Nick and Dale trying to clean up the spilled coke with Nick using a vacuum cleaner and Dale trying to scoop it up by hand and Nick angrily telling him "Stop helping!"
"YOU DON'T PUNCH THE DRIVER!!"
Pellitt sarcastically telling his dad "I didn't know I needed to ask your permission every time I need to take a dump," when the dad innocently asks him why he seems to be spending so much time in the restroom.
Pellit asking Kurt to fire the fat people "because they're lazy and slow and they make me sad to look at."
Kurt refuses on the grounds that he believes "Large Marge" (as Bobby calls her) is pregnant. At the end of the movie, you learn she's just fat.
Kurt's remark when he and the other two first enter Pellitt's house: "It's like a douchebag museum! It's like we stepped inside the mind of an asshole!"
An even funnier version of that scene can be found among the outtakes during the ending credits in which Kurt says instead "This place is awful, it's like the Sharper Image took a shit in here!"
The three of them attempting to drive out of the supermarket parking lot, but continually getting in each other's way.
Kurt's Oh, Crap! moment when he finds out that sticking Bobby's toothbrush up his ass left DNA evidence.
The explanation of how "Motherfucker Jones" got his nickname.
The guys trying to get Gregory's real name (Atmanand) right, but ultimately giving up because "that name's a fucking nightmare."
Dale is supposed to be keeping watch while Kurt and Nick break into Harken's house. He spends his time flipping his seat back and forth while singing along to "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings, then playing Angry Birds on his iPhone.
Kurt: Holy shit, I broke a rock.
The ENTIRETY of the allergic reaction scene.
Harken: (weakly) Peanuts... Dale: Penis?
The repeated Cat Scare that Kurt and Dale endure while in Harken's house.
Kurt: Is someone throwing that thing!?
Nick's excuse for speeding.
Nick: I was drag racing. Cop: In a Prius? Nick: (Beat) I don't win a lot.
The scene with the "Wet Work" Agent that Dale and Kurt hired online.
Dale trying to explain himself afterwards. "We are MEN looking for a man!"
Dale's God-awful attempt to have (forced) phone sex with Julia during an extremely dangerous high-speed car chase.
The look on the policeman's face when he listens to the tape recorder playing Dale's ridiculous phone sex.
"Oh, sorry, maybe I should've danced on her boobies!"
Harken's reaction to his surprise party, where we get to see the despicable Smug Snake driven into a tantrum worthy of a five year old.
Later, his utter failure to keep up the intimidating act after enacting his Wounded Gazelle Gambit. "Oh, that hurts so much!"
Kurt abandoning Nick and Dale to go have oral sex with Harken's wife Rhonda. After Harken confesses and attempts to get his gun to kill them, Nick and Dale encounter Kurt, who just exited the bathroom, telling the two that Rhonda just showed him a tour of the mouth…he means house. Nick and Dale promptly smack him for his stupidity before they all flee.
Rhonda exiting the bathroom shortly after Kurt, as she fixes her herself up and awkwardly has her mouth shut right when Nick points her out, since Kurt ejaculated in her mouth. It's just funny how she tries to hide her recent fling.
Horrible Bosses 2
Nick's obliviousness to what their company name ("Nick-Kurt-Dale") sounds like out loud when read fast.note It sounds like "N*ggerdale".
When Kurt and Dale start screaming about how they should "kill these motherfuckers", and Nick, (who obviously is against it) just remains stoic the whole time, while the audience is laughing their asses off.
When Dale suggests copying the plot of Speed as a means of getting the money they need to save their company:
Dale: You said no idea is a bad idea. Nick: I was wrong, the idea sucks, the movie sucks, and so do you. Kurt: Hey, that's the movie that introduced us to Sandra Bullock! Dale: FUCK YOU, I LOVE SANDRA BULLOCK!
The sight gags during the Shower Buddy demonstration that pay homage to similar scenes in Austin Powers.
Kurt hiring numerous hot women for their new business, then finding out from Dale and Nick that he can't sleep with them or fire them. "Why're we even doing this thing?!"
In that same scene, a woman, speaking in a foreign language, is telling a story which makes Kurt very emotional while Nick looks at him with shock and confusion. When she finishes, Nick, like he has accepted defeat at this point, tells her she is hired.
The blink-and-you miss-it hashtag "#We'reNotRacist" after the boys tweet their first Shower Buddy rolling off the assembly line.
The whole ransom call scene.
Nick's description of his "problem" at Julia's sex-addiction meeting...which he thinks is an AA meeting. His description makes everyone at the meeting think he's gay. Then he finds out what kind of meeting it really is:
Nick: I've just been gettin' together with the guys, been facedown, chugging one right after another... Julia: Oh, so your sex addiction, it's homosexual in nature! Nick: My sex addiction! My sex addiction is...and then what did you say?
Made even funnier when Kurt and Dale, who are hiding in the bathroom eavesdropping, realize Nick's mistake and are trying really hard not to crack up.
Also from the same scene:
Julia: I know you ate that cock, I just wanna hear you say it! Nick: I ate that cock, I sucked those balls, and I licked that kid's sweaty asshole! Julia: Because you are fantastically gay! Nick: I am totally gay, never been straight. Know what else I've never been? Inside a woman! Julia: Meeting adjourned! Nick: Everyone out!
When Julia is describing her mental "cock trophy room", Kurt turns to Nick proudly and says, "We're in there!"
Also this:
Julia: At night I reflect on them, alphabetize them, dust them. Dale:Why are they dusty?
The "butt-face-puss" discussion the guys have about how they can go about gang-banging Julia. Also, Kurt always picks himself for "butt".
When Dale is Mistaken for Cheating by Stacy, she chucks her phone at him and it bounces off his head.
They lay out a criminal conspiracy on a whiteboard... but with a permanent marker... Twice. The second time, the "plan" is incredibly stupid, involving skyscrapers, a zip line and a trampoline.
Motherfucker Jones shows up as a getaway car when the ransom drop goes south, at which point the guys realize he was planning on stealing the ransom money for himself. Motherfucker defends himself, saying he was only going to steal the money if they got killed, because he figured they'd prefer him having it over Burt.
Motherfucker: I was honoring your potential deaths. Kurt: Honor? What are we, samurai?
At the end, when Motherfucker Jones is speaking to the Pinkberry rep, the man says that starting up a location will cost a significant amount of money. Jones then proceeds to dump the entire bag of $5 million ransom money on the rep's desk. The look on the guy's face is amazing.
