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Funny / New Avengers (2015)

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  • Issue 1, the opening splash page features descriptions of all the team-members, and then it gets to Squirrel Girl's partner.
    Caption: Tippy-Toe. Is a squirrel.
    Caption: (Squirrel Girl. Doreen Green. Squirrel powers.) Tippy-Toe. Also squirrel powers. Because she's a squirrel.
    Caption: Tippy-Toe. Earth's mightiest squirrel.
  • Sunspot is not impressed with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s choice of mole.
    Roberto: Can we get the other Hawkeye? I really wanted the other Hawkeye...
  • Squirrel Girl's reaction to undead French people with crystals for heads is... unique.
    Squirrel Girl: Hey! Awesome new friends! First off— I totally love the gyroelongated bipyramid look! It's my third favorite geometric solid. Secondly— how do you breathe? I think science would like to know!
    Squirrel Girl: Okay! Good talk, you guys! I'm lying that was not a good talk and these are not awesome friends.
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  • Take a look at one of the squirrels SG summons. The writers somehow managed to invoke Gratuitous French with a squirrel.
  • Issue 2: The Maker discovers a problem with summoning an Eldritch Abomination.
    WHISPER Minion: zzsir? we... ah... we can't turn the lightszz back on.
  • White Tiger and Squirrel Girl are temporarily infected by the crystal-heads...and if you look closely, so was Tippy-toe.
  • Roberto has a robot designed for the sole purpose of dispensing and serving champagne. When it has to serve some other kind of drink (like cola) it'll deeply hurt its feelings.
  • Issue 3:
    • Hulkling proudly showing off his giant manwich.
    Hulkling: I am the one true Dagwood.
    • After Billy teleports onto the Skrull ship with Teddy:
    Power Man: Oh, man. I so picked the wrong day to call him out on his name.
    • Lan-Zarr's failed attempt at being dramatic:
      Lan-Zarr: Within the light – if you are worthy – you will find your destiny waiting. But beware, "Teddy" of Earth, for if you prove yourself unworthy of the prize, nothing waits for you but searing agony. For these mystic forces know the true seeker. So be sure, "Teddy" of Earth – sure in your heart that you are truly the–
      Teddy: Done.
      Lan-Zarr: What?
      Teddy: I found this in there. Looks like a sword. Can we go home now?
  • Beginning of issue 4, as Hawkeye flies the faster-than-light spaceship Avenger Three he narrates a parody of the "Space, the final frontier" monologue from Star Trek. Songbird tells him, "Stop being Cool Dad, Clint."
    Hawkeye: [...] Also, I'm not "Cool Dad", okay? I— I listen to The Clash on vinyl...
    Sunspot: Duly noted, Grandpa.
    • The monologue itself is also pretty great.
      Clint: Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Avenger Three...Boldly going where pretty much all of us have gone before...
    • "One more day at the office, Clint. Space Cthulu's got five eyes...You got five TNT arrows. 'Cause you're Cool Dad. Baby."
  • Issue 5, the grumbling WHISPER mook. "Jeez, I could've joined HYDRA."
    • Also when one of the mooks gets narrowly saved from being killed:
    "My whole thesis defense flashed before my eyes... and I wasn't wearing pants..."
  • When the 20XX Avengers show up in AIM's time machine:
    Squirrel Girl: Um. So. Are we fired, or really fired?
    Roberto: ... I'm thinking...
    • The reason Squirrel Girl is asking this is because she had been working on the time-machine, but as soon as Roberto had turned it on, it started malfunctioning.
    Roberto: It's short-circuiting—
    Squirrel Girl: Uh... I should maybe mention... that Tippy Toe wired it up and also squirrels are colorblind sorry my bad sorry.
  • When the Avengers of 20XX come to warn the New Avengers about Wiccan, Roberto gets distracted by how silly Collapsar looks.
    Roberto: Ha! Tiny Nova!
    • In the very same panel he is also introduced as:
    Collapsar. Tiny Nova.
  • On the second-to-last page of issue 6, we get a glimpse of Teddy and Billy's life in the future. Teddy's still got his space sword, and he's keeping it in an umbrella stand.
  • In issue 8, when Roberto explains that there are exactly four people in all of A.I.M. who don't want to go to war with S.H.I.E.L.D. according to his fancy cellphone voting app:
    A.I.M. mook #1: Um. I accidentally tapped on both buttons at once and it said "out" but I meant "in." Sorry.
    A.I.M. mook #2: Dude, you're the IT guy.
    A.I.M. mook #1: I have fat fingers! I'm sorry!
  • The sheer insanity that is the American Kaiju. An attempt at creating another super-soldier with every bit of mad science thrown in turns Corporal Todd Ziller into a thirty-story-high, green, fire-breathin' tax funded lizard with an American flag tattooed on its chest. Just to take out a bunch of mostly harmless mad scientists, and some Avengers.
    • It roars "YUUUU! ESSSSS! AAYYY!" lettered in patriotic red, white and blue.
    • For that matter, there's Todd Ziller's backstory. You know that horrendous chain email about the conservative Christian marine who punches the atheist college professor in the face? He was the marine.
    • There's also the Avenger Five's entrance teleporting next to American Kaiju and punching it in the face. Clint can only muster up an "... Okay then" in response as he was thinking the day could not get worse or weirder, then it does.
  • The narration caption for The Reveal of Avenger Five, which had been teased in multiple issues up to this point. "Avenger Five. Yes, it's a giant robot."
  • How Rick Jones and Clint get separated from the others. They're heading to Avenger Two when Rick makes the mistake of asking a random A.I.M. Mook what it is, resulting in the mook going on a page-long rant about how it's the Supreme Leader's secret plan to show the whole world the true power of A.I.M. Rick sensibly decides to leg it.
    Mook: What? The Supreme Leader is awesome! I can't help it if I get excited!
    Clint: It's Larry, right, from stores? You're a jerk, Larry.
  • Pretty much all of issue 11 once The Plunderer and Terry the Henchman show up.
    • "You foolish fools! My plunder-bots are impregnable! And worth every penny of the rental fee - Wait, why didn't we just plunder them?"
    • The Plunderer's reaction to Squirrel Girl showing up, as any sensible person might react. "Oh. Her."
    • "Fear not, Terry! I'll save you!" "Gaaaah! Their tails!" (without missing a beat) "Well, I'll save me, at any rate!"
  • And also in issue 11, is Wanda having mastered the "embarrassing mom" routine and showing it off in front of Billy and Teddy while she rambles on about her own wedding back in the 70s, all of which sounds ridiculous but is entirely canon.
    Scarlet Witch: It was a double ceremony, conducted by Immortus, master of the limbo dimension, in the shade of a lovely old tree, which the other bride was marrying.
  • The New Avengers are unable to provide their trademark witty banter for most of issue 12, since it's a tie-in to a large battle from Civil War II, and it's so loud that they're reduced to shouting "What?" at one another while they fight.
  • The Maker's insect-men are a bit too dedicated to spying on A.I.M. for him.
    Insect-man: I am proud to szzerve you, maszzter! Proud to record their every defecation in high definition video!
    The Maker: Eww.
  • Issue 13, some of the banter between Roberto and Sam:
  • Vic's introduction to the Stealth Zero:
    Max: And as for the engine... you've met the engine, right?
    Sam: Howdy.
    Vic: Oh, no.
  • A W.H.I.S.P.E.R. insect-man's reaction to the W.H.I.S.P.E.R. base's imminent destruction by a S.H.I.E.L.D. Total Annihilation Drone.
  • Issue 16: In the middle of the big battle, Tippy Toe manages to turn all of Vermin's rat minions against him. Because he was a Bad Boss.
    Vermin: Why won't you attack?
    Tippy Toe: Chtt Chutt!
    Squirrel Girl: Tippy Toe says it's a militant strike action.
    Vermin: Ssstrike action?
    Squirrel Girl: You keep sending them to fight superheroes - that's way outside normal rat business! They don't even get hazard cheese!
    • And as Squirrel Girl's lecturing Vermin, Songbird gets fed up and kicks him in the face.
    Squirrel Girl: MEL! RUDE!
    Songbird: You can rehabilitate him on your own time, Doreen.
    Squirrel Girl: I know! Rehabilitating criminals is 90% of what I do in my own time! Still super rude, Melissa!
  • How the Maker realizes everything's gone wrong in Issue 17:
    The Maker: That's...oh, no. That's the Mission: Impossible theme.
    President Obama removes his face
    Roberto: Right first time.
  • In issue 18 when Power Man announces he's quitting the New Avengers/A.I.M. to go back home and patrol his old neighborhood, Max asks to join, getting bored with A.I.M. and wanting to try being a full on costumed hero for once. Vic is skeptical until..
    Max: Give it a chance, man. I"ve got this combat suit I made to fight dad. I can do this. And just between you and me? I've come up with the perfect code name... (holds up fist as energy crackles around it) IRON FIST!
    Power Man: .... !#$% it. For the look on their faces alone.
    Max: Right?
  • The staged funeral for Roberto at the start of the final issue.
    • Koi Boy can't resisit cracking puns, despite the fact they're at a funeral.
    • The New Mutants are a tad more respectful... though Doug seems to have forgotten something:
    Doug: The first new mutant to die...
    Mirage: ... Doug... what?
    Warlock: Query: When should self enter friendbobby's corpse and ride it around?
    • Doug later saying they should do this again.. before clarifying that he meant a New Mutants reunion, not a funeral.
  • Hulkling and Wiccan doing one last job for Roberto, thinking they're hunting down an evil splinter AIM cell, and instead finding a fully furnished apartment that Roberto bought for them.
    Hulkling: This apartment's probably full of deadly...
    (busts door open)
    Hulkling: ...balloons?
    Wiccan: And cake. Deadly, menacing cake.
    • They read Roberto's note explaining the apartment is a farewell gift. Wiccan's response?
    Wiccan: He can't even say goodbye without turning it into an intricate scheme.
    • Billy decides two can play that game...
    Billy: (magical voice) Fly, slice of cake! Fly to Roberto's mouth! Tell him he's the best!
    (cake sprouts magical wings and flies away)
    Roberto: Ooh, flying cake! A.I.M. is undergoing a merger. Think Q Branch meets the Impossible Missions Force—
    Flying cake: You're the best!
    Roberto: — thanks, flying cake — with a little re-branding exercise on top.
  • Roberto reveals said re-branding exercise by telling his now red- white- and blue-suited minions to "Assume Formation 1776" – which has the A.I.M. goons create a human American flag.

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