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Funny / Miss Congeniality

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  • The Right Behind Me moment near the beginning, after the agency boss sees a picture of himself photoshopped into a bikini:
    • And then when Matthews explains that they are looking for someone to go undercover in the Miss America pageant:
    McDonald: And I'm the best we have? That doesn't inspire a lot of confidence.
  • The agents explaining why they're able to quietly remove one of the original contestants.
    Gracie: She was in a little film called Arma-get-it-on. [snorting laughter]
    Stan: [shocked] That was her!?
  • When Gracie is very reluctantly getting ready for the swimsuit competition. Some highlights.
    Gracie: [Victor is handing her a tube of what looks like Preparation H, for the bags under her eyes.] Hemorrhoid cream. Do you really think the judges are gonna be looking that closely.
    • And:
    Gracie: Oh, hairspray, finally something I recognize [Victor sprays it on her ass, she jumps.] What are you doing?
    Victor: It keeps the suit from riding up.
    Gracie: Riding up where?
    Victor: Just... UP!
  • The montage in which all the candidates are being asked what they think is most important. One by one they all reply "World peace!" with a beaming smile. Until:
    Gracie: [brightly] That would be harsher punishments for parole violators, Stan! [Massively uncomfortable silence]... And, world peace! [Cue cheering]
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  • Gracie deciding that she has to get the girls loosen up, which she does by bringing them beer and pizza.
    Miss Hawaii: Do you know how many calories that has!
    Gracie: Uh, it's light beer, and she's gonna throw it up anyway.
  • The "You think I'm gorgeous scene". It looks like Matthews is going to kiss her then he eats a chocolate bar.
  • The Running Gag where every time Gracie tries to eat a donut, Victor is right there to snatch it away. Finally comes to a head when Gracie snaps, then cocks her gun and points it right between Victor's eyes. Another time Gracie gets caught by a drug dog and reveals a donut she'd hidden in her dress.
    Gracie: Happy, you donut Nazi?
  • Gracie needs a talent for the preliminaries the next morning. Matthews and Vick are arguing about helping her find one, when Gracie speaks up:
    Gracie: Wait, I have something. I haven't done it since high school, but it's like riding a bike.
    Vick: You are not having sex on stage.
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  • And then in the final competition, the girls have drank the water that she had set up for her actual talent, so she has to come up with a new one—a self-defense demonstration with Matthews assisting her. And by "assisting her," we of course mean, "getting his ass kicked." Topped off with Shatner's, "Welcome to the Garden State!"
  • The entirety of Matthews and Hart's Slap-Slap-Kiss fight match, during which he convinces her to take on the job. Their two counterparts take bets. Hart wins, capped off with a brilliantly timed, "You go, girl." from the one who bet on her.
  • Most of Vick's one liners are hilarious. Particularly the subversion of the "if I ever had a daughter" cliche, which Vick twists to his own bidding. Awesomely.
    Vick: Of any girl I've ever taught, you are truly unique. If I ever had a daughter, I imagine she would be a lot like you.
    (Grace smiles)
    Vick: Which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.
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  • While making up a cover story for why Eric dropped by her room, Grace says, "He told me he had an incurable disease. I didn't realize it was stupidity."
  • After Eric gives Hart an adorable reassuring speech at the pool, he playfully tugs her in while she's wearing one of her fancy evening gowns.
    Grace: (emerges dripping wet and shivering) Ooh, Vick is gonna kill you!
    Eric: What? You fell.
    Grace: (wading towards the steps) Big trouble!
    Eric: You look good wet.
    Grace: Shut up!
  • Cheryl's drunken confession. It's really the delivery that sells it.
    Cheryl: One time, I stole red underwear from the department store. My mother wouldn't let me have them. She said they were Satan's panties!
    • There was something of a brick joke later. After she does her sexy dance for the talent portion, all of the girls are cheering her on for coming out of her shell. When she gets backstage, Gracie shouts out, "Now you can wear Satan's panties."
  • Matthews' continued enjoyment of messing with Hart is pretty damn funny, especially once they reach the hotel.
    Matthews: Alright, Gracie Lou. Operation Thong has commenced.
    Hart: Why don't you go stun-gun yourself?
  • When the top five is being announced, each girl gets a brief introduction. Apparently Cheryl, who has come off as the most ditzy as them all, is a nuclear scientist.
  • Cheryl's perfect date:
    Stan Fields: Please describe your idea of a perfect date.
    Cheryl: That's a tough one. I'd have to say April 25th. Because it's not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket!
  • Victor's "Come on, Muffin!" after Matthews tries to explain that, "I'm not 'with' him, with him."
  • Mary Jo's explanation of Cathy Morningside's violent behavior. The Texas accent and delivery really sell it.
  • "Of course he had a gun! This is Texas; everybody has a gun! My florist has a gun!"
    • "I don't have a gun; my ancestors were Quakers."
  • While Gracie and Vick are eating, this perfectly delivered line:
    Vick: Oh, I'm sorry, I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.
  • The crowning ceremony. While confetti flutters, the orchestra goes into a Triumphant Reprise of "One In A Million" and Gracie fights to get the booby-trapped crown away from her and the other girls, poor Cheryl stands in the middle of it all just bawling her eyes out because Gracie snatched the crown away from her.
    • And throughout the whole thing, Stan keeps singing, even as the fighting gets more intense, Mary Jo gets punched and the crown blows up
    • And then when Gracie DOES get the crown from her, she throws it away from the contestants and right into a Statue of Liberty replica on the back of the stage, which promptly explodes. Cheryl immediately stops crying — and faints. Gracie catches her and immediately crumples to the ground, apparently Cheryl's heavier than she looks.
  • Gracie getting a little bit of revenge, after seemingly being refuted a Kiss with him, by explaining why Eric was at her and Mary Jo's bedroom door.
    Gracie: Oh, that guy. Yeah I was dating him cause he told me he had an incurable disease... I didn't realize it was stupidity.
    (the girls laugh, as do the agents listening in)
    Gracie: I mean come on get over yourself. I mean really girls His ego is like this big (hold her hands about an arms length apart) and his equipment is like this big (holding her thumb and pointing finger about a Centimeter apart).
    (Girls burst out laughing even louder)
    Eric: (mock laughter) That's cute, that's real cute... (all of the other agents give him a deadpan stare) GET BACK TO WORK!
    Gracie: He is such a pathetic loser!

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