One of the nice things is that even the original play as written has genuinely funny moments. For example, watching Philip hop up the stairs after Vicki, his trousers around his ankles, the tax demands and the plate of sardines glued to his hands, is hysterical. And then at the top, after Vicki has hidden in the linen closet, Roger comes out of the bedroom and Phillip pathetically tries to hide...behind the slip Vicki had been going to don. Even better? Roger isn't even looking, so he just brushes it off with "Stop flapping that in my face!"
The slapstick is quite possibly the epitome of Hilarity Ensues. "Ballcocks governor! Your ballcocks are gone!".
"I'm just checking a few measurements...I mean going into a few things...doing one or two odd jobs..."
The part where Phillip's pants are down while he's trying to explain to Flavia what's going on.
Act One
Tim is just passed out on the floor behind the couch.
Gerry just wants to talk about...you know...
Leading to a beautiful Precision F-Strike from Lloyd: "Thank you, Garry, I'm very touched, now get off the fucking stage."
Just as they explain to Freddie why the sheikh looks exactly like Philip, and get ready to finish the rehearsal of act one, Brooke gets confused about the resemblance because she completely missed the explanation, leading to the revelation that Lloyd is not only sleeping with Brooke, but also with Poppy.
Act Two
The entire second act follows the complex (and nearly wordless) mayhem going on backstage during a performance. Particular items:
Tim's increasingly lame bouquets for Brooke, and each one getting intercepted and ending up on Poppy's desk
Lloyd ripping off Poppy's skirt
Belinda has been delayed in coming onstage (by putting the axe back, after getting it away from Garry), so she has to rush to make it. As a result she's quite out-of-breath and thus exclaims in dramatically over-the-top fashion, "Look at it! I can't believe it!"
The time has come for Dottie to pull the sheet off of Vicki, revealing her "in her smalls for all the world to see." However, because Garry tied the sheets together, she can't, leading to a bit of tug-of-war while she exclaims, "There she stands...in her sheet that won't come off!" Selsdon, meanwhile, is watching from the stairs and supposed to recognize her; when she runs out (still covered in the sheet), he says, "It's my little girl...or what I saw of her before she went..."
At the end, just as things go quiet, Poppy shouts, "I'm having a baby!"note "I'm pregnant!" in the movie
Act Three
At the start of the third act, when Dottie is about to come onstage, she gets kicked from behind (presumably by Garry, though it might be Belinda) and drops everything (including the sardines) on the floor. While she tries to clean it up, the phone keeps ringing, leading to this gem: "I can't answer the phone and pick up sardines off the floor. I've only got one leg!" Then when she finally gets to the phone and answers it, the backstage person doesn't shut the ringing off, leading Dottie to give quite the Death Glare offstage.
This has a great follow-up later, when some of the other characters are onstage when they aren't supposed to be. Dottie squints and comments, "Lucky I can't see too far with this leg."
"Sardines, I've forgotten the sardines—" (notices the plate next to her on the table) "No I haven't, I remembered the sardines. Well what a surprise! I guess I'll go into the kitchen and make meself some more sardines to celebrate."
"I thought you was in...Sardinia!"
For some context: this is after Dottie has discovered the newspaper full of sardines on the sofa (by sitting on them). Freddie tries to warn her, and is forced to resort to "Mrs. Newspaper!" Which leads to a glorious speech where the venomous Dottie thinks Belinda put them there on purpose and slowly stalks across the living room before chasing her up the stairs.
Dottie/Mrs. Clackett, to the audience: Ohhhh, what a lovely present they've brought home! I bet I know which one of 'em thought of it, too. Left it all quietly on the sofa... LET ME AT HER!
"Am I in Spain? No I'm not in Spain, I'm in agony, that's where I am!"
The phone gets just tossed out the window (or in the bathroom) in the third act after Dotty tries to pull it through the door because she got her lines wrong and just didn't care. When Flavia and Phillip walk in, Flavia brings the phone and adds, "how odd to find the telephone in the garden/bathroom."
Garry hasn't gone to the second story when he's supposed to, so when Frederick and Belinda make their entrance, he leaps from behind the couch, grabs all of the props, stumbles up the stairs, and goes into the second door making a clatter, all while the other two are standing there, frozen. When he's left, Frederick continues with the text as written, "We've got the place entirely to ourselves!"
Belinda, trying to replace some missing sardines, has failed to put the bag in place for Brooke to react to it, but Brooke continues on, pointing at the empty space and crying, "Bag! Bag!" as she should. Garry sees the sardines that were missing but have reappeared, and points at them, saying, "Sardines! Sardines!" This distracts both of them enough for Belinda to put the bag in place, just in time for Brooke to point at what should be the empty space and cry, "No bag! No bag!"
Immediately after this, Garry is supposed to rush into the bedroom and find their things are gone (because Belinda confused them for hers and Freddie's)...but they're still there due to the previous delay/mix-up. So he rushes in...only to have them shoved into his arms. To which he says, "The box...the bag! They've both not gone!"
Dottie improvises as Frederick injures himself:
Frederick:(offstage, falling down the stairs after slipping on sardines)OH MY GoooOOooOOoOOOooooOOOooooOOOOooooDDDDD!!!! (CRASH!) Garry:(staying true to the text) I beg your pardon? (Beat) Dottie:(Trashing The Set)OH MY GoooOOooOOoOOOooooOOOooooOOOOooooDDDDD!!!! Garry:(staying true to the text) Why, what is it?
What makes it even funnier is, during the Beat, Garry and Dottie share a loooooong look, as they both seem to realize what she's going to have to do—and despite the animosity between them, they're briefly united in a This Is Gonna Suck moment.
Originally, at the start of the first act of "Nothing On", Garry is supposed to surprise Dottie, leading to quite the mutual scream of fright between them. But by the start of the play's third act, when everyone is either exhausted, drunk, or so angry and at each other's throats they can barely stay on track with the script, Dottie barely even bothers to react; her "scream" is hysterically pathetic, and her hand-flinging gesture is quite half-hearted.
Lloyd picks the wrong time to check in on the show, which is a complete off-the-rails disaster at this point. In the revised script, when Selsdon's cue line is given, Lloyd appears in Selsdon's place, having been apparently sent out to try and do damage control. He starts trying to work through the mess, and the burglar's cue line is given again, leading to Selson coming on for his actual scripted entrance. More hilarity ensues as Lloyd struggles for a solution, and the cue line is said for a third time and Tim, with no idea of the disaster taking place on stage, comes out as a third burglar, leading to all three of them giving Selsdon's lines in tandem. Before the revision, Tim was the first to enter and Lloyd the third.
Completely overwhelmed, Lloyd takes out his Valium and is passed a drink. Not realizing it's straight liquor, Lloyd gulps the glass then can barely choke out any words to help. He eventually gives up and attempts to flee the stage.
