Who knew that history could be so funny?
- This joke:
- Most of the book covers have one-liners so terrible, you can't help but laugh.
- On the cover of Woeful Second World War:Soldier: [terrified] TANKS!!!
Voice inside tank: You're welcome.
- From a reader test in the Stone Age: What did our ancestors use for toilet paper: a) moss; b) deerskin; c) hedgehog skinGuy on a cliff: I gave him all three, let's which-Offscreen test subject: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!
Guy on cliff: He can't be stupid enough to try ag-Offscreen test subject: AAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
- During the answer segment:
- From "The Blitzed Brits"
Hitler: 1. Guy Fawkes: 0.
- The illustration of everybody in London freaking out at the first air raid siren in WW2, which turned out to be a false alarm.
- The irony that gas masks were never needed during the war because Hitler never tried to gas-attack England... because he knew everybody in England had gas masks.
- Hitler signing the order for Operation Sealion in July 1940, only to get stuck on Order 2a which is "The RAF must be eliminated."
- Hitler managing to bomb the House of Commons.
The cow is a mammal. It has six sides: right, left, upper and below. At the back it has a tail on which hangs a brush. With this it sends flies away so they do not fall in the milk. The head is for the purpose of growing horns and so that the mouth can be somwhere. The horns are to butt with and the mouth is to moo with. Under the cow hands the milk. It is arranged for milking. When people milk the milk comes and there is no end to the supply. How the cow does it I have not realised but it makes more and more.
- The various debacles that took place in the blackout.
- The description of a cow written by a young evacuee:
- From "The Villainous Victorians"
Thank you, Frederick, I think we might have guessed that.
- Queen Victoria never said "We are not amused." But she did write in her diary "We were very much amused."
- The story of Victorian man Robert Cocking who jumped out of a hot air balloon to test a parachute. It didn't work.
- At the trial of Mr and Mrs Manning, who had invited a rich man round for dinner and then murdered him, Mr Manning told the judge that he never liked him much.
Don Boucicault lies here. His first holiday.
- The words on Dion Boucicault's gravestone:
This charming child grew up to be Kaiser Wilhelm who led Germany into the First World War. Shame he didn't just stick to biting legs.
- The bit on H.G Wells blames him for people in modern days claiming have met aliens because he wrote War of the Worlds.
- The story of a newspaper report who forged and published a bunch of letters implicating the head of the Irish Parliament. The man got caught because his spelling was so bad. The judges even gave him a spelling test at his trial, which he failed.
- The story of 3-year-old Prince Wilhelm who was so naughty he had to be guarded by two English princes at the wedding of Queen Victoria's son. He crawled off his seat onto the floor and bit their legs.
Sarah also kept a cheetah as a pet.
- Actress Sarah Bernhardt who had a strange habit of sleeping in a coffin every night.
He must have used a very long knife to chop them.
- Theophile Marzials terrible "tragic" poem.
- Murderer Dr Neil Cream claimed to be Jack the Ripper. Only he was in prison in America while the Ripper murders were taking place in London.
- "The Slimy Stuarts"
That could be why Jonny was so long at the fair... he'd been press-ganged!
- The passage about how young men would go to fairs, get drunk and fall asleep and then get carried of by the navy "Press Gangs" to serve on ships.
- The story of the burial boys (people who collected and disposed of the bodies of the plague victims) accidentally picking up a passed-out drunk man, who woke up under a "fat, smelly feller" and thought he was trying to pinch his sleeping spot. "Told him to get off, didn't I? Course he didn't reply..."
- The whole comic section of Charles I being visited by the ghost of the Earl of Stafford.
- From "The Terrible Tudors"
Never mind what they mean...just enjoy saying them out loud!
- One of the opening illustrations when a teacher asks a boy why Henry VIII was buried at Westminister Abbey. "Because he was dead, sir."
- Shakespearian insults. Apparently his nastiest was "You prince of Wales!"
- The "Stupid Deaths" segment, you will be laughing anytime Death starts talking. You'll be laughing even harder at Death's incredibly stupid puns and when he breaks down into fits of uncontrollable laughing.
- "SHUT UP, LOUIE!"
- The "Pirate Rulebook" sketch, aka one of the best uses of Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping ever.
- Black Bart: [typical pirate voice] Listen up, ye scurvy scum. It's been many moons since I've had fresh blood aboard my ship. Now you all know me by reputation — Black Bart! THE MOST BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE EVER TO RULE THE SEVEN SEAS!!Crew: [raucous laughter]Black Bart: Now I don't know any of you, see? So, to ensure we don't have any... misunderstandings... I'm going to tell you how I runs things on my ship! Rule One: Fighting!Crew: [more raucous laughter]Black Bart [switches to posh accent] No fighting!Crewmember: ...Hey?Black Bart: It's anti-social, and a good way to lose an eye, isn't it Mulligan?
- The chav version of the story of Helen of Troy...
- "Helen... you is well fit. Your face could launch a thousand ships, yeah?""Listen up, yeah! I want all us Greek soldiers to march on Troy, you get me? We're gonna tear that city UP! Kill dem all, izzit? ... Yeah, it is!"
- Henry VIII is always a ham-flavoured delight, but the sketch where he learns (via email...) that he has a daughter is fantastic: "God, why have you cursed me with only ladybabies?"
- The Tudor Executioner sketch from episode 11. "This," (points at noose) "is the seven o'clock noose. This," (points at another noose) "is the nine o'clock noose. This," (points at another noose) "is the noose at ten. And this," (points at a man lying dead next to them) "is the person who wrote that joke."
- Stephen Fry, speaking of The Blitz: "Up to two million bowels were evacuated... Children! Two million children were evacuated..."
- From the Celtic Boast Battle:
- I go berserk and my eyes go glazy,I get so mad I could stab a daisy![Beat] But I won't. 'Cause that'd be... stupid.
- The "You've Been Artois'd!" sketch. "Boom-boom bang-bang, baby!...I know these words, you see? I am 'street', yes?"
- This exchange, as quoted in the Fridge Brilliance entry, in the Ancient Greek Wife Swap sketch:Spartan husband: (holding out a spear) Go get us something to eat.Athenian wife: But... I wouldn't know how to hunt! Athenian women aren't allowed out of the house, except to meet other women, or to go to funerals!Spartan husband: You will be going to a funeral. [beat] The rabbit's.Athenian wife: *faints*
- Bitchy Mozart ("So you beat zat...girlfriend!") vs. pompous — and conveniently deaf — Beethoven ("So you just stick zat in your schnitzel!") for the title of Greatest Composer Ever in the Prom special.
- A professional leech-catcher from the Middle Ages demonstrates how it's done... involuntarily. Several times. While trying to explain to a sceptical pal how great his job is.
- The 'Kidnapped!" sketch, a movie trailer-style spoof on Saxon marriage laws.
Husband: Hey! That was a new helmet!(awkward pause)...And I'm quite annoyed about you kidnapping my wife, too!
- Mr. and Mrs. Random Saxon are just sitting outside their hut when an intruder suddenly runs up, bonks him on the head and runs off with Mrs. Random, leaving her husband to yell after them:
- And then, when Mr Saxon finds the kidnapper, he only offers half a penny to get his wife back since he is legally obligated to do this at a bare minimum before he could remarry. He hopes the kidnapper would reject it since his wife is naggy and annoying. Unfortunately for him, the kidnapper also found the wife naggy and annoying and accepts it. Mr Saxon would later lament that he paid too much.
- The 'Silly Tudor Laws' sketch, in which a nobleman is forced by Queen Elizabeth I to first wear a woolly hat, then remove his sword-impeding cloak, and then his royals-only purple doublet... leading inevitably to:Elizabeth: Cecil, there appears to be a naked man in our throne room.Cecil: Yes, your Majesty.Elizabeth: Do we have a law against this?Cecil: Not yet, your Majesty.
- Cecil in general during that sketch—his repetition of Elizabeth's every decree, and the fact that he just happens to have a spare woolly hat on his head. "Ta-da!"
- Also, the outtake from the 'naked' scene, as included on the DVD: "Now, Mat, if you'll just put your fingers back on your nipples..." "Well, THAT'S a direction I never thought I'd hear."
- Greek ruler Draco sentences a hapless apple-snatcher: "Guards! Take him away and make him dead! Oh... and if you can think of anything worse than death, do that too, OK? OK."
- A sketch pointing out that nobody really knows whether King William II's hunting accident was deliberate or not: "Oh, dear. I appear to have shot the King. That's bad, isn't it?"
- The Historical Paramedics.Geoff: Man-child! Do you wish to be a gallant hero?!Modern boy: (nods eagerly)Geoff: Then you must wee on this man's head!
- Historical Masterchef. Just... all of it. Particularly Jim Howick's portrayal of Greg.
- The increasingly strange introductions are a highlight though:
- And:John: He did.
- There are also some great moments from the sketches themselves, for example:Greg: That must be THE LOUDEST CREATURE ON EARTH!Aztec Chef: It's one of them.
- And from the World War 2 Masterchef, after the German housewife contestant explains that her duck is made from sausage, apples and onions:John: It's not bad, but it's not duck.Greg: What's duck normally made from?
- There's also the Running Gag of John calling out the number of minutes left, and then Greg calling out a higher number of minutes:John: Five minutes!Greg (later): ELEVEN MINUTES!
John: Okay, start cooking.Greg (immediately): TIME'S UP!
- Taken to its logical extreme with:
- This World War II sketch. With the British government having had all the road signs and place names blacked out to prevent German spies from knowing where they were, we are shown a train carriage on a train at an undetermined location somewhere in England. The passengers and the conductor must frantically work out ever-increasingly complicated cryptic ways of announcing the name of the next station in a way without revealing it to any German spies. At last the one passenger who hasn't said anything, thoroughly fed up, says "I'm the German; would it help if I left the train?" and proceeds to jump off, at which point the conductor simply tells the remaining guys that the next stop is Coventry.
- Caligula declaring war against Poseidon.
- General: (shows a spear with fish) We...ah... got some of his soldiers?Caligula: (glaring at the fish) ... THINK YOU'RE BIGGER THAN ME!?!?
- Caligula in general is a laugh riot.
- Intuitive, revolutionary. Ancient Rome is delighted to announce the launch of the all-new aBook, the take-anywhere reading solution. aBook is amazing. Up until now, the only way to get your poetry to the masses was by writing it down on long awkward scrolls OR BY SHOUTING REALLY LOUD!! Now aBook has changed all that. With the new aBook, you simply turn the page, using the unique turnable pages to reveal new information. And by writing data on both sides of the page, the new aBook holds more information in less space than anything that's gone before it. What's more, the unique hardware and cover means your writing is safe from anything the Roman world might throw at it. [An arrow impales the display aBook and pierces through the pages] Well, within reason. Incredibly clever and incredibly simple, aBook is the new book that rewrites the book on writing books.
- And coming soon from the makers of aBook, anotherBook.
- Oh no! I just got used to using this one and now they're bringing another one out?
- And coming soon from the makers of aBook, anotherBook.
- "Don't Wake the Fuhrer" is about how the German reaction to D-Day was delayed thanks to his guards' reluctance to disturb Mr. Grumpy Pants while he was sleeping. "Ooh, he will get in such a paddy..." "Such a paddy he will get in!" Bonus points for the little 'ADOLF'S ROOM' plaque on Hitler's door behind them.
- As the messenger gets insistent, suddenly a soldier stationed in the Fuhrer's room comes out and says that the Fuhrer is awake and has issued his order. Specifically, his breakfast ordernote , which must be acted on immediately!
- This advert for John Joseph Merlin's newest innovation: roller skates! Featuring their inventor, a very slippery floor, and the inevitable. By the end, all of the falls he's taken in this ordeal have left him with a bruised right eye and a bloody nose.note
- Legendary workaholic Winston Churchill toils far into the night to plan D-Day... forcing his aides to resort to ever more increasingly desperate means to keep up, or for that matter simply stay awake.
- The bit where he pops a paper bag to wake them up is especially precious. "That's not funny, sir! There is a war on..."
- An old but good one, from the 'Columbus Finds Land' sketch:
- Crewman: Can't you just for once admit that you're wrong?Columbus: Never! I am Captain Christopher Columbus, the finest sailor and navigator on the planet, and if I go looking for India, India is what I find! Good day!*turns around, sees the wall and stops, then looks around**beat*Columbus: (very quietly) Door?Crewman: It's over there.Columbus: I know that. It's my cabin.
- In one 'Court of Historical Law' sketch, they showcase the Saxon methods of determining guilt for the crime of horse rustling. The first two are these torturous endeavours that would cripple the defendant regardless and rely on divine intervention, so the defendant sensibly refuses. The third trial? Eating a cake without choking. The defendant happily takes it, starts choking, and finally admits that, yeah, he stole the horse.
- The Wonders of the Universe sketches. The basic premise of these sketches is supposed to be various ancient scientists extolling their respective cultures' technological, architectural, and astrological feats... right up until they begin babbling about their mythologies as if they were genuine science and eventually have to be pulled off the set by the crew.
- The Georgian Crimefighting sketch about Jonathan Wild, the Thief Taker General who, in the 1710s and early 1720s, amassed an illegal fortune while appearing to work on the right side of the law. We start with a Lestrade-counterpart and Dr. Matson bringing Wild to a ransacked office. Once he enters the room, Wild uses Sherlock-white text to illustrate his thoughts and then proceeds to rapid-fire reveal the locations of every single one of the criminals he hired, while acquiring multiple finders' fees. Even acquiring one by pickpocketing the inspector's wallet and then "finding" it.Jonathan Wild: Pat's under the desk, Mickey's behind the bookshelf, and Dave is robbing someone in the street! Or he will be in a minute. I'm guessing about the names.*a woman's scream is heard*Dr. Matson: Yes! Brilliant, Wild!Inspector: It's almost as if you knew where they were hiding all along!Jonathan Wild: Three more finders' fees, your grace.
- The commercial for We Sell Any Monk! Any any any any any monk!:Salesman: Hi there. We've just come back from a Viking raid, where we nicked tons of monks, which is great news for you if you're looking for a nice, well-behaved monk-slave, because...[stands up and joins in a group of monk-slaves dancing to a rap melody]Voiceover: We sell any monk! Any any any any any monk! We sell any monk! Fat ones, slim ones, bright ones, dim ones! We sell any monk![music stops. The salesman quickly returns to his desk to start the next part]
Voiceover: We sell any monk! Any-any-any-any-any monk! Nice ones, grim ones, chopped-off-a-limb ones! [A Viking cuts off a monk's right arm with an axe]Monk slave: Ow!Viking: Sorry!
- And the guy who gets his limbs amputated:
Director: And cut![The Viking cuts off the monk's left arm with the axe]Monk slave: OW!!Director: Uh, I meant, "That's a wrap!"Viking: Oh. Sorry!
- Even better is that guy at the end of the video:
- Aesop is sent to distribute alms to a Greek city... unfortunately his idea of crowd control involves increasingly patronising reminders of his "moral tales". The crowd's (hilariously matter-of-fact) response: "Have you ever heard the story about the fable writer and the cliff? It's a story about a highly annoying fable writer who gets thrown off a cliff by an angry mob." "Yeah, it's a moral tale about not annoying an angry mob."
- The "God Compare" sketch - making fun of the obnoxious "Go Compare" ads that plagued the UK.
- Hi! I'm Paul Revere! Are you fed up with cleaning your teeth using your finger? A piece of rag? Someone else's finger? Or nothing at all? Then help is at hand, thanks to my amazing, not-in-any-way effective All-American Toothpaste! The unique three-stripe formula delivers complete mouth freshness. The white stripe is sugar, the yellow stripe is butter, and the brown stripe is breadcrumbs. Say "bye-bye" to cavities and "Hello!" to totally rotten teeth! And not forgetting Paul Revere's special not-at-all secret ingredient: gunpowder! For that bright yellow smile that will blow your friends away, *BOOM* you'll never need to use another toothpaste. Paul Revere's All-American Toothpaste: Because teeth are overrated!
- WARNING: New gunpowder formula. May contain gunpowder.
- The advert for the new English postal service—actually designed to catch Mary, Queen of Scots in the act of plotting with her Catholic supporters—by Elizabethan spymaster Sir Francis Walsingham. "Wait, if we say we're not using spies, it's pretty obvious we are using spies, isn't it." Then again at the end, "We're Reading Your Mail!"
- In most of the Vile Victorian sketches involving kids, there's almost too much glee in pointing out that the Victorian era was not exactly kind to children (chimney sweeps, child factory workers, horrifying punishments at school). The kids get their (small but creepy) revenge in the sketch about how Victorian schoolroom lessons operated (repeating after the teacher).Class: [repeating the teacher] The headmaster's coming so please behave, or the silly old goat will have me dragged to his office.
Headmaster: [decidedly frostily to the teacher] A word in my office.
Teacher: [under his breath as he's dragged away] Thanks a bunch!
Class: You're welcome.
- The segment on kids working in Victorian factories which plays out like an insurance ad. Only there's no such thing as insurance in the 19th century.Victorian man: So if you too were a Victorian child and you've had an accident at work - bad luck. You're stuffed.
- This bit when a Tudor midwife tries to feed a birthing woman a snake skin in "Fierce Females":Woman: That's not going to do me any good!
Midwife: Oh, I'm sorry, are you a qualified medical professional?
Midwife: Well, neither am I, so we're just going to have to muddle through, aren't we?
- Isambard Kingdom Brunel's insecurity about height is pretty funny, considering the real Brunel was even shorter than the 5'4 Jim Howick.
- "The Few", the RAF pilot song is a goldmine - especially if you keep an eye on the group dance scenes. Mat and Larry can dance quite well and on beat, Jim is slightly more awkward but can still pull it offnote , but Ben and Simon... not so much (which is probably why they're in the back of the group dance shots - that and they're the two tallest members). They do get some amusing dancing in the background of the "war room" shots, though.
Mathew Baynton: Were now known by you as "The Few"...Chorus: Ooh, ahh...Simon Farnaby: [with a big goofy grin] Phew, he missed me!
- There's also the guys getting really into their roles, with bonus points to Larry and Mat outright smouldering at the camera during their solo parts. Never before has "Take that, Hitler!" been delivered in quite that tonenote .
- Simon and Ben's giving each other a high five after "that's right, some of the bravest men were Polish and Czech!"
- The Title Drop moment in the song, with Simon's line immediately after being the cherry on top:
- In a meta moment, one fan channel made a lyrics video and color coded it - something usually seen in K-Pop videos. Cue fans jokingly commenting with their "biases" in the group, and speculating on the guys' "positions" in the group as if they were a K-pop group.
- The consensus was that Mat would be lead vocalist, center/visual, main dancer and maknaenote , Jim would be main vocalist and leader of the group, Larry would be the face of the group, main rapper and supporting vocalist, Ben would be lead dancer, supporting rapper and supporting vocalist, and Simon would be lead dancer and supporting vocalist.
- The segment about how women in Shakespeare plays were played by men..I mean a woman playing the part of a woman? Who ever heard of such a thing?
- Followed by a cut to a Stuart actor (male) lamenting that he's been working hard all year for the role of Juliet only for them to give it to a girl.
- William the Conqueror's lyric from the "Rotten Rulers" song:William I: They called me the first English King (looking baffled) Although I come from France?
- Emma Sharp thanking her husband for inspiring her to complete her 1000-mile walk.Reporter: So he's believed in you from the start?Emma Sharp: No, no, he said no woman was capable of such a thing. So I'm doing it to prove the smug idiot wrong.
- Apparently Charles I couldn't make it to his wedding so he got a duke to stand in for him.Vicar: Do you Henrietta Maria take... a man who is not here but somehow knows this man... to be your lawfully wedded husband?
- An evacuee boy's first encounter with a cow, told like a horror movie.It came from the meadow.
- Can be found here and here.
- Jim Howick whacking his head on a doorway just as he enters a scene, causing him to do an abrupt about face and exitnote .
- Mathew Baynton being unable to keep a straight face after Ben's (purposeful) faceplant during the opening of "The Evil Emperors". If you look closely you can see Jim and Simon Farnaby also smiling when they realize Mat's cracked again.
- Amusingly, the final version of the song cuts away a split second after Commodus falls - one wonders if they didn't actually manage to get a good take due to Mat's grinning!
- Jim Howick's "drumsticks" keep breaking on him during the filming for "Literally", and at one point a breakage happens to coincide with poor Laurence Rickard slipping and falling hard on his back - although everyone remains in character and continues playing!
- Martha Howe-Douglas and Mathew Baynton Corpsing when they make eye contact, at a certain point Mat exclaims through his laughter that he doesn't even know what's so funny.
- An outtake from "The Thinkers' Song" has Jim running in mock terror in front of the camera being chased by Ben, who has a decidedly lascivious air to his movements.
- Jim constantly saying that he's "seriously considering not coming to the next aftercutionnote ".
- Jim's botching of his line "You made such a noise, you woke up all the Saracens in the camp":Jim Howick: You made such a noise, you woke up the Saracens in the... No! *Beat* Why are there Saracens in the camp? I don't get it.Laurence Rickard: ...because it's a Saracen camp.Jim Howick: [in an "Of course I knew that" tone] It's a Saracen camp!Laurence Rickard: That'll be it.Jim Howick: That's why.
- Ben Willbond absolutely cannot keep a straight face whenever he has a scene with Jim, and it's awesome - especially when he breaks into a fit of helpless giggles and has to put his head down before he continues.Jim Howick: Blessed Saint Apollonianote - nope. [the director corrects him offscreen] Apollonia!note [Next take] Blessed Saint Apollonia...noteBen Willbond: [just on the very edge of laughter] Appollonia!noteSarah Hadland: Apple. Apple. Apple. Apple. [Ben shoots the camera the thumbs up sign]Jim Howick: Appollonia.note [Next take] Blessed Saint... Aplay... Sorry! [he laughs frustratedly] Why can't she be called Sue?!Sarah Hadland: Saint Sue!
- Mathew Baynton constantly getting interrupted by falling props, to the point where he anticipates them falling and gestures dramatically with his hands as they fall.
- Speaking of Jim Howick having trouble with his lines... He also had a memorable struggle with the word "philosophical".Jim Howick: It's just a little fizzle... It's just a little fizzelol... [pauses and grins before collecting himself and trying again] It's just a lot... [pauses again] It's just a little fizzle-o-gical... It's just a little fizz... [pauses while both he and his scene partner try to control their giggles] Okay, we're all professionals.
- Lawry Lewin has a bit of trouble as Cromwell:Lawry Lewin: These bad boys! [points to the wart on his forehead] The one that looks like my nose, only bigger, [he points to his chin] and the one that could easily be mistaken for my chin... [his voice cracks as you can see Ben's body shaking with barely suppressed laughter][another take]Lawry Lewin: These bad boys! [points to the wart on his forehead] The one that looks like a plane - a plane?! [he shrugs in bewilderment]Ben Willbond: Where did that come from?
- Martha Howe-Douglas having to redo her scenes of slapping Mathew Baynton over and over again, with her mortified apologizing for each time she messes up.
- Ben Willbond asking Jim "What could possibly be making you laugh?" before turning to the camera and revealing he's wearing a bald cap.
- An alternate take of Mat Baynton's "Do the Pachacuti":Mathew Baynton: Pull out their teeth whole...Chorus: Do the Pachacuti!Mathew Baynton: Turn teeth into charms...Chorus: Do the Pachacuti!Mathew Baynton: [still completely in tune and on beat] I've never got that line right!Chorus: Pachacuti!
- Simon Farnaby attempts to ask "What does she know about war?", but with his attempt at a French accent it comes out a bit differently.Simon Farnaby: What does she know about waaaaaaaaaaah?Jim Howick: [immediately cracks up while Simon grins sheepishly]
- Laurence Rickard dealing with a rather fiesty llama while struggling to maintain a straight face.
- The "Jasper Maskelyne" sketch has some rather good ones:Lawry Lewin: Jasper Maskelyne![cue smoke, but Jim's appearance is delayed, and he stumbles a bit in getting up]Jim Howick: [he splutters] Trod on my cloak! [Lawry and Ben burst out laughing] I almost chinned myself.[later]Jim Howick: Master of Illusion! [cue smoke, he drops down below the line of sight]Lawry Lewin: [obviously over-acting] Good heavens, where has he gone?Ben Willbond: Well he's clearly just down there, isn't he?Jim Howick: [pokes his head up, and without missing a beat] Why would you do that?Ben Willbond: [breaks down in laughter and has to rest his head in his hands while Lawry looks on for a moment before grinning and laughing too]
- Poor Mathew Baynton having to attempt the "She sells sea shells by the sea shore" line over and over again.
- Two Vikings are defeated by a tiny enemy:Jim Howick: The rocks! That's where the giants live!Simon Farnaby: Giants?!Jim Howick: Yeah, giants!Simon Farnaby: Have you seen one?!Jim Howick: [suddenly shrieks and leaps backwards, shaking his head madly]Simon Farnaby: Wasp! [he swings his sword at it]Jim Howick: [now sounding much calmer] Wasp.
- A discussion on medieval medical care:Jim Howick: You touch a gold coin and give it to someone who suffers from sofula, and somehow they're magically cured? [pause while Mat looks momentarily confused, then continues completely in character]Mathew Baynton: ...no, I give it to someone who suffers from scrofula. [breaks into a slow smile while Jim realizes his mistake]
- Simon's attempt at a dramatic unfurling of parchment fails when he doesn't throw it properly and it bounces back at him.
- Jim (as a leprechaun) has a rather interesting delivery of the line "Look at me in mah eye."
- Simon repeatedly messing up his and Ben's simultaneous line of "Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, the magazine everyone in Saxon England should read".
- Laurence Rickard's cackle of a laugh is absolutely hysterical.
- The "God Compare" outtakes. All of them.
- On the origins of Rome, this occurs:Narrator: [Romulus and Remus] were cared for by a wolf...
[sound of a dog bark]
Narrator: [crossly] A WOLF!!
Sound Effects engineer: Sorry, I thought you said "woof".
- The fortune-telling chickens sketch, including the clueless hen that can't tell the difference between "chips" and "ships".
- The trumpeter.
- Introduction:Trumpeter: Oops, sorry, Caesar.
Julius Caesar: Cut off his ear!!
Guard: Right, boss. (sound of blade)
- At the funeral:Trumpeter: Oops, sorry about that.
Family member: [crossly] This is a funeral, you know!
Trumpeter: Yes, yes — I know that; sorry my Lord, so I'm sorry, my Lord — sorry, sorry, sorry, my Lord...
Family member: SHUT UP!!!
Trumpeter: Sorry, sorry — sorry, my lord. Sorry, sorry.
The Terrible Tudors
- The football match-like Battle of Bosworth.
Commentator #1: Well, there we have it, Alan. They'll be no holding a Cup aloft — no open-top double-decker bus...
- The commentators describe the entirety of the Wars of the Roses like The World Cup. When the Tudor side win and the decision to tour Richard III's body around England to spread the word, the commentators say:
Alan the commentator: Yeah, just a very smelly dead body being paraded around the country on the back of a 'orse.
- Terry's Henry VIII song, in which he compares Henry's antics to Adolf Hitler, Frankenstein's Monster, Dracula, Jack the Ripper, and Attila the Hun.
- A widow called Mrs Alice Arden is put on trial for the suspicious murder of her husband by her hired assassins called Black Will and Mossby. Despite claiming she's innocent, her mouth keeps getting her in trouble.Judge: Yes, and they've been sentenced to hanging in chains, but what part did you play in the murder?
Alice Arden: I may have just mentioned to them that I'd be happier if he was was dead, and they could have the rings off his fingers and all the money in his pocket if they bumped him off... I may have just said that.
Judge: In that case, you ARE guilty!!
Alice Arden: You're not gonna hang me, are you, honor?! Just for letting a few words slip? You're not gonna hang poor Alice Arden, are you?
Judge: No, I am not going to hang you.
Alice Arden: Oh, well that's good. I mean, I did try to poison him but it didn't work, did it? And I just happened to mention to Mossby...
Judge: Mrs Arden? ... SHUT UP!!! ... The punishment for hiring a murderer is not to be hanged.
Alice Arden: I should hope so too, I mean—
Judge: Mrs Arden!! The punishment for murdering your husband is to burnt at the stake.
Alice Arden: You what?!
Judge: No... you hot.
The Frightful First World War
- An angry woman is interviewed about the fear of the enemy invading the British Isles, and she states that there needs to be more soldiers defending the homeland then she says this:Woman: I'm sending my Jimmy down to the Church to sign up and join the army today.
Male voice in the background: [astonished] He's only nine!
- This crossover parody of Horrible Histories' Richard III song with scenes of Aneurin Barnard's interpretation of Richard (who is subjected to Historical Hero Upgrade and Historical Beauty Update) in The White Queen is very amusing because the lyrics fit quite perfectly with the the latter's sympathetic portrayal of the character. The most hilarious moment is seeing a close-up of his endearing Pretty Boy face while hearing the verse, "This is me, sweet Richard, do I look like a baddie?"