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Chasing a swan like it's serious business: comedy gold.
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  • When Danny (and later Angel of all people) flashed two fingers, blew a vigorous raspberry and said "jog on!"
  • Angel giving a flying kick to an old lady.
  • "A GREAT BIG BUSHY BEARD!"
  • The tour of the station.
    • The riot room has a small hedgehog in it.
    • The code to unlock the evidence room is "999". The evidence room is also completely empty save for a few shelves.
    • Frank introducing Angel to the Andies.
    Frank: I suppose you're wondering why we call them the Andies?
    Angel: They're both called Andrew?
    Frank: They said you were good!
    Danny: Also because talking to them is a bit of an uphill struggle, innit Dad?
    [one of the Andies throws a bin at Danny's head]
    Danny: Fuck off!
    Frank: Thank you, Danny.
    • When Sgt. Fisher is introduced, he is sitting in front of a dry erase board with several adjectives written on it, such as "DISLOYAL", "RUDE", "LATE" - and Fisher is positioned such that these adjectives are pointing directly at him.
  • In this film's fence gag, Angel jumps over four fences with increasingly acrobatic prowess, only to be followed by Danny, who crashes through the first fence.
  • "Annette, that Sergeant Angel's coming into your shop. Get a look at his arse." That line on its own is funny, made even more so by Angel's reaction.
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    • Even better near the end, when the joke gets revisited - "Check out his horse!"
  • And the scene where the preacher gets shot in the shoulder. "JESUS CHRIST!"
  • Or the Inevitable Pay-Off for the Swan. Swans are vicious.
    • After the swan attacks Frank, the POV switches to Nicholas and Danny watching the stolen car swerve out of control and run into a tree.
    Danny: You don't have to say anything at all.
  • This line from Angel on his first night in Sandford, after Danny almost runs him over while drunk:
    Angel: Right. I'm taking you to the station.
    [looks around]
    Angel: Where is it?
    • The next morning, when Nicholas encounters the guy he booked for drunken conduct the previous night in the police station wearing a police uniform:
      Angel: [Intense but confused] Why are you dressed as a police officer?
      Danny: [Confused and a little bit frightened] Because... I am... one?
  • The exchange between Ms. Cooper and Sgt. Angel when he first arrives in Sandford.
    Joyce Cooper: I'm Joyce Cooper, and I trust you had a pleasant trip. Fascist!
    Nicholas Angel: [taken aback] I beg your pardon?
    Joyce Cooper: [indicating her crossword] "System of government, characterized by extreme dictatorship," Seven across.
    Nicholas Angel: Oh, I see. It's "Fascism."
    Joyce Cooper: "Fascism?" Wonderful. [checking her register] Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite. Bernard will escort you there.
    [Nicholas glances at the sleeping Bernard]
    Nicholas Angel: Well, actually, uh, I could probably make my own way up. Hag!
    Joyce Cooper: [looking up] I beg your pardon?
    Nicholas Angel: [indicating the crossword] "Evil old woman, considered frightful or ugly". It's twelve down.
    Joyce Cooper: Oh! Bless you.
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    • The fact this one counts as foreshadowing as the NWA kill anyone who isn't like them and doesn't conform, as well as the Gag Echo during the shootout.
  • On the commentary with Edgar Wright and Quentin Tarantino, we learn that the two of them set up a table to sell DVDs of Point Break (1991) and Bad Boys II at the film's premiere and literally could not give away the latter.
  • While Angel is defending his mass arrest of youths the night before to Inspector Butterman, Danny's hand enters the frame holding a plate with chocolate cake on.
  • Every time Angel books someone at the station. One particular standout is when booking Pete Cocker, and the intense focus as Nick writes "COCK".
  • In a service station, Angel realises he has to return to Sandford and do what he's gotta do, with the most gravelly action-hero voice possible:
    Cashier: Is there anything else I can do for you?
    Angel: No. This is something I have to do myself.
    • Followed up for paying for some goods from the station with a five-pound note and a few coins with "swishing" sound effects and a dramatic top-down shot in true Edgar Wright fashion.
  • "It's only bolognese!"
    • "What's the situation?" "Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery."
    • "FRUIT ATTACK!" *opens fire with heavy weaponry on teenagers armed only with pineapple*
  • Angel uses the stuffed monkey he won at the shooting contest to distract Lurch long enough before knocking him out with the pot containing his peace lilly. As he's collecting himself, someone tries to hail Lurch on his radio, so Angel answers.
    Simon Skinner: [over the walkie talkie] Michael? Michael! Are you there? Michael! Is everything okay?
    Nicholas Angel: [imitating Lurch] Yarp.
    Simon Skinner: Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?
    Nicholas Angel: Yarp.
    Simon Skinner: He's not gonna get back up again?
    Nicholas Angel: [nervously] ...Narp?
    Simon Skinner: [brief pause] Good. Proceed to the Castle.
  • "Do you like ice cream?"
  • "SWAAAAN!"
  • The living statue in the crypt.
  • The way Bob and Dave say "Hello!" during the forensics scene.
    • "Does Bob look like the kind of person I'd go out with?" (Bob deflates in defeat in the background)
    • The scene's ending:
      Nicholas:...You do realise the window was broken from the inside.
      [Entire forensics team turns towards said window in confusion]
  • "Crusty jugglers..."
  • Danny interrupting Nicholas' lecture to ask if there's a place in a man's head that explodes if it gets shot.
  • "The greater good."
  • Leslie Tiller's labiodental facial expression when she's interrupted by Angel: "'Course as far as I'm concerned Cousin Sissy can go f-"
    • "God rest 'im... God rest 'er... God rest 'im... God rest the lot of 'em..."
  • One of the special features on the DVD is a series of videos where the characters explain a few plot holes. The segments narrated by Nicholas and Danny manage to push the film's original Ho Yay Up to Eleven.
    Danny: I then pretended to be a bender; note  I cried "DON'T TOUCH HIM! ... Don't touch him..."
    • And from Angel's, when he's explaining how everyone survived the explosion.
      Nicholas: As for Danny, well, it's just a miracle that Weaver's blunderbuss missed all of his internal organs - and I thank my lucky stars every morning that he's still here by my side! Right, Danny?
      Danny: I'm in the bath!
      • Also, most of the station's furniture coming from a defunct nuclear plant and therefore being essentially bomb-proof.
  • The conversation between Angel and Messenger after the play:
    Messenger: Sergeant Angel, Hi hi. Quick word for the Sandford Citizen?
    Angel: Uh, it was very enjoyable.
    Messenger: 'Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers'?
    Angel: I don't think so.
    Messenger: 'Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up to Teen Suicide'?
    Angel: That's just grossly inappropriate.
  • Down t'pub, Angel's telling the story of his childhood and why he wanted to become a police officer.
    Angel: It all started with my uncle Derrick; he was a sergeant in the Met. note  He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake, arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me; I wanted to be like Uncle Derrick.
    Danny: Sounds like a good bloke.
    Angel: Actually he was arrested for selling drugs to students.
    Danny: [with absolutely no change in tone] What a cunt.
    • During the story Angel mentions that there was one time when he was young when he wanted to be Kermit the Frog instead of a police officer. After finishing the story about how his uncle being a drug dealer and that was what made him join the police Danny thinks it's a shame...because he thinks Angel would have made a great Muppet. It even gets Angel to laugh.
    • Followed almost immediately by Danny demonstrating his little ketchup trick.
    • Earlier, Nicholas breaking into laughter when Danny's response to his Insistent Terminology is to utter the immortal phrase:
      Danny: What made you want to be a "Policeman Officer?"
  • Angel's increasingly aghast face each time he gets a Reaction Shot during the Romeo and Juliet homage. For that matter, the Romeo and Juliet homage itself also qualifies. Reverend Shooter especially looks utterly bemused at the shenanigans.
    • Before they all come out and sing, for when Juliet commits suicide, Eve grabs Romeo's gun, points it at her head and simply shouts, "BANG!"
    • Angel's look of utter horror as all the actors come out and sing.
    Nicholas Angel: We just sat through three hours of so-called "acting", Constable. Their kiss was the only convincing moment in it.
  • When Angel tries to tell Wainwright he has a bit of foam on his moustache from the beer he's drinking, it's a small moment but just utterly hilarious.
    Angel: You've, uh, got a moustache.
    Wainwright: [completely indignant] I KNOW.
  • "Angel! Don't go bein' a twat now!"
  • "Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone 'aaaaargh'?"
    • "No I have not ever fired my gun up in the air and gone 'aaaaargh'!"
  • And this exchange with the Andes.
    "What else have you got?"
    "Skidmarks."
    "Now who's being childish?"
  • The completely deadpan judges for the Best Village competition (played by Edgar Wright's mum, Edgar's former drama teacher, and Simon Pegg's mum) watching Nick and Danny tear out in their damaged squad car... and then the banner behind them flutters slowly to the ground. They just look back at their clipboards.
  • Doris. Some of her best bits include:
    Doris: Accidents happen all the time, what makes you think it was [widens eyes and sticks front teeth out] murrrrdurrrr?
    Nick: [pissed] BECAUSE I WAS THERE!
    • And of course;
      Doris: I quite like a midnight gobble. Haha!
      Walker: ...cocks.
    • The best has to be a quick split-second gag at the Fete, where we pan past Doris looking at the spitroast.
      Doris: That's me after a couple of pints...
    • After the sea-mine explodes and levels the entire police station, Doris is seen emerging from the rubble miraculously unharmed, if looking somewhat like Wile E. Coyote.
    • After Doris hits Skinner's Assistant in the face, she says "Nothing like a bit of girl on girl, ey?" and everyone breaks out laughing.
    • This all got even better now that Olivia Colman is quite recognisable from Broadchurch and is an Academy Award Winner.
  • "She's our only policewoman." "She's not a policewoman." "She is, I've seen her bra!"
  • The fact that Angel makes an elaborate, but logical, deduction of the motive of the crimes only to have the townspeople cheerfully correct him and admit that they just killed these people because they were just nuisances.
  • "And Martin Blower?" "No, actually." "Really?" "COURSE HE FUCKING WAS!"
    • [clink] "Thank you Danny!"
    • "Ooh, 'murder murder murder'. Change the fucking record!"
    • [clink] "Thank you, Andy."
    • The swearbox itself is hilarious because of the smiley faces but also because the rudest word is the only one that isn't censored.
  • Angel's furious tirade about the string of murders trailing off into embarrassed mumbling when he admits he was on the scene because he was buying Danny a birthday present.
    • And then this bit:
      Angel: [priceless look of disbelief] AM I GOING COMPLETELY MAD?!
      Wainwright: Maybe you are. Maybe you did it.
      Cartwright: Seeing how you're such a big fan of murder!
      Angel: WHAT THE F-
      Inspector Butterman: Sergeant Angel!
      Angel: YES?!... Sir?
  • A fucking helicopter shot ripped straight out of every Michael Bay movie ever.
  • "Forget it Nick. It's Sandford!"
  • "He's NOT Judge Judy and executioner!"
  • Angel trying to question the very thick accented Mr. Webley. To translate, he brings along PC Walker. Who in turn has to have his gibberish speak translated by Danny.
    • Fans from the The West Country also find it amusing that they can understand Mr. Webley just fine, while fans unused to a strong Somerset accent genuinely believed he was talking gibberish.
    • Also from the talk, Arthur Webley has a gun just casually hanging from his arm. After he concedes to stop trimming hedges that aren't his, Angel asks whether he has a permit for the gun. Answer? He does... for this one. The way Angel looks up after that line is hilarious. Then he leads the police officers to a shed containing enough firearms for a small army, complete with a sea mine, that he says he's just "found."
    • Mr Webley gives it a knock to prove the mine is "just a load of old junk" when it starts clunking and ticking. Everyone panics and runs out of the building, Angel and Butterman diving over the hedge. Silence. The mine doesn't go off. They emerge awkwardly back into frame, Butterman pointing to something on Angel's front and Angel slapping his hand away.
  • Nicholas confronting Michael in the supermarket.
    Nicholas: Michael, Michael, wait! Is this what you really really want?
    Michael: [beat] Yarp.
    Nicholas: Eh, suit yourself. [beatdown ensues]
    • And before that, he rushes in, Doris tells him not to go in on his own and Danny reassures the others that Nicholas knows what he's doing. Cue Nicholas smashing through the window, having just been thrown through it.
  • After Angel sees the age restriction sign in a bar, he looks around to notice groups of underage kids hanging out in there.
    Angel: 'scuse me.
    Kid #1: What?
    Angel: [holding up his badge] When's your birthday?
    Kid #1: 22nd of February.
    Angel: What year?
    Kid #1: Every year.
    Angel: Get out.

    Angel: [holding up his badge] Hey. When's your birthday?
    Kid #2: Uh... 8th of May, 1969?
    Angel: You're 37.
    Kid #2: Yeah?
    Angel: Get out.

    Angel: [holding up his badge] When's your birthday?
    Kid #3: [high-pitched] Uhhhh...
    Angel: OUT!
    • Then it ends with the full bar now completely empty and the owners ticked.
    Roy Porter: Another cranberry juice?
    —>Nicholas Angel: I'm fine, thank you.
  • Nicholas rides into town at the end, heavily armed, on a white horse. Or perhaps one should say, an avenging Angel riding a pale horse.
    Danny: (reloading his shotgun) How's Lurch?
    Angel: Uh, he's in the freezer.
    Danny: Did you say 'cool off'?
    Angel: No, I didn't say anything actually.
    Danny: (casually reloading) Shame.
    Angel: There was a bit earlier on that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey, and then I said "Playtime's over!" and I hit him with the peace lily.
    Danny: (grinning wide) YOU'RE OFF THE FUCKIN' CHAIN! (cocks shotgun)
  • PC Walker.
    • "Tits".
    • "Cocks".
    • "I think you're talking a lot of old shit".
  • Martin Freeman's One-Scene Wonder:
    Sergeant: We're making you a sergeant.
    Angel: I see.
    Sgt.: [quietly] In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
    Angel: In where, sorry?
    Sgt.: [louder] In Sandford, Gloucestershire.
    Angel: That's...in the country.
    Sgt.: Yes! Lovely.
    Angel: Isn't there a sergeant's position somewhere here in London?
    Angel: Can I remain here as a PC?
    Sgt.: No.
    Angel: Do I have any choice in this?
    Sgt.: Nnnneeww!
  • When the sea-mine finally goes off, the poor bastard stuck underneath it doesn't even seem all that upset. Just disappointed.
    Tom Weaver: [quietly] Oh god no.
  • Angel and Danny are drinking in the pub when Angel slips and spills a little beer. Frank suggests that someone needs to go home...George Merchant, who is relieving himself against the fruit machine.
  • After Nicholas and Danny escort the drunken George Merchant home, he seems to think they're a taxi service, leading to this exchange:
    Merchant: [drunkenly] How much do I owe you?
    Danny: [equally drunk] About twenty quid?
    [Merchant hands Danny a twenty pound note; Nicholas immediately snatches it from Danny and hands it back to Merchant.]
    Nicholas: Here's your change.
    Merchant: God bless you. [opens front door, trips on the step and faceplants into his house, setting off the alarm.] I'm alright!
  • The scene when Danny is introducing Lurch to Nick.
    Danny Butterman: Oh, that's Lurch.
    Nicholas Angel: Go on.
    Danny Butterman: He's the trolley boy at the local supermarket.
    Nicholas Angel: Uh-huh.
    Danny Butterman: Real name Michael Armstrong.
    Nicholas Angel: Mmm-hmm.
    Danny Butterman: Dad says he's got a child's mind.
    Nicholas Angel: Okay.
    Danny Butterman: He lives up Summer Street with his mum and his sister.
    Nicholas Angel: And are they as big as he is?
    Danny Butterman: Who?
    Nicholas Angel: The mum and the sister?
    Danny Butterman: Same person.
  • Nick gets a little irritated after Frank tries to take Danny hostage.
    Nick: [rolls his eyes] Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!
  • Tim Messenger's over the top death and Nick's reaction to it. He's more grossed out than horrified despite seeing a brutal death right in front of him.
  • More of a Hilarious in Hindsight moment, but just try to listen to the line "We will make Sandford great again" and not laugh a little.
  • Skinner landing on the miniature church spire and getting impaled right through the chin in the climax would have been straight-up Nightmare Fuel... if not for the fact that he survives and starts whining about how much it hurts. Crosses the Line Twice and Bloody Hilarious at best.
    Skinner: Owwww... thish... really... hurtsh! I'm... going tho needh fome.. ife cream...
  • Nick points out a suspicious guy wearing a hat over his face and asks Danny why that might be.
    Danny: 'Cause he's fuck-ugly.
    Nick: Or he doesn't want people to see his face.
    Danny: Because he's fuck-ugly.
  • Angel is forced to recount the story of shooting a perp with a Kalashnikov (the perp had the Kalashnikov). The Andys tell him:
    DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.
    DC Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!
    Nicholas Angel: Like who?
    Wainwright: Farmers.
    Angel: Who else?
    Cartwright: [Beat] Farmers' mums.
    • A bit of a Brick Joke too as the first person Angel meets during the shootout is a Farmer, who calls for his shotgun wielding mother.
  • How unsubtle Simon Skinner is about being the movie's Red Herring.
  • While dealing with being mocked for Messenger's "Angle" typo in the paper, Angel gets a phone call.
    Nicholas Angel: Sgt. Angel.
    P.I Staker: Morning. The swan's escaped.
    Nicholas Angel: The swan's escaped?
    P.I Staker: Yeah.
    Nicholas Angel: Right. And where has the swan escaped from, exactly?
    P.I Staker: Uh, the Castle.
    Nicholas Angel: Oh, yeah? And who might you be?
    P.I Staker: Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.
    Nicholas Angel: P.I. Staker?
    P.I Staker: Yeah.
    Nicholas Angel: Right. "Piss Taker." COME ON!
    Nicholas Angel: Yes, Mr. Staker. Um, we'll do everything we can. Can you describe it, sir?
    P.I Staker: Right, it's, uh, 2 foot tall. Um, long slender neck.
    Nicholas Angel: Yep.
    P.I Staker: Orange and black bill.
    Nicholas Angel: Anything else?
    P.I Staker: Well, it's a swan.
  • After Angel's Lock-and-Load Montage, as he's about to leave the station Sgt. Turner decides it would be a good time to pass on a message:
    Sgt. Turner: Oh, Sgt. Angel? Someone from London called for you.
    [Angel, tooled up with a small army's worth of lethal hardware, just slowly turns around and stares impassively at him. Sgt Turner takes a moment to let the image sink in.]
    Sgt. Turner: ... I'll tell 'em you'll ring 'em back.
  • Skinner pulling his infamous Slasher Smile in his office with the camera focusing on a photograph behind him of Skinner pulling the exact same smile.
  • PUNCH! THAT! SHIT!
  • The way Nicholas says “Morning” just before the shootout.

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