- "I... am the prophet. I... am the chosen o--" *BOOM*
- Open Your Ass And Holes To Jesus
- Repent For He Is Cumming
- Cassidy has a lot of moments in his introduction alone:
- He advises those he is talking to to learn how to say "ass hamster" in Spanish so they can get medical help from a Tijuana hospital faster.
- Cassidy's eye roll when he No Sells a vampire hunter's attempt to burn him with holy water.Cassidy: When will you eejits learn, eh? [proceeds to rip guy's neck out with his teeth]
- Preparing to jump out of a plane rapidly falling apart, Cassidy grabs a bottle of blood, some shades, and an umbrella. One would almost assume that he was going to use that umbrella as a parachute.
- The next time we see Cassidy, he's lying in a crater, 90% liquified, his umbrella ruined, and beckoning a cow to get closer so he can eat it.
- Emily giving an oblivious Jesse hints about her interest in him.Emily: I'm completely available. Not completely like a... Yeah, I'm available.
Jesse: [continues to drink juice whilst staring off into space]
- "Tom Cruise explodes."
- Sheriff Root referring to Cassidy as Jesse's "weirdo friend."Cassidy: What'd I do!?
- Jesse, with Cassidy as his cellmate, laments how he has done a terrible job as a preacher:Jesse: Drinkin', fightin', swearin'. I can't even afford to fix the damn air-conditionin'.
Cassidy: Sounds like the first verse of the worst country song ever written, mate.
- The very dark "open your heart" scene.
2 - See
- Tulip continually fucks with Jesse, including ripping out the steering wheel of his truck and hanging it on a street light.Tulip: What happened, Preacher? Jesus take your wheel?
- "You broke a man's arm, made him make a bunny sound, you bleedin' hypocrite!"
- Cassidy casually admits that he's a vampire, but also that he likes Chinese food and thinks The Big Lebowski is overrated.
- DeBlanc and Fiore try to extract Genesis from Jesse's body using a crank organ, a folk song, and a tin can.
- When that doesn't work, DeBlanc brings out Plan B: a chainsaw.
- Pretty much every interaction between Cassidy and the agents. He gleefully insults, threatens, and then beats them to death before using a chainsaw to carve up their bodies. All of this is done while he's grinning and hopping around like a lunatic. And Jesse is unconscious the whole time like a Damsel in Distress.Cassidy: Like I said, Padre. Noooo trouble.
- The chainsaw, which still has Fiore's arm attached to it, very slowly buzzes towards Jesse's prone body. Once Cassidy notices this little issue, he promptly freaks out and chases it across the bloody floor. It's as ridiculous as it sounds.
- After a day of taking suggestions outside the local grocery store, Jesse returns to find the church sign changed again.Jesus free with store purchase
3 -The Possibilities
- Donnie is now forever known as the guy who made the bunny noise amongst the kids of Annville.
- Jesse trying out his Compelling Voice on Cassidy.
- When Jesse commands Cassidy to tell him a secret:
- And it all cultivates in Jesse commanding Cassidy to fly (read: take a running leap into the wall).
- The sign is once again changed:Jesus is coming... RUN!
- DeBlanc and Fiore get an epic Lock-and-Load Montage and prepare to storm the church, armed to the teeth. They make it two steps before being run over by Cassidy in a van.
- Tom Cruise's funeral procession is shown on TV.
- Fiore appears to be distraught over the actor's death.
4 - Monster Swamp
- The air conditioning is still broken.
- Cassidy asks for a reward from Fiore and DeBlanc for bringing Jesse to them. When the two fail to come up with a sufficient trade, Cassidy simply takes their wallet. Not their money, their wallet.
- The two also refer to the coffee can they use as Genesis' "domicile".
- When they ask Cassidy when he'll bring Jesse to them:
- Fiore gets hungry and goes to get a burger from Big As Texas Burger. He goes to the front desk and gets told that the motel doesn't have room service, but they have a vending machine. Cut to Fiore awkwardly staring at said vending machine.
- Tulip's reaction to Lacy's wake.
- "EAT SHIT, CLYDE!" *knocks Cassidy out the window*
- As he pretends to die of blood loss, Cassidy steals a kiss from a panicking Tulip.
5 - South Will Rise Again
- Tulip breaks into Emily's house to interrogate her over Jesse's whereabouts, while Emily is on the toilet no less, and Emily's first response is to emit a Loud Gulp.
- There is something darkly hilarious about how Quinncannon treats killing the other company associates. He acts as if is just a business meeting, complete with offering them cognac and waiting for their permission to start.
- Tulip tries to freak out Jesse's parishioners by detailing to them the time that Jesse shot a Komodo Dragon because a Jamaican buyer was looking at her ass.Jesse: They were gonna eat that dragon anyways...
Tulip: You don't know that.
Jesse: They were setting up a barbecue spit!
- DeBlanc spends most of the episode trying to psyche up Fiore to answer the phone call from their superiors. Near the end of the episode, as he picks it up, they hang up.Fiore: There was a slight-
DeBlanc: A massive security breach-
Fiore: A slight... massive security breach-
DeBlanc: Just massive-
Fiore: A just massive security breach.
6 - Sundowner
- The Seraphim's arrival at the motel:*Knock at the door*
Fiore: Probably just the towels.
*Fiore looks through the peephole*
Fiore: ... It's not.
[The Seraphim shoots Fiore in the head through the door]
- The brawl in the Sundowner Motel room that apparently lasts for an hour, with the bodies of the angels stacking up to knee-deep. The fight passes right through the show's credits as well.
- Fiore gets a fist to the crotch followed by a punch in the face.Fiore: My tenders...!
- And then, just as they're starting to get the Seraphim restrained, Cassidy shows up and shoots her through the head to start it all up again.Cassidy: You boys throw a party and didn't invite me?
*Fiore, DeBlanc and Jesse give Cassidy a Death Glare*
Cassidy: Oh, you're welcome, y'know?
- When the Seraphim resurrects, Cassidy says, "Bloody clones!"
- This little gem at the end of it, too:Cassidy: [surrounded by a dozen or more battered and bloodied corpses] Hey, y'know what this reminds me of?
Jesse: Shut up, Cassidy.
Cassidy: Right, fair enough...
- This little gem at the end of it, too:
- The church sign changed again.You Don't Have To Go Home But You Can't Pray Here...
7 - He Gone
- In the flashback, it's revealed that Tulip bit off young Donnie's nipple.
- Tulip's crappy childhood in a nutshell:John: Where's your mom?
John: Where's your uncle?
- Tulip's crappy childhood in a nutshell:
- Pedro the Prairie Dog is seen again walking his dog... in full costume.
- Cassidy's idea of a conversation starter? Ramming a fire extinguisher into Jesse's face.Cassidy: So, how's it going?
Jesse: Well... I got a bloody nose.
8 - El Valero
- Miles, continuing to attempt to woo Emily, tries to take care of her kids by checking if their milk had expired. Emily angrily blows him off when she discovers that Jesse had apparently sold the church to Quincannon. In response, Miles then pours her kids the spoiled milk. Later he tells her, "By the way, you're out of milk."
- Quincannon motivating his men by offering them a food court, believing that he's just invented the concept. Amazingly, it works so well that Clyde charges into Jesse's gunfire chanting, "Food court! Food court! Food court!"
- Clyde gets his penis shot off and, in shock, can only admire the marksmanship. Clyde rather casually mentions that Jesse had shot his penis off. He then shows it to his friends as if he found a stray, saying, "Look at the little guy." The pain catches up to him after a few scenes, when he's seen screaming in agony. One of the prostitutes puts his penis in a tiny cooler and dumps it on his bloody crotch.
- The siege on the church somehow becomes the site of a barbecue.
- The entire siege on the church is considered this. Especially when Odin is forming an attack strategy and he's nonchalantly telling anyone with blunt objects to be on the front line because they're human shields for the ones carrying firearms.Quincannon: Those of y'all with bludgeoning instruments... I'm talking your, uh, your bats, your hammers, your wrenches, your clubs, billy and otherwise... you're gonna be on the front line. Now, I don't want you to feel like you're human shields, but let's not mince words. You are human, and you're gonna be acting as shields of a sort.
- After Genesis is caught again, Fiore tells Genesis that it is a bad boy, like a dog that had just pissed the carpet.
9 - Finish The Song
- The travel agent's idea of a bribe? Asking Fiore to have sex with her.
DeBlanc: Serial Killer.Fiore: Architect.
- When she asks the two of them for occupations to put down on their paperwork, they answer simultaneously:
- There's something darkly hilarious about how calm Emily is when talking with Jesse after feeding Miles to Cassidy.
- Equally funny is that, at that moment, she's letting some rabbits that were originally meant for Cassidy out of a cage to roam free.
10 - Call and Response
- Right at the start of the episode, a radio is announcing that Jesse is still being sought by the police. He then runs across the screen, firing off a quick hello to a woman he runs past, as police cars chase after him.
- Jesse finding a double-headed fist-dildo from a bank's safe deposit box in a flashback and tries to introduce it to Tulip.Jesse: C'mon, it's like Lady And The Tramp with our butts!
- When Tulip is calling out Jesse's plan to call up God as stupid, she describes him as a "bearded white guy":Jesse: We don't know he's white.Tulip: He better be, or he's got even more explaining to do!Jesse: So God's a racist now?
- While The Reveal is indeed shocking, it's still funny to realize that "God" is actually facetiming with the All Saints Congregational Church.
- Not to mention the cheesy obvious green screen that Heaven appears as.
- Clyde asking God to grow his penis back. God responds by laughing His ass off.
- When Jesse asks "God" who he really is, we get a priceless conversation:Jesse: You're an impostor.God: I am the Lord! Your God!Jesse: You're not God!God: ... Yes I AM! (Jesus!)
- Chief Red Savage and Pedro the Prairie Dog meet again. Later, they seem to have finally come to terms with each other... by committing suicide together.
- A scene near the end revisits the Running Gag about Tom Cruise's death, revealing that his ashes are being shot into space.
- In the final scene, Cassidy is still trying to convince everyone that The Big Lebowski is an awful film.Tulip: Who here likes The Big Lebowski'?(diner patrons all cheer)Cassidy: Idjits.
- All of the Cold Opening, with Jesse humorously using his Word Of God to evade getting arrested by the law. He gets one cop to recite The Yellow Rose of Texas, orders the chief to mace his own balls, and lastly, having two cops hold their hands. Jesse would have gone on with the mischief if the Saint of Killers didn't show up. Oh, and Cassidy tries his best not to get burnt by sunlight.
- "We're looking for God."
- The Amazing Ganesh commercial and The Un-Reveal of the man's face, though Cassidy seems to know who it is judging by his own reaction.
2 - Mumbai Sky Tower
- The Saint attempts to shoot Jesse but instead hits a passing truck driver. Said driver-less car proceeds to swerve and smash The Saint into a lightpole. Cue hilarious Beat as Jesse stands there flummoxed.
- A random man with a missing arm almost gets the Trio caught by the Saint when he starts to complain. The complaining is not because his arm is gone but because he got ginger ale instead of root beer from the vending machine.
- After the Trio escape, the man asks the Saint if he has any quarters. The Saint responds by smashing the man's head into the vending machine, triggering an avalanche of quarters.
- After the first encounter with the Saint, Cassidy is convinced that he's either a Terminator or a Nazghul. And when he says he saw someone on television who might be able to help (namely Fiore), Jesse warns him not to say Gandalf.
- Jesse and Cassidy admitting they can't remember which angel was Fiore and which was DeBlanc, echoing confusion by many viewers in the first season.
- For some Black Comedy, the montage of a depressed Fiore repeatedly killing himself and regenerating.
- After Fiore refuses to help the Trio, Cassidy tells Jesse he has a plan to get the information they need, and that he only needs 2 hours and 45 minutes to work. We later see that Cassidy's plan involves a truly unholy amount of drugs, and after accidentally killing Fiore once with a heroin overdose, the two embark on a Binge Montage for the ages.
3 - Damsels
- While the whole opening scene is played for dark laughs, Eugene's hapless attempts to cover up Tracy's suicide attempt (including scooping the brains back into the exit wound and trying to hide it by putting a hat on her face) may be the darkest Black Comedy the show's deployed so far.
- Jesse's first attempt to find God in a New Orleans jazz club leads to some kind of bizarre sex show involving a man dressed up as an anthropomorphic dog, weirding out the whole group. Although Cassidy offers to pay for the show, if only to see what the show is.
- Making this all the worse, eight episodes later, it's revealed that this is actually God.
- Cassidy takes Tulip to stay with his "old friend" Denis... who clearly can't stand Cassidy, judging by the angry French rant he gives upon them showing up at his place.Cassidy: You speak French?Tulip: No.Cassidy: Yeah, we didn't get any of that, Denis.
- Part of Denis's rant also accuses Tulip of being a prostitute that Cassidy picked up.
4 - Viktor
- There's an extended scene involving an infomercial about Hurricane Katrina victims... or so it appears, until Frankie Muniz, of all people, makes an appearance and reveals everyone involved in the commercial was an actor.
- The entire scene between Jesse, Cassidy, and the casting agent.
- One of Viktor's henchmen learns about Jesse's power and plays music on his phone during their fight to make himself immune from the Word. What song does he play to protect himself? "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel.
- While it's ominous that the Saint has made his way to New Orleans, there's no denying seeing him slowly walking in a bike lane, in full 1800s regalia (including a sword), is hilarious.
5 - Dallas
- When Cassidy goes to Viktor's to try and talk Jesse down from killing him, he comes across one of the goons Jesse used the Word on an episode earlier, frozen in place. Cass goes over to investigate and gives him a little shove, and the goon falls flat onto his side. Cass even stifles a laugh before heading upstairs.
- In one flashback, Tulip and Jesse's friend Danni is over for dinner, and is less than pleased with Tulip's cooking.Danni: I can't eat any of this.Tulip: Is it a Jewish thing?Danni: No, it's a human thing. It's disgusting.
6 - Sokosha
- Tulip listening to a book-on-tape series titled "American Psychopaths" to learn about the Saint. The kicker comes when his tape ends.Narrator: Chapter 58: Dick Cheney
7 - Pig
- Herr Starr has no sense of humor, but a lot of his antics when trying out for a position in the Grail are pretty funny:
- Chewing out the president of the Grail for not validating parking.
- Passing the hand-to-hand combat test by masturbating while in a chokehold, then using the distraction to kick his attacker in the groin and beat him unconscious. Then he walks out of the frame and comes back with a golf club to finish him off.
- Not even bothering with the seduction test and just threatening to kill the informant and her family. It works.
- While getting electrocuted in the testicles with a car battery for a torture test, Herr Starr can barely restrain his delight, while the other finalists scream their lungs out.
- Likewise with the final marksmanship test, in which he just shoots his fellow applicant.
- That the entirety of this is done to the tune of "Blood on the Risers" just makes it all the better.
- After visiting every jazz club in New Orleans and not finding God, the trio blow off steam by visiting the bar Cassidy mentioned where you pay to get shot and conning them. They crank their personalities Up to Eleven (especially Jesse, playing the stereotypical do-gooder preacher), have Cassidy be the ringer, and, once the regulars clear out after they think they've really killed him, rob them blind and drink all their liquor.
- After a long night of heavy drinking, Cassidy ends up in the morgue. (Don't worry, he's fine.)Cassidy: [from inside one of the drawers] Ah, bollocks. Not again.
- Also, apparently after New Orleans started its "two-cart system" (with one cart labeled "Dead" and the other labeled "Drunk"), Cassidy is not the first person to have ended up in the wrong place.
8 - Holes
- The second half of Eugene's experience in the Extrapolater doesn't cross the line twice so much as do a merry jig over it. To elaborate: the Extrapolater shows the damned a version of their worst memory where things might go right, before snatching it away. In Eugene's case, Tracy is receptive to Eugene revealing his feelings for her, but she then reveals that she's already taken by God. Enter Jesse, who was apparently in the adjacent bathroom the whole time. He and Tracy start making out, to Eugene's increasing rage, and Eugene ends up shooting himself while Tracy gives Jesse a handjob. But not before Jesse says this:Jesse: I told you I was gonna come for you, Eugene, and I'm coming right now!Eugene shoots himself
9 - Puzzle Piece
- Throughout the episode, Hoover is tasked with hiring a group of prostitutes for Starr so he can fulfill a rape fantasy. One problem: he accidentally hires male prostitutes, which leads to Starr being the victim. To his credit, Starr reacts to this about as much as he does anything else and even manages to have an epiphany in the process.
- Not once, but twice, Grail operatives are distracted by a pop-up ad asking if they like cats. It even makes a little "meow!" sound effect every time they try to click it away.
- Featherstone has to redirect B.R.A.D. so it doesn't strike the apartment Jesse is staying in. Where does she send it to? Harry Connick, Jr.'s house.
10 - Dirty Little Secret
- The opening, featuring the ridiculously inventive humping of two strangers. One of whom is revealed to be Jesus Christ.
- Jesse meeting the descendant of Jesus. He is properly awed, bows in respect and admiration... and is summarily pissed on by an inbred moron.
- Herr Starr brings Jesse into a meeting with the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury. The scene is tense and dramatic, as the Archbishop explains how God is on the run after a coup in Heaven... and then the Pope snorts out "Give me a break". He then shares his own theory, about how God has abandoned Earth for a new creation, which will be inhabited by a species of 10-foot tall beings with "the prowess of the lion, the flight of the eagle, and a honey badger's sense of smell".Archbishop: A honey badger? Do you hear yourself?
11 - Backdoors
- When Hitler first tries to get the inmates' attention, nobody takes him seriously. Tyler asks him why they should listen to him. He then takes a deep breath and shouts BECAUSE I'M ADOLF. FUCKING. HITLER!!!!! on top of his lungs. Everybody immediately shuts up and looks absolutely aghast.
13 - The End of the Road
1 - Angelville
- "Is that your grandma? Holy shite, she's unattractive, isn't sh-'' WACK
- T.C.'s only reaction to Jesse shooting at some jars in an attempt to intimidate Marie into resurrecting Tulip is "Lil Jesse, that's my swamp consommé."
- Purgatory, as we see it from Tulip's perspective, is a cliché family sitcom about her childhood, complete with canned studio audience reactions.
- Part of the resurrection process involves getting a list of things Tulip likes to "help her spirit back to the land of the living." This list includes guns, booze, Dragonforce, Boo Berry cereal, and Necco Wafers.
- Right before Tulip is brought back from the dead, the child version of her suddenly takes on the voice of Superintendent Mannering, saying "I'm a re-enactor, I work here."
5 - The Coffin
- Herr Starr is called upon by the Allfather to provide a demonstration of the Messiah's talents. Humperdoo's only talent, it turns out, is soft-shoe tap dancing, leading to Starr, Featherstone, and a whole host of operatives watching aghast as Hoover and Humperdoo put on a show for the Allfather. This makes him a literal "Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ!" Much to Starr's horror, this performance actually convinces the Allfather to move forward on the Apocalypse.
9 - Schwanzkopf
- Allfather's reaction to being told that Starr is working against him. "Then he shall know my buttocks..."
10 - The Light Above
- Satan keenly nodding along with Eugene's attempt to reach out to him, giving him the time of day to finish his heartfelt speech with the background music all happy and eye-opening. Just as Satan has an "epiphany"...*POW*