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Funny / Key & Peele

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"I said biiiiiitch!"
  • The sketch where an African warlord asks one of his mooks to Mercy Kill him so he doesn't have to surrender to the enemy, who will torture him for weeks. The mook repeatedly screws up; first he stabs the warlord, without killing him. Then instead of shooting him in the head, he shoots him in the knee. Then when he actually is about to shoot him in the head, he runs out of bullets. Then he resorts to just hitting him over the head with the pistol. Then the warlord finally just tells him to grab some more bullets, only for the mook to throw a steel cooking pot at him. After some more convincing, he goes off to find more bullets....
    Mook: I did not find the bullets.
    Warlord: What!?
    Mook: But I did find something better: boiling hot water.
    Warlord: What are you going to do wi—
    Mook: (pours the boiling water on the warlord's crotch)
    Warlord: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (runs out of the room and towards the fighting) I SURRENDER! I AM THE GENERAL—
    Mook: (horrified) Commander! Don't go! They'll torture you!
  • The Obama sketches with his anger translator, Luther.
    • The man himself has given these sketches his stamp of approval, even referencing them on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.
    • White House Correspondents Dinner, April 24 2015. Obama invites Luther on-stage. Damn...
      • This bit:
        Obama: No—no. No, we're not.
        Luther: We're not?
        Obama: No.
        Luther: WHO THE HELL SAID THAT?!
      • And then Obama gets so worked up about climate change that Luther has to calm him down before he flees the stage to avoid Barry's wrath.
    • Obama and Luther crossing paths with Hillary Clinton and her Anger Translator Savannah. "Damn, some peoples is just too angry," Luther muses afterward...
    • Culminating in the "Farewell Address" video:
      • Towards the end, Luther books the Obama family a four-year hotel stay for five in Sweden. When Obama asks why five, he hastily claims it's for the dog Bo — and then whispers "Make it six..."
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    • Obama sits down with Republican leaders to hash out an agenda. Republicans, being openly obstructionist, say "we're going to disagree" right off the bat. So Obama pulls the "Do the opposite" gag on them, tricking the Republicans into agreeing to an ambitious liberal agenda. And the Republicans had gotten themselves so hard-wired to oppose everything Obama stands for that they, much to their own horror, realize that they simply can't stop themselves, one of them going so far as to cut his own tongue out in a futile attempt.
      Obama: (gloating like a Magnificent Bastard) Nobody better toss me a cigarette. (catches one in his hand and puts to his lips; then turns to look at the camera) Ain't I a stinker? (he gives the camera a shit-eating grin, iris out)
  • The East Coast/West Coast College Bowl sketch, featuring Key and Peele (and a token white guy) as a group of bizarrely named players except for the token white guy just named Dan Smith. And some of which don't even go to college — one of them, Torque [Construction Noise] Lewith (the middle part is pronounced by the sounds of a jackhammer) is from Nevada State Penitentiary, a state prison.
    • Another is just named Eeee Eeeee and is pronounced by a long dolphin-like squeak.
  • The entire skit with the inner-city substitute teacher (played by Key) who keeps mispronouncing his students' names, such as calling Jacqueline Jay-quel-lin and Blake Ba-la-kay, only to think they're messing with him when they try to correct him. With each polite correction, he just gets angrier and angrier culminating in...
    Teacher: A.A. Ron! Where are you? Where is A.A. Ron right now? ...No A.A. Ron? Well, you either be sick, dead, or mute, A.A. Ron!
    Aaron: ...Uh, here.
    Teacher: (beat) Well, why didn't you say it the first time I asked?!
    Aaron: Wha-
    Teacher: You know, I'm just asking y- I said it, like, four times! So, why didn't you say it the first time I said A.A. Ron?!
    Aaron: ...Because it's pronounced "Aaron"?
    Teacher: SON OF A BITCH! (turns and around and swipes everything off his desk) YOU DONE MESSED UP, A.A. RON! Now, take your ass on down to O'Shag Henessy's office right now and tell him what you did!
    Aaron: Who?
    Teacher: O'Shag Henessy!
    Aaron: ...Principal O'Shaughnessy?
    Teacher: Get out of my goddamned classroom before I break my foot off in your ass!
    • And then the punchline where the only kid he got the name right (Timothy, said as Tim-oh-thay) is a black kid (played by Peele) that was out of view until the last second.
      Timothy: Pree-sant.
      Teacher: Thank you!
    • Part 2 is pretty freakin' hilarious as well with the same teacher and students but instead of names, they argue over whether or not school clubs exist at the school. Must be seen to be fully appreciated.
    • This is taken Up to Eleven when the principal makes an announcement for all club members to come get their yearbook pictures taken, only for the teacher to say it's a fake announcement, with several of the students having absolutely mutinous looks on their faces.
      Teacher: Now does anybody in here have a VALID reason for leaving this classroom?
      (one student raises his hand)
      Teacher: Timothy?
      Teacher: You're excused.
  • Flicker: Basically what would happen if Christopher Nolan and Michael McCann decided to make an episode of The Office.
  • "I said… (looks around for the wife) 'biiiiiiiiitch...'" They continue to do this even while they're floating in space. What's more, the series ends with their wives openly bragging about calling their husbands "bitch" without any concern that their husbands are right there hearing them.
  • East-West College Bowl 2.
    • The cherry on top is the Token White player. A.A. Ron Balakey.
    • The player Harvard University... from DeVry University. He even seems embarrassed saying it.
    • God is homeschooled.
    • Another player is named Wing Dings. And his name is written in Wing Dings. He also didn't go to any college, instead taking online classes.
    • Yet another has his face censored and his voice filtered out. His name? "Firstname Lastname" and he went to "College University."
    • The ribbon-clad player known only as "Squeeeeeeeeeeps."
    • The capper is one player who went to Oxford University (an institution in the United Kingdom, not the States) named Benedict Cumberbatch. His name was just that weird enough in real life to qualify for an East West Bowl name.
    • The East-West Pro Bowl went even further than its predecessors by having real NFL players with odd names (like D'Brickashaw Ferguson, who inspired the sketch in the first place, as well as Leger Douzable and Frostee Rucker) interspersed with Key and Peele in various guises. It's capped off with Aaron Rodgers... who reads his name as "A.A. Ron Rod-Gers".
    • "East/West Bowl Rap Showdown" is a sight to behold, with a pair of rap videos ostensibly made for each team's fans featuring, respectively, a catchy East Coast rap-style beat with plenty of Stylistic Suck and goofy writing befitting a rap song made by a bunch of college kids training in sports rather than acting or editing... and a groovy West Coast-style beat with smoother production and delivery... that quickly descends into chaos with how goddamn weird in particular the West team's names are, culminating in Dan Smith busting into an Eminem-esque flow.
    The Player Formerly Known As Mousecop: The player...
    T.J. A.J. R.J. Backslashinsforth V: T.J.! A.J.!
    The Player Formerly Known As Mousecop: ...formerly known...
    Torque [Construction Noise] Lewith: [Construction noise.] LEWITH!
    The Player Formerly Known As Mousecop: Mousecop.
    Donkey Teeth: And Donkey Teeth!
  • The skit with the man who is mistaken for a terrorist and being tortured by a government agent. The whole thing is just gold.
    Terrorist: Terrier-ist! The phone call said terrier-ist! Me and my friends, we.. we breed dogs, and we write fiction! We discuss terrier-ist plots-
    (interrogator punches him in the stomach)
    Agent: Cut the shit Rashid!
    • And then at the end, it's revealed he really WAS a terrorist... and also a terrier-ist. The White House gets attacked by a bunch of small dogs.
  • Superman bed. Starts at 2:06
  • The fake Mr. T Public Service Announcement.
  • The Power Falcons sketch: it starts off as a Power Rangers parody, until they start calling Peele's character "Black Falcon". He's not the Black Falcon.
  • The rap battle with Barack Obama:
    Obama: (gets out of his limo) I'm the leader of the free world.
    (Mic Drop, exit Obama in his limo)
  • The sketch with the nervous boyfriend/husband looking at internet porn.
  • Some of the intro bits deserve some credit too.
  • "Aerobics Meltdown" a parody of the 'Crystal Light Aerobics Championship' videos from the 80s on YouTube.
  • Cat Poster. Jordan Peele's smarmy voice makes Carter Finley's idiotic attempts to be sneaky even more hilarious. "Hong...Inthar?"
    Finley: His name was... Baldy Tallman... Coffee... Coop.
    Detective: [Drinking from a coffee cup.] Now you're just talking about me! I'll give you one last chance, Finley... who... is in charge?
    Finley: [Still straight-faced.] His name was... Angry Man. The warehouse is located in the Diploma... for Being a Detective.
  • The Al-Qaeda Terrorist Meeting(Warning: NSFW language). All of it.
  • The Game Of Thrones recap. Which pretty much summarizes the series up to Season Four before the two answer the Call of the Blue.
  • Key and Peele taking the pre-game pump-up a little too serious. With each escalation more violent until we're into Kill Bill territory.
    Peele: (driving away from the explosion, sips tea in victory) Play this game... like it's the last game of your lives...
  • In this sketch Key, Peele, and several other black people form a flash mob dance to music that sounds very much like Thriller when this happens:
    • Followed by chaos everywhere, as the flash mob look around confused.
  • Dicknanigans. Warning: May elicit winces from those either involved with performance art or with dicks.
  • Harriet Tubman tries to lead some escaped slaves to freedom on the underground railroad. Unfortunately for them, Harriet is the world's first "free runner" aka, a hardcore parkour enthusiast.
    Escaped Slave: Where the hell is she now?
    (Harriet dives through a closed window then gets up like nothing happened)
    Harriet Tubman: That was the easy part. Now stay close. This next five hundred miles gets a little sticky.
  • The Retired Military Specialist sketch is a masterclass in how to subvert a cliche and simultaneously stretch a joke as far as humanly possible while still remaining utterly hilarious.
  • The "Les Mis" sketch, the moment when Key as Legataux sings "Now, where did this bitch come from?" is particularly funny in the context of the dark, serious material surrounding it.
  • Key as an unstable Macedonian cafe owner in this sketch.
  • Wendell's "Power of Wings" video shows where his budget went. The captive princess (who is on camera for like 10 seconds) cost him eight grand to cast. Worse, she appears to be just a common theater arts student.
    • Could count as a bit of Fridge Brilliance. Wendell has little, if any, contact with women of any kind, so he'd be completely unaware this amateur actress was outrageously overcharging. Notice that the male guitarist was a much more reasonable $450.
  • Hingle McCringleberry's outrageous Serial Escalation of his touchdown celebrations. Culminating in him inflating and frolicking in a Bounce Castle in the end zone.
  • "Post Apocalyptic Hunt:" the hero quests to find another human survivor in the wasteland, and final does... who turns out to be a hyperactive, childish, and annoying lunatic. He wordlessly offs him and then continues his search as if this encounter never happened.
  • The one where Key and Peele are chained up in the SAW bathroom. And the clown holding them is driven insane by the fact they are always so positive, and nothing he does can get a reaction from them.
    Monster Clown: YOU'RE MAKING ME CRAZY!!
  • The Roommate Meeting sketch. Where they are completely blind to an obvious haunting. And then it turns out, they knew the ghost was there the whole time. But appearently Ping has the best grades in the house.
  • Key's racist country song, and Key being naive to it until the very end of the skit.
  • This exchange from one of Andre and Meegan's fights.
    Meegan: You are literally an asshole!
    Andre: I can't be an asshole! I got arms, legs, and a head!
  • The Too Dumb to Live security guard who willingly breaks out a criminal, by loudly shouting it out, and pulling the alarm after the prisoner makes a sarcastic snark about doing so.
  • Basically everything about the pizza delivery skit. And Wendell (played by Peele) Crossing the Line Twice, by faking Clara's death, rather than revealing she was never real. And Carlos (played by Key)'s Large Ham version of the Big "NO!".
  • The "Weird Playlist" sketch. Key and Peele, as themselves, are out for a drive together at night and decide to put on some music. Once they put on Peele's playlist, however, the first thing that shuffles on is an audio diary, and due to curiosity, Key insists that they don't skip it. The content starts out just kinda quirky at first... and then goes increasingly off the rails all while maintaining a delivery in a serious deadpan.
    Peele's Diary: I have committed myself to understanding what a woman feels like when she is penetrated. I want to fulfill this commitment, but the matchstick won't fit in my penis.
    Key: [Stunned Silence.]
    Peele: ...It's... um. It's too square.
    Key: "Too square"?! How about — never mind.
    Peele: ...My penis.
    Key: [Impatient.] I understand.
    Peele: ...It's too square.
    Key: I understawhat?!
  • The fight between Reginald VelJohnson and the producer in the "Family Matters" skit peaks with -
    • Earlier in the sketch, Reginald lists off the increasingly outlandish plots that "Urkelmania" has inspired. Among the ones we hear are Steve turning Carl into a giant sandwich and eating him, Steve changing Carl into a race car, and future episodes which will entail the entire family save Carl being teleported to another dimension, and Carl himself being changed into a Steve Urkel clone. VelJohnson sums it up: "That's TWO Steve Urkels and NO FAMILY on a SHOW CALLED FAMILY MATTERS!" What makes it even better is that the late season plots of Family Matters really did get that nuts ("Bruce Juice," anyone?).
  • Carlito (Peele)'s lame efforts in "Crazy Gangsters" to prove that he is the most 'loco' member of the gang, and Key's in-universe explanations as to why his behaviour isn't loco:
    Peele: But check this out. I got nine punch cards from Fro-Yo Universe, each with one stamp in it. Every time I get a Fro-Yo, I get a new card.
    Key: Carlito, that's just being cavalier with your finances instead of collecting your free dessert. That's not loco, that's just like...financially irresponsible.
  • The "These Fake Beards Will Save an African Child’s Life" sketch, which is about a charity stopping African children from being forcefully conscripted into becoming Child Soldiers giving them fake beards. They even get the kids to do stereotypical elderly things, like playing shuffleboard. The crazy thing is, it actually works.
    • The icing on the cake is that the warlord actually does suspect something is up and tugs at the beard of one of the Africans...but the guy he's suspecting is the one with an actual beard.
  • The "Boarding A Plane Shouldn't Be This Hard" sketch, in which a man in Boarding Group 1 has to wait behind first class, business class, military personnel, people with babies, religious leaders, people in wheelchairs, old people in wheelchairs with babies, religious leaders with military babies, people with blue suitcases (which the man tries to invoke but he's told he has a blue computer bag), and drunk people.
  • The "Kobe Beef Burger" sketch, in which a man brings Kobe burgers to a BBQ, and begins obsessing on how to cook and serve the patties. And then he heimlichs the host for taking a bite out of one, eats the small piece, and says none of them are worthy of eating his Kobe burgers. Oh, and he steals the host's dog too.