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Funny / Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

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  • Luigi's partners telling what really happened, as Luigi fudges his stories to make him sound not so pathetic. That poor, deep-fried Blooper named Blooey...
    • In particular, Luigi's journey to Plumpbelly village is a riot. He had to dress in as a bride to fool his enemies into thinking he was a bridal sacrifice. His partner Jerry was so scarred he became depressed and stuck with Luigi just to make sure no one suffers the same fate. (That is, seeing Luigi in drag.)
      Jerry: I feel I now have a moral duty to stop Luigi from ever dressing as a bride again. I have to protect the world from my fate. That's why I'm sticking close to this guy.
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    • If that wasn't enough, we also have the "Super Luigi" series of books. Whereas Luigi just tells the important bits of the story, and his partners tell their side that reminds us of the Butt-Monkey he really is, these books outright exaggerate Luigi's heroics to the point where we're not even sure it's the same person. For example, in Luigi's retelling, he played ordinary grass in a stage play. In the books, he played an earth spirit.
  • There's a scene where Mario has to go through pipes to escape a locked room. Par for the course? Of course, for Mario. But the catch? Said pipes are in a toilet. No matter which of Mario's partners you have with you on the other side, their reaction is priceless—but Flurrie's is probably the best:
    Flurrie: I should like to request that we never do that again.
    Goombella: That... was maybe the grossest thing I've ever done.
    • Koops says something along the lines of "so THAT'S what plumbers do!" Also:
      Koops: X-Nauts? Sounds like tissues... to the extreme or something.
    • Similarly, each time you run into Ms. Mowz, she gives Mario a kiss before leaving. Each partner's reaction is worth hearing.
      Goombella: Ms. Mowz was here before, but I think she took the next train to Floozyville.
      Koops: Oh, my! You're so... bold...Is that legal?
  • "You rang, dude? I mean, sir? You rang, Sir Grodus, dude? Grodus? Sir Grodus, sir?"
    • "Shut up."
  • Also this exchange at the beginning of the game:
    Goombella: Professor, he's Mario! You know, the famous one!
    Prof. Frankly: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm such a bookworm, I haven't a clue about what's "hip" right now.
    • Made even funnier by Frankly's response before that:
      Mario: *Does dramatic pose*
      Prof. Frankly: *In all caps* WHO???
      Mario: *immediately Face Faults*
  • And:
    Yoshi: Oh man, the old monster-beyond-the-town-gate thing? Isn't that kinda cliched?
    • Made even funnier considering he only hatched in the last chapter.
  • The Bowser interlude where he meets Lord Crump in Twilight Town.
    • Here is the encounter in question, for your viewing pleasure. It's easily the most hilarious one of them all solely because of two blockheads like Bowser and Crump butting heads.
    • Any of the Bowser interludes, especially the ones where you need to control him through mock versions of Super Mario Bros. levels.
      Bowser—Extra Lives = ∞
      Fiesta !
    • "Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty king of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS!"
    • Bowser's epic battle against Rawk Hawk for his Crystal Star:
      Rawk Hawk: Pain.
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    • And, of course, Bowser's reaction to the news that he has been beaten to yet another Crystal Star... by Luigi.
    • "Swimming. I was swimming."
    • In the first interlude, Bowser can listen to two Hammer Bros. in a conversation. The first one starts blabbing about how he caught Bowser mooning over a picture of Princess Peach, all while the other one is telling him to shut it. His reaction when he turns around is pretty damn hilarious.
    "I'm not funny, sir!"
    "He's not funny, sir!"
    • Also during the first interlude, Bowser can talk to a third Hammer Bro, resulting in this:
    Hammer Bro: Lord Bowser! I have been training day and night to help you conquer the world! Should the time come, I shall be ready! Order me as you please, Your Surliness!
    Bowser: Uh... super. In that case, I order you to do some sit-ups, Tubby.
    • When Kammy tells Bowser that Mario is in Rogueport, she expects a huge reaction obviously for her scouting and hard work. She gets:
    "Pbbbthbtth! Am I Mario's baby-sitter? I don't care what he's doing! Are you going to call me every time that guy blows his nose, or what? Sheesh!"
    • At the Great Tree, Kammy and Puni Elder get into an argument. Bowser has one of two thoughts that the player can choose; "You're BOTH too old" or "It's hag vs hag! Awesome!" Regardless, Kammy will ask Bowser why it looks like he's dying to say something.
      • Before that, as Bowser is searching the bushes the punis are hiding behind, the other punis are scared out of their wits, but then Bowser finds the Elder, prompting to do her "grow ten times her size routine". Bowser, Kammy, and unspoiled first-time players come dangerously close to having heart attacks.
    • "You got it, Haggy!"
    • When Bowser goes to Poshley Heights, most of the characters are either oblivious, in denial, or terrified of him. But if you talk to one of the penguins, he is hardly impressed.
    "What's that you say? You're a great and evil king? Suuuure... Listen, buddy, I think you've been spending too much time in the sun." (or something like that.)
    • There's also the one woman who wants to mount Bowser's horns on her mantle. Bowser is understandably disgusted by this.
    • When Bowser and Kammy try to go to Glitzville, Kammy asks the blimp attendant for two tickets- one for an evil king, and for a sweet young thing. The Cheep-Cheep reacts; "H-help! It's Bowser! And a deluded old hag!"
  • When visiting Glitzville, try answering the pay phone. You might get a weather update.
    Phone: Weather in Glitzville is sunny, with a chance of more sun. It's above the clouds, stupid.
    • How about when a guy calls and says "Hello?" repeatedly?
  • The Nintendo Power guide for the game is actually pretty funny in parts.
    • If you don't have the guide, get it. It's like it was written by a Deadpan Snarker or a First Third Person Smartass.
    • Two moments in said guide that particularly stand out:
      (After receiving the threatening e-mail in Chapter 3) "Mario then proceeds to go on a rampage and whack everyone in the locker room with a steel folding, not really."
      (When the Russian-accented Bob-ombs reveal their giant cannon to fire Mario to the moon) "Considering most of the Bob-ombs speak with Russian accents, those of you who grew up in the '60s may feel a bit nervous when you see the enormous weapon rise from a silo. Resist the urge to hide under a desk and tuck your head between your legs."
      • Said cannon is shaped like a vodka bottle.
  • Anytime you fight (and win) in the Glitz Pit with Yoshi.
    Yoshi: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How'd that floor taste?
  • Doopliss impersonating Mario.
    • For people who looked it up or replayed the game, when you try to guess Doopliss' name but use an uppercase "P" instead (since the lowercase "p" is missing) You'll get "DooPliss? Hahahaha! Who'd name their kid that?"
    • After his defeat, he ends up joining the Shadow Sirens, and becomes the replacement Butt-Monkey of the group. By their final battle, the guy who forced you to take a long back-and-forth journey just to learn his name is begging to be called Doopliss, rather than "freak-in-a-sheet".
    • The funniest part would probably be Doopliss freaking out when you guess his name correctly.
  • "Flavio hates you all."
    • The complete lack of respect the entire crew have for Flavio.
    Pa-Patch: Hey, you want to know what smells really suspicious? Flavio's armpit! (This line comes complete with really small text and a fart sound effect) Smells like low tide!
    Flavio: That's enough, you mutinous jokers!
    • The argument between Flavio and Pa-Patch. The music playing during that scene probably helps.
      Flavio: And what about you, Squinty? You turned to jelly when you saw all those ghosts!
      Pa-Patch: What are you talkin' 'bout?!? You were the one quakin' in 'is boots, fancy pants!
      Flavio: ... wait. Wait one moment. Did... did you just call the great Flavio "fancy pants"?
      Pa-Patch: That's right, fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants!
      Flavio: Why you little CYCLOPS! Flavio demands satisfaction! You! Me! Hammers! At dawn!
      Pa-Patch: Oy, that's right fine by me! I can't wait to put a few dents in those fancy threads!
    • Using a trick demonstrated by Almolicious on his Twitch page and at Summer Games Done Quick 2014, it's possible to get Flavio to follow your character for the remainder of the game. With the unexpected bonus of photobombing every other cutscene in the game as well.
    • After Flavio and Pa-Patch's argument, they walk off-screen only to run back and hide behind Mario when some Embers attack.
  • The Cursed Chests, to the point during the third time around, Mario seems more annoyed than scared.
    • And eager to be Cursed with Awesome.
    • The fourth chest is actually disappointed when it learns Mario has already been through the entire "WEE HEE! FOOLS!" routine three times before.
  • Goombella's tattles do not disappoint:
    • Upon entry to an X-Naut base on the moon, she marvels at the architecture, especially the large dome that keeps all of the air within the structure. And then realizes that you just walked around outside with no problems.
    • Tattle with her when atop the Excess Express, and she'll try to describe the view briefly before giving up, on account of the Smorg infestation.
      Goombella: This is the train's roof. Look at that scenery go whipping by! Wowser! ...Look, this is no time for me to be describing stuff! These guys are so ANNOYING! They're flippy and floppy and gross and I HATE them! Let's get rid of them!
    • Her book describes Goombas as "the underlings of underlings". Being a Goomba herself, she reacts appropriately.
    • Tattle on Bowser and she'll say "That's Bowser, genius."
    • "That's a Twilighter who's totally obsessed with how important the moon is here. I guess, it's pretty prominent here, but he still might be a werewolf."
    • "I know she didn't turn into a pig just to feed her hungry kids!"
    • "Hey, this Twilighter is still a pig. .....Omigosh Mario, you can't tell her I said that!"
    • She is completely unable to tell the Punies apart, other than the main four. This results in some hilariously uninformative tattles if you ask her about them.
      • "Hm... I wonder how long Punies live. Smaller animals tend not to live as long as larger animals... ....maybe it's best not to think about it."
      • "You know what I wonder? Why are they called Punies? Because they're... Oh... right."
    • Tattle a Swooper for her opinion of its name.
    • Also, her tendency to point out the Fridge Logic behind some of the enemies, notably Bob-ombs and Hammer Bros.
    • When she first meets Dupree, she blows off his advances immediately. Unfortunately, he's a Recurring Extra, and her comments develop from simple disgust to outright despair if she keeps tattling him. And eventually all the way around to begrudging respect for how good he is at getting to each place in your journey before you.
      • "That's that totally gross guy, Dupree! What the heck is THAT guy doing here? Omigosh! You don't think he followed us here 'cause he's infatuated with me, do you? ...No? Oh, what, like it's not even possible?!? That's kinda insulting, Mario!"
      • "I...totally...can'! How's this guy know where we're gonna be all the time? And did he SWIM here or something? Please... Please tell me this is a nightmare..."
    • " makes me want to yell, 'Hey stupid ocean! Look at me, I'm on vacation!!'"
    • "This guy's name is Fred. He's not very freaky for a Fred, though. What? Not all Freds are freaky? News to me."
    • The Tattle Log itself has a few amusing lines. On Kammy: "She's a nasty, magic-using crone, but you should still respect your elders! Remember that!"
      • "You wanna hate me, but you can't help but love the RAAAAAAAWWWWK!" Did Rawk Hawk write his own entry?
    • If you tattle Luigi the very first time you run into him, Goombella's reaction will be a slightly sarcastic "Who's this guy?", before pointing out that it's Luigi.
      • She even gets Luigi's name wrong twice by post-Chapter 7 to pre-Chapter 8.
      Goombella:That's your brother, Loobie... Wait, no! I mean, uh, Loofa... No! I mean Luigi!
  • The crows in Twilight Town, when you hide in the shadows with Vivian.
  • Bowser can investigate his statues in his first level (which consists solely of walking to the other end of the room and being rude to a few underlings)... for the most part, he just comments about how handsome he is. But on the third one you get this lovely parody of the way Mario finds things, complete with Item Found music on the bolded statement:
    Wow... what a profile! Although... this thing could use a good dusting... Huh? It looks like this eye is a little loose... Incredible! The statue's eye is a jewel! I got the Bowser Jewel! ...Just kidding.
  • One of the very first scenes in the game involves a massive horde of X-Nauts jumping Mario—and then Mario just walks away, as they're mindlessly pouncing on something (that is very much not Mario) in the middle of the crowd.
  • The scene shortly after the above where, in the middle of Toadsworth talking, two Pianta mobsters show up in the background and begin working two Craws (Gus and Garf) over before leaving. You're in Rogueport for 5 minutes and you've already witnessed a gang war.
  • During the final Bowser level, you can talk to that rich Toad lady. Unlike the others, who cower in fear from Bowser, she begins admiring his horns before asking if she can mount them above her fireplace. Bowser's reaction is priceless.
  • Out of the many hilarious dialogue options this game gives you, one of the best comes right before Chapter 2 when you meet Punio:
    Punio: Huh? Uh... You didn't come here to eat me?
    Punio: And you're not bullies?
    Option 1: "Of course not!"
    Option 2: "Guess again, nerd!"
  • When you try to wake General White, the game snarks at you how that's not working. Each and every time. You do it about a dozen times. Twice. And each is funnier than the last. Stuff like "Sleeping like a 'stached baby." or "He woke up... just kidding, he's still asleep."
  • There's one point where Frankly is giving his usual exposition, he stops saying "no that's not" and your current partner asks "that's not what?" and Frankly screams "I DON'T KNOW". Cue face fault from Mario and your partner looking like they have just received some damage.
  • The sidequest from the Trouble Center where you have to give a Goomba (who somehow got deep into Pirate's Grotto) a girlfriend. You're supposed to introduce him to Goombella, but you can introduce him to any of your partners. The funniest part is, Koops and Yoshi seem to be legitimately offended that he didn't want them.
    Goom Goom: I asked for a cute goomba gal, he's just some crusty old Bob-omb! Dude, what is WRONG with you?!
    Bobbery: Well, you're not really my type either, you scaliwag!
    Yoshi: Shove off! Who'd date you anyway?
    Koops: Wow, I do NOT feel very attractive now...
    Flurrie: Why, honey, you need your eyes checked, I am a PRIZE!
    Vivian: You're not really doing much to impress me either bub.
  • In Chapter 2, when you first get to the Great Boggly Tree, you find there's a mechanical door that blocks your way. Punio goes to where the secret entrance for Punies is, but can't find it because of an invisible thingy. He comments no secret entrance would be labelled secret entrance. When you get Flurrie and use her power to blow that thingy away, it turns out, the secret entrance is marked by a large neon sign that clearly says "SECRET ENTRANCE".
  • In Chapter 2, after retrieving Flurrie's necklace and she makes her dramatic entrance, she wastes no time flirting with Mario and offering him a reward, whether he wants it or not.
    Flurrie: I simply must thank you for your graciousness. But how to do it? Hmm... Perhaps if I...grabbed you and gave you a little sugar?
    Mario: (refuses shaking his head no)
    Flurrie: Here I come handsome! Time to give you a proper thank you! Pucker up!
    (Flurrie rushes toward Mario, knocking aside Puino and the other party member, and grabs Mario, kissing him hard. She eventually lets go of him, and Mario falls over.)
  • After Chapter 7, there's a sidequest in the Trouble Center where you have to dress up like Luigi and meet someone who is a fan of Luigi. Hilarity ensues.
    • In case you're too lazy to click on the link above, the real Luigi shows up, the fan mistakes him for an impostor and chases him away.
    • This is also a Call-Back to the fact that Luigi originally was a palette swap of Mario.
    • Which is even funnier when you consider the possibility that the reason she only recognizes Luigi as a palette swap of Mario (rather than his current, defined character) is because she only ever played the original Mario Bros or Super Mario Bros.
  • During any battle, the audience may throw items at Mario's party to help out, but sometimes you will get a heckler that will throw rocks or garbage at you. You can actually counter the hecklers by making Mario or his ally run off the stage, go into the audience, and whack the heckler so they leave! Mario may be saving the world, but he won't hesitate to kick someone's ass for busting his chops during a fight.
  • "You never know when someone might go nuts and attack! Be careful! Live longer!"
    • "Nobody zings us like that! NOBODY!!"
  • During Chapter 3, in the Major League locker room at the Glitz Pit, at one point Hamma Jamma the Hammer Bro. tells you that his father dropped out of Hammer School and went to business school instead. Later on, Hamma Jamma says that his dad, the "Business Bro.", will be in the audience that day and that if things start going badly during the fight, could Mario knock the Business Bro. on his back so that he can't see what's happening.
    • Spike Joe (Another Major Leaguer) has a crazy obsession with his spike, and gets an equally weird one with Mario's mustache, trying to determine which is better, even suggesting a buddy cop show called "Mustache and Spike".
  • During TEC's Could-Say-It-But... quiz, one of the questions is "What does Grodus want to do with the 1000 year-old demon?", with two of the answers being "Cherish it always", and "Hang out with it".
  • Before disembarking at Rogueport, the tugboat captain tries to warn Mario that Rogueport is kind of a cesspool.
    "What's that? You say there's a princess waiting for you? Er...right. If you say so."
  • When fighting the Bob-Ombs in the Glitz Pit, use an attack that hits all enemies to make them angry, then use Clock Out. If you're successful, the Bob-Ombs will be defeated instantly by an attack that doesn't do any damage.
    • Also in the Glitz Pit, if you bungle your first attack on the bandits and they use their Sleepy Sheep, you have a very good chance of winning anyways. Why? The turn after they steal anything, they run, and running in the Glitz Pit means defeat. So you can spend the entire match passed out, only to wake up to your opponents reeling in defeat!
    • Bandits' reactions are just as funny if they failed to steal items when Mario or his partner guards. They appear depressed and walks all the way back with that face.
  • During the Chapter 6 Bowser interlude, Bowser walks into Rogueport Plaza and scares away some civilians. When Kammy tells him of suspicious underground door, Bowser leaves to investigate. When Bowser leaves, Luigi walks into the plaza with a question mark in his speech bubble.
  • On Keelhaul Key, Mario is tasked with bringing Frankie and Francesca back to Rogueport. Francesca is so upset with Frankie losing his ring, that she forces him to say "I love you" 100 times. The player has to press A 100 times, and eventually a counter appears that shows how many times he says "I love you".
    Frankie: I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you...
  • The Recognition Failure that becomes the Running Gag of the game: every single chapter, save for the final one, Mario's name is either butchered or he's mistaken for another character completely (he even gets mistaken for Luigi!).
  • For his first fight, Sir Swoop's special condition is to "Do a triple flip and meow".
    • Jolene repeats this to him and says it should be "fairly easy".
    • Given that your first special condition is to use the 'Appeal' command, the triple-flip-meow is probably Sir Swoop's appeal.
    • Just the concept of the scene: forcing the player to sit through the entire Justified Tutorial again because an NPC needs to learn it.
  • One of the quests that you get at the Trouble Center after completing Chapter 3 has you return to the Glitz Pit to clean out the storage room. After talking to Jolene about it, once you go to the storage room, you find it full of dirty pants, which you have to collect.
    • And when you talk to Jolene after you finish that, she freaks out on realizing you're still carrying them. Adding to the humor is that she always refers to said trunks as "garbage", with the word popping in instead of just appearing on screen. She really hates that stuff.
  • Everytime a partner joins you, you get a primer which explains their abilities. If you choose to recruit Ms. Mowz however, she explains her own abilities.
  • When Mario is spying on Grubba and Jolene, your partner will suspect that one of them is behind the missing fighters. Grubba hears them talking and thinks someone is eavesdropping. You get to choose between 3 noises, squeak, meow, or burp. Squeak and meow will make Grubba think its just a mouse or cat. Choosing burp however will make Grubba think it's just a burping beetle.
    • During their conversation, Jolene said she didn't find anything in the storage room and states the noise coming from inside was "probably just a rat or something", and considering Ms. Mowz was in the room when you first entered...
  • Frankly and Crump breaking the fourth wall in Chapter 5.
    Frankly: Are all of you ready? And you there! In front of the TV! You listen too!
    Crump: Hey! You there! In front of the TV! It may be obvious to you who I really am, but no telling Mario, or else!
  • Once you enter Cortez's ship, he immediately accuses Mario of trying to steal his treasure and starts his boss fight. After the fight, Mario explains he has no interest in the treasure and only wants the Sapphire Star. Cortez decides to just give it to you since he can afford to let go of "one or two extra gems" and he apparently didn't like it that much. Also, he calls the Sapphire Star a "little rock" even though it's much bigger than the other gems in his collection.
  • In Glitzville, the "Let there be hot dogs!" option you're offered when it's clear that the Yoshi egg is almost ready to hatch. Pick that one if you want to see your currently selected partner tear into Mario.
    • Also, during the Rawk Hawk fight, a funny moment occurs if you try to use your Ultra Jump's FP move in-battle while your opponent has the rafters down (Rawk Hawk uses them to fling stage props at you during his turn). Mario will hit the rafters as he jumps way high, instead of performing the move normally, causing him to float back down as in the first Paper Mario game! If you used the Charge badge before trying the aforementioned attack, for example to use the awesome-looking jump as a finishing move, he won't even lose his extra attack power!
  • This moment in Chapter 3:
    Fighter: AIGH! HURTS!
    Paramedic 1: Keep quiet.
    Fighter: MY FOOOOOT!
    Paramedic 2: Oh, you're fine. Just shut up.
    Paramedic 1: Apply pressure right there.
    Fighter: OOOOOOOUCH!
    Paramedic 1: Do we have a gag, maybe?
    Paramedic 2: C'mon, get a grip, will you?
    Fighter: MOMMMMMMY!
    Paramedic 2: Outta the way up there!


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