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With over two hundred 2-hour episodes (including the KTMA era) featuring some of the most ludicrously awful films ever made, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a series packed with funny moments - and not just the unintentional ones in the films being riffed.

Examples for Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie can be found here.

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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    Season 1 
101: The Crawling Eye
  • Some of the riffing in this episode is pretty funny, for instance:
    Alan (in film): Too many things missing...
    Crow: Like a plot!

102: The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy

103: The Mad Monster

  • Tom Servo flirting with a blender.
    Servo: God, you've got classic features; crush, grate, chop, whip. Baby, you've got it all. (Joel enters and switches on the blender) Oh, and a lovely singing voice too. Oh, you do have it all. Joel, I'm in love. (Joel drinks from the blender) Joel? Joel! That's it! The gauntlet's been thrown! Nobody drinks from my gal!

112: Untamed Youth

Bong: (singing) Oh, you ain't gonna make a cotton picker outta me!
Tom Servo: Shut up.

    Season 2 

201: Rocketship XM

  • There is a largely silent sequence near the end of the movie, where the doomed crew of the RXM finally resume radio contact with Earth and desperately try to deliver what data they can before they crash so the mission wasn't a complete waste. We do not hear the crew's end of the conversation - only the scientist on Earth recording what they say. This allows Crow, with Servo and Joel joining in later, to add in a truly amazing dialogue track.
    Scientist: Come in, RXM!
    Crow: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllp!
    Scientist: Repeat that again please, Dr. Van Horne?
    Crow: I said -
    All Three Riffers: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllp!
    The scientist grabs a pad of paper and begins furiously writing.
    Crow: H-E-L-P. Pronounced-
    All Three Riffers: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllp!

202: The Sidehackers

  • When Rita pulls out a lock and Rommel asks "Now what am I gonna do with that?" and Rita replies "It's what I'm gonna do with it", Crow's mouth drops open.
  • CamBot making his one and only riff in the entire show by making a mock ESPN scoreboard depicting how boring the movie is. Joel even complements him on it!

204: Catalina Caper

  • The Invention Exchange features the Mads' tank tops... as in, tops that are tanks (a shot of the Mads opening fire was used in the opening credits throughout the Joel/Frank years).
    Dr. Forrester: "Shelling on the beach" takes on a whole new meaning!
  • The episode gets a lot of mileage out of the fact that the cast is nearly all-white, with such jokes as "It's the keep Mandela in prison dance!".
    • And right at the beginning, Tom Servo kicks it off with "Oh, these klan meetings have really lightened up!"
  • When the camera spends a little too much time on one of the dancing girls during the "Scuba Party" number.
    Crow: Well, there's... uh, nothing we can say about that, is there?
    Servo: At least not during family hour.
  • Tom Servo pines for a creepy girl with a nondescript foreign accent from this movie, so much so that he sings about her in a '50s-type song:
    ♫ Lyle Waggoner's a total jerk, second only to Tommy Kirk... ♫
    • It gets especially funny when Tom spells out her name:
      Oh, C is for the uncertainty of not quite knowing what ethnic group you're from. R is for the gifts you give me every time you smile. The first E is for, uh... well, I don't really know, but the second E is really a grammatical thing, otherwise it would be "Crepy Girl," and where would that leave us? The P is definitely not for "platonic", and Y? Because I love you, my creepy girl!
    • He then tries to figure out her accent:
      Oh, what are you, creepy girl? Are you French, Italian, or one of those swarthy Gypsy types? Well, your accent suggests a Romance language, but I can't be sure. Well, we can definitely rule out a Germanic language, but it's okay! I'm a 'Bot without a country.

205: Rocket Attack USA

  • Joel and the Bots imitating Gyorgy Ligeti's Requiem, better known as the Leitmotif of the Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey, whenever a piece of blast barrier that resembles said object is on screen. In one scene, a Soviet guard ducks behind a barrier, and the riffers abruptly stop their imitation... and start it up again when the guard re-emerges.
  • The beautiful summary the guys give about the movie's "plot."

206: Ring Of Terror

  • Crow and Tom Servo pranking Joel with a fake movie sign after the intro.

208: Lost Continent

  • As the pilot intones "Dead end...dead end" into the radio:
  • As one of the scientists 'struggles' to save another from plummeting to his death:
    Crow: "You must die, my friend, to make the film more interesting."
  • Joel and the Bots nearly break during the infamous rock climbing sequence:
    Crow: Come on, God, why, why, why?! (groans)
    Tom: This is-this is a madhouse, a madhouse! (groans)
    Joel: Ugh, I never knew mountain time was so slow.
    Tom: Please.
    Lt. Danny Wilson: (in the film) Stay with me, baby.
    Crow: Come on, "stay with me, baby", is that all you can say?! (begins crying)
    Tom: Kill them all, kill them, please, kill them! (also begins crying)
    Joel: (as the bots cry) Come on, hey you guys, calm down. Hey, it's only a movie, we can handle it. Okay?
    Tom: Okay. I guess you're right.
    short beat of silence
    Joel: Who are you, where are we? Can we get a frame of reference or something, PLEASE?!
    Tom: Joel, Joel, Joel, come on.
    Joel: Oh.
    Tom: It's okay.
    Joel exhales
    Tom: It's only...rock climbing.
    Crow: Would someone please tell the director about compressing time through editing?!

210: King Dinosaur

  • From the short: "When did you start having these feeling that you were a Commissioner?"
  • Also from the short, Crow condenses the message to an easy wartime slogan:
    Crow: "If you kill yourselves here we can't kill them over there."

211: First Spaceship on Venus

  • This riff:
    Joel, Tom, Crow: We-are-scientists! Get-out-of-our-way!
  • While exploring the surface of Venus:
    Scientist: (to robot) "How long can we stay here, Omigow?"
    Servo: "About...three...minutes...ago..."
  • The Parody Commercial for Klack Foods features a variety of absolutely disgusting dishes, many of which are garnished with circus peanuts for some reason.
  • The ending skit, where Tom Servo's sarcasm sequencer goes haywire, and he gets so overwhelmingly sarcastic his head explodes.

212: Godzilla vs. Megalon

  • The Jet Jaguar Theme Song.note 
    He jock it made of steel
    Eats sushi from a pail
    Jet Jaguar? Jet Jaguar!
    He mother never really love him
    He crimefighting covers up a basic insecurity
    He dickey covers up an Adams apple the size of a Toyota
    He basically good-hearted but he'd like to smash that kid against a rock
    (Knock! Knock! Knock!)
    Who's there?
    His head looks like Jack Nicholson
    Don't smile like that, it will stay that way

    (after singing finishes) Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr. Customs Man.note 
  • After seemingly endless cuts of Godzilla swimming through the ocean, he finally arrives at the battle.
    Crow: Well, it's about time, Mr. Mark Spitz, have a nice swim? note 
  • The final fight between Godzilla and Jet Jaguar vs Megalon and Gigan, treated like a tag team Professional Wrestling match:
    Tom: So what will Godzilla bring to this fight?
    Joel: He'll bring the legend that is Godzilla!
    Crow: Yep, he's the policeman: I don't always agree with his methods, but I respect him.
    (Later, when Godzilla uproots a tree and starts clubbing Megalon with it:)
    Crow: He's got a tree! He's got a tree!! This is not the Godzilla we know; he's fighting dirty!
    Servo (as Jet Jaguar): A tree? That is not like you.
    Joel (as Godzilla, as he tosses the tree aside): You're right, it isn't even the right club for this hole. Now let's win it our way!
    Joel: This is what it all boils down to, a little game of life that we call "character".
    Crow: Yeah, even if Godzilla doesn't win this fight he's still aces in my book!
  • The guys breaking into hysterical laughter at Godzilla's "tail slide."
  • "Dysfunctional Popcorn".
  • When Megalon blasts a ship:
    Crow: "Destroy The Love Boat. Kill Gavin MacCleod."

    Season 3 
301: Cave Dwellers
  • The "flashbacks" which are a montage of the prequel to the movie.
    Crow: Geez, Tolkien couldn't follow this plot!
  • The redoing of the opening credits skit, especially the really really huge numbers of things that were apparently the property of Gizmonic Institute.
  • During the village scene...
    Ator: "Ravani was a great man..."
    Tom (as Ator): "...but dumber than a bag of hammers."
  • Practically the entire episode can count, really. Other highlights include "The second most important thing — is Peanut Butter!", Ator flies, "Urgh, I'm grinding the basil and adding some Romano cheese" and plenty of others.
  • The reactions to Ator's hang glider, summed up with Tom's perfectly delivered "This is a little ridiculous."
  • The Special Effects Failure when Ator starts bombing the castle:
    Servo: He hit Charlie McCarthy!
  • When the Mads check with the crew to see their after-movie reaction, all Joel, Tom and Crow can do is shake their heads disapprovingly and growl. Once they regain the power of speech, they rip into the movie.
    Crow: ...Okay, during the raping and pillaging, a prehistoric caveman is clearly seen wearing a pair of Ray-Bans! Who's that behind the Foster Grants? It's Ogg!
    Joel: Yeah, and what about Scarecrow's brain?
    TV's Frank and Dr. Forrester: What do you want from us? We're evil! EVIL!

303: Pod People

304: Gamera Vs. Barugon

307: Daddy-O

310: Fugitive Alien

312: Gamera vs. Guiron

  • Tom's increasingly dark accompaniments to the theme music, culminating in:
    Tom: "Now watch the kids go to their fates/they'll disappear into the woods/it will be days before they're found/Cornjob will be blamed."

313: Earth vs. the Spider

  • Tom Servo's rendition of "The Spider March":

314: Mighty Jack

  • The opening host segment features Joel and the Bots staging a disaster on the Satellite of Love, which includes Joel pretending to be dead and the trio being pelted with loads of shaving cream and silly string.
    Crow: "Wait a minute I'm BLIND! I'M BLIND! THAT THING CUT ME!"

315: Teenage Caveman

  • The short "Catching Trouble," wherein Joel and the Bots take one of the most uncomfortable cases of Values Dissonance you will ever see and turn it into a triumphant example of Crossing The Line Twice.
  • The "Catching Ross" skit afterwards was funny as it was awesome. The best part was the high pitched voice Joel used on the Ross doll as he torments it.
    "Not the giant rattler! Please! Please, not the giant rattler! I can't do that! He hates me! We went to camp together!"

316: Gamera vs. Zigra

  • "Gamera's main characteristic?! OF COURSE!" Riff: "He's FRENCH!"

317: Viking Women and the Sea Serpent

318: Fugitive Alien II

  • This exchange:
    Rocky: "They say it could blow up the universe."
    Servo: "Or worse!"
  • Crow's riff after Rocky hits Captain Joe with a tranquilizer dart.
    Ken: "I'll kill you for that!"
    Rocky: "Don't get excited, I wouldn't shoot my chief with live ammunition. It's a knock-out dart."
    Crow: "Of course, it pierced his colon."

319: War of the Colossal Beast

  • The opening sketch, with Joel and the Bots generating new Mex-American food items by mixing up random words, leading to such stunning examples as the "Bel Rocco Poco Loco Roccoco Taco" and the "Pat Morita Fajita".
    Joel: It's just part of the American way, turning a neighboring country rich in culture and beauty into a goofy appetizer.
  • The downright bizarre Mr. B Natural short/advertisement for Conn marching band instruments inspires some of Joel and the Bots' sharpest riffing.
    Servo: Ladies and gentlemen, please accept our sincere apologies for all of this. Please.
  • "There's no place in the civilized world for a creature that big."
    Servo: So we're sending him to Cleveland.

320: The Unearthly

  • This bit when Carradine and the hero are arguing and the camera suddenly cuts to one of those 'inside the human body' models:
    Joel: "Stop fighting and get me skin!"

321: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

  • Joel and the bots talking about what they want for Christmas.
    • Several of the Brains have pointed out that they probably only got away with lines like that because it was a cute robot saying them, instead of a human.
  • Their repeated Alternate Character Interpretation for Santa:
    Henderson: Hello, Santa!
    Crow: Get the hell out of my shop!
  • Crow's response to the reporter in the beginning of the movie:
    Reporter: From this spot, there's really only one place you can go—
    Crow: To hell.
  • A speechifying Santa forgets the names of some of his reindeer, and Tom quips "Yes, and what's in the pipe, Santa?"
  • The montage of fake-looking military stock footage (which, believe it or not, is real footage of a radar array) has some amusing lines.
    "Paper towel rolls are on the patio table, over!"
  • Crow's attempt at a new holiday classic: "A Patrick Swayze Christmas".
    • Servo in particular is great during this scene. He only says a couple things, but you can hear in Kevin Murphy's voice how much he's trying not to just crack up.
  • "Santa Claus, you're coming with us!"
  • Tom Servo's essay, "A Child's Christmas in Space."
    Tom: It's quiet in the cold of our own little orbit, starless and Bible-black. And as I look down on the big blue bean we would call home, I think it so near, yet... oh, I wish on that star, and I hope that in a little snow-covered house with a warm hearth and a loving family, maybe some kid is looking up tonight and wishing upon us. Oh, and how I hope sweet Santa will fly by tonight, because if he does I'm gonna reach right out and hug that big guy. Oh, for the sound of hooves against the steel hull of the ship. Oh, to see the rosy face of Santa in the portal offering me a Coke and a smile... of course, his face would be rosy, because it's a vacuum out there. I mean, Santa's heart would explode! But he wouldn't feel it because the capillaries in his brain would pop like little firecrackers due to the blood boiling away in his face like a pudding in a copper! Oh, the humanity! And his jolly old belly would start bubbling like a roasted marshmallow, eyes bulging and popping out...And the reindeer — oh, the REINDEER! — keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails! Prancer: BOOM! Dancer: BOOM!"
    • Preceding that, in the same skit, Crow's entry, also hilarious....
      Crow: Sorry, I was...all right...uh, okay... 'A Christmas Editorial' by Crow T. Robot...uh, I know, I already said that...okay...What's the big deal with Santa's elves anyway? What happens to all those dumb, trains and horses and cars? No kid ever gets 'em! Um...These are the kind of toys grandma drags out at Christmas to decorate the house...which smells like her feet no matter how much 'Essence of Yuletide' light bulb ring oil she uses...but I uh...No, these are the real misfit toys. They end up in Marshall Field's window displays and F.A.O. Schwartz catalogs or overpriced little gift shops in Vermont and Door County, Wisconsin. My message is for the elves: GEN-TLE-MEN! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? Why don't we ever see you in front of a circuit board loading microchips into a Sega-Vision with your little wooden hammers? Elf labor short? The good people at Macao are eager to take your prototypes and turn them into a hundred thousand knockoffs! Elves and Santa: Take an example from the Keeblers, now there's some fairies who know how to market! In closing, uh...step out of the legend days, fellas, and join the century of the Pacific. Oh, and Merry Christmas. The End.
  • In the airlock scene:
    Crow: (conversationally) "Have you two ever seen a grown man scream? 'Cause Santa's gonna whimper like a whipped pup."

    Season 4 

402:The Giant Gila Monster

404: Teenagers from Outer Space

  • Whenever the camera dwells on a car boot, Servo starts making muffled noises, as if there's someone being given one last ride by the Mob in it.
  • "The High Court may sentence you to torture." "TORTCHA!"

405: Being from Another Planet

  • The Mads parody the cutesy "Precious Moments" figurines with their own line of Tragic Moments Figurines, such as "Sparky's Last Romp" depicting a boy and his just-trampled-by-a-cow dog. Others in the Series; "By The Fire's Glow"note  and "I'll Get It!" note  as well as the unseen but mentioned, "Who's That With Mom?", "He Raises A Hand In Anger", "World's Deadest Grandma" and "Dad's Liquid Breakfast".
    Crow: You should be locked up for being that evil!
    Joel: (uncharacteristcally peeved) This is the sickest thing that you've ever done!

407: The Killer Shrews

  • In the short Junior Rodeo Daredevils, cattle being herded into a pen inspires Crow to quip "Animals are to be bred und SLAUGHTERED!"
  • "No shrews were hurt in the making of this picture! Well, a few..."
  • The running gag about Dixieland jazz.
  • Joel's Will Rogers "impression", which gets so bad he goes on a tangent of non-Will Rogers quotes.
  • The scene where Servo and Crow have Joel whip up a super-sugary drink called the "Killer Shrew". Joel takes one sip and passes out, then Frank tries some and starts dancing with an affronted Dr. Forrester.
    Dr. Forrester: New rule, Frank: don't ever touch me!
  • As one of the characters is rummaging for supplies to help escape:
    Servo: "Hey, 'Shrew-B-Gone'! We're saved!"

410: Hercules Against the Moon Men

  • Pants! Pants! Sing the praises of pants!
    • It ends with a parody of "If I Were King of the Forest":
      Joel: What keeps our legs warm and hot?
      Servo and Crow: Pants!
      Crow: What prevents a buffalo shot?
      Joel and Servo: Pants!
      Servo: What do they got that I ain't got?
      Joel and Crow: Pants.
      Servo: Oh, you can say that again.
  • Joel and the Bots' hysterical overreaction to the "sandstorm" scene.
  • When the Queen of the Moon Men undergoes Rapid Aging thanks to Hercules interrupting the resurrection ceremony.
    Joel: This film has aged me...
    Crow: I know how she feels.
  • Crow flat-out stating that a drawing a kid sent in during the letters segment isn't very good. The way Crow delivers the line so matter-of-factly is what sells it.

411: The Magic Sword

  • ""Dragon trainer?" They're kidding us, right?"note 
  • During the scene with the ogre:
    Servo: [in the voice of Quasimodo] Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
    Joel: [different voice] Sanctuary much!

413: Manhunt in Space

  • This exchange:
    Winkie: "It's this air, it's like Paris in the spring."
    Servo: "But Paris was destroyed in the apocalypse, Winkie."

415: The Beatniks

  • Gypsy's Mama Bear moment.
    Gypsy: Gypsy crushes Joel!
    • As Eddy pounds out his latest hit record:
      Bayliss: We'll hear this in the booth.
      Servo: I'll hear this in my nightmares!
      Crow: I'll wait for it to come out in stores.

417: Crash of the Moons

  • Joel and the Bots' old-timey "Gypsy Moon" musical number, where Crow and Servo don Barbershop Quartet getup and play two guys trying to woo a girl (Gypsy) on a canoe. It then goes off the rails when Gypsy sings that she would rather date Stacy Koon note  and Crow suddenly busts out with a Bawdy Song and Joel immediately ends the whole thing.
  • The ending: Joel and the Bots receive a "Banner-Gram," which results in Bovaro from the movie (played by John Banner) visiting the SOL. They find him so annoying that they send him to Deep 13, where he annoys Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank throughout the credits. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome for the SoL crew.
  • "Welp, I can't take a crap! Bobby's my witness."

418 Attack of the The Eye Creatures

  • The entire "They Just Didn't Care" sequence is hysterical, but the Mads' "rebuttal" from the film's director, Larry Buchanan (Mike Nelson in a torn, homemade "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt, backwards baseball cap, bad wig, and utterly vacant expression), is the icing on the cake:
    Forrester: They did too care! In fact, we've got director Larry Buchanan here with us, don't we Frank.
    Frank: Yeah. Hey Larry, c'mere. C'mere. (pulls Larry over to the camera) Larry, tell them. Tell these people. Tell them how you took your dream, your vision, and through blood, sweat, and effort, you owned that dream, and turned it into a reality through year- well, days of hard work, determination, struggle, you took that cherished dream that you had, and you... (resigned) you don't really care, do you. (Larry smiles, nods, and points at Frank as if to say, "That's right!")
    Forrester: (sighs) Push the button, Frank... (Frank shrugs and pushes the button)

419: The Rebel Set

  • Johnny at the Fair, perhaps one of the darkest shorts of the Joel era. And damn, it's hilarious.
    Narrator: Johnny can't read the words "Chemical Wonderland"...
    Joel: Oh, we've all been there.
    Narrator: ...But there are lots of people inside, so he thinks he'll check on things.
    Crow: A whispery man hands him a small package. "The first one's free," he says.
    • Later in the short, when Johnny is hopping in front of a trick mirror.
      Narrator: Johnny can't stop jumping up and down.
      Crow: The drugs from the Chemical Wonderland start to kick in.
    • "Johnny feels dark hands pressing him onward. The voices in his head get meaner."

420:The Human Duplicators

  • Hugh Beaumont angrily answers the phone:
    Crow: "The boys did what? They duplicated Lumpy!?"

421: Monster a Go-Go

Narrator: There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics...
Servo: "Oops"?
Narrator: ..."radiation".
Servo: Oh.
  • The unconvincing "space capsule" that was supposedly used to send a man into space:
    Servo: Douglas was pear-shaped, very short and stood the whole way.
  • "Yes, I made that phone noise."
  • The hilarious song Tom sings during the Circus On Ice short:
    Tom Servo (Singing): These two girls, they make quite a pair. They both come from your worst nightmare. They will haunt your soul forever. And now. When you see pink. You're gonna think. "We're doomed." They are agents of Satan...
    Joel (Laughing): Stop it, Tom.
  • Later in the same short, we are shown a lone figure skater's on-ice interpretation of a happy deer fawn's last moments as hunters draw nearer:
    Joel: Viscera is trailing from her stomach; the meat will not be good.
    Tom Servo and Crow (in unison): Venison! Venison! Venison!
  • Even the tone of voice TV's Frank uses to announce the short is hilarious.
    Frank: Circus.
    Forrester: [Chuckles gleefully]
    Frank: ...on Ice.
    Forrester: [Laughs maniacally]
  • The episode starts on a high note with the Invention Exchange, which has an action figure theme. Dr. Forrester declares that if Joel's invention is judged superior, the SoL crew will get to watch Local Hero, but if the Mads' invention is declared superior, they will have to suffer through Monster a-Go Go. Frank is appointed judge and, naturally, makes no pretense of being impartial. The Mads' invention is nevertheless a classic - Johnny Longtorso, the action figure who is himself sold separately.
    Forrester, Frank: (singing while marching in place) Johnny Longtorso, Johnny Longtorso, the man who comes in pieces! (whip noise) He's long!note 
  • The instantly-memetic "I'm the wind, baby!"
  • "Take that kazoo out of your mouth!"
  • Joel and the Bots dissecting "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)":
    Tom: Since 72 percent of the American population lives in a landlocked state or province, in actuality this couple has no idea whether they like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape!
    The Bots: Let's see, uh...."Hungry as hell...gee, that leg looks swell...." (the later bit is not a real lyric).
  • "This has been a test broadcast. Had this been an actual movie, you would have been entertained."

422: The Day the Earth Froze

  • Circus shorts tend to bring out the dark humor in the cast. In Here Comes the Circus, Joel chides the bots for it...
    [Clowns are waving to kids in the stands]
    Crow: Now make way for the Ku Klux Klowns! Wooo...
    Tom: Yes, children of all ages are confronted by forces they can't begin to understand.
    Crow: "Sieg heil!"
    Tom: "Sieg heil, kids!"
    Joel: Hey, guys; c'mon, lighten up...
    [Later, during the elephant act...]
    Joel: An elephant snaps its tether and kills a coolie!
    [The bots gasp]
    Tom: Now who's getting dark? Heh heh, I mean I like it, but...
  • The Failure song and dance.
    • Just about everything regarding the hero's ineptitude, really.
      "Let us be gay, for he is a dickweed!"
      "Are you with the bride or the failure?"
  • Joel and the bots trying to figure out what exactly is sampo.

423: Bride Of The Monster

  • This:
    Dr. Eric Vornoff: I am not coming home.
    Crow (as Vornoff): Not till Mommy says she's sorry.
  • Hired! The Musical. It's as funny as it is crazy. A particular crowner is every time Gypsy echoes a line, Joel looks up in the background with the ultimate WTF expression.

424: "Manos" The Hands of Fate

  • The episode gets off to a flying start with the Invention Exchange:
    • The Mads have a guillotine to chop the heads off chocolate Easter bunnies with a minimum of mess.
      Dr. Forrester: (reading execution order) "You have stolen painted eggs in a time of famine." Ah, off with their head, Frank.
    • And on the Joel side of the Exchange, the Cartuner, which merges comic strips together to make new ones.
      Joel, Tom, Crow: Ziggy had Garfield neutered? NOW THAT'S FUNNY!
  • "And there goes Torgo, he's rounding the Master, heading for the straightaway and there he goes!"
  • After a particularly long scene where the actors are all standing around, not saying anything to each other:
  • "The damn car won't start." "Yeah, that's a real bitch, Daddy."
  • Michael orders Torgo to put their bags back in the car:
    Michael: "Right now! Fast, damn it, fast!"
    Joel: [as Torgo, sarcastically] Yeah, here I go. Vroom.
  • "Oh look dear, Torgo has a little altar to Ba'al."
  • As Torgo takes nearly a whole minute to stand up and say one line:
    Joel: DO SOMETHING!! God!

    Season 5 
501: Warrior of the Lost World
  • 'The Paper Chase Guy' (the main character) has an extremely annoying sidekick in the form of a talking computer built into his motorcycle. When they confront the villains' battle-modified dump truck, code-named 'Megaweapon,' the moto-robo-sidekick becomes a Sacrificial Lion. To great rejoicing.
    Tom (as the motorcycle is being ground under Megaweapon's wheels): Go, Megaweapon, go!
    Crow: Make it slow! Yesssss...
    Joel': Our long national nightmare is over!
    Tom: I can't tell you how richly satisfying this is.
  • In their post-film review, the 'bots are expressing their disdain for the movie. Then Joel reminds them of the one thing they did appreciate: Megaweapon! Tom and Crow burst into geeky fanboy gushing:
    Crow: I'm definitely going to name my first child 'Megaweapon'.

503: Swamp Diamonds

504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

  • As Super Dragon pounces on a thug in the docks, xylophone music plays.
    Crow: Hooray, I'm Super Clown!

506: Eegah!

  • The episode hits the ground running with the opening sketch in which Tom and Crow are trying to get Crow's temperature down to absolute zero.
    Joel: Hi everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love, I'm Joel R- hey, wait a minute, what's with the Crow-in-the-box?
    Tom: Oh, we're bringing his temperature down to absolute zero! Seems like it might be kinda fun.
    Joel: (feels outside of box, then puts on industrial glove and hurries around the table to the box) Wait a minute, you can't do that, if you go to absolute zero there'll be no molecular motion, it'll start a chain reaction and kill us all!
    Tom: Yeah, that's kinda how it played out in our scenario- (realisation dawns) well, wait a minute, that's kind of stupid, isn't it!?
    Joel: Yeah, it's stupid, we gotta get him outta there! (reaches into box... only for Crow to fall apart as soon as Joel touches him)
    Tom: Oh, good one, Joel!
    Joel: Oops. Uh, we'll be right back, I...
    Tom: I'm not puttin' him back together, either! (leaves)
    Crow: I'm shattered!
    (after the break, Crow is sloppily put together with clamps, clothes pegs and glue)
    Joel: Okay, there ya go, good as new.
    Crow: Sure! If you ignore the massive structural damage and my complete lack of any re- resale value...
    Joel: Yeah, I was ignoring that.
    (Tom enters, his dome filled with doll heads)
    Tom: (dazed, speech slurred) Oh hi! Say, would you guys hurry up with that glue? It's really starting to affect me... (faints)
  • The hilarity continues through the Invention Exchange, in which Joel has invented the Porkerina to imitate the incidental music on The Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, and Petticoat Junction, while Dr. Forrester drains all of Frank's blood, replaces it with antifreeze, and installs a radiator in his chest... For Science!!
    Dr. Forrester: That's why I've drained Frank's blood...
    Joel, Tom and Crow: You WHAT?! You can't do that!
  • "Watch out for snakes."
  • Right out of the gate with Arch Hall, Jr.'s (yeah, the character has a name, but come on) first appearance:
    Arch: Hey, Roxy!
    Joel (as Arch): Sorry about my face!
  • Joel and the 'bots mock Arch's shrill voice as he calls out Roxy's name while searching for her after she is kidnapped by Eegah. Later on, as he searches silently, they continue to imitate his calling out for her in a mock-tired voice, as if to simulate how tiring it is.
    • When the three of them make fun of Arch's singing by howling like wolves at the end of his "Vicky" song and pretending that Eegah is going to bash his head to make him stop when Arch is singing in the desert.

507: I Accuse My Parents

  • The show often made fun of the social attitudes at the times that the film du jour was made, but never with more shocking directness than during I Accuse My Parents, when the protagonist skates on a manslaughter charge just because he had drunk parents: "Wow. Thank God I'm white!"
  • The clearing-the-land sequence from The Truck Farmer short. "Early tractor pulls, not that much fun... this is the freestyle competition!" "Aaaugh, it's Killdozer!! Clint Walker, no!"
  • The Invention Exchange from this episode features the Mads' Cake-and-Shake. Frank's idea to fold the exotic dancer into the cake before baking is rather ill-received by Dr. Forrester.
    Crow: Oh, it's beefcake!
  • When Jimmy decides on the spot to rob a restaurant: "Uh, c-...can I...can I rob you?"
  • Quite a few of the jokes about Jimmy winning the essay contest are funny, but this one takes the cake, after Jimmy comes home after being beat up by a couple of mobsters:
    Jimmy: Mom! Dad!
    Joel: I won the Get-The-Crap-Kicked-Out-Of-You Contest!
  • The series of embellishments Joel and the Bots tack on after Jimmy says he's just doing the shoe boy gig till his dad buys the place.
  • "If I had parents, I'd accuse them right now."
    • "I accuse her hair."
  • To represent Jimmy's subconscious mind, they bring out an elaborate balancing mobile full of words and ideas spinning around. It's simple, yet sublimely hilarious.
    • "Hey, there's 'stupid.' Really big!"
  • When Tom and Crow try to get Joel to give them a hamburger, by pointing a tank at him!
  • "Eleanor Roosevelt is pissed!"
  • Kitty: "And this is Aunt Harriet." Crow: "'Nuff said."
  • (after Jimmy finishes his story to the judge) "Seeing as it's your birthday, you're free to go."

508: Operation Double-007

  • The Running Gag of people wanting Neil Connery's brother's autograph.
  • "The Sean and Neil Show: Parallel Lives" segment, comparing the Connery brothers' lives and showing Sean making a respectable and steady acting career for himself while Neil's (fictitious) life of low-wage jobs and questionable hygiene steadily declines — until Sean did Highlander II: The Quickening and, for a moment, Neil was on top.
    Crow: And no what matter what goes wrong with his life, Neil can always look in the mirror and say to himself, "well, at least I didn't do Zardoz".
  • This bit from when Beta tells Thanatos about his plan:
    Beta: All metals will be instantly affected.
    Crow: Animals vill be bred and SLAUGHTERED!
  • Joel and the Bots' boredom during the long, long scene where the fake nun sets up a zipline to kidnap Yashuko from the hospital.
    Joel: Boy, I'd kill for a Jump Cut right about now.
    Joel: Is this a documentary on how to do this, whatever it is?
  • The reactions to the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment where a pack of women take out some guards while dressed as showgirls from a Western burlesque...then change into cat/skunk costumes and redecorate a truck like a casino showcase float
    Crow: Am I tripping, Joel?
    • They girls leave to a loud bright jazz music cue... and Gilligan Cut to a table of sinister men.
      Tom: (as Thanatos head) The hell was THAT?
  • When Neil hits on a woman:
    Crow!Commander: Just remember, your name is Neil Connery. Now get on the plane!
  • The With Lyrics bit with the "OK Connery" theme song in the opening credits! Joel add their own silly lyrics to the lady singing. Here's one big highlight....
    Joel: "He likes to wear mittens!"
    Crow: "He's got a deviated septum!"
    Tom: "He's a real big faaaaan of Delllllta Buuuurrrke!"
    Joel: "He gets his hair cut on Tuesdays!"
    Crow: "He prefers stuffing to potatoes!"
    Servo: "His favorite movie is ''Turner and Hooooooooooch!'' Hey!"
  • Joel briefly goes insane and begins acting like the film's Diabolical Mastermind, forcing the bots into sexy costumes and strutting around to the tune of a ludicrously catchy jazz tune. His response to any objection: a smug "I know".

509 The Girl in Lovers Lane

  • During a head-on shot of an approaching train:
    Crow: Um. Uh, Camera Three, get off the track... Camera Three — oh DEAR GOD!!

510: The Painted Hills

511: Gunslinger

  • The opening scene has a woman walking down a town street and entering a building with a pair of men on horseback obviously waiting around the corner for their cue.
    Joel: Ah, cue the horses.
    Crow: [snickering] Corman...!
  • Early in the film, Erika comes to see Cain in his room, but thanks to a bad case of Special Effects Failure, the door opens outward, leading Crow to sputter out:
    Crow: Hey... wait a minute, doors don't open like that... there's a number... he's in the hall!
    • The other scenes that focus on Cain's room would end up either having the women asking why his stuff is in the hall or Cain musing why the girls are in his room when they leave.
  • Near the end of the episode, Mayor Polk goes to confront Cain. He reaches back for his guns, which aren't there:
    Joel: [as Polk] Draw, er... wait a sec!
  • This is followed by Polk approaching Cain with a pitchfork, the angling of the camera causing Crow and Tom to sing out part of the Green Acres theme!
    Crow: [as Polk approaches] Do-doo, do-do-doo, the chores!
    Tom Servo: Do-doo, do-do-doo, [switches to Cain] ...the hell?

512: Mitchell

513: The Brain That Wouldn't Die

  • One of Mike's first riffs:
    as Darth Vader: Luke, join me or you'll star in Corvette Summer.
  • In one of the scenes showing the models smiling into the camera Tom Servo delivers an extremely goofy and nasally "HIII!!".

514: Teen-Age Strangler

  • This exchange:
    Mikey: Betty, I gotta talk to you! I just gotta!
    Tom: (imitating Mikey's high-pitched nasal voice) I think I'm a hermaphrodite!

515: The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman

  • Tom's freakout. "END! EEEEEEEEEEEEEND!"
  • The entire Cheating short:
    • Miss Grandy haunting John as a disembodied visage:
    Miss Grandy: "Did you really earn that grade, John?"
    Servo: (as John) Oh, hi Miss Grandy — Ah, AAAAAAAAAAAGHHH! GET AWAY!!
  • Servo flipping out over Crow's cheating. "BURN HIM! HE MUST BE DESTROYED! BURN HIM! BUUUUUUUURN HIIIIIM!"
    • Honestly, Tom is on fire throughout this entire episode.
  • They note that the evil scientist disguised as a waiter has a...specific kind of look:
    Crow: Hey, Hitler! We want to order here!"
  • The entire, bizarre seance scene gets the treatment it deserves.
  • Flanagan calls up Batwoman while completely drunk.
    Mike: Hey, look, it's the producer!

516: Alien from L.A.

  • Crow's squeaky Kathy Ireland impressions.
    • And, for that matter, Kathy Ireland's acting.
  • The 'Name that Emotion' skit, in which Mike is supposed to guess the character's emotions based on still shots from the movie. Once he realizes that every still-shot shows Dull Surprise, he racks up quite a high score. And, yes, this is the Trope Namer.

517: Beginning of the End

  • Mike and the 'Bots interrupting the Mads' "Us Day". Mike has to close Crow's mouth for him.
  • Servo's random impression of Frank Nelson. "EEE-yeeeeesss?"
  • "We're not afraid of big ol' bugs / Army guys like gentle hugs!"
    Wainwright: [very firmly and forcefully] "You know I'm not given to hysteria, and you've got to listen to me with an open mind!"
    Tom Servo: [panicked, hysterical gibberish] ARUHRAAGHWE'REALLGONNADIEAHDAHCRICKETSGFNUHH
  • A truly glorious example of Getting Crap Past the Radar occurs when Audrey is driving Graves and his assistant out to the disaster area (with Graves sitting next to her)
    Mike: "Wait, this isn't a stick-shift... AAAGGHHH!"
  • The final sketch of the episode has the Mads trying to assert their manliness after their early, erm, hobbies were discovered... By boxing and beating the crap out of each other. And as Dr. Forrester is about to push the button to end the episode Frank punches Dr. F in the back knocking him on the ground... and finishes by kicking him hard enough to sendhis spectacles flying.

518: The Atomic Brain

  • The Invention Exchange, with Crow and Tom imitating Dr. F and Frank, and vice-versa. The meta joke of Trace's two characters mocking each other is delicious. "I'm Dr. Clayton Forrester, and I've got my head stuck up m--"

519: Outlaw

  • The rather copious amounts of flesh on display in Outlaw [of Gor] inspire Mike and the Bots to pay homage to them in song. "It's an areological, autoerotical tubular boobular joy! / An exposular-regional, batchical-pouchular fun for girl and boy!"
  • The crew reading Jack Palance's diary while the movie was being filmed. In the last entry, Jack says he may have killed someone.
  • As the closing credits of the movie roll, Mike says that the movie probably aired on the USA Networknote . This leads to them making up various USA original movies, complete with cast. Six of them star Jeff Conaway.
    Mike: They all seem to have titles like Malibu Death Breast.
  • In the first act, The Mads have pretended to build a time machine. Dr. Forrester stops in Caveman Times, while TV's Frank visits Ancient Rome. In the last part, they do various dances, starting with a waltz, then moving to the Charleston, a medley of '60s dances, and ending with the tango. Dr. Forrester accidentally drops Frank on the floor, then, trying to act like nothing has happened, pushes the button.
  • The movie features quite possibly the most annoying sidekick in film history. Not five minutes in and the guys have had enough:
    All: (chanting) "Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!"

520: Radar Secret Service

  • Radar Secret Service is preceded by the driving-safety short Last Clear Chance. After the kid's brother has been killed in a car crash:
    Mike (as cop): You know, son, 40% of all accidents...
    Servo (as kid): OH, SHUT UP, will ya!
    • "Would you identify this bucketful of your brother?"
    • "And yet, many people who've lived through a crossing accident will say..." "AGGHHHHH!!!!"
    • The sketch that results from this is also incredible.
      Tom: Nearly 40% of all accidents, nearly half of all accidents. But who cares?! Have fun with your lint trap! Nothing will happen to you! It'll happen to...the other guy!'
      Mike: [Thrusts lint into his own face] AAAAAAAAHH!
      Crow: Why don't they l-
      Mike: [Cutting off Crow and thrusting more lint into his own face] AAAAAAAAHH!
      Crow: Why don't they look?
    • Culminating in Servo's epic Screw This, I'm Outta Here!:
    Servo: "Why do I even bother with the brainless gibbons who live in this stinking hole of a town!? Well, I wash my hands of it, brother! Ptah!"

521: Santa Claus

  • The disastrous attempt at Christmas caroling in the opening bit of Santa Claus.
  • "The devil is a wiener!"
  • "We're gonna burn burn burn those calories off!"
  • When Santa uses a magic key to unlock the gates to a house, the guys start making security alarm noises, with a barking dog to sell it.
  • "Ho ho...Oh, I forgot France. Oh well! Ho ho ho!"
  • "A pentagram and a reindeer laughing, you figure it out."

522: Teen-Age Crime Wave

  • From Teenage Crime Wave, Mystos. Dear Lord, MYSTOS!
  • And the "Ode to Doughy Guys".
  • When Ben comes home;
    Ben: Where's mom?
    Mike enters the room
    Crow, as Mike: I'm mom, now!
  • When Mike starts wailing over Terry's death, Crow tells him to let it all out and "have a teen-age cry wave".

    Season 6 
602: Invasion USA
  • The initial sketch has Mike attempting to build his own robot pal. It goes... Poorly to say the least.

604: Zombie Nightmare

  • The Mood Whiplash from Tony's father getting killed by thugs to instantly cutting to a grown-up Tony happily winning a softball game results in this gem from Servo.
    Servo: (as Tony) "Gee, ever since Dad got murdered, things have been great!"
  • About the song "Midnight Man" at the club:
    Mike: What is this, Deathmask featuring Olivia Newton-John?
  • The hilariously nasal voice of the coroner.
    Servo: Is he talking to the Penguin?
    Mike: Uh, about your voice...
  • This bit:
    Maggie: I'm old enough to be your older sister!
    Jim: Oh, I like that! I've always wanted to make it with my older sister.
    Crow: Oh, so Canada has a South too.
  • When the corrupt police chief is Dragged Off to Hell by a zombie:
    Crow: "WOW! Hell is right there!"
    Servo: "Yeah, that's why you're supposed to call before you dig."

605: Colossus and the Headhunters

606: Creeping Terror

  • The entire sequence with Bobby and his extremely rotund grandfather.
    Crow: This is a portrayal of deep clinical psychosis.
    Crow: (as the grandpa deals with an extremely steep slope) Uh oh, here comes the most challenging scene of this movie!
  • The entire dance party sequence is tremendous fodder as well, especially the one spastic dancer the crew compares to Jerry Lewis. They all laugh at the Dull Surprise reaction, "My God. What is it?"
    Crow: Even the chemistry teacher is getting down!
  • After the narrator announces that the monster next appeared in 'Lover's Lane,' we get yet another shot of the incredibly ponderous beast struggling up a hill:
    Servo: "What's that say? 'Lover's Lane: Eight miles'?! AWWWW!"
  • The monster crawls on top of a convertible to eat its occupants, setting the whole car rocking:
    Crow: He's mistaken the car for a lady monster! Eww!

607: Bloodlust

  • Gypsy tries - and fails - to call Mrs. Forrester Witch with a Capital B:
    Gypsy: Now I understand why he's so sick! Boy, I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with "bitch"! Oh! I mean, with "witch"! I meant "witch!"
    [Movie Sign activates, and everyone panics]
    Tom: Wow! She said it! She said the word! [Singing] Gypsy's in trouble, Gypsy's in trouble...
    [Later, when they get into the theater]
    Tom: Can I say it?
    Mike: No, you can't say it...
  • The incredibly bizarre start of the first sketch:
    Mike: [while wearing a wig and fake nose, and carrying a clarinet] Uh, I'm gonna go off and be, uh, Kenny G, so I'll see ya later.
    [Mike leaves]
  • Crow's attempt at a square dance starts out normally enough, then gets weird:
    Crow: Oh, a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, then a senseable meal that you can munch! Lowest prices all the time, refeshing splash of lemon-lime! (Suddenly loses it) THEY'VE CLOSED THE MINES! THE FACTORIES, TOO!
    (Crow dissolves into unintelligable shouting as Mike, Tom, and Gypsy go nuts and start beating each other up)
    Crow: (Still screaming) THERE'S NO FUTURE! NO FUTURE! AHHH! AHHHHH! ANARCHY! ANARCHY! (Suddenly composed) Now, promenade!

608 Codename Diamond Head

  • Magic Voice's "What-if" scenarios.
  • As Tso-Tsing picks up a ringing phone:
    Tom: This is Quinn Martin; we're not going to series.
  • The short "A Day at the Fair" kicks things off with this brilliant piece of Captain Obvious:
    Narrator: "This is the fair ground, where the fair is held."
    Servo: "Any questions so far?"
    • Also from the short, after the farm boys return from watching the horse race:
    Servo: "Dad I owe Big Lenny forty-two large!"

608 The Skydivers

  • As the remarkably stuffed opening titles roll by:
    Tom: Oh, I know what this is; it's an I Can't Pay You, But I'll Put Your Name In The Credits cast list.
  • "Coffee? That's better than sex!"

610: The Violent Years

  • From The Violent Years, that musical classic... Tom Servo's theme song.
  • The short Young Man's Fancy is hilarious from beginning to end, but certain bits stand out:
    • Bob runs downstairs after a shower:
    Servo: "Hey, where's the fire-extinguisher?!"
    • Judy on the phone, discussing Alex:
    Judy: "When I look at him I get, you know, squishy!"
    Mike: "Uh, that's nice, ma'am, I'm just trying to sell my magazines..."

611: Last of the Wild Horses

  • The Mirror Universe sendup means that the good versions of Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank handle the first theater segment, and they prove to be as funny as the SOL crew and then some.
    • "Starring these people and plenty of vitamins and minerals!"
    • "Did I say 'Throw them'? Now do it again!"
    • The "[X] of the Olllllllld West!" Running Gag. "Foot fetishists of the Olllllllld West!" even crosses over with another running gag involving characters' feet and/or shoes. ("Let's go barefoot all summer!")
    • "It's a sprawling studio apartment ranch!"
    • "He drank our apple juice!"
    • Capped off with, to Tom and Gypsy's horror, the Good Mads' rendition of "Joey the Lemur" in Segment 2.

614: San Francisco International

  • There's a subplot about a couple going through a divorce and the effect it has on their teenage son, which, honestly, few viewers probably cared about. But when the same kid steals an Ercoupe and has to be talked through flying and landing safely, we're treated to some of the darkest, most deliciously hilarious riffs ever.
    "Davey? All those people down there are getting divorced because of you!"
    "The faces of those you’ve wronged will be floating up on your left."
    "By the way, Davey, where are your dental records?"
    • Earlier, Davey is looking through the binoculars at the planes and Pernell teases him by putting his hand in front of the lens:
    Crow: (as Davey) "AH! THE HAND OF GOD! Oh."

615: Kitten with a Whip

  • Mike hazing himself before the Bots could by dressing in drag, piercing his nose, and drinking witch hazel, much to their dismay.

616: Racket Girls

  • Mike and the 'Bots adding war sound effects to a close up of the girl from "Are You Ready For Marriage?" staring blankly at the camera.
  • Mike and the Bots being alternately turned-on and disgusted by all the vintage footage of scantily-clad women fighting.
    Crow: I'm being turned on by a woman long dead... (sighs, shudders)
  • Tom and Crow getting married, only for Dr. Forrester (who's officiating) to get fed up with the nosy tourists who've wandered into Deep 13 and start a fight with them, which leads to everyone wrestling and beating the crap out of each other.
  • "Police cars, not dissimilar to these, were called to the scene. This is a narrative approximation of something that may or may not have happened."

617: The Sword and the Dragon

  • A joke by Ingmar Bergman. note 

619: Red Zone Cuba

  • The movie's attempted depiction of the Bay of Pigs invasion is so inept and absurd it gives the SOL crew a good 20 minutes or so of sustained mockery. A couple highlights:
    • "Fidel Castro" (i.e. Tony Cardoza in a uniform with a huge, ill-fitting beard and cigar) writes something down.
    Crow: GET...REAL...BEARD.
    • A woman dressed as a peasant holding a doll runs between the soldiers.
    Crow: (stilted) I am a Cuban and this is my Cuban infant.
    Mike: (equally stilted) I am a Cuban looking for Cuban safety here in Cuba.
    • Before that the guys have a lot of fun with the fact that the invasion force appears to consist of maybe half-a-dozen guys:
    Servo: "Ted, you take Havana."

620: Danger!! Death Ray

  • The officials and saboteurs walk down a nondescript hallway.
    Crow: Ladies and gentlemen, your pasty white Europeans!
    Servo: Buckaroo Banzai goes to the nursing home!
    Mike: They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in groups.
  • The scientist being kidnapped by helicopter and taken to the bad guys' submarine involves so many painfully obvious model effects that there are too many quips from Mike and the bots to list here, but Crow just straight up giggling at the sights and noting "Special effects by Billy!" are standouts.

621: The Beast of Yucca Flats

  • This bit from the short:
    Benjamin Franklin: "You must learn how to manage your money!"
    William: "What money?"
    Mike: (as Franklin) "Don't smart-mouth me, boy."
  • And this one:
    Benjamin Franklin: "Plan your spending."
    William: (sarcastically) "Oh, that sounds all right if you've got a lot of money to play with."
    Servo: (as Franklin) "Listen, you little toad..."
  • During the shot of Tor grabbing at the suitcase during the nuclear explosion.
    Crow: (as Tor) "My Lunchables!"

622: Angels Revenge

  • Crow complains about having amnesia, spouting off things he shouldn't know if he did (his name, the date, his friends, obscure historical references). After getting struck by a clown hammer, he realizes he didn't have amnesia, he had Ambrosia (a '70s pop group). He starts singing their hit "The Biggest Part of Me" ("make a wish, baby.").
    Servo: Hit him again. Harder this time.
  • As the Angels pose in one shot:
    Mike: (as an Angel) Who's not thrusting?
    Crow: And who brought the brain?
    April: We've got surprise on our side!
  • As one Angels climbs a ladder, shown from below.
    Crow: HEY! You're giving away the plot!
  • The movie is so blatantly exploitative that Crow just can't take it anymore!
    Crow: ... all right, I'm giving in and looking at the breasts.
    Mike: (motherly) No, don't.
  • As a baddie looks in his girly magazine:
    Crow: (as baddie) Wish I hadn't bought a Playgirl. Aw, heck, they're nude anyway.
    Mike: (as one Angel) Patty, is that the issue you're in?
    Servo: Beer and porn DO make the shift go faster.
  • As the same baddie takes his magazine into an outhouse:
    Mike: Even for me, it's quite pungent in here.
  • When the compound is exploding.
    Servo: (as a barrel rockets in the air) Wee-hoo! That's some hot chili!
    Mike: My Charlie Daniels Band t-shirts were in there!
    Mike again: The air is filled with Slim Jims and obscene trucker tapes.
  • When Michelle is performing her disco song "Shine Your Love", Mike whinnies at a closeup of her long face.
    Crow: (as a depressed bettor walking in) I lost twenty thousand dollars!
    Crow: (crusty) Hey, how about shinin' my steak over here?!
  • Crow: This was Jim Backus' first film after he died.
  • During Michelle's photo shoot:
    Terry: [Michelle]'s a top model.
    Mike: That's why they're shooting her in mall parking lots.
    Servo: She's bouncing on Alan Hale's stomach!
    Crow: Miss Max-Fly.note 
  • When a baddie bunches April in the gut.
    Servo: HEY! That's my womb!
  • All of the torture scenes with Sticks.
    Servo: They're revoking his membership!
    Crow: (as Sticks) Can I have my wiener back?
  • Mike reacts to Terry being a Sassy Black Woman:
    Mike: Right on, Wilona!
  • Watching Terry walking.
    Mike: Sheesh, she's an arachnid!
  • The general joke of a past-his-prime Arthur Godfrey being a burping, sleazy Dirty Old Man.
  • Mike and the 'bots being turned into the cast of Renegade. It doesn't last.
  • Frank dressed as Bobby Riggs and Forrester as Billie Jean King (while retaining his Skunk Stripe mustache.)

623: The Amazing Transparent Man

  • "You people bring matches for Mikey?"
    • Llama!Crow's screaming is hilarious, in that it sounds nothing like a llama.

624: Samson vs. the Vampire Women

  • Crow's laugh when you first see El Santo is priceless.
  • Every time the devil shows up. "I have a question!"

    Season 7 

701: Night Of The Blood Beast

  • Crow's riff over the short's opening shot of Fluffy Cloud Heaven:
  • The Running Gag of referring to everyone as 'Steve'.
  • The crew has a ball with the Camp Gay angel Wilbur.
    Crow: (as head angel) Just go, you big poof!
    Crow: Honey, is that a gay man on the Johnsons' roof?
    Servo: Should we get a gay man for our roof, honey?
  • As Jeffhas music writer's block while being denied his honeymoon.
    Mike: (as Jeff) What would Liberace do? (beat) Better not to that.
  • A line where the delivery turns it from simple quip to gut-buster:
    Crow:(As a woman in the background stares vacantly at the ground) Look, a frog!
  • The host segment from the non-Turkey Day version parodying "Once Upon A Honeymoon", from Tom's disastrous entrance as "Wilbur" to Gypsy's outrageous requests including a phone with a built-in Easy-Bake Oven and a phone made out of an ocelot.
  • The last host segment in the Turkey Day version has Dr. Forrester's unwanted guests all gravely ill. The cause?
    Pearl: Well, I saw that you were really so very unhappy and I remembered how that old recipe of mine always brought a smile to your face.
    Dr. Forrester: Oh, Turkey Surprise!
    Pearl: Cook turkey at 200 degrees for one hour, let stand, then rub it with a turtle.

702: The Brute Man

  • "The Chicken of Tomorrow" is one of the show's all-time funniest shorts.
    • Regarding the title:
      Crow: (delightedly) The Bill Clinton Story!
      Servo: The Chicken of Tomorrow in a deadly battle with the Chicken of Today!
    • Mike: "I'd like to be the Chicken of Tomorrow, but how can I be more the Man of Today?"
    • Mike speaks for one of the toddlers handling some chicks in the grass: "How many are you sitting on?"
    • As eggs are shown about to be shipped by truck:
      Narrator: Now "Wait a minute," you may be saying —
      Crow: (in the same tone of voice) "Why am I watching this?"
    • "This could be your drumstick. This is the number to call."note 

703: Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell

  • The entire segment of Crow reading a book to a sick Pearl called Love's Sweet Throbbing Gondola.
    Pearl: (to Forrester, in a daze) There was a small golden man reading to me from a dirty book.

704: The Incredible Melting Man

  • The guys had a ball with the Big-Lipped Alligator Moment scene with the old couple.
    Mike: They were open-minded to cast aliens in these roles.
    Servo: Did someone switch reels on us?!
    Crow: What is happening?!
    • Then:
      Servo: She's got huge bird feet!
      (Crow starts making odd chicken clucks and turkey gobbles)
    • Also:
      Mike: The Incredible Melting Grandma!
    • Some good riffs during the Melting Man's attempt to get the young redneck woman:
      Servo: (when she screams as she discovers the Melting Man eating her boyfriend) The eight-track ate Flirtin' With Disaster!
      Crow: (as she screams during a freak-out after cutting his arm off) God I hate this wallpapeeeerrrrr!
  • After Dr. Ted Nelson identifies himself and is immediately shot by security guards:
    Mike (As the Melting Man): Whoa! Not Ted Nelson! No relation to Ted Nelson here!

706: Laserblast

  • "Look, are you READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!" becoming a big Running Gag.note 
  • The SoL is heading straight for a black hole! There's only one man who can save the! One woman...Captain Janeway! Sorta!
    • "Captain Janeway" then ends up singing "Proud Mary." It must be seen to be believed.
  • The ludicrous translated voices given to the turtle aliens. "Howdy-doo!"
    • When the turtle alien captain is (apparently) chewing out his underlings, one turns to the other:
    Mike: Well, did you?!
  • The main character finds a device left behind by the aliens and begins to slowly insert his arm into it.
    Servo: Look, somebody threw away a perfectly good arm remover.
  • Servo's reaction to the main characters making out:
    Servo: Ugh, nature videos of big spiders going at it are more appealing.
  • When the turtle aliens find the wreckage of the car blew up to kill Eddie Deezen's character, one of them has to get the attention of the other while he's turned the other way fiddling with a waist-high Cow Tool — which Tom Servo turns into a skit where the alien is trying to play "I'm Going Home" (by the band Ten Years After).
    Crow: Uh, Steve? Steve! The film crew...

    Season 8 
801: Revenge of the Creature

802: The Leech Woman

803: The Mole People

804: The Deadly Mantis

  • "When you killed me, I diiiiied!" "Are we in the Southern part of the Galaxy?" The funniest part is that Crow is asleep for the entire segment - well, he does perk up to declare he likes the "Albuquerque Turkey" song.
  • "But I've got a mantis in my pant-is!"
  • The opening segment has multiple sources of hilarity. The apes repairing the religious cult's "holy and everlasting Bomb", unaware all the while that they will be killed if it detonates (the heading "Bomb will detonate but people aren't dying" in the "Troubleshooting" section of the manual somehow does not tip them off); Mike inadvertently helping them render the bomb operational (to the Bots' horror); the Nanites building an entire control system in the SoL in a fraction of a second after tracking down a misplaced work order (when Mike asks why, if it could be built so quickly, they did not do the job weeks ago, the Nanite foreman scoffs, "Hey, I don't go to the john without a work order!"); and Mike dramatically pointing forward and declaring, "Engage," only for nothing to happen until Crow clears his throat and motions toward the throttle. Cue an Earth-Shattering Kaboom as they leave the planet.

806: The Undead

  • The closing segment sees Bobo making a sandwich using some rye, lettuce, a tomato, mayonnaise (pronounces "Mayo-NAISE!!") and, courtesy of the Enrichment Chamber, the Observer's brain.
    • Every time he cuts the brain with his knife, or bites it, he hears someone screaming. When he realises what's causing the scream, he hastily sticks the brain back together using tape and runs off, only to then come back for the jar of mayonnaise.

808: The She Creature

  • "Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi"
    Crow: (creepy monotone) Go ahead, Mike. Tickle him.
    Mike: No!
    Crow: Oh, I think you'd better, Mike. Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi doesn't like to be disappointed."
  • Pearl deals with a personnel issue:
    Pearl: Unless I'm mistaken, and what are the odds of that, the Brain Guys are about to dissect Bobo.
    Bobo: Could we get on with this dissection? It's almost mealtimes!
    Pearl: Bobo's very stupid.
  • A second planet falls to Mike's incompetence:
    Ned the Nanite: Hey, Steve! Mr. Nelson wants a number seven!
    Wade the Nanite: Pronto!
    Mike: Well, there you go! That took care of... Hey, what's a number seven, anyway?
    Everyone: AAAAHHH!
    Servo: Mike! You blew up another planet! What is your deal?!
    Mike: I just told them to take care of a little problem!
    Crow: And they did! Here comes Mike: Destroyer of Worlds!
    Servo: Oh, god of fire and vengeance, stay away from me!

809: I Was a Teenage Werewolf

  • Bobo is in full Butt-Monkey mode, as Pearl assigns him the most arduous tasks, partly For the Evulz.
    Pearl: Eeny, meeny, myny - BOBO!
  • The S.O.L. crew lampshade the Designated Victim boy who takes the... ahem "scenic" way home.
    Boy: I'll take that shortcut through the woods.
    (shortly later)
    Crow: (as boy) I'm probably pretty tasty and well-marbled. Not something I've often thought of.
    Servo: I Was a Teenage Werewolf Snack.
    Mike: A textbook example of "the weak one of the herd."... Bet you anything when he gets chased, his heel breaks, his skirt is too short to run in...

810: The Giant Spider Invasion

  • The overweight sheriff played by Alan "Skipper" Hale doesn't exactly distinguish himself as a man of action, leading to this exchange:
    Tom: The new Alan Hale Action Figure! He sits down, he snacks, he sits down again, he farts, he drives, he comes with his own lunch!
    Mike: Action Alan Hale and Action Alan Hale's gut sold separately.
  • "Could it happen?" "Could the movie get even worse?"
  • Any time they make fun of the lead scientists' froggy, cigarette-y voices.
    • "Let's go up to the Rhinelander and roll on each other!"
    • "VAAaaAAANCE!!"
  • And this, when Dr. Vance gets a late-night call from an associate:
    Vance: "Who is— Oh, no, not you agaaaaain."
    Servo (as Vance): "Why don't ya just come over?"
  • "Sheriff, if your stomach can handle it..." "I'd like to show you my vasectomy scar."

811: Parts: The Clonus Horror

812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

813: Jack Frost

  • The hero, Ivan, in classic fairy tale style, distracts a bunch of bandits trying to rob him, and throws their cudgels so high in the air they won't come down until winter. The bandits watch the cudgels fly away, and then look back down at Ivan, and we get, in a completely deadpan indignant voice,
    Crow:"You didn't tell us you were mythical!"
  • Mike Nelson is Lord Of The Dance!
  • A mushroom spirit begins playing hide and seek with the hero (it's that kind of movie, I guess); but the spirit has the power of invisibility, which is kind of an advantage.
    Mike: Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors!
    • The entirety of the first sequence with Father Mushroom is hilarious.
      Crow: The movie that dares to ask the question, will he find the dwarf?"
  • The same mushroom man disappears in a puff of smoke:
    Servo: Whoa, I didn't know there were that many landmines left in Narnia!
  • Anytime the Trope Namer of The Freelance Shame Squad shows up. Really, the crew has a ton of fun with Marfushka, including:
    Crow: Ah, Penny Marshall was an adorable child.
    • Then:
      (when the wicked stepmother is piling on the makeup on Marfushka)
      Crow: Ah, she has a healthy clown glow.
    • Then:
      Mother: You're not a princess — you're a queen!
      Mike: In that you look like Freddie Mercury.
    • When Marfushka is tied to a sled being pulled by three pigs:
      Servo: On, Gordy! On, Wilbur! On, Babe!
    • Then when a murder of crows fly out, Crow exclaims, "Counting US!"
    • Then there's this:
      Servo: A young Mike Nelson!
      Mike: Hey!
  • It may be an Incredibly Lame Pun, but when Ivan is turned into a bear and, oblivious to his transformation, spooks his would-be love interest, Bill Corbett's delivery is perfect:
    Ivan: What's the matter?
    Crow: Am I un-bear-able?
  • As Nastenka knits:
  • The classic exchange:
    Ivan: Nastenka, darling, will you marry me?
    Servo: (as Nastenka) Um, I'm nine.

814: Riding with Death

  • The legendary scene in which Mike Nelson, Destroyer of Worlds blows up a planet in the most inconceivable fashion: with a baking soda bomb. Mrs. Forrester asked Mike to send air support from the SOL. She got far, far, far more than she bargained for...
    Mike: (pouring baking soda into a bomb casing) Sure, no problem; I used to make these babies in junior high school, out of vinegar and baking soda...
    Crow: I-is that too much baking soda, Mike, or-
    Mike: (ignoring Crow) ...and high school, now that I think of it. And college, too. expelled for that...
    Tom Servo: D-definitely too much baking soda, Mike.
    Crow: Just a little too much—[sees Mike pull out a much larger box of baking soda] Whoa...
    Mike: And for that temp job I worked on, too...(bitterly) until that one guy in receiving got me fired...
    Crow: Heh, Mike, Mike, honey...the baking soda—-
    Mike: (again ignoring Crow) It was just a little prank, but he had to rat out on me, didn't he?
    Crow: Oh boy...
    Mike: Oh, well, I guess some people are just like that...
    Tom Servo: So! Bombs away, Mike!
    Crow: Okay, Mike! Bombs away!
    Mike: Oh! Right... (walks away with the bomb as Crow and Tom Servo cheer)
    Crow: Bombs away, Mike!
    Tom Servo: Bombs away! (to Crow) Hey, I heard you can make a bazooka out of PVC tubing and a used diaper.
    Crow: Is that so?
    (Mike reenters without the bomb)
    Mike: All right...
    Crow: Okay, okay! Hee-hee...
    Mike: There you go, Mrs. Forrester, a little distraction...
    Crow: A little distraction!
    (KABOOOOOOOOM!!!) [The bots are knocked off the table, screaming]
    Crow: (gets back up) Okay. Two things, Mike... First, uh, well, you blew up another planet, obviously.
    Tom Servo: Yep.
    Crow: What's that, three for you now?
    Tom Servo: Think so. (chuckles)
  • Servo observing of Abby, apropos of nothing, that "She wouldn't look good bald." What a random and yet incredibly accurate thing to say.
  • When Buffalo Bill takes the stage with his guitar:
    Mike!Buffalo Bill: This goes out to my friends in the Posse Comitatus.note 
  • "So they have 13 hours to drive from Torrance to Long Beach?" note 

815: Agent for H.A.R.M.

  • The Running Gag of the episode, where Mike and the Bots starts to hum James Bond out loud everytime Adam does something pretty mudane and boring. Which is most of the movie.
  • A man peeks out the window, giving away his hiding place as several henchmen are staring right back at him.
    Crow: Five hours of staring at the window finally pay off.
  • Adam Chance rescues the girl from an assassination attempt and (maybe?) gropes her breast.
    Crow: Hey! He copped a feel!
    Mike: [disappointed] I saw that.
    Tom Servo: [as Adam] Hey, I touched her boob, you guys! I'm not a virgin anymore! Woo-hoo!

816: Prince Of Space

  • Servo and Crow playing "Dog and Bear", which somehow led to Crow being strung upside down from the rafters.
    Crow: We were playing "Dog and Bear", you know, and Servo was chasing me and I ran panicked over logs and through streams, you know, maddened with primal terror, you know, and I turned and raked my deadly claws against his howling snout, you know, and I rose to my hind feet, towering, and still bellowing he came, and I mewled and spewed gore from my wounds and snot from my flaring wild maw and... and... and we were locked like lovers and, and, and, and I was encircled by spotted hound bodies and my entrails were hanging out and I tried a savage feral roar but, alas, my force was spent and I died. Then Servo took it too far!
    Mike: I understand. Is that what happened, Servo?
    Servo: Well, I guess that's about right. I mean, what's too far when your entrails are spilling out? I mean, where's the line?
    • After the commercial break, Servo and Crow frolic on either sides of the set.
      Bots: (singing) La la la la la...!
      Mike: What's so funny guys? 'Cause you're not playing "Dog and Bear" again, are you? 'Cause you know how that can get out of hand.
      Crow: Oh, no, now we're playing sea lion and squirrel and we have nothing at all to do with each other!
      Servo: And it's fun!
      Bots: (singing) La la la la la...!
  • The general horror at the alien's all-too-revealing costumes.
    Mike: "Oh, ugh... What gets into some civilizations?"
  • Servo is finally fed up with the scientist's obtuseness.
    Krankor: Each of you will enter a space capsule...
    Scientist: What was that?
    Servo: Oh, for crying out — EACH! OF! YOU! WILL! ENTER! A! SPACE! CAPSULE!!!
  • Prince of Space rescues a scientist near the end, who says his name excitedly.
    Servo: No, it's Michael Jeter— OF COURSE IT'S PRINCE OF SPACE!
  • In the final host segment, when the movie's villain Krankor refuses to leave, Mike scares him off by saying "Aah".
    Krankor: (cowering) Don't hit! Don't hit!

819: Invasion of the Neptune Men

  • The Neptune Men menacingly approach the recently arrived Super Chief. As they do, Mike and the 'Bots all drone out in sync:
    "Ha Ha Ha. Your costume is ridiculous."
  • The Who's on First? Noh theater host segment, where Mike (purposefully) messes with Crow and Servo.
    Crow: Mike, I'm going to ask you a series of simple questions which even a cretin like you could answer "yes" or "no." Now, is there theater in Japan?
    Mike: Yes.
    Crow: Good. And do you have a particular favorite type of Japanese theater?
    Mike: Yes.
    Crow: Well, good. Now, we're gettin' somewhere. Mike, will you tell me the name of your favorite form of Japanese theater?
    Mike: Noh.
    Crow: Why not?!
    Mike: Why not what?
    Crow: Why won't you tell me your favorite Japanese theater?!
    Mike: I just did!
    Crow: Did what?!
    Mike: Told you my favorite form of Japanese theater!
    Crow: You did?!
    Mike: Yes.
    Crow: Well, will you tell me again?!
    Mike: Yes. Noh.
    Servo: Oh, c'mon!
  • Pearl and Brain Guy fighting over a noose after seeing a huge statue of Bobo naked.
  • "They took out the Hitler building!"
  • "You know, not many movies can support a full minute of showing a radar screen. For example, this one can't at all."
  • And Tom's "Eat it movie!" song shortly thereafter, made even better when you know that Kevin Murphy really did hate the film because of the Hitler Building (as did the rest of the crew).
    Tom: Oh, I know a song about stock footage. It goes like this: Da-dah, da-dum dun dun, EAT IT, MOVIE!!! TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM, ROLL IT UP SOOOOO TIGHT, AND THEN RAM IT RIGHT UP YOUR— (starts sobbing uncontrollably)

820: Space Mutiny

  • Let's be honest: The entire damn episode is nothing but funny and little wonder it's recognized as one of the best installments of the franchise.
  • The jokes involving the Enforcer chase and the movie's hero, David Ryder.
    Servo: Hervé Villechaize's death car!
    Mike: Jeez, you could walk on your hands and catch up to the guy!
    Crow: Put your helmet on, we'll be reaching speeds of three!
    Servo: Hit the siren! (hums circus calliope music)
    Crow: We need both horsepowers on this thing!
    Mike: I can't go any faster, I'd have to drop the waxing compound!
    Crow: Put the top up! PUT THE TOP UP!
  • This exchange:
    Commander Santa Claus: Don't blame yourself, son.
    Crow: It's not your fault you're a chunk-head.
  • Tom and Crow fighting in the escape pods.
    Tom: Eat munchy-crunchy-chocolatey-cocoa DEATH, Crow!
    Crow: Enjoy a nice serving of brown betty...WITH DEATH! But mostly, eat death.
  • "Slab Bulkhead!" "Slate Fistcrunch!" "Big McLargehuge!" "Bob Johnson! Oh wait..."
  • "I'd like some mixed flowers for my eunuch."
  • "Ow! Why do you hate my groin so much?!"
  • "Stupid Buddhist monk! The Vietnam War has been over for hundreds of years!"
  • The scene where Servo installs way too many railings in the Satellite of Love. Then he adds some pits to justify the existence of all the railings, including a very deep pit that Mike falls into.
    • Then when they get back to the theatre:
      Mike: Servo, there's a railing around my seat.
      Tom: You're welcome.
  • "Wall-mounted keyboards! It must be... the future!"
  • "That scene really makes me think... about how much better a root canal would be than this movie!"
  • Over the credits, Tom and Crow ridicule Mike about how very Eighties the movie is. "All because of your Eighties. Your precious Eighties." "Yeah, it wouldn't have stopped being the Seventies if it wasn't for you, pal," resulting in all 3 getting in a fight.

821: Time Chasers

  • Mike and Pearl have a cup of coffee and discuss things in a very straightforward manner - almost the only scene in which Pearl isn't a Large Ham.
    Mike: Pearl - there's something I've always wanted to ask you. How come you're so... evil?
    Pearl (contemplatively): I don't really know. I'm full of hate - I don't know if that helps.
  • The introduction segment has Mike attempt to do a recap, only for Tom to trick him into saying that they are Lost in Space. Cue him and Crow acting like The Robot and Dr. Smith, respectively.
    • It gets even better when Crow runs out of alliterative insults and has to resort to this:
    Crow: You, you (stops using the Dr. Smith voice) You suck!
    Mike: Hey!
    Crow: Oh sorry Mike! I didn't mean it!
  • Crow's reaction to finding out the main protagonist is a nerd:
    Crow: I will not accept this as our hero, movie! Movie! I demand to see your manager, movie!
  • Servo's disappointment that there won't be any skydiving grandmas in the movie.
  • Crow tries to go back in time and stop Mike from getting trapped on the Satellite of Love. Unfortunately, Mike's slacker teenage self won't listen to him, leading to this exchange from Servo over the radio:
    Tom: Hey Crow, this is Tom. It's almost Commercial Sign. Why don't you just kill him or something?
    Teenage Mike: Who's that?
    Crow: Uh, God.
    • The reason Crow was convinced by Servo to do this in the first place:
    Servo: DEAR GOD! He's a Journey fan!
    Crow: Oh-no! I'M COMING FOR YA, MIKE!
  • When Crow finally succeeds in keeping Mike off of the Satellite, it results in his older brother Eddie being on the satellite instead. Eddie turns out to be a total Jerkass, making Servo his cowardly yes-man and personal ashtray.
    Eddie: Did this guy just say our reality sucks?
    • Eddie smacks both Crow and Servo around if they make riffs involving puns.
    • At one point during the movie, Eddie gets up and walks over to the other side of the theater to smoke.
  • While in the future, Matt says he's going to tell his boss all about the time transport, he inexplicably gets up and walks away.
    Servo: I'll walk back to the past!

822: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

  • This:
    The Chairman: Fingal, YOOOOU AAAARE MIIIIINE!!
    Crow: ...With Béarnaise sauce!!
  • Fingal becoming interfaced causes the Chairman's eyes to go wide and his gun to start trembling, prompting Mike to give us this gem:
    Mike: "Oop... It's the big one!"
  • One unfortunate close-up of The Chairman.
    Mike: The most face any screen has ever held!

    Season 9 
901: The Projected Man
  • This brilliant bit of Getting Crap Past the Radar:
    Steiner: [about the experiment] I succeed every time with an inanimate object. If only I could do the same thing with a living creature.
    Crow: Oh, keep that to yourself, man!
  • This bit:
    Steiner: Yesterday, I acheived my first projection of a living creature.
    [cut to Dr. Hill drinking from a cup of tea]]
    Crow!Steiner: You're drinking it.
  • "Funding intrigue!"

902: The Phantom Planet

  • When the protagonist starts getting echoing audio flashbacks, Mike and the 'bots decide to join the fun:
    Servo: Congratulations, Ms. Astronaut, it's a boy!...boy...boy...
    Mike: Wake up Frank! You wet the bed!...bed...bed...
    Crow: Frank, you'll have to take third grade again!...ain...ain
    Mike: Frank, this is Northwest Collection Agency. Do you value your credit rating?...rating...rating...
    Crow: I'm afraid you're not 7-Eleven timber, Frank...Frank...Frank...
    Servo: You're the worst party clown we ever had!...had...had...
  • Also during the flashbacks:
    Crow: Come on, movie! We didn't like these scenes the first time!

903: Pumaman

  • Pumaman, he flies like a moron~
  • "Help, I'm falling at a sixty-degree angle breaking all the laws of physics!"
  • "You... You... Non-British guy!"
  • The shout of "Pumaman!" as Tony plays dead, trying hard to ignore the large bug crawling on his ear.
  • "Take that, members of Boston!"
  • After witnessing Puma Man fly for the time, "Why don't you give me that belt back; I'm gonna give it to someone else."
  • The whole 'fly blackmail' bit.
  • Crow: N-no, not THAT kind of "go"!
    • "Behold, Coatimundi Man is born!"
  • "Oh no, they're gonna start Tango-ing!"
  • This exchange:
    Jane: But this is proof of outer space presence in our history!
    Crow: You said that about waffles.
  • A driver's resemblance to Gilbert Gottfried inspires the line "I'm in the fire truck for USA Up All Night!"
  • Pretty much every single one of the With Lyrics jokes they do for the jaunty theme music, culminating in Crow's bursting into song as Kobras's helicopter crashes:
    Crow: (singing) "Burn an old man! Singe all his flesh off!"
  • Kobras greets the heads of state:
    Kobras: "I'm so glad you considered my home a suitable site for your world summit meeting."
    Servo: "Though I wish you'd told me..."
  • Vadinho punches Tony:
    Servo: "Yes! The Aztec speaks for all of us!"

904: Werewolf

  • The opening sketch has Mike trying to escape the Satellite of Love down a long ladder, with vague promises to Tom and Crow to bring them down as well that he likely has no plans to carry out. The Bots exact revenge by having Mike climb down into Castle Forrester, where Pearl, Bobo, and Observer are eating breakfast. The fact that Team Forrester barely even acknowledge Mike while forcing him to beat a hasty retreat makes the scene doubly funny.
    Mike: (over radio to Bots) I am opening a hatch of some sort and am dropping the ladder in. (does so) I will enter the actual structure now, which appears to be a barn of some sort, or... no, it's an eatery. It is an eatery. I will approach one of the patrons and attempt to gather information on my where- (takes in the sight of the breakfasting Pearl, Bobo, and Observer) whereabouts...
    Pearl: (without looking up from the back of her box of Crunch Berries) Brain Guy.
    Observer: (without looking up from the back of his box of French Toast Crunch) Yeah. (psychokinetically summons a cannon and points it at Mike)note 
    Mike: Ahh! Okay, I'll get back up and watch my movie... ah, which is, uh, what again?...
    Pearl: (still reading the back of her cereal box) Werewolf.
    Mike: Werewolf, right. Uh... Brain Guy, you wouldn't want to beam me back up, would you?
    Observer: (still reading the back of his cereal box) No.
    Mike: No, didn't think so, just checking, I'll... get back up and watch my... (hastily climbs back up the ladder)
  • "The very model of a modern man-made werewolf."
  • screen shows "WEREWOLF" "I don't know, you had him last!"
  • "An American werewolf in traffic."
  • The general aggravation at The Un-Twist ending.
    Servo: Come on, dead people know what's going to happen!
    Crow: (after a clattering noise is heard onscreen) That was the director giving up and leaving. (a little later) Ending written and concieved by a tube worm!
  • Servo remarks on the real twist:
    Servo: (chuckling) Oh! She's not a werewolf —- she merely joined the cast of Cats.
  • The credits sequence, with Mike and the bots doing a medley to the generic Native American drumming on the soundtrack. TUSK!

905: The Deadly Bees

  • Everything about the opening segment: "Previously on The Satellite of Love."
  • "They named every bee? This is going to take forever!"
  • "Sure, she seems depressing now, but you should see her when she starts playin' her banjo!"
  • "Wow, I didn't know cigarettes had so many vitamins!"
  • The opening sequence with the wispy-thin band, The Birds (Mike: "Not B-Y-R-D-S, but still...")
    Mike: There's me, 1982.
    Tom Servo: Guys, just skip the music and go straight to the heroin.
  • Any of the references to Vicki's flaming towel.
  • When Vicki is attacked in her bedroom and finds the door is locked, we see the key is covered in bees:
    Crow: "It seems we have something you need!"
  • All the bitter exchanges between Hargrove and his chainsmoking wife:
    Crow: *sighs* Has the hate gone out of our marriage?
  • When Vicki dreams about the dog's death:
    Servo: "Avenge me! Ruff!"
  • Vicki shows Manfred the photos she took of Hargrove's documents:
    Hargrove: (developing the film) "There we are..."
    Servo: "Excellent pictures of YOUR THUMB, thank you very much!"
  • As Hargrove and Hawkins find Manfred's house engulfed in flames:
    Crow: *as Hargrove* "Yep, Vicki must be here."
  • The bowler-hatted guy at the end:
    Mike: "Hello, I'm here for the movie, am I late? H—hello?"
    • This guy proceeds to stride through the SOL and Castle Forrester (complete with the film's music) to everyone's bemusement.

906: The Space Children

  • From the riffing of Century 21 Calling: "Well, I'm glad to know that the future has constant organ music!"
  • From The Space Children: When the soldiers are running off-screen into an underground bunker:
    Crow: (as soldier) Does anyone know what's down here?
    All: (scream in pain and fear)
  • Russell Johnson's character is found dead in his chair, blankly staring straight ahead:
    "...I just watched Gilligan's Island."

907: Hobgoblins

  • The entire opening of the film has Mike having to repeatedly chase after both Servo and Crow, because they both keep trying to flee as soon as he turns to the other one.
    • While Servo weeps and slowly hovers to the other side of the theater, Crow abruptly declares "Nope, sorry, I hate myself! Goodbye!" and legs it.
      • Mike finally gets the pair to calm down, and to just sit and watch the movie. Cue commerical bumper.
    All Three: D'oh!
  • "Paint my muscle car PRUNE color, please!"
  • "It's the '80s! Do a lotta coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!"
  • After the goblins escape from the vault
    McCreedy: Those creatures... The vault... I tried...
    Crow : Sentence fragments. Just phrases.
  • Tom's interpretation of the incomprehensible lyrics to the song from the club scene.
    Singer: (Incomprehensible)
    Tom: Let me tell you about our drink special tonight!
    Singer: (Incomprehensible)
    Tom: Don't park in the alley or you'll get towed!
    Singer: (Incomprehensible)
    Tom: While I'm up here let me point out the restrooms!
    • Tom also describes the performers as a "Basque separatist rock band".
  • The commentary for the gardening tool fight.
    Mike: I'd switch to the weed whacker at this point.
  • The guys' reaction to the nerdy kid's dream girl.
    Crow: Aaaughh! Robert Plant!
    Mike: "That's EXACTLY what I want to look like."
    Tom: I don't really need to see every part of the human body outlined in spandex! I can trust it's all there!
    Crow: Wait a minute, that's not a woman! That's David Lee Roth!
  • At the end of film, after the vault has been blown up:
    McCreedy: There's been an accident at the studio.
    Crow: We made Hobgoblins.
  • The part where Mike and the Bots pretty much give up trying to watch the film and bring out pre-recorded cardboard cutouts to riff for them:
    Mike Cutout: Here's this guy. What's he up to?
    Tom Cutout: Boy, this is stupid!
    Mike Cutout: I wouldn't do that! Would you?
    Crow Cutout: No.
    • Which continues into the following host segment when the cardboard cutouts somehow make their way to the bridge:
      Mike Cutout: Boy, that sure is a bad movie. Won't you?
      Servo Cutout: It sure is, you know.
      Crow Cutout: Hey fellas. Here's a little song I wrote about that movie. Hobgoblins.
      Mike Cutout: Are you kidding me?
      Servo Cutout: Then let's go.
  • "Meet the Hobgoblins: Frankie, Sniffles, Bounce-Bounce, and The Claw!"
  • The gang riffing on the characters' lack of reaction when Nick is seemingly incinerated right in front of them:
    Mike: Aw, come on, Nick... oh yeah, he burned to death. Oh well.
    Crow: Nick's a smoking husk right now. He won't mind if we use his van.
  • Crow's documentary about whether or not women exist. At one point it shows a clip of Mike, happily eating a sandwich, saying he was the closest thing they found but experts say he's not a woman.
    • Mike points out that they do know a woman: Pearl. Crow challenges him to name one other woman he knows, and Mike seems genuinely puzzled trying to think of someone.
    • The interview Crow has with an anonymous guest that is blatantly himself note .
    Guest!Crow: And then, this woman - well, I think it was a woman - she, uh, married me.
    Interviewer!Crow: Did you have any children, sir?
    Guest!Crow: *beat* I don't remember!
    • Throughout the entire scene, Servo is sitting on the desk trying to read, only really responding to Crow with a disbelieving shake of the head upon his 'rationalisation' of the existence of Pearl.
    • Crow presenting women like they were a cryptozoological phenomenon...complete with a grainy black-and-white photo of a woman in a big fur coat walking in the woods like the subject of the famous Patterson/Gimlim "Bigfoot" film.

909: Gorgo

910: The Final Sacrifice

  • This is especially funny if you realize Pipper sounds very similar to Steve Smith. It takes until almost the end of the episode for the crew to make the reference, but they finally do with "And remember: If women don't find you handsome, at least they'll find you handy."
    • Hell, anything they said during the Pipper sequence. The man sounded like a real-life Yosemite Sam, goldang it!
      "If it's any consolation, I hates that rabbit, too..."
  • During the opening credits, the director's name is shown to be "Tjardus Greidanus":
    Crow: He comes from a long line of Greidanuses.
  • Pipper's explanation of Ziox culture, with Servo's interjections.
    Mike Pipper: Now, thousands of years ago...
    Tom Servo: Uh-huh?
    Mike Pipper: ... long before the Indians...
    Tom Servo: Yeah?
    Mike Pipper: ... this land was inhabited by the Ziox.
    Tom Servo: No, it wasn't.
    Mike Pipper: They were a highly intelligent race...
    Tom Servo: Nu-uh.
    Mike Pipper: ... far advanced in science, and architecture, and literature...
    Tom Servo: No, they weren't.
    Mike Pipper: ... they built a huge city...
    Tom Servo: No, they didn't.
  • All of the Larry Csonka jokes, but particularly this one, as the camera focuses on the framed photo of the character who looks like him:
    Tom: MVP, Super Bowl VIII, for Miami.
  • (after Rowsdower escapes the villains and catches his breath) "Hold on, I'm having a series of elaborate heart attacks."
  • (after Rowsdower wakes up screaming from a nightmare) Mike: "I forgot the liquor store closes at 8:00!!!!!"
  • The Canada song, gleefully Crossing The Line Twice.
  • A close-up of one of the cult statues with its mouth open leads Tom to riff: "Mammy! Ehhhh."
  • "Canadian villain, Garth Vader."

911: Devil Fish

  • The Running Gag about Bob's frequent drinking:
    "That's six degrees off the port beer, I mean, bow."
    Bob: It [a sound] lasted for three minutes.
    Servo: Like my last twelve-pack.
  • "Sorry about the electricians crack. My father's village was attacked by electricians."
  • Mike and the Bots' reaction to when a scene suddenly cuts from a Coast Guard rescue, to a few seconds of Stella playing with a dolphin, and then suddenly back again to the Coast Guard.
    Servo: You know, just because you can edit, doesn't mean you should.
  • About actor Michael Sopkiw's name in the credits:
    Mike: Great, they spelled his name sideways.

912: The Screaming Skull

  • The Gumby short "Robot Rumpus" features some razor sharp riffing from Mike and his own robots. "It's my seventh day without food or water, have mercy!"
  • "One of my classmates died in the kiln today, Mother!"
  • "Hey, don't! That's Wallace and Gromit's yard!"
  • "Well, you use one of those older Phillips analog chips in your robot, you're gonna get this." Crow's hilariously matter-of-fact delivery really sells the line.
  • Gumby's mother is displeased, leading the guys down in front to declare, "That squares my breasts!"
  • "Thank goodness for the internal genitalia!"
  • In one host segment, Tom and Crow decide to play a prank on Mike by spraying Crow's head white, removing his eyes, and putting fake teeth in his mouth to make him look like a skull. Mike's OTT reaction is priceless: he screams non-stop while attacking Crow with a bag of chips, then a baseball bat, then a golf club (after taking a few moments to select the right club). A terrified Crow and Tom get through to him for just a moment to explain the joke, but when Crow demonstrates his scream with a half-hearted "Rahh" Mike begins screaming and attacking him again - and this time, he knocks off Tom's dome for good measure.
    • Even better, the original showings on The Sci-Fi Channel aired a small bug for Volkswagen right at the tail end of that sketch. Their slogan at the time? "Drivers wanted."
  • In another host segment, Crow and Tom work out their Gumby induced trauma by creating their own clay characters — Bolus and Horseflop. The voices they supply for them are nothing short of magical.

913: Quest of the Delta Knights

  • "Well, this movie has lost me. It's lost me and it's trotting off without me."
  • The Spy Speak:
    It's a nice day if it doesn't rain.
    It's always a nice day if it doesn't rain.
    If the sun isn't too warm.
    Mike: (As Tee) So you're a Delta Knight too, huh?
  • The Bots warming up to Pearl.
    Crow: Mint-giver, we love you!

    Season 10 
1001: Soultaker
  • Confronted by an unidentified ship shadowing the SoL, Mike must take charge. Unfortunately, he confuses it with the U.S.S. Enterprise.
    Mike: All right, I'm in command. Good, uh... put alien ship on viewscreen. (ship appears on screen). There!
    Servo: Uh, yeah, I think we'll need a little something more Mike, life support is still failing and all.
    Mike: Okay, uh, increase magnification!
    Crow: Um, Mike, we actually don't have-
    Mike: (oblivious) All right, just a little bit more, good. All right. Uh... shields up.
    Crow and Servo: (confused) Shields?
    Mike: Arm photon torpedoes.
    Servo: Mike, we only had that one photon torpedo, but Crow set it off in your locker if you'll remember.
    Mike: Well then... close hexfield. (viewscreen shorts out) ...There. I've broken the hexfield. Carry on, I'll be in my ready room. (flees)
  • Crow losing his contact lens just when Natalie was undressing. Crow comes back too late, and Tom mercilessly taunts him.
    Crow: Aw, hell. A ROBE?! What the hell?!
    Tom: I saw it! I saw everything!
    Crow: Shut up, Servo!
  • And during that bit:
    Crow: Did you say she's turning around?
    Tom: No, I said, "She's spurning a clown!"
    Crow: Well, I like that, too!
  • "EEEWW! That took my soul, right there!"
  • The return of Joel and TV's Frank gives us this:
    TV's Frank: I know! Let's play ring toss with your soul!
  • This bit, where they make fun of Joe Estevez's voice:
    The Man: So that's your decision, then?
    Mike: So shat's your deshishen, shen?
  • After a car crash in the movie;
    Crow: I hope we were thrown violently out of the movie.
  • And then:
    Zack: "We musta hit a tree or something..."
    Crow: "Something, I dunno, it coulda been a cucumber."
  • The fact that the lead actress was also the screenwriter leads to this brilliant line as she and her boyfriend are trying to figure what's going on:
    Mike: "Hey, look, you wrote this crap!"
  • Servo sums up the film's weird theology:
    Zack: "God help me!"
    Servo: "There is no God; there is just Dude."

1002: The Girl in Gold Boots

  • This quip as we're treated to a shot of Buz, Leo and his goon Marty with their faces all lined up close together in the frame:
    Mike: "The Mount Rushmore of ugly."
  • The host segment where Mike spoofs Critter's wimpy singing and guitar playing while Crow is in the dreamy image above trying to tell him about a fire on the SOL. And the best part? Mike is a far better singer than Critter is.
  • Joanie shrieks for everyone to "GET OUT!!" and Crow quickly tries to leave the theater in response.

1003: Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

  • "Remember to beliiiiieeeeve in magic...or I'll kill you."
  • "Ride, Shadowfax, ride!" when Merlin disappears when someone he was talking to turns around to look at him again.
  • When the film suddenly cuts to the animated short Balloon Land with the short's villain laughing maniacally, Servo casually states "Okay. Now we're in hell. It finally happened."
  • When one of the characters, who had previously made a big deal about how he can destroy stores with his reviews, is trying to find a spirit he summoned, Mike chimes in with "Come out or I'll review you!"
    • All the quips they make about him are pretty hilarious.
      Jonathan Cooper: "Oh, I'm sorry; allow me to introduce myself..."
      Tom Servo: "I'm Bob Jackass!"
  • During the scene where the cat becomes a monster, attacks its owner, and is burned alive by his fire breath, Crow pretends to be Ernest Borgnine's character graphically describing the whole scene to his grandson, while Servo pretends to be the traumatized grandson begging for him to stop.
    Crow!Borgnine: "The the cat leapt upon his throat, and began tearing out bloody strips of sinew and flesh!"
    Servo!Grandson: *crying* "Grandpa Borgni-hiiine!"
    Crow!Borgnine: "Get out from behind that cushion, Billy, it gets worse!"
  • Pretty much anytime they mock the movie's half-assed framing device of Grandpa Borgnine telling the stories, really. Particularly during one lengthy scene where nothing much is happening:
    Servo: "Grandpa Borgnine's kid must be getting really bored right now."
    Mike!Borgnine: "...Then he puttered around the kitchen for a while, and got himself a cold drink."
  • As detailed in the Nightmare Fuel page, one of the skits between shorts focuses on the guys speculating exactly what the hell this grandpa regards as proper material for bedtime stories. A series of 'Ernest Borgnine Approved' books for the tots are examined, and all have cutesy titles followed by stories full of atrocities and bloodletting. Then there's Mood Whiplash of the hilarious kind: the last offering, despite the less than promising title "Dr. Blood's Orgy of Gore," turns out to be suitable (if rather saccharine).
    Mike (pleased but baffled): Huh. Seems to be OK... it's about some mice...
    Tom (revolted): Oh, and then they get their eyeballs squeezed out or something?!
    Mike: No... (flips some pages) They get new mittens, and, uh, live happily ever after.
    Crow and Tom: Huh.

1004: Future War

  • Crow's riff of "All. His. Pants. Are low-riders."
    "This place is a maze!"
    Crow: We call it a corn.
  • "It's Super Pope!"
  • "Yo. Let's pick wildflowers."
  • During the final battle scene: "I open my mouth at you!"
  • After the title "Special appearance by Mel Novak" appears: "It'd be more special if we knew who the hell he was!"
  • All the jokes about the guy wearing the beret being in the French Revolution, especially "Vive le resistance!" and humming the French national anthem.
  • As the camera pans up a character... "Ladies and gentlemen, FRED BURROWS."
  • Crow: "OK, my theory is that the director shot the entire movie without looking at it."
  • "He was trained by Bruce Lee... bowitz."
  • As one of the dinosaurs dies:
    Servo: "I came to warn asteroid!"

1005: The Blood Waters of Dr. Z

  • "Please enjoy a fish anus!"
  • During the long, drawn-out opening:
    Dr. Leopold: It's been a long 20 years...
    Crow: No, it's been a long 20 minutes!
  • During Dr. Leopold's preparations for his transformation:
    Servo!Dr. Leopold: "I need to simplify my masturbation ritual.
  • This. Just, this:
    Voiceover of Dr. Leopold's Former Boss: Your theory is insane, doctor! Turning a man into a fish? I cannot approve funding for such an outrageous experiment!
    Crow: ...Now pull up your pants and get out of my office!

1007: Track of the Moon Beast

  • Servo's reaction to Johnny Longbow's slide-show.
    Johnny: "I know what you're thinking..."
    Servo: "I'm boring and my slide-show eats."
  • As Paul transforms in the hospital:
  • Tom having the doctor greet Paul with "What up, bitch?", perfectly timed with the doctor's nod.
  • "And the monster's red glare..."
  • In the crowd watching The Band That Played "California Lady", Mike spots a skinny guy wearing a red/white striped shirt & coke bottle glasses:
    Mike: "Hey, look there behind Longbow; it's Waldo!"
    Crow: "Waldo!"
  • The Call-Back to Johnny's Long List of stew ingredients.
    Johnny: "The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach!"
    Servo: "Soon I'll be throwing up corn... green pepper... chicken... (sigh) onion..."
  • This:
    Johnny: "The demon in the painting..."
    Crow: "We were lovers, once..."
  • Mike's "Behind the Music" segment on the Band That Played "California Lady" is this from beginning to end.
    • Adding to that is the fact that The Band That Played "California Lady" has all this history and drama, but never receives a proper name (nor do its members, who are exclusively known as The Fish-Lipped Guy, The Eskimo, and The Friendly-Looking Backup Singer).

1008: Final Justice

  • Crow's thoughts on Maltese men.
  • Mike trips. Again. And again. And again.
    • The final time, they mean the other definition of tripping.
      Servo: Oop. Mike's tripping.
      Crow: I'll say.
  • Crow and Servo meet beloved Maltese mascot Goosio, but falsely believe it's really Mike playing a prank on them. It doesn't end well for him.
  • "His arteries are just looking at each other, shaking their heads."
  • Mike and the Bots have a lot of fun with the way some profanities are just blanked out in the audio:
    Palermo: You son of a-!
    Servo: Something!
    Geronimo: [...] Now get off your knees, you son of a-!
    Mike: Same thing you said!

1009: Hamlet

  • "Cut his throat in a church!"
  • Servo: "I guess there's no chance there'll be a jet-ski chase in this movie, is there?"
  • Mike and the Bots' frustration during the scene where Hamlet speaks to the ghost of his father, which for some reason is filmed almost entirely against Hamlet's face with the sound of the ghost speaking in the background:
    Mike: "Camera 2! Cut to camera 2!"
    Servo: "The ghost! The ghost! Cut to the ghost!"
  • During Hamlet's final confrontation with Claudius:
    Mike: "And now the king peels off his skin and becomes a dinosaur from Mars!"
  • As members of the acting troupe come tumbling in:
    Tom: What's worse than clowns? Danish clowns.
  • Mike hilariously (and accurately) summarizes the play's most famous speech:
    Mike: "So, 'I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself'." That's all you needed to say!"

1010: It Lives By Night

  • The rough cutnote , where between filming we get to hear Mike, Kevin, and Bill discussing A Case of Spring Fever and coming up with ever more filthy names for Coily like Fecey, BMey, Stooly, Peanut-Studded Loggy, and of course Shitty.
    • "Fucking squeak". Followed by Kevin chewing Bill out for ruining a perfectly good take, and Bill melodramatically declaring "Cut it if you must, I had to!"

1011: Horrors of Spider Island

  • "The HORRORS of Spider Island!"
  • The sketch where Mike and the Bots demonstrate that a plane crash can turn you into a languid, oversexed Damsel in Distress, even if you're a guy.
  • Bobo finding a bunch of "balloons" in a vending machine at a gas station's men's bathroom. While Pearl goes to give Bobo The Talk, Observer takes a few for himself, saying "My many lady friends will appreciate my caution."
  • The smash cut to "The End" card is so abrupt that it cuts off Mike in mid-riff:
    Mike: *in a Woody Allen-esque whine* "So, that was it for my experience on the island with the girls, where I became a spider. Did it teach me anything? No, but I did—"
    *movie hard-cuts to black*
    Mike: *normal voice* "Hey!"
    Servo: "...So, ya wanna end your movie that way, huh? Okay then, get bent; we're outta here!"

1012: Squirm

  • This memorable line from A Case of Spring Fever:
    (during Gilbert's long rant)
    Crow: Look, God has a spring.
    • Just before that:
      Gilbert: There are springs in mousetraps, guns...
      Mike: Guns, huh?
    • When Gilbert makes his fateful wish:
      Coily: All right, mister! I'll see to it that you get that wish!
      Crow: In Hell!
    • When Gilbert tries to dial on the phone, but can't, because...
      Coily: No springs!
      Crow: Oh, and no redemption, by the way.
    • This moment...
      Servo: (as Gilbert) I'll show Coily! I'm gonna digitize everything!
    • The riffers repeatedly referring to Coily as a demonic being of some sort.
      Crow: Where does Coily fit into God's plan for us...?
    • After Gilbert's wish is taken back, he sees the couch again full of springs:
      Crow: (as George Bailey) Merry Christmas, you wonderful old couch!
  • At the end, one of Gilbert's golfing buddies, Joe, complains about Gilbert's lecture on springs:
    Joe: I hope I never see another—
    Gilbert: Stop! Don't say it! Don't ever wish anything like that as long as you live!
    (Coily appears, cackling)
    Servo: (as Coily) You'll be the first to die!
  • The short comes back as a Brick Joke during Squirm, when Geri's car runs over a pothole and bounces violently.
    Servo: (as Coily) No springs! (whistles)
  • The host segment that starts out with Mike trying an experiment on a worm. He ends up frying it, then pulls out a bowl filled with a bunch of other fried worms.
    Mike: He died like all the others!
  • In-movie a tree crashes through a Southern home at dinnertime:
    Crow: Save the chicken-fried collard greens!
  • In the movie, as Mick stares at a worried Geri being rowed away by Roger, there's this as Mick turns and leaves:
    Crow: (as Mick) Save the girl or go antiquing? Hmm... Antiques, here I come!

1013: Diabolik

  • The first shot of Diabolik:
    Mike: Starring this Muslim woman!
  • This:
    Doctor: Take her to the Infrared Room.
    Bots: Infrared what?
    [cut to shot of half-naked woman]
    Crow: ...Mike, I beg you to get us an Infrared Room RIGHT NOW.
  • Also:
    Mike: EXTREEEEEME Organized Crime!!
  • Also:
    Prime Minister:...the socially sick elements of our society.
    Servo: Yeah, look who's talking!
  • As the Satellite of Love is going down, Mike radios Pearl for help. But she, Observer, and Bobo are already moving out of their castle, and she is clearly washing her hands of Mike and the bots.
    Pearl: Look, Nelson. Move on. I am. (pulls plug)
  • There was also a rough cut of the episode in which—unbeknownst to the show's three stars—the show's producers edited in several clips from previously shown movies, including: "STAAAAY!!!," "Wurrwulf?," "Mom... 'm I nuts?," "Rowsdower," and "Creeper, creeper, creeper... you give me the creeps!"

    Season 11 
1101: Reptilicus
  • Jonah hitting the small cargo release button... with a giant hammer.
  • Svend giving an annoyed contradiction to every single step of the plan the general lays out.
  • Servo flying in front of the screen and pretending to warm his hands in front of a fire onscreen.
  • The "Every Country Has A Monster" song.
  • "As an American, I've photographed wheelbarrows of skin all over the world!"
  • As the creature thaws, the scene cuts to the open containment door, the temperature gauge, the sleeping scientist, and the clock. In time with the cuts:
    Servo: The door is ajar.
    Crow: The temperature is negative five degrees!
    Jonah: He's well-groomed for a man who lives alone.
    Servo: The time is 5:06 AM.
    Crow: The temperature is ten degrees!
    Servo: The door is ajar.
    Jonah: He's well-groomed for a man who lives alone.
    Servo: The time is 8:06 AM.
  • Moon 13 has a band.
  • The extended riff on Carvel ice cream, mostly because ONLY Mystery Science Theater 3000 (being made up of Midwesterners) would make that joke.
  • "♫Xanaduuuuuuuuuuu♫!"
  • "The cow had a month to go before retirement, too."
  • During one host segment, Crow makes extra Servo bodies by using a 3D printer, though one of them malfunctioned and turned into a female Servo. Crow manages to make them stop by engaging Sheep Mode. Even funnier, the one that remains confesses he's not the original Servo, and Jonah just shrugs it off.
  • Crossing over with Awesome Moment, Gypsy finally gets to make a riff for the first time since Hercules and the Captive Women.
  • While two police officers are playing Chess:
    Crow: Bingo! Yahtzee! King me! I don't really know how to play backgammon.
  • "Good thing we kept all this stuff from the Nazi occupation!"

1102: Cry Wilderness

  • Shouting "BANG!" every single time Paul startles someone with a gun.
  • The montage of animals who all have some lesson for Paul.
    "Does a bear go in the woods? Well, just keep watching."
  • "I'm gonna shoot that stupid moon! I'm tired of it being brighter than I am."
  • "It's a ritual for them to play a public domain animal sound effect record every day at sunset."
  • "Have you met my girlfriend? She appears when I make racist comments!"
  • "It took seeing a man die for Paul to learn to obey."
  • The dig at all the Misplaced Wildlife.
    Crow: (as the eagle sitting next to Red Hawk) I'm not his friend. I'm not indigenous to the area. Call the police.
  • Jonah rapping "It's Tricky" when the boy appears wearing an oversized shirt and a medallion.
  • Observer attempting to console Kinga. Emphasis on "attempting".
    Observer: In a way, [Observers are] all like one big family, in that we rarely speak to one another unless there's been a death or a lottery win.
  • Gypsy pops in just as Paul reunites with Bigfoot:
    Bigfoot: (Deep, jolly laugh)
    Gypsy: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Bigfoot!
  • "Son, it might just be the head injury talking, but I submarine lightbulb."

1103: The Time Travelers

  • The guys seize every opportunity to make Danny the Butt-Monkey who everyone hates and treats like an annoying idiot.
  • At one point, the female lead is in a strange spa of sorts. Jonah completely fails in reining in Crow and Tom.
  • During the scene showing the survivor's rocket being tilted into position, Tom Servo pantomimes lifting it up for the over half a minute the sequence lasts, with Jonah and Crow cheering him on. Tom's cries of joy when the rocket is upright take the joke into meta territory

1104: Avalanche

  • During the party scene: "They've struck a delicate balance between debauchery and blandness."
  • Crow and Tom using a pair of drones as a Scenery Censor during a scene featuring bare breasts and backside.
  • Speculating on how the resort's TripAdvisor page would look after the avalanche.
  • Crow getting out a window wiper and pretending to clean the ski lodge's windows.
  • The Fridge Logic of sending fire trucks to help with the avalanche. "Well, maybe if they were filled with hot water...?"
  • An alcoholic dies in a fiery ambulance crash. "She died as she lived... completely lit-up."
    • "Mother always took her drinks with ice. Believe me, the irony is not lost."

1105: The Beast of Hollow Mountain

  • Jimmy's drawn-out, passive aggressive defense when his love interest breaks up with him, including noting that he realizes the movie is more than halfway over and we still haven't gotten a hint of the monster promised by the title.
  • During one host segment, the bots dress up in Nightmare Fuel-laden outfits, confusing and then utterly freaking out Jonah and the Mads. Back in the theater, Tom says it wasn't them.
    Kinga: (baffled) Is this that Hamilton show everyone keeps talking about?
  • When Jimmy and co. find the abandoned house near the end of the movie.
    Crow: So it's kind of a fixer-upper, not much curb appeal, and truth be told it's dangerously haunted.
  • "But the cowboy didn't like him so he shot him in the fa-ace!" note 
  • Crow seems to either have been genuinely confused about a geographical fact or was just winding up a pedantic Servo for fun.
    Crow: Wow! Machu Picchu.
    Servo: Machu Picchu is in Peru.
    Crow: Huh, so they filmed this movie in Peru?
    (Servo tries to lunge at Crow but Jonah holds him back)
    Servo (angrily): Would you just-?! Oh!

1106: Starcrash

  • The Disney lawyers apparently immediate response to Jonah's BB-Servo "invention" and Tom's reaction to it.
    Tom: (crying) They said they'd smash my globe!
  • Crow remarking that the Count's robots seem to be made of bike chains.
  • "Are we supposed to be alarmed that the horses have Crocs on their heads?"
  • Servo pretending to oil Elle's hand.
  • Apparently everything about the ice planet is like Delaware.
  • Stella loudly wishing for Akton to fall in love with her, while Elle helplessly begs her to stop.
  • Jerry Seinfeld appears as a Large Ham meddling executive who keeps ripping Kinga's suggestions to shreds.
  • "The Bionicles hear and obey."
  • When the Emperor declares that there is a way to stop the Count using Starcrash, Crow giggles coyly.
  • Jonah gets so fed up of Tom trying to restart a Overly Long Gag involving the starships and toy sets, he grabs Tom's dome, yanks it off and tosses it away.
  • The four main characters are described as "a community theater production of Guardians of the Galaxy.

1107: The Land That Time Forgot

  • Von Schoenvorts is really ticked off at his assistant Klaus constantly repeating his orders.
  • While playing submarine, the SOL is attacked by a space squid (which itself is hilarious because it's clearly a modified Servo body). Jonah and the Bots try to explain that they were just pretending to be a submarine...and the squid calmly acknowledges and leaves.
  • One of the crew sticks his hand in disturbingly brown-colored oil: "That's not oil."
  • The Mads' promo for the "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ" with its increasingly ridiculous jingle.
    "Flame-broiled, deep-fried/Crime against nature! MOON 14!"
  • When looking through the periscope:
    Crow: I've got a visual on something living in a pineapple under the sea.
    Tom: Take the shot!

1108: The Loves of Hercules

  • Hercules' horse gets offended that he's not taken into the city.
  • Despite being the World's Strongest Man, Hercules visibly struggles to hold a log.
  • Tom flies over to check out Hercules' chest, and gets swatted away.
  • Legendary sex symbol Jayne Mansfield grabbing a mirror to see what all the fuss is about.
  • Jonah and the bots' loud, prolonged vocalizing, starting in the last moments of the film and extending to the final host segment. They've even got the Mads doing it.

1109: Yongary

  • The newlyweds are interrupted by a call from work, after which the wife pushes in the phone's antenna. "That's a metaphor for our honeymoon."
  • The guys making fun of the mission control who just keeps yelling "capsule!" over and over, by shouting it back at him every time ("Have you tried yelling 'capsule'? Sometimes that works.")
    • The brick joke where long after the capsule stops being mentioned in the film it comes back in end credits prompting the return of CAPSULE!!!
  • As the military helicopter flies over taunting Yongary, Servo decides to join in on the fun. Until he seems to get blasted away by the monster's flames.
  • "Wait, his name is Icho and he makes people itch? Glad his name isn't Pooh-o..." "Okay, Gypsy."
  • A particularly large-scale example of A-Team Firing prompts Crow to muse, "I guess that's why they call 'em miss-iles."

1110: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

  • At Kor's first appearance, hung over with his head in his hands: "The movie's sole investor."
  • After meeting Kor's cyclops bride: "Man, How I Met Your Mother got weird."
  • Jonah gets so fed up with Servo and Crow's Crypt Keeper impressions that he smacks their heads together.
  • "Here's your wedding yeti!"

1111: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2

  • Tyor is such an annoying and off-putting "hero" that Jonah starts wishing he had the first film's heroes back. "Kid, could you please move like a normal human, just once!"
  • During a shot of the scenery, Jonah plays fetch with Crow, who acts like a dog to boot.

1112: Carnival Magic

  • The guys slowly lose their minds during an interminable The Oner of people just wandering around. "Alejandro Inarritu would have called cut by now!"
  • Mark Hamill as a con man who gets people to think there's an amazing circus act going on in the darkness of his tents.
  • When the closing credits promise a sequel, Crow and Tom spin a yarn of how the studio created a whole shared universe of carnival movies, which eventually went off the rails with pointless prequels. Jonah buys every bit of it, much to their surprise.
    Jonah: Wait, are any of those even real?
    Crow: I don't even think Carnival Magic was real and we just watched it.
  • After Markov finishes explaining his tragic backstory detailing the loss of his wife, one of the bots' states "And they never found the talking monkey who did it."
  • Markov gets a man to bend a steel pipe by first admitting that he cannot bend it then hypnotizing him into believing he is actually someone else, named Gus, who can bend the pipe. Later, as Alex is supposedly dead, Jonah seemingly brings him back to life by telling him that he is Alex and Alex is dead, but he is also Gus, and Gus is alive.

1113: The Christmas That Almost Wasn't

1114: At the Earth's Core

  • During a tense scene of David trying to sneak past the sleeping Mahars: "BE QUIET OR YOU'LL WAKE THEM UP!"

    Season 12 
1201: Mac And Me
  • In a total aversion of Unexplained Recovery, Jonah tries to explain how he survived being Eaten Alive in the previous season finale, only for the Bots (who need a moment to even remember who he is) and Mads to be uninterested.
  • "When visiting Bakersfield, California...reconsider."
  • Crow remarking that he wants to see the movie the composernote  thought he was scoring.
  • "Wow, this is like a Pixar film. In that it exists and has a title."
  • There's a moment when Mac is sitting in the recliner, weak from lack of Coke. They reinterpret this scene as Mac being laid off from work and watching TV all day.
  • During the part where Mac takes the Coca-Cola from the front of the car, Crow hisses, "My precious!"
  • Kinga's insanely hammy gestures whenever she says, "The Gauntlet!"
  • When a toy car charges at Eric on its rear wheels, Tom quotes the Warboys of Mad Max: Fury Road:
  • During an intense police stand off in the movie, Jonah assumes Eric will give a heartwarming speech to defuse the conflict to save Mac's family. Cue the police opening fire on the aliens, an entire city block exploding due to the shoot out and Jonah in hysterics over how everything went in the end.
  • As Mac's father draws up water from the ground: "So that's where La Croix comes from."
  • Eric's mother finds a baseball bat next to his bed: "Put this away, I told you the tooth fairy isn't real!"

1202: Atlantic Rim

  • Right off the bat: "Atlantic Rim? Can you be more Pacific?"
  • Since the Admiral repeatedly orders to get people "on the horn", Jonah and the bots dub in him constantly demanding that after everything he says. And at one point when someone is actually seen on a phone, they ask if that's the horn they've all heard about.
    • Also, after the Admiral uses the Unusual Euphemism of "bull butter" early on, they have him craving it and repeatedly asking for it.
  • The bots being utterly confused when some random background character is shown yelling orders into a phone.
  • During one of the breaks, Jonah and the Bots mock Red's entire character and personality by acting like exaggerated dude-bros, including telling ridiculous tales of their own awesomeness and using the word "bro" as a prefix in as many words as possible.
  • At the end of the episode, Jonah and the bots decide to pour one out for everyone who died in the movie. Only the bots keep thinking of more people to add to the list, so it just keeps going on, with the bottle somehow dumping out more wine than it could possibly contain.

1203: Lords of the Deep

  • After one crappy psychedelic sequence too many, Jonah pulls out a sitar and sings a faux Psychedelic Rock accompaniment to one along with the bots. With offscreen percussion and string accompaniment.
    Jonah: Guys, this is really tripping me ooouut.
  • On a shot of a dead rat: "Rizzo, no!"
  • An actor suddenly makes a heavily Canadian-accented line reading, causing him to be drenched with stereotype jokes for the rest of the movie.
  • During one break, Crow and Servo decide to settle an argument with a game or rock-paper-scissors accompanied by a Playground Song, like one used by a pair of characters in the movie. So of course, it gets parodied to hell and back, with the two going into a rhyme that's such an extensive list of Shout Outs that in the time it takes them to finish, Jonah is able to make a pizza from scratch and we're able to cut to an entry of Kinga and Max's new TV show. And when the bots are finally done, they realize the flaw of trying to play rock-paper-scissors when your hands can only make the paper shape.

1204: The Day Time Ended

  • Kinga demands to know where Larry has been all this time.
    Larry: I'm the shrill one?
    • Also, he keeps mentioning how he's been on a "journey of self-discovery that's worked out pretty nice".
    Max: Okay, wow, he just paid that off for a third time.
  • When the alien appears in Grant and Ana's bedroom:
  • The camera is left running as Jenny gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom.
    Crow: Look, I appreciate the cinéma vérité approach, but do we really have to wait here while she goes tinkle? What's the point? Why?
  • The entire steak milk Running Gag.
  • The gang gives little Jenny some cheerfully mad musings as the situation gets more and more bizarre, such as "All hail the new flesh!"
  • "Concepts" makes a strong case for being the season's equivalent to "Every Country Has a Monster," despite the show earlier pointing it out as a Tough Act to Follow, with Baron doing a killer take on "Trouble" as a script doctor who convinces the film's writers to throw out their sensible story in favor of a bunch of random ideas.
  • At the sight of a majestic alien sunrise: "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!"
  • Servo attempting to sing "You Wish Upon A Star" during a shot of several shooting stars and giving up after two false starts.

1205: Killer Fish

  • Gypsy sings that Tony, now a piranha-nibbled corpse, has lost some weight.
  • When a plane lands in a wooded area without a landing strip:
    Jonah: "Watch out for the exploding trees! Ohhh!"
  • After one of the jewel thieves gets impaled in the chest with a harpoon:
    "He made a terrible kite!"

1206: Ator: The Fighting Eagle

  • "Whoah... the magic sword! It was inside me the entire time! And it's still got some orchestra music left in it!"
  • Ator has more hairbands than most men.


Turkey Day


  • One outtake was supposed to have Joel have a simple word while eating waffles. And he blows it, apparently for no better reason than because he can.
    [Joel enters the scene eating a plate of waffles, pauses for a moment and then...]
    Joel: Pancakes! — oh, I blew it, I'm sorry.
    [General laughter]
    Kevin Murphy: You nut! Get outta town!
    Joel: I'm sorry!
    Jim Mallon: Blah blah blah...
    Joel: (giggles)
    • In an outtake of an earlier segment of the same episode, Joel is extolling the virtues of waffles, only for his words to turn into foreign sounding gibberish, with Servo joining in.
    Crow: For our friends in foreign lands.
    Joel: Fine and suitable side dish.
  • This outtake from the Little Golden Statue Preview Special:
    Servo: (Interrupting Crow) Cray—...Uh, "Cray"? ...Crow.
    Crow: ...Well, thank you for the compliment, but I'm hardly a Cray... (Chuckles) More of a PC...
    Servo: Shut up.
  • The outtakes for "Hercules Against The Moon Men":
    • During the Super Freak Out bit, Gypsy knocks over the prop box used for the Super Freak Out kit. It results in revealing that the box is actually for a toy spider that's part of the He-Man toy line, with Joel and 'Bots reacting in terror to the spider.
    • Crow's line during one of the host segments is "Joel, I hate movies where the men wear shorter skirts than the women." During one take, Trace instead says "Joel, I hate movies where the women wear shorter skirts than..." and as he trails off, Tom has this to say:
      Servo: I love movies like that!
    • During the Pants Song, Joel flubs his line and says "Shit", which results in Trace and Kevin singing about shit instead of pants.
    • And before the Pants Song, Tom falls off the table, leaving Crow singing shyly alone while Joel helps him up.
      Kevin/Servo: This is a bugaboo, this one!
      Trace/Crow: Pants.....Pants......Sing the praises of Pants.
      Kevin/Servo: (while Crow is singing) Sorry! He's okay! He's alright!
  • In the outtakes for "The Brain That Wouldn't Die", Mike attempts to tell a story from his childhood and flubs it up, prompting Trace to have Crow say "Get to the part where you pee!"
  • One of the outtakes has Crow speaking a line and suddenly burping. Servo, without missing a beat, makes a quick remark on it:
    Servo: "Whoa! El Belcherino!"
    Joel: Speecy spicy, take 22.
  • Pretty much any of the many outtakes where the 'bots fall apart (they usually stay in character and freak out), but especially one memorable incident where Crow's eyes came loose and rolled around so that the pupils were hidden:
    Crow: "I'M BLIND!"
    • On another occasion, Crow's net falls off. Crow just looks at it and gives a completely deadpan "What the fuck?"
      Servo: Please, web wrangler, web wrangler.
    • On some other occasion, Servo's "head" falls off. Crow comically overreacts:
    • On more than one occasion Servo's puppet falls from its support. During one Crow reacts by innocently humming a song pretending everything is alright, and on another he asks, barely holding his laughter, "Servo, speak to me."
    • And on another, Crow is set on fire, he laughs, screams and then, nonchalantly, states "I'll be in my trailer". All of that staying in character.
    • In yet another outtake, Tom, Joel, and Crow are pretending to be on the beach, when Crow (who was sitting back) happens to fall on his side.
      Servo: Crow passed out! He has sunstroke! Talk to me, boy!
      Joel: What's wrong, Crow?
      (Crow sits up, revealing that his eyes have, once again, come loose)
      Crow: [flailing about] HELP ME! HELP ME!!
  • Another outtake has Crow's crest glued on too well; when Mike is pretending to be a TV chef and tries to saw it off with a knife, he exclaims, "Holy shit, is this thing stuck on!"

The Rest

  • As shown in the Scrapbook video, Mike, Kevin and Trace performed an extended version of "The Greatest Frank of All" during the '94 ConventioCon — only for Frank himself to appear in a tight black leotard and perform an interpretive scarf ballet. The audience goes absolutely wild.
  • In the production copy of one episode, the 3 are standing around in the studio for a water break between movie scenes. After Kevin makes a remark that bottled water is probably less safe to drink than tap water (due to a lack of regulation on bottled water), Mike starts listing the ingredients of bottled water...only it's the ingredients of the infamous soup in Track of the Moon Beast, said in that same monotone. Kevin is trying so hard not to crack up that all he can let out between the snickers is a quick "Look..that..just..fuck you" before completely breaking down.

The Amazing Colossal Episode Guide

  • Teen-Age Crime Wave:
    Paul Chaplin: The farm family in Teen-Age Crime Wave is a little weird. We learn that Ma and Pa were married in 1910, but Ben, their only child, wasn't born until 1927. They seem like a reserved couple, but come on! All I can figure is they were Yankee fans, and their favorite team's stupendous performance that year (the '27 Yankees are considered the best ever) sent them howling into their one and only frenzy of desire... hold on. Assuming their passion peaked during the World Series, Ben wouldn't have been born until mid-1928. So it must have been something else.
  • In the Q&A section, one person asked, "What are each of the stars' favorite movies or books?" The response was, "Their favorite movie is It's Pat!. Their favorite book is The Making of It's Pat."
  • Paul Chaplin mentions in one of the episode recaps that he's been to Istanbul, and says he'll probably bring it up again before the book's over. Sure enough, he says "I've been to Istanbul" in unrelated contexts a few more times throughout the book.
  • In the summary for Hercules Against the Moonmen:
  • In the summary for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Paul Chaplin wishes death on Milton DeLugg for the film's score and title song ("Hooray for Santa Claus!").
  • In the obscure references section, a reference to a Star Trek: The Original Series episode is extrapolated by Trace Beaulieu. After Trace's explanation, the author says, "I have to go kill myself now. Bye bye."
  • One of the obscure references is of The House on the Rock, and the book mentions the nearby Don Q Inn. It appears to be a plug, but they add: "Bring your own sheets."
  • When discussing Invasion U.S.A.:
    Paul: This movie asserts that captains of industry should be ready whenever asked to turn their businesses over to the Department of Defense even in peacetime. In fact, several military men once visited Best Brains and demanded we drop MST and produce tanks for them. In the spirit of compromise we agreed to make one tank. (We need to get going on that.)
  • One Q&A asked "What is time code?" The answer: "Time code is a SMPTE standard, um, language that you put... and it helps you know what hour and minute and second you are on the tape... when you edit, um, and you want to sync...
    Time code is an elfin ghost who lives inside your skull."
  • Paul Chaplin was baffled at the theology of Santa Claus:
    Paul: From my point of view, the filmmakers betray some confusion regarding the substance of Christianity. While they seem at least dimly aware of the name "Jesus", they clearly reserve their deepest worship for jolly old St. Nick. On what ancient texts do they base their fervor? I recall no references to the Son of Man winking and laying his finger alongside of his nose. When would that have been appropriate- after the miracle of Lazarus? On the road to Emmaus? I will grant that my view of a Christian God allows for a sense of humor, but a God who shakes when he laughs like a bowlful of jelly is outside any tradition I grew up with.
  • One of the intro pages merely says:
  • Mike Nelson's bio states that he was born in 1811 in Barcelona, Spain!
  • The commentary for the episode Time of the Apes said that watching the "movie" was a miserable experience and while it might be apocryphal, they think one writer died.
  • The book has no less than four prefaces, each by a different Best Brains writer. Each one begins with variants of, "When I was asked to write the preface for this book..."
  • Mike mentioned that there was talk of hanky-panky going on at one of their conventions, and assured the readers it won't happen at next year's con.

The Kickstarter

Netflix Promo Shorts

  • Tom and Crow's increasingly deadly show pitches to the CCO of Netflix.
    Crow: The sun. People die there everyday. We want to get a team of journalist and a documentary crew and send them to the sun to find out why people keep dying there.
  • Crow and Tom's absolute glee at their (mistaken) belief they actually managed to pitch a show.
  • Crow and Tom riffing on other Netflix originals. But especially The OA
    Crow: Are we watching someone's SnapChat?
    Tom Servo: (watching a woman jumping off a bridge) Don't OA! Don't OA! OA!!!! Up and Up and OA!!!! (That's what she said before she jumped).
  • Crow and Tom's reaction to the Netflix mailroom guy telling them "fan mail" is mostly on the internet.
    Tom Servo: The Whatey-net?
    Crow: Al Gore's folly?
  • Crow and Tom reading YouTube comments, with both the positive and negative comments being profanity laden. And then being baffled by a smiley face, panicking over if it's a coded glitch in The Matrix.
  • Crow going mad with fame after having make up applied to him.
    Crow: I'm a Star. I'm a Star. I'm Star!


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