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Funny / John Wick

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  • John's reaction to the dog running outside when he goes to get the paper, then realizing why she's doing it.
    John: Oh. Right. [cut to the dog running back, leaving a fresh pile of crap on his lawn]
  • Viggo's reaction to hearing that his son broke into John Wick's house, stole his car, and killed his dog. He goes from furious that Aurelio had the audacity to hit his kid to completely understanding the situation.
    Viggo: I heard you struck my son.
    Aurelio: Yes sir, I did.
    Viggo: And may I ask why?
    Aurelio: Yeah well, 'cause he stole John Wick's car, sir, and uh... killed his dog.
    Viggo: [long pause] ...Oh. [hangs up]
  • Viggo's "conversation" with John, which consists of him trying to placate and talk John down from going on his inevitable Roaring Rampage of Revenge, while John listens in stony silence and then hangs up. The periodic switches from Viggo's placation to John's emotionless face heighten the effect.
    Avi: What'd he say?
    Viggo: Enough.
  • John casually conversing with Jimmy, a cop called to investigate "noise complaints" after he takes out a 12-man mafia hit squad with relative ease.
    • To elaborate, we go from the intense hand-to-hand fighting with John brutally stabbing a man to death, there's a few seconds of John laying there catching his breath...and then the doorbell rings.
    • Even better is the exchange after Jimmy sees the body of one of the aforementioned hitmen.
      Jimmy: [clearly uncomfortable] You, uh... working again?
      John: Nah, just sorting some stuff out.
      Jimmy: Oh... well I'll leave you be, then. Good night, John.
      John: [casually] Good night, Jimmy.
    • After the fight at his house, John calls in a "dinner reservation for 12", which is code for "I have twelve dead bodies to dispose of". Charlie and his men show up, then politely clean up every last drop of blood (and wrap every body up in sheets, then cart them off in a van) in a very tidy manner. Every member of the crew is huge, intimidating guys, who are mopping and cleaning windows, along with them being led by the comparatively tiny Charlie. And all to a hard rock tune that wouldn't have been out of place for the fight itself.
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    • Given a Brick Joke later on. When John's fighting Perkins in his hotel room, the phone starts ringing over the sounds of violence. After a few seconds, there's an abrupt cut to the very quiet lobby of the Continental, with Charon patiently waiting for John to answer, even though he clearly knows what's going on. This happens again before John wins the fight and picks up the phone.
      John: Yes?
      Charon: I apologize for calling you at this hour, but we have received a number of grievances from your floor concerning the noise.
      John: My apologies. I was dealing with an uninvited guest.
      Charon: [casually] Have you need then of, say, a dinner reservation, perhaps?
      John: Perhaps. I'll have to get back to you.
    • And to cap it off, when Winston informs Ms. Perkins that her membership has been revoked, Charlie and his crew emerge shortly after.
  • Similar to Jimmy, John has a brief conversation with Francis, the bouncer for Viggo's nightclub. After getting an answer to the number of guards inside, John "suggests" that Francis take the night off, and Francis is all too glad to take it.
  • Viggo goes to Marcus to offer him the contract on Wick. Marcus is feeding carrots and other vegetables into a juicer and offers Viggo a glass of the results. Viggo smells it and is less than enthused by the thought.
    • What makes the above even funnier is when Viggo leaves, he thanks Marcus for the drink, despite said drink being left untouched right there on the table!
  • When John first enters the Continental and sees Perkins, the exchange implies some sort of Noodle Incident between the two in the past.
    Perkins: [cheerfully] Good seeing you again, John.
    John: [grumbles] Perkins...
  • The entire premise. An ex-Mafia hitman declares war on the entire Russian Mob because someone killed his dog.
    • It's a great deal less amusing in context, particularly because the dog was his wife's last gift to him.
    • Although, any conversation about it with a dog lover tends to be a bit funny, since the general consensus is "Yeah, that about sums up what I'd do."
    • When some of the cast were asked in an interview what would set them on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge like John Wick, Adrianne Palicki actually agreed that she would burn the world if somebody hurt her dog.
  • After a bloody fight in which his shirt is stained with blood and torn apart, John asks the concierge at the Continental for laundry.
    John: How good's your laundry?
    Charon: [takes a pointed, critical glance] I'm sorry to say that no one is that good.
    John: [sighing] No, I thought not.
    Charon: [as John turns to leave] May I suggest a drink, sir? Bourbon, perhaps?
    John: That sounds perfect.
  • Avi, Viggo's consigliere, repeatedly having to ask Viggo to speak in English to him, much to Viggo's displeasure.
  • John walks into a church and, when greeted by the priest, wordlessly whips out an assault rifle. Everyone, including the freaking organist, pulls out a gun only to be shot down by John, leaving only the kneecapped priest angrily cursing at John and a bewildered little old woman who seems to be the only person in the entire building who's actually using the church as intended.
    • Also, when John demands the priest open the security gate to Viggo's vault:
      Priest: Viggo will kill me!
      [John executes another guard]
      John: [beat] Uh-huh?
    • The priest yelling "MOTHERFUCKER" after he is shot by John.
  • During the confrontation in the church, Viggo points out that their career choices haunt them and cling to them in a very dramatic speech.
    Viggo: We are cursed, you and I.
    Wick: On that, we agree.
    Viggo: [brightly] Finally, common ground!
  • A while thereafter, John grabs a Kel-Tec KSG shotgun and ends up wrecking Viggo's car entourage single-handedly within a handful of seconds. When he turns his gun to Viggo, Viggo just says "Coolitcoolitcoolitcoolitcoolit!" in the most hilarious manner possible.
    • Per the directors' commentary, this line was ad-libbed by Michael Nyqvist.
  • While on the subject of Viggo, there's Viggo going full Villainous Breakdown and refusing to hand Avi a gun in the most childish way possible.
    Viggo: [mutters something]
    Avi: English, please.
    Viggo: Good luck.
    Avi: [finally sick of everything that's happened] Russian cocksucker.
    • The start of his breakdown can also be seen as one. When John explains that the dog was a final gift from his dead wife whilst being interrogated by Viggo, you can see Viggo start to completely unravel, as if he's thinking "Oh, fuck. It's even worse than I thought."
  • When John is infiltrating the Red Circle, Kiril is watching the security cameras and calls down to the bath house level. The moment he calls down asking for an update, cue an abrupt cut to a guard's body slapping against a glass wall, blood splattering everywhere.
  • A meta one, the directors were quite nervous that Alfie Allen would refuse to film the scene where he runs through a crowded nightclub in a towel, not having seen Game of Thrones where he'd gone through far worse indignities.
    • Also, Iosef is essentially the same character as Theon: a spoiled clueless prince who can't measure up to his father.
  • Another meta moment: the fact that Avi is played by Dean Winters, best known as Mayhem from the Allstate commercials. Considering all the damage John does in the movie, they're gonna need a very understanding insurance company.


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