Funny / Old Man Henderson

• "MUCKLE DARMRED CULT! 'AIR YE NAMBLIES KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN?!" Or rather, the precise moment the DM's plot began to unravel.
  • To elaborate, Henderson believes the cult of Hastur stole his lawn gnomes, and responds by murdering an entire church of cultists and a Shoggoth and setting the church on fire. After returning home, he realizes he forgot to actually search for his lawn gnomes, and runs back to the burning church to look for them.
  • According to WHM, the leader of the cultists couldn't understand a word Henderson said and assumed that Henderson was cursing him in an elder tongue, hence the shoggoth (summoned by killing off another player character who was present).
  • After the whole fiasco goes down, the DM has an understandable response to his whole plot being thrown so far Off the Rails:
    "I... I think I need a minute. Or ten."
  • When one of the other players asks what just happened, WHM gives a response that's perfectly Henderson:
    "Remember when I said I was getting revenge? I brought out the big guns. I don't even have the small guns anymore. I was given some once, and promptly returned them. 'Won't be needin' these' I said. *on his phone* Hello, (Chinese food place [A Self Called Nowhere forgot] the name of)? You still got that special on the shrimp fried rice?"
• Any time Old Man Henderson causes the death of a player character, which happens a lot.
  • The absolute best is James Fink (the Professor's second character) failing to dodge the bomb rigged tanker truck and getting crushed to death. Of all the ways he could've died, the possessed detective, gunfire, the cultists or even the explosion itself, he got accidentally rammed.
  • Patrick's confrontation with Henderson, where he punches him in the face and breaks his sunglasses only for Henderson to pull out a new pair. Twice.
• Henderson and Jimmy smoke the Necronomicon.
  To be totally honest, I'm surprised this moment didn't make the original story, since smoking the giant book of Bad Juju was the best thing to ever happen on accident. So Jimmy took a hit, and totally failed every check the GM sent his way. He saw Jesus, and then Jesus turned into a giant squid thing. In the deep distance, the Weed softened the blow by masking everything behind a cartoon-ey after-glow. So imagine for a moment Elmer Fudd scream 'Cthulhu fhtagn' and shoot Daffy in the face. Only instead of a fucked up beak and a muttering of 'This Means War!', he screams 'HE COMES!' and tentacles rip out of his form to molest wildlife◊.
  This is the part where I had to go to the door and retrieve the precious shrimp fried rice, but I came back to "So wait, I ONLY lost 15 san?"
• Also from the Director's Cut, ASCN ending the part of the story describing how he and WHM actually became friends by, as is apparently a frequent occurrence, making fun of him for having bought St Anger.
  WHM: For fucks sake, are you ever going to let me live that down?
  ASCN: That CD was fucking garbage and you know it.
  WHM: I didn't at the time! Fuck, Metallica's pretty consistently awesome, how the hell was I supposed to know THAT was the album they were going to fuck up?
• Henderson driving down the road smoking a bong while two teenagers are having sex in his back seat. It takes the cop he passed two blocks to process what he just saw.
  • To get a bit more specific. A beat-up '92 Buick driving down the street, flooded with smoke, blasting Creedence Clearwater Revival, two teens having sex in the back, a slightly less fat Kevin Smith in the front passenger seat, and a mohawk-sporting, Hawaiian shirt-wearing old dude smoking a giant bong while driving along.
• After killing hundreds of cultists, causing thousands worth of property damage, AND killing and eldritch horror at the cost of his own life and most of his team, Henderson finally learns while dying that the cult of Hastur didn't take his gnomes. His reaction? He feels like he might have overreacted a bit...
  Hastur: ...You know, I've figured out everything but one little detail. Mind if I ask you a question?
  Henderson: Shoot.
  Hastur: Is Henderson your first or last name?
  Henderson:.... Man, I've got no fucking idea.
• A Self Called Nowhere admits even the GM could be funny if he really tried to be:
  The Deacon, after deducing that he wasn't in fact being mocked, explained that the church was rather neutral on the topic of Lawn Gnomes. Henderson then kept chasing the line as hard as he could, asking about things like Human-Gnome relations. Whether the Gnomes had souls. Whether said souled-Gnomes could theoretically be used as sacrifices to Satan.
  
  The Deacon then, and I'm quoting the GM here (in the only good line he had the entire game), gave Henderson a Look. A look that can only be summed up as "Dude, I fucked a Shoggoth and you're creeping me out."

---