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History Teaches Us:

  • Thorin learns how many Iglishmêk signs require both hands to make sense.
    Nori: [signing] No worry, too hard top liquid make.
    Well, that made about as much sense as Dwalin's stories after his twentieth mug of ale.
    Bifur: [signing] Don't worry, [Ori]'s too hard-headed to use his ointment.
    That... was nothing like what Nori had said but it did at least make more sense.
    Nori: Let's see how well he can talk one-handed! Do you realise how many of Iglishmêk's signs need both hands?
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  • Thorin's thoughts on how often Hobbits eat.
    He remembered clearly a moment when he had realised the task that would have stood before him had he led a kingdom of hobbits into exile. The thought had been used to comfort himself in the face of a number of trials during their journey.
  • Dwalin's reaction to Balin agreeing to go with Thorin. "Well, I'm not letting you go with only Balin to guard you. Between the two of you, you'd lose your way half a dozen times and be found ten years hence in some poor merchant's library, reading a manuscript no one else gives a damn about."
  • Bifur saying they should have left Bombur and taken his wife Nula instead.
    Bofur: [translating] She'd have organised the dragon into submission in no time!
  • "Should I wish something beheaded I would look to [Dwalin] immediately, but if he was ever acquainted with subtlety they parted ways long ago."
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  • There's a shortage of seats in one of the meetings between Thranduil, Legolas, and the Company, so Legolas picks Bilbo up and sets him in his lap.
  • The Company are very fond of Varr's children.
    ...Thorin was keeping a strict eye on the children to ensure that there were no kidnapping attempts. He was not going to explain to Dís why there were human children locked inside Erebor. Ever.
  • Bofur tries to help Bombur cook. He's dismissed "once he became so drunk that the pot seemed to be stirring him rather than the other way around".
  • During the battle with Azog, Glorfindel copies Legolas's stunt in Desolation of Smaug and uses orcs' heads as stepping stones.
  • Thorin notices Glorfindel's Blood Knight tendencies.
    Glorfindel and Dwalin must have been getting along famously the last few days. They certainly shared the same priorities.
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  • Dáin's son, also named Thorin, passes on his father's apologies for the things he said.
    Thorin's namesake: He said that I should reassure you that Mother would have his hide if he ever tried to take Erebor from you. She told Father years ago that if he upset Lady Dís she'd throw him in front of her so that Lady Dís could kill him while she escaped.
    Fíli: Well, she knows Mum well enough.
    Thorin: I promise, Thorin, as long as your father stays within his own kingdom I will make sure Dís does not march on the Iron Hills.
    Thorin's namesake: Good. Mother will be relieved.
  • The first thing Glóin's son and wife say upon arriving in Erebor.
    Gimli: If I have ridden hundreds of miles on that... thing [the horse he rode], only to find that Father has done something stupid while we were getting here, I'm going to resurrect him so I can kill him again!
    Famla: You will need to wait your turn. He owes me at least two deaths for the worry he has put me through.
  • Aulë and Eru make their approval of Thorin known by making a glowing light appear over his head at his coronation while Aulë praises him. Aulë later accuses Eru of enjoying it too much.
  • Thorin asks Thranduil if he enjoys baffling his fellow Elves.
    Thranduil: More than you can possibly imagine, mellon. I am working to see if I can get Celeborn to show actual emotion. I will let you know if I succeed!

Shall History Remember?:

  • Thorin notes upon arriving in Lothlórien that most of his companions would rather explore than see their accommodations.
    Frodo had asked question after question of their guide during the trip through the forest and looked ready to dash off and get his nose into everything at any moment. Ori was also wildly curious, and Fíli and Kíli never wanted to sit still when there was mischief they could be getting into. Thorin did wonder for a moment if Galadriel knew all this and was trying to preserve her kingdom for as long as possible.
  • "Thorin realised that Galadriel, for all her age and wisdom, was as much a fan of shiny things as most dwarves were."
  • Mahal Aulë goes to interrupt Thorin, Bilbo and Galadriel's conversation. Eru has a few words for him when he returns.
    Eru: Aulë, interfere once more and you will spend the next thousand years watching over the crustaceans on the sea floor. Do I make myself clear?
    Aulë: Yes, Father.
    Eru: Good. Begone!
    Aulë: Yes, Father.
  • Bilbo's reaction to Sméagol joining the Fellowship.
    Bilbo: Oh for the Valar's sake! Would anybody else like to join us? Sauron, perhaps? He could hardly cause more trouble!
  • The army of Erebor marches out in search of Thorin. To keep up morale they start singing. They're still singing when they find Thorin. In fact, the singing is what Thorin and his companions hear first.
    Elf #1: Valar above, that is awful. If there was any mercy in the world someone would have gagged them.
    Elf #2: Never mind the noise. The important part is what is making the noise. It must be goblins.
    Thranduil: Thorin, my friend, I do believe your kin are joining us.
    Elf #3: Of course, who else, other than goblins, could make that sort of din?
    • Even Thorin has to admit his army is making a terrible racket.
  • Thorin asks why Dís didn't send a raven, if she was so worried about him.
    Nori: Oh please, my King, please say that to your sister when we get back to Erebor. It has been far too long since I watched her eviscerate someone!
  • Thorin needs a way to catch up with the Fellowship quickly. Thranduil realises that Thorin wants to borrow his elk, and refuses before Thorin has a chance to ask.
    Thranduil: The answer is no.
    Dwalin: We all know what the answer is. I want to know what the bloody question was.
  • The scene where Saruman fails miserably to make Bofur tell him where the Ring is. It's a Moment of Awesome and Funny all at once.
    • One of the things Saruman offers is power that "could level mountains".
    Bofur: Right idiot I'd look, levelling my home and then having to find a new one. Besides Dís would rip an ugly great hole in my stomach for it and then where would I be?
  • After Thorin arrives in Lothlórien riding Thranduil's elk, Celeborn asks what Thranduil thought about this.
    Celeborn: Was Thranduil sanguine about your use of Tári [the elk]?
    Thorin: I do not think sanguine is the term I would use. There was a certain amount of… objection before we were agreed.
    Celeborn now produced the widest smile Thorin had ever seen him wear.
    Celeborn: Thank you. That is a very satisfying picture.
  • Treebeard, some of his Ents, and Celeborn come to Isengard after the Ents cause a flood. Galadriel wonders how Celeborn could be with them, because the water hasn't gone down enough for him to walk. Turns out Treebeard's carrying him.
    Galadriel: And neither Glorfindel nor Thranduil here to see it? Poor dears, they will be so bitterly disappointed.
  • Mahal summons all the Fellowship to see him. Most of them were asleep. Aragorn, however...
    Aragorn: I was in a Council meeting. I realise most of you were probably asleep, but I was in a late meeting and, if I am correct about what is happening here, my Council probably think I am going mad.
  • During the confrontation with the Witch-King, Sigrid notes how grating his laugh is.
    Valar, if he had sounded like that when he was a King of Men it was a wonder they had not killed him just to silence him.
  • Thranduil's comments on Fíli and Kíli.
    The two of them together were a natural disaster which had no intention of waiting to happen.
  • Glorfindel isn't happy about his "no man can kill the Witch-King" prophecy.
    Elrond: You always have been bitter about that one.
    Glorfindel: Where is the useful counsel? What about "Glorfindel, tie your hair up before you go into battle"? Of what earthly use is "by the way, you cannot kill that thing"?
  • The Mouth of Sauron calls Glorfindel a "minor Elven lord". The sheer stupidity of this comment makes it hilarious.
  • When Sauron's armies march through the Black Gates, Théoden tells Thranduil and Glorfindel to fall back. Then he has to clarify that he means the Elves, not his own forces.
    Théoden: [to the Rohirrim] No, don't you fall back. You stay where you are.
  • Dwalin, upon seeing how badly-maintained the Orcs' weapons are, wants "to bash heads together and give shouted lectures on proper weapon-care".
  • Celeborn kills a troll then jumps away to avoid its blood, because "Galadriel did so hate it when he returned from battle with blood clotted in his hair".
  • Harlon and Anath ask to "borrow" Arwen.
    Only these two would ask to 'borrow' the future Queen of Gondor, as if she were a spare sword in the armoury.
  • Bofur tries to cheer Bilbo up.
    Bofur: Besides, no one's dead yet. That's more than can be said for the last feast we held in Erebor.
    Thorin: I do wish you wouldn't phrase it like that, Bofur. People will begin to think Erebor holds duels to the death at our feasts, or something equally ridiculous. Gallin's weak heart and over-indulgence in ale were out of our control.
    Bofur: Of course they were, but that doesn't change the fact that he died at the feast.

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