- The Drill Sergeant Nasty telling one of the pilots that the next time he sees their ugly face that it's to be shaven. Said pilot is a rather attractive woman.Sergeant: Suck in that chest!
Female pilot: (inhales and makes her breasts stick up more)
- "Why are you mad at me? He's the one who ate your father!"
- Dead Meat Thompson forces Topper and Kent to make up by shaking hands. The two do... really competitively, first causing steam from the friction and then Topper's hand turning to mush.Dead Meat: There now. Isn't that better?
Topper: (in strained voice) Yeah. Sure!
- Admiral Benson's war wounds:
- He had most of his bladder blown off at Guadalcanal.
- He has a shell the size of a fist in his head (from Pork Chop Hill), and the only way his hairpiece stays on is by having a quarter of his head magnetized.
- Has sensitive ear canals because he took a bullet in Corregidor. He's able to pull a piece of cloth in one ear and out the other.
- He can't smell because his nostrils were fried in Panmunjom.
- His skull has been made of CorningWare ever since Normandy.
- He has ceramic eyes, due to a bazooka in the face at Little Bighorn or Okinawa... "the one without the Indians."
- Admiral Benson's first address to the recruits:Benson: I look out there on all you wonderful guys and I say to myself, 'What I wouldn't give to be twenty years younger. And a woman. You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions and I was shot down every one. Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life.
- Before take-off in training:
- Washout ejects... right into the underside of Deadmeat's plane.Washout: Do me a favor, don't land!
- "Wendy, I can fly!"
- The horrible doctor when Dead Meat is taken to the hospital:Doc: We gotta work fast. I got a lunch.
Topper: I think you're missing the big picture, Doc.
Doc: Nurse, check his penis; is it longer than mine?
Nurse: No, Doctor.
Doc: Good. Now this is gonna hurt. (bites Dead Meat's nose)
Dead Meat: Ow!
Doc: Nurse, give me 15cc of morphine, quickly! (puts the needle in himself)
Topper: Can you save him?
Doc: Can't be sure. I'm not a good doctor.
- Deadmeat's funeral:
Topper: Mrs. Thompson, I know you must hate me, but there's something I want you to have. I've been puttin' a little away for the past ten years. It's not much. $2500. I wish I could do more.
- Topper's condolences:
Mrs. Thompson: Why, Topper. That's so sweet. Why, with the $3 million I won on this Lucky Lotto ticket, I can take this $2500 and just... blow it all on hats.
(Topper has an "I'm an idiot" look)
Benson: Pete "Dead Meat" Thompson is dead. So is Mo Green, Tataglia, Barzini, the heads of all the five families. It is at moments like these, my dear friends, that we must ask ourselves: "How can this not be part of some larger plan?" Do good men like Dead Meat Thompson just blink out one day like a bad bulb? One minute you're in bed with a knockout gal, or guy, and the next, you're a compost heap. Doesn't that bother you? Because it scares the living piss outta me!
- Admiral Benson's eulogy:
- Upon hearing the twenty one gun salute, Admiral Benson pulls out his sidearm and returns fire. He's even carrying grenades with him.
- The scene after Dead Meat's funeral. Block comes into Benson's office and he's drinking what appears to be coffee. But he offers something else instead: "PUDDING?" (pudding flies onto Block's face)
Block: Sir, may I say something? I know Harley acted irresponsibly. But his kind lives on the edge. Always willing to take a chance. Now, we need Topper for this mission for just that reason.
- "Morale on this base is shot to hell. Just look out there. (looking at a painting) Quiet. Hardly a man moving. Roy? ROY! (swats hand down) Ugh. Huh? I even went to school with that man. It's just not the same. Been ignoring me all day. Remind me to send him a note."
- In the same scene, his total 180 on Dead Meat Thompson, who he was praising earlier:
Benson: I like your thinking, Colonel. Besides, Thompson wasn't that good a pilot anyway. He only had a small family. The kids are a pain in the ass. The wife's on the sauce. Poor bastard's better off dead.
- This, when the crew is out at sea:Benson: Holy Cow! My cap blew off! Swing her round. We'll pick it up.
Officer: But, sir, we're on the mission.
Benson: Good thinking. We'll pick it up on the way back. We gotta mark the spot, though. Put Robinowitz in a life raft. Have him row in circles until we return.
Officer: It could be days.
Benson: (slightly annoyed) ...Then put some food in the life raft, for God's sake, man. Do I have to think of everything? We'll tape his favorite shows, he won't miss anything!
- When Topper and Kent fight, they put in mouth guards but this causes them to be unable to understand what each other is saying. Then Topper punches Kent:Kent: Augh! My face!
Topper: My hand!
- On take-off for the mission, a small yipping dog chases after one of the planes taking off.
- When a pilot pulls his plane into a handicapped spot, a wheelchair-bound man comes up to him, yelling, "Have you no decency?!"
- Topper thinks fast and comes up with a reason for his erratic flying:Topper: I thought I saw Elvis.
Block: Let it go, Topper. The King is gone. Let's head for home.
- And then at the end of the film, The King is included in the "dead people montage".
- Topper's first meeting with Ramada. Before he even goes in her office, he sees an electrician donning safety gear and getting out a wide variety of tools... only to scale a ladder and start replacing a burned out light bulb. After a brief conversation, he opts to leave and Ramada warns him to "be careful out there", warning him that he's going to get hurt if he doesn't watch himself. He assumes she's talking about his career as a pilot; she actually meant the series of live electrical cables hanging out of the roof behind him.
- And then we see his skeleton light up through the glass door during his electrocution.
- The mission successfully completed, the carrier crew come out onto the deck to whoop and cheer as the planes approach.Kent: Uh, we're, uh, landing. You wanna get out of the way?
- During the attack by Iraqi Fighter jets, Washout anounces they have bogeys incoming and then sneezes on the radar screen, and says in shock "My god, a dozen more. And a blimp, it's slowly moving south."
- Could also serve as a bilingual bonus, as the word bogey are used instead of booger in some countries.
- And at the end, when Topper returns to the tribe, he did not forget the batteries for Owatonna's Walkman.Owatonna: (translated) It's about fucking time!
Funny / Hot Shots!