- Ragetti's reaction to seeing the Black Pearl return:
Ragetti: [stuttering] Boat.
- The fact that Barbossa, on the other hand, just looks bored - he's known Jack for so long now that nothing surprises him anymore.
- Also, Jack's reactions to each of his friends and foes showing up to rescue him. All of it.
Jack: Mister Gibbs!
Gibbs: Aye, Cap'n?
Jack: I thought so. I expect you're able to account for your actions, then.
Jack: There has been a perpetual and virulent lack of discipline upon my vessel. Why? Why is that, sir?!
Gibbs: Sir, you're...you're in Davy Jones's Locker, Cap'n.
Barbossa: Jack Sparrow.
Jack: [Walks to Barbossa] Ah, Hector! It's been too long! ...Hasn't it?
Barbossa: Aye. Isle de Muerta, remember? You shot me.
Jack: [Mulls it over] No, I didn't. [Walks over to Tia]
Tia Dalma! Out n' about, eh? You add an agreeable sense of macabre to any delirium.
Tia Dalma: [Gives an awkward, confused smile.]
Will: He thinks we're a hallucination.
Jack: [Turns to Will and walks to him] William, tell me something - have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressing damsel? Or rather, damsel in distress? Either one.
- Jack struggling to match up to Barbossa's 'telescope'. Made so much better by the looks Barbossa gives him in the two scenes.
- This little exchange as all the pirates at the meeting give up their "Pieces of Eight".
- One that you won't notice unless you watch closesly: when the meeting is over, Ragetti, who collected the Pieces of Eight, attempts to hide the plate of them under his jacket as he leaves.
- "NOBODY MOVE!... I dropped me brain."
- Heck, any time we have multiple Jacks on screen at once is a hoot.
- In the Locker, when the Pearl is crewed by an army of Jacks, one of them sits next to a goat, getting slowly closer to it, with a lecherous grin. Cue the goat giving an Aside Glance.
- Also the wedding.
[in the middle of the massive battle]
Will: Elizabeth! Will you marry me?
Elizabeth: [parries sword] I don't think now is the best time!
- Then, when Will tells Elizabeth he wants her and asks her what she wants, she says "Barbossa!" and Will just looks terribly confused.
Elizabeth: Barbossa! Marry us!
Barbossa: I'M A LITTLE BUSY AT THE MOMENT!
- However, he is persuaded:
Barbossa: Fine then! (Summoning up his best attempt at being a "kind-hearted" preacher) Dearly beloved, we be gathered here today— [gets attacked and starts kicking ass] —TO NAIL YER GIZZARDS TO THE MAST, YE POXY CUR!
- Followed immediately by...
Barbossa: [is too busy kicking ass for the 'I do's]
Will: Do you, Elizabeth Swann, take me to be your husband?
Elizabeth: [cheerily] I do!
Will: [with a relieved face] Great!
[interrupted by a Dutchman crewman banzai-charging into them]
Elizabeth: Will Turner, do you take me... [sword] to be your wife...
[they switch dueling partners twice]
Elizabeth: ... in sickness and in health... [sword] ... with health being the less... likely? [they double-kill a mook before going back to more sword-fighting]
Will: I do!
[Elizabeth grins as Barbossa kills an EITC marine upside down]
Barbossa: AS CAPTAIN, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU... [slams an EITC marine into the wheel]
Will and Elizabeth are still fighting of Dutchman crewmen
Barbossa: [shoots another EITC marine while laughing] YOU MAY KISS—
[Will and Elizabeth are about to, but are attacked]
Barbossa: YOU MAY KISS—
[they fight off the attacker but accidentally cross swords]
Barbossa: (decides that saying "You may kiss the bride" is too long and decides "fuck it")...JUST KISS!
[Will and Elizabeth finally do it, with the love theme playing in the background as the camera slowly pans around them with all the chaos in the background]
- And immediately after, Pintel, Ragetti, and Jack the Monkey lift a hatch to witness the magic moment, savoring it a bit... before the two (disgusted) pirates load the poor monkey as ammo.
- A bit of Hilarious in Hindsight: their "officiator" was quite literally out for their blood just two movies ago. Which is approximately about 15 months in terms of the timeline too.
- Referring to Tia Dalma:
Barbossa: Take this fishwife to the brig.
Pintel: Right this way, Mrs. Fish.
- The Brethren Court fight scene.
Elizabeth: This is madness!
Jack: This is politics.
- The scene where Will, Beckett and Davy Jones are having that little tea party is amusing. Just think about it: A Cthulhumanoid pirate captain, a blacksmith-turned-pirate, and an evil lord having a nice and tranquil teatime while trying to betray and kill each other. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Mind Screw. It's such a surreal situation all by itself that it has its own comedic value.
- "Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?"
- Cue his actual crew, all bit players most of the time, slowly raising their hands, starting with Marty the midget pirate. "I'm standin' over there wit' them."
- Even funnier, Jack the monkey, whom Jack treated badly over the last film, also raises a paw.
- Jack tells Ragetti specifically when picking who goes with him to escape the Locker, "Not you, you scare me."
- Sao Feng confronting Jack Sparrow:
Sao Feng: [venomously] You paid me great insult, once.
Jack Sparrow: That doesn't sound like me.
[Sao Feng punches Jack. The entire Black Pearl crew winces in stereo.]
Jack Sparrow: [managing a grin as he puts his nose back into place] Shall we just call it square, then?
- This exchange after Barbossa and Jack shout over each other, giving orders.
Barbossa: What are you doing?
Jack: What are you doing?
Barbossa: No, what ARRRRRRREEEE you doing?
Jack: What are YOU doing?
Barbossa: No, what AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRREEEEE you doing?
Jack: What are YOU doing? ...The captain gives orders on the ship.
Barbossa: The captain of this ship is giving orders.
Jack: My ship, makes me captain!
Barbossa: They be my charts.
Jack: Well, that makes you... chartman!
- And after that, Pintel steps in:
Pintel: STOW IT! THE BOTH OF YOU! THAT'S AN ORDER! UNDERSTAND?! [Jack and Barbossa stare at him in surprise] ...Sorry, I just thought with the captain issue in doubt I'd throw in my name for consideration.
- What makes it funnier is that after Pintel snaps at them, EVERYONE on deck stops and stares at him.
- Arguably followed by a rather Heartwarming moment after Pintel has backed out of the fight:
Ragetti: I'd vote for you.
- After a failed Mexican Standoff, "We can still use them as clubs!" (gets bonked over the head with a gun)
- Don't forget the lead-in to the failure: Everyone points their pistols at everyone else... then they all start laughing... and then they point their pistols at each other again.
- After Jack fires at Barbossa in that scene, Barbossa gives him a look like, "You were actually going to shoot me?!"
- The Monkey pulls a pistol on the Parrot, which responds...
- Just what Noodle Incident occured to make Barbossa decide to train his undead monkey accomplice to use a gun?
- Jack is swinging around the Pearl and the Dutchman on a rope, then comes face-to-face with one of Jones' crew. He looks at the guy's belt, noticing something.
Jack: Oy! [grabs pistol out of guy's belt] My pistol! [hits guy over the head]
- Jack's incredibly long, detailed, and round-about way of voting during the Pirate Council:
Jack: Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish. Flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought. Human nature, innit? Ooor... fish nature. So, yes... we could hole up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month—which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or, ahh, as my learned colleague so naïvely suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful. I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipso loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth... [groans] Captain Swann. We must fight.
- This exchange follows right after that speech.
Barbossa: You've always run away from a fight!
Jack: Have not.
Barbossa: You have so.
Jack: Have not.
Barbossa: You have so!
Jack: Have not!
Barbossa: You have so and you know it!
Jack: Have not! Slander and calumny! I have only ever embraced that oldest and noblest of pirate traditions. I submit that here now, that is what we all must do. We must fight, to run away.
- This video makes it even better and completely proves Barbossa's point. As a bonus moment, the camera focuses on the other pirates as Barbossa and Jack argue, as their heads turn back and forth for each comment, like the audience of a tennis match.
- The moment where Jack has reached Mistress Ching during his cuttlefish speech, her two bodyguards are slowly reaching for their weapons when he touches her shoulder.
- Later on in the film, Jack and Barbossa actually switch opinions; Jack insists on fighting while Barbossa is in full support of running away and surviving. The conversation goes like this:
Jack: Close haul her. Luff the sails and lay her in irons!
Barbossa: Belay that, or well be a sitting duck!
Jack: Belay that 'belay that.'
Gibbs: But captain -
Gibbs: The armada -
Gibbs: The Endeavour -
Gibbs: But we -
Jack: Shut it! [Gibbs shuts up]
- The scene in the Singapore bath house is full of funny moments.
- When Barbossa and Elizabeth attempt to enter, they are ordered to leave all their weapons with other pirates to gain entry. Elizabeth removes a large number of hidden weapons, including a rather large blunderbuss that by all rights, shouldn't fit anywhere... comfortably. Barbossa looks behind her with a "how in the hell...?" expression.
- Later in that same scene, Pintel and Ragetti try to get a peek under Elizabeth's robe (it's implied she's got nothing on underneath) through a hole in the floor. Ragetti is successful. Pintel... not so much.
- Sao Feng: "MORE STEAM!" Nothing happens. Cut to Sao Feng's rather large 'steam attendant' on the ground with Marty sitting on his chest. The attendant rouses—Marty whacks him over the head with a shovel and knocks him out again.
- Sao Feng orders his men to draw their weapons.
Barbossa: Sao Feng, I assure you, our intentions are strictly honorable.
[Swords come through the floorboards at that exact moment and land in Barbossa and Elizabeth's hands.]
[Barbossa looks at Sao Feng and grins sheepishly.]
- Shortly afterwards, the rest of the crew comes in from the steam room. The highlight of this charge is Marty holding a gun as big as he is... and when he fires, the knockback blasts him right back into the hole in the floor.
- When Sao Feng attempts to take a hostage ("Drop your weapons, or I kill the man!") Barbossa and Elizabeth exchange a look and the latter shakes her head. Barbossa nonchalantly says, "Kill him; he's not our man." Of course, that's when Will realizes that there's a third party involved in their exchange...
- Jack the Monkey is set on fire by Cotton's parrot and launched from a cannon into boxes of fireworks. There is a massive boom when he lands.
- After coming upon Shipwreck Island, which contains Shipwreck Cove, and the town of Shipwreck, Jack realizes how unimaginative pirates are at naming things.
Jack: I once sailed with a geezer what lost both his arms and part of his eye.
Gibbs: And what did you call him?
- The scene where the pirate lords arrive.
Barbossa: There's not been a gathering like this in our lifetime.
Jack: And I owe them all money.
- The "Up Is Down" scene. Nearly everyone confused, but still following Jack, while Barbossa just stands there watching everyone (until he realizes what Jack is up to).
- Jack's escape from the Endeavour to the Pearl with a rope tied to a cannon. For added funny, he sticks a tiny figurine of Beckett inside the cannon.
Beckett: You're mad.
Jack: Thank goodness for that, because if I wasn't this would probably never work. [fires the cannon, which pulls the rope hard enough to catapult him to the other ship]
- Also, the hilarious Oh, Crap! expression on Beckett's face as Jack lights the fuse, before Beckett promptly dives for cover as the cannon fires.
- And then after seeing him go sailing through the air, his crew members start looking for him in the water, only for Barbossa to do a hilarious Double Take when he sees Jack standing neatly on the Pearl's stern.
Jack: And that was without even a single drop of rum!
- Don't forget Becket asking how long it'll take for them to be ready to pursue, and is answered by the cracking of the main mast as it falls over from the cannon blast. He doesn't even turn. And then the Lampshade Hanging.
Officer: Do you think he plans it all out, or just makes it up as he goes along?
- After being captured by Sao Feng's men:
Jack: [pointing at Barbossa] He's the captain.
Barbossa: [rolls his eyes]
- Made funnier by the fact that they had been arguing about who was captain just days(?) before. And later, when they're brought back on the boat, Jack is hiding behind Barbossa.
- This hilarious bit from Jack as he fights Davy Jones to hang onto the Dead Man's Chest.
You cannot do nothing without the key! Jack Sparrow:
I already have the key! Davy Jones:
(*beat, Jones looks bewildered for a moment*
) No, you don't! (*holds the key up from his beard and laugh*
) Jack Sparrow:
Oh, that key! (
*parries Jones' attack and slices the key out of his beard*'')
- Fridge Brilliance would suggest that either Jack was trying to bluff and ran with it when it backfired, or he was trying to get Jones to slip and reveal where it was, as he did. Or maybe both—Guile Hero, everyone.
- During their fight, Jack and Davy Jones are trying to escape by running around a capstan. Jones suddenly gets a truly hilarious look of "Hey, wait a minute..." as he realizes he Forgot About His Powers, and proceeds to force himself through the capstan. Jack's response? Spin it around while Jones flails in confusion! Unfortunately, when it stops spinning... Jones is face-to-face with Jack. Whoops.
- This exchange:
Davy Jones: DO YA FEAAAAAAAR DEATH!?
Jack Sparrow: You have no idea.
- This exchange.
Elizabeth: Our location has been betrayed.
Jocard: Who is this betrayer?
Barbossa: Not likely one among us.
Elizabeth: Where's Will?
Jack: Not among us.
- A blink-and-you'll-miss-it one, but the Parlay just before the final battle has the two sides meet on a sandbar. This includes Davy Jones, who can't set foot on land, so he has to stand in a bucket of water with several smaller buckets leading back to the water.
- The scene plays out like this, panning across three character: first Will, who has a relaxed stance and is leaning to one side; then Beckett, who's standing perfectly upright like the military man he is; and then Jones in a bucket of seawater.
- There's also the scene with the Brethren Court where, after Jack votes for Elizabeth as 'king' of the Brethren Court, everyone voices their disagreement.
Am I to understand that you lot will not be keeping to the code, then? [Teague breaks a guitar string and bestows a Death Glare on the entire Brethren Court—everyone goes silent]
- Keep in mind, this was mere moments after Teague shot Sri Sumbhajee's aide for suggesting they should set the Code aside.
- Also the entire fact that Johnny Depp had said he used Keith Richards as inspiration for the character of Jack Sparrow, having him play Teague was the icing on the cake.
- Jack's disgust when he sees Will using dead bodies to form a Trail Of Breadcrumbs, especially when he learns that this is the result of Will "thinking like Jack."
- He then breathes into Will's face, sending him over the edge with his stench alone. As Will grabs onto the last barrel, Jack shouts out to send his regards to Davy Jones.
Will: I hate him.
- Davy Jones' reaction to Norrington stabbing him through the shoulder.
Jones: I take that as a "no". [removes sword] Nice sword. Hmm.
- Maelstrom! Elizabeth's immediate reaction? "Captain Barbossa! We need you at the helm!" Crosses over into Heartwarming when you contrast it with her reaction to the waterfall earlier.
- What really makes it is Barbossa's response.
Aye, that be true.
- Murtogg and Mullroy turning up after the final battle on the Pearl, disguised as pirates and spouting off clichéd pirate phrases. Pintel and Ragetti take one look at them, decide "What the hell," and go along with it.
- The Black Pearl is gone, Jack's only ship is a dinghy, and he's got a map leading to the Fountain of Youth. He pulls out his compass that points to whatever he wants most, and it points behind him and to his right... so he picks up the bottle of rum behind him and pulls the cork. Then it points him to the fountain.
- Moments before that, Barbossa is telling his somewhat aggrieved crew that there is more than one way to gain immortality. He pulls out the rolled map leading to the Fountain of Youth, and unrolls it to find a large circular hole cut in the middle, where the important part of the map used to be. And the voice of him uttering just one word is nailin' it down.
- Everything about Captain Teague, starting from his introduction.
Aide: Sri Sumbhajee proclaims this all to be folly! Hang the Code! Who cares w—
[the aide is shot dead]
Teague: [quietly] The code is the law.
[The entire Brethren Court sit down, looking very nervous. Teague walks up behind Jack.]
Teague: You're in my way, boy.
[Jack nervously shuffles off to the side]
- The Anti-Climax with Gibbs having lost the Black Pearl, as Scarlet and Giselle snipe at each other.
Jack: Ladies, will you please shut it! Listen to me. [to Giselle] Yes, I lied to you. [to Scarlett] No, I don't love you. [to Giselle] Of course it makes you look fat. [to Scarlett] I've never been to Brussels. [to Giselle] It is pronounced "egregious". [to Scarlett] By the way, no. I've never actually met Pizarro, but I love his pies. [to both] And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that MY SHIP IS ONCE AGAIN GONE!!! Savvy?
[Giselle slaps Jack, Scarlett slaps Jack, Jack slaps Gibbs. Gibbs looks pissed for a moment, then sighs and shrugs as if to say, "Yeah, I deserved that."]
- Gibbs then walks off with Scarlet and Giselle: "Tell me, ladies, what do you know of sea turtles?"
- Jack is running across the boat like a mad man, with no-one understanding. Then Barbossa looks at the map, agrees that, actually, Jack is right, and everyone joins in.