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Funny / Planes, Trains and Automobiles

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  • Neal's passive-aggressive tirade against a rental car agent, after he finally reaches his Rage Breaking Point and begins unloading two days worth of anger on her, making sure to include every conceivable variation of the word "fuck" at every opportunity (this, by the way, is the only reason the film has an R rating). Upon telling her that he threw his receipt away, she gives him the single most appropriate two-word response: "You're fucked."
  • The exchange in the car after Neal is "helped up" by the irate cab dispatcher:
    Del: "You have any idea how glad I am I didn't kill you?"
    Neal: *helium voice* "Do you have any idea how glad I'd be if you had?"
  • Del's choice of reading fare at La Guardia Airport: "The Canadian Mounted." The sexy woman in a provocative pose on the cover gives a good indication of the book's content.
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  • John Candy's delivery of "What is your problem? You insensitive asshole!"
  • After being forced to share a bed, Neal and Del wake up in a position that no two straight men should ever find themselves waking up in. (They both were simultaneously dreaming about being back home with their wives). There's a reason the special edition DVD is called The "Those Aren't Pillows" Edition. After being grossed out for a few seconds, the two puff their chests out and start chit-chatting about football in deep voices.
  • The scene where the duo's car ends up running the gauntlet between two oncoming semi-trucks at freeway speed in the middle of the night. What really sells it is the ridiculous Wild Take the duo share, from turning into googly-eyed skeletons to Neal seeing Del as a Big Red Devil, complete with facial hair and pitchfork, laughing manically at him. By the end of it, Neal's fingers are embedded in the dashboard, while Del has managed to bend the steering wheel.
    • And following that, the scene where the car catches fire, which they're laughing about, and the dialogue between Neal and Del about Neal's credit card:
    Neal: How could you rent the thing anyway without a credit card? You couldn't! How could you do it?
    Del: Oh I gave this gal behind the counter a set of shower curtain rings. (laughs)
    Neal: (stops laughing immediately) You can't rent a car with shower curtain rings, Del.
    Del: (stops laughing) Well, uh, somehow your Diners Club card wound up in my wallet and I just...
    Neal: You STOLE it!
    Del: Not exactly.
    Neal: You stole it! I knew you stole it! You stole the card! And then you rented a car! And then you BURNED IT UP!!! I knew you stole it.
    Del: No I didn't! I found it in my wallet! I thought maybe you put it there.
    Del: Kindness?
    Neal: KINDNESS?! KINDNESS?! You STOLE it! He STOLE it!
    Del: No, I didn't! No, I didn't! I was gonna send it back to you! With whatever the rental car charge was, plus interest! But you didn't give me your address. What was I supposed to do? You just ditched me! I had no money, I had no cards, I had nothing!
    Neal: (grabs Del) Give it back!
    Del: I can't!
    Neal: (begins shaking him) Why not?!
    Del: Because!
    Neal: (shakes him some more) Because why?!
    Del: Because when we stopped to gas up, I put the card back in your wallet.
    (Neal's wallet is in the glove compartment in the now burning car. He and Del turn and look at it, before Neal groans and slumps against Del)
    Del: Are you mad at me? (Neal slugs him in the gut and trips over his trunk)
    • And in the next scene, Del is telling Neal how a punch in the stomach like that could've killed him ("That's how Houdini died!"), only to be met with Neal's epic dagger-shooting glare.
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  • This exchange, following the above burning:
    State Trooper: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
    Del: Well, funnily enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to say with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.
    State Trooper: Seventy-eight miles an hour.
    Del: (whistles) Seventy-eight, huh? Well, yeah, I could buy that. Sure, I guess, y'know, uh... you would know better than us, especially since we've got a melted speedometer.
    State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
    Del: Yes, I do. Yes, I really do, I believe that. I know it's not pretty to look at, but it'll get you where you want to do.
    State Trooper: Now, you got no outside mirror.
    Del: No, we lost that.
    State Trooper: You have no functioning gauges.
    Del: No, not a one. (beat) However, the radio still works. Funny at that may seem, with all this mess, that the radio is the only thing that's really working good, and it's clear as a bell, don't ask me how. (chuckles nervously)
  • The Mess Around.
    • The underlying irony that for all the ridiculous and reckless driving Del does during that scene, the things that actually endanger their trip only happen afterwards and are complete accidents.
  • Del and Neal trying to get the rental car out of the snow at the inn, with disastrous results.
    Del: Push!
    Neal: I am! I am!
    Del: Push for Christ's sakes!
    Neal: [giving up]
    Del: Maybe we're gonna have to rock it... Okay. Reverse!
    [Del rams the car into the entire inn wall]
    Neal: Aww.
    Del: Huh.
    • The fact that they still put the turn signal on, complete with a hand turn signal, during their getaway. And of course, they put it on in the wrong direction.
  • Neal realizing how he knows Del, with a recreation of his reaction in the cab, but with the airport still in the background.
  • Neal's contribution to the bus sing-along is "Three Coins in a Fountain." Everyone on the bus gives him a glare that just screams, "Really, dude?!"
    • Even funnier when Del starts with the lower brow but much more accessible "Flintstones Theme."
      • This even adds a touch of Fridge Brilliance. Neal is uptight and stuffy with his music pick, whereas Del reads the audience well and picks something much more fun and easy.
  • Del and Neal driving down the road in an utterly wrecked, twisted burned-out hulk of a car, merrily singing "Blue Moon of Kentucky" as other drivers gawk in stunned surprise.
  • Neil being forces to dry himself off after his shower with a teeny tiny washcloth after Del uses up all the towels.


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