Funny / It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"I'm the Trashman!"

...you're gonna be here a while.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• Charlie Day dealing with Danny DeVito's contract.
  Danny: (hands Charlie a jar of Vaseline) Here, lube up those lips.
  • Special mention goes to DeVito's wife, Rhea Perlman, being cool with the idea of Charlie blowing her husband enough to want to film it, and the surprise appearance of Fred Savage, chowing down on pizza, "just here to watch".
• "The Gang Ruins Easter"
• This interview with the actors of the McPoyles in which Jimmi Simpson plays a Cloud Cuckoolander version of himself who apparently does business.
• The bonus scenes of a young Mac and Charlie.
• Rob McElhenney and Glenn Howerton bullying each other on Instagram Live for 8 minutes. Just the whole thing.
  • Rob's made-up story about Glenn attacking a fan because he is "part of the liberal Hollywood elite" must be seen to be believed.
  • At one point, Glenn rants about Rob's accusations of bullying while eating a salad, a section of the video that looks a lot like found footage a serial killer from a documentary. As one comment puts it, only Glenn Howerton could make eating a salad look unhealthy.
  • Rob makes a big deal out of wearing a "Stronger Than Bullying" shirt... only to immediately get bullied into wearing a different shirt by Glenn.

Season 1

• The Gang Gets Racist: "How's that ASS feel?" (smack)
• Everything Charlie says after agreeing to date a teenage gossip addict in "Underage Drinking: A National Concern", as well as the final shot of Mac showing up stag to the high school dance. (Neither of these are flashbacks.)
• Dee asks Dennis if he's really going to throw away all of his convictions for a chance to get laid at an anti-abortion rally. His response?
  Dennis (laughs) I don't really have any convictions.
  • Mac's protest sign? "What if Jesus was aborted?"
  • Dennis trying to hop the security fence and getting pelted with eggs by both pro-choice and pro-life activists while he's stuck on top of it.
• The Gang Finds A Dead Guy: Dee and Dennis remember their grandfather, "Pop-Pop" as a soldier. Turns out that he was a soldier on the very, very wrong side of history.
  • Charlie greeting Dennis at the door as he cheerfully eats a banana while dressed as an SS officer.

Season 2

• "Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare": Every scene with Charlie and Mac in the limousine.
  • Frank revealing that due to the events of the episode, he's promoting Charlie to management because he "had a lot of balls stealing my money" while simultaneously giving Mac nothing for the exact same reason and reassigning Dennis and Dee to "Charlie Work" because their unemployment scam led to them becoming crackheads. This leaves Dennis and Dee dumbfounded and weakly muttering their final lines in the episode:
    Dennis: Crack...
    Dee: Crack... crack... crack...
  • Dennis and Dee awkwardly trying buy crack from their car.
  • Mac and Charlie mocking Dennis and Dee for getting hooked on crack is one of the all time greatest moments of the show.
• "Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom": Dennis plans to get back at Mac (and later Charlie) by attempting to have sex with their mothers, but neither situation goes quite as planned. This gives us the first appearance of Mrs. Mac, who rejects Dennis in the most nonchalant yet cutting way possible:

  Dennis: Why don't we go inside and have a little fun?
  Mrs. Mac: Don't find you attractive.
  Dennis: What.
  Mrs. Mac: I think you're an ugly man.
  Dennis: You think I'm ugly?
  Mrs. Mac: Yeah.
  Dennis: I'm not ugly, you're ugly.
  Mrs. Mac: Yeah.

• Basically every scene of Dee (and Charlie, for that matter) when they're jacked up on steroids in "Hundred Dollar Baby." The (arguably) funniest scene occurs when Dee's rival states that she "looks like a Holocaust victim wearing pageant makeup" to which Dee replies "I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES, BITCH!"
  • Also the scene where a crackhead mugger threatens the gang and they throw Dee to the ground and run off, completely abandoning her.
    Mugger: Nice friends.
• The end of "The Gang Gives Back." As part of court-ordered community service for what they did to the Israeli man who threatened to take their bar, Mac, Dennis and Dee are required to coach dual basketball teams at the local rec center, Dennis coaching one team, Mac and Dee coaching the other. Frank decides to get in on this by betting on the game with his gambling-addicted, chain-smoking Vietnamese friends, but he fixes the game by giving Dennis' star player a bike in exchange for staying out of it. After realization of this disadvantage, Dennis teaches his team to play dirty, and Mac and Dee do the same. Meanwhile, Charlie was court-ordered to join Alcoholics Anonymous, where he meets the Waitress and tries to stalk her there. When he lets out that Dennis is coaching a community basketball team, she attends the game to see him coach. Jealous, Charlie offers to referee the game and shows up drunk out of his mind. The results have to be seen to believed.
  Charlie: (to the Waitress) Do you see what you've done?!
  • At one point, Charlie up and takes the ball, and tries to make a basket... by throwing it directly into the rim of the hoop.
• "The Gang Runs for Office"
  • When Charlie isn't happy that Dennis decided to just drop out of being a comptroller, especially when he traded his entire "savings" to save Dennis from a smear campaign. His reaction? He takes off one of his shoes, shows it to Dennis, and proceeds to slam the shoe repeatedly against the counter top.
  • Dennis reads the campaign speech Charlie wrote, while Charlie mouths the speech in the background with a smile on his face, clearly pleased with himself for coming up with it:
    "Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot." What? "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia, so do."
• Charlie letting the 'miracle' go to his head in "The Gang Exploits a Miracle." Everything from becoming convinced he might be the Messiah to claiming that he's "gay for God."
  • "I got the Lord! I got the good Lord, he's going down on me!"
• The end of "Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass." Frank gets sent to the basement of Paddy's to run his gambling operations. After deciding to evacuate everyone from the bar, Dennis and Mac go to the basement to find that Frank has spread his gambling to Russian Roulette. He spins a revolver and gives it to a participant and off screen we hear a gunshot and a thud. Dennis then sighs and says he’ll call the cops in a tired and irritated tone like someone broke in through the back door and stole money from the cash drawer. The fact that all of Frank's "friends" in that basement are Vietnamese, along with the fact that Frank is wearing a pair of sunglasses with one of the lenses popped out and smoking a cigarette, makes that scene also a Shout-Out to the most famous scene from the end of The Deer Hunter.
  • Charlie's "Rock, Flag, and Eagle" song from the same episode, which according to Word of God was ad-libbed by Charlie Day.
  • Mixed with Squick, Ryan McPoyle openly making out, tongue and all, with his sister Margaret, as their brother Liam watches, glass of milk in hand, looking rather pleased.
• "Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad": When Dennis and Dee tell Frank they have something disturbing to tell him, Frank immediately assumes that they are banging each other.
  • Frank's unforgettable reaction to finding out he's not Dennis and Dee's real father.
  • Mac and Charlie agree that guys in prison are hard (read: tough). Thus, they want to find ways to prove how hard they are.
    Mac: This is our chance to get hard!
    Charlie: I just don't know if this is the best way to get hard.
    Mac: Of course it is. This is totally hard. Look, you wanna get hard, don't you?
    Charlie: Oh, I want to get hard. I want to get very, very hard.

Season 3

• From "The Gang Finds A Dumpster Baby":
  Frank: What the hell is that?
  Mac: It's a baby we found in the trash.
  (Beat)
  Frank: Well, put it back; it doesn't belong to you.
• "The Gang Gets Invincible": The football tryouts are relocated, so Frank tells Charlie to pack the van so they can follow the bus. Charlie doesn't want to do it but Frank keeps badgering him until Charlie lets out an aggravated "AAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" and gets up.
  • The Coach. He manages to scream almost every line he's got without being overly hammy, and scares the shit out of the protagonists.
  • When the gang goes to football tryouts, Frank drops acid (and tricks Charlie into doing the same). Frank gets trapped in a bathroom and is too high to get out. He hallucinates a vision of Artemis who tells him to get out through the toilet. Later it's revealed that all of this is in his head and he's just standing in a garbage bin with the real Artemis gawking at him, asking the rest of the Gang how they got into the bathroom. He then mistakes Charlie (who is in his Green Man costume) for a lizard.
    Frank: Lizard. Am I standin' in poop?
  • Dee tries to punt a football, which immediately beelines into another player's face.
    • Charlie drops this question while tripping balls:
      Charlie: Wait a second! How long have we been standing here?
      Dennis: Like, two seconds.
      Charlie: SERIOUSLY!?
• "Dennis and Dee's Mom is Dead": Barbara's will is downright hilarious.
  Lawyer: Frank, if your fat monkey heart is still beating, then congratulations. I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children. A handsome man with a beautiful soul and a nicer penis. For my darling son, Dennis, I give you my house, on the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in. Deandra, you get nothing. You were a disappointment and a mistake.
  • Charlie decides to read Dee's middle school diary for shits and giggles with his new friend Ernesto. The two end up sobbing in each others arms by the end, oblivious to the man falling off the roof just outside the window.
• Ryan stabbing Liam in the arm in "The Gang Gets Held Hostage" after Liam commands him to "stab somebody!". Prior to this, Liam tells Dennis to "start breakin' bricks, wet nips" and makes a virtually unspellable sound. This one has plenty of bloopers because the cast kept breaking.
  Liam: What have you done, man?! Gimme the milk.
  Ryan: Showin' 'em we're not bluffin'!
  Liam: No, you were supposed to stab one of them!
  • The Literal Cliffhanger, which is subverted when Ryan only drops a story and lands on the street without injury.
  • The ending, where it's revealed to be a prank, and the McPoyles run screaming in victory on the streets. They're only wearing bathrobes while doing this, mind you.
• The last few minutes of "The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo." After Dennis rejects all the other models for his dress, the audience is treated to a scene of a shirtless Dennis putting on lipstick in a mirror and giving himself a motivational speech about how he "hasn't even begun to peak" with "Together Forever" by Rick Astley in the background.
  • And then, minutes later, Dennis bursts into Ingrid's office in full drag, complete with what looks like basketballs in his chest, while the rest of the Gang just stares blankly at him and "Together Forever" continues to blast.
  Dennis: What are you guys doing here? (Credits roll)
  • Frank's idea of improving morale at his sweatshop is having Nazi radio propaganda blaring out of the loudspeakers at all times.
• "Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire" - the moment where...well, Frank causes Dee to catch fire as she attempts to save a box of kittens, which she proceeds to because she's on fire.
  • And, of course, the title card, which is immediately preceded by Frank innocuously asking "How's anybody gonna get hurt?"
  • Dennis and Dee go dancing at several clubs in an attempt to get famous. After arriving at the bar severely hungover, they find out what happened the previous night, thanks to public access TV: a diaper fetish rave.
  • invoked The conversation at the nursing home. The fact that Charlie Day and Rob McElhenney are both visibly struggling not to laugh during the whole scene only adds another layer of comedy onto the whole proceedings.
    Frank: Why'd you drag us to a place like this? It smells like the bottom of a bird cage.
    Mac: Lots of shady shit goes down in nursing homes, Frank. Okay, these places are like prisons.
    Frank: Like people getting ass-raped?
    Charlie: What?! Oh my god, dude, no one's getting ass-raped. Come on, man.
    Mac: No, not people getting ass-raped. No, it's that people don't wanna be here because they feel like—
    Frank: —Because they're getting ass-raped!
    Charlie: No one's getting ass-raped!!
    • Speaking of Frank, there's his Insane Troll Logic (complete with ridiculously over-the-top hand gestures and intonation) about how nursing homes are kept at such low temperatures to "prevent the meat from spoiling" (as in, supposedly helping the elderly residents survive for longer).
  • The very sudden and surprise Reveal that the seemingly sweet old lady Mac is interviewing turns out to be a despicable racist.
    Mac: Is there anything you don't like about this nursing home?
    Beat
    Old Lady: ...The blacks.
    Mac: CUT!
  • This little bit when someone starts choking on Chinese food.
    Frank: Pandemic!
    Charlie: Bird flu! Bird flu!
    Mac: I think he's choking, guys.
    Charlie: What?! He is choking! Frank, give him the Heimlich.
    Frank: I'm not gonna touch him, I don't know what he's got.
• Dennis' entire speech on twinks and bears and other gay slang on "The Gang Sells Out."
• The entire episode of "Sweet Dee is Dating a Retarded Person" is hilarious from start to finish.
  • Charlie playing his "Nightman" song (and being oblivious to the rapey undertones of the lyrics).
    Mac: It sounds like a song where a guy breaks into your house and rapes you.
    Charlie: What, dude? Where are you getting that from? It's just two men sharing the night/It might seem wrong but it's just right/It's just two men sharing each other/It's just two men like loving brothers...
  • The final verses of Lil' Kev's Take That! rap to Dee:
    Lil' Kev: Just one question, Dee / before you take your bow / This gravy train's leavin' / so who's retarded now?
• In "Mac is a Serial Killer", there's a serial killer in the area hunting young, attractive blonde women, and Dee is worried that she might get attacked. Everyone claims that she doesn't fit the profile at all ("You're blonde and a woman, but that's hardly enough"), and it's forgotten about. They suspect Mac is the killer (he's hiding the fact that he's dating a pre-op transgender woman) so they decide to stage an intervention. But they don't want to do it at one of their places (Frank has a chainsaw he's itching to use if Mac gets feisty), so they use the apartment that Dee is supposed to be house-sitting for some guy who's obviously in love with her. They go to the apartment, do the intervention, and of course, it turns out Mac's not the killer. Charlie goes to see if there's any food in the fridge and finds the severed heads of young, attractive blonde women. Then the owner comes home and spots them. Frank's reaction? He revs up the chainsaw and then it cuts to the end credits.
  • invoked The entire scene with Pepper Jack the pimp, Dennis and Dee, but particularly when he pulls a switchblade on them and they have to bribe him off with a Fraggle Rock thermos.
    Pepper Jack: Pepper Jack love Fraggle Rock!
  • Dennis briefly getting Lost in Character as a Serial Killer when he and Dee are scoping out the Waitress as she closes up shop so they can "identify with the serial killer's mindset". Furthermore, Dee's "serial killer costume" consists of an utterly ridiculous-looking clown costume (with her claiming that it's meant to be a Shout-Out to John Wayne Gacy), complete with goofy-sounding squeaks coming from her shoes when she & Dennis are trying to stalk the Waitress.
• "Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender": The reaction on Mrs. Mac when Mac says: "You guys haven't seen each other in so long, huh? It's exciting!" Mrs. Mac merely coughs out a puff of smoke, and later outright states that she hates her husband Luther.
  • To try to differentiate himself from the sex offender that looks like him, Dennis goes to the park and teach the kids about fitness. Dennis (wearing a fake pedostache) takes off his shirt and tells the kids about the proper way to do exercises, which is mistaken for flirting (especially after Dee goes to a group of dads and informs them that she's a social worker trying to rehabilitate sex offenders who were just released from prison and points out that one of her patients is Dennis). The parents are not pleased.
  • Dennis and Dee threatening to get the doppelganger sex offender put back in jail by hiring a little boy who's been trained to tell the authorities about all the sexual stuff he does to him (showing him "movies with funny naked people in them", making him taste things he doesn't want to, giving him juice boxes that make him sleepy, etc).
• "The Gang Gets Whacked". Charlie and Dee witness Rickety Cricket upon giving him cocaine. The all-definite proof that drug use can be hilarious.
  • This:
    Jockey: So come on you old son of a gun — And let Buster do a line off your boner.
    (beat; Charlie breathes in and walks away without saying a word)
  • Frank escalating Dennis's "handsome companion" job: "No more dinners. We're going straight to bangin' from now on." Then when Frank says Dennis can still have his rules about what he'll do for money, Dennis points to the classified ad that Frank made: "NO RULES".
  • Frank's pimp chalice, which Dennis sells at the end to get the money to pay back the mobsters.
    Frank: What?!
    Dennis: That's right, you son of a bitch. Thanks for bailing us out, just like always.
    Frank: Goddamn it!

Season 4

• "Mac and Dennis: Manhunters": When Cricket escapes Mac and Dennis by jumping onto an apartment ladder and heading towards the roof. The two didn't expect that ("Okay, how did his legs just do that?" "I'm not doing that, Dennis.") and give up immediately.
• "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis": Charlie's increasingly Chaotic Stupid behavior reaches its climax when he reveals he cut the brakes on the Gang's getaway van, because:
  "Wildcard, bitches! YEEEEEEE HAW!"
  • After Mac gets burned and duct tapes a towel to his head, he steals Frank's van. This leads an already paranoid-that-Dee-and-Dennis-are-trying-to-kill-him Frank to mistake Mac for a Muslim terrorist who was there to kill him.
    • Naturally, afterwards Frank waterboards Dee with a urinal to get her to admit to the conspiracy.
  • The gang tries to sell the gasoline to a rich elderly woman, with Dennis and Charlie (who's dressed as a cowboy by the way) being the salespeople. Sadly, due to Charlie's… wording, she gets the wrong impression as Charlie talks about "filling her up", "won't take no for an answer" and "will sic his associate on her" and end by asking her "So, can I fill you up or what?". Cut to them jumping into the van and speeding away, revealing that she called the cops on them.
• "Mac's Banging the Waitress": When trying to find a hiding spot, Charlie says that laying flat on his bed like a starfish would be the best place, Dennis saying the opposite. When Mac and the Waitress enter, they don't notice the Charlie and Dennis conspicuously on the bed until Mac lifts the cover, revealing the two in an incredibly awkward position.
  Dennis: Goddammit, Charlie, I knew we shouldn't have done this in the bed! Why'd you have to get on top of me?
  • The suggestive conversation between Mac and the Waitress about disguising as Charlie and Dennis to get into the apartment, which, of course Charlie and Dennis hear over a walkie talkie.
    Mac: No, you got to be behind me. I got to have you behind me.
• In "America's Next Top Paddy's Billboard Model Contest", Dee tries to make a viral video. Something about the emphasis just perfects Mac's reaction:
  Mac: Dee, there are a million videos on the Internet. Who gives a shit?
  • Frank's statement "Dennis, your mule is shit. I'm no longer turned on by mules."
• "Mac and Charlie Die: Part One": Charlie nonchalantly pulling out his loose teeth.
  • Charlie's and Mac's outrageously ridiculous plan to fake their deaths.
  • After getting high on poppers, Mac buys a wedding dress and wears it over his clothes.
  • And the pitiful "explosion" that the grenade caused to Dee's car: It just lets a puff of smoke and caused the car to bounce a little, and the horn to briefly honk. Then Mac tries to shoot the gas tank to cause an explosion that way, but keeps missing and uses up all the bullets. So not like the movies where everything's Made of Explodium.
• "Mac and Charlie Die: Part 2" - Frank playing with the Charlie mannequin and Frank imitating Charlie's high whiny voice. And it's heavily implied that, unlike with Dennis trying to find a new roommate, Frank honestly did think that Mac and Charlie were dead.
  • Mac and Charlie talk Dee into taking part in their "pretending to be dead" deal, which she does by telling Dennis she's going to jog through the park at night. Dennis actually thought she died.
  • The Reveal: at the end of part 1, Mac's dad was seen writing a letter to his son. That letter said he was leaving Mac and Charlie alone by leaving town.
• The entirety of "Who Pooped the Bed?", especially Dee's Freak Out over poop at an art gallery and Artemis' whodunit-style summation that turns out be as wrong as it is far-fetched, complete with ridiculously over-the-top stage acting from everyone who appears in the dramatic reenactments. Toilet Humor doesn't get much funnier than this.
  • The scene where the alleged scientist checks the poop.
    • And when the scientist describes the contents of the poop, Frank keeps admitting that the results (newspaper, pieces of a credit card, wolf hair) are inconclusive, grossing out Dennis.
  • Dee, The Waitress, and Artemis' B-plot is also a classic. Dee takes them out on the town for a "Sex and the City"-esque girls' night. At a nightclub, Artemis declares she's going to "take off my bra, blast my nips" and later announces to a group of men that she has a "bleached asshole." Later, Dee tries to shoplift an incredibly expensive pair of shoes, trips, and smashes her head into the side of a parked car. Made better in that this wasn't a stunt double and Kaitlin Olson volunteered to do it herself.
• "Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia": Mac admits that the feeling of getting stabbed in the bar is the kind of atmosphere he's been trying to cultivate.
  • The reveal that Charlie's holding a hammer when he, Dennis, and Dee visit the critic who gave their pub a bad review.
  • When Dee serves Corman scotch:
    Dee: I didn't feel like opening up a bottle of wine so I brought you some scotch 'cause I feel like that's what writers should drink.
    Dennis: Hey, some top-shelf scotch.
    Corman: Uh, I don't drink scotch.
    Dee: Well, you don't have to be a dick about it.
• "Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life": Sweet Dee getting dry heaves while attempting stand-up comedy. Charlie, in his own sketch, gets some too.
  Charlie: So, you guys, you ever eat cheese? Cheese is a funny thing, cheese is a strange thing. I always wonder, like, 'What is cheese? Where does it come fro- [dry heaves]
  • Sinbad in general.
  • Dee spends the night at Charlie's apartment to live in his shoes. He offers her something to eat before bed:
    Dee: This is cat food, Charlie.
    Charlie: Dee, I can't explain it, all right? There's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine cat food, beer and glue. It makes you feel, like, extremely sick and tired, then you're able to fall asleep!
    Dee: Why would I want to make myself extremely sick and tired?
    Charlie: 'Cause there's going to be about fifty cats howling outside that window all night long, and you have no idea how loud fifty cats can be!
    Dee: Okay, maybe there wouldn't be cats surrounding your building if you didn't have open cans of cat food everywhere!
    Charlie: I have fifty cats howling outside my window because I have 10,000 rats running around my building, Dee, okay?!
    Dee: Stop yelling.
    Charlie: I'm not an idiot! There's a reason to do the things that I— Oh! (Charlie's stomach growls right as a cat meows from outside) It's starting right on time. If I were you, I'd start wolfing that shit down.
  • Then Frank enters moments later and immediately eats some cat food and goes straight to bed without saying a word.
• "Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack": Frank wearing a hospital gown, naked. He loves that it lets your ass "breathe".
  • Two words: Pepe Silvia.
  Charlie: That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, OK? "Pepe Silvia." This name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, BUT THIS WHOLE BOX IS PEPE SILVIA! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's GODDAMN HANDS! Otherwise, he'snevergoingtogetit and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out? There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Aaaaaaaw SHIT, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! I got BOXES full of Pepe! All right, so I start marchin' my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "CAAAROLL! CAAAROL! I gotta talk to you about Pepe." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There IS! NO! Carol in HR. Mac...half the employees in this building have been made up! This office is a goddamn ghost town!
  • Charlie's solution to getting fired? Mailing the pink-slips halfway to Siberia.
  • Mac starts to have a genuine panic attack. As he takes a swig of coffee, Charlie tells a brooding man in a black trenchcoat and fedora - who is just there - to offer him a cigarette.
  Mac: Huh, who?
  Charlie: (Points to the man in black) Barney, he's the guy who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.
  Mac: "Barney?!" Who the hell is Barney?!"
  Charlie: (Turns to "Barney", only to discover he's not real) YOU DON'T SEE THE— Oh, shit. Where the hell did he...?
  Mac: You've lost your mind. You've lost your goddamn mind, Charlie!
  • According to an NPR interview with Charlie Day, the writers (including Day) agreed on the name "Pepe Sylvia" because of Rule of Funny, but Day likes to think there really was no such person and Charlie Kelly was actually reading "Pennsylvania" over and over.
• "The Gang Cracks the Liberty Bell": Dennis and Mac acting like fops to convince the British that they're on their side...only to be Mistaken for Gay by some guys on the street who tar and feather them. What makes it even funnier is the fact that the guys don't seem to notice them until Dennis instructs Mac to "flourish the pinky." They probably thought that Dennis and Mac were talking about some sort of sex act.
  • Mac gets a set of wooden teeth as part of a plan to infiltrate the Founding Fathers, giving him a ridiculous-sounding lisp.
  • When their muskets keep misfiring, Frank and Charlie almost instantly come to the conclusion that Dee is a witch who "cursed" their guns.
  • This gem:
  Guy carrying the Liberty Bell: Shit. Bro, we just broke the liberty bell.
  • Frank and Charlie try to negotiate with Native Americans for help with fighting the British. Frank derides them as "savages," only to quickly realize that they can understand english before nonchalantly agreeing to scalp him.
  • After Frank accidentally blows a guy's head off with a gun (which he thought was jammed), Charlie offers this piece of advice (which Dee quickly shoots down for self-evident reasons):
  Charlie: W-w-wait. Check his pulse.
  Dee: HE DOESN'T HAVE A HEAD!
• "The Gang Gets Extreme: Home Makeover Edition":
  Mac: "[The Secret] is a self-help book that Dee read and explained to us. It's about getting whatever you want without having to work for it."
  • Then Dee reveals that making a Vision Board to visualize what you want is meant to be followed by doing good deeds, as "you get back what you put in". The boys note she failed to mention this in explaining the book, implying that, while they are obscenely lazy in expecting anything for nothing, Dee was too lazy to explain the book's method beyond Step One (or failed to read beyond that point).
• "The Nightman Cometh" all the way through.
  • Dee getting weirded out by the lyrics during her musical number: "Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy, I need you, tiny boy, little boy, want to make love to you, boy..."
  • Frank messing up the lyrics "To get into this boy's soul, you've got to pay the troll toll" as "To get into this boy's hole, you've got to pay the troll toll." He does it in rehearsal and during the performance.
  • Charlie getting called out on his Relationship Writing Fumble, in making the Nightman seem like a rapist, when Charlie insist that there is nothing sexual about it and it's supposed to be a metaphor:
    Mac: Ummm... I think we have to be very careful about how we do the rape scene.
    Frank: Yeah.
    Charlie: Wh-what in God's name are you talking about? There's no "rape scene".
    (Mac and Frank give Charlie a confused look)
    Mac: ...Well, sure. I pay the Troll Toll and then I rape Dennis—
    Charlie: No! You don't rape him! You become him! You do not rape him!
    Frank: He doesn't?
  • "I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable.
    • Finally, when Frank tries to comfort Charlie at the end, after his attempt to propose to the Waitress has once again failed:
      "And by the way, I thought rape scene went really well."
  • "I WILL SMACK YOUR FACE, OFF OF YOUR FACE!!"
    • "Keep singing, bitch! You're not going to have a face by the time I'm done with you!"
  • The part where Mac leaps in bed with Dennis and the lights go out. Dennis says "Dude, do you have a boner?" to which Mac replies "Don't ruin this for me!"
    • "Gimme that leg, boy!"
  • The old woman playing the piano.
  Woman: (reading the script while Dee ad-libs her song to reassure the audience that she's not a pedophile) What is happening?

Season 5

• "The Gang Exploits The Mortgage Crisis" — This one line from Dee in the way she says it:
  Dee: Ohhh shit, is that a pool?!
  • Frank's treatment of the homeowner's kids.
  "We're gonna go paint your room a color that's not stupid. Then we're gonna throw your toys in the trash!"
  • The way Frank just brushes off child labor and abuse:
  "I had those kids painting their room. And then I told them to go down, rip some copper pipes out. Their little hands got all bloody, big deal. I had to give them the house to settle the suit."
  • Hugh Honey and Vic Vinegar. Dennis at least tries to be professional, whereas Mac takes the "Vinegar" persona way too seriously and greets the prospective buyers with the meanest Death Glare he can muster before insulting the manhood of the husband and cornering the terrified couple in the stairwell where he yells at them until they "agree" to buy the house so they can leave. What makes it even better is that Mac genuinely believes this counts as a binding "verbal contract".
• The entirety of "The Gang Hits the Road":
  • Dee drunkenly dumping a jar of pee out the window of the car... and it immediately splashing onto and waking up Mac, who's passed out in the backseat, via the open window.
    Mac: Jesus Christ, Dee, I'm covered in piss!
    Dee: Well, maybe you shouldn'ta had your window down!
    Mac: Well, maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of pee out the window!
    Dee: Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't, it's up for debate.
    Mac: You shouldn't!
    • Frank's reaction to Mac getting splashed. In the bottom right, you can see Frank's head pop into frame and quickly pull back when Mac starts yelling "IS THAT PISS?!". And when the car is pulling over, you can hear him let out of a noise of disgust.
• "The Great Recession": Charlie's creepy Uncle Jack, who has rented out his old room and wants Charlie to share the room with him:
  Jack: You and me palling around, getting nuts, doing crazy, fun things.
  Charlie: I'm not doing any kind of things that you want me to do with you, uncle Jack, you know?
  Jack: No, it's, it's stuff that relatives do.
  • The opening involving Frank attempting to hang himself. His thick neck prevents him from doing so.
• The gang advising the therapist to bring a gun to Frank's intervention.
  • The gang tricks Frank into coming to the bar by telling him there was a grease fire. He comes into the bar gun drawn.
  "Your addiction has affected us in the following ways: you are annoying."
  • In the same episode, Mac getting grossed out by Frank's noxious belches, gurgling noises, and eventually foaming at the mouth.
  • The Gang pointing and screaming at Frank, threatening to point out his flaws. This would make a normal person have a heart attack, but Frank is totally into it, thinking it's a roast.
• "Oh, whoops, ooh! I dropped... my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!"
  • In the same episode, the gang tries to emulate Dennis' already morally questionable method for attracting women and butchering it spectacularly.
• In "The Waitress Is Getting Married," Dennis and Mac set up a Match.com profile for Charlie, and get some weird answers. Such as: Favorite food: "Milksteak"; favorite hobby: "Magnets"; what are some of your likes: "Ghouls"; what are your dislikes: "People's knees". Just as funny as Charlie's answers are Mac and Dennis' increased exasperation at said answers.
  • Charlie's ridiculously bad profile pic.
  • This leads to Charlie's disastrous date:
    Charlie: I'm a full-on rapist.^NoteHe meant to say "philanthropist". You know? Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.
  • The look on Charlie's date's face when she realizes she's dating an imbecile.
  • He's also bleeding due to hornet stings and sweating profusely through his shirt, claims he ate an entire block of cheese before arriving, and then admits to his date after botching the philanthropist lie that he's a janitor at a bar. Somehow, she doesn't ditch him, and Charlie meets Dennis and Mac in the bathroom where, due to his shirt being covered in sweat, he asks Dennis to give him his (completely different) shirt. Upon coming back out, Charlie orders milksteak and then stabs at his date's breasts when told to "make a move," which is when she finally leaves.
  • Charlie's excuse for why he was in the bathroom so long.
    "There was a guy in the bathroom and he wouldn't give me his shirt. And I was fighting him, like "give me your shirt, bro!" and he wouldn't give it to me and it was like a whole thing."
  • Dennis tells Charlie that, if he thinks that the date's going wrong, he'll intervene. He intervenes immediately.
  • Dee stopping her car on a narrow street with cars behind her to invite the waitress and her fiancee to her apartment for a party. She even blames the two for holding up traffic. And when she goes back to her car, she tells the cars behind her: "Oh calm down, dickwads, it wasn't that bad!"
  • Dee throws a bachelorette party for The Waitress and her fiance Brad Fisher, featuring Frank, Artemis (who are in a food-fetish-based 'booty call'), Mrs. Mac, and Bonnie Kelly. Frank and Artemis spend the entire time seductively feeding each other and later decide to go have sex at Wendy's, while Mrs. Mac is chainsmoking and Bonnie is getting increasingly wasted. Dee explodes at the end, causing the Waitress and Brad to leave and leading to:
  Mrs. Mac: This party sucks!
  Dee: You suck!
  Mrs. Kelly: I need a riiiiide!
  Dee: Oh really, well, I ain't giving you shit, you old bitch!
• Mac's letter to Chase Utley in "The World Series Defense". Most of the court is in stitches by the time Dee finishes reading it out loud.
  "Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I'd like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you but I think you'd be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run!"
• In "The Gang Wrestles For The Troops", Frank welcoming Ben the soldier (who just got dumped by Dee after she saw him in a wheelchair) home by inviting him to a wrestling match, presenting him with a gift of a pair of jean shorts and awkwardly saluting him to "A Kiss From A Rose" by Seal.
  • And then when Dee tries to salvage the situation for her own selfish reasons by revealing herself as the real Desert Rose and serenading Ben with the same song, Rickety Cricket immediately blasts her in the face with a steel chair.
    Cricket: She. Is. A. Slut!
  • Mac, Dennis, and Charlie's awkward "Birds of War" eagle routine before the wrestling match.
  • I'M THE TRASHMAN!
  • Rowdy Roddy Piper as the washed-up, utterly unhinged wrestler Da Maniac. Whose hobbies include scavenging for chestnuts in public parks and dropping the N bomb (offscreen).

    Da Maniac: You remind me of my kids.
    Mac: You got kids, Maniac?
    Long pause
    Da Maniac: Naaaaaaah...not anymore.

  • Cricket blows sand in the gang's eyes as part of his wrestling character as a Middle-Eastern terrorist, blinding them as revenge for what they put him through. Then Frank comes in as the Trashman and s a metal trash can at his head, cutting his neck on a sharp edge and nearly killing him. When the audience is stunned silent by their genuine injuries, Frank sheepishly raises both his arms in triumph. And the crowd goes wild.
• "Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens": The ENTIRETY of Charlie's "Kitten Mittons" commercial. The clip he includes of a "cat clawing on furniture" is just a brief scene of a cheetah eating a gazelle.
  • Even funnier is Frank, Dennis, and Mac's poorly-edited and amateurish commercial for Paddy's Shotgun and Gun Shot. As an added bonus, there's a clip after the commercial of Frank spraying Dee with a fire extinguisher, a Call-Back to "Frank Sets Sweet Dee On Fire".
  • "EGG."
• "Mac and Dennis Break Up":
  • When Mac cleans Charlie and Frank's squalor of an apartment:
    Frank: This place is tits!
• In "Mac and Charlie Write a Movie", Charlie misinterpreting the twist in The Sixth Sense:

  "You find out that dude in the hairpiece, that's Bruce Willis the whole movie!"

• "The Gang Reignites the Rivalry": "I'm cutting off the bottom half of his shower curtain, that way when he takes a shower, everyone will see his junk!"
  • "I'm doing this jerkoff's taxes! Next year the IRS, will audit the piss out of him!"
  • The cold open with Frank showing off his skinny jeans and the ending where Mac and Charlie are trying to help him get them off because they're cutting off his circulation.
  • An enraged Dennis having a Villainous Breakdown, shouting "SAVAGES! IDIOTS!" in falsetto after being zapped by the frat kids and having his ego bruised.
  • To top it all off, the rival that the gang was trying to intimidate into performing in a flip-cup tournament finally caved in after having his house vandalized and his business slandered/wrecked, only for the gang to nonchalantly declare that they were not only completely over the idea of playing flip-cup, they didn't even show up to the tournament because they all forgot the date of the event.
  • Charlie going "Good Will Hunting" on the frat kids when they are asked to leave. AND FAILING. HORRIBLY. Bonus points for him doing it in a Boston Accent.

    Charlie: What's your major, dude?

    Frat Kid 1: Economics.

    Charlie: Oh! Bet you're reading a lot of Gordon Wood, huh! You read your Gordon Wood and you regurgitate it from a textbook... and you think you're wicked awesome doing that! And how about them apples? And all that Gordon Wood business!

    [Mac hangs his head in embarrassment]

    Frat Kid 1: I have no idea what you're talking about.

    Frat Kid 2: You are an idiot.

    Mac: You are an idiot.

    Charlie: Does no one know who Gordon Wood is?

  • How does the Gang win the tournament against the frat? By deliberately bombing by having Dee go first. After all, how else were they going to get the frat to drink poison?
  • Plus, they start chanting "Flip, Flip, Flip-a-delphia!" while the rivals (and Dee) are vomiting.

Season 6

• "The Gang Buys a Boat": Dee is stated to dance like the inflatable dancer seen in most used car lots, so naturally, one of these dancers is bought for the boat to prove the point. Later, when the boat goes up in flames, it's still dancing.
  Charlie: (Notices the electrical fire he accidentally started) Oooooh, that's not good!
  • Dee and Frank throw all of the houseboat's old antiques into the harbor while Charlie is looking for their keys underwater, convincing him that he found pirate treasure.
  • "So you want a P-Diddy style shrimping vessel?"
  • The entire "implications" discussion between Mac and Dennis.
  • When Mac and Dennis see a man with a prosthetic hook for a hand at the boat party and they assume he lost it in some swashbuckling adventure on the high seas. Turns out it was from diabetes.
• "Mac and Charlie: White Trash": The part where Dennis makes a break for the pool and is immediately grabbed and thrown onto a table by a security guard. Dee and Frank stop dead in their tracks.
  • Charlie telling Mac that he buys burner phones so he can keep calling the waitress without her blocking his number. Mac quickly retorts that doing so is so unbelievably trashy that it could be considered "felon class" trashy.
• The Unreliable Narrator parts of the 2010 Halloween episode "Who Got Dee Pregnant?" - culminating with Dee as an ostrich.
  • The ostrich (which is a real ostrich) just screeches at Mac in bathroom while Mac argues with it like it's speaking normally.
  • Charlie blubbering about being taken advantage of in Dennis' flashback.
    I can't believe it, man. She takes advantage of me. She's like, "Oh, my God, you look so sexy! I'm gonna sex you all up!". I'm like, "You're just my friend! Get your sex off me!". And then she gets all sexy with me, 'cause I've, like, got the sexiest costume in the world on! And I hate it!
  • The four guys visit the McPoyles because they were at the Halloween party and were sober. At one point, Mac admits that he had sex with Margaret, and Liam informs Mac that he still hasn't called Margaret back. Mac refuses to do so, and Liam shouts, "YOU WILL CALL HER!!!!"
  • When Dennis looks ill after he thinks he had sex with his own sister, the McPoyles encourage him to vomit. Then when Dennis runs for the toilet, Liam tells him, "Don't flush."
  • For most of the gang's memories, Frank is dressed as Spider-Man. However, when Frank tells his story, he sets the record straight. He actually went as Man-Spider which is totally different.
  • Mac's retelling of the events, which leads to him donning a pair of sunglasses and saying "Everybody chill..It's cool now."
  • The recurring element of a character saying that something Charlie did was "insanely masculine" turns out to have been Artemis saying that she was "insanely high on mescaline".
• Mac's big break:
  • Charlie screaming as Mac gets the question right.
  • Mac trying to drink egg yolks. He smiles....before hurling his guts into the sink.
  • The ending. Mac is lined up to take the shot......at a cardboard cutout of a goalie. He shoots the puck....and it OBLITERATES the cutout. Everybody cheers as well as Charlie, chanting Mac's name while heroic victory music plays. It then fades to white and...
    (fades to Charlie checking on Mac, who has fallen down. And the crowd is booing.)
    Charlie: Mac! Mac! Mac! Wake up! Mac! Mac!
    Mac: Ughhhhh. Oh my god. Did- Did I do good, Charlie?
    Charlie: Uhh, no. You fell on your face almost immediately man.
    Mac: Who took the shot?
    Charlie: I took the shot. Yeah, I missed wide like about a mile. It was terrible, man. Hey, look on the bright side! At least you're gonna be a sports celebrity after all because they're definitely gonna play that shit on ESPN.
  • After above, Charlie then points to the screen, which indeed shows Mac falling on his face the minute he gets onto the ice. Complete with silly music and cartoon sound effects.
  • And to add insult to injury, Mac landed head-first on Dee and Dennis's demo tape, smashing it to bits.
• "Dee Reynolds: Shaping America's Youth": The Lethal Weapon 5 video the guys made, especially once Mac and Dennis switch roles halfway through, with Mac clad in blackface and Dennis doing an exaggerated but somewhat on-point impression of Riggs.
  • Together with Mac's even more exaggerated and far worse impression of Murtaugh:
    Chief Lazarus: "Do you have any last words?!"
    Mac!Murtaugh: "Yeah, I got some last words..." *sharply inhaling* "GO SUCK AN EEEEGG!"
  • While trying to sensitively address the issue of performing in blackface, Frank cites James Earl Jones as one example, as he "does a great blackface."
    Dennis: James Earl Jones has a black face; he's a black man!
    Frank: He's not black! He was Darth Vader!
    Mac: ...Darth Vader was black.
    Frank: Darth Vader was not black, they took the mask off, he was white!
• "Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats": Dee, Dennis, and Mac going through Charlie's dream journal and getting completely confused by the drawings in it: Denim chicken, a bird with teeth, and a worm hat.
  • Later on, they try to give Charlie gifts based on his dream journal. The "worm hat" idea proved the hardest to get right due to Ambiguous Syntax, so they make gifts based on three possible interpretations: a hat made out of worms, a hat that makes you look like a worm, and a tiny hat that you could put on a worm. It turns out to be none of these: it's actually "Vurm Hatt", a scary German man who constantly chases Charlie in a biplane while shooting at him in his dreams.
• "The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods": "We can't eat the rabbit! He's got Frank's soul!"
  • Frank eats a dead crow and soon regrets it:
    "That's it, I'm done liking animals. This crow is eating me alive!"
  • This little comment from Charlie when Dennis tells him he's gonna lose all "their" money.
    Charlie: No, it's all of my money. You lost yours when you said no to the trucker.
  • When Dee sets the rabbit free, it's immediately snatched up by a hawk.
    Mac: "God... dammit."
    Dee: "Okay, nature's bullshit. I'm done with this."
• "A Very Sunny Christmas":
  • Charlie remembering the Santas that came to his house every Christmas morning to "cheer his mom up". Especially funny is the fact that the first Santa that Charlie meets is dressed in an elaborate and realistic costume and hands him a pretty and expensively wrapped present. From there, the following Santas gets progressively more and more unconvincing and lazy in their costume and choice of present for Charlie; one of them is just wearing a Christmas-themed scarf over his normal winter-clothes and gives him a present wrapped in newspaper, and the last two are just wearing red t-shirts and hand him a banana and a kickball.
    • Mac breaks the truth to Charlie about the Santas the only way he can:
      Mac: Based on that story you just told me, I'm fairly certain that those Santas were running a train on your mom for money.
      Charlie: N-no, dude! They would just give my mom money and go— (a bell inside Charlie's head tolls as he realizes that Mac is right)
  • Later in the episode, Charlie has an angry mental breakdown after realizing the truth about the Santas from his childhood, and seeing a Mall Santa. Charlie proceeds to make a beeline for said Santa, pushing away several kids as he does, before sitting down on his lap and giving him a Kubrick Stare:
    Mall Santa: Oh ho ho! You're a big boy aren't ya? (looks to Mac and briefly breaks character) Erm... is he retarded?
    (Mac just sort of shrugs)
    • Charlie then finally asks Santa the question that has been burning in the back of his mind all day:
      Mall Santa: So, son... (bops Charlie on his nose) What would you like for Christmas, huh?
      Charlie: ...Did you fuck my mom?
      Mall Santa: What?
      Charlie: Did you... fuck... my... mom?
      Mall Santa: (completely breaks character) What do you mean? Are you, uh—?
      Charlie: (with tears of rage in his eyes) Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus?
      Mall Santa: N-no, uh..
      Charlie: Did you fuck my mom?
      Mall Santa: No, I didn—
      Charlie: Did you fuck her?! Did you fuck MY FUCKING MOM?! DO YOU FUCK MY MOM, SANTA!?! (viciously bites the Mall Santa in his neck)
    • The rest of the scene devolves into anarchy, made ten times worse when Mac accidentally clotheslines a woman unconscious in front of her screaming kids. The entire mall is thrown into panic as Mac drags Charlie away - who is still ranting with a mouth full of blood.
  • Frank's near death experience vision, done In the Style of the old Rudolph Christmas special. Complete with full frontal elf nudity.
    Charlie: Why was the elf not wearing pants?
  • Dennis telling Frank to go fuck himself in his fat fucking ass as they leave his hospital room for tricking them.

Season 7

• In "Frank's Pretty Woman," Charlie vomits fake blood all over his date while acting as a Southern billionaire. We only find out why after the fact, so there's no proper setup for the gag at all (we see Charlie eating the blood capsules earlier, but he doesn't say what they are and any first-time viewer who notices will assume it's just candy) and it comes right the hell out of nowhere; the suddenness of it just makes the whole thing even funnier:
  Charlie: I THINK I'VE BEEN POISONED BY MY CONSTITUENTS!
  Frank: Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?
  • Earlier in the episode, when an overweight Mac enters the bar, the gang points out how bad he looks from his weight gain, culminating with an exasperated Dennis bluntly telling him "[Mac] look fat as shit".
• "The Gang Goes to the New Jersey Shore": "I'M SORRY, RUM HAM!"
  • When Frank tells Mac about the sign warning people of a toxic spill:
    Mac: Disregard that, Frank, it's a bunch of liberal bullshit.
  • Their reactions to seeing the two old bums having sex under the boardwalk, especially Charlie's.
  • After telling Charlie that Europe is on the other side of the ocean, the Gang have to firmly tell him to not try and swim to Europe.
• "Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties" is in a class all by itself.
  • Special mention goes to the scene where Frank instructs Charlie to write a song about how he does not "diddle" kids. Mac points out that singing a song of that nature is the fastest way to convince people you're guilty, but Frank doesn't listen and devises a tune:
    Frank: Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddling kids! Wouldn't do anyone, younger than my daughter—no little kids, gotta be big, bigger than my daughter!
    • The song is even funnier considering in Season Two, "Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom", Frank was checking out a waitress in the episode who was played by Danny DeVito's actual daughter.
    • Or considering that in "The Nightman Cometh" Dee also wrote a song about how she has never had sex with a child.
  • Frank decides that having a full makeup job is the perfect way to convince everyone he's on the up-and-up. The problem? He gets a mortician to do it, so he looks like a walking corpse (and the mortician himself seems half-alive; at one point he asks Frank if he can go the bathroom to "moisten his mouth"). The Gang argues that it looks bad, but Frank ignores them and describes how when he's dead, he'll be totally fine with people doing all manner of horribly graphic sexual acts on his body...all of which is broadcast over his microphone.
  • "People of Earth: prepare for the future of patriotism!"
• The entire final scene of "Sweet Dee Gets Audited", where the gang stages a baby funeral (or, as they call it, "The darkest thing they've ever done," though, given the show, it'll get worse), qualifies, from the botched Product Placement of "Wolf Cola" ("It's the right cola...for closure") to the moment where Dennis throws chili powder in Dee's eyes to simulate crying, to the moment where a dead dog found in the alley flops out of the "baby"'s casket.
  • Earlier on, Dee only helps Charlie and Mac after they agree to find a baby for her before the auditor arrives. They arrive late, barreling through the door with a screaming baby that they've kidnapped. It turns out that it wasn't a baby at all and was just a pair of crucifixes in a blanket.
  • "Barnabas Reynolds Jr. 2010-Too Soon."
  • The whole argument between Charlie and Mac about having a crucifix in Paddy's Pub.
    Charlie: I don't want a giant bloody man in the bar scaring the customers, and, most importantly, me!
• Reggie getting beaten half to death, shot and arrested in "Frank's Brother" every time he tries to be nice and forgiving and in the last case as he's trying to leave it all behind him and get on with his life.
• "The Storm of the Century": "The Spaniards banged the Mayans, turned them into Mexicans."
• Charlie and Dennis head over to a police sketch artist to find the guy who was rude to them in "The ANTI-Social Network" , but the detective won't let them leave until they clarify what crime had been committed. Charlie says that they got raped, and Dennis immediately has to try and play along. Charlie then proceeds to tell the officers that Dennis got the brunt of it and while Dennis tries to downplay it, Charlie keeps upping the ante, telling him that Dennis' insides were turned into soup and that his dick was bitten off. At one point, Charlie puts his head down because he couldn't stop laughing.
  • They turn to a caricature artist to find the guy. This is the result.◊
  • Frank's attempt at creating a viral video to advertise Paddy's Pub. He gets "viral" confused with "virus."
    So spread the word to all of your friends! At Paddy's Pub, you're guaranteed to catch a VIRUS!
• The entirety of "The Gang Gets Trapped" is the gang avoiding being caught With Cat Like Tread. Special mentions goes Frank bashing a voiced teddy bear, and hiding amongst a little girl's stuffed toys, and Charlie barreling into the twins' hiding place by going through the front door and looking into every closet until he found the one they were in.
• Mac warning the others to get out before the family finds them, fearing that they'll have them hung, drawn and quartered. While Charlie begs Mac to give him a chip because he's hungry. Mac denies him, saying he should have bought his own when they were at the store (Charlie wasn't hungry at the time).
• Mac insisting that he'll pose as a plumber with a ludicrous Swedish accent.
  • As soon as they're caught, Frank tries one desperate attempt to steal the vase using his whip. It shatters instantly.
• "Thunder Gun Express":
  No surrender, no surrender, no surre—[sees the cops] Oh... shit. I surrender!
  • Context: The gang is trying to reach a movie they want to see across town. At one point, Frank is left behind, so he commandeers a boat full of tourists by sneaking aboard and revving up the engine when the real captain steps off (he covers his tracks by claiming to be "Captain" Frank, as "Captain Tom turned out to be a GODDAMN JUNKIE!"). What follows is a bizarre blend of Frank pretending to give a tour ("It's a...big building...made out of brick...I don't know what the hell it is"), recapping past episodes, and describing his hobby of banging whores. Then he abandons the tourists on the side of the river and rushes out while chanting "no surrender, no surrender"—only to discover that the captain called the cops about the stolen boat. Frank immediately gives up.
  • Mac steals a motorcycle, only to wipeout before he's even able to reach five miles per hour.
  • Charlie and Dee take a shortcut through the sewer system while it's still dry. Dee gets her high-heel shoe stuck in a floor grate just as a rush of sewer water is about to flood the room. She makes it to the movie theater smelling like feces.
  • Out of spite, Frank uses his one phone call to falsely report a bomb threat at the movie theater, canceling the screening for everyone.
• In the finale of season 7, the gang go to their high school reunion, and perform "Plan B", an incredibly intricate and awesome dance number that really seems like a Moment of Awesome for the entire gang. Then it reveals that the entire dance was a drunken hallucination in their heads, and all they did was dance drunkenly and yell in front of their entire high school reunion.

Season 8

• In "Pop-Pop: The Final Solution", Charlie abruptly eating the nasty soup that Frank placed at Heinrich Landgraf's bedside.
  • Frank getting stuck in the window and the trunk, claiming it's booby-trapped.
    Dee: It's not booby-trapped, Frank. It's an open trunk, and you fell into it like a weeble wobble.
  • Charlie not looking at the big picture when it comes to the Hitler dog painting subplot:
    Charlie: I can't wait to get that painting back up on my wall. You know what I mean? That's what this is really all about when you think about it.
    Mac: No, that's not what this is about. This is about ripping open the fabric of historical fact and making a film about it starring Ryan Gosling as Mac.
• "The Gang Recycles Their Trash": Frank and Dee ripping off each others' clothes at the gay politician's office.
  • This line, when Dennis suggests tweaking Frank's plan:
    Dennis: Yeah, sure, in the 1950s, yeah, you could drive around door to door in a windowless van, and people didn't think they were gonna get raped. Now, th-they will think that.
  • Charlie tries to pull the same "cutting the brakes" move that he used in "The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis", but after he shouts "WILDCARD, BITCHES!" and jumps out the back, Dennis, Dee, and Mac reveal they were two steps ahead of him and re-attached the brakes.
• "The Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre": Pappy Ponderosa's spontaneous, deranged rambling is as funny as it is terrifying.
  Pappy Mcpoyle: ALL THE McPOYLES!! SPRUNG FROM MY LOINS!! FULLY FORMED!!! ONE OF THEM BABIES TRIED TO EAT ME! I ate him first! (Sobbing) I ATE HIM FIRST!!
  • How generally fucked up the entire Mcpoyle family acts. Even if they had ingested bath salts that doesn't explain the one Mcpoyle crawling around with her leg contorted behind her head screaming like a banshee.
• Charlie and Frank's game plan when they go to confront Mac and Dennis in "The Gang Dines Out".
  Charlie: I'll toss hot soup in their face.
  Frank: I'll pinch their dicks with this lobster.
• A lot of the arguments used in "Reynolds vs. Reynolds: The Cereal Defense", but especially the entire sequence where Mac tries to explain why evolution is a lie, for the sake of maintaining credibility. Special shout-outs go to the moments when Mac says that many smart people throughout history consistently disproved several of the theories of their intellectual predecessors and consequently made them "look like a bitch!" Note that this last part is complete with dramatically slapping a sticker that reads "Bitch" over pictures of them.
  • What makes it funnier that a lot of these theories were disproved with science.

Season 9

• "The Gang Broke Dee": The ending, where Dee is informed that the whole episode was a ruse and shouts "OH YOU SONS OF BITCHESSSSSS!!!" and starts tearing the place apart. Juxtaposes nicely with Mac, Dennis, Charlie, and Frank celebrating a job well done of getting her out of her depression.
• The 2nd song in "The Gang Tries Desperately to win an Award" when telling the guests to go fuck themselves.
  • The first time Charlie writes a song, the Gang expects it to be one of his usual pieces about "spiders and ghouls and rape", but it's an upbeat, Randy Newman style theme song for the type of innocuous sitcom bar they're trying to be. They still lock him in the basement. After spending the day down there with his muse (huffing paint), Charlie comes up to perform his song for the critics. The Gang expects the middle-of-the-road theme song to smooth things over and make them look likable, until they hear the new song:
  Charlie: There is a spider, spider, spider...
  (the gang's hopeful looks immediately fall away)
  Charlie: He's deep in my soul, soul, soul. He's been there for years, years, years. He just won't let go. He's laying around. He's got a mean bite. Now he's ready to fiiiiiiight! And stand up for what he loooooooves! I don't need your trophies or your gold, I just wanna tell you all, "go fuck yourselllllllllves!"
  Zee: Ooooh shit!
  • Then the Gang takes it as their cue to start literally spitting on the critics.
• "Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare" features the return of Da Maniac, who responds to Mac suddenly yelling during a timeshare pitch by standing up, hyperventilating, screaming and smashing a lamp against the wall. He explains his actions thusly: "Sometimes loud noises make the squirrels go in my head." The whole time, Ben the soldier is sitting next to him, smiling cluelessly.
  • Frank spends the entirety of the episode stuck in some kind of playground apparatus, in his underwear and a pair of Crocs. This is never explained.
  • The fact that Da Maniac - the guy who lives out of his car and, in his own words, has 'squirrels' in his head - ends up being the best salesman that the pyramid scheme has ever had.
  • When Mac and Dennis are asked if they've ever been to Florida, Mac responds: "Been there? Not physically."
  • The Gang all get the idea to trigger Ben the soldier's PTSD, only to find that he has none because he was never in combat. Ben's just calmly sitting up in his bed smiling along, dressed in an old-timey nightgown and cap, and giving a cheerful "Hey, you're here too!" gesture when Dee and Charlie burst in:
    Charlie: "Why'd you dress him up like Ebenezer Scrooge?
    Dennis: "He was actually dressed like that when we got here." *Ben shrugs* "He's clearly got some issues, I just don't know that PTSD is one of them."
• "Mac Day": Mac sets up a stunt on the bridge, and every driver passing by assumes he's going to commit suicide and egg him on.
  "Suicide is badass!"
• The ending of "The Gang Saves the Day". After all that fantasizing about saving the day, they all decide to shoplift some groceries while the cashier is being robbed.
  • Special mention goes to Frank's fantasy, which consists entirely of him running behind the counter to wolf down hot dogs while the rest of the Gang is shot to death offscreen.
• In the episode, "Flowers for Charlie", Charlie takes a medication that allows his intelligence to increase exponentially to the point where he starts putting together well thought out arguments in response to the gang's initial skepticism, learns Mandarin in an almost inhumanly short period of time, and starts working on an invention which is finally unveiled towards the end of the episode: a machine that allows spiders to talk with cats. As it turns out, the pill Charlie was given was simply a placebo. All the negative side effects he felt were simply imagined, the Mandarin he was supposedly conversing in was nothing more than complete gibberish, and his arrogance skyrocketed to the point where he not only began isolating himself from the gang, but he even fell out of love with the Waitress because he perceived her to be stupider than himself. Naturally, he goes back to being the "normal" Charlie shortly after this is revealed.
  “Stupid science bitch couldn’t make I more smarter!”
  "Our exploration into the effect of environment upon intelligence was, alas, a complete failure." Camera cuts to Charlie
  • Charlie's idea of presenting himself as a genius at a lecture? Adopting a British accent and buttoning the cuffs on his incredibly ragged army jacket.
  • Charlie's attempts at mathematical formulas.
  Charlie: (on video) ...plus nine equals box and that's where the cat goes.
  • Dee, Dennis, and Mac getting high off of gasoline while trying to catch a rat, and then watching old cartoons to figure out how the rat always outsmarts cats and other predators.
    Dennis: *dazed* "Yeah, see? The mouse always wins. There's... there's, like, no winning with mices."

Season 10

• "The Gang Beats Boggs": Dee is shown passed out on the baggage claim carousel at the airport.
  • The Running Gag with Dee mistaking Wade Boggs for Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard, so much so, she hallucinates the latter giving her a pep talk.
  • Dennis and Frank have a side-competition to see who can bang more girls before the plane lands. Dennis picks out a woman who he analyzes as being emotionally vulnerable, while Frank chooses a drug-addicted trailer park girl. Dennis' analysis ends up being wrong and he decides to make it with the trailer park girl, down in storage. Before they do it, the girl crushes up some pills and snorts the powder. Both Dennis and Mac's reactions are priceless.^note Mac was down there to retrieve the suitcase of beers he packed.
    • Frank's method, which is sitting in the bathroom and waiting for the girls to come to him.
  • Charlie's drunken incoherent babbling when Mac tells him he has to hit a home run to complete the challenge.
• Near the end of "The Gang Misses the Boat", Dennis is annoyed by Frank stealing his entrance, but has to take a moment anyway to acknowledge that his cheetah costume is actually pretty good.
  Dennis: What the hell are you doing, man?
  Frank: I'm stormin' in!
  Dennis: I was storming i— what are you, a man-cheetah?
  Frank: Yeah.
  Dennis: ...Cool.
  Frank: You like it?
  Dennis: Yes!
• "The Gang Group Dates". Frank coaches Mac and Charlie on how to seem normal during a date. After going over the list of subjects to avoid (creatine shits, snakes, smells, the Waitress, Jews, cowboys vs. teachers, Dago fishermen, creationism...) He decides they better start at square one, and he'll blow a whistle to "call" the date if they screw up:
  Frank: Let's keep things simple. Let's just start with our names... Hi, ladies. I'm Frak— Shit! (blows whistle)
• "Psycho Pete Returns": Mac and Charlie think their old "friend" needs to confess his sins to a priest, so they bring in Rickety Cricket. During which, Cricket can't stop mentioning getting raped on the streets or the sexual favors he does for drugs and beer.
  Cricket: Just keeps popping up.
  • Later during the confessional:
    Pete: Is that a gloryhole?
    Cricket: Yes, but if you want to unburden yourself in that way, it'll cost you a whole sixer.
• "The Gang Spies Like U.S.". The whole cream pie conversation between Charlie and Mac and Dennis, where Charlie thinks they are literal cream pies, as in the dessert, rather than the porn definition. Just, the whole goddamn thing. Mac's disgusted faces make the whole thing even funnier.
  • Frank comes to the conclusion that Mac and Dennis are trying to open a bakery as a front for a Chinese spy operation after finding “Asian cream pies” on their search history.
  • Dee reveals to the supervisor that she's a Caucasian woman, and whips her hair back, which gets caught in the conveyor belt. Then fish guts is dumped on her face. And then a worker runs over and takes a butcher knife to her hair. All this happens in only a few seconds.
  • When Charlie realizes that Dennis and Mac weren't talking about the same kind of "cream pies", he calls Frank to let him know. Frank is already in the middle of proposing a cream pie venture (as in the food) to the Chinese factory owner across the street, complete with a video - only for him to get the call about the different kind of "cream pie". He then searches it up on his computer with the factory owner next to him, with both of them being shocked by the search results. All the while, Dee is spying on the two through the office window while situation of a ladder, and not only also ends up being surprised by the search results, but said surprise causes her to fall off the ladder, onto the conveyer belt below, and then onto the floor.
  • The scene where Charlie plants a camera hidden in a flower bouquet in Dee's apartment with the help of Frank guiding his actions through an earpiece is absolutely hysterical from start to finish, with Mac and Dennis getting increasingly frustrated as they attempt to hurry him out the door and Charlie covering his tracks with such absurd claims that he's thinking of legally changing his name to Roger and also that there's a spider in his ear telling him what to do.
  Mac: Is it telling you to leave?!
  Charlie: ...spider, can I leave?
• "Charlie Work". Mac's hilariously meek approach of Dennis, which eventually led to Dennis scratching up Mac's face, as well as a real demonstration of how far his turn as "barely keeping it together psycho" has gone.
  "LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME! Oh shit, the steaks are here!"
  • Dennis wiping the bar and saying "All right, all right, all right..." every time the health inspector comes back into the main bar area.
• Mac's dad is at the risk of being executed, so Mac resolves to save his dad. Cue title card.
  "Mac Kills His Dad"
  • This episode marks the first time we see Maureen transitioning into a cat.
    Dennis: Where are your breasts?
    Maureen: Oh, they're in my face.
  • The whole scene where Dee, Dennis, and Frank go to talk to Bill's family was pure comedy gold (the family was so hostile and shameless to the point where the Reynolds were in shock).
    Emily Ponderosa: He called me too fat to be a slut and he tried to serve me an omelet with cocaine in it.
  • Mac and Charlie try interrogating their mothers, and Bonnie ends up revealing everything that happened on the night of the murder.
    Mac: Holy shit! Tell us more!
    Bonnie: Then Luther went in Eduardo's butt for a while.
    Mac: Tell us less. Tell us less.
• "The Gang Goes on a Family Fight": The question on the Family Feud-esque game show is "name an animal we eat but doesn't eat us".
  Dee: Well, Grant, I tell you what. I like to eat cock.
  Grant: (nervous) Whoa, no, no, no, no. We can't say... Lisa, are we gonna...?
  Dee: You see what I did there? It's a little double entendre type of thing. I was talkin' about chicken, but I said "cock".
  • Charlie’s answer is “dragons.” He’s correct.
    • Charlie believes that only kings eat dragons and that dragons only eat treasure.
  • On the first question, Frank guesses "pig", but takes it back because he graphically recounts the time he saw people being Fed to Pigs in Vietnam.
  • Dennis' pathetic meltdown on Family Fight caused by the "wrong answer" buzzer going off around him one too many times.
  • Charlie guessing "The Nightman" as something people are of afraid of... and being right.
    Grant: Nightman. Don't know what that is. Just don't know what it is...
    Dennis: What is happening?!
    • While it seems like Charlie gets all right answers because Strange Minds Think Alike, it turns out it was really because he was the weirdo who participated in the survey.
  • To look better on television, Dee doesn't eat for three days straight and smuggles in a keychain that plays fart noises to be more spontaneous. She faints in the middle of a question and falls keychain-first on the floor, making it look like she farted herself unconscious. Over and over.
    Mac: "That's about as low-brow as it gets."
    Charlie: "Yeah, Dennis isn't gonna like that."
    Frank: *laughing* "It's pretty funny, though."
  • Keegan-Michael Key sells the host Grant's mounting frustration with the Gang beautifully, at one point pounding on the podium and shouting "GOD DAMMIT!!" when the competing family misses an answer, forcing him to approach the Gang once again for their chance to steal.

Season 11

• In "Dee Made A Smut Film", Charlie's one episode obsession with Richard Grieco and the word 'hella'.
  • Dee insisting it wasn't a smut film, undercut by the film's dialogue.
    "Gobble that cock."
  • Dennis thinking Fifty Shades of Grey was written by a man during his pitch to have his erotic memoir adapted to film.
  • Frank goes in disguise as an avant-garde art critic to ruin the artistic integrity of the gallery owner's artwork. His plan is to wear a black turtleneck and an absolutely ridiculous Andy Warhol wig, adopting the name "Ongo Gablogian."
    Mac: Frank. Play. It. Subtle.
    Frank: [whispers] Subtle.
    [cuts to Frank walking into the art gallery while being as non-subtle as possible] Hello!
  • Ongo's one word critiques: "Bullshit. Bull...shit. Derivative."
  • Frank falling in love with the abstract painting made by a World War II refugee, staring at it as images of both children playing and archive footage of Nazi Germany rapidly flash through his head.
  • Dennis explaining that his "erotic memoirs" were about himself as a young man falling in love with a beautiful librarian. It turns out that the librarian was an old woman who looked like Rick Moranis that actually the librarian of his middle school. When he was fourteen. Dee ends up having to make a slideshow just to prove how vile Dennis' experience actually was.
• The Twist Ending from "Frank Falls out the Window." The 8 million dollar check was signed for 2006.
  • After Frank suffers from amnesia from his fall out of the window, Charlie somehow gets the idea that it's a time portal and tries to defenestrate The Waitress so they could "start over."
  Frank: My head is fine!
  [He gleefully turns around and reveals a massive open gash on the back of his head; Dee makes a guttural shriek of horror while everyone else is appalled]
  Mac: Oh, my god! OH, MY GOD! That's horrific!
  Charlie: Oh shit! It's bad, right?!
  Dee: I SEE SKULL!
• "The Gang Hits the Slopes":
  • "MY ANKLES ARE BROKEN!!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!! MY ANKLES ARE BROKEN FOR SURE!!!!"
• Most everything about "Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs":
  • The shocking revelation that Mac's famous homemade macaroni and cheese was actually store-bought Kraft Mac and Cheese.
    Dennis: "(Opens the closet and sees an avalanche of Kraft macaroni boxes spill onto the floor, staring Mac dead in the eyes) Tell me about Mac's world-famous mac and cheese.
  • "You ever been in a storm, Wally? I mean a real storm. Not a thunderstorm but a storm of fists raining down on your head, blasting you in the face, pummeling you in the stomach, hitting you in the chest so hard you think your heart's gonna stop. You ever been in a storm like that, Wally?"
    Dennis: (beat, demonic roar)
  • The entire montage of Mac and Dennis trying to get used to Suburban life, only to crack even further. All set to "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Made even funnier when it ends by smash cutting to Dennis Jr's grave (A dog that Dennis got for Mac that died due to Mac not being feeding him).
    • The brief moment where Dennis calmly picks up his serving of Mac's Famous Mac & Cheese (which Mac is evidently serving for breakfast) and flings it down the hallway like a frisbee.
  • As Mac and Dennis break entirely, the alarm that has been going in the house throughout the episode goes off again, leading to a glorious bit of hamming it up from Dennis.
    Mac: There's that chirping again! How are you not hearing this?
    Dennis: NEWSFLASH, ASSHOLE!! I'VE BEEN HEARING IT THE ENTIRE GOD-DAMN TIME!
    Mac: THEN WHY WOULDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING!?
    Dennis: BECAUSE I HAAAAAAAAATE YOOOOOOOOOU!!!
  • The ending of the same episode. Frank honors his deal to give Mac and Dennis free rent... for the house that drove both of them Ax-Crazy. Rather than spend the rest of the year in that house, the guys agree to spend the rest of the year sleeping in a bed with Dee and an old black man, much the former's clear displeasure.
• Uncle Jack's giant hands in "McPoyle vs. Ponderosa: The Trial of the Century". The ones he's always had.
  • This culminates in him duct taping his hands off his wrists after they accidentally fly off. He squeals "Nobody Look!" while he desperately retrieves it.
  • Margaret Ponderosa lasciviously licking her lips when Mac brings up the time they had sex in the pub's restroom.
  • Dee storming into the courtroom and declaring the Lawyer is a liar because he's a Jew, only to realize how bad that sounds. ^note She believed the Lawyer was a liar because he claimed not be Jewish, but had a great-grandparent named Abramowicz, so he's lying about his Jewish heritage.
  • Charlie thinks that ornithologists can talk to birds.
  • Pappy commands the pocono swallow under his hat to peck out the Lawyer's eye. Which it does. Chaos ensues.
  Pappy: BRING ME HIS EYE!
  • Maureen Ponderosa continuing her transition into a cat. She's now got ears, a tail and glowing green eyes.
  • The judge, infuriated by the gang’s Courtroom Antics, dismisses the case...only to find that the next case is against Paddy’s Pub.
  Judge: “Oh HELL NO!”
• "Charlie Catches a Leprechaun", on Charlie wanting to dye the drinks... with paint.
  Mac: But why not just use food coloring for the beer?
  Charlie: Uh, 'cause beer's not a food. When was the last time you ate a beer?
  Mac: When was the last time you drank paint?
  Charlie: (doesn't respond)
  Mac: ...Have you been drinking paint?
  Charlie: ...No?
  Mac: Let me see your tongue. (Charlie shows off his green tongue) Oh, my God, dude! Oh, that shit's just disgusting!
  Charlie: It's not bad.
  Mac: You... you can't drink paint!
  Charlie: I know. I hear you, I hear you.
  Mac: You say that, but I don't think that you're gonna stop!
  • When Mac reminds him that they weren't going to try and capture a leprechaun, Charlie goes down into the basement while giving empty half-responses, leaving Mac with "but I hear ya, I hear ya, it's a frustrating thing, it's like the guy doesn't listen to us, man, we try to get through to him..."
• The sub-plot which involves Dennis, Dee, and Frank trying to make a mobile Paddy's Pub. Needless to say, it doesn't go very well and they end up robbing the customers and leaving them outside of the city.
  • Two girls beg Dennis to not put their picture on his "weird website". Dennis casually declares that if they don't start smiling, they will end up on "the weird one".
  • "We drove the snakes out of Philly."
• Mac and Charlie wishes for they had a hose to torture their supposed leprechaun. To their surprise, they find one and they conclude that they have three wishes and that they need to be very careful about their next two.
  Mac: I wish I could live forever!
  Charlie: What are you doing? I wish you don't!
  Mac: NO! Why did you do that?
  Charlie: Why did you that?
  Mac: Why didn't just say "I wish I could live forever too?"
  Charlie: And live forever with you?
  • The whole conversation about St. Patrick and the Pied Piper.
    Mac: No, Dennis. If we want to make money, we need to honor ancient Irish traditions; like serving an irresponsible amount of booze to people who are genetically predisposed to having alcohol problems. You see, St. Patrick started that tradition, and that's why we celebrate him today.
    Charlie: No, that's not what he did. No, he played the flute for some kids and then he lured them into a cave somewhere and he diddled them.
    Frank: Nah, you got him mixed up with the Pied Piper.
    Dee: Right.
    Frank: St. Patrick didn't play the flute. He drove the kids out of Ireland... and then he molested them.
    Mac: No no, if St. Patrick molested kids, he would be regarded as a scoundrel.
    Dee: No no no, I feel like in the olden days, pedophiles were regarded as heroes.
    Dennis: Ah ah alright, look. St. Patrick didn't do any of that shit. He drove the snakes out of Ireland.
  • Charlie drinking paint and dancing like Mr. Blonde before torturing the leprechaun with a straight razor.
    • He doesn't get to, though, because the gang interrupts him. Everyone's reactions to the whole scene are gold.
      Dennis: It looks like you've tied a little person to a chair, and you're gonna torture him.
      Charlie: No, I've tied a leprechaun to a chair. And yeah, I was gonna cut him to pieces.
  • At the end, the "leprechaun" flies off into the sky, trailing a rainbow. Which was seen by Charlie, happily drinking paint.
• On "The Gang Goes to Hell, part 1": After Mac discovers that the two Christians who convinced him to go on the cruise are gay, Mac realizes that he can convert them to be straight. The two Christian men turn it around by noting that Mac is very clearly acting this way because he's in the closet. Mac retorts that there's "no way they can convert him to their lifestyle." Five minutes later:
  Mac: Well, I'm gay.
  Dennis: Yeah.
  Dee: No shit.
  Mac: Oh, you guys knew this already?
  Dennis: That you were gay?
  Frank: From the day we met.
  (the Gang agree that they already knew)
  • Charlie dressed as Gilligan from Gilligan's Island
  • Frank's insistence that the captain is drunk or going to get drunk.
    • Made better when the captain takes their boat fuel and orange juice concoction. His tone of voice and mannerisms suggest that he's going to drink it.
  • Frank and Charlie bursting into the control room after getting wasted on "torpedo juice."
  • Dee punching the cruise magician (who turns out to be the woman who stole her seat on the deck).
• "The Gang Goes to Hell, Part 2":
  • The gang gets sucked into an argument about what noise ship engines make, complete with each of them doing ridiculous impressions of what they think the sound is. This goes on for over four hours, at the end of which Dennis remarks that, on the bright side, they've cut their conflict resolution time in half.
  • "OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI, OI!"
  • While building a human pyramid to reach the door:
    Dennis: Yes, Mac, a human pyramid. All right, you and I will be the bottoms.
    Mac: Why, 'cause I'm gay?!
    Dennis: Not because you're gay, dumbass! Because we're the strongest.
    Mac: Okay, I'll be a bottom now, but in real life, just to be clear, I'm gonna be a top.
    Dennis: Okay, fine, when you're having gay sex, you can be on the top!

Season 12

• "The Gang Turns Black":
  • While The Gang woke up black to everyone but themselves, they try to find out what movie they are living in.
  • When they have to sing, they also realize they have to dance as well. Charlie has no idea what he’s doing with his hand, and Dennis does a swishy hip wriggle that makes him and everyone else uncomfortable.
  • When Mac finds that his counterpart has no money in his pants, he concludes that the lesson is "black people are poor." When Charlie finds $25 in his pants, he concludes that black people are rich.
  • Dennis, Charlie, and Mac try to get into Dennis's car when Dennis doesn't have his keys due to "being in someone else's body." Then the cops show up and arrest them when they talk to them.
  • Frank's song about being able to say words like "homie," "bro," "my man," "fo'sho," and of course, the N word.
  • Charlie talks about letting him speak to the cops and pulls out a toy train. The cops shoot him immediately, then they start singing "We Just Learned a Lesson."
• "The Gang Go To A Water Park":
  • Mac and Dee go on the water slide they used to ride on 20 years ago. Predictably, Mac and Dee get stuck, along with everyone else who rides on the slide.
    • At one point, a kid passes out in the slide and the two decide to let him pass through and we (and the lifeguard) watch his limp body sink to the bottom of the pool. Yeah, they just casually killed a kid.
  • When Charlie and Frank hear about how a kid could cut through the line because he has leukemia, they pretend that Frank has AIDS.
    • In order to really sell Frank's "condition," Charlie gives him some well placed hickeys.
    • For whatever reason, Charlie is really intent in making sure everyone thinks Frank got AIDS by being a gay in the 80's, despite Frank saying it isn't.
      Frank: There are two kinds of AIDS, the needle-based AIDS and the vagina aids. I'm a vagina guy.
  • Frank and Charlie trespass into a Thunder Gun Water ride. Then Charlie pours a bottle of drinking water into the dry slide while Frank rides down. The results are what you expect.
    Lifeguard: (casually blows his whistle while reading a porn magazine) AIDS. Everybody out.
• "Wolf Cola: A Public Relations Nightmare":
  • Frank's reaction to his soda being the official drink of not Boca Raton^note A city on the coast of Florida, but Boko Haram^note A terrorist organization.
    Frank: Whoops.
  • The reason why UFC fighters love Fight Milk? It causes them to shit and puke a lot, making them lose weight.
    "Aw, man, I just puked on my dick!"
  • The two segments that Frank, Dennis, and Dee go on to defend themselves about Wolf Cola. The first time went south due to Frank saying how Boko Haram is not as bad as Al-Qaeda or ISIS. The second time had Dennis go on a tangent about how he hates dogs and should be able to eat fried dogs if people could eat fried chicken.
    • The twitter responses for both segments are also humorous.
    • If you watch closely, when Dennis talks about eating dogs and fried dogs, Frank and Dee leave him there while he was talking.
  • As it turns out, Fight Milk has a lot of banned substances and is now the target of the news. Dennis states how this is the good part of the 24 hour news channel, until the news reporter states that Fight Milk is made by Frank's Fluids.
• "Making Dennis Reynolds a Murderer":
  • The recording of Dennis struggling to get Charlie to be his alibi when the latter is far too distracted watching television to make a coherent conversation. Words do not do it justice.
    • Even better with the implication that he was high on cat tranquilizers during that call, too.
  • During interrogation, Charlie says some very incriminating things about Dennis. The investigator has a fit when he finds out that Charlie's been on cat tranquilizers the entire time, making everything he just said unusable in a court of law.
  • Dennis' secret record of drunk Frank:
    Frank: Cats... I'll tell you what to do with cats. Here's what you do with cats. Back at the sweatshop in 'Nam... We found a cat? We'd toss it right in the soup! Those hungry bastards ate cat-soup every day! What's the worst thing that could happen? Some little kid choke on a hairball and die? So, you toss him in the soup! I was making money, hand over foot! Literally! Someone lost a hand or a foot? I'd toss it in the soup!
    • After watching the recording of him drunkenly confessing, Frank excuses himself from the interview and then tries to make a run for it, but forgets to unclip his microphone in his hurry:
      Frank: (sighs deeply) There it is. You're caught. You're caught. Keep your cool, Frank. You destroyed all the evidence! ...Better not risk it. (waves a taxi over) Hello! Cabbie! (gets in the taxi)
      Cab driver: Where you headed?
      Frank: Paddy's Pub, please! I'm running away from an interview because I just got busted saying a lot of illegal stuff I definitely did.
      Cab driver: Oh, wow! What kind of illegal stuff?
      Frank: It was like... You know, sweat shop stuff in Vietnam, like feeding people to people, shit like that.
      Cab driver: You kill 'em?
      Frank: Not directly, but you could make a case that the conditions didn't do them any favors.
  • The Reveal at the end of the episode: the whole documentary was made by Mac and Charlie... and it's highly inaccurate, as the real case was open-and-shut with video evidence of Maureen simply falling off a roof by herself and Dennis wasn't even considered a suspect. They insist they're just saving that for a shocking twist in the last episode.
• "Hero Or Hate Crime?":
  • Frank has mirrors on his shoes, to look up women's skirts.
  • Both times when the arbitrator states on how they will judge or ask the Gang to be civil, they switch arbitrators.
  • When asked about what Frank would say to the arbitrator if he was going to save her life:
    Frank: Well...I suppose...
    Charlie: Nigger?
    Everyone except Charlie: Woah, woah (they criticize Charlie for saying the N-Word)
  • The conflict of the episode started when Frank called Mac a slur while warning him of a piano that was about to fall. Frank's warning allowed Charlie to save Mac by kicking him out of the way, leaving a footprint made of dog shit on his shirt. Now, Frank believes he should get the unscratched lottery ticket that Mac found. Mac disagrees however, as Frank called him a slur. So, they go to an arbitrator to figure out who should get it. During which, the Gang all tell their stories and argue why they should get it. ^note (The ticket belonged to Dee, but was bought with Dennis' money. Mac found it after the wind blew it out of Dee's purse, and both Frank and Charlie believe they should get it for saving Mac's life.)
  • When Charlie admits to voluntarily stepping in the dog shit, we get this comedy gold as he explains why:
    Charlie: I voluntarily stepped in the dog shit, so I would smell... of dog shit. Happy?
    Dennis: Less happy.
    Dee: How could we be happy?
    Charlie: I was trying to cover up the smell of the skunk that I let spray me, so that there would be no questions.
    Dennis: Well, now I have more questions.
    Dee: Of course you do.
    Mac: Like, why would you let a skunk spray you?
    Charlie: To cover up the smell of cologne, man.
    Dennis: Oh my god.. You know what, go to the beginning. Start with the first smell. The first smell that begat all the other smells!
    Charlie: THE FIRST SMELL WAS CIGARETTES! I'VE BEEN SMOKING WITH DEE! Alright, fine. I said it.
    Dennis: Oh, oh, okay. So right, you thought we'd care about the smell of cigarettes? But not of skunk or dog shit?!
  • After that, Charlie reveals that he brought the shirt Mac was wearing when he kicked him. Everyone is repulsed, while Charlie thinks the shoe print on the shirt is proof why he should get the ticket.
    "If the shit-shoe's a matcher, Charlie gets the scratcher!"
  • When Mac shows his bike, Dee has this response:
    Dee: Yeah, what it looks like is that you are fucking yourself with a dildo bike.
  • Frank's reaction:
    Frank: This is grotesque.
• "Dennis' Double Life":
  • Dennis has been tricking a woman into thinking his name is actually Brian. Mac slips up at one point and his attempt to cover it up is hilarious.
    Mac: Brian is his name, Dennis is his sex slave name. He's my gimp.
  • Earlier in the episode, when trying to iron out his backstory with the gang, Charlie asks whether or not his alias is left or right-handed. Dennis wants Charlie to focus because it won't come up. The moment he gets a chance to speak, he immediately calls Dennis left-handed.
  • When Dennis is executing his plan to trick Mandy into thinking he's died right in front of him, he pretends to get shot by a sniper. The problem is, he starts bleeding before the gunshot.
    • Not to mention the acting for that fake shooting; it's so horrendously bad and cringeworthy that it's hilarious.

Season 13

• "The Gang Makes America Great Again."
  • Mac orders a sex doll that looks exactly like Dennis. It's so lifelike and versatile that it ends up being used as a tuba.
• "Time's Up For The Gang."
  • To get Paddy's Pub taken off a list of bars that are sexually hostile to women, the gang attends a seminar about inappropriate behavior in the workplace. And then casually demonstrates just how criminally problematic they have been for years.
  • The speaker says that some states like Nevada are considering dropping the statute of limitations for sexual misconduct entirely. Frank, sweating bullets, leaves the room to "make some calls."
  • The Reveal that both the list and the seminar were arranged by Dennis just so the gang would listen to him for once.
• "The Gang Gets New Wheels"
  • Dee's [1] towards Karen, along with the following rant of how she'll get back at her while getting a massage.
  • Mac and Charlie's curb-stomping of the child bullies who stole one of their bikes.
• "The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem":
  • Frank keeps offering Dennis Unwanted Assistance in the form of outrageously bigoted comments that technically back up Dennis' argument. It comes to a peak when he suggests that, based on the Constitution, white landowners should get a full bathroom and everyone else should get three-fifths of one.
    Dennis: I beg you to stop using the Constitution in the way that you're using it.
  • Charlie attempts to strangle Mac for saying that ghouls don't exist, and the only part that Mac takes issue with is the fact that Charlie called him a twink when he's clearly a bear.
    Charlie: You wish you were a bear!
  • The guys' Hypocritical Humor in arguing about equality, tolerance, and treating people well while simultaneously telling Dee to shut the fuck up and let the men talk every time she tries to comment.

Season 14

• "The Gang Chokes":
  • The rest of the Gang doing nothing but watch while Frank chokes on his food, with their expressions ranging from apathy to excitement.
• "The Janitor Always Mops Twice."
  • The entire premise: a day in the life of Charlie Kelly in the style of a Film Noir mystery.
  • Frank's "diarrhea poisoning."
  • Dee's constant breaking of character to explain to Charlie that she's not a "goon."

Season 15

• "2020: A Year in Review"
  • Mac and Dennis working as security at a voting ballet, asking random voters who is the better athlete: Donovan Mc Nabb or Rocky Balboa.
  • Charlie and Dee's business ventures in making masks during the pandemic, with Charlie yelling at Dee about "the pelts" to continue making the masks and continuously calling her a bitch when she is confused.
  • Back to present day, Dee has an annoyed over-it frown on her face as Charlie is explaining the story and how he normally doesn't call Dee a bitch since it's more of Dennis who calls her a bitch. Cue Dennis promptly calling his sister a bitch right across from the bar.
• "The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 7."
  • Because of the blackface problem in their previous attempt at making a Lethal Weapon movie, the gang makes the wise movie to cast an actual black man as Murtaugh. They also make the unwise move of casting Pepper Jack, an ill-tempered pimp, as Murtaugh.
  • Charlie butchering all of his lines.
  • The greenscreen effects are so poorly set up by the gang that you can see their corners.
• "The Gang Replaces Dee With A Monkey."
  • Charlie not understanding that all states have more than one city.
  • Dee getting really close to transforming her acting class into a kind of cult.
  • When the guys try to decide where to go for their vacation, Dennis has the idea to have everyone write down their favored destination on paper, and then pick one of them out of bowl. Unfortunately, Charlie and Mac both misundertand the assignment and just write down a color.
• Mac not being bothered that there was a possibility that the monkey orally raped him, instead being amused and aroused. Unlike Charlie and Dennis, who promptly vomit upon the revelation.
• "The Gang Goes to Ireland"
  • Mac's call with his mother where he finds out he (allegedly) isn't Irish:
  Mac: Do you have any information on Dad or our heritage?
  Mrs. Mac: No.
  Mac: What do you mean, 'no'?
  Mrs. Mac: You're not Irish.
  Mac: I'm not Irish?!
  Mrs. Mac: Yeah.
  Mac: Are you joking?
  Mrs. Mac: Nope.
  Mac: Wh— my last name is McDonald!
  Mrs. Mac: No.
  Mac: Are you telling me that Dad changed his last name?
  Mrs. Mac: Yep.
  Mac: What's Dad's last name?
  Mrs. Mac: Vandross.
  Mac: Dad's name is Luther Vandross? Are you messing with me?!
  Mrs. Mac: No.
  Mac: Are you Irish?
  Mrs. Mac: [unintelligible groan]
  Mac: What're you?
  Mrs. Mac: Dutch.
  Mac: What's Dad?!
  Mrs. Mac: Dutch.
  Mac: Am I Dutch?!
  (Beat)
  Mrs. Mac: Yeah.
  • And then, of course, it turns out he's not actually Dutch and the Gang paid Mrs. Mac in cigarettes to trick him so he wouldn't be so annoying about his Irish heritage.
• "The Gang is Still in Ireland"
  • As part of Mac's priest training he is assigned to work with another priest. The first candidate is an absolute Hunk who looks like Jesus Christ and even gets a Shaking Her Hair Loose in his introduction. Mac wisely declines and picks another priest himself.
• "Dee Gets Stuck in a Bog"
  • The opening shows Dee using stew to wake up Dennis, just like the first two openings. She uses the aromas......before changing her mind and immediately splashing the steaming hot soup into his face.
  • In possibly the show's most disgusting moment, Frank invites Charlie and his father over for dinner and serves Charlie's father some soup with meatballs. Charlie suspects Frank pooped in the soup and orders Frank to eat one of the "meatballs" himself. Frank very slowly puts one of the meatballs in his mouth and chews, before spitting out the poop in disgust when Charlie tells him to swallow.

Season 16

• "The Gang Inflates."
  • Dennis and Mac have been renting their couch for years.
  • Frank exploits Dennis and Mac's lack of understanding of economics and finance to convince them to trade a dollar for 50 cents.
  • Charlie's apartment had a bathroom and a second room, and he has been hiding that from the rest of the Gang for no reason.
  • Throughout the episode, Dee tries to glue herself to things in protest. After glueing herself to Charlie's apartment, she asks him to free her so she can use the new bathroom. He refuses but does agree to glue a pillow on the wall next to her head as to not be a bad host.
  • Charlie finally wins the gang over with his "money talk" by promising a "big pile of green". Cut to Paddy's, and said "green" are a box of 32-year old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies, to the horror of Dennis and Dee. Then Frank offers to buy them after asking Charlie if they contain "real turtle".
  • Charlie eating one of the pies. It crumbles into pieces after the first bite and Charlie, who mind you, drinks paint and eats chalk and newspapers, starts loudly throwing up the rancid pastry.
  • The final scene where Mac's nut allergy had gotten bad to the point where half his face is swollen once he's finished with the nuts. And the best part? He still wants more nuts.
• "Frank Shoots Every Member of the Gang"
  • Frank's progressive Flanderization over the past seventeen years has him somewhat have the mental capacity of a dog, such as moments like pissing with his leg up on a fire hydrant and eating his food like a canine.
• "Celebrity Booze: The Ultimate Cash Grab"
  • Even though the episode features Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul guest starring as themselves, at no point is Breaking Bad referenced. Instead, the Gang constantly namedrops Malcolm in the Middle, with them mistaking Paul for Frankie Muniz.
• "Dennis Takes A Mental Health Day"
  • Dennis ripping out a man's heart is as funny as it is horrifying.