thrust!"
    • At one point he sees Eveline and says
      Jared: Hey little girl, let me come help you. Just a second. [loads gun]. Okay, let me come help.
  • Five Nights at Freddy's:
    Jared: This man has been talking for two hours.
  • He plays "Mighty No. 9" for all of two episodes, trying to give it a fair shake and not dogpile on it like other reviewers. The game is so glitchy it starts bugging up his video game capture and he (originally) had to end the Let's Play then and there.
    • "...in all 52 states." "That's right, fifty-two states! We finally took Canada!"
    • In Episode 3, at one point he gets stuck on a stalemate with a Sniper Joe-like enemy who refuses to shoot him even when he's right in front of him.
      • While dealing with wind currents, Jared questions when was the last time a stage with pushing winds was any fun. He then immediately answers his own question with Shovel Knight. Particularly amusing since Shovel Knight is the archetypical example of the right way to make a Kickstarter-funded game.
      • Also, there's the part where he uses the dash mechanic underwater to just dash past all the obstacles on the ground floor.
      • When he first uses the DLC power he got (a cube that levitates by itself and shoots with a thoroughly underwhelming sound), he says "this is a DLC power attack that I got. It's about as exciting as you can see here."
      • One of the bosses he faces has ice powers, and makes several terrible ice puns. Jared accidentally makes an ice pun of his own, then immediately cringes when he realizes it.
        Jared: I hate that that just happened.
    • Episode 4 has him dying so much on Mighty No. 4's stage, causing him to make some hilarious expressions as it happens.
    • Episode 5 has him playing as Call. The thumbnail and title (Oh God No) alone should be enough to tell you where this is going.
    • In the finale, he starts explaining the game isn't really as bad as people say it is, and that the worst it is is okay... He's then interrupted by Mega Ran's rap, and has an annoyed, disgusted look on his face.
    • He's also incredibly offended that the game ends with just showing some random concept art before the credits. "Those three images cost four million dollars."
    • One tiny thing in general is his utter "meh" version of "bang" he utters sometimes when he's shooting or using a power that shoots.
  • In his recent playthrough of "Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist", he tries to capture the "feel" of the original show - which equals terrible puns (almost "ghost of a chance" level worthy) and reminding everyone to believe in the "Heart of the Cards"
    • His voiceover for characters also leads to hilarious situations, especially when he says something that anime character certainly doesn't (like Joey calling Mai out).
  • Zelda: Link to the Past Randomized (a hack where every treasure location is scrambled before the game starts): In Part 2, Jared buys the Bottle from the salesman in Kakariko Village... which is changed to 100 rupees. The Bottle costs 100 rupees. His head drops.
    • Jared slowly grows more and more disgusted with how many rupees he's getting.
    • The looks of hopelessness, as he gets deeper into the game and continues to find rupees, arrows and bombs in every chest and hiding place is both hilarious and sad.
    • Any time Jared opens a chest in a dungeon in hopes to get a new item, only to get a compass.
      • It gets to the point that anytime a red rupee appears, he edits in an image of a 20 dollar bill on top of the rupee. Likewise, whenever he gets 10 arrows, an MLG airhorn plays.
      • In fact, the 10-Arrow gag is now his most popular running joke on his streams and playthroughs of A Link to the Past randomized that fans have even resorted to "10-Arrow counters" in addition to death counts.
      • This joke has gone so far that during his Metroid-Zelda Randomized playthrough, fans began to consider the Missile Expansions, which add 5 to Samus' maximum missile capacity, another 10-Arrow gag. Keep in mind that the maximum missile capacity is 250 in Super Metroid, meaning there's 50 Missile Expansions to find...
    • Since the ROM is in Japanese, he replaces most of the dialogue post recording with jokes.
  • Any time in the Legend of Zelda Randomizer when the randomization messes with his expectations. For instance:
    • Walking into what is normally the first dungeon and discovering it to be a random "pay me for the door repair charge" cave.
    • Spending the better part of an hour trying to beat Gleeok in dungeon 3, only for it to drop the almost-useless map instead of the Triforce piece.
    • Finally defeating Ganon and celebrating his victory only to belatedly realize that he still has to actually find Zelda.
    • Another moment that nearly gives him an aneurysm is when he finds the hint telling you to talk to the old man (who possesses the Magical Sword) at the grave. Where does he find this hint? The grave where the old man used to be.
      Jared: [drops controller after reading hint] You ARE the old man!
  • In part 1 of his Final Fantasy playthrough, as Jared explains about the game's various classes, he says that due to a bug, the Thief class, which normally excels at fleeing from battles, has no special abilities whatsoever compared to the other classes. Jared decides for this very reason that the Thief will be based off of himself.
    • While training at the 'Peninsula of Power', Jared encounters a Tyrannosaurus rex. He states that it's literally too much for him to beat... while attempting to beat it anyway.
      Jared: What am I doing? (beat) I want to kill a dinosaur, that's what. (Joof uses an ICE spell) Hit him with the Ice Age, Joof!
    • While fighting Astos:
      Jared: Now, with FAST on, Peeb's gonna hit for a lot-
      (Astos uses the RUB spell on Peeb for instant death)
      [beat]
      Jared: [high-pitched scream]
    • His various video thumbnails beg comparisons to 8-Bit Theater while also being hilarious—for instance, video #17, "Insta-Death" has Peeb and Joof (Fighter and Black Mage respectively) fleeing for their lives in a panic from an Evil Eye.
  • Part 1 of his Super Mario RPG playthrough is done in a Stylistic Suck style complete with a lengthy introduction, recording the gameplay with a camera, and using an emulator without fullscreening the gameplay.
    • A Freeze-Frame Bonus also reveals what else Jared has on his emulator. It's Hentai.
    • He makes liberal use of the emulator's fast-forwarding feature, using it first to skip all of the dialogue (which is half the point of playing an RPG in the first place, let alone one that's meant to be largely comedic) and then using it while trying to button-mash his way through combat without paying any attention to his HP. When he gets a Game Over and returns to the title screen, he concludes that the game must have glitched out.
  • Jared taking on Mario in Mario Go Fish...as a drinking game. His slow descent into drunken madness is worth every second of his quite visible pain. Especially each point where Mario decides to sweep him of his cards seemingly out of nowhere.
  • Jared plays the new Bubsy game where he notices that Bubsy isn't as talkative as he used to be...so he goes to the menu and find out that the base setting for Bubsy's audio is set to 50% (meaning he only gives a one-liner every so often). He then maxes out the setting, what's 100% called? Bubsy.
    Jared: ...hit me with the Bubsy
    (precisely one one-liner later)
    Jared: (dramatic zoom in to Jared's face) I've made a huge mistake.
    • Just the fact that he finishes the game in less than 2 hours. Sure, he doesn't get 100% completion, but he turns around and immediately says that, despite the fact that he's finished it, he's going to refund it on Steam, because it absolutely wasn't worth the purchase price.
  • In part one of Doki Doki Literature Club!, Jared manages to steal the game's jokes a surprisingly large number of times, from Natsuki's stock Tsundere "b-baka" lines to the quip about the school having a napping club. Culminating in the point where he gets to the CG in which the player tries to button up Sayori's blazer, remarking that her "boobles" have gotten too big for it, only to throw his hands up and laugh when Sayori says the same thing.
    • "Is this a porn game? They keep bringing up boobs. Am I going to see any?"
    • By the finale, Jared hasn't made a joke in quite a while after the game's turn towards metafictional horror... until Yuri's psychotic love confession, of all places. The sheer Mood Whiplash after two or three hours of grim seriousness makes the small joke go from silly to hilarious.
      Yuri: I love you so much that I even touch myself with the pen I stole from you.
      Jared: .............. Nice.
      Yuri: I just want to pull your skin open and crawl inside of you.
      Jared: And you always make it immediately weird!
  • From his Detroit: Become Human playthrough: "Take The Shot".
  • On the tail-end of his playthrough of House Flipper, Jared's about to end his job while taking the bare minimum payment when his in-game character starts moving his hand up and down while holding something cylindrical. Jared then starts going on a frenzy all around the house while Ms. Editor watches on in horror.
  • His constant belittling of Nolan, one of his first and hard-workingnote  employees, in his Game Dev Tycoon play-through. The jokes at Nolan's expense ultimately culminate into Jared firing him at the end of the final episode, before turning to the camera with a deranged smile. Ms. Editor is in utter shock by this turn of events, rewinding time so the video can end just before Nolan's final moments.
    Jared: Thanks for the forty years of dedicated work!
  • Four episodes into his Zelda II: The Adventure of Link Randomizer let's play and Jared has yet to complete a single castle due to needing the Handy Glove item to progress. So you can imagine his utter happiness when he does finally stumble upon it...
    Jared: Oh, this is the cave that normally has... magic. Instead, it's the GLOVE! [laughs like a feral monkey]
  • Jared's playthrough of "The earth is a better person than me" gets hilarious when the game turns into tree erotica, and Jared, Miss Editor and likely the audience are all baffled of what Jared is playing/reading. And naturally, the comment section wants a whole series of Jared reading strange erotic stories.
  • Jared's playthrough of the "Link to the Past/Super Metroid Randomizer" starts off with him getting little of use in the Super Metroid half of the game, so he heads over to Link to the Past to start exploring. The first chest available is the one in Link's house...
    Jared: Okay, so... my house, one treasure. [opens chest] 10 arrow-
    Jared: [shakes his head and tosses his headset down onto the desk before walking offscreen and screaming]
  • During the first part of his Twitch playthrough of Final Fantasy VII, when he reaches the Shinra building, Jared opts to take the stairs instead of storming the entrance and battling his way through the lift sequence. His reaction to Tifa telling Barret "Would you stop acting like a retard and climb!?" must be seen to be believed.
    Jared: Damn, now we gotta cancel Tifa!
  • In a oneshot of an NES game for the game show Remote Control, Jared gets a question about famous singers. More specifically, a question asking for the name of the singer of the infamous song "Never Gonna Give You Up".
    Jared: I just got Rickrolled! On an NES game! FROM OVER 30 YEARS AGO!

    Nuzlocke Series 
Fire Red
  • The shorts cult.
    • When a member of the cult kills Beatrice:
      Jared: I should've worn shorts!

Pokemon Y

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