Funny / Kingdom of Heaven

• Balian and Saladin at the end.
  Balian: What is Jerusalem worth?
  Saladin: Nothing...[grinning] Everything.
• Reynauld de Chatillon may be a complete Smug Snake Jerkass, but his deliciously hammy performance is hilarious.
  • Exemplified in the Director's Cut. After his arrest he's seen pacing in his cell just shouting his name, amusing himself with the echo... and pissing the guard off enough that he shuts the door, and only slightly muffles the endless shouting.
• Godfrey justifying sparring with the wounded Balian.
  Hospitaller: His hand is wounded.
  Godfrey: I once fought two days with an arrow in my testicle.
  Hospitaller: [nodding] Ah, yes.
• While Balian is preparing to offer terms to Saladin after the battle the Bishop has some choice advice.
  Bishop: Convert to Islam... repent later!
  Balian: You've taught me a lot about religion, your Eminence.
• When Godfrey and Guy de Lusignan meet on the road to Messina, they have this exchange of insults:
  Guy de Lusignan: Would I have fought you while you were still capable of making bastards.
  Godfrey: I knew your mother while she was making hers. Fortunately, you're too old to be one of mine.
• After Balian is recognized as the Baron of Ibelin, he's taken to a noble mansion where he gets his first experience of bathing in front of a group of giggling chambermaids and is quite against stepping out of the tub unless he has a towel around his waist first, which his servant is quite insistent on handing to him as he steps out.

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