- From the Way Hey, it's Saturday episode: For once the contest is hosted not by Jerkass Mike Flex, but by the slightly more generous Mike Channel, who is determined that this time someone is going to win the contest. Unfortunately the three children competing are not the sharpest knives in the drawer and miss the questions even with the unbelievable amount of help Mike gives them:Mike: So, Kathy, it's all up to you. What did John Logie Baird invent? And I'll give you a clue: You've got one in your house.
Kathy: Er... Shower attatchment!
Mike: Not shower attatchment.
Mike: Not soap.
Kathy: Towel rail!
Mike: Not towel rail — get out of the bathroom!
Kathy: Bath mat.
Mike: No, ruh — right out, get right out of the bathroom and think a bit!
Kathy: A loo brush!
Mike: ... no, no —
Kathy: Toilet paper!
Mike: Come out of the toilet, get on the landing!
Mike: No... now head downstairs!
Kathy: Stair rail!
Mike: No, no, no, all the way down...
Kathy: Ha — hall light?
Mike: No, no, keep going downstairs.
Kathy: Loo brush!
Mike: Wha — now you're back in the toilet again!
Kathy: We've got a downstairs toilet.
Mike: Come out of the downstairs toilet, and get into the sitting room.
Mike: No, no, no, move further into the room.
Mike: No, further!
Kathy: A... porcelain horse?
Mike: Not a porcelain horse!
Kathy: Aaaaaaa... fun fur cushion!
Mike: Not a fun fur cushion! It's in the corner of the room, you watch it every evening!
Kathy: Oooh — a loo brush!
Mike: (speechless for about five seconds, then:) What's a loo brush doing in the corner of your living room?!
Kathy: I brought it with me.
Mike: (through clenched teeth) Something else in the corner of your living room, it has moving pictures; four different channels!
Kathy: ...fish tank!
Mike: Not a fish tank! So help me God, you're gonna get this, Kathy, even if it takes all night! It's got BBC and ITV, and on it you can see sport, comedy, news, plays, films, Top of the Pops, Doctor Who and Postman Pat! Now, what the hell is it?!
Kathy: Errr... Toaster!
Mike: It's a bloody television, for God's sake, you imbecilic —
Kathy: We don't have a television!
- From the Bio Show episode, when going through the life of Sir John Leslie, Anna Daptor speaks to General Charles Hamstead to find out what Sir John was like as a soldier:General: Sir John was not a cowardly man. Let me make that quite clear.
Anna: Was he a good soldier, then?
General: Sir John was not a good soldier. That's something that ought to be clarified immediately.
Anna: Was he a bad soldier, then?
General: Sir John was not a bad soldier. I should like to make that absolutely plain.
Anna: I see. Er, was he an asset to your regiment, then?
General: Sir John was in no way an asset to my regiment. I should like to make that even clearer than the fact that he was not a bad soldier.
Anna: ...was he in your regiment, in fact?
General: Sir John was not in any sense in my regiment. It's absolutely imperative that that is made even clearer than the other facts that I have previously made clear.
Anna: Did you, then, ever meet Sir John?
General: I have never, ever met anyone by the name "Sir John." Of all the facts I have endeavored to elucidate in the course of this conversation, that above all must be the one for which most effort is made in the attempt to render it clear.
Funny / KYTV