Funny / Major Crimes

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• In the pilot, Sykes asks a question she really should know the answer to.
  Sykes: Do you guys play FPS games?
  Provenza: FP what?
  Sykes: FPS. First-person shooters. (Provenza looks at her like she has three heads.)
  Sanchez (to Provenza): You don't, sir. (To Sykes) He doesn't.
  • From the same episode, to placate Rusty, Sharon accepts the file on his mother, promising to look through it. After Rusty steps out of her office, she puts the file in a drawer in her desk, which used to be Brenda's desk... and said drawer was Brenda's sweets drawer, which is still holding a massive amount of sweets that Brenda never cleaned out. Then, at the end of the episode, Fritz comes by with a large bag to collect them.
• Rusty's first day of school in "The Ecstasy and the Agony":
  • Sharon has to wake him up twice. The second time, Rusty yells that it's not even six o'clock yet.
  • She says they have five minutes, but Rusty's not going to his first day of school without a shower. He makes a beeline for the bathroom and closes the door.
  • In the car, Rusty wonders why he's going to a Catholic school, since he isn't:
    Sharon: Just walk around with a guilty look on your face. You'll fit right in.
• "I, Witness" is pretty much nonstop funny at how the universe keeps laughing at Flynn, dashing every single Hope Spot he gets that the murder suspect, a witness in a major case, is innocent. Until the shocks are finally too much and he faints.
• In "There's No Place Like Home", Buzz pulls down one of the apartment complex's security cameras, which are about as old as the residents.
  Tao: If you look through the lens, you might see Barnaby Jones.
  • The mere sight of Provenza wearing a pair of round, red-rimmed, women's eyeglasses at the shooting range to try to keep his certification. (They work.)
• "Frozen Assets" features Johnathan Baird's (a.k.a. "Dick Tracy") return as an overzealous security guard that had roped Flynn and Provenza into a murder investigation involving a poisoned dog, a frozen head, and 20 million dollars.
  • The dog was a Maltese — named Falcon.
  • Rusty's tagging along, and he starts musing about getting a job, leading Provenza to start talking about his first job. Flynn jokes that Provenza was a deck hand on the Mayflower and a dishwasher at the Last Supper.
  • The gang watch the video will of a rich lady who keeps changing it several times (she cuts off her son after finding out he "voted for a certain black President who shall remain nameless.") Sharon actually eats popcorn watching.
• In "Two Options", Commander McGinnis of Special Operations Bureau asks Raydor and Tao their opinions of Fritz, who's being evaluated as a potential Deputy Chief of SOB.
  Tao: FBI, but still. [thumbs up]
• In "Pick Your Poison", while Dr. Morales is briefing Raydor, Sykes and Rios on the victims' conditions, they all turn in his direction simultaneously with their arms crossed, prompting him to remark, "What is this, Charlie's Angels?" The women all look at each other confused for a moment until they realize what happened.
  • The LAPD has an undercover narc at the victims' high school, who Raydor refers to as a "buy guy." Two people get tripped up and think she's saying "bi guy" — the openly gay Morales and the still-closeted Rusty.
• "Do Not Disturb" ends with the squad teasing Sykes because they're pretty sure she's dating Lt. Cooper, but she won't admit it. Then Rusty comes out to them... with not much of a reaction. (Because they already knew.)
  Buzz (deadpan): We did not know that.
  • Provenza says that if Rusty was gay, they'd trust him more, and they'd hope that he'd trust them more. This is what gets Sykes to crack and admit she's dating Cooper. A legitimately surprised Buzz pays off a bet to Tao.
  • Rusty already knew about Sykes and Cooper, but she incorrectly assumes it's because Raydor told him after Sykes told her — it's actually because he saw Sykes and Cooper making out in front of the entrance to Special Operations Bureau while he was going to see Dr. Joe. Cue even more teasing from the guys.
• Provenza's continuing pestering of Flynn about the nature of his relationship with Raydor, and Flynn's constant correction of him — they're just friends.
  Flynn: My situation with the Captain is completely different from yours with Patrice.
  Provenza: So she's "the Captain" again, huh?
  Flynn: [massive eyeroll] Okay, I'll answer your stupid question! You don't stop dating someone because it's going well. And if Sharon and I were dating, which we're not—
  Provenza: Which you are, but never mind.
  • At the end of "Acting Out", Flynn's trying to explain their situation to his daughter. Raydor's "helping." Rusty jumps in and asks them about all of the things Flynn and Raydor have done together over the last several months (ironically, starting after said daughter's wedding), ending by pointing out that they're all about to go see The Nutcracker with both of their families:
    Nicole: I see. But they're definitely not dating. As far as you know.
    Rusty: Or as far as they know.
  • The episode's last lines as they're leaving:
    Sharon: We're not dating.
    Rusty: Several times a month.
• "Turn Down" shows us a...unique method of unlocking a phone:
  Morales: Whoa, whoawhoawhoa. You want me to shock the corpse?
  Raydor: [completely nonchalant] Yes.
  Tao: Why not? He's not getting any deader.
  Morales: Okay. But nobody tweet about this!

  (It works, in case you're wondering.)
  • The episode is based around Buzz's first day of Reserve Officer training. He, Flynn, and Provenza get into one of the new police SUVs. The first thing Provenza does is accidentally set off the sirens.
  • Every counter Provenza and Flynn have for Buzz's goody-two-shoes rules lawyering.
  • Later, the bride-to-be is in one of the interrogation rooms. She's hungry and hypoglycemic, and is absolutely going to town on a Dagwood Sandwich. It is actually bigger than her head. Buzz compares it to a TV show he'd recently seen where a python swallowed a baby wildebeest, "but there was a lot less screaming." She later declines Tao's offer to clear the rest of the food from the room, saying "I might pick a little."
    Raydor: Lisa Sloan may not be guilty of murder, but she is definitely killing that sandwich.
• Talking to a coed about the murder of a professor, Sharon asks the age of a man she saw. The coed replies "Older... maybe 30s?" as Sharon and Flynn exchange a "really?" look.
• "Skin Deep" has plenty of funny, from Buzz finding a floating corpse while following Flynn at the new house he wants to buy to Sharon's reaction when he jokes about the woman's chest being "floaty."
  • When Rusty asks Buzz why he jumped into the pool to grab the body, Buzz replies that if it had been Flynn or Provenza, "I'd be pulling two bodies out instead of one."
  • The team tracks an illegal plastic surgeon in a suburban home and among his waiting patients is comedienne Paula Poundstone. As she leaves, Poundstone calls Kathy Griffin to tell her to turn around.
  • The doctor is confronted mid-surgery, talking in broken English with a Korean accent. When the cops point out he was born and raised about a mile away, he pauses and shrugs in perfect English, in an American accent: "Oh, well, what can I tell you? It's good for business." Both the patient and the man's nurse give him stunned looks.
    Tao: You're practicing medicine without a license, and I find your accent really offensive.
  • The doctor's name is Yu, which naturally comes up when a suspect starts claiming "you" ran a DNA test and the cops go back and forth on who in the LAPD did it.
  • The episode ends with Flynn, Raydor and Rusty touring the house again with the realtor — who lets slip that toxic mold was found. Understandably, this kills everyone's interest.
    Rusty: Trust me, if there was a deal to be made here... my mother would have made it.
• In "Tourist Trap", Tao has been called out of an awards dinner to a murder, without the opportunity to change out of his tuxedo.
  Reporter: Do you always dress this way for work?
  Tao: What way?
  Sykes: [deadpan] This is a formal investigation.
• In "Reality Check", Tao and Sanchez are interviewing the publicist/sister of a reality TV star who survived a car crash that killed his wife, demanding to know where he is after she helped him flee the hospital. Buzz, in Electronics, gets a tip that he's doing a live interview on E! with Mario Lopez.
  • She mouths word-for-word what Chip says about his dead wife and the end of the interview. The looks on Tao and Sanchez's faces are priceless.
• Nolan and Paige's trip to San Diego in "Conspiracy Theory, Part 3":
  • The Ship Tease between the two continues as Nolan suggests they get tacos later. Paige insists on paying for hers and keeping their relationship professional. Nolan then points out that not only is Sykes dating her former boss in SIS, but Raydor and Flynn just got married.
  • The woman they're looking for comes home and doesn't want to talk about anything that happened between her and her former boss.^note She's an ex-waitress at a restaurant chain whose owner is a murder suspect and is later linked to a string of rapes. She'd much rather flirt with Nolan, who has no problem flirting back. Paige can't stop rolling her eyes.
  • The next morning, they check in with the rest of Major Crimes after having staked her out for several hours. They note that she's visited several men over a 12-hour period or so, staying for an hour each time.
    Paige: Look, one or two of them were only about forty minutes.
  • They wrap up their video call and Raydor tells them to stay down there a while longer:
    Nolan: Will do, Commander. We'll stay in close contact with Shelly.
    Paige: He means it.
• From the same episode, Sanchez calls an acquaintance in Las Vegas about another potential victim. When she calls back, she gets Chief Mason's phone (Sanchez gave her "his old Chief's" card years ago, and wrote his number on the back, which she didn't see) and starts flirting with Sanchez hard until he tells her that she's on speaker — and that Mason and Raydor are listening in.

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