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  • "Bunny! Ball-ball!" Cue small dog being shot out of a window over a cliff.
  • "STOP HELPING ME!"
  • Hudson and Tommy memorizing the times of songs instead of synchronizing watches. And as people have pointed out, they apparently get the times wrong!
  • The "Hawk On A Stretcher" sequence.
    • "How am I driving? 1-800-I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!"
    • Lying on a stretcher being dragged down the highway, Hawk catches a discarded cigarette and, after taking a single puff, discards it again with a disgusted mutter of "Eww, menthol."
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    • "Hey mister, are you gonna die?"
    • "Tollbooth!? ...Exact change?!?!"
    • The ambulance containing the mob guys exploding for no other reason than it just did.
      • The cherry on top is Hawk's reaction to it as he rides by: "Cesar, Anthony? (another large explosion for no reason) You okay?"
  • The entire Curare dart scene. Just...everything about it.
    "The good news is, you will be completely unparalyzed in about 2 minutes. The bad news is, that only gives you 5 seconds to defuse the bombs."
    • Just before the bomb on his forehead goes off, Snickers gets in a last request:
      "Maybe it's a dud?"
  • "Whaddaya say now, you Centrally Intelligent scumsicle?!"
  • The fact that the Mayflowers have absolutely no fucks to give about being Card Carrying Villains.
    • Particularly the fact that they got the idea for their Evil Plan from an airline magazine, as though they really were just looking for any excuse they could find to Take Over the World.
  • "Gooooood, Yogi."
  • "I feel like a dolphin that's never tasted melted snow" and everything else about Anna's fake drug trip.
  • "You won't be attending that hat convention in July!"
  • "Swinging on a Star" and "Side by Side" are both awesomely performed while subsequently robbing a museum and blowing up a castle.
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  • "I want to be treated like an adult." "That's fair. Now go to your room." (nose flick, complete with goofy sound effect)
  • Butterfinger trying to order French fries...in Italy.
  • A number of Brick Jokes:
    • After stealing the Codex, Hudson lands on a truck full of live chickens. Later in Anna's apartment, she asks where he got a bruise, and he says "Had an accident around the house. Fell on some chickens."
    • The overall recurring cappuccino gag.
    • The Nintendo gag.
    • Bunny ball-ball.
  • Hawk's Bugs Bunny-style reaction to the Mayflowers saying "Don't hurt him."
    Hudson: Oh really? Don't hurt him? Even if he does this? (Punches Butterfingers hard in the crotch) Or what about this? (Takes Snickers' glasses off and crushes them under his foot) Surely this (rams Snickers into a wall) must offend!
  • Eddie jumping off the roof and falling through an almost literal Plot Hole to land on a recliner in his parole officer's apartment.note 
  • Eddie's been in jail too long.
    Tommy: What do you want to do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies? Broadway tix? Seduce some women? Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks?
    Eddie: What's Nintendo?
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    • Brick Joke: "Will you play Nintendo with me?"
  • Hawk's first meeting with the Marios. "If the Mario Brothers weren't New Jersey's third largest crime family, I'd say kiss my ass. But considering your status, I will say: slurp my butt."
  • When Hudson finds out that Anna is a nun.
    Hudson Hawk: Those better be tears you're crying, Tommy.
    Tommy Five-Tone: [laughing and trying not to show it] They are!
  • "So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?" Enter Alfred. "Any minute now, Mr. Gates."
  • "You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally-Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!"
    • Followed by an Offhand Backhand right into Kit Kat's face for imitating him.
      • And Kit-Kat's nodding afterwards, as if saying "Yeah, I deserved that."
  • "God, I miss Communism! The Red Threat! People were scared, the Agency had some respect... and I got laid every night."
  • The two-liner by the guards in the art house.
    Guard 1: 673 'Wong's in the phone book.
    Guard 2: Hell of a lot of Wong numbers.note  Look up 'Chin.'
  • The weird girl with Pooky the Elephant.
    Mother: Courtney, stop it, you're embarrassing your country!
  • Hawk's gaffes with Anna.
    Hudson: Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for a job in the art community?
    Anna: Some of us warthogs are less constipated than others.
    • Also
    Hudson: *pushes Anna out of the way of a heavy falling sculpture*
    Anna: You didn't have to do that.
    Hudson: It's nothing. Anybody would have done the same thing.
    Anna: No, I mean, you didn't have to tackle me and rip my dress.
    Hudson: *grimaces* Oh.
  • This exchange:
    Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!
    Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Biarski? I can get you an address on that if you want.
  • The Running Gag of Eddie being thwarted at every attempt to drink a cappuccino:
    • First, Tommy brings him one when he picks him up at the prison, but he spills it when Tommy slams the brakes in anger.
    • Then, he gets one at the Five-Tone, but it gets shot out of his hand before he can do more than smell it.
    • The next day, he tries to make one, but the machine goes on the fritz.
    • Then, he gets ahold of one at Anna's apartment, but it's so pumped full of sedatives that it ruined the taste.
    • Later, again at her apartment, he asks to share an evening cappuccino, but he forgot about the "poison foam".
    • Finally, finally, after all is said and done, he gets to sit down with a cappuccino. This time, he throws it back like a shot, as though predicting another interruption should he try to savor it.
  • The deleted scenes have fun:
    • Hudson is stunned to learn his beloved monkey was shot dead...as it's on the front page of the New York Post.
    • From the screenplay and novelization: As Hudson and Tommy are trying to get away from the Italian apartment with Snickers running around with the bomb on his head and Almond Joy paralyzed, the door bursts open and a very much alive Anthony Mario charges in to take his revenge. The idea this guy somehow survived the ambulance explosion, tracked Hawk all the way to Italy, and enters just in time to get himself blown up again is hysterical.

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