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Funny / Little Princess

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  • "I Want to Be Tall"
    • At the beginning, Princess is trying to get her space hopper down from an apple tree. She then gets called in for dinner, and gives up. "But what about [the space hopper]?" asks the narrator. "He can have an apple if he's hungry." is the Princess's reply.
    • Princess's attempts to make herself taller, including eating all the mashed potatoes, watering herself, and using compost.
    • When she uses compost, the narrator lists all the ingredients, one of them being poo.
      Princess: "Poo?! This better work."
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    • When the Princess sees the Maid watering the flower, she thinks she's washing it.
    • The pets measuring themselves, competing to see who can be the tallest.
  • "I Want to Be a Cavegirl"
    • The Princess describes the cave people as living a long, long, "longy", long time ago, even before Mum and Dad.
    • The Princess doesn't use silverware or table manners when she's being a cavegirl, as in the stone age these weren't invented.
      • Her conversation with her mother over this.
        Queen: "I don't like to see you eat like that."
        Princess: "Don't watch, then."
    • Puss pranking Scruff in his Tarzan outfit.
    • This Cringe Comedy when the General is joining the Princess at pretending to hunt for woolly mammoths, and they catch the maid instead. "Sorry," says the General. "We thought you were a hairy elephant." The Maid is not amused.
    • Princess declaring that she will be a cavegirl "at day" and at night.
  • "I Don't Want to Comb My Hair"
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    • The mice teasing Puss.
    • Princess's hiding places for combs include the wool basket, the rabbit burrow, the pet basket, the pond (the Admiral thinks it's a fish), and the birds' nest.
    • When the Princess is told that she's in charge of combing, she thinks she's in charge of combing everyone's hair.
    • When the Princess is combing her dolls' hair, she claims it's giving her "muscles".
    • The hair decorations that the Princess puts on the people. She gives the Maid pigtails, the Chef bows in his moustache, Puss a bow in his fur, the Prime Minister doesn't get any hair decorations but he does have a minor Nobody Touches the Hair moment, the General doesn't get any decorations either, and the Gardener is bald, but the Princess decides she has to do something so she puts a daisy chain on his head and the Admiral gets a bow on his beard. As for Scruff, he messes himself up on purpose to be combed.
  • "I Want to Whistle"
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    • Everyone's funny abilities. The King can make music with spoons, the Princess can make fart noises with her armpits, the General can wiggle his ears, the maid can pop her mouth, and the Prime Minister can hop backwards and pat his head.
    • The Princess's two big speeches.
      "You whistle if you're busy, you whistle to sail off, you whistle when you're happy, and if you want someone to listen to ya, ya whistle!"

      "It's not fair! I can't hop backwards and pat my head at the same time, I can't wiggle my ears, I can't make my finger go pop in my mouth, and MOST OF ALL.....I.....CAN'T.....WHISTLE!!!!"
  • "I Don't Want a Bath"
    • Princess attempting to stay clean by wearing an apron and wellies, and avoiding playing in the mud.
    • When the tub is unavailable, the Chef says he will wash in the kitchen sink.
  • "I Don't Want to Tidy Up"
    • The Princess's block castle. She started after breakfast and by evening time she's just finished it because in the kitchen, it was not allowed, on the rug, the Queen says that the Princess must tidy up because visitors were coming, and in the garden, the gardener was mowing stripes on the lawn.
    • This conversation
      King (with emphasis, but not shouting): "Toys belong in the toy-box."
      Princess (curious): "Why?"
      Queen: "Places have to be tidy."
      Princess (curious, and a little impatient): "Why?!"
      Queen: "So you can find things."
      Princess: "But I know where everything is."
      King (not seeming to be listening to reason): "Poppet..."
      Princess: "You never let Mommy tidy your desk."
      King (in a self-centered voice): "But I know where everything is!"
  • "I Can't Remember"
    • The Princess is playing general and stands up her toys, except one stuffed bunny Nora, who keeps falling over, so the Princess says "Okay, Nora. You can sit down."
  • "I Don't Want to Go to Bed"
    • Princess's reason for why she can't sleep: "My eyes are open."
  • "I Want My Tooth"
    • Upon hearing that the King ate the wrong things, the Princess points to the Chef's individual foodstuffs, and asks emphatically "Is that a wrong thing?". The Chef is not amused.
    • The Queen tells the Princess that "Sugary things are not good". "Don't give any to Daddy, then", the Princess says, followed by "I won't" from the Queen.
    • The Prime Minister trying to take a photo. The King and Queen both want to be in the centre, the King wonders if his crown is straight, the Princess is trying to hide her missing tooth, and the Queen doesn't like the King's clothes.
  • "I Didn't Do It"
    • The Princess saying that Gilbert made the mess.
    • When the Princess confesses, she says "Put me in the kennel.".
  • "I Don't Know What to Be"
    • When the Princess is trying out the Admiral's job, but leaves to try the General's job, the Admiral says "Mutiny!"
    • When the Princess asks the Maid what she should be when she grows up, the Maid says "I hope you will be helpful". The Princess asks if being helpful is a job. "It's a job for some people", says the Maid.
    • The Princess's two dream jobs at the end: either a big princess or a cat.
    • This conversation
      Princess: "Do you like being a prime minister?"
      Prime Minister: "It's an honor."
      Princes: "Is that good?"
    • The Prime Minister demonstrating kissing babies by kissing Gilbert.
  • "I Want My Dummy"
    • The Princess looking for her dummy in the croquet bag.
      King: "There are no dummies in there!"
  • "I Don't Like Salad"
    • Princess on being asked if she doesn't like Chef's cooking: "It's not cooking. It's raw!"
    • Princess on seeds: "How do the plants fit in there?"
    • When the Princess is treating her tomato plant like a Companion Cube, the Admiral thinks it has a sunburn, but the Princess says "It's a tomato. It's supposed to be red."
  • "I Want to Do Magic"
    • The Princess addressing the narrator, toys, and pets as "Ladies and gentlemen. Cat and dog."
    • The Princess wanting to make balloons shaped like ducks, dogs, and a dinosaur.
    • The Princess worries she has made the Queen disappear, because she said "Abracadabra, abra caday", then got angry and said, "Make my mum go away!"
    • When the Princess sees the Prime Minister and says "You're not my mum!", he says "No! I'm the Prime Minister!"
  • "I Don't Like Worms"
    • The Princess thinks the spaghetti and toothpaste are worms.
  • "What's Wrong With Gilbert?"
    • When Gilbert loses his leg and the adults are talking about awarding him a medal.
      Princess: "Gilbert doesn't want a medal!! He wants his leg back on!"
  • "I Want to Win"
    • When the Princess is asking which game they want to play, she phrases it like this.
      "What game do you want to lose at?"
  • "Maid's Day Off"
    • Princess putting jam on the cereal, saying "I'll put on some jam and some jam and some jam and jam!"
  • "Can I Keep It?"
    • When the Princess hears that a tadpole is a wild animal, she says "It doesn't look very wild.".
    • When the tadpole lands in her water, leading to this line.
      Princess: "There's an animal in my drink!"
    • The shark conversation.
      Admiral: "Oh my! It came from the water, you say? There are sharks in these waters!"
      Princess: "Sharks?"
      Admiral: "Oh yes. Many men have been lost at sea."
      Princess: "Is this a shark?"
      Admiral: "It's difficult to know."
      Princess (excitedly): "A shark! Can I keep it?"
      Admiral: "Yes. No! I don't know."
  • "I Want to Cook"
    • The Princess says that Puss is there to help. The Chef says "What?! Help you cook?!"
    • When the General puts Nessie at the window, the Princess says "No, Nessie, go away! Tell the general he can't see it til it's ready!"
  • "I Don't Like Autumn"
    • The Princess saying that it's hard to be secret when grownups are too big.
    • The Princess painting the leaves green so they stay on, but getting green paint on herself. When she tells the Queen that the leaves are falling off despite being green, the Queen says "You're green, too.".
    • This conversation.
      King: "You can't stop autumn."
      Princess: "Have you tried?"
      King: "No."
      Princess: "How do you know then?"
    • The Princess asking "What's the point of leaves if they're not even on the trees?"
  • "I Want My New Shoes"
    • This conversation.
      Narrator: "What's going on?"
      Princess: "A bad thing."
      Narrator: "Oh dear. What sort of bad thing?"
      Princess (deadly serious): "Shoes!"
      Narrator: "Shoes? Are shoes a bad thing?"
      Princess: "I don't like new ones."
  • "But They're Mine"
    • The Princess calling her parents very naughty for trying to give her too-small clothes away.
  • "I Want My Sledge"
    • The Princess says "I need a carrot." The narrator asks "Are you hungry?" "No," replies the Princess. "For his nose.".
    • The Princess on crashing into the pond: "The pond is in the wrong place."
  • "I Want a Shop"
    • Scruff is given the job of having a sign with an arrow pointing to the shop. He turns around and leads the Admiral the wrong way.
  • "I Want to Be a Pirate"
    • The Princess is dressed as a pirate and shouts "Aharr!". "Aharr to you," replies the narrator.
  • "I Want to Go to the Fair"
  • "I Want a Surprise"
    • This conversation
      Princess: "I can't sleep."
      Maid: "Maybe that's because you're running around the lounge in your nightie."
      Princess: "Nightie nightie!"
    • When the Princess wakes her parents up by saying "It's my birthday!", the Queen mumbles "My truffles?" in her sleep. "Not truffles, birthday!" says the Princess.
  • "I Want a Bicycle"
    • The maid's line "Are you gonna ride that thing or just sit on it?"
    • This conversation
      Queen: "You're not big enough."
      Princess: "But you said 'you're big enough' just yesterday."
      Queen: "I said 'you're big enough to tidy your sock drawer', not 'you're big enough to ride a bicycle'."
  • "I Don't Want to Leave Home"
    • The Flash Back's. One is about the Queen and Princess eating the Chef's jelly (Especially as he says, "Like mother, like daughter!". The other is about the Princess using the King's shoes as submarines and the King getting boat-shaped shoes.
  • "I Want a Best Friend"
    • This.
      Queen: "Why don't you show him round?"
      Princess: "But he's a baby!"
  • "I Don't Want to Kiss Great Auntie"
    • The Admiral saying the Princess is in the navy when she's missing.
    • The Princess Playing Sick: She paints green dots on her face, but backs out when she hears the cure for "warble dots" tastes like sweaty old socks.
  • "I Want a Midnight Feast"
    • The General actually expected Nessie to wake him up.
  • "I Want My Crayons"
    • The King kept falling asleep and that's when the crayons went missing, so the Princess says "You must guard them properly, there's a crayon thief in the house, and no sleeping!"
  • "I Want a Swing"
    • The grownups' attempts at swing building. The King was holding the instructions upside down and the General had no spanner-only a hammer.
  • "I Want to Be an Explorer"
    • The Prime Minister tangoing with a doll.
  • "I Want to Collect"
    • On being asked if she wants to collect stamps, the Princess says no and declares she's going to collect something "exciting" instead.
    • When the gardener sees his flowers have been picked, he says "What? I said don't go away."
  • "I Want to Play Football"
    • The Princess knocks the head off a statue with her ball. Later, they play ball with a ball of wool because "it won't knock any heads off".
  • "I Want to Play in the Rain"
    • This line: "Everybody's silly. Rain's only water."
    • This conversation
      Princess: "What are you doing inside? I thought gardeners liked the rain."
      Gardener: "They do, but I need new wellies. Mine are too small."
      Princess: "That's OK. The rain will make them grow like your flowers."
  • "I Want Baked Beans"
    • The King doing the aeroplane trick on the Princess to try and get her to eat pasta. "I'm too old for that game", declares the Princess. "Show me another game", but then the King eats the lunch himself in attempt to show her how.
  • "I Don't Want to Dance"
    • The King and Queen are waltzing but keep stepping on one another's feet. The Princess says "This dance looks too painful."
    • The Princess describing the tango as being "too hard" and "all backwards".
    • This conversation
      Maid: "Princess?"
      Princess: "She's not here."
      Maid: "Then a talking bush is wearing her tutu."
      Princess: "That's silly."
      Maid: "Not as silly as missing a dance class."
  • "I Want My Sheep"
    • The Admiral shouting "Bah", and Sheepy replying "Baa". The Admiral says, "That's just what I said."
    • Sheepy leaves some wool behind and the Maid says "He should have remembered to take it with him."
  • "I Don't Want to Miss It"
  • "I Want to Do a Show"
    • When the Princess tries to make ice cream with ice and cream.
    • The Maid's juggling ball landing in the Queen's mouth.
  • "Can I Have It Back Now, Please?"
    • The General referring to Nessie as his "num num".
  • "I Don't Like Thunderstorms"
    • When the Princess is storm-counting "one crocodile, two crocodiles", the Admiral thinks there are actual crocodiles.
  • "I Can Keep a Secret"
    • The bed wetting conversation
      General: "Princess?"
      Princes: "Please tell me. I promise I won't tell."
      General: "No, no, no."
      Princess: "All right then, I'll guess."
      (Puss and Scruff look annoyed)
      Princess: "Um, you got me a present?"
      General: "No."
      Princess: "You took a chocolate biscuit."
      General: "No!"
      Princess: "I know! You wet the bed!"
      General (offended): "No!"
      Princess: "When I do, I put a sheet over it."
      General (opens the door and comes to the princess, his hand over his mouth): "I did not wet the bed."
    • The adults' misinterpretations of the Princess's hints to the secret. Namely, the secret is that the General's growing a moustache, but she calls it a "handsome mus-thing" to the Chef, which makes him think it's muscles and she tells the Gardener he's growing something, which makes him think it's a plant.
  • "I Want My Treehouse":
    • The scene with Horace pulling Scruff and Puss along in their basket.
    • When Algie is sitting in the tree, unseen by the Princess, but sneezing, the Princess says, "I think that tree has a cold."
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