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Funny / King Crimson

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  • A lot of the songs on Lizard.
    • "Cirkus" has "'Worship!' cried the clown, 'I am a TV' ... bareback ladies have fish."
    • "Indoor Games" has "Each afternoon you train baboons to sing"
    • In "Happy Family", just about every lyric cracks me up.
    • From the title track, "Bolero: The Peacock's Tale" - After a Sweet Dreams Fuel laden intro, the band proceeds to reprise the previous section, the moody "Prince Rupert Awakes", as a Rat Pack-styled swing.
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  • "Happy with What You Have to Be Happy With", oh god...
  • The lyrics to "Neurotica", which is a bit like the classic Monty Python's Flying Circus skit "Mr. Smoke-Too-Much" on a crate of Red Bull:
  • "Indiscipline" has in its spoken-word narration "I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress, I repeat myself when under stress..."
    • Some live versions of this song during the 90's formation become this when Belew narrates the lyrics in different ways or when Bruford plays random noises during the silence.
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    • And then there's The New '10s' Crimson's take on the song, where Jakko Jakszyk and Tony Levin sing the lyrics like a lounge jazz number; the 2017 Live in Chicago album captures Jakko capping it off with a pleasantly melodic "Me gusta!"
  • Back in the 1970s, some of Robert Fripp's onstage announcements (as documented on live albums like The Night Watch and The Great Deceiver) are extremely dry, the more so because of his mild-mannered West Country voice. An example, from a June 1974 concert at Penn State:
    Fripp: [to audience] This is in, er, this is in response to a request from the band, that I creep to the front, in my usual sensuous fashion, and win you over to the band's cause by a few well-chosen and personable words. [Beat, deadpan] Hello. [Beat, audience applauds] Is there life out there? At a moment like this, ladies and gentlemen, I'm completely overwhelmed by the sense of occasion, in fact, "feeble-witted" would be a more potent description, so all I can do is fall back upon...may I say, a classic and historic announcement from the past. This doesn't, regrettably, belong to me, but a now legendary band in England, the famous Elmer Gantry's Velvet Opera, and the, the announcement, which took place at the Marquee, was something like this. [Pause, stridently] "Right! Hands up those who like it, those who don't, fuck off, me eyes feel like piss-holes in the snow, this is the last one tonight, this is called 'Seeds of Space Fly By My Face'." [laughter and applause] I think you'll be prepared to admit that in the face of a message quite as devastatingly cosmic as that, anything I could muster forth would only pall by comparison. [audience member shouts "Rodney Toady!"] Nooo, not "Rodney".note  This, however, is... [audience member is still heckling] A moment, a moment's silence, sir, thank you, thank your for your encouragement, but control is needed. This is an improvised piece of music, which is completely out of the top of our heads. Your enthusiasm is encouraged.
    • Fripp doesn't talk to the audience at gigs any more, but his liner notes to the many CD reissues of KC albums still bear the characteristically Frippian note of humble reverence for music itself coupled with sarcastic amusement at the messy business of music-making:
      Tuning a mellotron doesn't.
      To any lighting engineer who swears that their rig can't and won't affect the live sound in any way, bite your thumb and shout "A fig of Spain!"
      [Of a persistently hostile Torontonian rock writer] Better he vent his ire on me than in poking small animals.
  • Robert Fripp's reaction to a stressed-out Adrian Belew kicking him out of a studio during the Beat sessions: "so much for me being the leader of King Crimson."
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  • "Elephant Talk" contains some of the funniest lyrics ever written. It also helps that Adrian Belew sounds like David Byrne from Talking Heads.
  • One wouldn't think King Crimson capable of managing one, but the Three of a Perfect Pair bonus track "The King Crimson Barber Shop" proves otherwise.
  • Adrian Belew recounted an incident on his blog about his first tour with the band: While they were dressing for the show, Robert Fripp made faces at Belew and flashed him his genitals.
  • The Happy with What You Have to Be Happy With EP includes a bonus track at the end of the album which features almost 4 minutes of (sometimes ridiculous) improvisations, and a lot of random banter between the group.
  • As recorded on one of the Collector's Club releases, possibly during a Proje Kct performance, a bra was tossed on the stage. After the next song was over, Fripp walked over and picked it up. He acknowledged how rare and significant this was (a nod to the notoriously sausage-filled nature of prog audiences), and proceeded to raffle off said item with an impromptu KC trivia competition.

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