Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
- Mr. Thompson wakes up from Wayne working early in the morning.Russ Sr.: Oh no, not again. Who does he think he is Mr. Wizard? (sticks his head out the window) SZALINSKI! GIVE IT A REST, ITS SATURDAY! (hits his head on the window)...Mae: Give the guy a break.(loud bang from the Szalinski's house)Russ Sr.: I'll give him a break. I'll break his arm!
- Big Russ getting impaled with a dart which has super glue on the suction cup, and then being reeled in by Ron."Am I bleeding?"
- The failed attempt to shrink an apple, followed by a quip by Wayne Szalinski:Wayne: (as Quark the Dog licks his face) On the other hand, we come up with an interesting way of making applesauce.
- Russ' lame pick-up line.Russ: So... you like to dance?
Amy: How do you know that?
Amy: You see me?
Russ: No— I mean, yes. But I wasn't watching you, I...
Russ: Don't worry, we'll pay for it. We'll take it out of his allowance.Ron: MY allowance? Dream on!Russ: Okay, we'll just have Dad pay for it, huh?Ron: (beat) We'll take it out of my allowance. Give me my ball back.Nick: Until you pay, no man shall pass.Ron: You got nothing to say about it, Space Boy!Amy: Cool it!
- Before that:
- The titular kids have just been shrunken and they carry Wayne's thinking couch across the room to get to the door. Along the way, they come across a dead fly. Ron makes a very "tactful" joke about it:Ron: Hey Amy, your date's here.
Amy: Oh, gross.
- Later, after being thrown away by a frustrated Wayne (long story), the kids come across what looks like a river to them.Ron: What's a river doing in your yard?
Russ: That isn't a river, you dope. It could be a stream of dog pee that looks like a river to us.
Ron: Who's swimming?
* the corpse of a bug passes by on the "river"*
Nick: Have a ball, baby.
Amy: I'm not swimming in that.
- The innocent (though admittedly stupid) suggestion by Russ to make a rope bridge over the "river".
- This moment after Nick and Russ get separated from Amy and Ron:Ron: I just figured it out. I never woke up this morning and this is all a bad dream.
Amy: Ron, get up.
Ron: You're just a nightmare. When I wake up this morning, my dad and I'll be going fishing.
Amy: I'm warning you!
Ron: (sticks his fingers in his ears and hums "Stars and Stripes Forever" with his eyes closed)
Amy: Okay, Ron, maybe you're right. Maybe this is all just a bad dream. But, if it is, then... (twists his ear sharply) ...would this hurt?
Amy: Get up! If you were my brother I sign myself up for adoption.
Ron: Yeah? Well, I hope your face ends up on a milk carton.
- Ron changes his tune when Amy tells him that since the shrink machine now works, her family is going to be filthy rich. He quickly goes after her, groveling about how he always liked her family.
- Granted, it's a serious moment, but Wayne's facial expression when, while looking for the shrunken kids on the attic floor, he comes across the broom he used to sweep the floor earlier.
- Nick gets the same expression when something's coming toward them, until they see it's Quark.
- Wayne climbs on the Thompson's fence so he wouldn't step on the grass. Mae sees him from the kitchen window. Wayne sees Russ Sr. staring at him, so he stops and leans casually on the fence.
- Wayne searches for his shrunken kids in his backyard with stilts. He ends up hanging onto the clothesline, getting pinched by the clothespins, and shouts to the Boorsteins to get off his lawn.Wayne: GET OFF THE GRASS! Get off the grass!
Wayne: It's very delicate... the lawn. You don't want to over-water... really.
- Safe to say, it wasn't funny in the kids' P.O.V. Because Wayne accidentally triggered the sprinklers at the time.
- Gloria sees Wayne in a harness above the grass as he searches for the kids.Gloria: Donald, that man over there is flying.
Don: (rolls eyes) Right, Gloria.
Gloria: Donald, I'm not kidding around-
Don: Not NOW, Gloria!
Don: (saw Wayne) Mm-hmm.
- Two of these Funny Moments also double as Moments of Awesome:
Amy: Come on guys, this is your ant!
- The kids try to bronco-bust a young ant to ride it back to the house, ignoring Amy's protests. Ultimately, Amy is the one who succeeds in taming it by distracting it with a piece of Oatmeal Creme Pie, much to her discomfort. She tries to get the guys to help her, but they are too surprised by her "taming" to listen.
Nick: She did it!
Ron: Your sister's not bad. For a girl.
Nick: Of course.
Russ Sr.: That guy's got serious problems.
- Wayne resuming his search while suspended from a tether. Quark escapes from his leash and spins Wayne around and around until he tells the dog to "drop it" and ends up getting twirled around until he flung to the Thompsons' pool.
- This entire scene after Wayne tells Diane his machine works:Diane: (after seeing the shrunken couch) Wayne, are you telling me...you did it? It works? The machine works? Do the kids know?
Wayne: Well, yeah, the kids know.
Diane: That's great!
Wayne: It's not that great.
Wayne: I shrunk the kids.
Wayne: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Wayne: Threw them out with the trash. (Diane grabs Wayne and freezes as the bell rang) Excuse me. (opens the door with two cops outside) Yes?
Female cop: (notices Wayne's helmet with two head lights attached) Did, uh... you report the missing children?
Wayne: There must be some mistake. Ours are in the backyard. Right, honey? (Diane faints) She's, uh... Thank you! (closes the door, the cops leave)
Male cop: Mm-hmm.
- Russ Sr.'s annoyance with the male police officer as writes down everything he says.Russ Sr.: There he goes again writing. Do you even say anything?!Male cop: Mm-hmm.Russ Sr.: (sighs) Why do I feel like I'm the one on trial here?Russ Sr.: What do you mean "you can't imagine"?!
- Wayne and Diane try to break what happened to the kids to the Thompsons. Wayne is Not Helping Your Case.Mae: Why didn't you tell us this sooner?Diane: Well, before now, the machine would just... blow things up!Mae: You mean to say that machine...Russ Sr.: Blew up my kids???Wayne: No, no. If the machine blew up the kids, there would be pieces of them everywhere. It's just that...Diane: Wayne...
- The film's Brick Joke at the end of the movie, when Nick arrives at the punchline:Nick: Waitwaitwait, now I get it! FRENCH CLASS!
- After they finally figure out how to fix the machine, Russ Sr. demands that they test it before trying it on his kids. He then puts his money where his mouth is by volunteering to be the test subject himself. Surely he and Wayne have put their animosity aside for this, right?Russ Sr.: Alright, Szalinski. Shoot. (closes eyes)Russ Sr.: ...Huh??? (ZAP)
- After a fight with Russ, Jr., Russ, Sr. sits down with his back to the house and puts a cigarette in his mouth. As soon as it's between his lips, he wife calls him form behind and he immediately spits it right out!Mae: Russell, you're not smoking a cigarette, are you?Russ: No, dear, you know I've given that up!
- The end of the flower-climbing scene where the kids manage to get Quark to come help them, only to have it ruined by...Nick: It's that stupid cat of theirs!Ron: Our cat is not stupid!Nick: It just chased Quark away!Ron: It's Russ' stupid caaaaaaaaaaat! (flower starts to shake)
- Amy is talking on the phone to one of her friends:Amy: They broke up over religious differences. He thought he was God, and she disagreed.
- When the police check up on Diane's call regarding their kids, the report flashes on their car's monitor. Look closely and you can see the Szalinskis have "12 Disturbances of the Peace" on their prior record.
- As they first walk through the grass the kids hear something above them. Russ tells them to run, and they soon find a mushroom to hide under. They look up to see a butterfly flying by.Ron: Great Sir Russell Thompson, stalking the rogue butterfly!
Russ: Knock it off, Ron.
Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves
- Wayne's attempt at making peanut butter with the coffee machine. It didn't work out.
- Wayne trying to give a speech as president of Szalinski Labs:Wayne: At Szalinski Labs, our future is... our future is... *accidentally drops cards, under his breath* crap! *picks up cards* No, the future isn't crap. Our future is now! *nervously looks on at the glaring audience*
- Wayne and his brother Gordon testing the Green Lantern Project, which just makes their bellies glow in the dark rather than their entire body. After a female scientist walks in and turns the lights back on, Wayne momentarily forgets to put his shirt down.
- Adam getting embarrassed by Diane, who is leaving on vacation with her sister-in-law.Diane: Adam! ADAM! *Diane is drowned out by a lawnmower* I just finished the laundry... *lawnmower silences* ... so you'll have plenty of clean underpants!
(The neighborhood kids laugh at Adam while Diane then immediately sports a Did I Just Say That Out Loud? look afterwards)
- Diane's outburst at Wayne after she realizes that he's trying to shrink the tiki he wants to keep but instead they get shrunken:Diane: You didn't think I'd notice, didn't you? Well guess what, Wayne... I NOTICED!!!
- This bit during the kids' party after Wayne and Gordon avoided getting eaten in the onion dip bowl:Jenny: Jill, you're making a mess!
Jill: Well, this stuff is really good! What's in it?
Wayne: Szalinski Bros.!
- Gordon's God Guise. That is all.
- "You know dad, I didn't invite those boys over!"