"Elton, just calm down." "FUCK YOU!"
- Michael Gambon's Precision F-Strike right before he gets blown up (with a cut away blocking the "fuck" part)
- After they both discover the ruins of their headquarters, Merlin tells Eggsy not to get emotional over his fallen comrades. Moments later when they find the "Doomsday Protocol" bottle of whiskey and finish it, the two are both drunk with Merlin weeping and Eggsy slurring comforting words to him.
- The fact that when we first see it, Merlin, Eggsy and the audience automatically assume that the Doomsday Protocol is for you to drown your sorrows over the loss of your fellow agents.
- The two toast to their fallen agents. After a sip, they realize how tasty the whiskey is and proceed to toast everybody they know who died in the attack.
Eggsy: Should we do one for JB?
Merlin: I think we should.
- Merlin crying his heart out is especially hilarious since, just a few minutes ago, he was telling an understandably and equally emotional Eggsy to get a grip. Then:
Eggsy: I... think we've probably had enough, to be honest.
- Poppy's robot dogs are programmed to view Elton John as a friend instead of a target. That changes when he pisses Poppy off near the end and she orders them to kill him.
Elton: Fuck you, Poppy!
Poppy: Fuck you, Elton.
- The revived Harry (who is now half blind) tries to replicate his successful bar fight against some homophobic rednecks. Unfortunately, his coordination is off due to his lack of depth-perception, and it doesn't go exactly as planned. Then when Whiskey takes over and gives us what is essentially the American version of that fight, Merlin, Harry, and Eggsy are sitting down and calmly telling Harry about his disabilities...all the while rednecks are being flung around in the background.
- Said-lack causes Harry to fumble again on a later mission when he tries to shoot a security guard with a sleeping dart from his wrist watch, only to miss entirely a few feet next to his head. He then resorts to just braining the guy with a fire extinguisher.
- Tequila suffering the side effects of Poppy's drugs gives us the beautiful image of Channing Tatum dancing around wearing only a cowboy hat and jumpsuit.
- After almost getting crushed by a runaway cable car, an old man states "That is the first decent shit I've had in three weeks".
- Not to mention the visuals. The shape of the cable car makes it look like the world's largest curling stone, coming to a stop just outside the house. Speaking of visuals the other old man is the spitting image of Valentine.
- After Harry and Elton John destroy Poppy's robot dogs.
Harry: If I save the world, could I get two tickets to your next show?
If you save the world, you can have a backstage pass. (blows Harry a kiss
- A priceless moment comes just as one robot dog is about to go in for the kill...only to be halted by Elton John jumping in front of Harry wearing a massive grin on his face as Rocket Man plays in the background.
- Harry screaming "HEEL!" at the dogs as they chase him.
- After Elton John is cured, he immediately tells his minder to fuck off and leave his room. This is all in the background of Poppy's monologue.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, YOU FUCKING BITCH?"
- And later Elton John taking out two of Poppy's goons on his own, including taking one out with a flying kick while wearing platform shoes.
- Not to mention that He's wearing this outrageous outfit made of rainbow feathers, complete with headpiece.
- The Fridge Humor on Eltons Pre Ass Kicking One Liner before beating up Poppys Mooks is quite priceless.
"Fuck off, or Ill fuck you up!"
- When Eggsy talks about how he has to get to a very important dinner immediately, Merlin points out that the only exit besides going back through the pond where the cops are is the sewers and cheekily asks how important the dinner is. Eggsy responds "I'll tell you how important it is." right before jumping into the sewers. Doubles as a Heartwarming Moment given that said important dinner is his friend's birthday.
- Eggsy is having dinner with the King and Queen of Sweden (aka Tilde's parents) and the King is engaging in a fancy form of Twerp Sweating, asking Eggsy endless intellectual questions which he answers with aplomb. Then we see that it's actually Roxy feeding him information through their Kingsman-issued glasses.
- When Eggsy's friend Brandon accidentally finds his spy gear and arms one of his bombs, Eggsy starts yelling over the transmitter to "Put it the fuck down!" All while looking at his girlfriend's father, the King of Sweden, who's clearly baffled why Eggsy wants him to drop his tea cup.
- He is also yelling, "Shut it! Shut it!,' trying to get his buddy to disarm the lighter bomb. It looks like he's telling Tilde's dad to "shut up."
- Eggsy's sitting in a Kentucky bar when the bartender hands him a glass of whiskey.
Eggsy: This isn't a martini.
Bartender: It is in Kentucky.
Eggsy: Fair enough.
- In a last ditch attempt to revive Harry's memory, Eggsy buys him a dog that is Mr. Pickle's breed. He gives it to Harry as a going away present and watches with a smile as Harry plays with the puppy...Then Eggsy pulls out a gun and points it at the dog.
- And it takes a few seconds for Harry to notice because the gun is in the line of sight of his missing eye.
- And when he does, he damn near drops the dog.
- Almost every scene with the POTUS is hilarious in a Black Comedy way. Once it's revealed how much of an asshole he is, he jumps straight into Laughably Evil. Special highlight must be the dismissive gesture he does to general McCoy, ordering him to take Fox away once it's revealed she has the virus too. That he might or might not be an intended Take That! only adds to the hilarity.
- On that note, the implication that you need to literally be on drugs to cope with being this guy's Chief of Staff is pure Black Comedy.
- Angel's entire Black Comedy initiation into the Golden Circle: Poppy Adams politely asks him to dispose of another member who failed her by shoving him into a running meat grinder. Then, after Angel's "make-over", Poppy happily serves him a hamburger made from said ground-up henchman's meat. After some initial hesitation, Angel takes a large bite, and with tears in his eyes declares that it's delicious.
- Eggsy and Whiskey, while escaping from the mountain facility in Italy, are in a cable-car riding down to the bottom. Charlie traps them inside, then proceeds to override the controls for the car and sends it spinning around like a top. Apart from Eggsy and Whiskey basically being thrown against the walls by the centrifugal force, Charlie is actually giggling as he makes the car spin faster.
- While investigating the Statesmen distillery, Merlin's gadgets discover an underground base beneath them, and calculates that a nearby barrel is the most likely entrance. He picks up an axe and swings into the barrel, only to result in a small geyser of whiskey pouring out onto the floor. When Tequila walks in on them, Merlin casually leans against the barrel, stopping the leak with his hand as they try to talk their way out of the situation.
- And then one perfectly aimed tobacco spit from Tequila seals the hole again before he mops the floor with them.
- Eggsy and Merlin get captured by Tequila and are being interrogated about who they are and where they came from. Tequila starts pouring high-proof whiskey on them, with the threat that they will be burned alive if they don't tell him the truth. Suddenly a heavy dose of Misplaced Nationalism plows into the discussion as Merlin goes on an angry rant about how Whisky is spelled with no E, and is made in Scotland, so Tequila can go fuck himself. Eggsy politely admits that he likes a good Jack and Coke (a drink made with Jack Daniel's whiskey and Coca-Cola), but tells Tequila to go fuck himself all the same.
- Eggsy does a Brief Accent Imitation of Merlin saying "Fucking Spectacular!" during a Kingsman meeting. He is met by a room full of disapproving stares, even from Roxy and Merlin.
- During the Bar Brawl, one of the guys gets a hold of Harry's umbrella and pops it open, pinning him against the bar. We get the view from inside the umbrella as Harry's face is repeatedly smushed with every hit he takes.
- Charlie walks into the theater, removing a helmet and a heavy protective vest. Poppy asks him to stop wearing that, and he flatly refuses to until she removes the minefield outside her compound. It's just about the only example of her telling an employee to do something and not having them go along out of fear of reprisal.
- At least for audience members who already suspected or didn't particularly like the character, Harry abruptly shooting Whiskey in the head was hilarious. Especially since Eggsy completely freaks out, while Harry is totally deadpan about it.
- During the "formal occasion," Champ admonishes Tequila about not wearing a suit and off-handedly asks the Kingsman to help him out. In the ending scene, Tequila steps out of a London cab, wearing a Saville Row suit, bowler hat, and cowboy boots.