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"When you gotta go, you gotta go."

This page is for funny moments in the first Jurassic Park film specifically. For funny moments in the franchise as a whole, see here.

WARNING: Spoilers are unmarked.


  • Grant bursts into his trailer on the dig-site... to be met with Hammond bent over, ass in the air, rummaging through his fridge with a bad VPL. And he doesn't seem to care his presence is totally unexpected to Grant and Ellie, popping open a bottle of champagne at a startled Alan;
    Alan: We were saving that!
    Hammond: [gleefully] For today, I guarantee it!
    • Grant is still angry and walks up, pointing his finger and asking who the hell he is and what he's doing here. Hammond cheerfully grabs Grant's finger and treats it like an ordinary handshake as he introduces himself, then takes a moment to blow a visible amount of dust off his palm as Grant realizes who he's talking to. (It's quickly established that he and Sattler do know Hammond, but have never met him before.)
      • Furthermore, a still-angry Sattler bursts in demanding, "Okay, who's the jerk?!" Grant tells her who Hammond is and she gets a sheepish look on her face as she learns that she just insulted the guy paying for the dig, "Did I say 'jerk'?" Hammond takes it all in stride, though.
    • That Hammond also manages to bribe the disinterested and busy pair in coming along to evaluate the park by offering to fund their dig for three more years.
  • Ellie making a little barb at Alan's recent interaction with the kid on the dig site, after meeting with Hammond in the trailer.
    Hammond: There's no doubt in my mind that our attractions will drive kids out of their minds.
    Alan: What are those?
    Ellie: [Quietly to Alan] Small versions of adults, honey.
  • When Nedry and Dodgson meet before Nedry leaves for the park:
    Dodgson: You shouldn't use my name.
    Nedry: [waving his hands and pointing] Dodgson! Dodgson! WE'VE GOT DODGSON HERE! [Beat] See? Nobody cares. Nice hat. What are you trying to look like, a secret agent?
    • Which then led to an amazing remix on YTMND courtesy of noted remixer keatonkeaton.
    • Nedry is introduced polishing off an entire table of food, leaving no questions as to why he's so fat. Dodgson then hands him his first bag of money, and Nedry is a jittering, happy wreck as he cradles the bag. Then he lets out a squeal of delight when Dodgson demonstrates the shaving can and drops some shaving cream on the slice of pie on his table.
      • Look closely, as Dodgson momentarily loses patience with Nedry's shit when Nedry asks "No menthol?"
    • In an easily missed Funny Background Event earlier, Dodgson forgot to close the taxi's door, forcing the driver to get out and close it himself and blow off Dodgson.
    • Capped off by Dodgson's silence when Nedry sticks him with the check:
      Nedry: ...Don't get cheap on me, Dodgson. That was Hammond's mistake.
  • The blasé way that Ian asks Grant and Ellie about their job, whilst eating peanuts on the helicopter. Made about a hundred times more hilarious by Jeff Goldblum's weirdly fascinating laugh.
    Ian: So you two, um... [chomp] Dig up... dig up dinosaurs?
    Ellie: Well, uh...
    Grant: We try to.
    Ian: [cackles for about five seconds straight]
    Hammond: You have to get used to Dr. Malcolm. He suffers from a deplorable excess of personality.
  • In the iconic scene where everyone sees their first live dinosaur, Ellie is very preoccupied with the leaf of an extinct plant she picked up. Finally, Grant grabs her head and physically makes her look. Cue dropped jaw...
    • Even better, Grant dumbfoundedly points at the Brachiosaurus and numbly mumbles:
      Alan: It-It's a dinosaur.
      Ellie: Uh-huh.
    • Hammond cheerfully informs Ellie and Grant that the park has a T. rex. Already too shocked at the sight of the Brachiosaurus, Grant is at a loss for words and looks like he's going to faint.
  • As they're being led to the theater for the educational movie:
    Ellie: What are you thinking?
    Alan: That we're out of a job.
    Ian: Don't you mean "extinct?"
    • This is actually a Development Gag, inspired by a dialogue between the head of the original stop-motion animation team hired for the movie when they saw the initial CGI work and Spielberg.
    • The movie itself. Hammond momentarily forgets that he has lines he's supposed to say to his onscreen counterpart, and has to quickly pull out his script and skip some lines.
    • During the movie, Hammond's clones say hello to each other.
      Hammond's Clones: Hello, John. Hello, John! Hello, John!
    • Hammond notes that the musical score playing over Mr. DNA's film is placeholder music.
      Hammond: This score is only temporary. It all has very dramatic music, of course. "Rum pum pum." A march or something. It hasn't been written yet. And then of course, the tour moves on.
    • The introductory part of the tour is clearly supposed to be the boring part they have to get out of the way and move quickly through (as evidenced by Hammond not bringing his grandkids, "the target audience," along for that part), but Drs. Grant, Sattler, and Malcolm are scientists who are incredibly interested in all the exposition Mr. DNA yada-yada'ed over, to the point that they break the safety restraints in order to learn more. Of all the shortsightedness that went into building the park, you really can't blame Hammond for not anticipating that.
    • After the movie presentation, Gennaro gets a little confused about the lab scientists:
      Gennaro: This is overwhelming, John. Are these characters... auto-erotica?
      Hammond: No, no, no, no. We have no animatronics here. No. Those people are the real miracle workers of Jurassic Park.
  • The robot arm in the dinosaur nursery taking the hatched egg right out of Grant's hand and setting it back down. The look on his face...
  • Ian, after learning that all the dinosaurs are female.
    Ian: So how do we know? Does someone go out into the park and pull up the dinosaur's skirts?
  • During the Velociraptor feeding scene, Hammond has this... weird smirk directed at Grant, Ellie, and Ian, who are horrified watching the feeding. It almost looks like he's expecting them to get impressed at how badass the Velociraptors are... and he's apparently forgotten that a Velociraptor killing a worker in the film's opening is the reason why he invited them in the first place.
    • Alternatively, it's meant to be a This Is Gonna Suck face, considering that afterwards he immediately tries to distract them by inviting them to eat in the dining room.
    • This gem after the cow's shredded and bloodstained harness is pulled back up and everyone is uncomfortable:
      Hammond: Yes... well... who's hungry?
    • Followed by a Smash Cut to a large plate of Chilean Sea Bass, absolutely slathered in red sauce, being placed in front of Ellie. You can see her stomach churn.
  • This gem after Ian, Ellie, and Grant all argue against Jurassic Park:
    Hammond: I don't believe it! Hah! I don't believe it! You're supposed to come here and defend me against these characters, and the only one I've got on my side is the bloodsucking lawyer!
    Gennaro: Thank you.
  • This famous exchange, but especially right after with Ian and Grant turning to stare at her, and Grant's little smile:
    Ian: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.
    Ellie: Dinosaurs... eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
  • When the tour program turns out to have a minor error (the vehicle headlights are stuck on and are running on car batteries), Hammond has this memorable exchange with Nedry:
    Hammond: Dennis, our lives are in your hands and you have butterfingers?
    Nedry: [scoffs] I am totally unappreciated in my time.
  • During the tour when, in an attempt to lure the T-Rex out, a goat is used as bait. Lex is horrified, which leads to this unexpected witticism from Gennaro.
    Gennaro: What's the matter, kid? You never had lamb chops before?
    Lex: I happen to be a vegetarian.
  • When the dinosaur tour falls flat thanks to the non-appearance of the dinosaurs:
    Ian: Ah, now, eventually you do plan to have dinosaurs on your, on your dinosaur tour, right? Hello? [taps the camera lens, breathes on it] Hello? Yes?
    Hammond: [face in his hands, deadpan] I really hate that man.
  • Malcolm is explaining chaos theory and unpredictability to Ellie when Alan suddenly jumps out of the car when he sees the triceratops. Malcolm points this out to Ellie and an example, before she herself jumps out after Alan, leaving Malcolm talking to himself in the car.
    Malcolm: And now here I am all by myself, uh, talking to myself. That's, that's chaos theory.
  • Ian's utterly deadpan reaction to the Triceratops feces:
    Ian: That is one big pile of shit.
    • It then pans over to Ellie literally elbow-deep in dino doo-doo trying to figure out what's wrong with the Triceratops as Grant and Ian look on, riveted.
      Ian: She's, uh...tenacious.
      Grant: You have no idea.
      Ian: [calling after Ellie] You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything!
    • And Grant obviously steps in some of the feces, as he's seen awkwardly looking down at his boot.
  • Nedry's incredibly obvious attempts at covering his sabotage: He rambles for several minutes about going down to the snack machines (while wearing his raincoat), then clumsily segues into talking about debugging the phones and how "several systems might go offline". Dennis Nedry, worst spy ever. (And remember that he mocked Dodgson's "spy" behavior earlier.)
    • Arnold rolls his eyes in the middle of Nedry's dialogue, clearly thinking "Why am I even listening to this crap?"
    • When all the systems start shutting down, Hammond orders them to "Find Nedry! Check the vending machines!" Either his act actually worked on Hammond, or he's such a Fat Bastard that they decided the vending machines were the most likely place to start their search, regardless.
    • Crossing with Fridge Brilliance, one could say the only reason his obvious bluff even worked was that, ironically, it was the only part of the whole plan Nedry timed right. Even if unintentional on his part: Hammond, Arnold, and Muldoon were so focused on the test run of the tour, they didn't pay any attention to their fat walking headache and just agreed with him so they could get back to the guests.
  • After Nedry accidentally crashes into the East Dock sign, he tries to put it back up, fix the arrow to the right, then to the left... then spins the arrow around in frustration Wheel of Fortune style.
  • Ian is occasionally married and always on the lookout for a future ex-Mrs. Malcolm, even going as far as to flirt with Ellie and ask Grant if she's available. When Grant replies with a sharp "Why?", Ian understands that Grant and Ellie are together and backs off.
  • When attempting to fix Jurassic Park's computer problem:
    Nedry: [on computer] Unh-unh-uh, you didn't say the magic word! Unh-unh-uh. Unh-unh-uh...
    Arnold: PLEASE! Goddamnit, I hate this hacker crap!
  • Gennaro's response to Tim playing around with the night-vision goggles.
    Gennaro: Are they heavy?
    Tim: Yeah.
    Gennaro: Then they're expensive. Put 'em back!
  • Gennaro bolts upon seeing Rexy and hides in a toilet shack. Grant and Ian see this, but not Rexy.
    Grant: Where does he think he's going?
    Ian: When you gotta go, you gotta go.
    • The book character this version of Gennaro is combined with, Ed Regis, does this because Rexy's roar made him piss his pants.
    • The fact there actually is a public toilet in front of the Tyrannosaurus rex paddock. Clearly, the park designers expect visitors pissing their pants when they see Rexy.
    • Rexy breaks the toilet shack when charging after Ian, and all that's left in her field of vision is Gennaro sitting on the toilet bowl (and most certainly crapping his pants). Rexy can only give a rather curious head tilt, then promptly gobbles down Gennaro. Quite an undignified death this is.
    • The toilet scene is so iconic that, 29 years later, Mattel created an action figure set of the scene. While clearly meant for adult collectors, the fact that there is an action figure of a middle-aged lawyer that comes with suitcase, outhouse, and toilet accessories is both hilarious and awesome.
  • When Rexy breaks the fence, Ian laments he has been vindicated.
    Ian: Boy, do I hate being right all the time.
  • A darkly humorous moment during Rexy's first scene:
    Grant: [with a flare] HEY!
    Rexy: [roars loudly, as if to scream "WHAT?!"]
    Grant: [gives an extremely appropriate "Oh, Crap!" face before throwing the flare away]
  • Grant trying to talk Tim into climbing down from the tree is as hilarious as it is heartwarming.
    Grant: Okay, it's not that bad, right, Tim?
    Tim: Yes, it is.
    Grant: Just like coming out of a treehouse; did your dad ever build you a treehouse?
    Tim: No...
    Grant: (under his breath, deflated) Yeah, me too.
    • Alan tells Tim to never, ever look down. They both promptly do so.
  • Briefly, Rexy can be seen ripping off the bottom of the car. She spits it out, apparently not liking the taste of metal, and goes for the car wheel, wondering if it tastes any better. Judging by her reaction... it doesn't.
  • After Grant retrieves Tim from a car stuck in a tree, the branches snap and the car comes loose, crashing down through the tree and eventually landing on top of them (luckily the roof was missing, creating a safe spot), and then...
    Tim: Well... we're back... in the car again.
    Grant: At least you're out of the tree.
    • Later, everyone has to climb a tree to stay safe for the night. Tim objects.
      Lex: [Trees] don't bother me.
      Tim: Yeah, well, you weren't in the last one.
  • When Nedry's Jeep gets stuck in the rain, you can spot a cleverly-put Freeze-Frame Bonus on the car's tire, which is written "All-Terrain".
    • When Nedry slips down the slope, a cartoonish whoosh is clearly audiblenote .
  • Nedry attempts to distract the Dilophosaurus... by trying to get her to chase a stick.
    Nedry: [as the Dilophosaurus stares at him] Stick, stupid! Fetch the stick, boy! Look at the stick, yes! Ah, no wonder you're extinct! I'm gonna run you over when I come back down!
    • A subtle bit comes when Nedry is trying to shoo away the Dilophosaurus:
      Nedry: I have no food on me!
      Dilophosaurus: [looks him up and down, clearly disagreeing, obviously thinking "You are the food... and a lot of it too!"]
      • Before that he says "You want any food? Look at me". It sounds like Nedry is offering himself to the Dilophosaurus.
    • After he throws the stick, the Dilophosaurus glances in that direction, back at Nedry, then cocks her head and hoots as if to say, "Try harder next time."
    • There's also the fact that Nedry is calling a dinosaur that he should obviously know is a female "boy". It's like he didn't listen to anything Hammond said.
    • The Dilophosaurus' zero-to-one-hundred kill-mode transformation. After a good minute or two of Nedry trying to make banter with her, her cute chirping and innocent head tilts turn into the spreading of her predatory fins and horrid shrieking.
    • Nedry running into the door frame after being blinded by the Dilophosaurus.
    • And finally the Dilophosaurus popping up through the passenger side door before she makes the kill. It seems that while Nedry was struggling to get in the front seat and shut the door she just went round to the other side of the vehicle and entered that way.
  • Ellie and Muldoon discovering the injured Ian:
  • When Rexy is chasing Muldoon, Ellie, and Ian in the Jeep, she appears in the "Objects in mirror are Closer than They Appear" mirror. As if she could be any closer already.
    Ian: Must go faster.
    • Muldoon's smug expression when Rexy gives up the chase and Ian's "Think they'll have that on the tour?" add a bit of icing to the cake.
  • The moment when Lex decides she wants to stroke the Brachiosaurus after seeing Grant and Tim do it... and she promptly get sneezed all over.
    Tim: God bless you!
  • All the sibling snark going on at this time is pretty comical:
    • After Grant explains to Lex that the Brachiosaurus is a herbivore:
      Tim: That means they only eat vegetables. But for you, I think they'd make an exception.
    • Once Lex is cleaned up and no longer dripping with dino snot:
      Tim: Great. Now she'll never try anything new. She'll just sit in her room and never come out and play on her com-pyu-ter.
      Lex: I'm a hacker.
      Tim: That's what I said. You're a nerd.
      Lex: I am not a nerd; I prefer to be called a hacker.
  • When Tim, Lex, and Grant have to quietly sneak away from Rexy feeding on a Gallimimus that she caught, Tim has to be dragged away by Grant due to being fascinated by all the blood and gore.
    [Grant grabs him from behind and pulls him away]
    • Not that Grant is much better. Both dinosaur lovers are way more into watching dinosaur behavior than Lex thinks is healthy; all she wants to do is leave, and Grant and Tim keep obsessing over dinos. Even Tim has to be the voice of reason when Grant observes that the Gallimimus herd moves "just like a flock of birds evading a predator" and is initially oblivious to what that might mean.
      Tim: They're, uh, they're flocking this way.
  • This exchange is a fine example of an Analogy Backfire if ever there was one:
    Hammond: When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!
    Ian: Yeah, but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
  • When trying to tell Ellie where to go to restart the park's systems, Hammond pulls out a map and places it over Ian's injured leg, causing Ian to gasp in pain. Hammond then gives him an apology that doesn't sound quite sincere.
  • Hammond wants to go in Ellie's place because he's the man. Ellie simply responds that they can address "sexism in survival situations" when she gets back.
    • Not to mention the ludicrous irony of the exchange as noted by The Nostalgia Critic himself:
      The Critic: It is funny him confusing strength and gender seeing how most of the things on the island trying to kill them have a vagina.
  • A Hope Spot turns into Black Comedy as Ellie feels an arm landing her on the shoulder and sighs "Mr. Arnold" with relief...only for it to be revealed that it's his severed arm because he's been eaten.
  • Grant scaring Lex and Tim by pretending the 10,000 volt electric fence is switched on when he touches it. The siblings contrasting response to this prank just tops it off.
    Lex: [angry] That's not funny.
    Tim: [laughing] That was great!
  • Before he got shocked, Tim was counting to three to jump. As he got to two, the fence became electrified and he was thrown unconscious from the fence. After Grant managed to recesitate him, and he weakly exclaimed "Three." making both Grant and the crying Lex chuckle.
  • Back in the Visitor Center, a frazzled, limping Tim hobbles over to a table absolutely laden with cakes, flans, jellies, pies, and other assorted sweets. He gives it a moment of consideration before picking up, not a spoon, but two massive cake shovels.
  • When the the dinosaurs start rampaging, the protagonists are unable to call for help or evacuate because all the phones are down, courtesy of Nedry. When they finally reestablish communication, Grant informs Hammond via phone...and Hammond fails to comprehend that they can finally leave the island.
    Hammond: [casually] Yes?
  • At the end as they flee the Visitor Center:
    Grant: Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration, I've decided not to endorse your park.
    Hammond: So have I.
  • As Rexy, victorious over the Velociraptor pack, unleashes her Mighty Roar, the "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" banner flutters down past her. Also counts as a CMOA.
  • It's unknown if this was intentional, but towards the end, one of the jeeps has mud covering parts of the Jurassic Park logo, so it looks like it says "UR ASS PARK".

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