Funny / Pact

Breach

• Rose's rant about goblins after having to baby sit one as it destroyed an enemies' workplace.
  Rose: They’re so naturally unpleasant they make you unpleasant by association. You can’t deal with them without sounding like a vicious lunatic. No, Dickswizzle, you can’t wipe your ass with those pages. No, Dickswizzle, no vomiting or depositing any bodily fluids. Stop that, Dickswizzle, don’t shove that hourglass up your rear end. Fuck it, Dickswizzle, no fire. Listen to me, you little motherfucker, you can’t shove that wand up any orifices, understand? It was all I could do to keep from screaming, and that was in the span of five or six minutes.

Collateral

• In Collateral 4.2, in which Blake is making his offering, the nameless practitioner keep making things worse by poking at his gift.
  • Blake trying to argue in his defense to the Sphinx in 4.2 and her reaction, followed by his:
  Blake: "I’m doing my damndest to avoid going down that road,” I said. “The universe is conspiring to push me that way, because I inherited bad karma and it’s probably the easiest route to fuck me over wholesale, but… I don’t want to, I’m fighting it, and I’ll gladly take any help that makes the fight easier…”

  I saw the sphinx’s claws come out.

  Blake (without missing a beat):“…provided that help doesn’t involve killing or maiming me on any level.”

• Collateral 4.3 had numerous examples of Deadpan Snarker and Do Not Taunt Cthulhu on all ends. Mostly Blake saying something stupid and Rose telling him not to keep insulting the Incarnation of Conquest.
• In Collateral 4.5, it's revealed that despite knowing over thirty languages, Pauz the imp cannot speak Pig Latin.

Conviction

• In Conviction 5.5, Fell chiming in with a snarky comment every other moment during Blake and Rose's planning session to bind the abstract demon.
  Fell: Planning on blowing yourself up?
  Fell: If you want to get arrested again, please, be my guest.
  Fell: That sounds marvelously tacky. I’d be offended on behalf of practitioners everywhere, if you tried it and it actually worked.

Subordination

• In Subordination 6.2, Evan's reaction to Joseph pointing out that he missed the apostrophe on a message he had written out with his foot.
  Evan: I'm a bird. I'm a kid. I'm dead.
  Blake: The mistake is excusable, given the circumstances.
• Ty's comment in Subordination 6.5 regarding Inquisitors from Montreal coming after them.
  Rose: I agree, it isn’t fair. You got a familiar, you got your... circle thing.
  Fell: Cabal.
  Rose: Yeah. Cabal. Adding more fuel to the fire. Inquisitors, even.
  Ty: To be fair, they say nobody expects the Inquisition.
• Evan wishing he could at least take a poop on the Goblin sword in Subordination 6.6 because it was smiling.
  Evan: If I could crap on it, I would. See if it smiled when I dropped a big white and black blob on its face. But I can’t crap.
  Blake: You probably could if you ate something.
  Evan: “Really?” (...) “That would take too long.”
  • It becomes a Brick Joke later when Blake sees something white has dripped down on the Hyena's face and mouth.
• Maggie in Subordination 6.7 stating that she was hoping that Blake's familiar would've been named "Melmoth the Skull Fu-''
• Evan's obsession with Blake's Motorbike.

Void

• Ty's reaction to learning how the laws of karma affect the way people approach their tactics, especially encouraging monologuing and leaving the enemy in a complicated death-trap (to defer responsibility) in Void 7.1:
  Ty: You’re telling me the universe encourages being the Bond villain?
• In Void 7.5, Evan's reaction to having menstrual fluids explained to him by Rose after Blake chickens out on telling him:
  Rose: Coward. Come here Evan.
  -One explanation later-
  Evan: No. My mom told me about that! No! Don't- What's wrong with you?
  • Then Evan goes from there to convincing the rest of the characters to throw eggs at the bad guys.
• In Void 7.8, Maggie's reaction to Rose mentioning that she doesn't want anymore of her hair cut off is to jokingly suggest getting hair from... elsewhere.[[note]]As in her pubes.[[/notes]]

Signature

• In Signature 8.4, The Girl With The Checkered Scarf's reaction to being told by Sandra Duchamp that she'd need to forge new connections to survive:
  Sandra: "Forge new connections, hold tight to the connections that do exist, tenuous or otherwise."
  The Girl With The Checkered Scarf: "Oh god. You’re telling me that I have to work for my salvation by making friends?"
• In Signature 8.7, the Girl With The Checkered Scarf noting that if she got killed by Rackspatter of the Nine Thousand Scalps, he would then be over nine thousand. And Johannes gets it, whereupon the girl thinks that he apparently spends a lot of time on the Internet.

Null

• In Null 9.5, Blake has the following rationale for being more upset about possibly never being able to ride his bike again than the permanent loss of his humanity:
  Motorcycles rocked.
  Humanity? It varied.

Mala Fide

• Blake's becoming increasingly good at staying calm under pressure since he left the Drains. For example, in Mala Fide 10.3:
  Mags: Can you not be so crazy calm about this? One Thorburn has them all talking in concerned voices. Two will have them taking decisive action. Three fucking functioning or semifunctional Thorburns, each with serious fucking issues? The rest of those guys are going to be doing one of two things. Some are going to be flying around in a mad panic, propelled here and there by the sheer violence with which they’re shitting their pants, and the rest are going to be getting organized to murder you and pointing the finger at me!
  Blake: I’ve noticed you’re swearing again.
  Mags: Fuck, yeah I am!
• Faysal Anwar's fondness for walks.
  Faysal Anwar: I rather like walks, and I would like to stretch my legs.
  Blake: o_0
  Faysal Anwar: Because of my role as a Gatekeeper and a being that supervises travelers and forges paths, not because of my canine body.
• Evan's reaction to learning he's drunk after Dionysus hits them with an Intoxication Ensues bomb.
  Evan: This is been' drunk? Bluh. What's wrong with people? Why would they want this? Can't even fly proper.

Malfeasance

• In Malfeasance 11.2 Blake receives a visit from Tiffany while bound in Rose's mirror. Despite his increasingly inhuman appearance it doesn't take long for her to start ogling him.
  Her eyes flashed up, peering at me from between her fingers, they met mine, then dropped down to my torso, a fleeting glance. Even with her hands covering her face, I could see her ears going red. Oh. She hadn’t been paying attention to the monstrous bits. I’d meant my comment to be more melancholy, recognizing what I’d become, not teasing.
• Evan complaining that he wishes he could flip people off given how grating Aunt Stephanie was to him.
  Evan:“I should be able to flip the bird to people. It’s called flipping the bird, so why can’t a flippin’ bird give someone the finger?”
• Peter and Roxanne, in 11.10, have a strangely playful relationship:
  Roxanne: Need knives.
  Peter: Not objecting.
  Peter (aside, to Blake): Man, dad wasted Roxy, using her like he did. Jessica’s fault, probably. All that time spent doing stupid shit? Horseback riding and dance classes and music?
  Blake: I don't follow.
  Roxanne reappears
  Peter: Oil?
  Roxanne: Basement stairs.
  Peter (to Blake): Such a waste.

Duress

• Peter discovering the existence of Karma in Duress 12.3:
  Peter: I’m fuuuuucked.
  • Funnier is that he deals with all the scary stuff okay, but karma terrifies him.
• Peter just seems to be unable to stop commenting on Green Eyes:
  • In Duress 12.4
  Green Eyes (after having torn out the spine of a Giant with her teeth): “If we’re going to stay here, we’ll need food at some point.”
  Peter: “Holy shit, you didn’t eat enough?”
  • In Duress 12.6
  Peter (After Green Eyes hisses at another Bogeyman to assert dominance): “Down, girl.”
  Peter (After Green Eyes comes back with a Ribcage in her mouth): “Did you kill a freaking deer?”
• In the same chapter:
  Roxanne: "I’m never going to be okay again."
  Peter: “If it’s any consolation, you’re a Thorburn. You were never going to be okay in the first place.”
  Roxanne: “Oh. Yeah.”

Execution

• Even though its been touched on before that there is no Medieval Stasis, the fact that we're in a supernatural story steeped in diabolism, necromancy, chronomancy, etc... it is hilarious to suddenly have the narrative drop into an online chatroom in 13.4
  Penny[D]: How many hours until the night is over? My aunt told me before that we had a situation.
  Craig[B]: two hours and fifty two minutes.
  Penny[D] has set chat name to: JBJC [Sunrise at 7:12]
  Else[B]: Trust a chronomancer to know the time off the top of his head.
  Dolores[D] renamed themselves to ThorburnBogeyman
  Craig[B]: …what?
  Lea[D]: Oh god.
• Despite being chased by a Troll, Evan's problem is that Blake Tinkerbell'd him:
  Evan: “Did you just tinkerbell me?”
  Blake: “What?”
  Evan: “When they shake and spank the fairy for her fairy dust. You spanked me!”
  Blake: “Evan! Focus on the troll.”
• There's this exchange in 13.8:
  Blake: “I think tampering with my perceptions is a bad idea. And I kind of want to keep whatever I’ve got left, fleshwise.”
  Evan: “You don’t got much,” he said.
  Green Eyes: “Hey, yeah. How much do you have, even?”
  Blake: I declined to comment. Just by being here, not even talking, the Satyrs were bad influences.
• The bantering in 13.9
  Evan: “While we’re talking about food, you wanna know what I never did when I was alive? I never had sushi.”
  Green Eyes: “I was getting to be fond of you, nugget. Don’t go and change my mind.”
  Evan: “Well, I liked you pretty much right away, so there. Maybe I’m just a better person."
  Green Eyes: “If you are, then learn to be quiet when a girl’s trying to enjoy a moment with the boy she likes.”

Sine Die

• Alister rapidly becomes fed up with dealing with Blake and Rose being toxic and manipulative at each other when they're placed in close proximity, and comes up with a solution:
  Alister: Christ. Let’s… not have you two talk to each other, okay? Make it a rule.
• Immediately after Faysal Anwar betrays everyone and traps them in the Abyss with Barbatorem, he stands on the edge of the Abyss, glowing, and relays a message to Johannes.
  Johannes: He says 'stay.'

Possession

• Alister delegates sarcasm to Peter.

Judgement

• In Judgement 16.12, Mags gets Buttsack to help them out by offering to pay him in porn for as long as she is humanly able.
• 16.4; Rose says they need someone male. Evan volunteers. Peter says they need someone whose balls have dropped.
  “Wait, what?” Evan asked. “They do that? Testicles drop? Where? How? Why?”
• Evan lampshading the fact that he's the plucky kid.

Other/Multiple Chapters

• While Blake and Rose both had rather tragic childhoods, them comparing notes can often be comedy gold:
  Blake: That happened to you too, huh?
  Rose: Hm?
  Blake: Being six, getting lost in a crowded place.
  Rose: Oh. Yeah. We do have some shared memories, huh?
  Blake: Apparently. Maybe because mom and dad were careless enough they had to screw up a few times before they started keeping better track of us?
  Rose: Once. They only lost me the once.
  Blake: Fuck them. They lost me three times. That I can remember.

-

Blake: My view on it is that there aren’t hard and fast rules. This isn’t a science, exactly. It’s not like math, where you can decode it and figure out the system. It’s more like English class. Or art theory. You interpret, you divine the symbols and commonalities, you inject your own voice, views, and apply your own labels and rules, given the chance. Math is just there, waiting to be discovered. With English, with art, you can forge your own way.

Rose: I hated English class.

Blake: So did I. Mrs. Gazo?

Rose: Fuck Mrs. Gazo.

• Blake's sheer incredulity at there being an Incarnation of Conquest in Canada of all places.
• Anytime Evan boasts. It's amusing coming from someone so small, but truthful.
  • And then there's his obsession with becoming a sparrow of flames. Needless to say, when he gets the chance he becomes absolutely giddy.
  Evan: Make me a Phoenix, Bro!

-

Blake: You can’t set yourself on fire, Evan.

Evan: No. I want you guys to set me on fire. Or turn me into fire. Duh. I’m too young to play with matches.

Blake: Us setting you on fire is a bad idea too.

Green Eyes: The… bird wants to go out in a blaze of glory, I think.

Evan: As a blaze of glory. I want to go out there as a blaze of glory. Flaming bird, wings spread, trail of smoke behind me, all my enemies fleeing at the sight of me.

Green Eyes: Sorry. As a blaze of glory. That does sound pretty cool.

Evan: I know, right?

• Blake's occasional moments of Canadian patriotism, which invariably take the form of badmouthing America:
  By and large, asking an American how far away something was tended to get an answer in terms of miles. The gas station is a quarter mile that way. Ask a Canadian? Time. The highway is a ten minute drive thataway. Or so the idea went, with exemptions for more civilized areas of the States and less civilized parts of Canada.
• Everything about Poke, three short stories Wildbow wrote about Ben, a historical practitioner who's dating a goblin.