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     Loose Canon: Phantom Of The Opera 
  • Lindsay describes Lon Chaney's Phantom from The Phantom of the Opera (1925) as both horrifying yet expressive, "except for the stupid ending."
    Lindsay!Phantom: (raises his hand against an angry mob who reel in fear) "Hey guys, I've got a grenade! It's..." (cheerfully shows his hand is empty while laughing) "...ah, I'm just kidding, haha, hey we have fun here-" (gets swarmed by the mob) "aahhhhhhh..."
  • During the section about the 1937 Chinese adaptation Song at Midnight, she explains that the Phantom's counterpart is named Song Danping, and Christine's counterpart is a guy named Sung who Song wants to sing for his lover.
    Lindsay: So Song teaches Sung to sing. [beat] I swear, I'm not making this up.
  • In the intro to part 2, Lindsay describes the events of a brilliant, not-so-good-looking composer who finds a beautiful singing ingenue and falls in love with her, deciding to teach her and write a masterpiece for her to star in that enthralled her at first but ultimately didn't work out.
    Lindsay: I am talking of course about the tragic, torrid tale... of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Sarah Brightman.
  • Lindsay explains how each stage interpretation of the Phantom varies between performer, describing Hugh Panaro as "Meeheeheeheeheeee I'm evil!", John Owen-Jones as more like a sad puppy, Norm Lewis as a more "dad" affect, and Ramin Karimloo as "He just has a lot of feelings, okay!?"
    • This is made all the more amusing by the end of the video when she states that Karimloo is her favorite Phantom.
  • Lindsay's gleeful description of the ridiculousness of Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge, culminating in describing how Eric doesn't compose (he works out), he doesn't use a Punjab lasso (he roundhouse kicks his enemies), and when Christine wakes up in his lair, he's not playing the organ (he's lifting). She gives the film a modest Slow Clap.
    • Made even better by the fact that she doesn't really get into how Eric/Erik's personality and motivations are different in this version — one gets the distinct sense that she only bothered to include it in her discussion for the sole purpose of sharing the sheer 80s stupidity of the plot with the world.
  • To describe the sheer failure in casting Gerard Butler as the Phantom, she plays back-to-back audio of specific portions as done by Michael Crawford, Ramin Karimloo, then back to Butler. To quote one of the comments, it makes him sound like "he just suddenly realized he should be playing Goku doing his best powerup scream."
  • Her reaction to how Gerard Butler's Phantom looks like under the mask:
    Lindsay: You got stung by a bee, you'll be fine!
  • Lindsay introduces Love Never Dies as such:
    Lindsay: Want to dissuade your kids from majoring in musical theater? Murder that dream in its crib? Love Never Dies. The worst musical I've ever seen. And I've seen Lestat the Musical. Twice.

     Joel Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera: A Video Essay 

     Loose Canon: Queen Elizabeth 

     Loose Canon: Aphrodite 

     Loose Canon: 9/ 11 

     Loose Canon: Mystique 
  • Discussing her dialogue on X-Men: "What an... interesting line read. 'Okay, now say it like you don't know what words mean.'"
  • In describing the relationship between Mystique and Magneto in the X-Men Film Series, she notes how surprisingly non-sexual and platonic it is for her character, which she theorizes is "probably because Magneto is gay. And Charles is gay."
    Charles: What are you doing here?
    Erik: What do you ask questions when you know the answers?
    Lindsay: And they are bitter exes. And Mystique is over here like "My name's Paul, this is between y'all..."
  • Driving home how few shits Jennifer Lawrence seems to be giving in X-Men: Apocalypse by showing an iPhone with "J-Law" calling to recite her lines on the other end.

     Loose Canon: Hillary Clinton 

     Hercules, Disney's Beautiful Hot Mess 
  • The prologue of the video retells John Musker and Ron Clements' 'quest' to make their passion project Treasure Planet through replacing lines of Hercules opening narration and a cute little cartoon.
    • With most of it having George Michael's Careless Whisper playing in the background.
  • Lindsay also suggests a What If? scenario where Hercules honored his bargain with Hades to stay in the underworld in place of Meg, turning the movie's premise into another Beauty and the Beast.
    Lindsay: Goddamn, I'd watch the shit out of that movie.
  • In outlining the difference between the movie's take on a hero and the actual Greek mythological concept of a hero, Lindsay decides that the heroic flaw of all Nineties Disney heroes was... clumsiness. "An entire canon of Bella Swans."

     How Three-Act Screenplays Work (and why it matters) 

     Loose Canon: Jack the Ripper 

     Designing the Other: Aliens on Film 
  • In describing how Christopher Johnson of District 9 is easy to relate to the audience, she cites clear and sympathetic motivations, human-like reasoning and honor, and also the fact he has a baby.
    Lindsay: And not just any baby, a cute baby. A helpful baby! When I first saw this, I genuinely wondered how they were going to humanize any of the alien characters enough to make a mainstream audience sympathize quickly and efficiently, and in hindsight, the answer was all too obvious! Give him a baby.
  • Near the end of the video while describing how certain character designs need to convey information that's appropriate for the story, describing how problematic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial would be if E.T. was a giant antenna slug, or District 9 if Christopher Johnson looked like Thor.

     Loose Canon: Santa Claus 
  • Lindsay has no shits to give for Jack Skellington, "cultural fucking imperialist."
    "Come on, Sally. You can do better. Move out of there, get an Associate's Degree."
    • She also semi-jokingly condemns the "Poor Jack" number as Jack twisting his disastrously-failed plot into a self-empowering personal growth moment.
      Jack: And at least I left them stories I can tell, I did!
      Lindsay: "Actually, when you think about it, the real winner is meeee~!"
  • Lindsay's sheer hatred for Santa's Slay, punctuated by this realization:
    "What bottom-feeder would think that stretching this tired, unclever idea of Evil Santa into feature length was a good—("Produced by Brett Ratner")—oh. Okay, that explains a lot, thank you."
  • The brief aside while discussing Elf and how its Santa verifies the true original Ray's Pizza in New York City.
    Santa: There are like thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th.
    Lindsay: I actually cross-referenced this a long time ago, and... I can't tell the difference between the original Ray's and the other ones. Sorry, New York pizza's actually really overrated! (nervously cowers)
  • On The Polar Express, Lindsay tries to sidestep the infamous Uncanny Valley animation, then collapses in horror at the zoom-out from the Steven Tyler elf.

     RENT - Look Pretty and Do As Little as Possible 
  • After a very sober and serious three-minute outline of the AIDS crisis in the 1980s and the numerous government failings, obstructions and outright callous indifference that allowed the disease to unnecessarily blow up into a pandemic that needlessly ended and destroyed countless lives, there is a certain Black Comedy value in the sudden cut to a shot of Lindsay looking straight into a camera in a rather stunned, pissed, overwhelmed and slightly sheepish fashion that seems to suggest "Welp, this is certainly fine deep hole I've dug for myself here," leading to this line:
    • Just before she gets into the first point of the video, she also pouts a bit when she realizes it's empty.
  • Her saying that watching RENT is waking the "inner walker-wielding granny in me, yelling at these kids to get off my lawn"
    • She yells "get off my lawn" at the characters a few times.
  • Like with every other of her video essays, Lindsay organizes certain topics into individual sections marked off with a title card. Usually they're accompanied with pretty backgrounds and fitting music, but here, we get white text on black backgrounds and crummy kazoo music.
  • Saying that Pulp's song "Common People" was written about Mark
    Lindsay: Aw, look, Mark, someone wrote a song about you.
  • Her constant mention of a weird, poorly composed and out-of-nowhere shot of Roger in a canyon.
    Lindsay: Is he about to try and sell me a really manly truck?
  • Lindsay's timeline to sell the time that passed between RENT's heyday on Broadway and its film adaptation, with such landmarks as Bush getting elected, 9/11, X-2: X-Men United, and that time Madonna made out with Britney Spears at the VMAs.
  • Near the end of the essay, she introduces the section titled "What Machine Are We Raging Against Again?" by drawing comparisons between RENT and "Threw it On the Ground."
  • At one point, Lindsay discusses the recurring theme of stage musicals being "We Have Been Left Behind By The System" and lists off examples by decade. It raises a good point but ends humorously:
    Lindsay: The 1960s had Hair, the 70s Jesus Christ Superstar, the 80s had Les Mis, the 90s had RENT, the 2000s...wanted to have Spring Awakening but really they had Avenue Q...

Alternative Title(s): The Nostalgia Chick 2016 Episodes


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