Funny / Mass Effect: Andromeda

Pathfinder Ryder

• After the shuttle crash in the first mission, Ryder, unable to connect to SAM to try and figure out what any of the alien equipment on a ship they are exploring does, and their commentary on what they find can be amusing:
  Ryder: Who knows. Let's call it a "weird alien machine."
  Ryder: Another "weird alien machine."
  • Ryder can resort to activating random pieces of equipment. One of these pieces of equipment will begin flashing lights and revving up ominously
    Liam: What are you doing, Ryder?!
    Ryder: Oh, shit!
    Liam: That can't be good.
    • Followed by... the lights coming on.
      Ryder:: Oh. So the "weird alien machine" is a generator.
      Liam: Yeah, sure, why wouldn't it be?
• First contact with the angara. Ryder is with the team, about to go out alone. What is said?
  Ryder: If I get eaten, even if it's hilarious, delete the vids.
• Sara Ryder is not exactly the best flirt in the universe. For example, this scene with Suvi:
  Ryder: I'm really glad you volunteered to join our crew, by the way.
  Suvi: I am too. New galaxy and all. I'm honored to be here.
  Ryder: No, I mean... (babbling) I think you're cute and I like seeing you up here.
  Suvi: Omigoodness Ryder!
  Ryder: (still babbling) Also, the accent. I mean... it's not the only thing, but... uh... okay, I should just go over there to the piloting thing.
  Kallo: Kill. Me. Now.
  Suvi: Ryder, thank you. And, so you know, the feeling's mutual.
  Ryder: YES! I mean, time to pathfind. Serious business. Saving everyone. (nervous laughter)
• Look up your employee data on the information wall on Operations. After some jargon, the VI says that you are due for paid leave in... 587 days.
  Ryder: Seriously?
  Info VI: Why not plan on which beautiful colony you'll vacation on while you wait?
  • On the "beautiful colony" point, recall that the central plot point of the game is the revelation that all of the ideal "golden worlds" they had been expecting to colonize had ended up becoming Death Worlds of various exotic flavors in the time it took them to make the multiple-centuries trip from the Milky Way. So insult to injury there.
    • To clarify: of the "golden worlds" one has unbreathable air and constant lightning storms, another is an irradiated desert, another is completely frozen, and, oh yeah, one exploded. Take your pick, Ryder.
• Ryder has the opportunity to dance on the Nexus — and later does it at the celebration party on the Hyperion (there is also a dance floor in a dive bar on Kadara). The Shepard Shuffle returns!
  • During one side mission, as an Easter egg, Ryder gets the option of trying a newly invented drink, resulting in a funny (and for this game, rather lengthy) cutscene of them dancing on tables, stealing Sloane's "throne" and being chastised by SAM. The sequence reveals that Ryder is actually a pretty good dancer — they just need to be drunk!
• Ryder takes the whole being put into cardiac arrest to escape a trap thing mostly in stride.
  Ryder: That's twice now I've come back from the dead. Can't say the experience is improving.
• When SAM talks about quantum entanglement communication, Ryder can comment on its usefulness. Alternatively...
  Ryder: Let's say, hypothetically, I was out sick the day they taught quantum... embezzlement... communism.
• During the mission to liberate the Moshae from the kett, SAM determines he can hack through the shield surrounding the conversion facility. As he does so, Ryder offers this gem:
  Ryder: (sotto voice) Please don't embarrass me in front of our friends...
• During an otherwise heartwarming sidequest, the first baby in Andromeda is born. Ryder, in all seriousness, says they should name the baby Pathfinder.
  • "Scott/Sara is good too," if you have the default name.
  • Later on, you can talk with Addison about her Odd Friendship with the mother. She asks if you have anyone like that on the Nexus crew. One of the options is labeled as "Oh, shit yes."
• One of the guns that the Initiative brought along is the N7 Valkyrie assault rifle. Ryder can equip it, making it the Valkyrie of the Ryder!
• On the Nexus, you can have this dialogue with a romanced Vetra.
  Vetra: What's up?
  Ryder: Nothing, just thought I'd look up my girl.
  Vetra: Your... "girl"?
  "Logic" Ryder: I mean strong capable woman who likes me for some reason!
• In the aftergame, Ryder hears from Jaal about someone selling some ice cream...
  Ryder: What? Where? Jaal, ice cream is the best. It's what makes the struggle worthwhile!
  Jaal: Really? Now I'm fascinated... and a little afraid.
• When talking to the other Pathfinders about disobeying orders, Ryder can quip that the Nexus can't withhold their pay, since they still haven't gotten around to actually paying them in the first place.
• When trying to locate the Archon's private chamber, you will eventually come across a door on his ship that requires voice recognition to open. One dialog option has Ryder attempt to speak kett, prompting a rather appropriate response from one of their squadmates.
  Drack: (dryly) Really?
• While investigating leads on the salarian ark, it's eventually revealed that the salarians gave themselves up to learn about the kett, and exaltation. When confronting the main collaborator, Ryder can comment on the short-sighted stupidity of the plan:
  Ryder: "Hey, I know how to not get us exalted — get us exalted!" You idiot.
• Some of the "irreverent" dialogue options for Ryder can generate some pretty corny jokes, such as a pun-filled discussion about how cold Voeld is that generates variations of "kill me now" from squadmates.
• During one mission, Ryder will audibly describe something they see, and realize they're talking to themselves, leading to them making a joke about it.
• Early versions of the game featured some pretty troublesome facial animations. One unintended result of this was to give Ryder an uncomfortable-looking smile which could be taken to accurately describe her feelings about becoming the Pathfinder.
• One animation error that (as of early 2018) has not been fixed with a patch will see Ryder, during occasional dialogue sequences, rotate his or her head almost all the way around, which is both spooky in a Linda Blair/Exorcist fashion, but also funny as they continue their dialogue without missing a beat (or talking weird).
• On a mission to get to an angaran member of a xenophobic militia, you have to kill everyone in the base who tries to kill Ryder first, which is everyone there. When you finally find him, he chews Ryder out for killing every soldier under his command and dramatically declares himself dead, even though Ryder is simply trying to talk with him.
  Taavos: Tell me why you've come here, so I know why I've died.
  "Casual" Ryder: Really, can we take the drama down a notch? Two notches? I don't even have a gun up.
• Eventually, after some serious ass-hauling, Evfra goes as far as giving Ryder a compliment, getting this reaction:
  "Casual" Ryder: Wow, you actually gave me a compliment. I may need to sit down.
  Evfra: (sounding confused and irritated) Just... do it somewhere else.
• When driving the Nomad around, if you have it in low-suspension mode and drive over hostile animals or Kett soldiers, Ryder will sometimes gleefully cry out "Speed bump!"

The Tempest Crew

As a Group

• Cora sets up an internal message board system on the Tempest. There is hardly an entry that isn't hilarious.
  Peebee: you're "dead" because you were two minutes late to the evac point. [Cora]
  I LIVE IN AN ESCAPE POD [Peebee].
  • Jaal also gives angaran language tutorials through email.
    Gosan, v. To cling or to grasp. Say "go-san."
    See also: gosan yav daar, adj. Being Stubborn, lit. "clinging to a rock."
    See also: gosavar, n. The Resistance. [Jaal]
    [Comments]
    So the Resistance means "stubborn, pig-headed people"? [Peebee]
    That would be "gosavara." And yes. [Jaal]
  • The roast incident.
    The roast'll be in the galley oven most of the day. Don't open the door to check on it. [Drack]
    [Comments]
    When will this be ready? Smells dreamy. [Peebee]
    I said, DON'T TOUCH IT! The juices have to settle properly. [Drack]
    It tastes pretty good already. [Peebee]
    Thieves get sandwiches. [Drack]
  • Liam runs afoul of the profanity filter.
    No need to panic about the drive core noise this morning. Just a stress test. There's nothing wrong with a 0500 wake up call. [Gil]
    [Comments]
    [Profanity deleted by InfoBoard VI - You're welcome] [Liam]
    Adjective verbing nouns, Gil! [Liam]
    Liam, if the VI learns to censor ALL language, I'm making you reprogram it. [Cora]
    Educational, in a way. [Jaal]
  • The fugly sweater.
    Found it outside the laundry. Seriously, it's like a coloring book had a nightmare. Can someone take this thing off my hands? [Peebee]
    [Comments]
    >UPDATE: If no one claims this sweater, I'll cut extra holes in it and put it on Poc. [Peebee]
    >>Please just leave it in medbay. [Lexi]
    >>>You know who it belongs to? [Peebee]
    >>>>...yes. [Lexi]
  • The missing hot patch gun.
    Lost this from my workbench yesterday and I'm really hoping it didn't fall through the deck plating. [Gil]
    [Comments]
    I borrowed it to fix a loose sole on my boot. I'm almost done. [Liam]
    Liam, can I grab that quickly after? I need to patch a strap. [Cora]
    Oh, the pilot's seat cushion just needs a quick fix too. [Kallo]
    That would really help a rickety shelf I've got down here... [Vetra]
    I built another hot patch gun. You guys can fight over that one. [Gil]
• In a Remnant Vault, Peebee decides to Let's Split Up, Gang!, and heads off by herself.
  Ryder: "Let's split up"? Have you never watched a horror movie?
  Liam: Ten credits says she ends up in a pit of spikes.
• In one of the several ambient conversations of Lexi trying to get the Tempest crew to come in for their checkups:
  Lexi: Liam, you have a physical due. No excuses.
  Liam: Are you sure? I have so many good ones.
  Cora: I'll make sure he shows up, Lexi.
  Lexi: (pleasantly) Thank you, Cora. (immediately switches to serious) You're first, by the way.
  Cora: (under her breath) Shit.
• Naked Jaal and Liam.
• The beginning of Peebee's scene where she gathers the entire crew to talk about how she finally has a family and she's going to stick around and not constantly threaten to run off anymore. She then asks if anyone wants to help her clean her apartment.
  Drack: I think I left the stove on.
  Cora: Those reports aren't going to file themselves.
  Liam: Making ice.
  Jaal: It's an angaran holiday.
  Vetra: Helping Liam make ice.
• Movie Night.
  Ryder: NOOOO! He was so young... and... salarian!
  • Directly followed by
    Kallo: Ryder, I can't feel my gall bladder.
    Ryder: Do you even have a gall bladder?
    Kallo: Oh no! It's worse than I thought.
  • Another gem:
    Liam: All right, folks: we can sit through a training montage, with what many critics describe as "excessive turian flexing..."
    Vetra: No such thing!
  • Kallo is That Guy who points out the scientific inaccuracies.
    Kallo: But... it's vacuum. The ship explosion would be silent!
    Gil: I hope that's not the voice of experience talking.
    (Cora can be seen laughing)
  • Cora, meanwhile, calls out the Hollywood Tactics.
    Cora: Why a strike team? Torpedo the cruiser!
    Gil: That's overkill. Get one engineer aboard, cut life support and engines - problem solved.
    Cora: And leave them stuck on a hostile ship? One torpedo, over by lunch.
    Ryder: Fry their sensors, spacewalk on the hull, cut life support, rappel in, and take them hostage.
    Drack: Done it. Less exciting than it sounds.
    Lexi: Seriously?
    Drack: Got the scars to prove it. (shows Lexi his arm)
    Lexi: I assumed you'd gotten that falling off a barstool.
    (Drack laughs)
  • The scene ends with Ryder's romance option leaning on Ryder's shoulder, but if Ryder is not romanced it's Drack leaning on Ryder, taking a nap and snoring loudly. Ryder is not pleased with these events.
  • According to the Prima game guide, if Ryder has their romance option cuddling up, but also flirted extensively with another crewmember, that crewmember will look upset.
  • Peebee appears to find the movie boring or relaxing; if she isn't in a romanced state, she seems to be almost falling asleep throughout. In the final scene, she actually has fallen asleep on Kallo, who's not enjoying it.
  • Ryder's choices for what they'd do capturing an enemy ship. If they suggest "seduce the enemy", Liam and Jaal get really into workshopping how they'd do it. Capped off by Jaal's comment.
    Jaal: ... or not. Why spoil dinner?
• Ryder is definitely also a graduate from the Commander Shepard School of Driving, judging many of their crew's comments.
  Vetra: So... this thing has safeties in case you drive off this cliff, right?
  • Of particular note: if Drack is with you when you drive at full speed off a ledge, we find out Ryder's driving is the one thing that can drive a krogan to shit their pants in open terror. Considering Wrex and Grunt never complained... that's telling.
    Drack: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!
  • Ryder also seems fond of Car Fu.
    Ryder: (upon running over some enemies) Speed bump!
  • In contrast, Vetra apparently seems to have the time of her life while boosting full speed through the air.
  • Ryder may also literally threaten to turn the car around when subjected to Liam's ragging, or to Drack's and Cora's. It's safe to assume that every squad mate is eligible.
  • Jaal, however, finds the ride very smooth and takes naps. Which tells you a lot about angaran driving. He even asks Gil to "fix" the Nomad to make the ride rougher, which gets vetoed by the rest of the squad. And his snoring. Mere words cannot describe the sound.
    • Peebee's irritation with Jaal's snoring. Eventually gets to a head when she tries to see if he's faking it... in her own way.
      Peebee: (panting) What, Ryder? Here? Now? But Jaal's right there. What if he wakes up? Oh, screw it. I want you. Let's do this.
      Jaal: Alright, pull over. I'll give you two some privacy.
      Peebee: Ha! I knew it! I knew you were faking!
      Jaal: It seems I'm not the only one.
  • Later on, Peebee will complain about how only Ryder seems to be allowed to drive the car. Cue a Not-So-Innocent Whistle from Vetra and angry sputtering from Peebee.
    • Even Cora will eventually point out that the Andromeda Initiative handbook makes no mention of the Pathfinder being the only one authorized to take the wheel...
    • Vetra, in one possible permutation, may claim that she's been allowed to drive the Nomad, to the chagrin of the other squadmate.
• Vetra and Drack's banter in the Nomad is generally them bonding over being surrogate parental figures. Then they wind up discussing the word bamboozle.
  Drack: Sounds like a drink. "The Bamboozeler."
  Vetra: (laughs) I'd drink it!
• Bring Peebee and Drack to Meridian:
  Ryder: What do you think the builders looked like?
  Peebee: Tall and glowy. Or short, round, and glowy.
  Drack: So a radioactive volus?
• After the credits roll, Drack can be heard trying to make a toast. Vetra, Peebee and Gil spoil it.
  Drack: A toast to the vanquished.
  Vetra: To the Archon! Face down, ass up!
  Peebee: So long, bone brain!
  Gil: What about to new beginnings?
  Vetra: To friends!
  Drack: It's my toast, and it's to the vanquished!
• At one point, it's possible to overhear Cora trying to explain Snakes and Ladders to Jaal and Vetra. Jaal is appalled by the whole thing being determined by random chance ("and this is a game for children?), and Vetra is just annoyed by the way the ladders only go one way.
• Partway through the Archon's ship, there's this exchange if Peebee and Cora are in the party:
  Cora: Why are we still whispering?
  Peebee: Because we're sneaking through an enemy ship!
  Ryder: Who already know we're here.
  Peebee: It's just what you're supposed to do in these situations.

Liam Kosta

• During squad banter, Liam tries to tell a story about a scarred turian vigilante. Everyone shuts him down.
  • Except Jaal. But when Liam tries to explain to him, he realizes he'd have to cover too much history for Jaal to understand, and gives up.
• A bit of banter has Jaal and Liam discussing angaran translators, which Jaal claims are extremely advanced and are unlikely to be tripped up by anything Liam can say. Liam gives it a shot.
  Liam: Dachshunds with erections can't climb stairs.
  Jaal: ...Hmm. I stand corrected.
• When they aren't actually at each others throats Liam and Vetra tend to trade a whole lot of snark back and forth.
  Vetra: Run any music during combat?
  Liam: Eezo core revival.
  Vetra: Eugh. May as well drop a guitar down an escalator.
  Liam: So? Classical turian sounds like rifling through a toolbox.
  Vetra: Well... that's just good music.
• Liam wondering how relationships with turians work. It's the delivery that really makes it.
  Liam: I never understood how it worked with turians... All those metallic pokey bits, must be like cuddling a giant fork. *gasps* Forking!
• After returning to the Tempest following the post-game party, Ryder can visit all their crewmates again for (sometime quite wordy) new dialogue related to recent events. If Liam is not romanced, going up to him just results in a perfunctory "Yes?"

Cora Harper

• When Cora sets up shop, Scott can talk to her in a bad mood over not being the new Pathfinder. If he flirts, she gets indignant.
  Cora: Stop being charming when I'm mad!
• In Kadara Port, Cora takes charge of protecting the Nomad, noting there have been only three theft attempts, and one offer to buy it. If Ryder asks how much they were offered, Cora remarks that negotiations fell through when the buyer asked if she came with the rover.
  Cora: Weird. Must have been something I aimed.

Vetra Nyx

• This background chat between Cora and Vetra:
  Cora: So... did I hear that right back there? You table-danced on Omega?
  Vetra: That was one job. One! Somehow it ended up being me watching the floor and providing a distraction.
  Cora: Dancing's one of your many talents, then?
  Vetra: Shit, no. I tripped over myself thirty seconds in, accidentally ripped out a volus's breather trying to break my fall. He started choking, launched himself backwards into a bunch of batarian mercs and then the fists were out.
  Cora: *laughs* Oh no.
  Vetra: The fight lasted two days. Worked out though. Took them a week to sort everything out and by then we were smoke.
• Vetra's romance is mostly sweet, but there are moments of amusement in there. Such as, during the scene where Vetra and Ryder confirm their relationship, Vetra has them climb to the top of a cliff, where Ryder collapses flat on the ground.
  Vetra: Scott/Sara... is this real?
  (Beat)
  Ryder: Yeah, I think the sky's real.
• During Vetra's romance, Ryder can remark that they want the bad guy defeated, a magic sword, and the girl. Vetra laughs them off, because she doesn't have a magic sword, so what they want is impossible. Some things that you can do in this game:
  • Defeat the Archon.
  • Romance Vetra (or Cora or Peebee or Suvi)...
  • Obtain an asari sword, which asari commandos combine with their biotics. Then combine it with your biotics.
• Vetra can't seem to comprehend the existence of ridiculously cute aliens.
  Jaal: Aaah, yes. The frum-frav do that exact thing.
  Vetra: The what?
  Jaal: Frum-frav. Tiny, timid creatures. When disturbed, they puff up and screech to scare away attackers.
  Vetra: You're joking. There's no such thing.
  Jaal: Would I lie?
• Vetra is not impressed with Liam attempting to make small talk by bringing up the First Contact War. It's the fake hillbilly accent that really sells it.
  Vetra: Small talk is "nice weather," not "did your elder shoot my grandpa?"
• After finding the kett transponder beacon, Vetra shows she has a better idea of how these things go than Ryder,
  Ryder: We're one step closer to building a home in Heleus.
  Vetra: Right. The hard part's totally behind us now.
• Bring Vetra to Khi Tasira, and there's this when she sees some of the giant trees:
  Vetra: I never got plants. They just sit there, doing nothing.
  Jaal: On Havarl, there is a species of plant that traps people and then devours them. Slowly.
  Vetra: Okay, yeah, I prefer it when they do nothing.

Peebee

• True to Bioware fashion, you can talk to your crew to get to know them better. But when Ryder gets to Peebee...
  Peebee: Well, I was born in a log cabin to two loving parents who wanted to... (snores) I'm not really one for bringing up the past. You wanna know me, you can get to know me in the field.
  Ryder: Congratulations. No one has ever managed to elude my attempts to get to know them so well.
  Peebee: Yess! I'm number one!
  • Eventually, a patch added Peebee punctuating "I'm number one!" with a little dance.
• Also with Peebee, considering the long Running Gag surrounding asari ancestry and the ambiguity as to whether species matters, its rather amusing to find out that this hyperactive girl has an elcor father.
• Take Peebee with you to a fight against an Architect and wait until it starts making smaller Remnant.
  Peebee: IT'S MAKING BABIES!
• If you listen to Cora and Peebee banter, you hear Peebee really laying the snark on for her own people
  Cora: We are in a lot of trouble. We need [asari] experience and wisdom.
  Peebee: Yay! A bunch of old biddies talking about stuff.
  • Later when they get a little friendlier, they mention that an asari commando marching song consisted of "69 words that rhyme with Azure." ^note "'Azure' is slang for a part of the asari body in some areas of Illium." "Where?" "The lower reaches, near the bottom." "I meant, 'Where on the asari body,' Liara." "So did I, Shepard." —Mass Effect 2
• If Peebee and Vetra are in the Nomad, Peebee will mention she met Sid, and found the talkative, cheerful, energetic young turian annoying. She's never met anyone like that before.
• The second time the player visits Aya, Peebee can be found in the museum, having had a liiiittle too much to drink, so much so she's swaying wildly through the whole conversation.
• Save Peebee's ex during her loyalty mission and as the group is running out of the exploding volcano, Kalinda will attempt to say that there's no hard feelings. Peebee - who is a step or two in front of her - offhandedly belts her in the face without turning around or breaking stride.
  Kalinda: Listen, Peebee, no hard - (gets punched) Ow, fuck!
  Peebee: Finally beat you to the punch.
• A romanced Peebee is hilarious, as it becomes clear her sex drive has just as few, if not less, filters as her scientific curiosity.
  Peebee: (via email, after Mind Melding with Ryder the night before) Subject: "Ahem" - Message: "Again please."

  Ryder: (when Peebee demands a kiss after the final mission) Just a kiss?
  Peebee: I like that I make you greedy.

  Peebee: (talking to herself during the victory party) Eyes front, try not to swoon... (to Ryder) I want you.
  "Emotional" Ryder: I want you more.
  Peebee: I need proof. Soon.
• Peebee during the exploration of Khi Tasira provides several:
  • Trying to comfort Jaal after The Reveal
    Peebee: Jaal, look. If you ever, y'know, want to talk about this... I'm here.
    Jaal: So, you're only interested in me now that I'm a Remnant curiosity?
    Peebee: What?! No. No! That's not what I meant.
    Jaal: The look on your face.
    Peebee: Jaal!
  • When Ryder turns on the ships, activating several Remnant bots:
    Suvi: Pathfinder, the readings have just lit up like Mardi Gras.
    Peebee: Yeah, just like Mardi Gras, except with no jazz and more death!
  • Learning the truth about Meridian:
    Peebee: Heh. That's funny. (Ryder stares disapprovingly at her) Only it's horrible. But it's funny because that asshole's been looking in the wrong place.
  • And when Ryder wonders where Meridian got to:
  Ryder: The Jaardan must've had a plan!
  Peebee: I think their plan was "Oh, Crap! Let's get out of here!"
• Follow the romance with Peebee, and her post-loyalty mission cutscene has her record a message on Poc asking whether Ryder wants to go all the way with her. Don't romance her, and instead the message is Peebee saying that Ryder and the team have grown on her... in her own way.
  Peebee: You guys are like a fungus. You look funny, and smell weird...

Nakmor Drack

• Drack is just as confident in his abilities as a krogan warrior as Wrex was.
  Jaal: It won't be that easy. Three of us, and a ship-full of kett?
  Drack: Four of us. I count double.
• After Drack's loyalty mission, Ryder can meet up with him on Kadara for a beer... which turns into a truly epic Bar Brawl. Incidentally, this is where the "I've got a krogan" line from the previews occurs, making it rather less epic, but entirely fitting for both Drack and the krogan. Once it winds up, it cuts to Ryder and Drack drinking at the bar - and then cuts to a wide shot, showing that everyone but them and the bartender are unconscious.
  • Afterwards you can talk to Drack on the Tempest and ask if the bar fight was supposed to be a date; Drack will say that if it was, there would have been "less of an audience and a lot more property damage." Adding to the joke is the fact the dialogue option for this has the actual flirting icon.
• After the first landing on Aya, you can overhear Drack and Vetra talking about meeting the angara. Drack remembers when mankind first appeared on the scene, and his initial thoughts: "They're bold for being so squishy. Do they know they're mostly water?"
• During a conversation in the Nomad, Drack has some choice words about Cora’s asari fighting style.
  Cora: A krogan would look like a whale trying to dance ballet.
  Drack: Better than looking like a salarian tied to a ceiling fan.
• A bit of Insult Backfire between Drack and Peebee.
  Drack: What's with the smudge around the eyes? Trying to be some kind of superhero?
  Peebee: What's with all the bones? Trying to be some kind of supervillain?
  Drack: Yes.
  Peebee: (audibly impressed) Cooooooool!
• Drack and Cora's snarking at one another. Case in point, Cora declaring revenge on Gil cleaning her out again.
  Cora: After I'm done with Gil, old man, I'm coming for you.
  Drack: I'd say "give it your best shot", but I've already seen your best shot.
• Asking Drack for combat advice eventually results in him saying that fire works well against armored enemies... and against most everything. "Generally speaking, people don't like getting set on fire." Ryder cocks a brow at the "generally" and asks what the story is behind that. Drack replies that he was once fighting a rival group of mercenaries, and jumped at them wielding a flamethrower... only to see them all screaming and running in terror. Turned out he'd been doused in turian brandy at some point and had accidentally set himself on fire without realizing it. Getting charged by a yelling krogan who is also on fire was apparently too much for his foes to handle.
• At one point, Drack can be heard recounting the epic tale of how he killed a Thresher Maw with his bare hands. Problem is, he's telling it to Gil and Peebee, so he doesn't get a sentence in before...
  Gil: Get to the good part!
  Peebee: Yeah, the good part!
  Drack: "And then I killed a Thresher Maw with my bare hands"?
  Peebee: Awesome.
• At one point in the Nomad, Drack starts ranting about how guns were Back In His Day, to Vetra's despair:
  Vetra: Don't say "uphill both ways". Please don't say it.
  Drack: Turians didn't used to be so damned lippy, either.
• From while Drack and Cora are on the Nomad:
  Cora: You know, if you were an asari commando, you could've been retired with honors by now.
  Drack: Ugh. ... wait, would I get free booze?
  Cora: I don't think so.
  Drack: Ugh.
• Drack, of all people, tells a "Knock Knock" Joke.
  Knock knock.
  Who's there?
  Incompetently: An elcor.
  • After the above joke, Drack laughs himself silly and Ryder will chuckle at it despite saying how terrible it is. Extra points if Jaal is involved since he's very confused on why both are laughing.

Jaal Ama Darav

• On the Nomad, Jaal will get into a conversation with Cora over biotics, with her explaining that using them is "basically like a giant sneeze." Jaal's response?
  Jaal: I see. ...What's a sneeze?
• One quest has Ryder saving Kennedy, Dr. Addison's friend, from kett and Roekarr, while said friend is in labor. If Jaal's present, this exchange will happen.
  Dr. Kennedy: Give me a gun.
  Jaal: (as if such a request happens all the time) Always give the mother a gun!
  • Given angaran history of La Résistance, it probably does...
• When Liam and Jaal talk about the Moshae, Liam will say that the Moshae reminds him of his mother. She never faced down a phalanx of kett, but she put up with him. Jaal's response is great.
  Jaal: Heroic efforts all around.
• Jaal is not impressed with the "party" during the Epilogue.
  Jaal: So this is how you all party? Pretty tame, but don't tell the host I said that.
• Jaal's (failed) attempts to get the hang of human slang.
  Jaal: I'd rather have ice or sand through my crack than politicians.
  Liam: "Through your crack?" Is that a real thing or a failed attempt at human slang?
  Jaal: Fuck over.
• The all-elcor Hamlet returns, having made the journey to Andromeda with the Nexus. Jaal likes it. ^note He would, since angarans are big on subtle body language, much like the elcor.
• Jaal will complain about Kadara. Why? Not the toxic water. Not the Outcasts, or the murder, or the unfriendly wildlife. It's too "pointy."
• During Aksuul's mocking call to the Tempest, Jaal refers to him as a "Vehshaanan." Ryder laughs at it instantly.
  Ryder: Veh-sha-what?
  Jaal: Someone pleased with his own shit.
• When Jaal takes Ryder to meet his family, he shows them some stuff from his childhood. Schematics of a kett weapon he took apart... and a dead pet he also took apart after its death.
  Ryder: To... learn.
  Jaal: Why not?
  (Ryder nods uncomfortably)
• In one conversation with Liam on the Nomad, Jaal listens to Liam describing Earth:
  Jaal: Blue on blue. How do you tell where one ends and the other begins?
  Liam: You get wet.
  Jaal: (chuckles, then...) We have people who aren't funny here, too.
• After a sweet conversation about Jaal choosing to stay with the Tempest crew, Ryder tells him not to push his luck.
  Jaal: But luck can't be pushed, it's... ah. I see. Idiom.
  Ryder: Yup.
  Jaal: Shit.
  Ryder: (chuckles)
• On Jaal's introduction, he'll ask Ryder what they're doing on Aya. The emotional respond gets a good retort.
  Ryder: Landing here, with one of our engines on fire, was not our plan.
  Jaal: That's good to know, because that would be a very bad plan.
• Jaal really doesn't like Kadara.
  Ryder: Jaal, I need you to open up your mind about Kadara.
  Jaal: The Milky Way aliens are criminals who fight each other, and the angara are traitors. Which should I open up?
  • Ryder eventually gets fed up with Jaal's complaining and asks why he doesn't just wait on the ship.
    Jaal: I'm afraid of missing out.
  • Eventually, after the events of "High Noon", Jaal will admit Kadara's growing on him... sort of.
    Jaal: This planet is beginning to grow on me... like the searing pain of a festering flesh wound!
• In one conversation, Jaal is unusually pissy. When Liam asks what's up, Jaal explains that he voluntarily took a physical from Lexi.

SAM

• SAM's ongoing attempts at humor. In a flashback, Ryder's mom suggests the lackluster results are due to Alec Ryder being the one who programmed SAM.

Kallo Jath

• Jumping onto the hull of the Tempest during gameplay will piss Kallo off.
• The Beat when Kallo's introduction involves a comment about not wanting to lose the ship to an angry cloud. Ryder's expression sells the moment.
• If you ask Kallo about his opinions on the crew, when he gets to Drack, he laments that being a salarian means he should probably stay away from the krogan: apparently, Drack makes a roast dish that Kallo would just love to sample.
• When Ryder asks if the windows on the Tempest is tough enough, Kallo tells Ryder that the windows have been tested using three drunk krogans with sledgehammers and a C-Sec battering ram.
• His reaction to overhearing one of the first flirting sessions between Ryder and Suvi.
  Kallo: Kill. Me. Now.
  • This moment also doubles as Fridge Brilliance since Kallo has a Photographic Memory, meaning he'll always have this moment of cringe burned perfectly into his brain.
• After the end credits, Kallo has to witnesses yet another flirting session between Ryder and a romanced Suvi.
  Kallo: Do I have to be here for this?
  Ryder: Yes, you do.
• After the credits, Ryder receives an email apparently showing Kallo posing in front of the Tempest in aviator goggles and a scarf. Tragically, the player doesn't get to see the image.^*Though one redditor was happy to provide.
• Jumping in to one system (Gavorkham, home of Kadara) for the first time, Kallo is confused by the name (which is based on a famous krogan), until Suvi points out part of the local nebula looks like a krogan.
  Kallo: Where? I don- oooh, I see it!

Suvi Anwar

• In contrast to Ryder and a romanced Peebee, who apparently go at it like rabbits, Ryder and Suvi are just total dorks together.
  • After the game ends, a romanced Suvi will send Sara an e-mail saying they should clone a dog. Which she wants to call Rabbit. Makes you wonder what's in those rocks she's licking...
• At the end of the game, Suvi emails Ryder that the science team has decided to name their first Heleus-Milky Way plant hybrid after Ryder, despite 90% of them dying shortly after germination and those that survive tend to be sterile.
  Suvi: Okay, I just read this over and I feel like it could almost be taken as an insult, but I swear it's not.

Lexi T'Perro

• Much like Suvi and her sixty page essay on Andromeda dirt samples, Lexi mentions she wrote a thesis on the connection between krogan virility and aggression. Depending on Ryder's response to this, she may send an e-mail about it, noting she could only write so much due to length restrictions... meaning it clocks in at a mere five hundred pages. The one she wrote for the Council is much longer: Fifteen thousand pages, and with mating diagrams.
• After the credits, Lexi reveals she turned down an offer of a lower risk job to stay with Ryder.
  Ryder: Well, you've managed to keep me alive so far.
  Lexi: You've already died twice.
  Ryder: Three times, you mean.
  Lexi: Oh, no, no, no. That one's all on Harry.
• Lexi will declare that it's her night off in one dialogue, which Ryder will question, asking if she had this approved. Lexi doesn't even look up from her reading.
  Lexi: I can break bones just as easily as I can mend them, Ryder.

Gil Brodie

• After rescuing the Moshae and witnessing exaltation, Gil asks Ryder to turn the Tempest around and drop him off back at the Milky Way.
• Gil's notes about how his crewmates play poker, which Gil admits to Ryder are fake and were written to get a rise out of people (though how fake is up for debate as some ambient dialogue between Gil and Vetra about the game suggests at least the part involving her is accurate).
• When Ryder calls the Tempest a zoo, Gil gets excited about what animal he can be.
  Gil: Ooo, can I be a mongoose? They're like cool cobra killers. No wait, how about a crow? Smart, irreverent, obnoxious. That's it.
• After the end credits, Gil gives Ryder a new nickname. They're not enthused.
  Gil: Hail the Archon Killer!
  Ryder: Stop doing that.
  Gil: Whatever you say... Archon Killer.

Nexus

• Ryder's first formal conversation with Foster Addison is dedicated to insulting poor Ryder.
  • Addison complaining about having to use poetry of all things.
    Addison: We expected life, not an enemy that refuses to talk. They don't attack — they disinfect. We're nothing until we're bacteria. (Beat) Sorry. Fourteen months and you stoop to poetry. That's how bad it is.
    (later)
    Addison: I trust him to defend us. I do not trust a rising military influence in a supposedly civilian Initiative. We came here to make history, Ryder. Not repeat it. (Beat) Ugh. Goddamn poetry.
  • Addison is not your stepmother, Ryder!
    Ryder: Were you friends, or...?
    Addison: I'm not your new mother, if that's what you're asking. Or his friend.
  • Addison doesn't really care for Ryder's title.
    Addison: Ryder...
    Ryder: It's "Pathfinder."
    Addison: Ryder.
• The remaining crew of the Nexus are low on supplies when the Hyperion arrives. Listening in on the ambient dialogue can reveal some funny information. For instance, boxes of Girl Scout cookies are listed in the Hyperion's stores and a salarian technician calls dibs, even if he has to fight Nakmor Kesh for the Galaxy Swirls.
  • Likewise, you can hear that Ben, a flight pad technician who tries to stop the Tempest from leaving, has a requisition order for Blast-Ohs cereal and is sad that Hyperion didn't have any. Exploring the Tempest reveals there's a whole crate of Blast-Ohs in Vetra's room.
  • One salarian right below where Addison is will be cooing at the console, telling it that he is about to connect it to "sweet, sweet electricity."
• The Cultural Exchange on the Nexus is just as saccharine sweet as you would expect a public relations exhibit directed towards the peoples of an entirely new galaxy to be, painting each race as harboring borderline utopias, even the krogan (although their VI admits that their history has a bit of a shameful side).
• How Vortex, the club on the Nexus, got started. It was the personal chemistry lab of scientist Dutch Smith, but when people found out he could use his chemistry skills and equipment to make decent alcoholic beverages, people just showed up to his lab with chairs, tables, a bar, lights, and other "gifts for Dutch" who was forced to keep making drinks for people who wouldn't leave. Because of the popularity the place eventually got fully sanctioned by the Initiative leadership, making it an official business on the Nexus. Dutch, being an anti-social person, is not pleased by any of this.
  • Which means you can so totally get into the Vortex Club!
  • Ryder's commentary about Dutch's problems with Vortex:
    "Casual" Ryder: Bad people. Giving you free things and helping you set up. So inconsiderate.
    Dutch: Right? They keep bringing me things! Tables and chairs! And this bar, and lights... wait, you're making fun of me, aren't you?
  • Shortly afterwards, Dutch tries warning Ryder about the asari bartender:
    Dutch: The snark is strong with that one.
    Ryder: I'll be careful.
    Dutch: I was careful, and look what happened to me!
  • On another visit, Dutch is still confused as to why people keep showing up at his lab.
    "Casual" Ryder: Maybe it's your charm.
    Dutch: I never thought of that. Wait... you're mocking me, aren't you?
    Ryder: I would never.
  • Toward the end of the game, Drack can be found in the Vortex, with Dutch trying to confirm a tale of Drack's where he surfed on a shuttle falling into the atmosphere. Dutch even calls up Kesh to ask her to confirm this.
  • Finish the quest of gathering supplies for the Nexus, and the asari bartender will note the last ones "look horrible", before adding Dutch will love them. Sure enough...
  Bartender: Hey, Dutch, these look horrible.
  Dutch: I love them!
  • After patch 1.09, the Vortex gets a new feature: Poetry slam/karaoke. At one point, an angara is reading out an angara mystery. Dutch and his bartender get pretty into it.
    Dutch: Goddamnit, I hate cliffhangers!
    Bartender: Maybe it was the missing priestess, hiding in the box?
  • Eventually, songs will be exchanged, including one about Shanxi and how low rations got, one about a turian general who betrayed his men, and an angaran marching song. The transition between the first two involves the turian saying enough about "how we kicked your asses at Shanxi".
    • The first one also has a mild heartwarming moment — of all the (primarily undeserved) things that they could have hit General Williams for, the song teases about how bad a cook he was.
    • The song about Shanxi ("Shanxi Boys", judging by the refrain) is also hilarious because of the sheer effort the singer's putting into it.
• At some point after his loyalty mission, you can meet Drack in the Vortex. He invites you to join him, Kesh, and Dorn for a round of Giant Fire-Breathing Thresher Maws of Doom. Which turns out to be a krogan board game for children. Which is played using actual flamethrowers.
• After the embassy on Aya is established, Tann can be heard trying to convince the angara this is a good idea. He's not doing so great.
  Tann: We offer the angara our wisdom and our knowledge.
  Angaran diplomat: We already have those. Do you have anything you can actually offer.
  Tann: Well... we have... wisdom, and... knowledge?
  Angaran diplomat: We'll think about it.
• Likewise, after the Aya embassy is established, you can find a pair of angara exploring the cultural center. The female will wonder what this "ice cream" stuff is that everybody seems to keep talking about. Her male companion will explain it's conceptually identical to their own "ice drops," just a different recipe, and then gleefully explains he's going to be rich: he's got a brother who makes ice drops.
• Also, just after the angaran ambassador comes to the Nexus, he can be found talking with the asari who runs the center, talking about his meeting with Addison. Knowing Addison, you'd expect this to have been a disaster, right? Nope. Turns out the angara like her emotional bluntness. And then the ambassador adds...
  Ambassador: The swearing was amusing too.
• How Kesh handles Tann when she really doesn't want to deal with him: Fake static.
• Should the player choose Morda as ambassador at the end of the game, and they go to speak with Tann, he's utterly incapable of forming so much as a sentence. And it. Is. Glorious.
• After Drack's loyalty mission, Vorn can be found hanging out in the Nexus' hydroponics section, talking with Dr. Camden. At one point, it's possible to hear them talking about Vorn's latest idea, a little something he wants to call "the murder potato"...
  Dr. Camden: Vorn, we can't call a plant murder potato!
  Vorn: Even if we're the only ones who know about it?
• One mission you can pick up on the Nexus is undergoing the qualification process of the angaran equivalent to the N7 program. The angaran representative wants to see if Ryder is capable of passing the test, and what tactics the Milky Way offers that the angarans could incorporate into their own program. In particular, the angaran commando wants one of Ryder's jetpacks.
• In Alec Ryder's office, if you go through his personal logs you find some recordings of Liara's, before she met Shepard. One of them, on the Protheans, has Liara state that one cannot allow their personal opinions to cloud their judgement of the species. She then proceeds to expound on how the Protheans were clearly brilliant, wise, generous and supportive. Oh, Liara...

On Other Planets

Eos

• On Eos, when you approach the Invictor's base, he will contact you with threats, each one beginning with "I am Invictor!" What is Ryder's eventual response? A childish "I am Pathfinder! Rah bah bah!"
• Cain Fawkes at Podromos. Specifically, the way he describes his job.
  Fawkes: My team gets things going. Water, power, communications: everything a civilization needs. (Beat) Well, not laws or a constitution, but it's easier to concentrate on those when you've got a flushing toilet.
• Some of the background dialogue in hub areas can be pretty funny:
  Eos Colonist 1: Remind me never to go walking in the desert again.
  Eos Colonist 2: Aww, is somebody scared that there might be a big, bad Remnant machine tunneling underneath them?
  Eos Colonist 1: Wait, what? I was just bitten by one of those kaerkyn things! What the hell did I miss while I was in the medbay?!
• Once the outpost on Eos is established, look directly south from where Ryder spawns when exiting the Tempest. There's a woman standing near the water, staggering around like someone who is drunk. Looking at her face in close-up (such as with a sniper rifle scope) reveals that she's definitely three sheets to the wind. It gets funnier each time you return to Eos and the same woman is still staggering around; there is no direct in-game reference to explain why she's like this, although it is possible to come up with a Harsher in Hindsight explanation if you pay attention to what August Bradley has to say (see YMMV).

Aya

• Ambassador Rialla's first scene. Tann asks her how is the situation in Aya. She says that's it's all good, but...
  Rialla: I've never had to lie to a director before.
• After the embassy is set up on Aya, two angara can be heard talking about the visitors. The female says she's bored of humans, but would really like to see more of the asari... then, when her confused male counterpart asks why, the best she can come up with is that she "really likes the color blue."
  • It seems some angara might not be as bored, however; during your first visit, Ryder can hear an angara chiding her companion about calling Ryder "it"... And then telling him to stop staring at them.
• The Milky Way exhibit in the museum on Aya has artifacts donated by the Nexus diplomats. They include an Initiative cup, alcohol, playing cards, a soccer ball, a radio, a box of Blast-Ohs, and a coffee maker.
• At the end of the game, if you make the Moshae the ambassador, she'll remark that she's not sure whether to thank Ryder, or punch them. Ryder can offer her a free shot — just not the face.

Voeld

• On Voeld, while investigating the kett scientific outpost, a datapad can be found on their analysis of the Milky Way species.
  • The krogan one is mostly dry notes, except the first point, which says they're large, and the last one which... says they're large again.
  • They also note that the bodies of turians gives them "increased reach and flexibility."
• While riding around on Voeld, one of your squadmates will start to complain about the cold. Ryder tells them to let it go.
• While investigating the site of a kett attack the team has just collected the information when they notice a recurring pattern.
  Kett shuttle arrives and starts dropping troops
  Ryder: (sighing) ...and there's the ambush...
• In the Resistance base, Ryder can find two angara talking about their landing on Eos.
  Unfriendly angara: I hope they dealt with it.
  Ryder: Don't worry. They dealt with me, alright.
  • And if Jaal is in the party, inbetween the grumbling angara and Ryder's snarky response, Jaal lays into them for being so rude. Then Ryder says "they dealt with me, alright", making it seem like Jaal defending them is Evfra's method of dealing with aliens.
• Voeld’s capital city is named “Estraja” with the “j” pronounced as “y”. Many angara on Voeld speak in an Aussie accent, so when they mention Estraja, it sounds a lot like “Australia”.
• One of Voeld's side missions is Storming the Castle of the Ja Niihk Dig Site, which the kett have been holding thanks to a Living MacGuffin inside of it (an angaran AI). Once you get to the end of the mission, an angaran NPC will take custody of this capricious resident, only to have her electrocute him. Ryder must then decide between the NPC and the MacGuffin... While the angara's electrocutionary exclamations play in a loop in the background.
  Ryder: (choosing between a Failure-to-Save Murder and killing the MacGuffin they played an entire sidequest to rescue)
  Angaran NPC: ER AH UH

Havarl

• When first visiting Havarl, if Jaal's in your party, he'll mention not to touch the glowing fungi, because they're acidic. If Vetra's around, she chimes in on this.
  Vetra: Well, my day's complete!
  • Drack has a pretty straightforward response:
    Drack: This planet is weird.
    • Considering the fact that Drack is a krogan, who can live on planets actively trying to kill them at every turn, it's certainly saying something that even he's a bit taken back.

Kadara

• The planet Kadara has an acid lake that SAM notes would even eat through the Nomad's shields. The first thing Drack says when he sees it?
  Drack: I bet I can drink it.
  Lexi: (over the comm) No, Drack! No.
  • Ryder can even comment something like, "How bad could it be?" The player can then have them dip into the lake, and their reaction is about as predictable and as hilarious as you may expect from someone deciding to bathe in a body of water with high acidity: "Ow! Shit! Okay, don't touch that!"
  • Do it again and Ryder will say, "Yep! Still hurts!"
  • Drack, being a krogan, will remark that it tickles.
• One minor side quest on Kadara involves searching the sulfur pools for murder victims so their killers can later be brought to justice. While you're looking around, you can come across a couple of guys dumping another body.
  Outcast: Uh, don't worry about our friend here, he's just tired.
• In the minor quest "Beer Run," Ryder has been asked to find some good booze as a surprise for Kesh. When you find a bootlegger on Kadara, Ryder will ask for a bottle of his hardest stuff. SAM then reminds Ryder that the booze was for Kesh, thus Ryder makes a... small amendment to the order:
  Ryder: ...Make it six.
  • It needs to be underlined that said bootlegger operates out of a shuttle sitting in the middle of a friggin' sulfuric acid lake!
  • And should the player go near Kesh's office afterward, the Initiative woman who started the quest mentions Kesh drank all six bottles, and it didn't do a thing.
• A bit that overlaps with Nightmare Fuel: in the ending to the Mind Games sidequest in the Kadara Badlands, if you make SAM turn the signal against the ex-Cerberus scientists, they are eternally forced into their biological network. They are frozen reciting a passage from The Divine Comedy that fits the situation perfectly... but it also describes how they're feeling and their fate. It was all SAM: he is the one who chose the perfect message. One has to wonder whether SAM really does have dark sense of humor or not. Those lashing out are the Exiles that fell victim to the experiment, and the ones in the black mud are the scientists. A scene that is supposed to be disturbing is made funny by the actors' performance.
  Scientist 1: The river Styx runs through this level of Hell, and in it are punished the wrathful and the gloomy. The former are forever lashing out...
  Scientist 2: ...at each other piecemeal with their teeth. The latter are gurgling in the black mud, slothful and sullen, withdrawn from the world.
  • It also gets funny in a very dark fashion if you think that by Cerberus standards, their experiment is an unqualified success. After all, nothing got loose and started killing everyone.
• At one point while driving Ryder will pick up an SOS signal. If they investigate they'll finds it's a just two space stoners worried about their plants (heavily implied to be marijuana-equivalent) dying because their UV heat lamp broke. The entire scene is hilarious as seen here.
• The Outcast Code of Conduct, as presented by Kaetus.
  9. No fucking on shift. Off shift, do whatever you want. But I don't want to know about it.
• The button joke returns! There's a mysterious button in the Collective Base on Kadara. Complete with salarian telling you NOT to push it. Go on. Push it.
• When scanning Collective members to find a traitor, some of SAM's descriptions are quite... blunt.
  High levels of sulfur in his clothes.
  Could use a bath.
• While hunting for scavengers in the badlands, Ryder tries to remain positive.
  Ryder: Maybe the scavengers will be reasonable?
  Vetra: Don't get your hopes up.
  • Parking the Nomad right outside the scavenger's base, it's quickly revealed that they were all killed by the native wildlife. Again, Ryder remains positive.
    Ryder: Well... dead is a kind of reasonable.
• Kadara's outpost mayor is named Christmas Tate. If you ask him, he says his mother had an odd sense of humor. Her name? Holiday Tate. The outpost Christmas leads, named "Ditaeon", sounds very tame in comparison, pretty on par with any alien-sounding name in the series, until you find out it's actually an abbreviation. It stands for: "Deploy In The Ass End Of Nowhere."
• Apparently we can never keep away from the Verner family, even in another galaxy. Cassandra apparently left for the Andromeda Galaxy to get away from her idiotic brother. So she's more sane, right? Well... no. Not in the slightest. Cassandra's just as mad as her brother, only her idol is Sloane Kelley.
  Cassandra: I want to be just like her! Learn the ropes! And then I'm going to call up my brother Conrad and say, "see, idiot, you're not the only one who hangs out with famous people!"
• A man named Jim on Kadara wants Ryder to deliver a message to an asari he's sweet on while he's in prison. When asked what he was jailed for he says that he may have had too much to drink, and urinated on a guard.
  Guard: No "may have" about it. My boots still smell of piss.
  Jim: I've always been a bad drunk.

Elaaden

• If you choose to give the Drive Core to Morda and hang around New Tuchanka, you can hear her speaking over the radio:
  Morda: If you see that filthy traitor, Strux, give him a pat on the head... and then kick him out!
• In the krogan settlement, there's a series of terminals containing silly posts. Highlights include the "Social Interactions" thread. It starts with the krogan trying to learn courting behavior from movies — including Blasto and Fleet and Flotilla (with an addendum that the krogan are forbidden to sing). After that predictably fails (including one fatality from someone who stood outside with a sonic amplifier (used to stand in for a boombox) over his head during a thunderstorm; nobody is entirely sure how that happened on a desert world that doesn't have thunderstorms), they try holding a girls-choice dance, at the suggestion of Morda of all people. The last post in the thread honors all those lost during said dance, saying that they are "true heroes." ^note Wrex did say krogan dances involve more bullets and not much dancing...
  • One of the videos the krogan are expected to watch is Krant Hardly Wait, which is about a krogan trying to romance a human girl. Some of the krogan objected to it because of the Interspecies Romance, but the writer tells them to suck it up because the krogan lead is trying to learn proper courting behavior just like they all are, and because Vega Bull Jr.'s performance as the human girl's father is so good that he needs to be made an honorary krogan.
  • Another of the videos chosen is Asari Confessions No. 26: True Blue. The writer just notes "couldn't hurt."
  • Gathering bouquets to give to the females might have actually worked if the nettles the males had been collecting hadn't turned out to be poisonous. This is followed by a note that the females have been patient so far by "only" breaking bones.
  • Another highlight is the "New Fathers" thread, which is a mixture of funny and heartwarming. They start normally, the krogan trying to be good fathers to their children... then krogan it up, so that a normal gathering of the kids involves demolition charges exploding.
  • There's also a message from a krogan who's desperate to get the last few ingredients they need in order to make gingersnap cookies, which he calls "gingerbeard."
  • Another one has one krogan telling everyone they have real, properly-grilled varren steak. Followed by e-mails of them informing the people who fell for it that he never said it wasn't cloned, or that it was grilled the way he claimed it was, or any of that, and that pyjak sauce means something different in his clan, and one e-mail of another krogan asking for someone to just kill him already.
  • Yet another one revolves around a krogan offering the services of his fabricator to manufacture the parts necessary to repair broken vintage guns. He explains how the thing churns out small brick-like elements that can be snapped together to form larger components. Eventually, he puts the fabricator itself up for sale after he's had enough of stepping on those awfully sharp-edged bricks and experiencing agony like never before. Sound familiar?
  • Krogan LARP.◊ That is all.
  • The Krogan OSHA e-mail, with such gems as "only use a blow torch to give yourself a tattoo if you really want one" and "don't add guns to things unless you think they need them".
• After establishing the settlement on Elaaden, Ryder will have the usual conversation with Addision and she'll note that Tann won't be all that happy about it. Choosing the Emotional Option (labeled "Fuck Tann") nets you this absolute gem:
  Ryder: You know, it's hard to calculate how few fucks I give about Tann's opinion.
  Addison: Of course, I cannot comment.
• While hunting for Annea's water supply, there's this gem from Liam:
  Liam: Let me get out my antique dowsing rod.
  Ryder: Keep it in your pants, Kosta...
  Liam: No, I meant- ... you're making fun of me, aren't you?
• Bring Liam and Jaal along on the hunt for the drive core, and at the end of it, there's this:
  Liam: Can't wait to have a shower when this is all over. Even my sweat is sweaty!
  Jaal: Why not go to Voeld and have a lie down in a snowdrift?

Loyalty Missions

• Liam's loyalty mission is filled with funny moments.
  • At the start, whoever else you brought along makes their opinion of Liam's Trojan Horse gambit very clear.
    Cora: The Greeks didn't have to worry if Troy had air.
    Vetra: Bad metaphor, and bad plan.
    Jaal: What's a horse, and how do we know there's air out there?
    Drack: Horses don't last long without air.
    Peebee: The Trojans didn't risk suffocating in space.
  • The player Ryder can choose to intentionally troll the enemy leader
    • During one conversation the player Ryder can invoke their inner Han Solo when they are contacted by the enemy leader over a comm-link. Liam's reaction shows he clearly got the reference and joke.
      Ryder: Everything's under control. Just a simple weapon malfunction. How are you?
      Liam: *snickers*
    • Also, Ryder and Liam can choose to abuse Shepard's old Running Gag of hanging up on people mid-conversation by hanging up on Calot multiple times within seconds of each other. Alternatively Ryder can continue the Han Solo impersonation by shooting the comm-link (and then continue arguing with Liam about the mission without missing a beat). Both lead to Calot throwing a tantrum and attempting Javik's old running gag of trying to throw Ryder's squad out of an airlock.
      Calot: I will not be ignored anymore!
      Liam: See? Total asshole.
      Calot: That's it. Space them!
      Underling: But, Calot, we...
      Calot: *pistol whips underling* I will not be ignored.
      Liam: Such an asshole.
      (or)
      Calot: It's so easy to get you to fight each other—
      INTERRUPT: shoot the console
      Ryder: WE HAVE A BAD PLAN TO RESCUE PEOPLE AND WE'RE DOING IT! ANY QUESTIONS?
      Liam: (scared) Nope.
      Ryder: Good! (Beat) I shot the console. Think he'll be mad?
      Liam: What more could he do?
      Airlock: (happens)
    • The best part is that the Archon's theme starts playing every time his view screen pops up, and it abruptly stops when they disconnect.
    • When Calot attempts to space the party, the three squadmates hold on for dear life through the explosive decompression. Ryder can offer a blunt appraisal of the situation:
      Ryder (Professional): I really hate this plan, Liam!
      Liam: Right now?! Me too!
    • Alternatively:
      Ryder (Flippant): Liam! Hold me!
      Liam: *laughs*
    • The third squadmate's comments are also hilarious.
      Peebee: Get a Room!! With a floor!
      Vetra: I'm sad I can't punch both of you!
      Jaal: Unimpressed!
      Cora: Not the time!
      Drack: *laughs*
  • The squad gets a nasty surprise as they start trying to find their way through the ship. It's Liam's matter of fact delivery that sells it.
    Liam: This way. (opens a door)
    (Behind the door is a large automatic turret which starts charging up. Liam immediately closes the door.)
    Liam: Not that way.
    (turret audibly discharges into closed door)
  • When things start looking bad, Ryder and Liam get into an argument, which doesn't go the way Ryder expects.
    Ryder: ...Why am I the one defending your plan?!
  • The team is rescued when August Bradley arrives with a team of engineers who manage to hack into the ship's systems, sealing the door. An unintended side effect of their hacking is that the ship's Artificial Gravity malfunctions, causing everything to go sideways. Throughout the rest of the mission, Bradley's team keeps jacking around with the artificial gravity, much to the dismay and annoyance of Calot and his men, in addition to opening sealed doors for Ryder and causing equipment to catastrophically malfunction when Calot's men try to take cover nearby. It's clear that Bradley's team is having the time of their lives.
  • The end of it has Liam and Ryder looking out at the ship they raided.
    Liam: Think that thing would survive a jump back to the Nexus?
    * the ship explodes offscreen*
    Ryder: (grinning) Probably not.
  • A side room has an object you can scan. SAM's analysis:
    Adapted Particle Infuser: The purpose of this device is not discernible. It may have been misapplied by the scavengers. Possibly while bored. I don't know why this is here.
  • Just before screwing with the gravity again, Liam starts whistling. Then Ryder scolds him for it.
    Ryder: No whistling.
    Liam: (like a kid who's been given a time-out) Aww, man.
• The beginning of Peebee's loyalty mission. Poor Ryder looks like the annoyed person in a sitcom. In fact, the beginning plays out almost like one!
  Peebee: So, uh... are you mad, Ryder?
  Ryder: Mad is the smallest word for what I am.
  • If the player goes with "I'm not mad", Ryder says it in such a weary tone.
  • If you bring Drack along, the safety harness in the escape pod can't clamp into place around him. It just keeps on jiggling about above his head. A minor gag, but hilarious.
  • At the end of the mission, you have to sprint for a shuttle because the volcano is going off.
    Peebee: There's the escape pod! [Beat] Well, there goes my bedroom!
• Drack's loyalty mission, A Future for Our People, is basically a comedy parade that consists of Drack being an overprotective, jealous dad. Oh, and kicking ass.
  • In this mission you have to rescue a krogan botanist (that's not a typo). Along the way:
    Vorn: Pathfinder? If you don't make it in time... could you give Kesh my love, please?
    Drack: Don't be stupid, of course we'll make it in— wait, what did you just say?
    Vorn: Uh. Oh! Oooh. I said "love", didn't I...
    Drack: I'm going to rescue him, and then I'm gonna KILL HIM.
  • This comes right on the heels of Drack describing him as having no survival instinct. At all.
  • At another point, the team needs to take a shortcut, so Drack raps on a wall, says "This'll do," and re-enacts how he and Ryder met. Cut to the other side of the wall.
    Drack: Incoming! *smashes through the wall and takes out two mooks* Hahaha, hi!
  • When the team eventually reaches the container Vorn has locked himself in, Drack smashes the thing open with his bare fist, resulting in Vorn faceplanting into the floor when the door flies open. Not only is Drack's face while looking down on him hilarious, it gets even better when Vorn turns around to face his saviors.
    Vorn: (completely nonchalantly, waving at them from the floor) Hi, guys!
    Drack: *Death Glare*
  • Drack's "conversation" with Aroane who gloats that he'll destroy everything the krogan love. Drack's not so great at the taunting.
    Drack: There's only one thing getting destroyed here today. And that's you. And this place. And also your boss. And probably your entire crew. So a lot of things are getting destroyed here, actually — and all of them are yours!
  • Ryder and your squadmate (Jaal in particular) make fun of the big guy at the end of the mission after telling him he's not worthless.
    Vorn: You're not worthless, Drack.
    Drack: We are not having this conversation.
    Ryder: I dunno, maybe he's got a point, Drack.
    Drack: I hate you all. Let me be old and cranky in peace already.
  • Ryder can ask Vorn about how his relationship with Kesh began. Then Vorn comments that he really does love her. Then he asks if Drack hates him while he's standing right there.
    Vorn: She's... I really care about her. Ryder, Drack doesn't hate me, does he?
    Drack: I'm right here. And no, I don't.
  • Bring Peebee along as the third member, and she and Drack will both complain about how Aroane's goons are an insult to pirates. And when Aroane holds Vorn hostage, Peebee notices him grabbing the stink bomb plant, and gets giddy when she realises what's about to happen.
    Peebee: (as Vorn grabs the plant) Here comes my favourite part!
  • Vorn developed a flower and named it after Kesh. He asks Ryder to give it to her. Drack is mortified.
    Drack: *sigh* Seriously?
  • When you do give the flower to Kesh, she complains that Vorn is a sentimental fool. Ryder then offers to take it back, and Kesh immediately backpedals and says she'll keep it.
• From Cora's loyalty mission: Ryder's team is working with an inexperienced Asari commando to find the source of the asari Ark's power problems. The cause turns out to be a mix of Awesome and Funny. Basically, a bunch of asari were trapped in a damaged section of the ship by a hull breach, and nobody could figure out how to rescue them. One engineer managed to very quickly cobble together a makeshift solution to generate a mass effect field to patch the hole and hold the damaged section together to evacuate everyone. The notes she left behind can suggest that she might have Mad Scientist tendencies.
  • Deactivating the generator causes the damaged (and long-abandoned) portion of the ship to shear off. Ryder has the option of helpfully pointing out to the captain that there is now a large gaping hole in her ship.
  • A mild detail if you bring Jaal along — as they approach the mass effect field, Ryder and Cora note it's making their teeth hurt (as happens with biotics and mass effect fields). Jaal? Just notes his skin's a little itchy.

Misc.

• One of the salvage items that randomly drops and can be sold for credits is a Turian Calibration Coil.
• Some of the scanning flavour text can be pretty hilarious, if you just stop to pay attention:
  Bunk beds
  DATA:
  Stainless steel frame
  Foam mattress
  Multiple genetic sources detected
  100% angara
  100% asari
  ANALYSIS:
  Organic fluids suggest cross-species relations took place here.
  • Upon scanning another bed:
    I would not suggest sleeping here.
• Each time you deploy a forward station on a planet, the forward station terminals on that planet get a log entry. Most of these are just scientific analyses of the specific planet's horrific ecology, but some are comedy gold. For example, this email chain on Havarl:
  Tann: WHAT?! Unsustainable growth? Is this literally saying we either have no life on planets or too much life? Are you kidding me? What's the weird human story about the bears and the porridge?
  Addison: Goldilocks. Also, calm down please.
  Kesh: Stop replying all. This went out to everyone, not just leadership.
  • On Voeld, some of the entries are glorious. One is from the local Angaran Resistance forces.
    MESSAGE OF THE DAY: STAY RELAXED AND FUCK THE KETT!
  • Another entry is a live-link from the Nexus, with people on the Nexus talking about the planet (which was a warm, tropical-ish seaside climate before the Scourge hit).
    janethereveller: Check it! Current temp: -60C. Baby, it's Voeld outside.
  • Karin Miura is having a good time on Eos:
    Shhh. Shhhh, it's a secret. But Pathfinder. Team. We think you're sexy. As fuck. Everyone in exogee… exogo… Everyone up here agrees! Your data is soooo good!
• One that doesn't become clear unless the game is played through at least once with both twins: the two Ryders heard very different versions of how their parents got together. Either Alec embellished things when he shared his version with Scott, or Ellen never actually told Alec that the bad boy act he tried to pull when they first met utterly failed to convince her and she thought the effort was adorable.
• In the epilogue, one of the memos you can find is labelled "Reports to shut Tann up", which contains analysis of Meridian. In it, anything related to the possibility of Meridian being used as a weapon is earmarked "Do not tell Tann this."
  Report: This is the dark question on everyone's mind: can Meridian be weaponized? Anything can be weaponized if you throw it hard enough (definitely do not say that to Tann).
• On it's release, the multiplayer mission "Celebratory Mission" had an interesting glitch. Upon reaching wave 3, the game started spawning dozens, or even hundreds of Walking Tanks, to the point where they would eventually crash the game. While many found this to be annoying (Completing the mission gives a free item pack), many also found it to be absolutely hilarious, and that fighting off dozens of killer robots was genuinely fun. This was obviously fixed soon.

Unsorted

• At one point, Drack and Vetra can be overheard comparing scars. One of the scars on Drack's head was the result of a "crazy one-eyed mercenary" trying to pry the plate off Drack's head with a knife. Good ol' Zaeed.
  • The other scar on Drack's head came from headbutting an armored utility vehicle. Vetra is nonplussed by that explanation. Drack's clarification that the vehicle looked at him funny probably didn't clear things up.
• After you have defeated the Archon you'll receive e-mails of thanks from several of the Milky Way colonists. You also receive an e-mail titled "A great story, Pathfinder," sent by, get this: none other than Varric Tethras!''
  Varric's E-mail: I'm going to write a book about this.
  • Varric's not the only one to send Ryder an e-mail all the way from Thedas, either: There's R. Jenny and Widdle (or: Sera and Dagna) sending an image of Meridian giving the two-finger salute. SAM helpfully notes that, while awesome, the image is not to scale. There's also good ol' Carver Hawke, complaining that he didn't get to help (because of course he would), there's an e-mail from Aveline and even... Anders!
    Anders' E-mail: Let's blow the roof off this place.
  • And it even branches out into other Bioware properties: someone named Jen Zi says that your victory was radiant.^note Radiant Jen Zi is one of the default character names in Jade Empire.
• Unfortunately this appears to be a cut line but on Kadara... you can make SAM high.
  Ryder: Let's, um... never speak of this again. Ever.
  SAM: Speak of what? A General keeps his secrets.
• Jaal is known as a master of snarking. Moshae Sjefa proves that he inherited it from her.
  Ryder: You and my crewmate have a close relationship. Any advice? Hints?
  Sjefa: He talks in his sleep.
  Ryder: Uh...
  Sjefa: Worth it for the look on your face.
• During the epilogue, one of the email terminal messages you can find belongs to an asari exobiologist complaining about a certain someone not being treated with respect in death. The fragment below underlines how people despise him so much that they will not respect him in the least.
  Reporting Exobiologist: Dr. Viara P'lina
  Subject: The Archon
  Species: Kett
  Age: Unknown
  Cause of Death: The jokes will cease. The cause of death is not "Pathfinder." I may be second wave and didn't see the fight, but there are no monsters in my morgue. This being will be afforded the respect of our profession — especially since the cause of death could have direct consequences, should our Pathfinder continue to manipulate Remnant, or others seek training in their use.
• Depending on your actions throughout the game, you can meet Sloane Kelly during the Epilogue. If you're snarky with her...
  Sloane Kelly: If you're expecting a pat on the back, you're going to be disappointed.
  Ryder: All right. I'll settle for a hug.
  Sloane Kelly: How does your crew stand you?
• On arrival at what's not actually Meridian, it's raining, which the party comments on. Explore a little further, and it's possible to find an explanation: Basically, it's the Jaardan equivalent of bust AC, complete with a note saying, essentially, "yes, we are going to fix it, stop bugging us about it already!" Even in the future, nothing works!
• Pulling off a sick jump on H-047c will get Ryder cackling like a mad (wo)man.
  • You can also really freak out whoever's riding with you if you get too close to the giant chasm.
• The space hamster is back! Upon capturing the little guy, who is revealed to have been eating the Tempest's food stores, the player is given the option of deciding what to do with him. The hamster's squeaks are even subtitled.
  Ryder: How about a nice, warm cage in my quarters and all the cereal you can eat?
  Space Hamster: (happy squeaking)