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"Can you help me find my normal eyes?"
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The Infinity Train contains infinite possibilities of cars with wacky scenarios, so you can expect a few things to make you laugh.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.


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Book One

    "The Grid Car" 
  • Tulip and Mikayla's first conversation.
    Tulip: What are you gonna do while I'm at game design camp? Die of boredom, probably?
    Mikayla: Ugh, yes! Way to abandon me in my time of need.
  • As Tulip and Mikayla are walking from the bus, Tulip is munching on an onion similarly to how most people eat apples. Mikayla even jokes that the camp won't like Tulip stinking up the whole state with her onion breath.
    Tulip: Hey, it's not my fault I have a sophisticated palate.
    Mikayla: You have a gross palate.
  • Tulip pretending to have a conversation with the Coding is Cool guy on her book cover. She calls his mustache a ferret he needs removed from his face.
  • After Tulip wakes up from entering the train, she starts talking to herself.
    Tulip: Ugh. What the... D'aah! Did I just hallucinate a train station? Well, that's... boring. "Tulip, we missed you at game design camp!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't quite make it because I decided to fall asleep in a field and dream about outdated modes of transportation!"
  • Tulip hitting One-One and activating the robot. They both then spend a moment screaming at each other.
    Glad-One: Are you my mum?
    Tulip: What? What? Am I what?
    Glad-One: Are you my mum?
    Tulip: No!
    Sad-One: [monotone] So you've come to bring me the sweet release of death?
    Tulip: Also, no?
    • One-One talks about how he's looking for his mom, but isn't sure if she's large or small.
      Glad-One: I'm looking for my mother. I don't know what she looks like, though. She might be large.
      Sad-One: Or small, like a nurturing bagel. Are you looking for your bagel mother, too?
  • Tulip gets annoyed at One-One's questions and asks him to go back to being a snowman, or whatever he is.
    Sad-One: [giddy] Oh my gosh, what am I?
  • The group comes across a door and Sad-One's solution?
    Sad-One: The only way out is through hypothermia.
    • One-One is more surprised that Tulip can reach doorknobs than the fact that she solved what he thought was an impossible puzzle.
  • Tulip gets excited at the possibilities of what's in the other train cars and excitedly dashes off.
    Sad-One: You'll probably be disappointed. [they come to a seemingly empty train car] Called it.
  • One-One tells Tulip his name, and she admits that it's weird. Unlike her name, which she then lampshades.
    Tulip: Unlike my name, which is Tulip and is perfectly normal.
  • Tulip gets chased by roach dogs and One-One is singing "Yakety Sax" as she runs.
    Tulip: What song are you singing?!
    Sad-One: It's a wacky "getting chased" song.
    Glad-One: I made it up!
  • One-One ends up making a house when Tulip asks for a wall as she runs from the roach-dog.
    Glad-One: It's more of a house, instead of a wall.
    Sad-One: Do you want me to start over? I'll just start over.
    Tulip: NO! Don't start over!

    "The Beach Car" 
  • Tulip going through the different train cars. One has a bunch of things with gnome heads and bears that shoot arrow spells out of their eyes. And they chase Tulip repeating the word "spells". (Officially, they're the Gnome-Wizards.)
    • In a pinball machine-like car, Sad-One nudges his ball in the opposite direction towards what he thinks is the gutter.
      Sad-One: This is where I belong.
  • The cat offering Randall a pipe that they rebrand as a "doughnut holer". She demonstrates this by punching a hole in a hat and a piece of paper.
  • Tulip quickly going through her backstory to the cat.
  • Sad-One's reaction to Tulip trading the flower he gave her:
    Sad-One: My mechanical heart breaks again, I hope the warranty's still good.
  • As Tulip realizes the mistake she made of giving One-One to the cat, she bargains with the multiple Randalls that she will buy his donut holer if he helps her.
    Randall: Hop into my body! It's not as weird as it sounds.
  • When Randall gets into The Cat’s shuttlecraft by splitting himself up and slipping through the cracks, all the tiny Randalls immediately start throwing sales pitches at her.
    Tulip: Randall can you slip through the cracks?
    Randall: "Slip through the cracks" is my middle name. Randall Slip Through the Cracks Randall.

    "The Corgi Car" 
  • Tulip quickly passing by all the other cars and ignoring the occupants. Even telling a skeleton who asks if she can spare a moment replies with, "No time!"
    Skeleton: You're telling me? I'm dead!
  • The corgi whose job it is to blow the royal horn apparently just likes to blow it whenever he gets a chance.
  • Ugly Irwin, who's actually a large dog with flowing hair, but Atticus shows disgust at.
  • Sad-One glumly telling a corgi enjoying his sunbathing that one day the sun will eventually explode and disappear. So he advises the dog to enjoy it while he still can. The dog quietly slips away with his ears back.
  • Glad-One hops outside the door to see if he's still in danger, leading to Sad-One getting out paper and a pencil.
    Sad-One: I guess I should start writing his obituary...
    Atticus: Awfully morbid little thing, aren't you?
    Sad-One: Yes.
  • Apparently even sentient corgis still refuse to go outside without someone holding the door and asking "Outside? Outside?" repeatedly.
    Tulip: We're not doing this for every door!
  • Atticus begging Tulip for her help, and admitting he doesn't like doing it, unless for a tasty-tasty treat.
    • Before walking through the stream, he also warns Tulip that the corgis are a proud people and hate being picked up. Tulip asks why he had to warn her about that, and Gilligan Cut to Atticus squirming in her arms as she quickly trudges through the water and yelling at him to stop wiggling.
  • Sad-One is disappointed that Atticus survived the encounter with the Steward.
    Sad-One: I'll just keep your obituary on file.
  • Tulip asks Atticus how to get the door to open and writes it down. Atticus instructs Tulip to get to the handle, and then twist the knob.
    Tulip: (Beat) That's how all doors work!
    Atticus: My people have been working on this technology for decades.
    • The fact that corgis have spent that long of time to figure out doorknobs.

    "The Crystal Car" 
  • Glad-One refers to the Steward, only for Tulip to correct him and start this interaction.
    Tulip: One-One, that thing wasn't your friend.
    Glad-One: Gasp! Goodness! Was it my mum?
    Tulip: It was trying to hurt us.
    Sad-One: [*Beat*] ...the question stands...
  • Tulip is momentarily disgusted that a crystal bird pooped on her, but then is fascinated by the crystal poop.
  • One-One's misinterpretation of the crystal man's instructions.
    Glad-One: Eat some air!
    Sad-One: Eating air makes me burpy.
    Tulip: I don't think you can breathe.
    Sad-One: You never take my psychosomatic conditions seriously.
  • One of the many songs Tulip tries singing is a parody of "My Heart Will Go On", from a version of Titanic (1997) that was apparently about the Hindenburg disaster.
  • One-One tries "singing" that's just making dial-up modem noises.
    Sad-One: (beat) Connection failed.
  • The list of the types of songs Tulip listed out were a variety of love songs, and then "celebrities singing to draw attention to important social issues (?)"
  • The montage reel itself. Tulip gets increasingly exasperated as sings various songs she thinks could be emotional. It's especially hilarious since Tulip is painfully off-key.
  • Atticus's "song" is a spoken ballad about two brothers that goes on for a very, very long time. Once finished, he claims it cannot be abridged.
  • Tulip is mortified when the song that unlocks the door is a song her family used to sing along to on car trips: "Word Up" by Cameo.
    • As the music starts, the whistling noise at the beginning of the song is seen performed by two crystal birds.
  • The door out of the crystal forest is unlocked by a massive crystal giant who pulls the replacement staircase out of his mouth, then unlocks the door with a key that's so comically small compared to his body that it's a wonder he can turn it.
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    "The Cat's Car" 
  • The group decide to ignore The Cat and continue on to the next car.
    Glad-One: Good-bye, former kidnapper!
    Sad-One: I miss you already and it's emotionally confusing...
  • This is a major Wham Episode, chock-full of Nightmare Fuel. However, the scene of Tulip hallucinating Atticus as a commercial spokesperson (who is fully anthropomorphized, for some reason), with One-One as an actor (wearing female clothes and a wig) provides some well-needed levity.
  • At the very beginning of the episode, Tulip thanks a team of baseball-playing dinosaurs and says they will never forget them. Only to immediately state that she already forgot their names, once the door is closed.
  • It turns out that, without the Nostalgia Filter, the dolphin show she saw with her parents actually involved a sickly dolphin tiredly swimming through a hoop in a filthy marine park on a dreary day.
    Tulip: Oh, so that's why they closed DolphWorld.
  • What isn't funny: Tulip's Nightmare Sequence of how she wants to remember her parents getting divorced. What is - a Hell Hound being part of the vision... played by Ugly Irwin.
  • After getting out of the tape and realizing the cat tricked her, Tulip notices her number is going down on her hand before shoving a glove over it. The cat tells her that it must be a good thing, causing this bout of snark from Tulip.
    Tulip: Oh, wow! So it's a good thing my number's going down? I'm growing as a person? Thanks, train. So glad an inanimate object likes me!

    "The Unfinished Car" 
  • When Tulip finds the gravity-shifting stairs, Atticus remarks that he always suspected stairs can't be trusted.
    • It's a combination of the beat the editing gives you to get the joke, but also Ernie Hudson's deadpan delivery of the line.
  • Atticus guilt-trips Tulip into letting them stay and hang out for a bit with a classic dog move, the confused head-tilt.
  • After One-one splits up and goes wandering off:
    Tulip: Hey, maybe we shouldn't all go splitting up! [pretends to do a rimshot]
  • As Tulip tries to clean up the jam, she finds an orb underneath and picks it up curiously. When it reveals that it turns the jam gray, she quickly shoves the orb back into place and making a note not to touch the orbs.
  • There is this one angry turtle who is talking to his boss on a (disconnected) phone, explaining why he is going to be late for work and continuing to do so while One-One is literally tearing his world apart.

    "The Chrome Car" 
  • When Tulip's reflection begins to talk to her, she asks if she knows about everything she does, like picking her nose. She then quietly apologizes for doing that, and her reflection admits that that was pretty gross.
  • Hoping to get help, Tulip tries to talk to the mirror counterparts of One-One and Atticus. Only to reveal that Mirror!One-One is The Stoic, while Mirror!Atticus is a panicked mess, who can't stand the real Atticus barking at him.
  • When the Mirror Police show up, some Mirror paramedics drag Mirror!One-One and Atticus away, giving them blankets and hot cocoa. Mirror!One-One can drink it, despite lacking a mouth.
  • While distracting one of the Mirror Police by trying to pull off his mask, One-One cheerfully tells Tulip "We're melting people!"
    Sad-One: So~, what's new with you?
  • The mirror cop below begging his partner not to leave him.
    Mirror Cop: The buddy system!

    "The Ball Pit Car" 
  • How does Tulip solve the puzzle to get out of the car they're in? She declares bankruptcy.
  • The antsy way One-One fidgets when Tulip teases him about how they can but probably shouldn't play in the ball pit. All with him making whimpering and pleading sounds.
  • Atticus isn't a good boy. He's a good man.
  • This is one of the least funny episodes of the show, except for the scene near the beginning where Khaki Bottoms calls for help, with Atticus commenting that they may never find him, only to reveal his foot sticking out right next to him.
  • When Tulip attempts to walk a slipping staircase, One-One points out that she isn't wearing a helmet. Tulip's response? A smug "I live dangerously."

    "The Past Car" 
  • Amelia's tape shows a flashback when her teacher chastises her on her creation and she gets bummed about it while Alrick seems to be a model student. Turns out Alrick ends up cheering her up by putting a whoopie cushion on the teacher's chair, letting out a loud fart sound when she sits down and causing the entire class to laugh.
  • One-One rewinds the tape to the whoopie-cushion. And then tries to do so again. The Cat stops him, prompting a sharp whine from Sad-One.
    Sad-One: Fiiiiiinnnnneee.
  • Tulip needs some wires, and One-One starts dissecting the wires on the cat's shuttlecraft.
    Cat: Did you just break my shuttlecraft?
    Sad-One: Yes, who's asking?

    "The Engine" 
  • Tulip tells One-One to find a way to stop the train or the Steward. Sad-One's response?
    Sad-One: End it all, got it.
  • One-One walking beneath the Steward as she fights with Ghom Atticus, singing to the tune of "Wheels on the Bus".
    Glad-One: Looking for a way to stop the Steward,
    Stop the Steward,
    Stop the Steward.
    Looking for a way to stop the Steward,
    So we can turn evil Atticus back into a dog!
    Sad-One: Ugh, too many syllables.
  • "Unbelievable. Again with the turtles."
  • Amelia's incredulity that Tulip would keep a pipe in her backpack, with Tulip retorting that it's a doughnut holer.
  • Tulip messing up her shots and turning everything the blast touches into corgi shapes.
  • When the Conductor seemingly offers to make Tulip a car where her parents never got divorced, Tulip's response manages to be both a Crowning Moment of Awesome and Funny.
  • One-One wasn't just looking for his mum. He was looking for the motherboard.

Book Two

     "The Black Market Car" 
  • One-One has apparently provided a pre-recorded orientation video for newcomers to the Infinity Train. Among the questions he speculates people will have are "Where am I? Why am I here? Are snacks provided?"
  • While the moment when Alan Dracula falls into a hole isn't very funny, the fact that he stays completely straight as he bounces around the branches is just hilarious.

     "The Family Tree Car" 

     "The Map Car" 
  • Alan Dracula spends most of the episode spinning his head like a propeller for no reason at all, even in the background. MT uses him as a boat propeller, but no one otherwise acknowledges this in any way, indicating they are thoroughly used to him doing these kinds of things.
  • While trying to figure out what Jesse's issue is, he mentions a story about a lunch lady who got mad at him for wasting food.
    M.T.: Sounds like that lunch lady had a problem.
    Jesse: Wait, you think Mrs. Graham is on here?
    M.T.: (remembering that there was a lunch lady back in The Beach Car two episodes ago) Yes, maybe?
    • According to Word of God, that lunch lady is Mrs. Graham so a school is missing both a swimmer and a lunch lady.
  • M.T. tries to swim out to the mermaids, walking into the water with her eyes closed. She doesn't realize until she actually gets all the way underwater that she can't float.
    M.T.: So anyway, I'm metal.

     "The Toad Car" 
  • The very fact that there is a car that has nothing but a toad in it, with kicking it being the exit condition.

     "The Parasite Car" 
  • According to Perry, besides his affection for M.T. and Jesse, Alan Dracula's entire mind is focused on grass.
  • To get through the Runway Car, M.T., Jesse and Perry have to model on a runway. Jesse wears a strapless blue dress over his regular clothes, and M.T.'s act is just putting on a wig with pigtails and butterfly wings, waving her hands in the barest possible attempt at "dancing". And she somehow still gets an 8/10.
    • When she goes back through the car later, she runs it again.
  • Perry fails to call the right name to M.T., Jesse, and Alan Dracula every time he refers them. The wrong names he calls them are as follows:
    • M.T.: M.D.
    • Jesse: Jerome, Jiles, Jimmy
    • Alan Dracula: Alvin, Alden, Amblin Dunkula

     "The Lucky Cat Car" 

    "The Mall Car" 

    "The Wasteland" 
  • Alan Dracula manages to protect MT from the Ghoms by shaping his antlers into an enormous tumbleweed, which leaves his original body awkwardly dangling from inside.

     "The Tape Car" 
  • After MT fails to take Lizard Girl's number, she has this to say:
    MT: You won't give me a number but you'll give one to a girl who's sad about her pet lizard? Do I need a sad lizard story?!
  • MT's tantrum near the end of the episode goes from sad to terrifying when the Steward shows up... then to hilarious when it turns out the Steward is being piloted by One-One.
    Glad-One: I'd appreciate it if you'd stop breaking things.
    Sad-One: Unless you want me to start writing your obituary.

     "The Number Car" 
  • One-One commenting on MT's rampage.
    Glad-One: Do be careful. I think you accidentally slipped and broke a porter.
    Sad-One: Many, many times in a row.
  • At the start of Jesse's second tape is Jesse watching One-One's introduction video, complete with One-One getting sidetracked trying to combine "escape" and "companionship". The version of One-One watching the memory with MT immediately joins in with his pre-recorded self in trying to figure that out.
  • When MT shows up in Jesse's memories:
    Glad-One: Ooh, look! You've got co-star billing now!
    Sad-One: But you'll probably be paid less because Hollywood breeds gender inequality.
  • One-One insists that they can't just wake Jesse up on the spot, as there's an entire procedure for waking passengers up after they arrive. How does MT wake him up? By flicking him on the forehead.
    Glad-One: It involves robots and coding and juice boxes and . . .
  • When they give Jesse's number start cycling through various non-number things (to illustrate just how impossible his problem is) it stops on a ;P emoji. It's like the train itself eventually just gave up trying to quantify his problem.
  • MT reflects Jesse's number on her hand as a loophole so she can get off the train. Glad-One is still hesitant about it, but Sad-One's reaction?
    Sad-One: Yeah, sure, whatever.
  • Easy to miss, but when Alan Dracula flies off at the end, One-One casually refers to him as Alan Dracula, indicating that really is his name.
    • A.D. flying off is hilarious in and of itself; his feet just randomly start blasting out fire and he launches through the ceiling and into the distance like a rocket ship. It's completely inexplicable, even by his standards, and One-One has absolutely zero response to it.
    • In a meta sense, the fact that there's absolutely nothing special about Alan Dracula. He's not some Eldritch Abomination from beyond the train, or a glitch, or a scrapped experiment that escaped. Nope, he's just a regular old denizen of the train, created by One-One, just like everyone else.
  • When M.T. finally starts thinking of a real name for herself, Jesse suggests "Dracula Two".
  • At the end of the episode, Jesse tries to be suave and give M.T. a forehead flick back, but since she's metal, he just hurts his finger.
    Lake: (laughing) Nerd.

Book 3

     "The Musical Car" 
  • There is a turtle who previously appeared in "The Unfinished Car" as well, and he keeps talking to the phone to his superior under all circumstances, despite that the phone line is cut off.

     "The Jungle Car" 
  • Upon looking through their stuff, Simon mentions they have "Arctic Cowboy" brand deodorant "for summer sports perspiration."
    Grace: That's good, because I don't need your ripeness giving away our position.
  • When Grace tosses the chirping lizard into a bush, it makes a sound like a bomb whistle.

     "The Debutante Car" 
  • In the ocean-based car at the beginning of the episode, Hazel announces she's made a new friend: a piece of seaweed.
    Hazel: This is Louis. He's a good sort... (whispers conspiratorially) but barking mad.

     "Le Chat Chalet Car" 

     "The Color Clock Car" 
  • When Simon realizes he's teaming up with Tuba, he questions if he's stuck with her. Tuba snarks, "No, I'm stuck with you."
  • It quickly becomes clear that the group is not a fan of Roy.
    Tuba: Roy is... at a 10, and I need him to be at about a 6.

     "The Canyon of the Winged Golden Snakes Car" 
  • Amelia explaining that One-One doesn't even know that the Apex exists and sees them all as numbers. Then she reads a notecard from One-One.
    Amelia: (with little enthusiasm) "Every passenger is important. Their well-being and progress is what the train is all about. All aboard the growth train. (imitates pulling a chain) Toot-toot. Whee! Sincerely, your Conductor, One-One."
    Hazel: (giggles) "You're weird."
    Amelia: (slightly annoyed) "YES, I AM!"
    • The last "One" in One-One is on the back of the card, so Amelia has to turn it over to read it. It's like we're hearing Glad One say the first half, and Sad One say the other half in his trademark despondent tone.
    • Amelia just stares at the ground after finishing her reading, as if thinking "this is my life forever now."
  • Simon drawing attention to the size of Amelia's number.
    Simon: The highest number we've ever seen. Maybe the highest there's ever been.
    Amelia: Rude.
  • Amelia starts to interrogate the kids about the ejecting cars, but gets sidetracked.
    Amelia: Have there been objects that didn't match the environment? Phone booths? College campuses? A lot of turtles? Too many turtles? A number of turtles that makes you think "Why? Why turtles again?"
  • When The Cat tells Simon about how Amelia tried to kill her in the past as a warning against trusting her, The Cat admits that the fact that Amelia did try to kill her would probably endear her to Simon.

     "The Hey Whoa Car" 
  • When Amelia offers Grace and Hazel eggs, Hazel asks for "6½", which is how old she is. Amelia looks at Grace, who shrugs, and then approximates out about 6 eggs, apologizing for them being burned, since since she's not good at eggs, or any food.
    • Then, when Hazel compliments her pancakes, Amelia comments on how she hates to turn down her first compliment in over 30 years, but since they just met, Hazel's never had them.
  • When Grace asks if Amelia is One-One's prisoner, briefly getting confused on how Amelia just calls him "One", Amelia bursts out laughing, calling One-One "that little peanut".
  • It is a very very tense moment, but during The Reveal of Hazel actually being a clone of Alrick, she replies "I'm Hazel". Amelia just answers, without even looking at her, "Debatable".
    • When Hazel's true form is revealed, Grace rather poorly pretends she didn't know she could turn into a turtle. Later, she is confused on how Hazel, a little turtle girl, is a clone of Amelia's boyfriend.
    • Also Amelia's annoyance that yet another attempt to bring Alrick back comes out with a turtle.
    Amelia: "It was just a handkerchief!"

     "The Origami Car" 
  • Amelia describing herself as an inventor, an engineer, and a snappy dresser.

     "The New Apex" 
  • "The New Apex" was almost entirely played for drama, but it did manage to fit in one joke: when Grace returns to The Mall Car, she finds it eerily quiet and empty, until she comes across a handmade book that is clearly Simon's novel. A dinky, off-key medieval melody plays over the shot of "The Esmoroth Trilogy: Rise of The True King" and Grace rolls her eyes.

Book 4

     "The Astro Queue Car" 
  • When the bouncer is met with one of the dead corpses which he wordlessly crushes into a cube in front of Ryan, Min-Gi, and Kez and as a result, Kez and Min-Gi have this interaction.
    Kez: "Ugh, do your corpse bodies do that too?"
    Min-Gi: "Yes, Kez."
    Kez: "Ugh! Grody."

     "The Mega Maze Car" 
  • Min-Gi and Ryan managed to bypass the bouncer again by pretending to be the performing band. This is after he's made it very clear his beef with them is personal. The sad nod he gives at the end implies he knows he's tricked, but he's compelled by his job as a bouncer.

Meta

  • Owen Dennis was fully aware that Infinity Train wasn't just the ten-episode miniseries starring Tulip, so after Book 1 ended with One-One saying he'll see us next time, a lot of the Exact Words he used to avoid giving this away become this.
  • Owen recounting during an episode of The Writers Panel with Ben Blacker how shocked the executives were when he explained Year Inside, Hour Outside did not apply to the train.
    Owen: (at 45:20) "They asked 'So the kid's— she was just gone for four months or something?' And I was like 'Yeah'. And they were like '...Oh.' And then the room just felt kinda sad."
  • On the DVD Commentary for "The Lucky Cat Car", Madeline Queripel admits that her having MT rub her arm in embarrassment is revenge towards Regular Show creator J.G. Quintel, who criticized her drawing Mordecai in a similar pose years prior. Everyone spends the next minute joking about this long held grudge.
    Owen: "There's a phrase I've heard before: 'Every TV show that's made is a reaction to the last TV show the people who worked on it made, where they weren't able to do certain things.' And so for Maddie, that meant... putting a hand on your arm."
    Maddie: (laughs) "Yeah! It's a huge chip on my shoulder! Er— to be clear, no ill will harbored."

Side Material

     The Train Documentaries 

  • The Tiny Wizard Car
    • The tiny wizards conducting what is clearly supposed to be a heart-rendering drama is a bit undercut considering all they can say is the word "spells".
    • It ends abruptly when a mouse runs by, and all the wizards run after it.

  • The Kaiju Car
    • One-One trying to figure out what's special about the eponymous car, completely missing the kaiju battle raging behind them.
      • Despite a fleeing bystander specifically stopping by them to point that out.
      • And finally, they decide the thing that makes the train special is... a cloud shaped like a pretzel.

  • The Snow Car
    • One-One returns to the car where he and Tulip met, but doesn't recognize it, even after rolling up onto the snowman Tulip found him on and specifically finding a pile of stuff marked "One-One's Stash".
      • The thing that finally clues them in? A boring old rock.


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