Funny / Morecambe and Wise

• Pretty much every single one of their song and/or dance routines:
  • Eric and Ernie make breakfast. While dancing. To the tune of "The Stripper".
  • The "Singing in the Rain" routine.
  • Dancing with Tom Jones.
  • Dressed as flapper girls for "Hey Big Spender" (Christmas Special 1975).
  • The Wishing Well Song.
• From the 1971 Christmas show, the Grieg Piano Concerto sketch with Andrew Preview - er, make that André Previn, a veritable Hurricane of Funny Moments.^note  Younger fans might be surprised to learn that the sketch is technically a remake; it originally featured in an episode of Two of a Kind with Ernie conducting Eric instead of a guest. It's gotten to the point that it's the only Christmas episode to ever get replayed, just because of that one sketch. And 15 years later, London cabbies were still asking him, "Where to, Mr Preview?"
  • Previn comes on the show as a guest (to a typical introduction from Ernie, in which he promises the audience a great star - himself - before introducing Previn), all excited that he's going to be conducting the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto with Yehudi Menuhin as soloist. Ernie tries to find a way to avoid admitting that he and Eric lied about having Menuhin on the show, and eventually Eric's hand appears through the curtain with a telegram. Ernie takes it, but Eric continues holding his hand out for payment until Ernie slaps it away.
  • The telegram purportedly says Menuhin has had to cancel so that he can open in Old King Cole at the Argyle Theatre, Birkenhead.^note  Which was an empty shell at the time this episode aired, having been bombed during World War II and never repaired. It was demolished in 1973. It turns out that he'll be conducting Grieg's Piano Concerto in A minor with Eric as soloist. He is not pleased.
    Previn: Goodnight, gentlemen.
    Ernie: No no! Please don't go, Mr Preview!
    Eric: Privet.
    Previn: Previn.
    Ernie: I can assure you that Eric is more than capable.
    Previn: Well...all right. I'll go get my baton.
    Ernie: Please do that.
    Previn: It's in Chicago. [starts to leave]
  • At one point, Previn gets so flustered that when Ernie calls him "Mr Preview" again, Eric corrects him to "Previn", and Previn "corrects" him to "Privet".
  • Because of the way the piano is positioned relative to the podium, and because Previn is only 5'7" and a bit, Eric cannot see him behind the lid of the piano. So he asks Previn to jump in the air for his cue.
  • Morecambe and Previn were rightly praised for their performances but this is also one of Wise's greatest, especially the way his announcement gets more and more rushed with each iteration, starting out pompously as:
    Ernie Wise: Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present Grieg's Piano Concerto, by Grieg, performed by Mr Eric Morecambe, and conducted by Mr Andre Previn.
  • —and finishing as:
    Ernie Wise: Grieg! By — with him and him.
  • Previn takes Eric to task for his jazzy, jaunty rendition of the main theme, saying he's playing all the wrong notes. Eric grabs Previn by the lapels and replies with the classic "I'm playing all the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order!"
  • Eventually, Previn takes to the bench and demonstrates the opening flourish... which, after a brief silence, Eric dismisses as "Rubbish!" Evidently deciding "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em", Previn decides to play Eric's interpretation, then segues into "Bring Me Sunshine".^note  A nod to Previn's background in jazz.
• Also from the 1971 Christmas special is Shirley Bassey's appearance. Between a bit of crosstalk with Eric and Ernie and a "straight" rendition of the title track from Diamonds Are Forever, she performs "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" on a specially designed set - with Eric and Ernie as the hapless stagehands trying and failing to keep out of sight as they deal with "unexpected" mishaps.^note  This was another remake, as they did a similar sketch with Nina van Pallandt in the 1970 Christmas special.
  • Bassey initially appears on a rotating stage... which rotates all the way around to reveal Eric and Ernie hand cranking it. They give the audience an embarrassed smile and speed up the rotation until Bassey comes back into view.
  • She then descends a staircase - the bottom step of which is shoddily constructed, as her foot goes straight through it. Using parts of the set as camouflage, Eric and Ernie sneak up and remove the remnants from her foot, only to take her shoe off as well. Eric hurriedly removes his work boot and puts it on Bassey's bare foot.
  • Next, Bassey sits down at a table with a champagne bottle and glass, only for one end of the table to droop as soon as she sits down. Eric and Ernie, still hiding behind parts of the set, crawl on their hands and knees toward the table as, with each step, the bottle and glass slide a bit further... fortunately, they stop before they completely fall off.
  • And finally, for the last line, smoke gets in everyone's eyes as the entire stage is engulfed in fake smoke. When it finally clears, Eric promises to give Bassey her shoe back... and ends up giving her his other work boot instead.
• One of their most iconic exchanges, dating back to their stage career (its first appearance is believed to have been an ad lib) and featured in the 1973 Christmas special:
  (Eric is at the window as we hear an ambulance hurtle past outside, siren blaring)
  Eric: He'll not sell much ice-cream going at that speed^note Old ice-cream vans in the UK were repurposed ambulances.
• When Penelope Keith says she'd like to do a big musical number on her appearance in the 1977 Christmas special, she, Eric, and Ernie start by descending a giant staircase... which ends abruptly about eight feet off the floor, as the stage crew haven't finished building the bottom few steps yet. Eric and Ernie are able to descend with some effort, but as Keith is wearing an evening dress, it proves to be much more difficult for her to descend, even with Eric and Ernie's "help". The ordeal is enough for Keith to declare that she's had enough, and she storms off stage.
• Eric Morecambe. Just Eric Morecambe. Probably the funniest man who ever existed and ever will exist. His timing, expressions and jokes were always absolutely perfect.
• The Antony and Cleopatra sketch with Glenda Jackson.^note  Becomes even funnier when one notes that Melvin Frank was inspired to cast Jackson as the female lead in A Touch of Class after seeing her performance as Cleo. When she won a Best Actress Oscar for the film, Eric sent her a "congratulatory" telegram: "Stick with us and we'll get you another one."
  Cleo: All men are fools and what makes them so is having beauty like what I have got!
• Eric vs. The Beatles. Several members of the Fab Four continued to say, years later, that it was their favourite of their many TV appearances.
  Ernie: This is Eric. Say hello to Eric.
  Paul: [shaking Eric's hand] Hello, Eric.
  Eric: Hello!
  Paul: [points] I remember you! You're the one with the short, fat, hairy legs!
  Eric: [over audience laughter] No, no, no. [points to Ernie] He- no, he's the one with the short, fat, hairy legs.
  Paul: Oh, him.
  George: You're the one with the big, fat, 'airy 'ead! [Ernie doubles over laughing; George gives Eric a good-natured pat on the arm] Get out of that!
  Eric: [shaking John's hand] What's it like being famous?
  John: Well, it's not like it was in your day, you know.
  Eric: ... [to Ernie] Hey, that was an insult! [to John] What do you mean, "not like in my day"?
  John: Well, me dad used to tell me about you, you know. [holds his hand out to show how tall he [John] was at the time] In the old days.
  Eric: You've only got a little dad, have you? [the Beatles laugh]
  • 'Ello, Bongo! [Ringo waves]