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  • "You two shall face DETENTION LEVEL SEVEN: ABSTRACT CONCEPT OF DETENTION!"
  • Davesprite's Meta Guy moments, and his trolling Cousin with a secret harem ending that doesn't actually exist.
    Davesprite: mom dad i dont care what you say this videogame character is my boyfriend and were in love
    • His Lampshade Hanging of the Meet Cute trope is really funny, too— if you go down his route, he promises to keep putting fountains in the way for the two of you to trip into, up to having them at your wedding.
  • The Running Gag of the students being Mind Readers.
    Cousin (thinking): You don't know me at all!
    Valkyrie: And just now you were thinking, 'You don't know me at all!', right?
    Cousin (thinking): HOW DID SHE DO THAT

    Blue Max: Ah!
    Cousin: But... I didn't say anything.
    Blue Max: No, but I could feel you thinking it!
    Cousin (thinking): They should call this place Mind Reader High.

    Cousin (thinking): Is Pac-Man reading my mind?!
    Pac-Man (thinking): Yes, Cousin. I am.
  • Cousin tries to guess why some of the students are in detention:
    What trouble could [Tomari] possibly get into? Unpaid library fine?
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    • Cousin later freaks out over Tomari is revealed to have Mad Scientist tendencies.
  • Richard Miller's Conspiracy Theorist behavior is so creepy, it's hilarious.
  • Valkyrie's route, in which Cousin gets involved in a sparring match with wooden swords:
    Cousin: (Wow, she's fast...she must be going all out!)
    Valkyrie: Step it up! I'm not even going all out!
  • On Donko's route, Pac-Man's advice contains a bit more detail than usual, including the logic "I'm not a drum, but I'm vaguely circle-shaped, and that's similar", an explanation of how he always knows what you're thinking ("I Have My Ways"), and culminates in a pun about Buddy Rich that flies about a mile over Cousin's head, at which point Pac-Man tries to explain it, before giving up and seeing himself out.
  • In Terezi's route, Pac-Man's befuddled reaction to Terezi and Cousin's quadrant mismatch.
    Pac-Man: Maybe you two shouldn't be true to yourselves...
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    • Funny enough, Pac-Man gives the advice of not being true to yourself on every single Homestuck route, and also the route where you don't date anyone; in that case, he STILL cites the "weird foreign exchange students". Pac-Man must really hate Homestuck.
  • Blue Max's Acting Presidency of the Military History club ("acting" because Aki is President but is basically never there at all), in which he applies rules of order he doesn't fully understand and concepts from military history and political budgeting he only vaguely comprehends to a meeting between nine different people, all of whom are himself. Also, his secret project to build a super plane is called "SECRET PROJECT SUPER PLANE". He later renames it PROJECT SUPER SECRET PLANE for security reasons.
    • The cafe meeting, in which Tomari keeps interrupting to point out that the majority of the design work on PROJECT SUPER SECRET PLANE was done by him.
      Blue Max: He's a nerd for hire.
      Tomari: I prefer the term "knowledge mercenary".
  • Tomari's rant about Namco High being doomed, while a bit sad and disturbing because of his renouncement of inventing, is also kind of hilarious.
    Tomari: If we don't win the Super Robot Battle Brawl against Dr. Kubota's engineering club at Evil Namco High, the morale AND morals of our school will be OBLITERATED. All of Namco Land will crumble and fall. We shall be swallowed up in ten thousand years of darkness.
    Cousin: Um. Oh.
    Tomari: Yes, "oh". "Oh" indeed. I couldn't have put it better myself, Cousin! And since there's no time to make a new super robot, we are destined to lose the Robot Battle Brawl Match, and everything we know and love will be swallowed by flame and weird stuff. DARK STUFF. Because evil.
    (Skipping ahead a bit)
    Cousin: So, uh, see you later, Tomari?
    Tomari: Sure. Good luck to you in the bleak future, Cousin. You're small, use that to hide in the shadows when bandit raiders come looking for food.
    Cousin: Yeah, I'll sure do that.
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  • A lot of things involving Richard Miller, ranging from the way he pops up out of nowhere in other people's routes, to his all-consuming paranoia ("I even track my own movements in case I can't be trusted either") to his discovery, should you go to culinary club, that it is possible, upon eating food that isn't from a drive-thru, to experience a sensation known as "taste".
  • After hearing Anti-Bravoman's first poem at the café Cousin tries asking if he has a nickname he says he doesn't, so Cousin tries to think of one. After shooting down some of Cousin's suggestions Anti-Bravoman offers "XX-D4RKL0RD99-XX" as an alternative name, which then replaces his real name in his chat boxes. He was rather disappointed when Cousin forced him to change it back.
    • On a similar note is when Alfonso introduces you to his friend the female criminal, who he initially calls "Codename Condor" only to be corrected which results in her chat box calling her "Condor I mean Connie", "Codename Connie", and "Connie(...?)", before correctly addressing her as "Connie".
  • On Terezi's route, Cousin tries to imitate her voice indicated by the changing of the text font and color in their dialog box. To perfect it, they turn their textbox the grey-white background the Homestuck characters use.
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