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Funny / Just an Unorthodox Thief

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  • Archer's reaction to the result of the failed Uriah Gambit on Assassin.
    "You are unworthy of such a privilege, let alone beholding my face, dog." Archer repeated as the smoke cleared, expecting to see the mangled corpse of the lower Servant…
    ...Only to find his treasures gone, and sitting on the ruined portion of the roof where the mongrel's body should have been was a puppet made out of paper with a cartoonish face sticking its tongue out. As if to mock him! Oh yes, now the dog would die slowly. He would pay dearly for…
    His treasures were gone, and he did not feel them return to his vault…
    ...Did the dog actually…?
    "...You…" Archer growled with barely restrained fury. His eyes snapped open, red and clouded with rage as he shouted, "MMMMMOOOONNNNGGGGRRRREEELLLL !" The golden portals now appeared in the hundreds in the air behind him before numerous weapons rained down on the courtyard and surrounding forest. "YOU DAMN MONGREL! HOW DARE YOU!? YOU DARE TO STEAL FROM A KING!?" Spittle flew from his mouth as the weapons kept rending the earth, destroying stone, trees, and even the forest itself. "Stealing from a king is the greatest of sins! Stealing from ME is the cause for greatest of punishments! A slow death is too good for a worm like you! My treasures with rend your body, but they will not kill you! No, that will be my pleasure and mine alone! Once I locate your bleeding carcass I will inflict such tortures upon you, you shall be begging for death! Your agony will be legendary, your descendants will know my wrath, and their children will suffer for your sins! I will…"
    So lost in his rage, Archer only focused his attack on the courtyard and did not notice Assassin calmly walking away on the road in front of the Tohsaka Manor, lugging with him an armful of weapons of various shapes and sizes and made with precious metals and decorated in priceless jewels.
    The very same weapons that Archer intended to kill him with in his first attack.
    "Wow, looks like someone has a temper!" Assassin whistled out as Archer continued to strike at the ground spouting off various death threats and tortures. "Maybe I should recommend the guy for counseling or somethin'…" Assassin muttered with a satisfied grin on his face before walking down the street.
    • Doubles as a Brick Joke due the fanfic's description on Fanfiction.Net:
    Kotomine Kirei is a troubled man that only participated in the Holy Grail War to serve Tohsaka Tokiomi and meet Emiya Kiritsugu. In order to do both, he attempted to summon Hassan-I-Sabbah as the Servant Assassin. The Grail heard his plea and instead gave Kirei a rather... unorthodox thief. Gilgamesh better keep his Gate of Babylon locked at night...
  • Assassin using an RPG to launch a special glue grenade at Archer, blinding him. When he does get it off, Archer also tears off both his eyelashes and eyebrows!
  • Assassin pays Zenigata a late night visit with info on Sakura, and he finds himself cuffed almost instantly. Zenigata's so Crazy-Prepared he keeps a pair of handcuffs under his pillow!
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  • You have to admit there's something funny in torching Caster's Noble Phantasm with a flamethrower designed by a fake mage...
  • Assassin being arrogant enough to call Risei from what is most probably a strip club after killing Archer and forcing Risei to completely rely on Kirei.
  • Taiga showing Jigen what happens when someone calls her Tiger.
  • The Russian Mafia members constantly saying 'bro' in every sentence, which is a Shout-Out to Hawkeye's Tracksuit Draculas, who do the same thing.
  • Pycal making several villainous monologues, which both Assassin and Kirei use as an opportunity to kill him.
  • Pycal realizing that Zenigata has no idea who he is, and both Assassin and Zenigata bickering instead of talking to him.
    • Made even better when Assassin faces Saber, he employs one of Pycal's tricks... and has already forgotten his name.
    Assassin: Got the trick from Pe… Penelope? Was it? Or maybe… Persephone? Pretty sure it starts with a P… Potato? Poh-tato? Pineapple? I guess it doesn't matter.
  • When Assassin and Saber's fight takes to the Emiya Household, Saber finds herself in Kiritsugu's armory and hiding from Assassin's special bullets ( the same ones that killed Archer). Saber manages to find a weapon to fight back just before Assassin bursts in. What weapon causes Lupin to flinch and stop his monologue? A minigun.
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  • Goemon and Jigen's reaction to Lupin finally sleeping with Fujiko.

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