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Funny / James and the Giant Peach

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  • The scene where James suggests using the Earthworm as bird bait has the Centipede and Miss Spider making perhaps the worst possible attempts at talking him into it:
    "You will be a martyr," said the Centipede. "I shall respect you for the rest of my life."
    "So will I," said Miss Spider. "And your name will be in all the newspapers. Earthworm gives life to save friends..."
  • During the voyage over the sea, the flying peach is spotted by the captain of the ship Queen Mary, who starts raving about giant insects, to which the Second Officer just sighs: "Oh dear, he's been at the whiskey again."
  • The Earthworm's reactions to finding out there are Cloud-Men all around them:
    "I'm glad I'm blind and can't see them, or I would probably scream."
    • Speaking of Earthworm, he gets a little too happy when Centipede gets coated with paint. This particular quote skirts into Black Comedy, considering that it comes right after Miss Spider tearfully expresses sympathy over Centipede's plight.
    "It'll never come off," the Earthworm said brightly. "Our Centipede will never move again. He will turn into a statue and we shall be able to put him in the middle of the lawn with a bird-bath on the top of his head."
  • When James introduces the bugs to the astonished New Yorkers, he does so in verse — and while most of the verses are at least somewhat accurate, the verse presenting the Centipede is the most nonsensical and untrue of them all, and includes some hilarious snark from one of the firemen:
    "My friends, this is the Centipede, and let me make it known
    He is so sweet and gentle that (although he's overgrown)
    The Queen of Spain, again and again, has summoned him by phone
    To baby-sit and sing and knit and be a chaperone
    When nurse is off and all the royal children are alone."
    ("Small wonder," said a Fireman, "they're no longer on the throne.")
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  • The Centipede mocking the Cloud Men as they prepare for winter during summer.
    "Idiots! Nincompoops! Blunder-heads! Half-wits! Asses! What on earth do you think you're doing over there?"


  • This little gem:
    Centipede: I've sailed all the five seas! From the sun-drenched reefs of Bora Bora to the icy shores of Tripoli! Commodore Centipede, they used to call me!
    Grasshopper: Seven.
    Centipede: Huh?
    Grasshopper: There are seven seas. And Tripoli is in the subtropics, "Commodore".
    Centipede: Trim the sails!
    Ladybug: There are no sails.
    Centipede: Stoke the engines!
    Earthworm: There are no engines.
    Centipede: I can't work with this miserable crew!
  • During the introduction of the bugs to New York City:
    James: ... and the Glow-worm!
    Glow-worm [facing the wrong way]: God bless the colonies!
  • When James brings up his plan to use seagulls to make the peach fly, he also states they'll need bird bait. The Earthworm wonders where they're going to find bird the other bugs creep up behind him. Ms. Ladybug pulls out a cowbell.
    Earthworm: Oh, no...have you lost your minds? (Gilligan Cut to Earthworm with the bell on) They've lost their minds! Anything but birds!
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  • This gem before they discover that they landed in the ocean.
    Earthworm: (Centipede pinches him) OW! Somebody pinched me!
    Centipede: Sorry. Thought you were the spider.
    (Miss Spider gasps indignantly and accidentally smacks Grasshopper.)
    Grasshopper: Ouch! What was that?
    Miss Spider: Excuse. I thought you were the Centipede.
  • "You, sir, are an ass!"
  • This exchange from the aunts:
    Spiker: It's... it's growing!
    Sponge: The boy?
    Spiker: No! The peach, you idiot!
  • As the aunts charge people to view the peach.
    Spiker: Sorry Father, but it will cost you double.
    Priest: May God forgive you.
    Spiker: Thank you, Father.
  • Pretty much the entirety of the "Eating the Peach" number, but this gem stands out in particular:
    Glow-worm: Does it come with GRAAAVY???
  • When the Centipede and the Grasshopper are arguing about how they ended up in the arctic:
    Centipede: "We are not lost!"
    Grasshopper: "Then where are we?"
    Centipede: "Somewhere north!" (Beat) "Or, possibly, very, very far south."
  • Centipede getting tied down and then stretched by the pirates:
    Centipede: (Sees a hulking undead pirate approaching him with a massive axe) It's Paul Bunyan, coming to cut me some slack! Whoa, hey pal, you're aiming a little low. HE'S GONNA CUT ME IN HALF!
    • The fact that two of the pirates are played by Jack Skellington and Donald Duck.
  • After James wakes up in the Arctic, the camera pans up to the Gloworm shivering and trying to warm up her hands by hovering them over her glowing tail!
  • The New Yorkers getting hit by large dripping peach juice.

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