Funny / Newhart

• The episode where Dick and Michael hold an audition for Dick's "sexy, young co-hostess". The first auditionee is a giggly, irritating ditz. The second is a Straw Feminist that causes both Dick and Michael to shudder. The third is an attractive, intelligent college graduate. At the end of her audition, Michael asks Dick what he thinks. "No contest." "Couldn't agree more." Dick shows up for the first day of shooting only to discover that Michael chose the ditz.
• During the plot-arc when Michael is having severe financial trouble, and he returns from a very unsuccessful trip to the local hardware store:
  Michael: I've never seen a credit card cut in half with an axe before!
  Stephanie: (Involuntary squeak of horror)
  • That same episode had this hilarious dialogue as George "comforts" Michael:
    George: Michael, I know how difficult this is for you and I know what you must be going through.
    Michael: Really? You mean you've been unemployed too?
    George: Nope, been working at the Stratford since I was sixteen. Been here ever since. It's a good feeling.
    Joanna: (realizing that George isn't really making Michael feel any better) Uh, George, don't you have some work to do?
    George: Always.
  • At one point, Michael performs as a public mime to pick up some cash:
    Michael: You know what they say: "Everybody loves a mime."
    Dick: No, Michael, that's "Everybody loves a clown." People run over mimes.
• In "Take Me To Your Loudon", Dick is trying to do damage control - people are terrified of an alien invasion - during a costume party. Long story short, in complete darkness, we see only six flashlights being flashed around. The next thing we hear? "Hi, I'm Larry...", followed by pandemonium from the studio audience.
  George: They're the guys from space?
  Dick: That would explain so much...
• In "The Boy Who Cried Goat", when Dick tries to tell Kirk the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf", only to be interrupted by the others who had all heard the story differently.
• In his guest appearance, Don Rickles gives Dick a lesson in insult comedy:
  "'Fat and Bald'? I mean, Dick, you could have come up with some better material than that! Like, 'Is that your gut or are you smuggling a bag of fertilizer?'"
  • Bonus points for Ed McMahon's cameo.
    "You sadistic motherless creep!"
• At the very end of every episode, there was the Vanity Plate showing the MTM kitten meowing. Only instead of actually meowing, what one heard was the kitten actually saying "meow" in Bob Newhart's deadpan voice. In the final episode, one heard the kitten yelling, "QUIET!" in the two Darryls' voices.
• The final act of "The Last Newhart" is rightly remembered for one of the most shocking twist endings in television history (particularly for how carefully it was kept a secret, even from the studio audience, until the cameras started rolling), but it's also hysterically funny. Dick and Joanna have remained at the Stratford even after the other townsfolk have sold out to a Japanese tycoon, who has built a golf course around the hotel. In the final scene, set five years later, the townsfolk return in groups for a reunion with Dick and Joanna, as well as with each other, and pick up more or less where they left off.
  • First to arrive are Stephanie, Michael, and their daughter, who has grown into a miniature version of her mother. Their arrival sets off a Running Gag in which the new arrivals marvel at Joanna's geisha wig, most of them not realising it is a wig until Joanna points it out.
    Dick: So, wh- uh, what are you three doing back here? I thought you were living in Zurich.
    Stephanie: The whole town decided to meet here five years ago on this day to see if you and Joanna would still be alive.
    Dick: And... are we?
    Michael: [thinks, then, without a hint of irony] Hard to tell, looks can be so darn deceiving.
  • Next to arrive is George, who, after gaining then losing then re-gaining twenty pounds, went to a Navajo reservation and smoked a peace pipe, then stopped worrying about his weight.
  • We then get four new arrivals: (now former) Mayor Chester (whose wife ran off with Officer Shifflet), Jim, Mr. Rusnak, and Prudence Goddard. Chester's stunned "Oh, Lord preserve us!" at the sight of Joanna's wig is a masterpiece of comic delivery.
  • But the best is saved for last when Larry, Darryl, and Darryl arrive with their "bitter halves", Rhonda, Zora, and Sada.^note The last named is played by a pre-Mad About You/Friends Lisa Kudrow. They turn out to be three insufferable loudmouths, leading to the Darryls saying their first ever words on camera when their patience inevitably runs out...
    Darryls: [with a double Glasses Pull] QUIET!! [cheers from studio audience]
    Dick: [flabbergasted] Your brothers can speak! Why- why didn't they say anything up 'til now?
    Larry: I guess they've never been this P.O.ed before!
  • The returning characters reveal that they missed their little town, although their homes were bulldozed to make way for the hotel and country club next to the golf course, and the hotel is booked solid for the next several years. Joanna invites them to check into the Stratford, as no-one ever stays there, and George announces they'll happily check in forever! As is so often the case, Dick cannot get a word in edgewise, and finally has enough - and then...
    Dick: [knocked off balance by the idea of the usual crowd of goofballs moving in permanently] Wait, no, wait, wait, we don't, uh, w- we don't have, uh, uh, enough rooms for all, all of you, and, a-and your wives, and your children...
    Michael: It's merely a matter of living arrangements, we can work it out! We can work it out! Only time will tell if I'm right or I'm wrong.
    Chester: As mayor emeritus, I hereby declare an emergency town meeting to be held at once in the sofa area of the Stratford to discuss who will be bunking with whom! [the other townsfolk enthusiastically agree and surround the sofas, then begin talking over each other; Joanna joins in the discussion eagerly as Dick tries to get their attention]
    Michael: If- if it's okay, Chester, I'd like to bunk with my wife and daughter. [confusion from the townsfolk] I mean, my bunny burger and small fry. [murmurs of understanding and agreement]
    Larry: My brothers and I would like one room for ourselves, and a separate one for our wives. Preferably in a different town.
    Jim: I refuse to bunk with Mr. Rusnak, he snorts like a pig!
    Rusnak: [offended] My septum happens to be badly deviated!
    [the townsfolk continue to talk over each other]
    Dick: No, h- no-one is listening to me! [the conversations continue; Dick raises his voice] I'm really fed up with you coming in here and taking over the inn! Doesn't anyone hear what I'm saying!?
    Joanna: [hit by a bolt of inspiration] Ohhh! Why don't we have communal baths, the way we have in Japan! [various reactions from the townsfolk] Stephanie, you just have to try it!
    Dick: [getting ever angrier] I am getting out of here! I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going! [marches across to the front door] I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS MADHOUSE! [opens the door]
    Golfer: FORE!
    Dick: YOU'RE ALL CRAZY! [a golf ball zooms in from offscreen and bonks him on the head; in slow motion, and with the soundtrack taking on a bass-heavy, echo-laden quality, he slumps to the ground, seemingly unconscious]
  • And then, the payoff for which the series is so well remembered...
    [darkness; we hear Dick yelp, then reach out and switch on a bedside lamp, revealing a bedroom that looks very familiar]
    Dick(?): Honey. [the studio audience start to suspect what the bedroom set portends; they begin cheering and applauding] Honey! [coughs] Honey, wake up! You, you won't believe the dream I just had.
    Woman in bed next to Dick(?): Mmm...
    Dick(?): W- well, don't you wanna hear about it?
    [the woman in bed next to Dick sighs, reaches out, and turns on her bedside lamp to reveal... Suzanne Pleshette as Emily Hartley! She waits for the cheers of the studio audience to die down]
    Emily: All right, Bob. What is it?
    Bob: [for it is he] Well, I, I was an innkeeper in this crazy little town in Vermont.
    Emily: [clearly wanting to go back to sleep] I'm happy for you. Good night. [tries to lie down again]
    Bob: N- nothing, nothing made sense in this place. I mean, the maid was an heiress, her, her husband talked i-in alliteration, the... the handyman kept missing the, the point of things! And then there were these three woodsmen, but... on- only one of 'em talked.
    Emily: That settles it. No more Japanese food before you go to bed. [she kisses Bob on the cheek, switches off her bedside lamp, and lies down again]
    Bob: And- and I- and I was married to this, this beautiful blonde...
    Emily: Go back to sleep, Bob.
    Bob: Good night, Emily. [switches off his bedside lamp... then, in a recurrence of a Running Gag from The Bob Newhart Show, Emily switches her lamp back on and leans over Bob]
    Emily: What do you mean, "beautiful blonde"??
    Bob: [turns to face her] Go to sleep, Emily. [starts to lie down again, then turns back] You know, you, uh... you really should wear more sweaters. [Emily looks confused, but shrugs it off and turns off her light; the theme from The Bob Newhart Show plays over the executive producers' credits]

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